Chapter Text
Lukas Randall had never been good with emotions. In fact, it was why he had chose to become an officer in the first place. He could numb himself, hide any form of attachment. It didn’t scare him— losing people. He could watch those in his precinct drop like flies and not even bat an eye. He lived in Ardhalis for hell’s sake. Watching those you cared for die was just part of the fine print on the lease.
The day the archivist died, Lukas didn’t even look up from his paperwork. They supplied tea and support animals for everyone in the precinct the day they were all expected to return to work, and they were welcomed by everyone. He supposed having a fellow employee die should have shaken him up. It didn’t. Lukas stuck to his coffee. He pet one of the therapy cats once when it rubbed against his leg, but he simply focused on his work. It didn’t hurt when he lost people, he only felt guilt for not being upset over it. Perhaps he simply knew better than to get attached.
He stood from his desk, making his way over to the break room where he filled his coffee yet again. When the office was this tense, the best that Randall knew to do was throw himself into his work. He completed his tasks at twice the pace, taking any extra work he could from the others to keep him busy. Even the Sergeant had decided not to be annoying today. That never happened.
Lukas tipped the coffee pot, only to find it empty. He scowled, immediately setting to making another batch. Last he checked, he had been the only one to touch the coffee. Had he really drank an entire pot by himself? Still, he made more.
He felt a presence at his side and faltered. He hadn’t noticed someone had followed him in until she was reaching for tea, shaking so badly she could hardly hold her own mug. Miss Desroses.
Lukas eyed her hands as his coffee brewed. She was always so steady and kind, such a welcome and assuring presence. A murder in the precinct would certainly affect the likes of her. Lukas had resolved not to say anything, but then he found his mouth opening and forming words before he could stop himself. “Are… are you okay?”
Lila offered him a shaky smile, setting the tea pot down and drawing a long breath. She crossed her arms, “Harvey… Harvey was the best of us.”
A pang of guilt shot through Lukas. He hadn’t even realized that was the archivists name.
“Are you going to the funeral?” Lila asked softly. No, Lukas thought, he didn’t like funerals. The people it was for couldn’t even hear it. What was the point? They were already long gone anyway. All funerals did was resolve the livings guilt for not treating the dead better while they were still alive. “The Lieutenant gave us time off so we can all attend,” Lilia finished.
Lukas glanced back to the coffee pot, letting out a long breath. Lukas wasn’t invited to things often, which he was perfectly fine with— those in the precinct were not particularly fond of him, but he supposed if Lila was the one inviting him, he ought to go. “Y…Yeah. I’ll be there.”
Lila smiled softly, “I know it would mean a lot to him.”
Lukas said nothing else, only nodded, reaching for the pot to pour himself another mug of coffee.
“This city is so brutal,” she whispered. Lukas nodded. It was far too brutal for the likes of her— like an angel had somehow got turned around on her way back to heaven and wound up in hell instead.
“That’s… why we do what we do, right? To make things a little better?”
Lila offered him a smile. Lukas reached over and snagged the tea pot, finishing pouring the rest of her mug before he turned and handed it to her. She smiled at him, and Lukas’ heart clenched. People in the precinct rarely felt comfortable enough with him to even meet his eyes, let alone to actually smile at him.
“Can I do anything?” Lukas asked plainly, and he thought she may shake her head before she hesitated.
“A… hug would be nice.”
Lukas faltered. He had never been a fan of affection. It didn’t bother him, he simply didn’t prefer it. And yet, his arms went around Lila and pulled her small frame against him. She fell into his embrace easily, resting her head on his chest. It was quick— far too quick, and she pulled back first, not wanting to make him uncomfortable he supposed. But Lukas was the most comfortable he’d ever been touching someone. She pulled back, and offered him another tight-lipped smile. “Thank you, Lukas.”
Lukas’s heart did another somersault, and he cleared his throat. “Hang in there.”
She nodded, picking up her tea mug. She was shaking slightly less. “I’ll see you at the funeral.”
Lukas nodded, and turned back to his coffee, grabbing the mug in both hands. He stared down into it, seeing his own reflection in the dark black beverage. He would go to the funeral. If only because she had asked him to.
And he did. He stood next to her and he brought a handkerchief just in case she should need it. And she did. And that was just the start.
Lukas started bringing extras of everything everywhere he went after that, he felt as though he’d went from lone wolf to preening mother hen but he found he didn’t mind it when he’d hand her an extra pen when she required it and she’d flash him a smile.
Lukas Randall had never been good with feelings, but all he knew to do around Miss Desroses was feel. It consumed him wholeheartedly.
Adoration, admiration was a new feeling to him. Jealousy was a new feeling to him. It swallowed him whole. He saw the way she looked at the Lieutenant. It was the same way he looked at her. He couldn’t help but wonder how she couldn’t see it. The way Lukas looked at Lila was the way Lila looked at William, and the way William looked at Kym ,and the way Kym looked at Lauren— Yet he was the only one to see it. A line of unrequited love that trailed through the office like cupid had been determined to hit anyone but a pair.
Lukas shrugged on his coat, finally clocking out and tidying his office for the day before he turned and left.
Why? Why did it hurt so bad to watch her gaze at the Lieutenant that way? Was it because she was the only one in the precinct who understood? Because she was the only one who didn’t think him heartless and cold?
Lukas stifled a cough, clearing his throat as he shrugged his hands into his pockets. This cold weather was messing with him, making his lungs burn. His heart throbbing on top of it was not helping.
He’d seen the way Lila looked at their Lieutenant. He understood why. William was warm and brave and cared for everyone. He was kind and perfect and so charming—
Lukas bit back another dry cough, cursing the weather as he stomped through the streets back to his apartment.
Lieutenant Hawkes was everything Lukas could not be. Of course Lila loved him.
