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Tommy sat on the edge of the crater, his legs dangling over the edge. He sighed, wondering if things would ever go his way. The silence was eerie, where once stood a country full of life, now sat a hole in the ground. A sad reminder of his failures.
He heard footsteps come up behind him and instinctively knew who they were. Sure enough, a few seconds later,Tubbo sat down next to him, leaning into his shoulder.
“Why are you out here?” Tubbo mumbled sleepily.
“Couldn’t sleep, Big Man,” Tommy responded, his mind flashing back to the sound of TNT that had awoken him.
“If you ever need anything, you know you can wake me up, right?” Tubbo asked him gently.
Tommy took a deep breath before nodding his head.
“I don’t want to bother you,” he whispered.
“Never.”
The pair sat there for a while, watching as the sun peeked out from over the scraggly horizon. The shadows grew inside of the crater, their harsh lines and jagged edges signs of a country that was no more. The two sat there as the cool night air was slowly replaced with the warm rays of the sun, as the still wind was replaced with hopeful hints of spring.
When the sun was halfway over the horizon and the sky a mix of bright cotton-candy pink and pale blue streaked with warm oranges, Tommy spoke.
“You know, I keep asking myself, was it all even worth it,” he said his voice low and rough.
“If what was worth it?,” Tubbo asked, his voice gently jumping up in pitch.
“L’Manberg,”
Tubbo nodded. He wondered that sometimes too.
“So, what do you think, is it?,” he asked the blond.
Tommy scanned the horizon, his eyes looking for things that weren’t there anymore. The Camarvan, the podium, the L’Mantree. All things that had meant something to him, all things that had been blown up or burnt down, all things that truly signified the end.
“I, I think that it was, -mostly. I think it was worth my first life, I think it was worth the discs,” he cut himself off abruptly taking a deep breath before continuing, “The thing is, Tubbo, that L’Manberg was the discs but... more .
“In the beginning, it was you and me against Dream, for the discs. The thing is that the discs only actually mean anything when Dream has them. When I have them, they’re just that, discs . When Dream has them, they’re a bargaining chip. They’re power. They’re something to be used to gain control over others. But we don’t see them like that, and.. and L’Manberg was just like that too. To Wilbur, it wasn’t anything more than a place to call our own and brew drugs. To Dream, it was people that he couldn’t control. And that is why he fought for it back.”
Tubbo shuffled closer, staying silent in order to allow Tommy to let it all out.
“What he didn’t expect was for us to fight back, and then, when he got the opportunity for the discs, he took it; L’Manberg was doomed to fail. It was dead in the water, and as much as I hate to admit it, it was always destined to be. We were never going to be able to have L’Manberg back, because Dream would always see it as a threat to his power, he was always gonna see it as something he couldn’t control.
“And that’s why he kept working against it. That’s why he helped Wilbur, he didn’t actually care about what Wilbur wanted, he just cared that it would be destroyed. That’s why he worked with Schlatt and Techno. That’s why he let it survive that first time. Because he knew there would come a day when we wouldn’t be able to rebuild, because he knew that there would be a day that we would stop trying.
“But we weakened him, we made him cocky, he’s now gone, in prison. He’s lost everything he’s ever fought for, everything he built up is now in shambles. And that’s the other thing, although Dream was strong in skills, in armour and enchants, he was weak because he was always one person. In the beginning, he had allies, sure, but in the end, his allies never cared for him, they only cared about the chaos he would cause, about the withers he would help unleash. He used his allies as tools, so they did the same.
“But we always had each other, other than exile. But we would always be there, we didn’t care about what our allies had, only that we had a common goal, that we had camaraderie.
“In the end, I think it was good that L’Manberg existed. Without it, Dream would have gotten power more slowly, but it would have been stronger. He would’ve had more control over everything. And if a ‘L’Manberg’ had appeared later, it would’ve been too late, and wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
“But I also don’t know if it was worth two permanent deaths, especially--” he sighed, trying to hold back the tears, “especially Wilbur’s. But I think that in the end, it was worth it if only so we could live the way we live now. Do you remember what was on the original Declaration? Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Victory. That’s what L’Manberg stood for, and it’s only now that it’s gone that they exist, it’s only because it existed that we have it all.”
Tubbo, who had been listening intently the entire time, pressed himself closer to Tommy when he started crying. Tommy leaned into him, letting the tears roll freely down his cheeks.
When the sun had fully risen, they stood up together.
Two child soldiers who had lost too much too quickly.
