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The sixth time that Malik walks by and very deliberately double-taps Paula’s shoulder, she finally says, “Am I supposed to know what that means?”
Malik stops and gives her an odd look. “Hasn’t someone told you?”
“Nobody’s told me anything.”
“Oh.” He pauses. “Did you want me to explain?”
“Yes,” Paula says, a little irritated despite herself. She knows all the weird little in-things that the Tigers do, but she’s only been on the Garages for a month, and she’s still learning. And this one seems more… unusual than most.
Malik just nods. “War room in five,” he says, like that explains anything, and then wanders off.
“War room,” Paula repeats to herself. “What’s the war room?”
The most logical conclusion is the captain’s office, so Paula heads over after a couple minutes. She pokes her head in the open door. “Is this the war room?”
“Shh!” Mueller makes a hand gesture that Paula can’t even begin to parse. “Secret mission!”
“Secret mission,” Paula repeats in bemusement. “And I’m a part of it?”
“You’re our secret weapon.”
“Why am I—”
She’s interrupted by another double-tap on her shoulder. “Knew you’d get it,” Malik says brightly, and wanders over to sit on the captain’s desk. Teddy, sitting behind the desk, swats at his side, which Malik ignores. “You ready for a war meeting?”
Paula glances around the room. Gwiffin and Huerta are standing in a corner together, huddled over a couple papers. Ollie is next to Teddy, shoulders tenser than she’s ever seen. Only Malik looks relaxed, tail twitching in what she would guess is excitement.
“Oooookay,” she says. “You want me to close the door?”
“No,” Teddy sighs, at the same time that Ollie and Arturo bark out, “Yes.”
Paula closes the door. Just in case.
Ollie claps his hands together. “Alright! Turnip, welcome to the war room.”
“You’re all insane,” Paula says, as politely as she can. “We got knocked out of the playoffs two days ago. We don’t need to strategize for next season yet, we’ve got a couple months off.”
Malik waves a hand in the air. “This isn’t strategy, this is fun stuff.”
“Old rivalry,” Ollie says grimly. “Old bitter rivalry.”
“Not that bitter,” Greer mutters. “You know what the Solympic Flame is?”
Paula frowns. “That thing the Sunbeams do?”
Arturo and Greer exchange a look. After a second Arturo says, “We were hoping you knew a little more about it than that.”
“I know the gist,” Paula says slowly. It started out as a Hellmouth cult thing: every season they light a torch in honor of the sun, and they don’t extinguish it until the Sunbeams are in party time. A couple years ago the rules changed so that both the Tigers and the Sunbeams had to be in party time, in honor of the anti-rivalry, so it’s still lit right now, somewhere in the Solarium.
Not that it matters, of course, because the torch always gets mysteriously extinguished. It used to happen quite early in the season, but it’s been getting later and later. Last season it’d been extinguished only a day before the Beams entered party time. Almost like the people who were doing it were busy, or dealing with something else.
It’s the Garages. They talk about burning out the sun in their songs, for Christ’s sake, they’re not even trying to hide it.
“She doesn’t need to know about the torch,” Ollie says, then remembers himself and turns to Paula. “We don’t need you to actually know things about the torch. We need you to be a decoy.”
“A decoy,” Paula repeats flatly. “For what?”
Teddy gestures at Greer and Arturo, who lift up blueprints for the Solarium. She stares for a second and then turns back to Teddy. He shrugs. “We’ve been doing this for years, and we have a system. There’s a limited number of places that they could be stashing the torch, and they’re not going to put it out until—” he stops suddenly.
“Until the Tigers lose,” Paula finishes for him. “Or until they win.”
She has two Internet Series championship rings. She keeps them on a tassel tied to her keychain, a comforting weight at her hip. If the Tigers win this series, that means they ascend. Without her.
Teddy nods, looking uncomfortable. Malik rolls his eyes. “We’re using you to distract the Sunbeams,” he explains. “Normally they’ll have one person whose job it is to watch the flame. We’re going to try to get it on the third day of the finals.”
“Last minute?”
“They won’t see it coming. Your job is to go to the Hellmouth on the second day of finals and see if you can figure out who’s going to be on guard duty, or even better, where they’re keeping it.”
Paula has to try not to wince. “None of you can do it?”
“It’s too suspicious if it’s one of us,” Arturo explains. “But we figured, you had the whole Tigerbeams thing—”
“I’m not nearly as involved in that as you think I was.”
“But can you try?”
Paula wants to ask why. Paula wants to point out that she hasn’t been on the team that long, and that she’s the only person in this room that wasn’t here in season one, and that’s kind of weird. Paula wants to say that she never got the whole Tigerbeams thing, that Hades was her home and not hell and there’s actually a pretty big difference, thanks, that she never bothered getting close enough to the Sunbeams that they’ll believe that she just wants to visit randomly.
But on the other hand, this does sound fun.
“Fine,” she sighs, and everyone lets out a breath of relief. “But I want to be in more war room meetings next season.”
Teddy frowns. “Why?”
“Because—” Paula points at the blueprints. “See that abandoned concessions stand in the upper left? It’s been overrun by inferno goats for three months, and if that’s your entry point you’re about to have a bad day.”
“What the fuck is an inferno goat,” Greer says, aghast.
“Exactly what it sounds like, I bet,” Malik mutters. “Fine, you’ve made your point. Can we count on you, Agent Turnip?”
“I prefer double-oh Turnip,” Paula replies dryly, and the surprised little snorts she gets from all around the room are more gratifying than she expected.
#
Ollie gives her an itinerary — not suggests one, not emails one, but gives her three paper copies of an itinerary. “We take the rules very seriously,” he tells her, very seriously. “This is a very serious matter.”
“Cool,” Paula says, and starts folding a paper airplane out of one of the copies. Ollie’s eye twitches. “So is this, like, a kill-gods thing, or just something that got out of hand?”
“Both,” he admits. “But we’ve been doing it for so long that none of us want to stop, so— take it seriously?”
She throws the airplane at his face. “I’m taking it very seriously,” she says, poker-faced, and he finally cracks a smile.
Her itinerary lands her in Hellmouth bright and early on the first day of the series, so she has enough time to settle in before going on her recon mission. For all that the Hellmouth is an actively terrible place to be, Paula’s never actually minded it. Sure, it’s no Hades, but it’s something she knows how to navigate. She spends the morning before the series starts wandering through the streets, making note of what buildings are in new places and getting brunch at a cafe with a name that she can read but not remember. It’s pretty nice.
The Tigers win the first game. She’s trying not to think about it.
It’s actually not that much of an act when she calls Sandoval Crossing the next morning. “I’m in town,” she says, “and I watched the game yesterday by myself, and it sucked, so—”
“We’ve got a seat for you in Siggy,” Sandy says, like it’s that easy. It probably is that easy. “You need one of us to pick you up?”
“Probably,” Paula says, and then pauses. This is a first chance for recon. “Who’s… you know, who’s around?”
“You’re gonna handpick your escort?”
“I’m just curious.”
Sandy hums. “Most of us are hunkered down pretty tight today. I don’t know how many of them would want breaks.”
“You can always—”
“Oh!” Sandy snaps their fingers. “How about I send Zackie?”
Shit. “Uh, I don’t think—”
“That’ll be perfect,” Sandy says, mostly to herself, it sounds like. “She’ll be busy tomorrow, like it or not, so she’ll appreciate the chance to get out now. Just text me your hotel and I’ll send her over, how’s that sound?”
“Perfect,” Paula says, a little too brightly, not that Sandy will notice. “Thanks. You’re a gem.”
“I’m glad you called,” Sandy says, and it’s so sincere that Paula can’t think of anything else to say. “See you soon, Turnip.”
She opens her mouth, but by the time she thinks to say goodbye the call is over.
The thing about Tigerbeams is that it’s completely sincere. The Tigers and the Sunbeams all get along swimmingly. The pitchers have a book club. Moody and Crossing used to have strategy debriefs once a week, and she’s pretty sure that Hiroto kept that going.
Even Paula got swept up in the game nights and the parties from time to time. The Sunbeams weren’t her team, and they weren’t her family, but they were decent friends. She gets along fine with most of them. Enjoys their company, even.
But she doesn’t like Zack Sanders.
Paula does not have a reason for not liking Zack Sanders. She’s perfectly fine. Makes a lot of jokes, even though most of them aren’t Paula’s sense of humor. Wears a little too much eyeliner. Not a great pitcher. Clearly never learned etiquette about being part sunflower, because she always left petals all over the away team dugout. But other than that — well, that and a few other things — she’s fine. Normal.
Paula doesn’t have a single good reason, and yet she can’t stand Zack Sanders. She knows the feeling is mutual, much to her relief, because Zack always acts incredibly weird around her. She twitches a lot. She never wants to be alone with Paula.
Which, okay, Paula’s had her fair share of people being intimidated by her, especially with the symbol from Landry’s jacket branded on her back, especially with the violence that’s still inside her. But it always felt weird coming from Zack, because Paula tried really hard to still be civil to Zack when she didn’t like her, and Zack didn’t try at all.
