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"are you sure you're going to be okay to do this?" were the last words armin had said to her before she had been sent on a boat to marley. she was wearing her usual black scouts uniform minus the gear, but had been given some marley-looking clothes and an eldian armband to put on when she got there.
armin's last words to her rung through her. he didn't question her ability to get the job done; he questioned if she'd mentally be okay with doing it.
"of course i will, armin. i got over him years ago." she responded, an artificial smile on her face. it was the truth. it didn't mean she didn't fear what would happen if she saw him again. keeping her feelings under control was an art she had mastered. after reiner's intial reveal as the armored titan, it was something she had sworn to do.
that day, when the lightning flashed in front of her eyes and his gigantic, armored beast appeared in front of all the scouts on that wall, her heart had cracked into two before she even realized it. the man she loved more than herself - the man she swore to always love - was her enemy all along. was it all fake? had he ever even loved her or did he just use her to look more like a real citizen of paradis?
her questions were never answered because seconds after he transformed and eren had done the same, a fight ensued and she had quickly sprung into action. her heartbreak poured down her and reflected onto her fighting, and she tirelessly tried to break through reiner's armor, hot tears seeping down her face as she screamed. it was the last time she would ever break down like that, she swore in that moment, as her blades broke against his armor and he didn't even feel it.
no, he didn't feel it physically, but emotionally, her blades tore through him. every swing she made against his titan form ripping precariously through his heart. he was breaking inside and tears slid down his face as he fought eren. it was part of the reason why eren ended up getting the upper hand. reiner was too distraught from where he was inside the titan to even react that well. he had broken the girl he loved's heart, like he swore to never do.
everytime the scouts saw him after that, when he was running away with eren or in shiganshina, she was the first one to try and take him down. it never worked. he was too strong. his titan form made it easier for her to try to kill him, because she had seperated the beast before her from the image of the man she loved. in her eyes, he was just another titan.
that was years ago, and she never stopped thinking about him, though her love for him was pushed to the back of her mind and hardly visible anymore. there was truly no sympathy for him left anymore within her, or so she thought.
when she got to marley, with the help of jean who was already hiding out there, she found reiner's apartment and cautiously picked the lock to go inside. he wasn't there. guess she would have to wait.
the pistol she would use to kill him clung tightly to her thigh under her skirt as she walked around his place. there were no decorations of any sort. it was just furniture and dim lighting, and near his bed, stuff was littered on the floor. a pile of clothing, to be specific, and one thing caught her eye.
she softly fell to her knees to grab it. a jacket she had given him - one she had bought from sina's marketplace with whatever money she had saved up and had taken back to the cadets’ cabins to embroider her name into the sleeve. when she had given it to him, his eyes had swelled with tears and she didn't know quite why. that was a few days before they graduated and he had worn it that day after the ceremony, feeling like it was a hug from her wherever he went. he had also been wearing it when he took off with ymir and bertholdt after erwin got back eren.
memories flooded over her as her fingers ran over the old, tainted embroidery on his sleeve. a tear threatened to fall, which she quickly wiped away, recomposing herself. she wouldn't let her feelings get in the way because she was renowned for never failing a mission and if she got emotional, she would.
as she got back to her feet, the door to the apartment creaked open with soft footsteps. her heart pounded hard in her chest as she hid behind the wall of his bedroom, quietly pulling the pistol with a silencer out of where it had been strapped under the uncomfortable marleyan skirt. she would not let her eyes land on him until the moment she was ready to pull that trigger, she thought.
as his footsteps roamed the apartment and a lump began to form in her throat with anxiety, she turned the corner quickly, making him freeze. he had been facing directly in her direction as she pulled back the hammer on the gun, her eyes accidentally meeting his.
his eyes widened with a small gasp as the silence around them grew deafening. all she could feel was her heart pounding in her chest as she strongly held the gun pointed directly at him, her finger resting on the trigger. her eyes had not meant to meet his, but they had and now they slowly watered, looking at her first love’s face.
he looked much older and much more tired. his strong features had grown even stronger with age yet he was much thinner than she remembered, his frail body frozen. he had a messy stubble along his upper lip and jaw and the soft lips she had grown to love so much parted in shock as his eyes watered faster than hers.
neither dared to speak a word, the silence between them telling enough.
tears began falling from both of their eyes as she tightened her clutch on the trigger, ready to pull it. she came here to finish her mission and that was what she was going to do, but damnit, why wasn't he moving? why wasn't he fighting back or even pleading for his life?
all he could do was stare into her eyes, seeing the same eyes that had looked with him with so much love all those years ago. those same eyes had now filled with anger and betrayal and pain. where they had once sparkled with light, they had now grown dim in color with despair.
her eyes searched his for any sign of anger... any sign of will, but there was none. he was still, his eyes only trained on her. he didn't even know how to react, but he knew he wouldn't hurt her. not anymore.
"fight me back. please, fight me back." she pleaded, her chin quivering as her voice began to crack. she could do this. she would do this.
his head shook slowly, his face not reflecting much emotion at all besides the salty tears sliding down it and onto the ground. if he was going to die before his term was up, he wanted it to be her. he deserved for it to be her.
