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When her birthday arrives, Beidou is left with a large, gaping hole in her chest—one utterly incomplete and yearning to be complete again. She hovers her hands over her chest, over the place of her heart, and she wonders if it was ever worth it to entrust her soul to a cold-hearted woman. She stares at herself in the mirror by her bedside table, lips part in surprise and a defeated expression on her face. Her chest stings and the makeshift post box on her bedroom door remains utterly empty.
Ningguang has forgotten her birthday.
Now, it may be selfish—so one-minded to think about only one woman when the entire Crux Fleet crew has been preparing for her birthday for weeks since the beginning of the year. But they wouldn’t understand, none of them would, the misfortune of loving Ningguang. A lady so kind and so beautiful with the power to string magic that can enamour an entire nation and Beidou alike. But it’s stupid, it always has been, for Beidou to sit by her window, legs swinging, waiting for a response back from Ningguang when the Tianquan has turned down her advances time and time again.
Beidou clenches her fist and she sucks in a breath, forcing herself to calm down. And when she doesn’t, she starts to realise how difficult rejection is for a woman like her. She buries her face in her hands. After pacing around her room in circles for an immeasurable amount of time, she relents and storms out of the door. Right outside, the Crux Fleet members are clustered in small groups, and Kazuha stands with a cake in his hands. Much to their shock, Beidou flings the door open with such force that not only does Kazuha lose his grip on the cake, but poor Juza who had been standing behind the door is smacked square in the face with it.
Beidou freezes, hands at her sides as she stares at the disarray. Each of the Crux Fleet members gapes at Juza as his nose turns red, the remains of the cake slowly but surely falling from his face. When they notice her presence, they snap their heads towards her, unable to utter any words. Beidou clenches her fist and bites down on her lip, hard, struggling to mumble an apology.
“I have to go,” she grumbles, and with that, she’s gone, scrambling out of the ship and a place which nobody knows. This may easily be the worst day in the entire year, if not her entire life.
Once she has left the ship, Beidou feels despair to an extent she has never felt before, a gut-wrenching, chest-thumping pain. She tightens her grip on her clothing and if she were to pull any other, she might pop a vein and the fabric might rip. Her chest rises and falls repeatedly with each breath that falls out of rhythm and it makes no sense at all. Over the everlasting sense of hopelessness, Beidou can’t fathom why she’s so pathetic, why she’s persistently chasing a woman who cares for her merely for her brawn and sees her no better than a measly pirate to aid her with the dirty work.
Strangers seem to pause to take stare judgmentally at Beidou, having watched her run thus far into the city, and now she’s standing in the middle of the road, being an inconvenience to the crowd. Maybe it’s Beidou over-thinking, or not thinking at all, and she mistakes every glance toward her to be one criticising her unneeded presence. Beidou lifts her head and somewhere in her blurred vision of mixed colours, she notices Xiangling’s silhouette in front of one of the buildings, the younger girl twirling on the tips of her feet while balancing two stacks of plates on either arm.
Her eyes widen slowly and she runs towards Xiangling, a gust of wind pushing her along faster. Her fringe falls over her eyes and the chopsticks with which she tied her hair that morning have started to tilt, threatening to fall if she were to move her body any more vigorously than she already is. Xiangling notices Beidou hurtling towards Wanmin when there's only about five metres between them and she lets out a squeak at the realisation that the plates would topple if the captain tries to butt into her. The plates clatter against each other and the young chef parts her legs in an attempt to regain her center of balance. She tips her nose up, looking at the very top of the stack. Before the captain reaches her, she scampers to the back and Beidou stops at the front of the restaurant.
The captain pauses, bent over with her palms pressed against her knees, wrinkles creasing her skin from her worry. She slides into a seat and Xiangling complains, “You need to give me a warning, Beidou-jie, I—”
Beidou knocks her fist against the table and raises three fingers into the air, forgetting any greetings. “Three bottles of Osmanthus Wine,” she orders and the chef gives her a weird look.
“That’s expensive, jie,” Xiangling frowns, a slight whine in her voice. “I can’t cover for you this time.”
When Beidou doesn’t reply, Xiangling scurries meekly to the back and pulls out three bottles of wine, laying them out in front of the captain. Beidou swipes a bottle off the table and pops the cork off with only her thumb. Closing her eyes, she tips her head backwards and holds the bottle right over her mouth, chugging the wine so hastily that most of it falls outside her mouth. She thinks, foolishly so, that drinking away her sorrows would make her birthday go by in a daze. Her soul being owned by the ocean, she was never a grounded woman by nature. She has always sought what she cannot have, working persistently for it.
Beidou makes mistakes when she's sober—bad ones, irrevocable ones.
