Work Text:
"I still don't think it's a good idea, Paige." Sage Woods says while pushing her skirt down and trailing behind her roommate who drags her to the entrance of the fraternity.
"No, I am not taking no for an answer again. It's the end of the first semester and you still haven't gone to any parties on campus." Paige stopped looking back at Sage with a wicked grin. "It's my duty as your college BFF, to get you out of your shell." She ripped Sage's hands from the hem of her dress, forcing her roommate's shoulders back, straightening her posture. "Now we are going inside this house, and we are not going to leave until you socialize with at least three different people, or until you get thoroughly drunk." Sage grimaces. "It is your choice to make."
Before she could retort back, Paige was already dragging her again into the house.
Once inside, Sage lost sight of Paige almost immediately. Not because her roommate had ditched her to enjoy the party, but because when she called Sage to join her, Sage sluggish against a wall out of the other girl's field of vision.
Sage sighed. Paige was only trying to be a good friend. She respected her boundaries, and never had insisted too much for her to go to a party before. But they had finished this semester flawlessly, they deserved to go out, have some fun and celebrate.
Sage knew that in the end, Paige had been right. It was good to celebrate even small accomplishments. But she still wasn't sure that college parties were for her.
Yeah right, her mind went back to the after-party of the movie festival Dakota had taken her. If he was there right now, he would not let her live this half-hearted attempt of celebration.
The familiar piercing and dull ache filled her chest. God, how she missed him.
Her cell phone buzzed on his pocket taking her mind away from the memory lane she had been.
okay, I am gonna need proof that you truly left your reclusion dome.
BTW
how come you texted Amy about your first college party debut and not us???
She laughed at Mateo's stream of texts in their group chat.
Sorry Sage! Didn't realize you hadn't told them.
She rolled her eyes at Amy's excuses. Traitor. The chat continued with Lennox's messages.
I give her 20 min tops before she runs back to her room.
Actually, my roommate took my key away. I can only go back if she decides I am drunk enough OR after she deems my level of socialization acceptable. She answered.
Oooo, this is genius, I like her. Mateo typed.
Drunk. Get drunk. It's a way easier solution.
I can't believe I am actually saying this but: Lennox is right.
Sage chuckled at her friend's texts. How she missed them. Amy was halfway across the country and Lennox and Mateo was still in Boston finishing high school. Things would be better if she could talk to them every day, but Mateo was focusing really hard on getting his grades up for his pre-med program, Amy was drowning herself in different programs for extra credits in college, pointing out that "her best performances were under extreme pressure", and Lennox had finally listened to them and began training for the Paralympics.
Sage wished she could tell Dakota all of that. She wished she could talk to him every day.
Or just one last time again.
Her phone buzzed again on her hand. There was a new text from Mateo.
Hey, send us a video showing the secret deeds of how cool college parties are. I can't wait for my time to come.
I send videos of my college parties here! Amy answered.
Don't get too excited, defused bomb. 80% of the fun is in the alcohol you can't have.
First of all. Mateo replied. I said COOL college parties, so I stand by my previous statement. And second, technically, I AM going to get a new liver anyway so…
Sage rolled her eyes at the common back and forth dynamic she had grown so used to. She opened her cellphone camera and started to record the parties around her.
The heavy bass of the speakers made her feel a vibration from her stomach to the tip of her fingers that held the phone.
Around her people talked with each other holding the familiar red cups. People moved around on an improvised dance floor, and she zoomed in on the figure of Paige grinding against an upperclassman, chuckling at the scene, before turning back to record the rest of the party.
The guys from the fraternity were playing a beer pong game not far from her. She turned the camera to the game and her breath caught up.
There was nothing too special happening, but the guy who had just scored made her stop for a second, unable to tear her gaze away.
After he hit the ping pong ball inside the other team cup, he let out a hearty laugh and ran his fingers through his hair.
The way he did it, it was just like Dakota would have done.
That was where the similarities ended, Sage realized, but she couldn't look away. Where Dakota had been lean and boyish, this guy looked like he was well built and with manly features. He was a man like Dakota would never grow up to be.