One who had held the weight of the world on his shoulders, who had given and never received, whose selflessness had been greeted with pain and sorrow, whose loyalty had been repaid with betrayals and broken friendships.
And the other who had been forced to hold the fate of an entire nation of people on his back, whose kindness had been rewarded with cruelty, whose endless love had been returned with hatred.
The kids walked back towards the dirt hut, their shoulders heavy with the burden they carried, each trying to help with the other, but barely being able to hold themselves up too.
The blind leading the blind. All they could do was be there for each other when they crumbled, and hope they didn’t crumble too.
The pair went through the motions of living, forcing the other to eat when they found themselves feeling sick at the sight of food, getting each other into bed only to lie down and stare at the ceiling all night. They held each other up, while relying on the other to remain standing.
The other members of the server noticed this. They saw the dark bruises that surrounded their eyes, the way they walked hunched in on themselves. They saw the way they never left the other alone for more than a few minutes.
They saw all this, and did nothing .
No one commented on how they seemed to be on the brink of death, on the screams that echoed through the night whenever one of them managed to sleep. ‘ It’s not my business’ , they’d say, but in reality, they just didn't want to deal with the damage that they themselves had caused. No one cared enough.
Well, almost no one. Awsamdude returned to the main area one day after recuperating at his base after Doomsday. He caught sight of the two boys early one morning on the bench, staring listlessly at the valley below them, and was immediately concerned. He spent the day quietly following, watching as they burst into tears together after lunch. He watched as they stumbled around, catching each other when they nearly fell over. He saw the way that they only had each other.
He watched as the other residents did nothing. They were barely even spared a passing glance, even when they screamed, even when they cried in full view of others.
He asked around if anyone was doing anything and his anger only grew. They were blamed for it all. They were blamed for the crater in the ground and the hole in their hearts. They were blamed for the obsidian walls and all the wars and the bloodshed.
They were children , they shouldn’t have even been in any of the battles, let alone be heading them!
So he did the only logical thing he could.
“You want us to come stay with you,” Tommy asked doubtfully.
It didn’t escape Sam’s notice that the blond had planted himself between Sam and Tubbo. There was a protective fire in his eyes, telling Sam that Tommy wouldn’t hesitate to hurt him if he so much as looked at Tubbo wrong.
“I do. You two have gone through a lot, too much for kids your age to have to deal with, and worst of all, you’re all alone, it just- it doesn’t sit right with me,” Sam said truthfully.
Tommy seemed to be rolling the idea through his mind. A hand tugged at his shirt, and Tommy turned to see Tubbo looking at him with pleading eyes. After a silent conversation, the younger looked up and gave Sam a hesitant nod.
Tommy looked around at the room they had been given; it was big and had a nice window. But the best part was that there were two beds. They sat across from each other, framing the window, equidistant from the door. Tommy quickly claimed the right one while Tubbo took the left.
They had agreed to come with Sam on a few conditions. Really, they were Tommy’s conditions. They were allowed to leave whenever they wanted and they were allowed to visit whoever they wanted when they wanted. Sam had gently pushed for a few restrictions (like a curfew and supervision when meeting with... certain dangerous people), and with some help from Tubbo, Tommy had agreed.
They weren’t quite sure what they were allowed to do in the house so they stayed in their room that first day. When they were called out for dinner, Tommy walked in front of Tubbo the whole time, even placing himself in between the two when they ate.
Sam made small conversation with them, assuring them over and over again that they were allowed to be kids with him. Tubbo eased up almost immediately, the tension draining from his shoulders. That only strengthened Tommy’s determination. He stayed on guard for any sign that Sam would hurt them.
He had stopped trusting adults a long time ago. Only the kids, the ones tainted by wars, the ones who knew the horrors that they had been though, could be trusted.
He had to admit the food was good. Although it was a fairly simple mushroom stew, it had been a while since someone had cooked for him, which made the meal taste even better somehow. The last person was probably Techno back in Pogtopia, and even then that hardly counted, as he usually boiled potatoes and called it a day.
After he and Tubbo had gone back to their room to sleep, Tubbo’s hand immediately latched onto his, spinning him around until they were face to face. Tubbo held Tommy’s hands tightly between his own.
“Tommy, relax , he’s not going to hurt us,” he insisted.
“We don’t know that though,” Tommy protested.
“Sam has never been anything but kind to us, from the Revolution up until now,” Tubbo argued.
“Wilbur had never hurt us before, neither had Techno, look what happened with them.” Tommy said bitterly.
