Work Text:
Mona shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be doing this right now.
Mona waits outside the building of the Qixing's main office, pacing around the road with a paper in her hands and her empty purse swaying in her pockets. She's been doing this for ten minutes until now but her mind has not spared her a second to breathe and being here is driving her insane. She has never been the type to initiate. She has never been the type to do anything that isn't in the least rational. It doesn't go to say that she's the most careful person—well, her caution never seems to amount to much in front of Keqing who is meticulous, and calculative, and works well with numbers.
Mona presses her palm to her lips as she pauses in front of the building, takes a peek of its grandiosity and lets out a sigh. She does not approach people, however much they mean to her. She has promised herself that she is worth so much more than the unreturned affections and expectations of punctuality that would never be reciprocated—it should be obvious in the fact that she’s Mona fucking Megistus and everybody wants her. It doesn't need to matter that she cares too much and has a personality beyond being poor, she is the young woman you can't help but drool over as soon as she steps into the room.
Mona tightens her grip around the bouquet of flowers in her hands—the ones that look awful because she couldn't learn a thing from lessons with Flora, and had to pick herself because she didn't have a cent left to spare for gifts. She feels bare, standing barely-clothed in a city of civilians proudly wearing long frocks and flamboyant outfits. She's aware of the dirty looks she's receiving from passers-by but her brain does not have any space for any more turmoil. Standing there, almost pathetic with comparison to it all, she thinks she is better off turning back and sparing her heart from the grief.
She should have known—it would be too much to love Keqing.
And Mona should know that risks are not fit for an astrologer. It is in her nature to be wary of surprises, to scry what is unknown when the stars have it all written for her. Yet, on such a beautiful day with a sky aglow with the buttery light of the afternoon sun, she is seconds away from making decisions she is not ready for. Mona lowers her head. She struggles to swallow her fear. It has been a long while since she has visited Liyue. She found way to this building on accident—having smelt Keqing's scent here, the distinct smell of blue lilies. She may be somewhere different altogether.
For someone so caught in her mind, all she can do is think and think and think. Mona grimaces, staring bitterly at the Qixing's crest engraved on the wooden door. She can't think what she must've done to warrant her girlfriend's wordlessness. She is rarely ever so silent, especially when she is around pens and papers all day for her work. Or maybe Mona does know, but she doesn’t want to acknowledge the reason. It’s never her fault. It couldn’t be. The reason they haven’t talked in a whole week couldn’t be because of their last fight, where Mona coldly told Keqing she didn’t need her around anymore.
Mona throws the bouquet of flowers on the ground and storms forward.
Midway, she's shoved backwards by the guards stationed outside Feiyun Commerce. “You can’t—”
“Don’t stand in my way—” she warns.
“—But you—”
Mona wraps her arm around one of the guard's shoulders, knocking him onto the ground with a clean, swift motion. The other, she simply kicks him in the knee and the force of her blow is enough to send his knees buckling and tumbling to the ground. She blows her fingertips as she watches either of them writhe on the ground in agony. Glancing around surreptitiously, Mona steps over the crippled guards and ventures inside the unfamiliar building.
Storming through the building, filing past identical doors and carefully-organised shelves colour-coordinated perfectly, Mona realises she is not fit for the task of searching. She has never been here before, main reason being that she was not fit for an environment like this. Being here for the first time, she can see why. Her nose scrunches in distaste as she scours the golden name plates on the doors for her lover's names, rudely walking past staff and members who are appalled by her rude, uninterrupted barging.
Mona climbs up a flight of stairs at the end of the hallway, but it leads her to another. She pauses for a second, her hand pressed against her hip. She squeezes her eyes tightly shut, begging for mercy from an omnipotent being who can spare her the trouble. Mona heaves another breath and lifts her head. To her right, on the very first door, she sees the name 'Keqing'. Her eyes widen in shock and her heart throbs. Everything that happens afterwards is thoughtless and, perhaps, something she that will keep her up at night.
