Chapter Text
At times, Taehyung was certain he was destined for self-sabotage. There were too many examples to choose from, but the most blatant of them all was being his unmatched ability to fall in love with anything that breathes his way in a matter of heartbeats.
It’d been that way since forever, apparently, initials in hearts drawn in the corner of his notebook pages long before his voice had even changed. Though, that only amplified things; puberty introduced a plethora of other people to fall in love with, especially as he grew into the person he was today, that period of his life accounting for countless stolen kisses & empty tissue boxes.
“That’s sounding like an addiction to me.” Namjoon said pointedly as they tidied their books, class finished for another day. Taehyung sighed dramatically.
University was something like puberty but amplified, Taehyung certain that he ended up besotted at least six times on a short walk across campus.
Though, it wasn’t half as enjoyable as it may appear; for they only came and went, his heart so big and desperate to fully devote itself to a fault often left in tatters.
His newest friend and statistics partner saw his red eyes and dreary complexion from the second he stepped into the lecture hall, making the mistake of asking what was wrong and unknowingly breaking the paper-thin wall Taehyung had erected & maintained up until then. He momentarily burst into tears once more, stopping not long after to allow their lecturer to further suck the life out of him, as if life wasn’t hard enough.
“It’s not an addiction, it’s not my fault that I see the best in people and fall in love.” he sulked, shrugging on his jacket.
“It certainly is naïve, though.”
“I didn’t know philosophy was your degree.”
“It isn’t.”
Taehyung spared him a cold glance. “Maybe tomfoolery is.”
“You’re hurt, I understand that. But it was just a talking stage. Surely, if you fall in love so promptly, you’ll find someone by sunset,” Namjoon reasoned, taking off his glasses. Taehyung stared at him, wide eyed. “not me, please not me.”
“First of all, God no. Second of all, with that logic let me just break your glasses, you can grab some new ones by the end of the week, no?” he clasped his hands together, blinking rapidly. “though, I think you’d rather just keep the pair you like and are comfortable with, instead of getting used to new ones.”
“You know, I was going to take pity on you and invite you over for ice cream but fuck that, go get cafeteria frozen yoghurt and be miserable.” Namjoon feigned annoyance, walking away.
And like the weak soul he is, Taehyung chased after him, wrapping his arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry! I’m just trying to show you that you shouldn’t downplay it just because it wouldn’t affect you as much. I really liked Junwoo.”
Namjoon shook his head, also shaking him off. “Fine, I shouldn’t have said that too, now come on before I change my mind.”
Taehyung made a mental note to apologise to Namjoon for infiltrating his solo study, following him onto a bus heading downtown. His friend noticed his silence, tapping his arm with an earbud; the Namjoon equivalent of a tight hug.
With a dejected smile, Taehyung took the earbud and placed it in his ear. “Welcome to Joonie radio, which is reserved only for the baddest bitches and statistics legends, so if you’re listening, guess what! To kick things off, Megan Thee Stallion.”
His friendship with Namjoon had always been quite peculiar; at first, he’d ignore his existence no matter how many times Taehyung tried to approach him, only truly speaking to him the day they had to work on a mini project. Taehyung took the opportunity and ran with it, suggesting they exchanged numbers & they found themselves texting long after the project was completed. He’d been fascinated by the friendlier side of Namjoon, someone who always appeared so put together who sometimes outdid him in terms of messiness. Namjoon was equally surprised by the calmer, wiser side of Taehyung, and grew inherently fond of him no matter how many times he’d deny it should he ever be held at gunpoint.
“Everything goes, okay?”
Nowadays, Namjoon and his giant, wise brain are his go-to for advice and mostly verbal comfort, though today he allowed him to lean on his shoulder.
“It sucks,” he exhaled, kicking a stone as they walked down the road. “it makes me never want to fall in love again, because what’s the point? I’ll just get hurt again. And, to meet a whole new person and get to know them from scratch just feels so...daunting?”
“Humans tend to like what’s most comfortable, and what you’re used to is far preferable to the unknown,” Namjoon smiled. “that’s quite normal. But I guess you have to give yourself time to heal and eventually get back out there. If people stopped themselves from falling in love because of the fear of getting hurt, well...the world would be very different.”
As they furthered from the buzz of downtown, Taehyung noticed the quality of the houses increasing, Namjoon eventually leading them to an unbearably tall high-rise. He side-eyed him as they stepped onto the elevator.
“What?”
“Were you ever going to tell me you’re rich or just leave me to guess?”
“Please, my roommate covers most of the rent. I’m kind of a freeloader,” he wheezed, typing in the code to their door. “welcome to our not-so-humble abode.”
Humble was far from the correct word for it. This motherfucker has been living lavish and telling me he relates to my struggles?