And now Zack is about to be her babysitter, which is so annoying that it takes Paula a minute to realize what Sandoval just said: Zack’s going to be cooped up tomorrow. And maybe not willingly.
That sounds like guard duty.
#
MESSAGES >> heist squad 🔥❌😤💪💯
turnip for what: hey guys I have intel
turnip for what: uhhh why is my name different now
malik “that bitch” destiny: i was bored :<
ollie (not notarobot): intel?
turnip for what: I’m pretty sure Zack Sanders is gonna be watching the torch tomorrow
o capteddy my capteddy: how sure is pretty sure?
turnip for what: uhh not Sure sure but i’m gonna keep investigating
malik “that bitch” destiny: YES GO PAULA SECRET AGENT 🅾🅾🥔
turnip for what: I don’t have time for this but can someone make sure that he knows that’s not a turnip
turnip for what: just for my peace of mind
#
The first thing that Zack Sanders says is, “You didn’t have to get a hotel, you know.”
Teddy actually offered to get her the hotel room, so Paula just shrugs. “Thanks for picking me up,” she says. Zack gives her a half-suspicious look, which she ignores. “You gonna show me around town?”
“I’m showing you straight to Sigmund,” Zack mutters. “Have you actually met Sigmund yet? Or were you too busy?”
Paula bristles. She’s only been inside the Sunbeams’ new home once or twice, but the question is grating as hell. “I was on the Tigers longer than Sigmund’s been on the Sunbeams, you know.”
“Terrific,” Zack says flatly. She turns around, a couple of tendrils in her hair whipping behind her. Paula grits her teeth and doesn’t say anything, because Zack’s haircare isn’t her business. “Come on, let’s get going. I don’t want to miss any of the game.”
Paula rolls her eyes. That’s the thing she never liked about Tigerbeams: for all the lovey-dovey shit, they’re two different teams. Zack might say things about wanting to see the game, but her stake in things is completely different from Paula’s.
But Paula knows that. It feels some days like she’s the only one who knows that. They’re all in this together, but there are different kinds of togetherness. There was her, together with Landry; there is her, together with the Garages; there is her, the loosest kind of together with the Breath Mints or any other team.
She’s pretty sure she would take any other player over Zack. But she doesn’t have the luxury of choice, as per usual, so she walks with Zack in silence.
#
The Tigers lose to the Crabs.
Paula wishes that she could watch it by herself. The Sunbeams are sitting together, a little knot of worry and tension, and Paula doesn’t want to be a part of the knot. She wants to be in Hades.
Only half of the Sunbeams are there, which makes it hard to tell who’s on guard duty today. But everyone lets Paula have her space. Zack doesn’t say a word to her after they’re in the castle. She gets friendly greetings from people, but nobody pushes it. She likes that they don’t push it.
After the game everyone starts filtering out, heading to bedrooms and nights out, but Paula stays behind. She looks at Sandoval. “Need a hand cleaning?”
“You’re a guest,” Sandy says, but she doesn’t stop Paula when she starts drying dishes as Sandy washes them. “So what brings you to town?”
Paula pauses. She didn’t think this far ahead. “Uh,” she says, stalling. “I—”
“I’m not going to tell you where the torch is,” Sandy says dryly, and Paula can’t help but bark out a laugh. “So if you’re going to try and feed me a line about that—”
“You’re two steps ahead of me,” Paula mutters. She doesn’t mind, though. “When did you figure it out?”
“There’s no other reason you’d be here and not in Hades.”
“Why aren’t you in Hades?”
“Because I’d rather see it on TV,” Sandy says. There’s an undercurrent of something dark there, and Paula decides she doesn’t want to ask about it. “How’d they convince you to help?”
“They asked nicely,” Paula answers, and Sandy flashes a smile at her. “Am I going to become your guys’s mortal enemy if I help put out your god torch?”
Sandy snorts. “Please, none of us are heliolatrists. It’s a tradition. If anything it just feels like the world’s weirdest game of capture the flag.”
“So if it’s just a game, then it doesn’t matter if you tell me, right?”
“I’m not going to. But nice try.”
Paula shakes her head, trying to look disappointed. “I’ve failed my mission,” she says solemnly. “I guess I’ll just have to come back tomorrow and try again.”
“You know we’re happy to have you, right?”
She offers a wry smile. “Tigerbeams forever?”
“Well, sure,” Sandy says, but her face creases in a frown. “But also, you can come by just because you want to.”
Paula has to stop and think about that. “Maybe,” she says after a minute. “I’m busy trying to— you know, I lived in Hades all my life. I’m trying to figure out how to put roots down in Seattle before I start planting myself somewhere else.”
Sandy nods. “The offer stands. We all like you, Turnip.”
“Thanks,” Paula says, and she’s surprised to find that she’s pleased by the admission. “I like you all too.”
Sandy arches an eyebrow. “All of us?”
“Yes,” Paula says resolutely, and doesn’t think about Zack. Sandy doesn’t push it, just hums something to herself as she goes back to washing the dishes.
#
MESSAGES >> FLAME OFF 🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯
Pauly: okay I couldn’t get confirmation that it’s Sanders but I’m still pretty sure it’s her
Pauly: Jesus Fucking Christ who did this one
Arty: guilty
Pauly: oh shit I forgot you were in this group chat
Arty: i went for a theme
Mally: at least your name looks normal 3:<
Greery: You wanna say that again catboy
Teddy: turnip how do you feel about being lookout tomorrow
Teddy: we’re going in the morning we just need you to figure out where Sanders is
Pauly: sure
Pauly: can I go to Hades afterwards
Teddy: yeah sure I’m not your dad
Pauly: thanks dad
#
Paula has always liked the Solarium.
Look, it’s an insane and terrible place. There’s a reason Hellmouth has the whole anti-tourism schtick: the Solarium is a nightmare. But it’s a nightmare that she enjoys spending time in. Random corners get overrun by hellish flora and fauna at a moment’s notice, and it’s fun to explore. Like a little zoo that she can play blaseball in.
There’s no real security at the stadium, because the Sunbeams always figured that the whole hell thing would be enough to deter wandering fans, so it’s easy to get in. Paula knows she has a job to do, but she takes a detour for the little grove of bushes that try to bite fingers. It’s her favorite spot, one of the things she misses most about visiting during Hell Series.
She takes her sweet time wandering around, because it’s early, and if Teddy wanted a real secret mission he would’ve sent her overnight. She’s beginning to get the feeling that it’s less about the victory and more about the competition. That would certainly explain why Sandy didn’t just kick her out.
Paula’s so wrapped up in her little tour, visiting the blood finches and even pausing to wave at the inferno goats, that she doesn’t register the growling at first. Or, at least, she doesn’t register it as being different from the usual Hellmouth growling. But after a minute she realizes that the noise is following her, and that’s enough to get her attention.
She turns around as slowly as she can, and then huffs out a breath. “Really?”
Paula doesn’t know a lot about Zack’s whole… sunflower business. It’s not like it ever directly affected her. During some games Zack is humanoid, even with sunflower petals for hair and leaves between her fingers. And during some games she looks like this: four-legged and huge, with a sunflower for a head, vines all around her body and a massive tail. She doesn’t know how much of the beast is Zack and how much is an animal, but judging by the way it’s growling, it definitely recognizes her.
“Hi,” Paula says flatly. “I’m not here to bother you, I’m here to check on the animals. Hell goats, and all that.”
Zack lashes her tail, which Paula ignores. She takes out her phone just long enough to text Teddy — she’s not sure where the torch is, obviously, but it has to be pretty close to where they are. When she puts her phone away Zack is still staring at her, as much as something without any eyes can stare. “I’m just passing through,” Paula repeats, as patronizing as she can make it. “And you can stop this whole intimidation thing, because I’m not scared of you.”
Zack growls at her. Paula narrows her eyes. “Don’t you start with me,” she says warningly. “The Hellmouth has nothing on Hades.”
It’s a lie, of course, and Zack certainly knows that. The next low rumble that comes out sounds less like a growl and more like a laugh, somehow.
“Why are you being so difficult,” Paula says exasperatedly. “I’m just visiting the stadium, I told you.”
Zack makes a decidedly annoyed noise. One of the vines near her neck lashes out, and Paula catches it in her hand without thinking. She drops it immediately, not out of surprise but because that is definitely not what a vine is supposed to feel like. “Don’t you moisturize?” she demands.
Immediately Zack stills and looks at her. Paula reaches a hand out, and another vine twines around her palm. She avoids shuddering, but barely. The texture is all wrong, too dry and too papery. “Aren’t you guys all buddy-buddy with the Flowers? Haven’t any of them taught you about grooming?”
There’s no answer, not even so much as a grumble. Paula shakes her head. She shouldn’t get wrapped up in this, it’s not like she cares about Zack Sanders, but this vine barely feels alive. For that matter, the petals around Zack’s face definitely look a little brown. Paula has exactly enough of a conscience to know she has to help. Nobody deserves to live like this.
“Stay here,” she says sharply, and pivots down a side hall. The Tigers were always allowed to keep a stash of personal effects here. It’s partly a shrine now, too — they never got rid of the stuff from Moody, or Landry, or anyone else who left the team.