“Who gave you the permission to ignore me for a month?” Mona yells, barging into the office without a warning. She sees Keqing standing with her backturned to the door, flipping through a set of documents dedicatedly without a single second of split attention but a second later, she's barrelling in without control. Something within her snaps the second she opens her mouth and flounces into the room—that thread that had been holding her together for the days she spent worrying that she messed the relationship up because of her foolishness. Mona presses her sands on either side of Keqing's hips, pressing her against the desk.
It has slid back a few centimetres, but enough to cause the latter discomfort since she's always so prim and proper with her workspace. Keqing doesn't seem to bother in this case. She's not asking questions as though they're business partners or turning around to fix the table into its right place. "You should not be here, Mona," she says. She sounds exasperated. She does not look any better than she sounds—if not worse. She looks worn, so much so that Mona's heart aches for her. She should not be this way.
"Tell me why you are ignoring me. Please," she draws her eyebrows together, cupping Keqing's face in her hands. "I'm begging you."
Keqing swallows deeply, unable to answer the question. She shakes her head, forcing herself to remain silent. A tear slips off her eyelid, slowly curling around the curve of her cheek but pausing where Mona's hands are caressing her face. She parts her lips, as though to say something. She makes a sound—half a word, an attempt at speaking, but her voice hushes itself again. "You should not worry about me. Really. And you were right, the last time, that I'm a nuisance and that my work leaves no space for our relationship—" her voice trembles but she pulls away. Keqing breaks out of Mona's grip. She fixes the table in its place and fetches the papers that flew onto the ground with her lack of attention.
Mona shakes her head frantically, mumbling denials under her breath. She tries to reach for Keqing, hoping to pull her back but the latter pushes her away. She hangs her head low, trying to hide her flushed face. A myriad of unwelcome emotions bombards Keqing, tearing her heart apart in such a critical moment when she should be focusing on her work, and sorting out her documents. She should not be so torn, especially on a work day. "Do not say that, please. It was a mistake. You know it was a mistake."
"It wasn't, Mona. You know it, I know it," Keqing yells, raising her voice in the heat of the moment. She cuts herself off before she can continue but by the end of it, it's already too late. She may be stunned but having met Mona's eyes during her moment of discomposure, but she's forced to see the shock unfold in Mona's eyes the same way—watching her take a step back, snake her arms to cover her limbs consciously and avert her gaze. She presses a hand against her chest. It burns. "You have your research to pursue and I have work. I have so much to do and it leaves me with no time in the day to waste on leisure. I care about you, I truly do but you would fare so much better without my company. I'm not good enough."
Mona presses her lips thinly into a line. "You are good enough."
"Stop it," Keqing says forcefully. She does not mean to, but she does not stop herself even when the weight of her words ripples back to her.
Mona strides forward, yanking her by the wrist. "Why do you think I would ever love anyone that's not good enough? If you do not want to make this about you, then look at yourself through my eyes. It was a mistake. It was my fault for lashing out at you that way, but it does not mean you can coop yourself up in your office and drown yourself in your stupid papers. Do you intend to kill yourself to convince yourself that my words did not hurt?"
"Stop it," Keqing pulls away. "It wasn't your fault. It's alright if you don't need me around anymore."
Mona clenches her jaw and grabs Keqing again, this time by the jaw. She cups her hands around her face and pulls her in, forcing her silent with a kiss. She steps closer and closes her eyes, having to stand on her toes even by the slightest to match their heights. Keqing's eyes widen. Her cheeks heat up. Her heart speeds, dizzying her mind with every throb in every rapid moment as she becomes conscious of the pair of tender arms wrapping around her shoulder. Another tear slips off her eyelid, but no more follow.
“Why don’t you talk to me?” Mona pleads, her own eyes red-rimmed and threatening to bear tears. Their faces are close—dangerously close, worse than either of them should allow, but neither of them are focused on the matter at hand. It's impossible—unthinkable, when they're breathing against each other's lips, scrying their hearts and searching their souls all through the tense, wordless silence. "I'm so tired of running, Keqing. I'm so tired of running to you, and watching you run away because you're scared. I'm scared. You don't know what it's like—waking up one day and realising you're so in love with someone but not knowing if you're really good enough for them, because the two of you just make no sense. We don't need to make sense, do we? Does it really matter?" she breathes, inching her face closer.
