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Salt air, and the rust on your door, I never needed anything more
Kagami was in love. Utterly, truly in love. Adrien Agreste was hers, and she was his, and she loved him- she was happy. She loved the messed up hair, the musky cologne, the Cheshire grin. She didn’t know anything could be this beautiful- she loved it all.
But I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time.
She was so, so happy. So why did the fates have to be so cruel? Why did the summer months have to slip away from her like sand between her fingers? She hadn’t known she was on a timer- she hadn’t known their time was running out.
Time, time was all it was, wasn’t it? It was always about time. He’d run out on her before, and she’d known he didn’t have that many photoshoots. He’d asked her to meet up in secret hours, minutes that they stole from the rest of the world with a vengeance. She’d loved the magic of it, the secrets, the mystery- it was something new, something different, something her mother would’ve never approved of.
Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you.
She should’ve known. She had given him her everything; her time, her love, her affection, her stories, her summer. She should’ve realized it would never be enough; for the great Adrien Agreste, she would never be enough.
It was supposed to be perfect. That’s what she had expected, what she’d been trained for, that’s what she had been told. That’s what she had wanted.
'Cause you were never mine…
But it wasn’t perfect, was it? She had thought she had true love. She hadn’t believed in it before she had met Adrien, thinking it was just another folklore fable- but then there was him. Him, with his incredible brain and high status and fencing. Him, with his tousled gold hair and laughing green eyes and crooked smile that only appeared if he was really, truly happy. Him, with his kindness and his softspoken words and his spontaneity. Him, with his warm lips and smooth hands and hungry kisses.
And then there was them. Him and her, on perfect summer nights, framed by burning sunsets, their hands holding one another as if they were puzzle pieces seeking their fit. Him and her, running from bodyguards and schedules and life and escaping. She was his escape.
Nothing more.
Even then- though she hadn’t wanted to admit it- she’d known it was the truth. Their kisses were half empty, their meetings infrequent. He didn’t parry her attacks, and when her emotional sabre was worn out, tired, he wasn’t there to catch it- only to apologize. His eyes didn’t alight with a fire when he looked at her- his eyes smiled, but that was it.
Back when we were still changin' for the better… Wanting was enough.
She realized it now. She saw the way he looked at Marinette, as if she’d hung the stars in the sky only for him to enjoy. She felt how his kisses didn’t linger and she could feel him slip away with each falling leaf of August. He was leaving her, dancing away under canopies of birdsong and flowers- he was leaving her for Marinette.
He didn’t know it, though. That was the worst part. She’d truly believed that they were each other’s and each other’s only because he had believed it, but how could she have fallen for someone so blind as to not see the gaping hole in his own heart? She should’ve realized that he'd never see the hole in hers, either.
For me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all…
She had been okay with it at first. Their relationship was wondrous if not broken, lovely if not loveless. She was okay with hoping that he’d dance back towards her, find his way through the maze of his heart to join hands with her. She could live with the half-relationship so long as she had hope that he’d come back.
She was done with her own naivety. She saw it, now, plainly, and there was no use in denying it anymore. The boy she had given her everything to her didn’t love her.
It felt like she was losing part of herself.
So much for summer love and saying "us", ‘cause you weren't mine to lose…
She hadn’t expected it to be this painful. He was never hers, really, but that didn’t lessen the pain. They’d been so good together. It had felt so good , and she had never felt as alive as she did with Adrien. But could she really say she was losing him?
He had always been Marinette’s.
In that moment, she hated the bright-eyed girl. She knew it was irrational, and that it wasn’t Marinette’s fault that her boyfriend loved her- but still. She hated her.
But I can see us lost in the memory, August slipped away into a moment in time…
But did she really want to live her life as second best? Could she?
No, she couldn’t. She’d never be able to- she’d lose herself to the competition, and she realized this was one she couldn’t win. But, for that summer… she had hoped.
Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all….
Was that too foolish of her?