Archive of Our Own ^beta

Techno couldn't remember. It had to be a few years, at least. He couldn't imagine it being any shorter than that.j Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't since he moved out of his parent's house. He'd always been a bit distant with them, (a bit distant with everyone, he thought, bitterness aimed towards himself) maybe it was even before that.

The plane landed, and Techno freed himself of his thoughts to get off of the hellish thing. His feet touched the ground once more and he relaxed, even if for just a moment. Flying had always given him at least a little anxiety, but there wasn't much room for feeling anxious when an annoying kid kept kicking his seat. Techno didn't know if this was luck or not.

Entering a crowd of people, scanning them for a tall man with messy brown hair, he thought to himself: Why in the hell had he thought the meetup would be a good idea? It was like he wanted people to know he was lonely for fuck's sake.

( ...maybe, deep down, he did. he didn't really know) 

On one hand, Techno was happy to meet his friends, even if it meant flying half across the globe. On the other, he was terrified that everything would go wrong and they'd know; they'd know how ridiculous and weak he was, about how he'd cry at night like a child because he hadn't received a hug in awhile. There had been many close calls - too many - the first time they all met up, but he tried his best to keep to himself and that's exactly what he was going to do this time too.

Techno yawned, covering his mouth with one hand as he picked up his luggage with the other. He really was going to orphan that little kid, he wasn't able to sleep practically the entire flight.

He glanced around, looking for Wilbur, who was supposed to be picking him up. How hard can it be to find a 7ft tall man? Techno thought jokingly. He wasn't proven wrong, however, when he locked eyes with said tall man in a small crowd of people who weren't above the average height.

Wilbur immediately beamed, rushing his way over to the other. "Techno!!" He greeted, now standing in front of the other.

And then Techno felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

He was suddenly hyper-aware of how much the contact burned at his skin, how it felt like wherever Wilbur was touching was on fire. Wilbur's arms wrapped around him was the only thing he could focus on. Hug back, he'll think you don't care, his mind screamed at him, and slowly he returned the gesture, his arms now feeling hot with contact as well. God, why was he getting so worked up over a hug? It was just that: a hug. A simple gesture of affection. So why did he have to blink back tears?

His mind was torn. He really, really didn't want to let go, who knew when the next chance for a hug would be? But his body felt like it was on fire, and what if Wilbur was starting to feel uncomfortable?

Thankfully, Techno didn't have to make a decision, because the other pulled away after a moment. Wilbur smiled at him, like it was nothing, like the hug hadn't made Techno short-circuit. Upon pulling away, he noticed how unfocused Techno's eyes were, his smile dropping a little. "You alright, Tech?" He asked, still holding the other at arm's length.

It took a moment for Techno to respond, "Huh? Oh - yeah, sorry, 'm just a bit tired is all." That wasn't exactly a lie. He was tired - he hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight because of that mom and her fucking kid, who kept kicking the goddamn seat - but besides being tired, he also just wasn't used to the touch and it caused him to zone out a little.

"Here, let me grab your luggage--" Wilbur reached for the handle, his hand grazing Techno's. Again, Wilbur didn't think anything of it, and Techno could focus on only their grazing hands. After a moment of internal panic, he mumbled back a 'thank you'.

"C'mon, Phil and Tommy are probably there already," Wilbur noticed the other was a little out of it, so he grabbed Techno's wrist with his free hand, pulling him in the direction of the parking lot. Why does he keep doing that? Does he mean to? Techno thought, glancing down at their touching hands.

Wilbur also noticed how Techno seemed especially 'out of it' when they hugged, and he wouldn't say anything - no, that would be ridiculous (what if he was wrong?) - but he couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, Techno was a little deprived of touch. Well, if that's the case, I'll just have to try and stay closer to him than usual, he thought, still holding onto Techno's hand even as they reached the parking lot. The other kept glancing from the ground to their hands, almost like he couldn't really believe what was happening. That convinced Wilbur that yes, Techno had been starved for human contact. He shoved down a frown at the thought, pulling his keys out of his pocket and unlocking his car.

They both climbed into Wilbur's car, and Techno made sure the other couldn't just casually touch him, his entire body leaning towards the window of the passengers seat. It's not that he didn't want to be touched - his body now felt colder than the Antarctic compared to Wilbur's warm hug, he deeply missed the comfort of being in someone's arms - he just didn't want to be found out for it. It's safer this way, he told himself.

Wilbur, however, fought down a saddened expression whenever he glanced at the other man. Is he really touch starved? He asked himself. No, surely Techno would come to them if he was feeling upset over anything. Right?