Keqing lowers her head, forcing her eyes shut. She swallows, but there is some kind sticky residue that pastes itself to the walls of her throat, leaving it aflame. She leans forward, burying her head against Mona's chest. She counts the cries of her swift, beating heart till it echoes to her own. "I didn't think you wanted to speak to me," she confesses, hesitantly placing her hand against Mona’s back. She rubs it lightly, in an awkward and almost failing attempt to calm either of them down.
“Look at me.”
Keqing looks up, and really, for a moment, she had forgotten how enamored she can be with Mona's eyes. There is always something in them that's so easy to get lost in—like a seelie drifting in random space, she could indulge herself in the teal and lose herself in its warmth. She doesn't realise she's staring, not until she feels a shiver against her back and Mona squeezes her arm, holding her tighter. “Is it that easy to let me go?” Mona squeezes her eyes tightly. “If I tell you to leave me alone, will you never come back for me?”
Ah, a frown.
“It’s not like that."
Mona steps away. There is some enormity in the gap that widens between them when they separate, when each step backward feels like a rift that cannot be fixed and a space that cannot be crossed. She turns her head away, pressing a hand against her head and combing her hair away from her eyes. She's grimacing, mumbling whatnots under her breath but Keqing stands there, utterly blank and unable to grapple the reality of the situation. "I'm sorry," she apologies. She doesn't know what she said so wrong.
"Can't we make this work out? Maybe?" Mona pleads, sound so lost. It ruins them both, the pain. To think this started from a conversation that shouldn't have happened, a string of misunderstandings that has always laced toxicity into their words and made them realise that they were worse for each other than they wanted to believe. Keqing takes a step backwards, feeling so awful in this moment. The answer should be easy. She should nod her head, and a simple 'yes' would put an end to the argument. It would free her from this torment, she knows, she knows. She can't say it.
She swallows a lump of fear and turns away, making a run for the door. Mona calls her name, but it falls deaf to Keqing's ears in her attempt to flee the moment. She yells, reaching forward to hold her back but she misses only by a fraction of a metre and a brush of skin. “Keqing, please! I’m in love with you.” It's enough. It really is. Keqing freezes at the door, one hand around the knob and the other pressed against the wood, her shoulders tense and her eyebrows drawn together. She cannot do this.
“Don't be," Keqing chokes out, struggling a pout. "I don't want to be too clingy. Or too much. Or seem like I was trying too hard. I'm always going to be too busy, and I know I know that we have a future promised together—one where we'll be together and happy but maybe it's just not me. There could be other women, men—people, who could do what I do and so much better. You'll always be too busy with your research and I'll—”
"Keqing," Mona begs.
Keqing turns against the door, holding out her palms. "I'll always be too busy with my work at the Qixing. It's not something I can retire from and, with my rank, as it is, I'm buried under piles of work and I'm sinking with the pressure. I can barely care for myself so I'll never be able to care for you the same way that I want to and you deserve—"
"Keqing." Mona takes a step closer. "Keqing."
"No, Mona, please," Keqing pleads, her voice hoarse. "You deserve everything good in this world and I would hate to be a burden on you. We'd be so much happier when we're miles apart and love—I love you—I love you so, so much that's why I have to do this. You'll never be happy with me, and maybe your heart's lying to you, maybe the stars are too—" and then, she feels something warm against her lips and the gentle weight of another's body pressed against hers. Her words forsake her. Keqing lowers her gaze, cheeks flaming and the cusps of her ears peachy. She closes her eyes and oh Archons she has missed this dearly.
Mona is the first to pull away. When she does, she notices Keqing's eyes are still closed. Nimbly, she runs her thumbs against her cheek and manages a smile, "We can make it work. Please, it doesn't matter what the stars think, or the world, or anyone apart from the two of us. You're not perfect, and I'm far from it too, but we don't need to be everything good to make this work out for us both. I adore you, Keqing, I adore you." Keqing can't help but laugh. "I adore you too, Mona. Very much." “Watch the stars with me tonight.”
Keqing furrows her eyebrows, chuckling once more. She searches for any hint that Mona's words might be a joke, but she only finds curiosity in those stern eyes of hers. She tilts her head, confused, until she's seized by both hands and pulled closer. "Really? Tonight?" she confirms.