“My apartment, my parents’ house and my grandparents’ farm fits in here,” Taehyung’s jaw was on the marble floor, staring at the huge TV before him that’d been left switched on. “you don’t turn your stuff off before leaving, you heathen?”
“I think my roommate is home. Come, let’s go to my room.”
Taehyung batted his lashes. “No dinner first? Damn.”
“I’ll literally throw your narrow self out of the window.” Namjoon deadpanned.
“Nothing narrow about this dump truck, thank you very much.” he winked, following behind him.
Namjoon’s room was just what he’d expected; earth tones and white forming the main colour palette, the space surprisingly tidy too. The scent of sandalwood was just enough, Namjoon switching his diffuser off and handing Taehyung a spoon and desert bowl prior to serving some scoops of cookies and cream Häagen Dazs. “Here, you deserve it. If you want to cry, give me a warning and I’ll grab you some tissues.”
“Thank you.” Taehyung sniffled, the first scoop beginning to chip away at some of his heartache.
“Is he in university? Junwoo?”
He nodded. “Education.”
“That’s close to our department.” Namjoon exhaled.
“Yeah, that’s how we met. In the cafe on the mezzanine floor,” he chuckled at the fond memory. “we bumped into each other.”
“I didn’t think that actually happened in real life.” his friend arched an eyebrow.
It doesn’t, Taehyung thought, unless you get knocked on your ass and freak out so hard you KO. He grimaced. “Oh, you unlocked something. I passed out in front of him, he stayed with me in the nurse’s room and we got talking.”
“Ah, considerate.”
“It’s just how things fell apart overnight; why would you even bother me if you don’t want anything serious? Why would you say all the things you said if you weren’t serious about me and only wanted to hook up, and when I wasn’t down you moved on like it never happened. How can someone be so cruel to play with someone’s feelings like that?”
He’d started to cry by then, quickly wiping his tears before Namjoon offered him a tissue. “Some people are just evil like that, and if it’s any reassurance, they’ll get what they deserve. In the meantime - and I know how much I hate hearing this, let alone you, but it’s facts - that one person that’s going to make you want to take the leap may be closer than you think.”
Taehyung became still for a moment. “Are we about to kiss right now.”
“Get out of my house.”
“Kidding,” he laughed. “I hated that, but you’re right, like always.”
“Only most times,” he winked, reaching for his laptop from his bag. “I was going to suggest studying but I think you might throttle me so, Netflix? You pick, anything you want to watch.”
Taehyung made a second mental note reminding him to never take Namjoon for granted, his usual anti-skinship friend cuddling him for the entire duration of three Bridgerton episodes. He was certain it was because he fell asleep and wasn’t conscious for most of it, but he appreciated the sentiment regardless.
Outside, it had grown colder as much as it had dark, Namjoon’s room dimly lit by neighbouring buildings. Taehyung rubbed his eyes as the credits rolled, and pressed the space bar, silence confirming his theory.
He looked back at the brunette, sleeping so elegantly that maybe a few months back, he would have fallen hard and fast but in the same breath his mouth slowly cranked open, giving way to the most guttural snore he’d ever heard.
“Hey,” Taehyung poked him once he managed to move past whatever kind of exorcism he’d just witnessed. “can I use your bathroom?”
“Second door from here.” Namjoon mumbled, rolling away from him. He uttered a thank you on his way out, walking down the corridor to said second door, that was slightly ajar.
From inside he could hear a voice humming so gently his own breathing was louder than it at times, the acoustics of the bathroom making them sound even more beautiful, if that was even possible. Taehyung stood at the door for a moment, placing his ear closer to the gap to hear better when he felt a sudden breeze on the side of his head, door whipping open at speed.
Staring back at him was a long-haired man, though his eyes were wide and alarmed in the way babies would look when startled. His lips were slightly parted, probably subconsciously mirroring Taehyung’s own expression. As if his body putting Greek gods to shame wasn’t enough, a great part of it was covered in tattoos, and an array of bruises too, Taehyung came to notice, also noticing the absence of a shirt soon after. A tiny, disgruntled sound came from his mouth.
“Hello.” the guy deadpanned, sliding past him with the toolbox he held, power walking down the hallway. By no means was he faster than Taehyung, who flew to woke up Namjoon.
“Hey, hey,” he shook him violently. “I don’t know if you have a hot plumber who can scat sing or someone stealing your pipes, but there’s someone else here.”
“Someone’s here to pipe me?” Namjoon shot up, looking as if he’d just been tasered.
“What are you, a cupcake? No, someone’s in your bathroom with a toolbox. Or was. Has it been that long, Joon?”
He sighed heavily in response, rolling back to face the wall. “Jungkook’s finally unclogging the shower. Relax, it’s my roommate. Surprise, yeah, it’s Jeon Jungkook. And if you must know, yeah, it’s been that long – I don’t know about physics, but chemistry doesn’t really give you time to hook up.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “More on that later. Who the hell is Jeon Jungkook?”