That made Tubbo pause. It was true, of course, Tubbo had fond memories of Wilbur and Techno from their childhood. Whether it was them practicing their sword fighting skills out in the yard with Techno, or letting Wilbur sing them to sleep when Tubbo came over, all of the memories he had previously of the two were so.. happy , filled with joy and childish naivety. The two friends had been attached at the hip for so long that they felt like brothers. But they had hurt them, they had betrayed them.
“Give him a chance, for me, please,” Tubbo said at last, his voice nothing more than a pleading whisper.
Tommy looked at him for a moment, clearly weighing his options. This could turn out just like before, but.. It could be better. Maybe it won’t be so bad this time.
Finally, he nodded.
They crawled into bed a few hours later after having gone outside to watch the sunset. The covers were warm and soft. Nothing like the poorly made woolen blankets they had made on their own, Phil had never gotten around to teaching them how to make good blankets before they left. The responsibility should have gone to Wilbur or Techno, but they had been too busy with wars to teach much of anything.
They were far better than the scratchy, formal bedsheets that had been in the Whitehouse, and far superior to the thin sheet of wool that Tommy had used in exile. And the mattresses were equally comfortable.
Even though they were on a full stomach and tucked under warm blankets, it wasn’t enough to stop the nightmares. They both woke up screaming. Tubbo first, then Tommy.
Tubbo immediately went to Tommy’s bed, just as he had done back in the dirt shack they called home.
Tommy wrapped an arm around him, shifting them so Tubbo was against the wall and he faced the door. Tubbo snuggled further into his side, soaking in the feeling of safety and warmth, of being protected by his best friend.
Hurried footsteps echoed through the hallways and a harried Sam burst through the door, holding a gleaming Netherite axe.
His eyes scanned the room, expression fearful as his eyes locked onto Tommy.
“Where’s Tubbo?” he asked, sweeping through the room.
“I’m right here,” Tubbo said his voice muffled by sleep and the blanket that Tommy had him smothered under.
Sam’s shoulders relaxed instantly.
“Bad dreams?” he asked tentatively.
“Yeah,” the boys said in unison.
Sam nodded muttering a quick ‘be right back,’ before turning on his heel and walking out of the room.
When he returned, the axe was gone from his hands, replaced with a tray balancing three steaming mugs.
The boys sat up, Tubbo still buried into Tommy’s side, the blanket covering both of their shoulders. They were determined and curious to see what Sam had brought them, relaxing even more at the familiar, comforting scent of hot cocoa.
Sam couldn’t help but smile fondly at them.
They each took a mug while Sam perched himself on Tubbo’s bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Sam asked gently.
“It was the Red Festival,” Tubbo admitted looking down at his drink, “Blue, red, and white go off around me, my skin burns the same way every time. It starts from my left shoulder and travels down all the way down to my left hip and crawls up the left side of my face. All I hear is screaming, I can never tell if it’s me or the audience,” Tubbo shudders.
Tommy wrapped a tight arm around Tubbo.
Sam’s eyes darkened with sadness, not even being able to fathom what the brunette had been through. The dim light from the doorway highlighted the scarred half of his face. His eyes tracing the way that the pale stagnated flesh seemed to reflect light. He felt sick to his stomach.
How could someone do this to a child?
“What about you?” Sam asked Tommy.
Tommy hesitated before he started.
“Dream. He makes me take off my armour as usual and knocks me around a bit. Eventually, he gets bored and leaves me alone. When he does there’s nothing but darkness. No one around, no sound. And then… and then Techno appears, tells me to die like a hero, before releasing the withers” he says, his voice low and rough.
“I promise, I’m here for you too, I’ll be here as long as you need me. I won’t ever hurt you, I’ll protect you,” Sam told them, his heart-shattering at their words. No child should ever have to go through any of that. No matter what they did. They were kids , they shouldn’t be in pain or suffering, they needed love and support -and that was exactly what he was going to give them.
The boys looked at him, Tubbo with a grateful smile, and Tommy with a still slightly suspicious frown.
After the boys were done with their hot chocolate, he gently pushed them back into the position they had been in when he entered, with Tubbo huddled into Tommy.
The week passed slowly, with Sam trying to gain Tommy’s trust. The problem was that the only way he could do that was by showing him that he wouldn’t hurt him, but he also had to be careful not to overdo it or Tommy would think he was faking it.
Thankfully, Puffy showed up halfway through the week. She was gentle and patient with Tommy in a way that Sam envied. He opened up to her much more easily.