Wilbur hated that he doubted himself with that. But as he recalled their walk to the car, how Techno couldn't stop glancing at their touching hands - the conclusion that Techno was touch deprived was the only one he could come up with. He pushed these thoughts to the back of his mind, if it really became that much of a concern he'd come to Techno and talk about it.  He instead ranted to Techno about their plans for their time spent together, the other smiling fondly and making short comments. The rest of the car ride to Wilbur's was peaceful.

And even if Techno wasn't aware of it, Wilbur now knew.

"Tommy you must've seen Up like, a million times by now," Wilbur said, reaching for the remote in the other's hand.

"And? It's a good movie!" Tommy shot up on the couch, one hand holding the remote up as high as possible and the other batting away Wilbur.

"Not that good!"

A loud, exaggerated gasp escaped Tommy, who was still clutching the remote in his hands. "How dare you! You fuckin' arsehole!"

"Tommy--" Wilbur interrupted himself with a laugh, "Tommy, Up isn't as good as you think it is. Like Vikkstar." He held back a smile, knowing he'd get a good reaction out of the boy.

"HOW DARE YOU - YOU FUCKED UP, WILBUR!!" Tommy yelled, "OH MY GOD, IM GONNA START STABBIN' SHIT, AND YOU'RE FIRST, BITCH!"

"BOYS!" Phil yelled, barely holding back a smile, "Boys. Settle down." Reluctantly, the two of them stopped jokingly bickering, Tommy going back to fully sitting down on the couch. He still glared at Wilbur, the remote secured in his two hands.

"Dadza has tamed the beast of TommyInnit once more," Techno commented, amused by the whole situation.

"Well what do you think, Techno?"

"I think Up's a great movie," he agreed, thinking, the hell with it. I wanna see where this goes.

"Yeahhhh, bitch! See, I have the Blade on my side!" Tommy said, wrapping a friendly arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. "Oh my god, we're unstoppable now."

Again, the burning feeling returned. Technoblade couldn't help but immediately zone out, his eyes a little wider than they should be. Close! close, close, closecloseclose - his mind, even if it was running a mile a minute, could only focus on the arm wrapped around him. He could still hear everyone's voices, even if it was only faintly, and they sounded like fog.

"--Techno's only siding with ya for the hell of it, mate," He heard Phil say his name, and snapped out of it, slowly coming back into the conversation. The attention on the human touch Techno had so obviously displayed was now internalized, and he hoped that the burning fire inside of him would sizzle out, so he could act normal for once.

"Well then what does the wife-haver have to say about all this?" Tommy laughed, still not off of Techno. Wilbur giggled at the term 'wife-haver'.

"Oh hell no, don't string me into this--" Phil laughed, shaking his head, " 'Cause I do not plan on going to the store at fuckin' midnight to get Nerf guns because you three wanna have a war - like last time."

"Ohhh Phil you fucked up," Tommy turned jokingly serious, casually letting go of Techno, who was both relieved and disappointed at the same time. "We don't talk about... last time."

"Well you're just upset you lost," Wilbur interjected with a smile.

"I AM NOT - I DO NOT LOSE WILBUR!"

At Tommy's raised voice, three of them bursted out laughing while Techno instead did a much more in-character deep chuckle. "And," the youngest added, nodding to himself, "I'm pretty sure that was a tie."

"Tommy, me and Wil were obviously the winners there, and you know it," Techno laughed.

"Mmn - no," Tommy unconsciously drops his hand next to Techno's, only realizing when he sees the other's face freeze for a second. Did I - was that me? To make sure he hadn't imagined it, he nudged his hand closer again. Techno glances down at their hands before looking back up at Tommy, locking eyes with him for a second before averting his gaze once again.

Techno... How long had he been like this? Tommy questioned. The background noise of Up had started to play, the four of them knowing if they'd put anything else on Tommy would Rage™. Or, he normally would. This time, as the movie played, he didn't really focus much on it. Instead, he wanted to make sure he was touching Techno at all times, which was easy as he was sat right next to him.

He'd make sure their knuckles were brushing against each other's. He'd casually slide his leg to the side, their knees and lower thighs touching. Just small things, that didn't engage much contact, because Tommy swore he read something once about how people who were touch starved usually needed to be slowly reintroduced to touch, and too much at once would be overwhelming. 

And, while accidentally, he fell asleep on Techno's shoulder that night. By the time he'd realized his new position, his body felt too heavy to move and his mind was too drowsy to care.

Techno, however, was the complete opposite from drowsy. Are you seriously telling me I have to stay here all night and NOT be immediately found out? He internally panicked, he didn't know what to do. Techno didn't want to move the kid, he looked so peaceful sleeping there - and he really didn't want to deal with his rage if he accidentally woke him up. And the touch was a nice and warm contrast to how cold his body usually was.