“Are you sure we’re in the same university? He’s literally the campus equivalent to the popular high school jock trope or whatever. Plays centre for the ice hockey team.”
“Explains the bruises,” he hummed, Namjoon arching an eyebrow. “what? he was shirtless.”
“Wow. He probably didn’t know we were here,” he pursed his lips, sitting up with a lazy yawn. “I’m feeling some takeaway, you down?” Taehyung nodded eagerly. “Come on, I’ll ask Jungkook if he wants some too.”
As he followed Namjoon to the living room, his curiosity began to bubble up inside of him, mind suddenly made blank when he came across the aforementioned again. This time, he was in a black hoodie, hair covering his eyes as he turned away from the fridge.
“Takeaway.” he said desperately.
“Glad I didn’t even have to ask,” Namjoon chuckled, sitting up on the kitchen island. “pizza? Is that okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmm.”
Jungkook looked at him like he’d committed blasphemy. Namjoon laughed, somehow cutting through the tension enough to divert his attention back to the options. “Alright, chicken?”
“Ask your guest.” he mumbled bitterly.
“I do have a name.”
“Jungkook, this is my stats classmate, Taehyung. Tae, this is my housemate, Jungkook,” Namjoon introduced gracefully. “play nice now.”
Taehyung found a corner of the sofa to sit at, Jungkook taking the opposite side of the room, his stare palpable even with his phone as a distraction. He snuck a glance through his curls, lifting his head when he caught him shamelessly staring. “Yes?”
“I’ve never seen you before.”
“Likewise. It’s a big campus,” he replied flatly. “physics. You?”
“Engineering. Makes sense now.”
“How we don’t see each other?”
“How you turned down pizza.” he all but yelled, expression unreadable. Taehyung laughed awkwardly.
“It was mine and my ex’s go-to. Would rather steer away whilst my wounds heal, you know?”
Jungkook shifted his gaze. “I’ll look into forgiving you.”
“I should be the one looking to forgive you! I thought you were a burglar. One who hums very nicely, if I may add.” Taehyung nodded, bemused by the way Jungkook crossed his arms.
“You heard?”
As he was about to reply, Namjoon resurfaced, joining Taehyung on the sofa. “Heard what?”
“Nothing.” Jungkook snapped, pulling out his phone. The tone was enough to let Taehyung know this was a matter best left unspoken.
He turned to Namjoon. “How long?”
“They’re on their way, but if you’re worried about going home, Jungkook can drop you off.”
“Who said that?!” he cried out, looking beyond betrayed.
“He lives far, Jungkook,” Namjoon reasoned calmly. “plus, you didn’t get a Mercedes just for it to sit in the garage.”
Unsure of how to react, Taehyung grabbed his phone and scrolled through his settings, somehow still unable to miss Jungkook’s exasperated sigh and Namjoon’s frown. He turned to him with a contrasting smile, asking if there was anything he’d like to watch.
*
Namjoon gave him a quick hug on his way out, Taehyung falling into step just behind Jungkook as he followed him to the garage. He hadn’t spoken much since the food arrived, only adding small comments unless directly spoken to, face still pulled into the slightest frown as he walked in the direction of a glossy black car.
It was a head-scratcher; how could he afford this as a student?
“Parents.”
“Huh?”
“You asked how I can afford this as a student? My parents,” he clicked a button on the keys, doors unlocking. “that’s how.”
“It’s a nice car.”
“Thank you,” there was the ghost of a smile on his face, an expression that suited him better than the displeasure Taehyung seemed to always cause him.
So, because he had little dignity left to lose- “Did I do something wrong?”
“Huh?” Jungkook glanced at him as he checked the street before turning into traffic.
“I’d like to not blame pizzagate back then, but I get the feeling that my presence irritates you.”
“Taehyung, we met two hours ago. I can’t possibly decide you’re annoying after being around you for such a short period of time,” his tone was unexpectedly soft. “Namjoon explained to me why you didn’t want pizza when you went to pee.”
“That big mouthed piece of-”
“Hey, he’s looking out for you!” Jungkook snorted, resting his hands on his legs as they reached a red light. “Sorry about what happened, though. Who even plays with someone’s feelings for that long?” He muttered under his breath. “Asshole.”
“I’ll be okay, according to what everybody says.”
“You will!” Jungkook was suddenly heated, waving an angry finger. “By force! It’s his loss in the end, so you have to believe you are better off!”
“If you say so.” Taehyung found himself laughing, a comfortable silence reached as the streets began to feel familiar again.
It was a short but peaceful drive, Jungkook pulling up to his house a few minutes after the last words they exchanged.
“Thank you, Jungkook. I don’t know how I can return the favour, though.”
“Buy me some banana milk from that convenience store.” he giggled sheepishly.
