Chapter Text
CHAPTER 1: KAWORU IS SUS?????
It all started when Shinji introduced Kaworu with this game that he found on r/dankmemes, Among Us. Kaworu didn’t know much about video games but his boyfriend, Shinji, was a twitch streamer (even though nobody watched his streams) so he knew a little bit about video games. At the very least, he enjoyed playing candy crush and flappy bird on his ipod nano.
“Shinji, how do I know who is what the lilim call “sus”?” Kaworu asked, struggling to figure out how to play the game.
“If they like… uh… it’ll make sense. I’m gonna start my stream now.” Shinji had replied, being the pissbaby he is, he was absolute shit at explaining video games.
“Why is my name red?” (OH SHIT!!)
“You see Kaworu,” moving his gamer headset that he grinded for by working at Gamestop for 10 months (yes Gamestop is still open even though the second impact happened shut up), “It means you uh……. You need to kill the people and the stuff and uh…”
Kaworu frowned, “Shinji, am I ‘sus’?” feeling absolute anguish, compared to the like 10000 alternate universes in which Kaworu has had to die for Shinji this was the worst. “I can’t kill you Shinji, I love you!” (netflix is fucking fuming rn) Shinji didn’t even know how to reply to him.
“You have to kill me Kaworu, it’s part of the game,” Shinji sighed but secretly smiling on the inside because he knew he would get more twitch subs by queerbaiting. (is it queerbait if kawoshin real?) “I can help you. Here, give me you ipod nano.”
“NO!! I won’t kill you!” Kaworu yelled, hiding his ipod nano behind his back, he would (not) be sus, even if it ‘killed’ him. “VOTE ME OFF VOTE ME OFF!!!” But Shinji was determined for those sweet sweet queerbait twitch subs, he couldn’t just let the opporititity (amazing grammar lol(*grammer)) go.
“No- uh, I’ll work with you!!” He tried.
“Haha sorry guys, isn’t my boyfriend so cute?” Shinji said, praying and hoping someone will give him $5 for queerbaiting so hard. (ITS NOT FUCKING QUEERBAIT JESS THEY ARE CANON!!11!)
Shinji checked the chat and saw that a person named IHATEQUEERS said ‘shut up shinji everybody knows ur queerbaiting for subs youre just made me and rei are famous’. Shinji threw down his headset and started raging. FUCKING ASUKA RUINING EVERYTHING HE DOES!
“FUCK YOU ASUK- IHATEQUEERS!!! IT’S NOT FUCKING QUEERBAIT WE’RE DATING FUCK YOU!!!” Due to the raging, about 3 more viewers joined the stream. “OH HEY GUYS!” Shinji said, sitting back down and continuing the game to see that they were now in an emergency meeting because “white sus”.
“Oh no, who could possibly be sus?” Shinji said, acting as if he was surprised as if his viewers didn’t hear that kaworu was the imposter (insert shitty among us joke). “Let’s check the chat to see who everybody this is sus…”
Red (IHATEQUEERS): where
Cyan (rei38837228932): i think that white is sus he keeps following purple (shinji)
Purple (ShinjiDoesGaming): NO HE DIDDDNT!!!!!! YOURE JUST SAYING.,, THAT BECAUSE UR SUS THIS IS SO MEAN REI I HATE YOU UR RUINING MY TWITCH STERAM OH MY GOD I TOLD U NOT TO SEAY KAWORU SUS EARLY ON
White (Shinjis_boyfriend): but i love him i am not what lilim call sus i love shinji
Red (IHATEQUEERS): white then why weren’t you doing any tasks.
White (Shinjis_boyfriend): what are that
Purple (ShinjiDoesGaming): LEAVE HIM ALOINE HES NEW TO THE GAME ASUKA UGH YOURE SUCH A BULLY!!!!!!!! I KNEOW URE NOT THE IMPOSTER KAWOTRU…….
Red (IHATEQUEERS): he’s literally the imposter you fucking g*y people i hate homos, he literally said his name’s red
Pink (mariuwu): come onnnnnn asuka you cant just say someone is sus because their name is red! nobody even got killed yet wheres the fun in that nya ;)
(VOTING TIME)
White (Shinjis_boyfriend): who are i vote for i love you shinji who do i vote for
Red (IHATEQUEERS): its fucking white i swear if you fuckers dont vote white dumbass g*ys
Purple (ShinjiDoesGaming): NO NO NON ONONO!!!! DO NOT FUKCING VOTE HIM OFF PLEASE NO HE’S NOT FUCKING SUS I HATE YOU ALL !!111 VOTE FOR YELLOW (KensukeDoesIt) HE HASN’T SAID ANYTHING!!!
Black (TOJIPROGAMES101YT): nah kensuke was just afk because he was busy watching WHAT IS THE NEW AMONG US META?!?!??!?! youtube videos
White (Shinjis_boyfriend): what if it is black what if it’s you toji what do you think shinji my love i love you what if it’s him
Yellow (Kensuke_CRAFTZ_DIAMONDS): vote toji off he deserves it after he made fun of me for staying up until 8 am watching among us corpser (lol great grammar guys moment) and aoc stream
VOTES:
White: 1 vote
Black: 4 votes
Purple: 1 vote
TOJIPROGAMES101YT was not the imposter. 1 impost remains.