Paula’s banking on her stuff still being there, and she’s right: there’s a little pile of things in a locker, just where she left them. Most of it is stuff she doesn’t care enough to grab — spare keys, an extra jersey that turned into a Garages jersey while she was gone — but there’s a tiny bottle of plant moisturizer. The good stuff, because the Hellmouth isn’t exactly meant for dryads. She had to take extra care of herself while she was here.
She takes the bottle and heads back out. Zack is still standing guard, but not pacing. Instead she watches Paula, the massive sunflower of her head following her every motion.
“Okay.” Paula holds up the bottle. “This is plant moisturizer. It’s like lotion, but if it were fertilizer and sugar water instead of whatever goes in real lotion. Mine is tailored specifically for wetland plants, but it’ll work for you in a pinch. Tomorrow you’re going to call Gloria Bugsnax, and you’re going to say that you need help finding moisturizer, and xe’s going to help you get some. You got it?”
Zack nods slowly. She sits, tucking her feet under her, tail still swishing.
“Good,” Paula says. “I’m going to help you put it on for the first time, because I know how, but after this it’s up to Gloria or your pet goose. Deal?”
Zack growls, a low warning noise. Paula rolls her eyes. “I don’t care if the goose isn’t actually a pet,” she says, faux-patient. “It’s the principle of the thing. I know you weren’t born as a sunflower, but you really should’ve done something about this by now. Where does it itch the most?”
For a second, there’s no answer, and Paula’s considering threatening to walk away. Maybe that’ll be enough to scare her into answering.
Then, slowly, Zack turns and swishes her tail. Paula can see it right away, places where the plant matter is brown and flaky.
“God, you poor thing,” she murmurs without meaning to. Zack makes a questioning noise, and Paula shakes her head. “I’ll do what I can here, but we should start with the worst spots. Is it okay if I touch you?”
There’s a low rumble that she can’t make sense of. Paula rolls her eyes. “Use your words or stomp a foot or something. One for yes, twice for no.”
Zack immediately thumps her tail on the ground, a hard, decisive swish. Paula screws the cap off the bottle and gets to work.
She doesn’t do this with other people very often. Her sisters, when she was younger. A friend, here or there. It’s intimate, in a horrible and unavoidable way: Paula has to rub the moisturizer into the driest spots, and the surrounding healthier spots. They need to be up close and personal for this.
It makes sense that the tail is the worst of it. Even if Zack doesn’t actually know how to take care of herself — and really, what a terrible thought, that this woman has been suffering through Hellmouth heat for six or seven years without even knowing there was a better way — she probably washes the more humanoid parts of her body more often than the monstrous parts. But the tail looks so bad that it’s making Paula sympathy-itch.
She doesn’t remember deciding to talk, but she realizes that she’s doing it anyways, a low quiet murmur narrating what she’s doing. It feels like talking to a child. She’s explaining every motion, the things that are most exfoliating, the best ways to massage dry spots. Zack isn’t looking at her, but she’s also not making any noise.
Eventually the tail is as good as good’s getting, so Paula moves to another spot. The hind feet are almost as bad, and the front knees. By the time Paula gets to Zack’s back she’s exhausted all the advice about moisturizing, so she switches to stories.
She talks about the time she found out that her youngest sister was using half a bottle of moisturizer every time she cleaned herself. She talks about a friend giving her bad advice, and the horrible series of bad skin days that followed. She talks about trying to make her own moisturizer, not realizing that she’d used ingredients that attracted bees, and the nightmare that had been trying to undo that particular mistake.
It takes her a minute, until she’s rubbing lotion into Zack’s shoulder blades, to realize that she’s not touching a sunflower monster anymore. It takes another second after that to realize that Zack’s laughing at the story, a quiet noise that Paula doesn’t think she’s ever heard before. Certainly not because of anything she’s ever said.
Paula keeps rubbing, mindful of the petals on the back of Zack’s neck. “Better?”
“Yes,” Zack says softly. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“Is this stuff cheap?”
Paula snorts. “Not the stuff I use. But between hell and Hades, you might need the expensive stuff.”
Zack starts to answer, but the noise cuts off in her throat. There are footsteps running towards them. A lot of footsteps.
Paula looks up just in time to watch Malik sprint by, screaming at the top of his lungs. Arturo and Teddy are right on his heels, laughing out loud, and Ollie does some kind of skateboard trick as he passes them. Greer brings up the rear, and he’s the only one who pauses to wave at them as he runs by. Paula grins despite herself. That right there looks like a victory lap.
“Oh,” Zack says, stunned. “The torch.”
That’s her cue. Paula takes a step back, and then a couple more for good measure. That turns out to be a good idea, because Zack whips around to stare at her, wide-eyed. She looks… more upset than Paula was expecting. Shit, Sandy said this wasn’t a religious thing, but maybe Zack’s in it for the religion. She seems like she could be cult-y.
“They’re my ride,” Paula says, and Zack’s face crumples. “I gotta get out of here.”
“I thought—” Zack shakes her head. “Whatever. I have to go tell the team we lost again.”
“There’s always next year.”
Zack looks away. “I hate guard duty. It’s harder than it looks.”
Paula doesn’t know what to say to that. Instead, she holds out the bottle. “This’ll last you a couple more weeks, if you’re careful. Just do what I was doing. Ask a teammate for help with the tail, it’ll be worth it.”
For a second, she thinks Zack’s going to ignore her. But then a vine reaches out and snatches the bottle from Paula’s hand. In the blink of an eye, the sunflower beast is back, massive and lumbering. It growls at Paula, an unmistakably angry sound, and then starts off towards an exit.
Paula watches her go, trying not to feel guilty. Then she turns around and starts jogging. She wouldn’t put it past those boys to leave her behind — not on purpose, but better safe than sorry.
#
The third game is in Baltimore, and the Tigers lose.
The fourth game is in Hades. Paula sits in the stands, near the front, close enough that Zion keeps waving at her whenever gameplay is slow. Paula waves back and thinks about how she’s rooting against her teammates for the first time in her life.
The Tigers lose the series.
#
“I don’t understand any of this,” Betsy says, staring down at the map. “Like, fuckin’ any of it.”
It’s halfway through the next season, and Paula’s ready to admit that she’s terrible at heist planning. For all that she asked for a more active role, her only real contribution so far has been inviting Betsy into the room. It’s partly because they’re the newest player, and it’s partly because she likes them.
Paula points at the southern entrance, clearly crossed out on the map. “That’s the one that floods,” she says helpfully. “We’re avoiding that.”
“Not that.” Betsy looks up at Teddy. “Isn’t this more trouble than it’s worth, especially to pick the right day? The Garages don’t even play against the Sunbeams.”
“We used to,” Teddy points out. “It was a thing every time we went to the Hellmouth. We’d try and put out the torch. We mean all gods, all that.”
“Sandy says it’s not religious,” Paula says. It’s not quite a question, but it sounds like one anyways.
“It used to be,” Malik answers. He’s sitting on Teddy’s desk, his normal war room position, legs kicking against the back of it. “And in the beginning — you know, the beginning beginning — we meant it as a war cry thing. Like, you’re really gonna put a tribute to a god in front of us, the first team that ever lost a player to one of them?”
Paula can’t hide her full-body wince. Teddy shoots Malik a look, which he ignores. Instead he continues blithely, “But after a while the cult thing died down. They depend on the sun, whatever, we don’t resent them for that.”
“And we wouldn’t want to actually hurt them,” Arturo adds quietly.
Ollie folds his arms. “I’m trying to kill god symbolically,” he says resolutely. “You guys are just going soft.”
Paula immediately makes eye contact with Betsy, who mouths going soft? and rolls their eyes. Paula has to tamp down on a snort of laughter. Instead she says, “Is there a reason we’re changing plans?”
“Being strategic,” Ollie says, unfortunately at the same time Malik says, “It’s fun!” The two of them exchange a look before Ollie rolls his eyes and admits, “Also, it’s fun.”
“We need more recon,” Teddy explains. “Turnip did pretty good last time.”
“I did okay,” Paula says, and resolutely does not think about moisturizing Zack Sanders, because that didn’t actually matter at all. It was just a favor, dryad to sunflower. There were a couple of Tigerbeams shindigs over the offseason, and Paula pretty resolutely avoided Zack at all of them. She’s pretty sure Zack did the same, because she didn’t notice her at all.
“Flirting works,” Malik says brightly. “When we saw the Beams regularly I used to flirt with Horne, like, all the time — I mean, that was also because they’re hot, but it worked as a distraction too.”
“I wasn’t flirting—”
“Uh, we saw you, remember?” Malik leans back, one arm thrown across his face like a swooning Victorian heroine. “Oh, Paula, moisturize me, caress my tender plant skin—”
“You make it sound like a horror movie.”
“How would you describe it?” Betsy asks.
Paula grimaces. “Like a horror movie,” she admits, and they cackle. “Just for opposite reasons. We never got along.”
“Keep not getting along,” Arturo suggests. “It worked great last time.”