She was sober when she came onto Ningguang; when she stormed through the Jade Palace with all that her ego's worth, offering her a seashell which she carved herself out of food and a snarky pickup line while standing in a gallery with crockery worth millions and walls decorated with gold. She had gotten herself embarrassed on that day—and the worst of all was that Ningguang had not said a word, looking down upon the captain with a cold, nonchalant expression.
Ningguang doesn’t care, she never has.
Beidou stands, drunk and she waves the half-empty third bottle in her hand. She stumbles on her footsteps, letting out a breath laced with alcohol. Xiangling, who has been watching her from close up, scrunches her nose in disgust at the stench of alcohol and pulls back. She waves her hand in front of her, trying to shake away the spell. “Beidou-jie, don’t drink so much. There are better ways to contribute to the economy,” she insists. Beidou lets out a burp and a garbled sentence follows, inaudible. The piercing gazes of the critical Liyuen crowd follows her, even the patrons that struggle to focus on their meal with Beidou’s boisterous presence.
“I’ll wreck this city,” the captain grumbles under her breath. “The Jade Palace should’ve remained drowned and Ningguang—”
Beidou is grabbed by her shoulders and Xiangling, who is tired of being confused, frowns at her. The former can barely see what's going on, and with her brain lost to the alcohol, she's a barely functioning person. Xiangling forces Beidou down onto her seat, holding her in a way that she wouldn’t topple over onto the ground. She then folds her arms in disapproval. A customer shifts his stool away.
“Xiangling—?” Beidou points out, words slurred, as though she wasn’t aware of Xiangling’s presence in the first place.
“Beidou!” the chef retorts, clasping her hands over Beidou’s. The captain sways from side to side, and any words she hears sound muffled and drowned, as though the alcohol has drowned her. She squints her eyes and tears start to slip off her eyelids, some from the bitterness of the alcohol and others, for more understandable reasons that Beidou would deny. At some point, Beidou is able to make out the reds of Xiangling’s outfit, and the blues of her eyes, and the veracity of her entire demeanour until it all fades to black. She pauses when this happens, this moment of confusion hitting her so hard that she’s not sure what to do with herself anymore.
Beidou tenses up, clenching her hand around her stool. Has drowning always been so easy?
And then, the sweet-sour taste of savoury fish melts into Beidou’s tongue and she jolts awake. She furrows her eyebrows, incredibly confused and she lowers her eyes where she notices Xiangling pulling her closer by the jaw. The young chef stuffs a slice of her savoury fish dish into her friend's mouth. The captain chews dazedly, unable to process the series of events that have unfolded. Beidou sits up in her seat and promptly gobbles the entire plate, without needing Xiangling's help any longer. She licks the tips of her fingers and wipes her hand against the corners of her mouth where her lips have been stained with chilli sauce.
It's as though she was never tipsy at all—except for the throbbing of her head and the churning of her stomach which reminds her of her present drunkenness. Beidou sits back, rubbing her stomach but almost falling backwards in the process. Xiangling stifles a laugh, pulling the captain back up by her collar and leaning her forward onto the front counter to keep her from falling back onto the hard ground. She may know how to cure drunkenness, but she's not certain her food has healing abilities all the time.
And then, she asks, “So? What happened?”
“Ningguang has a fucking stick up her ass, I swear,” Beidou yells suddenly, slamming her fist against the wooden table roughly. Xiangling flinches, eyes widened in surprise. She glances around surreptitiously, and out of instinct, she presses her hand against Beidou's mouth in an attempt to calm her swearing. She's a sailor, after all—and a captain, at that, the worst of them all. Customers glance at the scene in horror, some shifting away and others simply getting up and leaving. Lacking customers is certainly the least of the chef's worries when they may jolly well be apprehended by the Millelith at this very moment for airing defamatory comments about the Tianquan herself. “She always thinks she’s so high and mighty, and better than everyone else," Beidou continues to talk against Xiangling's palm.
“I thought you were over her,” Xiangling sighs, a small, knowing smile on her face. She walks outside and hops onto one of the stools, turning Beidou to face her. “And you know that’s the alcohol talking.”
“No. I’m serious, that woman’s so messed up,” Beidou yells, tightening her grip around the nose of the bottle. She turns her face away and heat rises up her neck, red dusting the tips of her ears if they weren’t flushed enough already from the alcohol. She forces her eyes shut and lowers her head in embarrassment. It’s a pain—how she knows her heart is racing not out of agitation but because she’s desperate. She feels bad that her ego has been reduced to so little that even as she’s insulting Ningguang, she can’t help but think about how she wants to press Ningguang against a wall and echo songs of their love through the Jade Chamber.