"Tonight," Mona echoes. "Maybe?" she grins.
Keqing succumbs to her charm. "Maybe." A promise.
───────
Hours pass slower than they used to, lazing around the Harbour with nothing on Mona's mind. She does nothing in particular in the time that she learns the streets of Liyue, tottering along the streets with a toothy grin on her face and skip in her step. She memorises names, keeps landmarks in mind and passes stalls she recalls briefly in her memories. She can't know the entire city by heart in a day, but with Liyue about to develop into her second home, she would have to start from somewhere. Mona stops when the sky melts into red, where she decides it's time for her to flee to the mountains where she and Keqing are set to meet.
Mona waits patiently at the top of Mount Tianheng, kicking her legs off the edge and swaying with the wind. She lets out a breath, her eyes twinkling with the brilliant city lights just beyond her, calling for her attention. There really is a special charm about the place, something so unique about it. The breeze tousles her hair, playing with her twintails and tickling her skin. At some point, it hits her that they never quite decided on a location. It came to her as an instinct; the first place they met. I wonder if she can find me.
It’s the place they first met, when Mona was stargazing and Keqing had left her office only to take a breather up in the mountains, where the scenery couldn’t get any more breathtaking. The chances of them meeting were one in a million, of all the people in Teyvat. The chances of them getting closer were even slimmer, and yet. Stars don't often cross right except for unthinkable miracles. Perhaps they were one of these rare, unthinkable miracles.
Mona starts to grow colder as the winds get harsher. It was no surprise, since she wore nothing more than a skin-tight bodysuit. For a slight second, she second-guesses herself. She should have told Keqing where to go. She shouldn’t have assumed—
She feels a gentle pressure against her head, the kind of touch she receives only from one person in particlar. Mona raises her head with a smile and with no surprise, she finds Keqing looking over her with a smile. She looks worn, her ponytails almost slipping out of shape and her dress stained with graphite and calligraphy ink—but this way, as raw as she could be, she is beautiful. Mona's expression softens as she reaches her arms out, inviting her lover to sit beside her. “You didn’t think I would forget did you?” Keqing jokes, quirking her eyebrow as she takes a seat beside Mona.
“Oh please, spare me the teasing for one night,” Mona groans, rolling her eyes playfully. Keqing shifts a little closer to her, only till their knees brush lightly against each other. She feels a tightened grip around their intertwined hands, something that takes her aback for a while, but comes with not much surprise once she hears a whistle of pretence from Mona and feigned ignorance towards the action. With a small smirk, she lowers adjusts her hips and rests her head against Mona's shoulder.
In all truth, Keqing couldn't care less about the stars. From the way she's lying, she has a terrible angle and the little she can see of Mona's face is covered by darkness. Her face is only barely illuminated by the moonlight, a faint glow of excitement in her eyes. If she paid attention, she would see the brilliant colours in the dotted sky—the whites of shooting stars and pinks of the sunset that hasn't faded completely and the blues. Mona lifts her hand, following each star with a finger.
Then, she turns her head. “Why are you staring at me like that? You’re going to miss the stars.”
“You’re prettier than any night sky,” the words roll off the tip of Keqing’s tongue. The embarrassment that follows is instantaneous. Mona shies away, hiding her reddened cheeks behind her fingers as blood rushes to her face.
“You’re ridiculous,” Mona scolds, trying to separate their hands. Keqing doesn’t let her.
“I’m not letting you go,” Keqing retorts teasingly, smiling back cheekily. Mona's quite certain her heart has marathoned back to Mondstadt.
Mona, in the heat of the moment, turns and pushes Keqing back onto the grass. She crawls on top of the latter and pinning her between her hands. It happens so quickly, neither of them make sense of the situation until they reach the end of it and are forced to look at each other. They stare, watching each other with so much inerest until Mona lets out a laugh. She lowers her head, the sky bursting into a thousand colours just beyond her. Miracles. They can be so beautiful.
Even on a freezing night such as this one, beneath the vast, almost lucid sky, all it takes is a Keqing for Mona, and Mona for Keqing to feel at home again.