Usually, Sage wouldn’t have taken notice of things like that. But the familiar gesture caught her so off guard, that she couldn't help but stare at that man so different from her Dakota, but who had for a moment looked just like him.
Another guy at the ping pong table nudged the man she had been staring at, pointing in her direction. When the man looked, Sage realized that she had been recording and staring at the man for almost a full minute. Shit.
Sage quickly stored her phone away, and left the room, unashamedly running away from the awkward situation she had put herself into.
---
After a few hours at the party, Sage had forgotten about the awkward incident, even complying with her quota of social interaction for the night as Paige had strongly suggested.
She should thank her friend in the morning, she had a good time tonight.
But as the hours went by she had grown tired of the party.
"Hey, I need my key. I’m tired, I think I need to call it a night."
Paige, who was on a couch on the lap of the same upperclassmen from before, untangled herself from him, handing Sage the keys. "Sure, here. Uh, I don't think I am going back to our room tonight so… But anyway, did you have fun?"
Sage could feel the worry in her roommate's tone. Afraid that she might have overstepped bringing her here tonight.
Sage smiled at her, thankful. "I had a great time Paige, thank you for dragging me." Sage gave the man her friend was with a pointed look. "If anything happens, you call me okay?" She mustered her most frightening gaze at the man, when Paige hugged her, not seeing her expression. The man gave her a somewhat frightened thumbs up and Sage smiled at the reaction. The Lennox, as she and Mateo called never disappointed.
Soon as she left the parties the music and the rest of the sounds were muffled behind her.
The chilly night air felt good against her warm skin in a calming and freshening coat.
Sage walked a few meters before being overtaken by an emptiness inside of her. She needed to stop for a moment, sitting on a bench.
She was utterly and completely alone. Her friends were on the other side of the country, so was her mom. The only person she truly considered a friend here was having a fun time, and no way she would ruin the night for her.
Sage considered talking to Mateo or Lennox like she usually did when she felt like this. But it didn't feel right.
Right now, there was only one person she wanted to talk to.
Sage looked up at the sky, watching the stars against the dark fabric of the night, feeling her eyes prickle with hot tears.
She knew he was watching her. She wondered if Dakota was disappointed in her, that she still hadn't moved on.
A voice to her left startled her. "You know, if you are going to stare at them for such a long time it's better to take a picture." She looked in the direction of the sound and found the man she had watched playing beer pong, walking in her direction with his hands on his pockets and a handsome playful grin. "But considering how you were going with that camera of yours, I thought you might already know that."
Sage groaned letting her head fall on her hands. The man let out a hearty laugh. "I am so sorry for that. My friends asked me to record the party for them because they want to know how college parties were. I just got… distracted when the camera was on you and your friends."
The man looked amused. Sage groaned again. "Not like that! My mind just…" Sage looked back into the sky and she sighed. "Went somewhere else."
The man observed her for a few seconds before coming closer. "Can I seat?" Sage nodded and the man sat, extending his hand. "Arman Hafeez."
Sage shook his hand. "Sage Woods."
"So, Sage Woods." He said her name in a playful tone. "Where was your mind then?"
For a strange reason, Sage felt compelled to talk to him. Maybe because he was a stranger who knew nothing about her. She felt it could be easier. Maybe Arman wouldn't feel obligated to give her the usual answers that people who knew her or Dakota gave.
"On happier times." She continued to watch the stars and not the man sitting beside her. She remembered the last night with Dakota. "The darkest times as well.” She paused for a second, before turning to the man. “Have you ever been in love, Arman?"
Arman smiled. "I feel like this is not a ‘come get me type’ of situation, so I'm going to answer this seriously." He thought for a second. "I thought that I had been in love a couple of times that's for sure. But stopping to think about it now. It was probably just a childhood romance. I wouldn't call it love stories to be honest."
Sage nodded. "Yeah, I get it. It's not easy to find true love in high school. I never thought I would." She smiled at the memories, the burning feeling of the tears, and the raw pain on her chest overpowering her. "But I did. Against all odds, I lived a love some people spend their lives looking for."
Arman was silent for a moment. "What happened then?"