Taehyung cackled. “You’re funny.”
When he looked back, Jungkook was staring at him seriously. Taehyung quietly excused himself, soon returning with a banana milk carton in hand that he handed to a beaming Jungkook.
“Bye now!” he said, tyres screeching as he sped away.
Taehyung blinked, shaking his head in disbelief before allowing himself in. The house smelled strongly of Chinese food, Hoseok sat on the sofa with a box of noodles on his chest, eyes trained on the TV screen. He flinched a little when Taehyung came into his field of view, immediately grinning. “Hello, you! Where did you go?”
“Namjoon’s. He gave me ice cream, cuddled me and ordered me food, then his housemate dropped me off.” he launched his bag into the armchair diagonal from them, crawling into his arms.
Jung Hoseok was another account of Taehyung’s heart being far too weak for this world. They met at a library, where Taehyung demanded Hoseok to quieten down, but then he was greeted by a heart shaped smile and melodious laughter, and swooned. He swooned once more when Hoseok asked for his number.
After a few weeks of texting, Hoseok mindlessly mentioned that he was looking for a housemate, and Taehyung nearly went into cardiac arrest due to the fantasy he’d played out in his head and obviously jumped at the opportunity.
The crush was quick to die once they moved in, the languages major becoming his second mother.
Though, he was the nicest person to ever grace this undeserving Earth, and always gave the best hugs.
“How was today? You feeling any better?”
“Sometimes I’m okay, and forget about it, then I think about how I’d want to text him at night about that moment and get sad again,” he replied, muffled against his chest. “make it end, Hobi.”
“I wish I could, Taehyung. You don’t deserve this,” Hoseok frowned sadly. “though, did you say Namjoon has a housemate? I thought he lived alone.”
“Me too, but yeah. His name is Jungkook.”
“Jeon Jungkook?” Jimin materialised before them, towel-drying his hair.
“When did you even get here?”
Park Jimin is the light at the end of Taehyung’s tunnel, and another one of his closest friends. When he isn’t out being the hottest person on campus, he can be found cuddled up to him, probably persuading him to binge watch a reality show (which Taehyung secretly loved). Sometimes, he wondered how Jimin survived the 78 days he lived as a baby prior to his birth.
Unlike Hoseok, Jimin was not a prospect date – just someone who was at the right place at the right time and became one of his dearest friends.
“Your house is closer than mine, but anyway - Jeon Jungkook?” Taehyung nodded, and Jimin sat down. “Jeon Jungkook drove you home?”
“I feel like I should be freaking out.”
“Yeah, probably. He’s like, majorly popular, something I thought would be impossible in university.” Hoseok explained as he twirled pieces of Taehyung’s hair around his finger.
“Also majorly hot; oh, Taehyung, I can’t imagine the state of your heart.”
“Eh, untouched. He asked for banana milk as a payment for driving me home then laughed and drove off,” he said. “weird dude.”
“It doesn’t matter, he’s hot and you need a rebound.” Hoseok shrugged and Taehyung gasped.
“Of all the languages you speak you really went with bullshit, huh?”
“He’s sort of right,” Jimin stood up again. “I actually came here to persuade you guys to come to the student bar, we need to get you talking so someone else.”
“I’m too full to move.”
“I’m too heartbroken to move.”
Jimin put his hands on his hips. “Drinks on me.”
“Look at that! I’ll be ready in 10.”
“I’ll go put my shoes back on.”
He scoffed, disappearing into the hallway. “You two are ridiculous.”
It was nearing 11pm when they eventually left in the direction of the campus, which was surprisingly overcrowded for a Thursday night. Jimin proved he was a man of his word, handing out drinks the second they got close to the bar, somehow scoring some free shots for the three of them with a few bats of his eyelashes at the bartender.
“Alright, Taehyung,” his tiny friend hooked an arm over his shoulder, voice somewhat perceptible despite the loud music. “who do you have your eyes on?”
Giggling, he scanned the room, but his smile was short lived. Jimin shook him slightly, but Taehyung couldn’t find it in him to move. He felt frozen, firmly rooted in place, but most of all, deeply embarrassed.
Across from them was Junwoo, a girl sat on his lap. He was surrounded by his friends playing a card game, the girl turning around to kiss him when he won. His friends followed his gaze, both quick to steer him away to the balcony.
“I’m so sorry, Taehyung,” Jimin said gently, Hoseok hugging him tightly. “he’s the worst. I’m so sorry.”
“How did he move on so fast?” he croaked, the shards of his heart beginning to dig into his chest.
“He’s an asshole, that’s why,” Hoseok stroked his hair with a sad expression. “do you want to go home, baby?”
“Fuck that,” he shook his head, eyes landing on his drink. In one swift move, he threw the straw behind him, gulping the beverage in seconds as his friends eyed him in astonishment. “drinks are on me now, catch up!”