“WHO FUCKING VOTED ME?!?!?!” Shinji screamed, having a fucking meltdown over nearly getting Kaworu voted off.
“Oh, is that bad?” Kaworu asked, “I thought I was just choosing a favorite player.” he said, clearly either being one of the worst Among Us players ever or being smart enough to fake being the worst.
“DINNER TIME!” Misato crashed in, making Shinji jump out of his gaming chair and stub his toe on his gaming desk. “I brought you your favorite- dino nuggies and chocolate milk! Oh wait, are you streaming right now?”
Shinji slammed his light up pro 800 dollar headset onto the floor, “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M FUCKING BUSY!?” He yelled, taking the nuggies and placing them on his table.
“Hello.” Said Kaworu, now playing Among Us completely unsupervised.
“What game is this? Is this the sus one?” Misato asked, getting into Shinji’s 900 dollar gaming chair without his permission. (WHAT THE HELL MISATO!!/!!?!?!?!/11/!?1)
“GET OFF MY GAMING CHAIR GET OFF MY GAMING CHAIR GET OFF MY GAMING CHAIR!!!” Shinji angry whispered, trying his best not to cry. His hands shook and he started angrily stomping on the ground.
“MISATO MY VIEWERS ARE WATCHING ME YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING NOW EVERYBODY IN CLASS IS GOING TO MAKE FUN OF ME AND-” (lol loser)
“Oops-” Said Kaworu, and suddenly a meeting had started.
“KAWORU WHAT TH- Kaworu what did you do!?” Shinji tried his best (shaking and crying) in order not to completely blow his boyfriends cover so that there would still be funnie queerbait (not really queerbait).
“Is sus a new kids swearing word, Shinji!?!” Misato asked sternly, before taking his dino nuggies as punishment.
Suddenly, Shinji saw on the computer that he was getting a flood of new viewers on his twitch stream. His eyes lit up and saw a new money opportunity. “DON’T TAKE AWAY MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!!!” Shinji screeched, grabbed the plate of dino nuggies Misato was holding and shattered it onto the floor. “AMONG US FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Kaworu clapped because he assumed that this was a play or something, “GOOD JOB!!” he yelled, waving his ipod nano around.
“KAWORU GET ON THE FACECAM!!” Shinji told him, fueled by pure dino nuggie and Among Us adrenaline. “Oh shit-” and then he saw the chat.
TWITCH CHAT
Programer123423: check ur game lmao u just got killed
GaysSUCK420: lol it’s kaworu
AMONGUSPLAYER1111: sick play dude but yeeeeeah i think kaworu sus
TheImposterDoesIt2009: this is kinda :weirdchamp: that you dont just admit that its kaworu :omegalul:
Gaming_Pro_2012: :pog: does this mean the imposter will get kicked out rn
GaysSUCK420: i sure hope it does! That h*mo should have been kicked from minute one :kappa:
“NO WAY…” Shinji said, dramatically falling to the ground and putting his hands to his head (eoe reference). “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN... WHO COULD’VE KILLED ME… WHO WAS SUS…”
Suddenly, Kaworu got extremely quiet, and placed his ipod nano on the table carefully. “Please forgive me…” he said before literally passing out.
“HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS IN THE DINO NUGGIES- I MEAN- OH NOOOOO!!” Shinji screamed like a FNAF letsplayer in 2015, secretly pleased with the current drama.
“I didn’t mean to… I pressed the button… I didn’t know what it meant…” Kaworu said, looking as if he just went through another timeline where he had to sacrifice himself for Shinji. “Does this mean I’m what the lilim call sus?”
“Kaworu, you were the… IMPOSTER!?” Shinji fake-gasped, hoping that Kaworu would play along (he didn’t).
“I thought you knew!? WAIT, DO YOU NOT KNOW I’M AN ANGEL EITH-” Kaworu had started lose his fucking mind live on Twitch dot tv so Shinji decided it would be best to interrupt.
“KAWORU LETS FUCKING KISS!” Shinji screamed so hopefully his twitch viewers can hear him. He saw the chat explode and new viewers coming in rapidly and his eyes changed into those fucking money signs like in the cartoon. LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Obviously since Kaworu had been through like probably a hundred timelines where he had to die for Shinji he wasn’t going to turn down kissing him, even if it was for queer”bait” Twitch viewers. “YES, BUT ALS-”
Shinji leaned in for a kiss for some sweet sweet twitch subs. When he saw someone donated FIFTY DOLLARS TO HIM, he pushed Kaworu away (well Shinji has shrimpy ass arms so it’s more like lightly pushed) and started screaming “POGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!” and actually kissed Kaworu.