Paula meets Betsy’s eyes again, hoping for another eye-roll. Instead Betsy waggles their eyebrows, and Paula ends up rolling her eyes instead. “Whatever you say,” she mutters.
#
The Garages’ next series is in Hades, and Paula doesn’t want to leave. Of course she doesn’t. But for some reason, this is important to the team, and let it never be said that Paula Turnip lets down her team when something is important. So she grits her teeth and follows Malik to the Hellmouth for a couple of hours.
Recon with Malik is incredibly different from recon on her own. First of all, Malik is loud. Second of all, Malik is easily distracted and nearly gets eaten by a sinkhole, which he doesn’t seem terribly bothered by. And third and most importantly, Malik marches right up to Sigmund and shouts, “Hey, we’re here to spy on the torch, are you gonna let us in?”
The door swings open. Paula isn’t even surprised.
You could stand to knock, Master Destiny, Sigmund says, although they don’t sound terribly annoyed.
Malik just smiles. “Yelling’s more fun. Where can I find someone else to yell at?”
“Respectful yelling, please,” Paula sighs, but she leads him to the kitchen. She’s visited Sigmund and the Beams enough times to know that that’s their best bet.
It is, unfortunately, a miscalculation, because waiting for them in the kitchen are Hahn Fox and Zack fucking Sanders.
“Malik!” Hahn says brightly. “So great to see you. There’s not going to be any conspiracy corkboards about our torch strategy for you to spy on this time, I’m afraid.”
“This time?” Paula repeats skeptically.
Hahn shrugs. “I was new, I got excited.”
“What if I want a corkboard?” Malik says, but he doesn’t look particularly bothered. “Hi, Zackie.”
“Hi, Malik,” Zack says, fairly pointedly. She’s more plant than person today, without much of a face to speak of, so Paula can look and see how the foliage is doing. It looks leaps and bounds better than it did last time, all a little lusher and a little brighter.
That’s a relief. Paula is looking forward to disliking her a normal amount, instead of feeling bad about it because she’s unhealthy.
Malik claps his hands together. “We’re just in the neighborhood—”
“In Hades,” Paula sighs.
“—and we wanted to drop by, be neighborly.”
“Please give him something so I don’t have to come back tomorrow,” Paula says mournfully. “I was really looking forward to spending time with the Tigers.”
Zack makes a sharp noise that might be a laugh. “You think we’re just going to tell you?”
“Do you of all people seriously want me back tomorrow?” Paula asks without thinking about it. Zack turns away, and Hahn gives Paula a stern look. Shit. “I mean— look, you guys are great, but I’m terrible at this whole spy thing.”
“I’m less terrible,” Malik interjects brightly.
Paula gives him a dirty look. “You’re also more annoying.”
“Matter of opinion,” Zack mutters, and Paula can’t help but snort out a laugh. “We’re not going to say where we’re keeping it, so you can leave.”
“Can we get a hint?”
“Nope.”
“Underground? Ground floor?”
“I’m not saying a word.”
“For Christ’s sake,” Paula says exasperatedly. “Can you at least say it’s in the Solarium? Can we get that much?”
Zack doesn’t answer. But Hahn has a terrible poker face. Or at least, it’s bad enough that Paula notices her eyes widening.
“Oh my god,” Paula says, and Hahn winces. “You’re keeping it somewhere else?”
Malik immediately grabs Paula’s elbow. “Great job, double-oh turnip,” he chirps. “I don’t mean to cut the social time short, but I think we should report back.”
“Already? We could keep—”
“Don’t press your luck,” Zack mutters.
“Be seeing you,” Malik says, and all but yanks Paula out of the room. “Bye, Sigmund!”
You cause no small amount of distress every time you’re here, Master Destiny.
Malik winks at a portrait on the wall. “Part of my charm. Paula, say goodbye to the castle.”
“Bye, Sigmund,” Paula says obediently. “Tell Zack not to overmoisturize.”
Malik gives her a strange look, but doesn’t say anything until they’re outside the building. “Good recon. Bad flirting.”
“I wasn’t—” Paula sighs. “Can we just report back?”
“You know you don’t have to do this, right?”
Paula blinks. “What?”
Malik shrugs. “Like, fun and games, whatever, but don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”
“I want to do this,” Paula answers, and she’s surprised to realize that she means it. “I don’t mind recon. Just maybe not when we’re in Hades.”
Malik smiles at her, and it’s not like his usual flashy bright smiles. He’s grinning like he means it. “Whatever you say, teammate,” he says, and Paula’s surprised by how warm it makes her feel.
#
MESSAGES >> business associates
business associate #6: okay we’ve got a juicy update
business associate #6: wait
business associate #1: Hello welcome back how did it go
business associate #6: why did you do this
business associate #7: fuckin get over it and tell us what happened
business associate #6: okay so that’s Betsy
business associate #2: i’m assuming 5 and 6 are malik and turnip
business associate #1: Stop trying to figure it out we’re incognito
business associate #1: We don’t want the Beams to spy on us
business associate #5: gwiffin why are you being boring
business associate #5: where are the EMOJIS
business associate #3: this is amazing can we keep it like this
business associate #6: if we keep it like this I’m telling the beams our strategy
business associate #7: lmaooooooooo
business associate #4: we don’t have a strategy
business associate #6: I’ll tell them as soon as we do
business associate #1: Can you just say what you found out and we can all move on
business associate #5: they’re not keeping it in the solarium
business associate #2: really??
business associate #2: that makes our job a lot harder
business associate #7: lmao congrats you narrowed it down from one building to all the hellmouth except that one building
business associate #3: i mean it’s probably sigmund right
business associate #3: sigmund or the cat cafe
business associate #5: >:O
business associate #5: CAT CAFE!!!!!!
business associate #7: are cat cafes weird for you
business associate #5: PAULA CAN WE GO TO THE CAT CAFE BEFORE WE GO HOME
business associate #6: okay just for a bit
business associate #5: TEDDY WE’RE GOING TO THE CAT CAFE AND WE’RE GONNA EXPENSE IT TO THE TEAM
business associate #2: what does expensing mean
business associate #5: YESSSSSSS
business associate #2: should i worry about that
business associate #6: yeah probably
business associate #6: see you guys tonight
#
There is an incredibly small window for the heist to take place.
This is not because the Garages are busy. No, it’s because Teddy insists on doing the heist on a day that the Sunbeams aren’t playing. They end up with one day, just one day, to plan and execute an entire heist for something they can’t find.
“This rules,” Betsy says. They’re absolutely right.
Ollie and Malik go to the cat cafe. Teddy and Arturo go to the community college campus. Paula is supposed to go with Betsy and Greer to some abandoned restaurant, but at the last minute she convinces Teddy to send her to the Solarium. Just in case it’s actually there.
It’s quiet as she goes on a foot tour. It reminds her of last year, wandering through all the Hellmouth wildlife. She says hello to the blood finches and the inferno goats, and even brings some salt water to spray on the wailing roses. It’s a nice little trip. Surprisingly pleasant.
At least, it’s pleasant until she gets to the food court and Zack says “Oh, god, why are you here?”
“Why are you here?” Paula says. “Do you live here or something?”
“I like hanging out here sometimes.” Zack folds her arms. “In the food court in my stadium. You need to give me a better explanation.”
“Torch recon,” Paula says, and takes no small amount of joy in how stunned Zack looks. “I’m not afraid to say it out loud, come on. I already know it’s not here.”
“Then why are you here?”
“I told you last time, I like visiting the wildlife.”
Zack bristles. “Don’t call me that.”
“Whoa, no.” Paula holds both her hands up. “I don’t mean you, I mean the actual wildlife. The bushes that try to bite you, or whatever.”
Zack gives her a suspicious look. “How do I know you’re here alone? You weren’t last time.”
“Everyone else is trying to find the torch somewhere else.”
“And where are they?”
“They’re out at—” Paula stops and glares. “Oh, you little shit, I’m not giving them up that easy. Garages stick together.”
Zack mumbles something under her breath that Paula can’t catch, but it doesn’t sound particularly nice. Paula doesn’t bother listening too closely. If Zack wants to have sour grapes about Paula having a good team, then that’s Zack’s problem to deal with.
“I’m going to go back on my tour,” Paula says pointedly. “Don’t bother me, I’m not here for you.”
“Great,” Zack sighs. “Well, I guess I should warn you the earthquake daffodils spit acid now.”
“Acid flowers,” Paula sighs. “Great. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” Zack says flatly. “I regret telling you already.”
“And after I taught you how to fuckin’ moisturize,” Paula mutters. She means it as a joke, but judging by Zack’s face it clearly strikes a nerve. “Don’t worry about me. I’m pretty sure we can’t die in any way other than incineration.”
“That’s not reassuring.” Zack pauses. “I don’t think I ever thanked—”
“Don’t,” Paula says, more sharply than she intends. “We don’t have to be friends. You don’t owe me anything.”
Zack frowns. “Jesus,” she mutters. “Fine, fuck you too, I guess.”
Paula considers apologizing. But she doesn’t, and instead she leaves. It’s not as satisfying as she wanted.
