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Cas walked dejectedly but determined up the stairs, the words still ringing in his ears.
Why does that something always seem to be you?
He felt tears pricking the corner of his eyes but set his jaw, resolute not to let Dean see how his words affected him. Glancing up one more time before opening the heavy bunker door, Cas looked back. There stood Dean, still as a statue, face blank. The one Cas gave everything for. He lost his wings, his grace, his dignity, all for this one man. Dean Winchester. The Righteous Man. And after everything, this is how Dean repays him? With petty blame?
Cas felt a spark of anger rise in him and carefully opened the door. As soon as he was out of Dean’s view, he let his emotions overwhelm him. The door slammed shut behind him. Cas stood there for a moment. All his effort, his years spent protecting Dean, even killing his own brothers and sisters for him, was for nothing. Dean didn’t care. At the end of the day, Cas was just the angel assigned to him. Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters.
He walked over to his beige car. Never again would he be in the Impala, Dean in the driver’s seat, wishing to sit right next to him and confess his true feelings. He couldn’t. Dean didn’t want him there as a guardian, or a friend, much less anything more than that. He knew Dean never let anyone in, but he could never crush that little piece of hope, that error in his angelic programming that allowed him to feel love.
It’s been there, struggling ever since Cas met the man. He tried for so long to hide it but to no avail. Everyone knew. Except Dean himself, of course. He never picked up that maybe, just maybe, there’s a reason Cas always responded to his calls, or that he really did understand personal space but just wanted to be close to him, to feel his warmth.
Or maybe Dean knew. And he just didn’t care. After all, in his words, angels aren’t able to love. They don’t have the equipment.
Cas opened the door to his car, slamming it shut behind him. He sat there for a moment before he finally let the tears fall. The person who’s been so influential in his life, gone. For good.
As he sat there, teardrops sliding down his cheeks, there was a knock on his window. Cas froze. Was it Dean? His heart raced for a second. Maybe he realized his mistake and came to apologize! He glanced quickly to the window, eyes filled with hope.
“...Cas?” Sam said, awkwardly looking at him. He attempted a smile but it came out more like a grimace. “Buddy?”
Cas gathered his face into a stoic look and rolled down the window. He sighed. “Yes, Sam?”
“So... Dean. He, he... said some things-“ Cas raised a hand to cut Sam off.
“Sam, I have no interest in discussing your brother. And I’m very aware he has no interest in discussing anything with me.”
Sam scratched his neck. “You see, Cas, Dean.. he’s bad with words. I know he cares about you, he didn’t mean what he said, he’s been through a lot lately.”
Cas squinted. “I don’t want to discuss this with you. If Dean is as regretful as you claim, then why isn’t he here?”
Sam was silent, then let out a sigh. “Look, Cas, we need you buddy. You’re our friend, part of our family. I don’t want you to go.”
Cas gave a weak smile. “Thank you, Sam. You’re my friend too. I just can’t stay. I can’t do it. Just... give me a call if you need any help with hunts or anything. Preferably without your brother present.”
“Of course, Cas. And I hope you’ll be back soon, okay? Our door is always open.”
Cas nodded and rolled up the window. Sam walked back towards the bunker and gave a slight wave as Cas drove off. He could faintly hear the sounds of Led Zeppelin playing from a certain mixtape as the car drove away.