“KAWORU THAT’S LIKE FIVE DOLLARS ONCE I SUBTRACT WHAT MISATO TAKES!! WE’RE FUCKING RICH!!” At this point, the Among Us game was completely abandoned, seeing as everyone in the game was voting for Kaworu no matter what.
“WE CAN BUY… OUR OWN DINO NUGGIES!! AT TARGET!! NOT KMART!!” Shinji was having the best day of his emo, emo little life.
Shinji hopped onto the discord vc to tell everybody in his gamers only discord server (that he personally mods) the good news. Unfortunately, before he could do that, Asuka stormed into his bedroom.
“YOU LITTLE FUCKER HOW DID YOU MAKE FIFTY DOLLARS OFF OF QUEERBAIT WHEN I GET YOUR HANDS ON YOU I’LL BEAT (domestic volience (great grammer guys) is not okay :( unless if it’s shinji ikari) THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND-” Asuka said, preparing to break Shinji’s $10,000 gamer setup.
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! DIS ISH SO MEAN >_<” Shinji began to KYAA, hoping that it would make his Twitch chat think he was a tumblr softboy (it didn’t work because he’s fucking shinji (#FUCKSHINJI get it trending)).
“WHY DO G*AY PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN WHAT THE FUCK WHO DONATED THAT I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR GAMING CHAIR-”
Just then, Kaworu got up and got into a fighting stance. (NO WAY!!!)
“FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” Kensuke started screaming on the discord voice chat with his shitty snowball mic while Toji joined in.
Shinji saw the number of people who were coming into his live stream was booming (NOW ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE??!?!???!??!??!?!??!) and decided it was time to capitalize off this just like r/memeeconomy taught him to.
He stepped in the middle of the fight and said, “GUYS! I know there’s only one of me but there’s enough of me to go around.” Shinji then flashed his classic smile that he copied from Sonic the hedgehog. (OMG EVANGELION REFERENCE HEDGEHOG DILEMMA!?)
Asuka literally growled, “I’M GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!!” and Shinji decided it would be a good time to pretend to be a softboy again (#fuckshinji)
“KYAAAAA DON’T FIGHT OVER ME GUYZZZZ BUT PLS PLS I NEED TO BE PROTECTED KAWORU >_< SAVE MEH LULZ!!! NYA” and Kaworu PUNCHED Asuka! (THIS IS SO CRAZY!)
Suddenly, Shinji switched to sports commentary mode, “Annnnd Kaworu goes in with the punch, a pretty bold move to start with.”
Misato bust in, trying to see what the racket was all about. “Now what is going on in here youngsters?” Misato said, suddenly switching to a southern accent since she had one too many white claws.
She noticed that Kaworu and Asuka were fighting and saw Shinji nodding his head frantically and rubbing his hands together like he was trying to express that they could make BIG money off of this.
Well, Misato never turned down a great way to earn a few bucks off of exploiting Shinji’s labor and starting talking like a sports commentator as well. “WHAT MOVE IS KAWORU GOING TO COUNTERACT ASUKA WITH?!?!??!? WILL IT BE MUY THAI? TAEKWONDO???? MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF KA-RA-TE(she say it like spong bop 😲)?!?!?!? I KNOW A LITTLE BIT OF WWE MYSELF!”
The boxing sound effect started to play from Shinji’s shitty phone speakers, and he was starting to envision the like 3 dollars he could make off of this.
“ANNNND KAWORU KICKS ASUKA’S SHIN!!” He commentated, hoping to god he’d win so that they could start a couples prank channel on Youtube.
SUDDENLY, Kensuke burst into the room with an entire TV crew from the WWE people “SIGN THIS CONTRACT SHINJI!! WE’RE PUTTING YOU ON FOOD NETWORK!”
“I KNEW THIS COULD BE MY BIG BREAK!!!!” Shinji yelled and immediately tried scurrying around to find a pen(pen) to sign the contract.
Unfortunately, Shinji hadn’t been paying attention to the fight enough and realized instead of fighting Kaworu, Asuka BROKE HIS FUCKING GAMING MIC AND HEADSET. “No… No…” Shinji said, tears falling out in disbelief. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
“ANNNND THATS A WRAP- USE THE CODE KENSUKEDOESIT ON THE WALMART WEBSITE FROM 10% OFF ON DINO NUGGIES!!” Kensuke said to the camera, having captured the most EPIC FIGHT that Shinji had probably ever witnessed.
Shinji, however, was fucking crying laying on the floor. “I HAVE TO SPEND ALL OF THE MONEY ON NEW GEAR… ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GET QUEERBAIT MONIES….” Kaworu walked up to him and looked even more guilty than when he had killed him in Among Us.
“I’m sorry Shinji… I’ve failed… the couples pranks channel will have to wait…”
Finally, the live stream ended. Shinji got up from the floor and wiped away his tears to check his stats.
40 new subs / total of $70 from donations / 3000 viewers
“THAT’S IT! I’M GOING TO BE AN AMONG US STREAMER! JUST WATCH, I’M GOING TO BE THE NEWEST FAMOUS GAMER!”
END