Finally, Tommy stopped being quite so protective of Tubbo. His wariness hadn’t faded completely, but he had started trusting them with him. He stopped his habit of always walking in front of him, stopped shielding himself and hiding his feelings from the adults.
It all went downhill a few weeks later. The boys had been leaving each other’s sides more often, and had started to feel comfortable going and doing their own things, when Tommy asked Sam to visit Dream. Tubbo had immediately told Tommy that he wasn’t letting him go alone.
Sam and Puffy had stayed in the living room while the friends argued in their room. They hadn’t heard either boy yell as much as they were right now.
Eventually, they stormed into the living room.
“Sam, tell Tubbo that he can’t come to see Dream with me,” Tommy demanded.
“Puffy, tell Tommy why he can’t go see Dream alone!” Tubbo said pleading.
The creeper and sheep hybrids looked at each other, before wordlessly coming to a conclusion.
“Tommy, you understand that Tubbo just doesn’t want Dream hurting you again, right?” Sam asked carefully.
“Yeah, but I don’t want him hurting Tubbo!” he replied defensively.
“You don’t have to protect me all the time,” Tubbo said, looking at Tommy.
“Well actually I do because no one else will,” Tommy yelled.
“Who’s supposed to protect you then?” Tubbo asked gently.
Tommy laughed bitterly.
“I’m already too far gone to bother trying to protect, there’s still hope for you,” he said.
Tubbo tackled Tommy in a hug. Sam and Puffy couldn’t quite hear what was being said, but they heard Tubbo’s furious muttering, telling Tommy that he was worth everything in the world. They ended up sitting on the floor, arms still wrapped tightly around each other, tears running freely down their cheeks, reassured that the other was there, still alive.
The next day Sam brought them to Pandora's Vault with Puffy who wouldn’t actually be entering.
He brought them through all the security measures, being careful and gently telling them exactly what was going to happen in each one. Finally, they reached the part where he had to leave them.
“Dream,” Tommy said, approaching him slowly, Tubbo pressed up against his side.
“Tommy,” he greeted, his words sugary sweet.
Tommy gulped before walking closer.
“I’m surprised you brought Tubbo here, I figured that you wouldn’t want him to see how weak you are,” Dream said, a smile twisting across his face.
“I’m not weak,” Tommy protested with a slight waver in his voice.
“Oh yeah?” Dream said, a smirk gracing his face.
“Yeah,” Tommy said with more confidence than he felt.
“Put your armour in the hole Tommy,” Dream said, his voice changing to that of a disappointed parent.
Tommy’s reaction was immediate. His fingers went to his sides looking for the straps that would hold a chestplate. He panicked when he couldn’t find them, his fingers desperately searching for something that was no longer there.
“Tommy,” Tubbo said, grabbing his wrist.
He blinked and then remembered where he was. He felt his face heat up as he stared down at his shoes in embarrassment. Had he really just done that, had he really just gone to take off his armour? He thought he’d made progress, he thought Dream didn’t have control over him anymore. He thought wrong apparently.
Tubbo led him gently to the corner, away from Dream and closer to the exit, before walking back towards the masked man. Tommy could only focus on his too-fast heart beat, and the soft, steady rhythm of the bubbling lava. Eventually, Tubbo reappeared in his line of sight and pulled him back into a standing position.
Tubbo led them out. Tommy blinked, and suddenly they were stepping out into the sunshine. Puffy greeted them, and he saw her lips moving before eventually dipping into a frown. Then she slowly stepped forward holding her arms out in an offering of a hug, but also giving him time to back out. He closed the distance between them quickly, letting her arms envelop him in a tight embrace. He felt Tubbo join soon after.
They walked home. Tommy noticed that Sam wasn’t with them but he couldn’t find the energy to ask about it, so he didn’t.
When they got back, Puffy and Tubbo pushed him into bed, Tubbo crawling in with him while Puffy tucked the blankets tightly around them. Once she was done Puffy took a seat on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through his messy blond hair.
Between the comforting feeling of fingers carding through his hair, and Tubbo’s arms wrapped around him, it didn’t take very long for him to fall asleep.
And if, when Sam came home with a piece of porcelain embedded in his skin that Puffy had to carefully remove, well, no one except for him and Dream had to know what happened.
Maybe Tommy wasn’t better, maybe he wouldn’t be better for a long while. But what mattered was that he had people who loved him, who cared about him, and for now? Tommy decided that that was enough.