But. What if this is what allowed for the three of them to find out? They'd all laugh at him, surely. Once they knew, they'd make fun of how weak and vulnerable he was - especially compared to his Youtube persona. Just the thought of them finding out made Techno cringe with embarrassment.

I'll be fine, just don't freak out over fuckin' touch, he reassured himself. He really didn't have it in him to move the kid. And as the third movie of that night ended, Wilbur called from the other couch, "You sleeping here tonight, Tech?"

"Yeah, I don't think I really got a choice," he nodded down towards the boy sleeping on him, which made Wilbur chuckle.

Wilbur stood up, a blanket in hand, and draped it across the two. He whispered fondly, "Goodnight, Techno."

"Night, Wil."

Techno desperately tried to internalize his shock as the other affectionately ruffled his hair, but couldn't help a small, but sharp inhale escape him. He just hoped Wilbur hadn't noticed. If he did, he shown no signs of it and went off to bed for the night, leaving Techno alone with an asleep Tommy as Phil had gone to bed earlier.

Techno debated on putting something else on TV, but as his eyes battled to stay open, he decided it was best for him to not fight sleep any longer. He shut off the TV with the remote and shuffled a little into a more comfortable position, which unintentionally caused Tommy to fall from his position in Techno's shoulder, and instead right onto his chest.

Fuck. Okay, Techno thought. This is fine. I'm fine. 

He wasn't fine. He hadn't received affection, hadn't received touch in such a long time, (except for small things, like brushing past strangers or grazing someone's hand - before his trip to the UK, he treasured these milliseconds of contact. Techno fears that when he goes back to America, and this affection stays in Brighton, it'll hurt) he didn't know how to handle it when someone else touched him. Techno let himself enjoy it for the time being, wrapping an arm around the boy. He let his thoughts wander as he attempted to drift off into sleep, his mind going to earlier that night. 

What the hell was that earlier, the first time our hands touched? No way he doesn't know... Techno thought. He remembered when he'd glanced up at Tommy to see what the hell he was doing, if the contact was intentional or not - the kid was staring right back at him, like he was testing if Techno would respond to it.

And now Tommy knew, and Techno highly suspected him of it.

"Just sayin', jet lag has me absolutely exhausted today, I'm not fuckin' going anywhere," Techno commented at breakfast that morning. He felt a little guilty for ruining whatever plans they had for that day, but he knew he wouldn't be able to go anywhere with his exhaustion.

"That's alright, I didn't have anything planned anyways," Wilbur reassured, "I figured you'd be tired."

Techno's heart warmed at that, that Wilbur had considered how tired he'd be. He couldn't hold back the smallest of smiles at the thought.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Tommy asked.

"Mario Kart?"

"HELL YEAH!!" Tommy yelled, rushing to finish the rest of his food.

"Why are you so excited Tommy? You're proper shit at Mario Kart," Wilbur pointed out, holding back a smile. It was always hilarious to get a rise out of the boy, even if they were both just messing with the other.

"FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!" Tommy yelled between gulps of food, giving him the middle finger with his free hand.

"Tommy, slow down, Jesus Christ--" Phil laughed. "I'll go set it up, mate, stop rushing," he put his plate in the sink, walking off into the living room. Techno followed him shortly after.

As he entered the room, Phil glanced at him and smiled, "What, don't wanna deal with Wil and Tommy?" It was clear as day that the two 'fought' a lot, one of them always trying to get a reaction out of the other, even if it was faked or not.

Techno opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted when Tommy yelled, "ARE YOU INSANE, WILBUR?!" from the other room.

"I think I'm good, thanks," Techno responded to Phil's original question, voice monotone even as a smile tugged at his lips. The other man burst out laughing, and Techno let out a chuckle. After Phil finished setting up the switch, they both sat on the couch and pre-picked their characters. Techno picked pink Shy Guy - for the brand! - and Phil picked Waluigi - for the memes.

Tommy and Wilbur entered the living room, settling their bickering for now as they joined the other pair on the couch. They picked up their respective controllers and chose their characters - Wilbur with King Boo and Tommy with Bowser.

"Tommy, no wonder you're trash - Bowser's like, the slowest character," Wilbur commented upon realizing which racer the other chose. They were taken to the next screen and everyone began customizing their kart.

"But Wilbur!" He said, "How will the people know I'm a Big Man if I don't main with the Biggest Man out of them all?!" The others laughed at Tommy's antics.

"Tommy--" Wilbur interrupted himself with a giggle, "Your logic is so fucked."