Finally, a ragged cough broke through, wracking through Lukas’s lungs. And then another. And another. He coughed into his sleeve, gasping for air as he dissolved into a coughing fit. He grasped the wall of the alley, leaning on it for support as he hacked, tears welling in his eyes. He dropped to his knees, removing a handkerchief to cover his mouth and nose, hoping it would bring some relief from the cold air that burned through his throat and chest.
The coughing dissolved. He cleared his throat again and again, swallowing over his now-dried throat. He pulled his hand back, and then he faltered, staring down into his handkerchief. Blood. He was coughing up blood. And not only that, in the middle of his handkerchief was a single cherry blossom. Lukas swallowed hard. He’d always had a decent immune system, wasn’t prone to getting sick, it was only the cold that made him cough this way. But never to this extent. He couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been poisoned the same way the Archivist had. He pushed that thought away. He would already be dead if that was the case. Lukas balled the handkerchief up, stuffing into his pocket. Perhaps he could give the blossom to a doctor to test— Lukas wasn’t sure people were supposed to cough up flowers.
If it happened again, he would go see a doctor for certain, but for now, he would simply assume it was a strange coincidence.
Will didn’t get sick. He simply didn’t. His family had the best doctors and a staff well-equipped to the point a single sneeze already had a half dozen maids bringing him tea and medicine and any type of herbal remedy that could possibly heal his ailment. Sickness became a sore subject after his mother. William didn’t argue. He was the heir to the Hawkes fortune and legacy. Sickness was simply not allowed. So when he found himself rushing to the bathroom, hands braced on the ground as he wretched into the toilet, his only thought was his mother. Dread washed over him. This was how her illness had started too. He righted himself when he was finally certain he could not lose anything more from him stomach, falling back against the cold wall. Perhaps if they could catch it quick enough, they could stop it. They could stop this. Will spat into the sink, flushing the toilet with a grimace when someone poked their head around the door.
“William?” A small voice asked mischievously, tone quickly turning serious as she saw him. It was the Sergeant, dressed in her typical patrol uniform. Patrol which Will was very, very late for. “Are you alright?”
The sickness overwhelmed him once again, and William whirled, dropping to his knees before he once again vomited into the bowl. Kym let out a small gasp, moving forward to sit beside him as he finished. She rubbed his back carefully, and William nearly flinched away, but he touch made it better. Far better. Will wondered if he’d ever been sick at all. “Are you alright?” The sergeant repeated. William simply shook his head, before he righted himself once again, allowing her to keep her hands on him. “Perhaps I… should take the day off.”Kym nodded, and she helped him to his feet, toeing the toilet handle to flush it once again.
“What were you doing in the men’s restroom?” William asked, Kym merely shrugged.
“Gender doesn’t exist.”
William didn’t press it. She hailed for a taxi for him, and helped him into his coat before sending him back to his father’s manor. William leaned his forehead against the door, letting the cool air from the window chill his fever. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Kym’s touch had made the dizziness disappear. He pushed away his thoughts, and simply tried to keep from throwing up again in the taxi.
Unfortunately for Lukas, the first time was far from the last, and each time it happened, it only got worse and worse. Next time I’ll go to the doctors, he thought, and then the next time he thought it again until finally, it happened at work. He managed to hide it, the cough that brought him to his knees and the flowers that he quickly wadded in tissue before flushing it down the toilet. This time, he thought finally. He could take a lot, but the last thing he need was for it to happen in the office and leave Lila worried.
Lukas had always hated the doctors. Hated sitting in the small white room alone, hated the idle chatter from outside the door, hated the scent of medicinal alcohol and the posters on the walls. But he’d suffer it. If only it meant the awful hacking would stop.
After what could have been an eternity, or more likely twenty minutes, the doctor and his nurse reentered the room. Lukas sat idly until he spoke, praying he had some kind of answer.
“It’s called Hanahaki Disease,” the doctor said finally.
Lukas raised a brow at him. “Hana…haki?”
“Its a sickness in which perceived unrequited love becomes too much for your mental state to handle and it begins to take an effect on your body.”
Lukas’ stomach dropped. Certainly not. Certainly this was not because of her.
The doctor held up his hand, a blossom sample Lukas had given him pinched between gloved fingers. “These are not cherry blossoms, in fact they’re your emotions turned into a physical state that simply look like flowers. It’s your body coping.”
Lukas stared at the man, unable to speak.
“Do you know who may be causing this?”
Lukas simply nodded. “Are you sure? Sometimes it can be a different person than you may think—“
“I know,” Lukas said briefly. Of course he’d know. That awful little ray of sunshine who made his heart do things other than beat normally. Now, she was affecting his lungs as well.
The Doctor cleared his throat, “Surgery can be done to remove these blossoms from your chest. It’s a quick, painless, inexpensive procedure, but as a result, you will stop loving the person you desire. And if the love is not unrequited well…”
Lukas stilled. He had thought of it a million times. Holding her hand and walking through the park, taking her to plays, or to dinner, or really anywhere she wanted to go, their horrifically unnerving Sergeant teasing them, even that he wouldn’t mind. He wouldn’t mind anything so long as it was with Lila. “Will it go away on its own?” He asked.
The Doctor nodded, “As you learn to get over this person the blossoms will fade and you will go back to normal.”
Lukas nodded. He supposed having the blossoms removed made the most sense. But what if? What if it were not unrequited forever, what if he could find someway to make her agree to care for him, or at least to allow him to care for her— He knew she could never love him back. And yet he said, “I don’t want the surgery.”
The Doctor simply smiled, “Nobody ever does.”
As the door fell shut behind the Doctor, he fell back against the medical bed and groaned, rubbing his face. Lukas Randall really wasn’t good at handling emotions.