#
MESSAGES >> ACTIVE HEIST ZONE
delta: Solarium’s clear
gamma two: The restaurant is also clear
alpha one: you shouldn’t have sent malik to the cat cafe we’re never leaving
alpha two: NEVER
beta two: teddy thinks it’s on the campus
beta one: IT IS ON THE CAMPUS
beta one: ARTY GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE
beta one: TIME TO DOUSE THIS SHIT
gamma one: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiit
gamma one: 🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯
delta: 🧯🧯🧯
alpha one: 🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯
beta two: WE FUCKING GOT IT
beta two changed the group name to 🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯🧯
beta two: EAT SHIT SUNBEAMS
alpha one: AND WE MEAN ALL GODS
beta one: yeah that too
#
Lenny Marijuana is the best addition to the team.
Not the team-team — look, she’s young, she’ll get better at pitching as time goes on. But she ends up on the war room team, which is a great idea. Paula’s not actually sure who brings her in. It almost seems like mutual agreement.
She’s a delight, of course. She takes one look at the Solarium map and says, “They play here? On purpose?”
“For almost a decade,” Teddy says.
Lenny points at a section that Paula just recently labeled DINOSAURS? in red pen. “This cannot fucking be real.”
Everyone turns to Paula, who sighs. “Technically they’re just giant birds,” she says. “But Zion says that they’re dinosaur sized, so we’re not going to fuck with that right now.”
“Awesome,” Lenny says. “Can we visit them?”
“Yes,” Malik says resolutely, at the same time that everyone else says no. Paula makes a mental note not to leave the two of them alone together. It seems like a bad idea.
Lenny is the best addition to the war room team, though, not just because she’s enthusiastic about the Solarium, but because she actually wants to do recon. It feels like every other week she’s spending the night in the Hellmouth. The whole team knows that it’s just as much because of her brother as it is because of the torch, but it’s also damn nice to get regular reports back when Lenny investigates.
As far as Paula’s concerned, Lenny is the second best thing that happens in all of season ten. There are a couple of other players from the shadows, including Mike Townsend, who goes to one war room meeting and leaves halfway through. But Lenny’s the best one.
The best thing that happens in season ten is that the Tigers don’t make the playoffs. And neither do the Garages. Which means that on the last day of the season, Paula goes to Hades, plants herself on Ren’s couch, and doesn’t move until the next day.
The Tigers all go to the Sunbeams games, because Tigerbeams. Paula ends up going too, just to spend time with them. Zack pitches the second game, and Paula spends a lot of time trying not to stare at her. She tells herself it’s because she’s still worried about the petals and vines, but she’s not sure that’s true.
“You seem more relaxed,” Ren says. They weren’t especially close while Paula was on the Tigers, but she missed him more than she was expecting. It’s been good spending time with him again — all of them, but especially him.
Paula shrugs. “I think Seattle’s been good for me,” she says honestly. “Meeting new people, having new weather.”
“Moving can be good for you,” Ren agrees. “Even involuntary moves. We all miss you here, of course—”
“What?” Paula laughs. “You got a brand new Paula, she’s cool as hell. Don’t miss me, spend time with her.”
“We can do both,” Ren says. Paula just smiles at him.
The Sunbeams win the game. All the Tigers pitchers go over to congratulate Zack, who’s absolutely beaming. Paula doesn’t stick around. She’s got bigger things to worry about tonight.
#
MESSAGES >> 🚒
🥬: we still on for tonight?
🎸: you fuckin KNOW IT
🦅: Can I file a complaint about this chat theme
🥬: oh PLEASE do
🎸: what?? no??
🦅: The guitar is the whole team’s emoji
🦅: Why do you get it
🎸: because i’m picking because this whole plan revolves around me??
🎺: haha you tried to pull a turnip and it didn’t even work
🥬: why are we calling it that
⬜: paula you’re a valued team member but you sure do talk a lot of shit about this group chat
😼: how was the beams game turnip
😼: did you 👀 see anyone there 👀👀
🎺: 👀👀👀
🎸: 👀👀👀👀👀
🛹: are we making fun of turnip’s flirt-hate-ionship with sanders again
🥬: my WHAT
🥬: I’m going to go tell the beams our whole plan
🚙: kids, behave
🎺: sorry dad
🚙: shut the fuck up
🚙: see you tonight turnip get your head in the game and be ready
#
Lenny goes in first to talk to the Sunbeams. Paula’s not sure what cover story she went with, because the ones she suggested ranged from “tell me about my brother” to “actively trying to join the Sunbeams,” but it seems to work.
Paula ends up partnered with Arturo, so the two of them go to the Solarium together. “Any idea where we’re going?” Arturo asks. They look apprehensive.
“I think we should start this way,” Paula says, and intentionally goes to the blood finches. Arturo doesn’t like them, but whatever. “Did anyone other than Lenny even do recon?”
“Some of us were busy during today’s game,” Arturo says dryly, but there’s no heat behind it. “We think it’s in concessions.”
“Which one?”
“Does it matter? They’re all evil.”
Paula rolls her eyes. Teddy and Ollie are together, and so are Malik and Gwiffin. Betsy’s on their own, at least until Lenny can sneak away to join them. She’s happy to be with Arturo, though. They’re quiet, but they’re fun to spend time around.
“Someone’s following us,” Arturo says suddenly. Paula only has to listen for a second to recognize the heavy footfalls. “What should we—”
“Sorry, Huerta,” Paula says. “I was briefed on this.” And she promptly shoves them into the closest open door — supply closet, by the looks of it — and slams the door shut. Arturo is one of those metaphysical anomalies that come with blaseball, which means that as soon as they’re behind a closed door, whoever’s following them will forget they’re there.
Unfortunately, well. Everyone forgets that they’re there.
Paula turns around, suddenly relieved that she’s alone, with no partner to get caught. “Zack,” she says coolly.
The sunflower beast is closer than she expected, a few paces behind her. She growls and stands on her hind legs, and in a flash Zack is there instead, scowling at her. “Seriously?”
“Don’t tell me you’re surprised.”
Zack rolls her eyes and grabs a hold of Paula’s arm. Her grip is surprisingly strong, enough that Paula winces. “I’m taking you to the brig.”
“The Solarium doesn’t have a brig.”
“We’ve designated a heist brig for today only.”
Paula laughs. “Heist brig?”
“It’s not a joke,” Zack snaps.
It takes effort, but Paula restrains her eye-roll. “Fine, whatever, brig me.”
The brig turns out to be the VIP seating box. Paula half-expects Zack to turn back into the sunflower beast as soon as they’re inside, but instead she plops down in a seat by the door, scowling. “I’m not going to talk to you.”
“Okay,” Paula says peacefully, and finds a seat on the opposite side of the box. “Can I let Teddy know I haven’t been eaten by a fire goat or something?”
“I don’t care.” She reaches under the chair and pulls out a paperback book. “Stop talking.”
Paula shrugs and takes out her phone. She fires off a text to the group chat (a view of the field from the box, captioned got caught with a chain emoji) and then opens Clandy Crush. “How long are you keeping me here?”
“I said—”
“It’s a normal question, I’m just making conversation.”
“I’m not talking to you.”
She shouldn’t ask. She should absolutely not push this. But she can’t help herself. “Why not?”
Zack slams the book shut. “Why are you such an asshole?”
“What?” Paula laughs, more out of surprise than anything. “What are you talking about?”
“You try to avoid being in a room with me, and then when we’re trapped—” she gestures around the room. “You keep trying to talk to me! Even when I ask you not to! You’re impossible.”
Paula leans forward, just slightly. “And why’s that?”
“You have never made an effort to be nice to me.” Zack folds her arms. “The rest of the Sunbeams, sure, you’ll be decent, but not me. Even with Tigerbeams. We were basically on the same team for years.”
“God, give me a break,” Paula mutters. “You were never my teammate, Tigerbeams or no. Just because I was on the Tigers doesn’t mean I have to like the Tigerbeams thing. I’m allowed to dislike people, and I don’t need a reason.”
“That!” Zack folds her arms a little tighter. “That right there is why I don’t like you. You think you’re better than being friends with us.”
Paula sits up a little straighter. “That’s not true.”
“Oh, it’s not true,” she snorts. “Is that why you avoid us as much as possible? At first we thought you were being cagey because you were nervous, but I’m pretty sure you’re just an asshole. You never gave us an honest chance. The only nice things you’ve ever done for us are because you wanted something else.”
Paula opens her mouth to argue, but for a second the words stick in her throat. The problem is that what Zack’s saying isn’t completely false. It’s not completely true either, of course. Paula doesn’t have anything against the Beams, but Zack’s right that she’s never tried to spend time with them of her own accord.
She’s about to say as much, but then Zack ruins the moment, because she adds, “The least you could do is pretend you want to be here.”
“I need you to understand something.” Paula leans forward. “You seem to have taken it very personally that I don’t want to spend time with you. The Garages don’t mind that I took a while to warm up to them. Even the Tigers were okay with it. You’re the only person telling me I need to behave a certain way, and it’s really not your business.”