Beidou and Ningguang are complete opposites—the best of business partners and the worst lovers of them all. Ningguang is calm and poised with an air of regality that Beidou has never seen in a woman before. She would only do what’s rational and what’s best, never otherwise. Beidou, on the other hand, swears by living her life however way she wishes. To hell with rationality—she would say, and only a fool like her could possibly pine after the Tianquan after such a firm rejection. Nowhere close to the Ningguang’s aristocratic demeanour, Beidou finds herself as a drunkard on most nights and an aimless pirate sailing the seven seas on mornings.
“I’m so gay,” Beidou exclaims in finality, headsmashing against the table. It doesn’t matter when there’s a stinging pain in her forehead when she lifts it again, or when there’s a reddened scar on her face from how roughly she’s been treating herself as of late. Xiangling pats Beidou’s head slowly and cautiously, but it is barely enough comfort.
“There, there,” Xiangling comforts. “I’m pretty sure Ningguang likes you back. It’s pretty obvious to—”
Beidou snaps back up faster than the speed of light, slapping Xiangling’s hand away in the process. The latter groans, retracting her hand. The captain stares at her with immense attention and widened eyes—leaning forward with so much interest that her stool is on the verge of toppling. “Repeat,” she demands, fingers curled against the countertop.
“I’m pretty sure Ningguang likes you back,” Xiangling says plainly. Beidou intertwines her fingers and sits forward, lips pursed. Several moments pass in silence and the latter may look calm, however, there are no known words to describe the sheer extent of her emotional turmoil and the terrible myriad of emotions that storm in her chest, each fighting for dominance. Even after thinking for some time, Beidou shakes her head and she waves her hand through her air dismissively, lips curving back into a frown.
“Keqing tells me about always there being Glaze Lillies around the house, even though Ningguang doesn’t go picking flowers, and how there’s always a little smile on her face when she brings you up,” Xiangling explains, clueless as to the fireworks she has set off Beidou’s chest. She doesn’t know what to think of the information. She wants to tell herself that Ningguang isn’t worth it, and she’ll be fine without the drop-dead gorgeous Tianquan but there’s no denying she’s head over heels.
“Ah…” Beidou’s thoughts come crashing to a halt. “I—don’t even think she knows it’s my birthday today…”
Xiangling wears a doubtful expression. “You’ve been chasing her for months now. You never know. Maybe she cares but doesn’t know how to express her feelings.”
“You’re lying,” Beidou scolds, slamming her head against the table once more, hitting it harder this time. Xiangling worries, if she keeps this up any longer, the poor captain might lose the few remaining braincells she has in her head. Beidou groans, half-drunk and it doesn’t help that her throat is burning from the lingering sourness of the wine. Wine has never been this painful, but maybe it is when it’s laced with sadness. Ceramic slides against the wooden table and Beidou notices, briefly, a plate pushed in front of her. Xiangling pokes her, egging her to get up with only her eyes.
When Beidou does lift her head, she finds her nose poking into a fudgy chocolate cake. Beidou shifts backwards, picking the chocolate off her nose. “If you talk to Ningguang,” Xiangling begins in a vaguely sly tone. “You can have this entire cake to yourself.”
Beidou blinks, not. thought behind her eyes. She stares at the awkwardly written words sprawled across the white fondant. Under her breath, she reads, ‘Happy Birthday Jiejie!’, and she does not hesitate for a moment that this cake would be the best thing she has ever seen. Beidou stands up with force, and the stool finally falls this time, toppling at the feet of an unsuspecting passersby who gives the captain the hundredth glance for the afternoon. So, lifting her head up to the sky proudly and with a final huff, she makes her mind up.
“You better have that cake ready for me when I’m back!” Beidou yells at the top of her lungs, shooting Xiangling one final look.
When she turns away from Wanmin, she slaps her palms against her cheeks roughly, forcing herself to sober up. To the Jade Palace, to get my girl.
Xiangling watches her leave with a look of affection, shaking her head in understanding.
───────
And then, with not a care for the world, Beidou storms into the Jade Chamber, knees weak from the alcohol and eyes narrowed in an attempt to better her vision. Any minuscule ounce of rationality she might have when she’s sober is worn down to nothing when while she's intoxicated, and she's sure she might bring the world to its end in her drunken trance, if it ever came to that. Beidou bursts through the doors of the Jade Palace standing in the middle of the living room with a confused security guard on his knees and others with their spears pointed to her back. She snorts at them, amused and she lifts her arms in the air nonchalantly.
Ningguang’s servants exchange confused stares, alas, unsurprised by a visit with such a crude and unexpected nature such as this one. “Okay, where is she?” Beidou cusses, walking forward. She then feels the edge of a polearm being poked against her lower back. She rolls her eyes and turns her head. “I’m not going to kill her. I’ve been around here enough for you to trust me,” she grimaces. The guards exchange a look of confusion before one of Ningguang’s confidants orders for them to lower their weapons. Beidou offers a satisfied smile in return.