"He died, last year. Cancer." She waited for the usual I'm sorry she received when she told anyone about Dakota.
"I'm sorry for your loss." Sage nodded but Arman continued. "How old was he?"
That caught Sage by surprise. "Nineteen."
"Had he been in remission?"
"Yes, it was a really aggressive type of Leukemia." Sage furrowed her brows at him. "Are you a med student or something?"
Arman laughed at that. "Or something, I am actually in my first year of pre-med."
Sage blurted before she could close her mouth. "You look older."
At that Arman gave her a loud bark. "Damn, you don't hold back do you". Sage shrugs, but she was smiling. "I am a little older actually, but probably only a couple of years. I had to take a break before high school to help my parents take care of my sister during the time she had been in the hospital."
A cold shiver ran down Sage's spine. "Did she…"
Arman nodded. "Yeah, she had cancer." A quick look on Sage's face and Arman realized her concern. "But she is fine now, don't worry. She is in her first year of high school doing her best to drive my parents insane."
Sage let out a relieved sigh. "Oh God, that’s good.” She smiled at him. “I am so happy for you, your family, your sister… I am so glad that she is alive." Arman stared at her for a few beats. His eyes intense.
"Thank you. It's not anybody who would be truly that happy about someone they don't even know recovering, you know that right?"
Sage made a dismissive gesture. "It's not like that. It's just that all of that hurt and pain is too recent on my mind. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. So I am truly happy your sister is fine. If you don't mind me asking, is that why you want to be a doctor?"
Arman nodded. " I want to be an oncologist. Those people are the reason my baby sis is alive today, so I want to pay it forward."
Sage smiled. "You sound like Mateo."
"Your boyfriend?"
She snorted. "God, no." Sage picked her cellphone showing Arman a photo of her, Amy, Mateo, and Lennox on her graduation, then she showed him a picture of Dakota and Mateo on the Edenbrook prom night. "That is my boyfriend. Dakota."
Arman whistled. "That's a handsome fella right here."
Sage smiled. "He is. He was."
Arman considered her words for a few moments. "Were you thinking about him tonight?"
Sage nodded. "Yeah.” Sage started pouring her mind out to the man, unable to hold back her words. “I just feel so alone and miserable without him. And it breaks my heart to think that he might be watching me suffer because of him. It was the last thing he wanted to." She sighs " I want to talk to someone about it, but everyone in my life has their own feelings regarding Dakota and I don't want to burden them with it every time, especially since they are across the country. There is Paige, my roommate, but I feel she will try to make me feel better but sometimes I just… want to be a little miserable."
Arman nodded, understanding written in his expression, before he let out a sigh, scratching his head. "Look Sage, I am going to be completely honest with you. When I saw you walking out of the party, I came here with the full purpose of inviting you to a date. But since I am not a total jerk, I am not." Sage gave him a small smile which Arman returned. "But I still want to ask you to take a coffee with me tomorrow. In a totally platonic way, I promise. I just want to know you better, and offer you a friendly shoulder, closer to home. Because you look like an amazing person who deserves every happiness life could give you."
There was a gleam in Arman's eyes that made Sage remember the first time she met Dakota, making her stomach clunch.
She already saw how this story of platonic friends worked. She should reject his offer, right here and now.
But Sage saw the openness and sincerity in Arman’s gaze. He was offering her his hand, and she needed more friends in her life.
She got up and Arman followed her movement. "Can I think about it?" She asked, suddenly uncomfortable with the whole situation.
Arman smiled at her running his hands through his hair in an all too familiar manner for her. "Of course Sage. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?" Sage shook her head.
"No, it's fine. Thank you for the offer though." Arman nodded looking around for a while until his gaze fell on a suggestion box in the middle of campus.
"Wait here." He ran to the box and came back with a scribbled piece of paper. It was a phone number. "I know how that might sound, but I am not trying anything. I just feel like you could use a good friend here, like the ones you have at home. Also, I think your love story with Dakota is something that is worth listening to. This is my number. Send me a message when you get to your dorm safe okay? If you want to get a coffee with me, to talk about anything, just hit me up. I promise I am not going to send you a message until you look for me first, okay?" Arman winked at her extending his hand for a goodbye handshake. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Sage Woods."