“It’s my business when it’s my team,” Zack snaps. “And it’s my business when you randomly take half an hour to try and teach me to moisturize and it turns out that you were only doing it as a distraction. That was a pretty shitty feeling, by the way, so thanks for that.”
“You needed the help—”
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
Before Paula can answer, the door to the box swings open. “This is the brig,” Iggy Delacruz says, and Paula barely avoids sighing in relief. “You’re just gonna… stay here for a while, okay?”
Betsy trudges in, although they brighten when they see Paula. “Oh, shit, they got you too?”
“Welcome to jail,” Paula says. “Just, you, me, and the warden.”
“Warden?” Iggy repeats. He pokes his head in and frowns when he sees Zack. “You need me to take over? You can go back on defense if you want.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Zack says. She pushes her way out the door without so much as a look back.
Iggy gives Paula a suspicious look. “Why’s Zack upset?”
“She doesn’t like me,” Paula says flatly.
Iggy shakes their head. “Fine. You’re only in here until the torch gets put out.”
“You think it’s gonna get put out?”
“Quit talking,” Iggy sighs, and this time, Paula does.
#
MESSAGES >> bets
bets: what did you do????
pt: I don’t want to talk about it
bets: flirt-hate-ionship is dead?
pt: I don’t think it was ever actually alive
bets: you wanna go out and do karaoke after this
bets: first round’s on me if you stop moping
pt: yeah sure why not
bets: nice >:)
#
The sun going out is approximately last on Paula’s list of priorities.
She’s in Hades during the series, which means that she’s with the other stripes when Jaylen comes back. And Yaz. And Landry.
She’s in Hades. Not Baltimore. She never thought she would want to be in Baltimore this badly.
But instead Paula watches on TV. She watches, all the team glued to the screen, as Landry and Yaz hit home run after home run and fight and win. And she watches as Jessica and Peanutiel go back into peanut shells. She watches Landry and Yazmin vanish again. It’s one of the best and worst feelings she’s felt in her life.
It’s not until well after the game ends that Hiroto sits up and says, “The sun.”
“The sun?” Zion repeats, and then a look of dread passes over her face. “Oh, no, the Beams.”
Paula’s blood runs cold. She doesn’t know the extent of how much the Beams are affected by the sun, but she knows it’s more than zero. The cult thing only exists because the sun actually, tangibly impacts the Hellmouth. And now the sun is gone.
The Tigers aren’t the only team to help, but Hiroto makes damn sure that they’re the first. She goes to Sigmund to check in, then starts texting the team instructions. Mummy heads over to clean Sigmund top to bottom. Dunlap goes to Houston to ask if the Spies know anything about bringing the sun back. Richmond goes to make friends with Hellmouth wildlife and see if the rest of the environment is doing okay.
Paula’s assignment is much easier, in theory. She has to get the team groceries.
It takes half a dozen trips in half a dozen cities, but she gets everything they could possibly need and starts bringing it inside. “Sigmund?” she says tentatively.
Lady Turnip, they answer. It’s quieter than normal. I assume you know where to bring those.
“I do. How are you feeling?”
Less well than I’ve felt before, but I will surely be well again. Thank you for your concern.
Paula nods and begins hauling groceries in. It’s another two dozen trips of juggling bags — the Beams eat some incredibly weird things, and Paula’s not going to judge, but she’s also not a literal dragon and it’s hard to carry things — but she gets everything inside. She’s standing there, hands on hips, trying to strategize how the hell to put it all away, when someone says behind her, “Is it weird if I sit in here?”
“No,” Paula answers instinctively. When she turns, there’s a woman lowering herself into a chair by the door. It’s not someone Paula recognizes, but she’s pretty, dark-haired and brown-skinned. “Sorry, have we met?”
The woman looks up, eyes flashing, and Paula’s breath catches. “Oh.”
“That bad, huh,” Zack mutters. It’s clearer now, the set of her eyebrows and the twist of her mouth.
“I…” Paula trails off. She doesn’t know what to say. She knew that Zack was human once, the way that all the Sunbeams were, but seeing her like this, without so much as a petal in her hair, feels like an invasion of privacy. “You’re—”
Zack smiles wanly. “Having a shit day,” she supplies. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry,” Paula says, although she’s not sure what she’s apologizing for. “I’m just here to put away groceries, I’ll be out of your hair soon. Unless there’s anything else you need.”
“Glass of water,” Zack mutters.
It has the cadence of a joke, but Paula saw the way Zack sat down. She looks exhausted, hair hanging limp around her face, and her fingernails are chewed to the quick. And she’s just gone through a major life event. Paula might not like her — or, well, she might not like Paula — but that’s not enough to stop her.
So Paula gets a glass of water and sets it down on the table next to Zack. “Anything else?”
“No,” Zack says. Her eyes are wide. “Uh. Thanks?”
“Don’t mention it.” Paula goes back to the groceries. “Is there a second freezer I don’t know about?”
“No, but that one’s bigger than it looks.” Zack pauses. Paula can hear the clink of the glass on the table, and then she says all in a rush, “Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“You don’t have to answer, but I’ve been thinking about what you said, about how we’re not teammates and wanting to be alone—”
“Zack.”
“And how it kind of feels like you resent us because we don’t give you space, even though you’re here when we didn’t ask you to—”
“Zack.” Paula turns to her. “Ask the damn question.”
“Why don’t you—” her fingers crunch into air-quotes “—like the Tigerbeams thing?”
“Kind of a big question.”
“I’ve got time for an answer,” Zack says. “If you want to.”
Paula turns to the pantry, taking a minute to gather her thoughts. Every shelf is clearly labeled, so it’s easy for her to tell where things go. She can feel Zack watching her, but she doesn’t ask Paula to speak before she’s ready.
“Hades is smaller than you think,” she says at last. “It looks big, but the community of the living is pretty small. So whenever the spirit of violence needed a body, he had a limited number of people to ask. I lived there my whole life. I had friends who were Landry’s vessel. They would talk about it afterwards. It was like a rite of passage.”
“Did you do it more than once?” Zack asks, voice quiet.
Paula shakes her head, not quite trusting herself to speak. She rotates a couple of cans of beans so the labels are facing the back of the cabinet, then the front. “I knew people who did it a couple times, though. They acted like it was the best thing ever. Like a vacation, spending a weekend as Landry. When I opened my closet and saw the jacket, I wasn’t thinking about playing a bloodsport. I was thinking that I had to cancel brunch with my mother.”
“Did you?”
“Of course I did, I had practice. Landry doesn’t like people who skip practice.”
Zack makes a quiet noise that might be a laugh. “Sounds like him.”
Paula nods. “So I put the jacket on, and I met Landry, and the team. And it was supposed to be a fun vacation. That’s all it was for anyone else. There was never an incineration in Hades before him. It was unheard of.”
“It wasn’t even in Hades,” Zack mumbles. Paula’s almost surprised that she remembers that. “It was in New York.”
“It was in New York,” Paula agrees. “It wasn’t… supposed to happen.”
“Paula—”
She sets down a can of green beans, a little too forcefully. “I didn’t sign up to be a blaseball player. None of my friends did. And I know that you didn’t sign up to get swallowed by a Hellmouth, but at least you weren’t alone when it happened.”
There’s a moment of silence, then Zack says very quietly, “I didn’t think about that part.”
Paula has to bite her tongue so she doesn’t laugh. “Imagine,” she says, “imagine that you went to the Hellmouth on vacation. And you have friends who visited and come back fine, so you think you’re going to come back fine too. But imagine that something goes wrong. Imagine that even though everyone else was okay, something happens that changes you, and it flips everything upside down. Imagine you suddenly exist in a whole separate sphere from everyone you’ve ever known, and you don’t even know why. And then—” she cuts herself off, jaw clicking shut.
“And then?” Zack says, like she can already guess what’s next.
Paula lets out a breath. “And then imagine a bunch of strangers call you their best friend just because they knew the guy who invited you on vacation.”
The pause this time is longer. Paula keeps putting away groceries, boxes of pasta and bags of flour. It’s good to have something to focus on, something to think about beyond Zack’s eyes on her.
When Zack speaks again, it’s slower, more careful. “It was supposed to make it easier. We didn’t want you to be alone.”
“I was already alone,” Paula says. Her voice cracks on the last syllable, and she has to screw her eyes shut. It’s been seven seasons. It’s been long enough that she should be past this. But… “I had Landry, and he died, and then I was left trying to put my life back together. And everyone wanted to talk to the last vessel of Landry Violence. I was trying to grieve for him, but I was trying to grieve for my own life, too. Nobody understands that last part.”
“Did you get time on the Garages?”
“I did.”
“Good,” Zack says, and it’s so genuine that Paula turns around in surprise. Zack’s still looking at her, and she still looks tired, hands folded in her lap. But she doesn’t seem angry. “I think it was good for you.”
“Why’s that?” Paula asks, curious despite herself.
Zack finally cracks a ghost of a smile. “Because even if Tigers-era Paula Turnip came over to help put groceries away, which is a pretty big if, she wouldn’t have talked to me while she did it.”