“Thank you,” she bows sarcastically and waltzes straight inside. Glancing around, she doesn’t notice Ningguang sitting at her desk, nor is she standing by her collection of precious gems that she likes to re-organise during her free time. Her gaze falls on the half-open door of the bedroom. The Tianquan’s servants let out an audible gasp and run towards the captain in an attempt to stop her in the middle of her path. Alas, they’re too late—and by the time they reach her, Beidou is already standing at the open mouth of the Tianquan’s doorway. “I come empty-handed but I—” Beidou begins.
When she blinks, next, she notices Ningguang looking back at her incredulously with her face flushed bright red. Her gaze falls and she notices Ningguang's golden qipao down at her waist, revealing her naked upper back. Beidou’s jaw drops and any words she intended to speak vanish. Her own face burns from mortification and her cheeks warm so much, steam might blow out of her ears. Pointing a finger at the Tianquan, she takes a solid step backward—however, still rudely staring at her perfect form, she continues her mindless statement, “—will leave you.”
Ningguang flushes bright red, turning around immediately. She clutches her arms over her chest, whimpering in a sheepish tone, “I thought you were my assistant!”
Beidou stutters, “Am I supposed to be?!”
“Get out, Beidou!”
So Beidou does, before her heart bursts out of her chest. She slams the door behind her, pressing her back against the hardwood. She cups her hand over her mouth. And by the time the door opens behind her again, Beidou is still standing with her back pressed against the door. She flips around and manages to move only as much as twisting her hip before Ningguang emerges from the bedroom. She looks down and oh Archons the world must have decided to have mercy on her if they've let her press her face so close against the Tianquan’s. Ningguang, flustered, opens a fan in front of her face to place between them.
Beidou shuffles a few steps backwards.
“What brings you here?” Ningguang fans herself lightly, averting her gaze from Beidou.
Beidou shrugs, still visibly staring at the Tianquan’s figure with her crude gaze.
“Regardless. I’m glad you came. I have something for you,” Ningguang mentions, feigning composure. Meekly, she scurries away and pulls something out of her drawer, a black box with gold words carved onto its cover. Bashful, she hands it to her captain. “I hope it’s to your liking.”
Beidou snatches it from the Tianquan’s hands, opening it quickly. It’s a platinum necklace with intricate carvings of designs special to the Liyuen style, similar to Ningguang’s dress. On it, is a hanging pendant in the shape of the Alcor, carved out of the raw material itself.
On her pendant, however, is a gaping hole in the middle. Beidou runs her finger over it, wondering if it’s a defect. She doesn’t complain. This must... cost a fortune...
As Beidou looks up, Ningguang adjusts one of the necklaces on her neck and pulls it out from beneath her dress. She notices how it’s similar to the one she’s been gifted, but in the shape of a circle—the one that completes Beidou’s pendant. The captain lifts her own gift and holds it against Ningguang’s collar, where she notices the magnets in each necklace attract each other. Her face lights up in surprise. “Because you never leave me alone, have become a persistent fixture in my life... and you’re not complete without me,” Ningguang explains, coughing softly to dissolve the tenseness in the words. “And I’m not complete without you. Happy birthd—”
Beidou doesn’t wait. She reaches her hand around Ningguang’s waist and pulls her closer. Tilting her head, she closes her eyes and presses her lips against Ningguang’s. It takes a while for the Tianquan to get used to this sensation, but she closes her eyes as well, wrapping a hand around her captain’s neck. She smiles into the kiss, and her other hand presses over Beidou’s heart where she counts the rhythm of their heartbeats in unison. Beidou bites on her lip playfully and Ningguang frowns, pulling away.
Cheeks flushed, she tries to force a glare and pins the notorious captain against the wall. “Trying to play tricks on me, captain?” she raises an eyebrow.
“Yes, ma’am,” Beidou agrees with a shameless smirk. Ningguang leans in this time, locking their lips together. When Ningguang pulls back the next time, it’s because the captain has left her out of breath. Beidou licks her lips teasingly, wearing a mischievous smirk on her face. “Could’ve told me earlier. Didn’t know you wanted me sooo bad,” she grins, leaning her face even closer. Ningguang flicks her forehead and steps away with a playful roll of her eyes.
“Osmanthus wine isn’t my preferred taste when kissing a lady,” Ningguang criticises. “Work on it,” she turns away sternly.
Beidou doesn’t want her looking away, so she latches herself onto Ningguang’s waist and rests her head on her shoulder. The Tianquan cracks a smile.