"i won't hurt you." he muttered finally, his voice quiet and sad.
a sob escaped her lips as her cracking voice spoke," you've had no p-problem hurting me in the past. please, just do something, reiner. i c-can't... just fight me! fight me, damn it!"
her hands began to shake, her grip on the gun loosening as her shoulders shook with cries. all he wanted to do was hold her. hold her and kiss her and beg for forgiveness. all she wanted to do was kill him.
"i never wanted to hurt you." he cried, his voice changing pitches with sadness. "i loved you. i still do. i never wanted any of thi-"
"shut up!" she responded, her eyes squinted shut, unable to look at him any longer. he immediately did what she asked, shutting his mouth, making the only noise to be heard from him small cries. her heart was breaking all over again, the love for him she had tried so hard to bury resurfacing. he was a traitor, a murderer, an enemy, a liar. she couldn't love him anymore and she knew it, so why was it coming back to her? seeing his face changed everything.
"i love you too, reiner. i'm sorry." she said softly, looking at him with eyes full of guilt and sorrow, before squinting them tightly again and turning her head away, preparing to shoot him. he was okay with it. he really was.
tears fell from his eyes as they closed softly, ready for a bullet to plant itself between his eyebrows. he was ready for the woman he had always loved to kill him and he felt no resentment towards her for it. all he felt in his last moments were love and guilt. guilt that he couldn't be better for her.
there was a clicking noise followed by a small crash and the bullet never came. he opened his eyes to see she had clicked the release on her gun and the magazine had fallen to the ground, bouncing as it regained balance. "i'm so sorry." she said again, her eyes still closed as she fell to her knees. she had failed her mission. she couldn't kill him and she knew as a result, people would die. she couldn't take out one of marley's weapons and it would come back to bite her later. she was sure of it.
her hands covered her tear-stained red face as reiner looked at her in shock once more. sobs escaped her lips as guilt racked her. she did the one thing she swore not to - let her emotions get in the way.
reiner fell to his knees too in disbelief. why had she not killed him? after everything, why did she let him live?
"w-why?" he asked, his eyes landing on the crying girl. so badly he wished he could hold her.
her puffy eyes finally opened and she looked at the man she still loved so dearly. her frail voice answered," i can't bring myself to stop loving you. after all these years and after all the shit you put me through, some stupid part of me couldn't bring myself to kill you. now people will die because i got emotional."
then it was quiet. the two crying softly before he made his way over to her, his strong arms wrapping around her. she beat at his chest and arms, wanting to be released, but he was stronger and didn't let go. "let me go, you dick." she cried, but her swings at him fell short until she couldn't hold out. she let herself go in his embrace, crying into his shoulder.
he might've been her enemy, but she was never his.
"i love you. i promise you..." he cried. "this was never my choice. if i could take it all back, i would."
his words struck the part of her that was still so soft for him and her swollen, bloodshot eyes looked up to meet his. they scanned them for any sign of insincerity, but all she was met with was his golden eyes full of pain and regret. her shaky hand reached up to clutch his cheek and she responded," i should hate you. i should've put a bullet in your head by now... reiner, why were you just going to let me?"
hearing her say his name was like tasting a drug that he had gone without for so long. his hand reached up to cover her small one on his face and he quietly answered," i only have two years left... and you were my reason for living for all that time. since then, i've just been dragging by out of obligation."
two years left? he only had two years left? the words hurt her heart more than it was already hurting. she had heard it before - the curse of ymir - but seemed to have forgotten all about it these past few years. her eyes filled with tears once more and she said," come back to paradis with me."
his eyes widened and he looked at her. he couldn't. they would probably kill his mom and he wasn't so sure he could leave those kids training to be the next warriors. plus, he was a war criminal to paradis, so what would he do? live his days in a jail? be used as a weapon again?
she saw the internal battle on his face as he quietly responded," you know i can't."
burying all negative feelings and without even really thinking about it, she slammed her lips onto his as hot tears streaked down her face. the feeling that both of them felt was indescribable, and it led both of them to become a mess of tears. their lips moved in sync with eachother as every ounce of resentment she had for him was pushed to the back of her mind. she missed these lips so much. she missed him so much.
his strong arms cradled her as he prayed this moment would never end, because as of right now, it was just the two of them in this world. no different sides, no wars, no deaths, no fighting. just them and their touching lips.
they parted breathlessly and he looked at her with such surprise. he couldn't believe she would want to kiss him after all of this. a few minutes ago she had a gun pointed to his head. already, it seemed like something of the distant past.
"you have done unforgivable things, reiner. but at this point, we all have. just come back with me. i won't let them hurt you or imprison you. i have that power and i will argue in your defense if you just... if you just take a chance on me. none of this is about me not wanting to go back empty-handed either, okay? i just can't be without you. not after what just happened. i love you too much. please trust me." she pleaded, her watery eyes staring up at his.
everything that held him back before was suddenly lost on him and he softly nodded, kissing her soft lips again. he never wanted to go back to that island. he never wanted to desert marley or let anyone down... but if it meant he could have just one more chance at life with the only person he ever truly loved, he would take that chance.
he would take that chance over and over again.