"No, my logic is smart! I went to 'arvard!"

"...Harvard is an American university, Toms," Techno pointed out, smiling.

"OH FUCK," Tommy yelled upon realizing his mistake, "Noo! I don't want to be fuckin' American! I hate Americans!" He whined as the first race started. They fell into a competitive silence as they focused on the game.

Halfway through the race, Tommy muttered, "Except for Technoblade. He's the only good one," which caused a chuckle out of everyone.

Techno hit Wilbur's character with a red shell, easily stealing first place as the race ended. "NO! TOMMY, TAKE THAT BACK, TECHNOBLADE IS A BITCH!"

Techno laughed, saying one of his many iconic lines, "If you wish to defeat me, train for another 1,000 years!!"

"No, no - I'm fucking beating you Technoblade," Wilbur challenged as the next race started up.

He didn't beat Technoblade.

Techno, being the utter prodigy he was, got 1st place every game. He loved taunting Wilbur, who was hellbent on beating him. Every time he finished the 3 laps, he bragged, saying something along the lines of, "Aaaand not even close," or, "Technoblade never looses!"

After yet another race that Technoblade did, in fact, win, Tommy said, "I think Wil's gonna fuckin' explode if we play anymore."

"THIS GAME IS SHIT!" Wilbur's yelling could be heard behind them, along with him slamming his fist onto a table. 2

"Yup. Probably best if we stopped for now," Phil laughed, putting down his controller.

"Technoblade always wins! I am victorious!" He lifted his arms in excited victory, his fists bunched together.

"That's my son! I'm so proud!" Phil smiled, playing on the ongoing joke that he was their dad. He put a hand on Techno's shoulder, pulling him closer to his side.

There it was, the burning feeling returned. Techno froze for a moment, unconsciously earning the attention of the three of them, who looked at him before glancing at each other.

"Techno?" Phil said, after the other shortly became unresponsive. He let go of Techno's shoulder. He's... Phil didn't even want to finish the thought. He didn't know if it was out of fear of him being wrong or right.

Techno shook his head, successfully clearing it. "Sorry - jet lag, I zoned out," he said, hoping the half-lie was convincing enough.

"You can go take a nap if you want," Phil let him know, looking at him with the faintest expression of concern. Shit. Does he know too? This is a nightmare, Techno thought.

"Nahh, I'm fine," he politely refused, but Phil's expression didn't go away, which only caused the nervous feeling in the pit of Techno's stomach to rise.

"You sure?" Phil asked.

"Yeah," Techno reassured in a way that said 'of course, why would I be anything other than fine?'

The four of them, after a beat of silence, went back to normal. They talked for a bit about anything and everything, Tommy getting loud far too many times at almost every remark Wilbur made.

Techno could feel his eyes droop and shook his head a little to wake himself back up. He felt tired, but he didn't want to leave everyone else to go sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, another attempt to clean the sleepiness from them.

He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, which pulled him into Wilbur's side, his head falling onto the other's shoulder. At the contact, he was now more awake than before, albeit still sleepy. "Go to sleep..." Wilbur encouragingly whispered, rubbing his shoulder.

Techno's mind screamed that no, he'll know, get off of him. He knew he should listen to it, but his heart told him that, don't you feel safe? Stay like this, this is safe. This is nice. And even though his mind screamed, his heart was much louder - much more convincing, that this is safe, this is home. He listened to his heart, and eventually drifted off to sleep. When he did, unbeknownst to him, Wilbur pulled him into a lying down position, Techno's head landing in his lap. Wilbur idly ran fingers through the other's hair, who unconsciously leaned into the contact. Looking up and meeting Phil's eyes, the two shared a knowing, concerned look and then resumed the conversation with Tommy.

And Phil knew, and Techno failed miserably at his original plan of not letting anyone know.

Why were the three of them so... touchy all of a sudden? Why did they insist on giving him so much physical affection? Over the past few days he's spent at Wilbur's, he noticed how they all seemed closer with him, much closer than they were the first time they met up.

They know, his mind told him. Much too tired to argue, he responded with a yeah, probably and left it there. Wrapping a blanket around himself, he entered the living room, where the other three already resided.

"Morning, Tech," Wilbur greeted.

"Mornin'," Techno slurred, not fully awake yet. Yawning, he joined Tommy on the smaller couch as Wilbur and Phil occupied the larger one. As soon as he sat down, Tommy scooted a bit closer  so their legs touched. Okay, that was so obviously intentional, Techno thought. "Why're you guys so goddamn clingy all of a sudden...?" He finally asked, his tired mind letting him freely voice his thoughts.