And just like that, Arman went back into the house. Sage quickly started to walk back to her dorm, firmly holding the piece of paper in her hand.
-----
Sage had gotten to her room, taken a shower, and changed into her pajamas, waiting for a signal from Paige if she needed her.
Around 02 A.M. Paige sent a message confirming that she would not be coming home, but that everything was fine.
Sage closed the laptop she had been watching a movie on her bed.
She turned to place the device on her nightstand and found the note with Arman's number. She had considered but decided not to call him. It was too soon for her.
Before falling asleep, Sage checked the group chat again. It was filled with new messages.
Sage scrolled up until the last read messages and cursed under her breath when she realized she had sent the video from earlier.
Ooooooh, it's a party alright. Mateo typed. Your friend is having the time of her life, and you are slugging against a wall, argh. I chose the wrong friend.
Okay, if you decide to do what your friend is doing with this guy in the end, I totally forgive you. But I want no details, thank you very much.
Lennox answered that comment.
What guy?
Oh, the insufferable looking one with a cute smile. Yeah, that sounds on brand for Sage.
So, did you hook up with him?
Look, I am too tired for this tonight. But don't get the wrong impression, I WILL call you tomorrow for more information. Was the only message Amy had sent, and Sage groaned pressing the phone against her forehead. Great. She typed a message.
NOTHING happened, the guy was nice and he asked me for a coffee but I already said no.
Sage put her phone on the bedside table and snuggled on her blankets. Until her cellphone began to ring. It was Lennox.
"Hi, what's up?" She answered.
"Did you really reject the guy?" Lennox asked in her uninterested tone.
"Of course I rejected him." I don't want to go out with anyone else. At least not right now." Sage became squeamish, remembering the conversation she had with Dakota before the bone marrow transplant. She was nowhere near being ready to move on on him.
There was a silence at the other end of the line.
"Sage" Lennox sighed. "I am not going to tell you how to live your life or some bullshit like that okay? But I think that you are closing yourself up for any opportunities life is throwing at you. This was your first party at college, you only have one friend there that is the only person you are forced to interact with. You need a friend there too."
Because you look like an amazing person who deserves every happiness life could give you.
Arman's words came back to her mind. Lennox continued. "I looked up this Arman guy on Pictagram, he looks… decent," Lennox said the word like it was an insult. "He has a little sister who has cancer so… maybe you don't need to see him as a dating candidate, but as someone who understands a little of what you been through. Don't go closing up doors on yourself." Lennox took a deep breath. "Think of what Dakota would want for you."
Promise me you will continue living Teach.
Sage bit back her tears. "Thanks, Lennox."
"If anyone asks, this conversation never happened."
Sage let out a laugh. "By the way, how did you find his profile?"
"If I told you I would have to kill you. I have to go now. My brother wants to help with my training before school tomorrow. Bye."
Without waiting for a goodbye Lennox hung up. Sage chuckled. Her friend would never admit it, but she had a big heart and she worried about her a lot after Dakota had died.
She missed them. Sage missed her friends' presence in her life. She missed their comforting touch and their hugs. She missed the physical reminder that she was alone. That Dakota had been real. That there was a reason her heart felt like crumbled into a million pieces.
I just want to know you better and offer you a friendly shoulder, closer to home.
Sage knew she didn't want anyone else but Dakota. The thought of moving on made her feel nauseated. She wanted Dakota back.
She wanted to kiss him, talk to him, laugh with him. To say "I love you" one more time.
But that wasn't possible.
What she could do was to keep her promise to keep on living, loving, and happy. Because of him, for him, and without him.
She wanted to tell their story. The story of an everlasting love that extended for the span of a year. But would be present until her dying breath.
I think your love story with Dakota is something that is worth listening to.
After a second of hesitation, Sage picked the scribbled number from her bedside table, saving it on her phone.
Hey Arman, Sage here
I got back safe to my dorm, sorry for not talking to you earlier.
About that coffee tomorrow, I think it can be a good idea. Do you still want to listen to my story?
After a few moments, Arman's answer came by.
I would love to.