Paula snorts, and Zack’s smile widens. “Garages Paula might be doing recon,” she says, trying to make it as clear as possible that she’s teasing. “Can’t trust me.”
“The torch isn’t in our pantry,” Zack says dryly, and Paula can’t help but laugh.
She goes back to Seattle, eventually. But she goes back with a promise to visit over siesta. And she goes back with Zack Sanders’s number in her phone. Just in case, she tells herself. It’s not like either of them are actually going to text each other.
#
MESSAGES >> 🌻
🌻: you have to tell us where you got that chicken wild rice soup
🌻: sutton is going to rip the kitchen apart if we don’t get more
🌻: this is a literal emergency please
🥬: can it do that?? it’s just a goose
🌻: i will send you a video of sutton’s wanton destruction in exchange for soup info
🥬: there’s a bodega on the Hades side of the Hellmouth/Hades tunnel
🥬: like you know that tunnel that goes past the fucked up land sharks? that one
🥬: just tell Suzie you know me she’ll give you a discount
🌻: i do not say this lightly: i think you just saved lives
🥬: please train your goose
🌻: you gonna help?
🥬: absolutely not that thing is evil. nice try though
#
The Garages do pretty well next season. Not just well, but season-winning well. Paula’s so caught up in that familiar euphoria that it takes her a while to realize that the Sunbeams are too. In fact, the Sunbeams are doing even better than the Garages.
“Are we doing war room?” she asks Teddy, maybe halfway through the season.
To her surprise, he shakes his head. “I don’t even think they’re doing the torch,” he says. “Like, in honor of the sun going out, you know?”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“Weird,” Paula says. She’s more disappointed than she was expecting.
#
MESSAGES >> 🌻
🌻: are you really not playing the tigers this season??
🥬: no!!
🥬: it’s so weird I won’t even have an excuse to visit
🌻: you don’t need an excuse to go home people do that between games all the time
🥬: no I didn’t mean the Tigers
🌻: then who?
🥬: don’t worry about it
🥬: how have you been doing?
🌻: kicking ASS in the regular season
🌻: like we all feel REALLY good about it
🌻: is this how the tigers feel all the time??
🥬: probably lol. Garages too
🌻: and I think we’re all getting used to the new sun
🌻: i’m getting some petals back actually
🌻: been getting conditioner recommendations from moses and it’s helping a lot
🥬: you been able to do beast mode yet?
🌻: not yet but i’m working on it
🌻: it’s going to come back i can tell
🥬: maybe it’ll be back in time for the heist
🌻: oh i thought someone would’ve told you
🌻: no torch
🥬: not that heist
🥬: you guys are gonna heist us
🌻: what
🌻: since when
🥬: good luck!
#
MESSAGES >> eist-hay eam-tay
paula: ok listen up I have had an idea
ollie: turnip i told you not this year
ollie: wait why does it say i’m ollie
malik: yeah why does it say that’s me
malik: oh you’re fucking EVIL
paula: yeah I thought that would get you to pay attention
paula: look obviously the Beams aren’t doing the torch thing
paula: but we heisted them so many times I think it’s only fair that they get to heist us
betsy: hold on i’m still trying to figure out this group chat
arturo: you know how turnip always kvetches about us changing the names
arturo: she seems to have changed our names to each other’s names
arturo: good one >:3
teddy: is arturo even in this chat?
greer: i have always been in this chat
teddy: oh shit lmao whats up
ollie: this is your captain speaking and i have a question
ollie: what do we even have for them to heist
paula: yeah I was kind of hoping one of you could come up with that
betsy: oh that’s easy
betsy: i stole randy’s jersey last time i visited
betsy: like the one they have framed on the wall? i just took the whole thing
betsy: it’s still framed and everything
ollie: eleanor.
betsy: he’s MY brother it’s MY memorabilia by birthright or something
betsy: if they want it back they can fucking take it
paula: yeah that’ll work
paula: good job team
lenny: Are you planning on changing our names back
paula: not yet
greer: yeah we probably deserve that
#
On the day the Sunbeams clinch their spot in the playoffs, Lenny sends the whole team a picture of the framed jersey, sitting next to the Garages’ Mild League Championship trophy from a handful of years back.
The response is not quite catastrophic. Sandoval Crossing is smart; they probably figured out that it was Lenny as soon as the jersey went missing. But this has gone beyond Lenny joking or claiming an heirloom. She’s using it as a declaration of war.
On the day the Garages clinch their spot in the playoffs, Paula gets messages from all the Tigers, past and present. She gets messages from most of her friends. And she gets a message from Zack Sanders that’s a blueprint of the Big Garage and the words you’re on.
She’s in a great mood for the rest of the day. Because of the playoffs, of course.
#
MESSAGES >> bets
bets: hey
bets: are you texting sanders????
pt: it’s just because of Tigerbeams
bets: you’re doing TIGERBEAMS now????????
bets: who are you and what did you do to paula
pt: yeah that was a bad excuse
pt: we just talk because I helped with groceries that one time it’s not like a thing
bets: are you talking about groceries???
pt: no? who just talks about groceries
bets: hmmmmm
bets: HMMMMMMMMM
pt: please shut up
bets: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
pt: bye
bets: wait but paula what if i wanted to talk about GROCERIES
#
The Sunbeams make it to the next round of playoffs, easy as anything. Paula’s a little jealous, considering it takes the Garages a full five games to clinch a playoff spot. But she scores a run in the last game, a messy thing made of two singles and two stolen bases. It’s not the winning run, but it feels damn good to get something done in that mess of a series.
The Garages are celebrating as they make their way off the field, all jostling one another good-naturedly, when a familiar voice says, “Good game.”
Paula turns to look at the front row of audience seats, not sure if she’s going to say something sweet or sarcastic. Either way, the words die on her lips when she sees Zack.
She’s seen pictures of Zack, of course, from news reports and the rare texted selfie. She knows that Zack is becoming a sunflower again. But she looks vibrant in person, smirking at the team. There’s definitely something strange about it — the petals are tinted too red-orange, the vines too thin and yellow — but it’s undeniably her, and she looks undeniably better than she did all those months ago in Sigmund’s kitchen.
“Hi,” Paula says, too surprised to say much else. She hears Betsy, snicker behind her, and flips them the bird as surreptitiously as possible.
“Hi,” says Iggy, which is how Paula realizes that Zack isn’t alone. Sutton is there too, eyeing up Quack suspiciously; Paula makes a mental note to stay away from whatever the hell that’s about. “Congratulations. Also, we’re spying on you.”
“Good job,” Malik says brightly. “We definitely didn’t notice.”
“I don’t know what there is to spy about,” Lenny says, a little too loudly. Betsy makes eye contact with Paula and rolls their eyes. Lenny doesn’t seem to notice. “All I did was inform you that I was taking temporary custody of my brother’s jersey, and if you want to take it back—”
“We’re not taking anything back.” Zack pauses. “I mean, not today. We’re mostly just here because we were all getting headaches watching the Tigers play in Los Angeli.”
Everyone on the Garages sympathy-winces. They barely ever play the Tacos, but Paula knows that Los Angeli are a nightmare to be in for too long.
“Well, you’re welcome to stay for the day,” Teddy says. “We can catch up — you all look like you’re doing better, by the way.”
“Sun 2 has been good to us,” Iggy says, carefully neutral.
It’s more complicated than that, obviously, even if the Sunbeams are keeping the truth close to their chests. Most of what Paula knows about it is from Zack, or conversations with the Tigers. All of the Sunbeams are dealing with chronic fatigue, and a plethora of other side effects. There are good days and bad days; judging by the fact that all three of them are standing and not sitting, it’s probably a good day.
“We’ll come find you after our team debrief,” Teddy promises.
Debrief isn’t actually a meeting so much as it is everyone cheering in the locker room. They’re all in high spirits, laughing and joking together as they change into civvies. Paula gets a lot of high-fives and back-slaps, which feels pretty nice.
When she checks her phone, there’s one text from Zack: wanna sneak out?
Paula slips out of the locker room a handful of seconds later. Zack, Iggy, and Sutton are all waiting outside, and Zack grins at her. “You wanna show me around Seattle?”
“Absolutely,” Paula says.
“You guys are so fucking weird,” says Iggy. “We’re going to make fun of you while you’re gone.”
Zack opens her mouth, but Paula says smoothly, “Tell Teddy we’ll be at dinner.”
Iggy squints at them suspiciously before relenting. “Have fun, Zackie.”
“Bye, Igs,” Zack sighs, and starts walking away.
Paula starts after her, but Iggy catches her by the elbow, just for a second. “Hey,” she says, looking serious. “Be nice to her.”
“I will,” Paula says, surprised. It didn’t even cross her mind not to be.
Iggy lets go, almost as quickly as he grabbed her. “Good,” they mutter. “You’d better.”
#
“How do you deal with this weather?” Zack complains. “Wasn’t Hades warm?”
Paula, despite having lived in Seattle for a handful of years now, is still far from a local. She’s far enough, in fact, that the only place she could think of to visit was Pike Place Market, a bona fide tourist trap. It’s swarming with people, which Paula likes, because it means nobody looks at them twice as they wander from stall to stall.