"Oh, sorry--" Tommy apologized, hastily moving away from him, "Are you not - Do - Do you guys know he's...?" Tommy stammered, his focus now on the other two. Wilbur and Phil shared a knowing look.

"Yeah, we do," Wilbur answered.

"Uhhh, excuse me, can someone please fill me in on what the fuck we're talking about?" Techno said, "...Sorry." He didn't mean for it to come out as harshly as it did.

"We've noticed that you're touch starved, we've just been trying to help the past few days," Wilbur calmly explained, subtle concern written all over his face.

"...Oh," Techno didn't know what else to say. He could feel his face slowly growing red with embarrassment. He wasn't surprised they caught on, but that didn't mean it wasn't still embarrassing as hell.

"Are you okay with touch, though? Because I thought maybe you just didn't like it," Phil asked.

"Oh shit, I never even thought of that--" Tommy said, ready to apologize for his inconsiderate behaviour, before Techno interrupted him.

"I'm fine with it. Just not that used to it," he confessed quietly, partially digging his face in the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Techno didn't comment as Tommy slowly shifted back over to him.

"Why didn't you come to us before?" Wilbur asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern, "I mean, if you're touch-starved, surely you feel lonely too..."

" 'Cause that's something I can deal with on my own. I don't need to bother you guys with stupid stuff like that," Techno explained like it was obvious, hyper-aware of how Tommy became even closer when he said that.

"It's not stupid..." Tommy mumbled, avoiding his gaze as he dug his head into Techno's shoulder. The boy wasn't the best at comforting or talking about feelings or shit like that, but he was trying and that put a small smile on Techno's face.

"You can come to us, Tech, you don't have to deal with it on your own," Phil reassured.

"I know, I just..." He trailed off. What was he supposed to say? Techno did know he could come to them, that he could endlessly bother them with his problems and they'd smile afterwards like it was no big deal. He knew that whenever he thanked them, for anything they'd done, all three of them would always say, "of course," as if they couldn't imagine a universe where they didn't help him.

He knew all of this, yet was still hesitant to tell them. Why?

Because you're showing them how vulnerable you really are, a voice in the back of his head hissed, and he knew it was true. Techno despised feeling weak, and loathed showing it to others even more.

I'd rather die, thanks, Techno thought with a mental chuckle.

"Alright, this calls for a Sleepy Bois cuddle pile," Wilbur suggests. 

But before he can even get off of his couch and join Techno on the other one Tommy says to Techno, "Wait, wouldn't that like, overwhelm you or some shit...?" His voice was quiet and gave away that he had no confidence in this claim.

Techno thought about it for a moment. Three different bodies, all overtop of him or holding onto him, all each touching him with a strong, burning feeling - he'd overheat. He nodded slowly, "Yeah, probably," then quietly added, "I mean, if one of you really wants to, that's fine, but I think all three of you would be too much..."

Tommy nodded, taking pride in being right. He figured he'd be the one to stay with Techno because well, he was already pretty much attached to him. Wilbur seemed to have different plans in mind, though, standing up and shouting, "I call dibs!"

"Well no Wilbur, I'm already here," Tommy muttered, sending him a faux glare. The quiet laughter of Techno and Phil could be heard, caused by their never-ending bickering.

Wilbur hummed, "Nope, dibs." He landed onto the couch, instantly wrapping an arm around Techno, who had to blink a few times at the contact, even if he'd been expecting it. Tommy reluctantly surrendered, he didn't like losing to Wilbur but otherwise Techno would just be too overwhelmed. 

He moved away from the other two on the couch, crossing his arms and telling Wilbur, "You massive dickhead. If I had a knife right now..." Tommy continued on, but Techno just tuned him out for now. He didn't know what to do with Wilbur, he should probably return the side-hug, shouldn't he? But he didn't really know where to put his arms, he was so unbearably new to this. Techno eventually settled for wrapping an arm around Wilbur's shoulders and pulling him close, like Tommy and Phil had done to him countless times (specifically Tommy, Phil only did it once or twice before realizing what it did to Techno.)

Tommy continued rambling about how much he 'hated' Wilbur, and how he was a "massive fucking dickhead", jokingly threatening the man multiple times.

Wilbur watched the boy's antics with a smile, smugly saying, "Love you too, you fuckin' gremlin."

And as Techno watches the two bicker with an amused smile, and shares far too many looks with Phil throughout the conversation - Phil giving him a fake look of betrayal once Techno encourages Wilbur to eat sand, again - he realizes something. He realizes again just how much love he holds in his heart for the three people around him. How he'd do almost anything for them, and he knew they felt the same.

When was the last time he was loved?

I always was, he realizes with a small smile, and focuses back on the other three once more.