“Warm is different from Hellmouth-hot,” Paula points out, amused despite herself. “And it's not even raining. Can’t you handle a little bit of wet weather?”
“I can deal with rain, I can’t deal with cold.”
Paula rolls her eyes. “Well, if you didn’t want to go out—”
“Not what I’m saying,” Zack says, almost too quickly. Paula wants to smile, but she stops herself. “I just mean that I’m from the desert, and it was cruel and unusual of you not to warn me we were going to be outside.”
“You ambushed me.”
“Because I thought you would pick a movie theater or something, not—”
“Oh my god,” Paula sighs. She’s not sure what she’s doing until she’s halfway out of her sweater, a thin flimsy cardigan that’s definitely going to be big on Zack. It is, she realizes at the last second, an intimate gesture far beyond anything they’ve exchanged so far. Judging by the look on Zack’s face, it’s also pretty out of left field.
Quickly, she flings the cardigan at Zack’s face. “Cut it out,” she mumbles.
“Uh,” Zack says. She’s holding the cardigan and staring at Paula. “Thanks?”
“If you wanted to go to a movie you could’ve just said.”
“That’s not what—” Zack lets out a breath. “Next time I’ll bring a sweater on my own.”
“Good,” Paula says, and resolutely does not think about the idea of next time.
#
MESSAGES >> bets
bets: if you are missing team dinner because you’re with zack sanders
bets: i am literally never going to let you live it down
bets: hellooooooo it’s been hours where ARE you
pt: we went to a movie and I turned my phone off
pt: because I’m not a fucking monster
bets: movies huh
pt: please don’t
bets: no no it’s fine
bets: i’m glad you had fun :)
pt: that’s the most ominous smiley face I’ve ever seen
bets: :)
#
The Garages make the finals.
It’s… good. It’s fine. It’s less important to Paula than this: the Tigers and the Sunbeams are playing a sixth game. And if the Tigers win, then they’re one step closer to ascension.
She promised herself she wouldn’t go to the games. She promised herself she wouldn’t go alone. And yet she goes to Hades without telling anyone, save a quick text to Betsy. She has to see this. If they’re going to win, she has to see.
Lars Taylor is pitching. Paula’s not disappointed about that at all.
She sits between Fish Summer and Spears Taylor, watching the game in total silence. None of them cheer for either the Tigers or the Sunbeams. Instead they just watch. Paula thinks about ascension, about the Crabs. About how they’re just gone now, completely gone. She tries not to think about that happening to the Tigers.
In the end she doesn’t have to. The Sunbeams win. Fish sighs in relief. Even Spears looks to be in high spirits as they head down to the field.
Paula makes a point of waving at Zack, across the field. She doesn’t have time for an actual conversation, but she waves anyways.
#
MESSAGES >> 🌻
🥬: hey sorry I couldn’t make the big party
🥬: Teddy called all freaked out because I “forgot” to tell him I was “not in Seattle” and we had band practice
🥬: also you guys are going down starting tomorrow
🌻: oh shit i haven’t even had the chance to look are we playing you guys in the finals??
🌻: i’m gonna fuckin strike you out
🥬: you are absolutely not
🌻: watch me
🌻: gonna unlock beast mode just to use it on you
🥬: I’d like to see you try
🌻: careful what you wish for, turnip
#
Games are a blur, especially with one every day. Paula has never been good at remembering specific moments. Individual games don’t stand out in her head the way they do for some people; instead it’s relentless, a wind-pitch-hit-repeat that doesn’t end until the off-season.
But there is one rare, crystalline moment from playing against the Sunbeams:
She steps up to bat against Zack Sanders for the first time in three years. And Zack smiles, a fierce grin that’s for Paula and Paula alone, before she transforms. The sunflower beast is smaller than it used to be, and it’s the same slightly-wrong color as Zack’s own petals and vines, but it’s the first time the sunflower monster has pitched since the sun went out.
Paula hits a ground out. She barely even cares.
The rest of the series is completely unsalvageable, games all running together. She hits one home run, just one, in a game that they end up losing. She watches the black hole swallow win after win, watches the sun spit wins back out at them. She thinks it’s going to last forever. It goes on for five games that feel like seventy.
The Sunbeams win, eventually, and Paula doesn’t begrudge them their celebration even if she envies it. The Tigers swarm the field, and all of them stop one by one to congratulate her on a game well played before they run over to the Sunbeams.
Paula ends up drifting over to Teddy. “How are you feeling, captain?”
“They earned it,” Teddy says tiredly. “I mean, we almost did, but— they did too.”
“We can still celebrate after the heist.”
“The heist,” Teddy repeats. He lifts his head up suddenly, looking much, much more energized. “Turnip, you’re a genius.”
“Uh,” Paula says. She doesn’t like the sound of that. “What—”
“You know how we were going to let them win?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Not anymore!” Teddy grins. “They’re gonna have to work for that jersey.”
“Cool,” Paula says. “War room in the locker room?”
“War room in the locker room.”
#
War room in the locker room is complicated because it turns out half the team had no idea about the heist, and it takes several tries to explain. But everyone seems excited at the idea of a rematch, however off-the-books, and so Teddy and Ollie create a new plan, with help from everyone. This is the last night that it makes sense for the Beams to steal the jersey, so it’s now or never.
Paula’s technical job is keeping lookout. What this actually means, because she kind of wants the Beams to win this round, is that she sits on the roof with her phone and waits for someone to tell her that the jersey’s gone.
She’s fully expecting a quiet night by herself, which is why she’s surprised when she hears footsteps behind her. She rolls her eyes. “Bets, you’re supposed to be downstairs.”
“Guess again,” Zack says, and Paula barely has the time to be surprised before Zack sits next to her, close enough to touch if she really wanted to. “You didn’t say congratulations after the game.”
Paula winces. “Sorry. Teddy pulled us all in the locker room for a war room meeting.”
“Is that seriously what you call it?”
“Not my name, I swear.”
Zack shakes her head. A couple petals shake loose. Paula has the strangest urge to pick one up and pocket it. “You guys are insane,” she murmurs. “What are you even doing up here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Paula gives her a crooked smile. “I’m keeping invaders out.”
“Bang-up job,” Zack says, poker-faced, and a laugh bubbles out of Paula before she can stop it. “Why’d you ask Lenny to steal the jersey?”
“Nobody asked her to do that, she just did it on her own.”
“But this was your idea.”
“The heist was,” Paula admits. “It just didn’t seem fair that we kicked your guys asses for ten years in a row with the heist. You deserved a chance, and you needed something fun to do.”
Zack’s staring. Paula forces herself to turn away. “I’ve been thinking about what you said,” she says slowly. “About how I never gave you guys an honest chance. And I think it’s half true, even if I also think I should’ve been allowed to opt out of being adopted by a second team.”
“That’s not what—”
“But,” Paula says, and Zack goes quiet, but it’s a friendly kind of quiet. “But I wanted to do… something. So this is me, doing something.”
“Thanks,” Zack says. She sounds surprised, but not unappreciative. “That’s really good of you to do.”
Paula glances over at her, looking her up and down for the first time. “Is that my sweater?”
“You never asked for it back,” Zack says unapologetically.
Paula tilts her head. “I seem to remember you saying you’d bring your own sweater next time.”
“I don’t think this counts as next time.”
“What counts as next time?”
Zack tilts her head again, smirking at Paula. “Next time I pick the movie.”
There’s a loud noise from downstairs, something that sounds like shouting. Zack doesn’t flinch, and Paula decides not to either. It’s not like she cares about the fucking jersey. “What are you doing up here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Zack’s smile widens. “I saw you sitting up here and snuck away.”
Paula doesn’t remember becoming friends with Zack. She certainly doesn’t remember anything happening that would make her heart beat faster at Zack smiling. Or… maybe she does. Maybe it happened in Sigmund’s kitchen, or over texts. Maybe it happened with plant moisturizer.
God, no, it can’t be the moisturizer. If she ever says that, Malik’s never, ever going to let it go.
“Well,” Paula says. She turns to face Zack more fully, one hand sliding towards her. “You caught me. What now?”
For a heartbeat Zack looks stunned, like she didn’t expect this, but then she looks delighted. “Well,” she drawls, “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but on the Sunbeams we have this thing where we like to date Tigers players.”
“I’m not a Tiger anymore, Sanders.”
“It’s a good thing I like breaking rules,” Zack says, and Paula rolls her eyes before she leans in to kiss her.
#
MESSAGES >> heist DEFENSE squad
TD: turnip what the fuck you’re the worst lookout in the world
PT: I was busy
OM: busy with WHAT
MD: or… busy with WHO
MD: 👀
BT: 👀
LM: 👀
PT: hey everyone this is zack quit texting paula she’s still busy
BT: WHAT
BT: THE FUCK
AH: well at least one of us is having a good night
MD: LOLLLLLLLLLL
GG: So that was real? I was under the impression you were all making fun of Paula
MD: oh we were
MD: it just turned out we were right
BT: TURNIP WHAT THE FUCK
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