Chapter Text
After the last show of the school musical, the audience had all filtered out and the auditorium was mostly empty. The cast were getting hyped for their after party and the stage was slowly being cleaned by teachers and the students not cool enough to join the fun. Logan Thomas was one of them. He was in the wings sweeping on the floor with a dustpan and brush when whose feet should come into view but Roman Sanders. Logan recognised the black dress shoes Roman had been wearing for his whole performance of Into the Woods. He stood up quickly, trying to compose himself to be completely unflushed and neutral in Roman’s presence. He was better at this at some times more than others. Just now was particularly tricky, considering Roman was still in his prince costume, white with a red sash and gold trim details. It looked so good on him Logan thought he should wear it every day. He was grinning, eyes sparkling and he was buzzing with excitement after finishing his last performance.
“Did you see me out there?” Roman asked.
“Who do you think was controlling the light on you, I had to be looking at you.” Logan answered, making his words as flat as possible. Roman rolled his eyes good naturedly.
“Come on, you loved it.”
“I don’t have any strong feelings for theatre. I’m here to fill out a quota in my extracurriculars, colleges don’t like it if it looks like all you care about is schoolwork.”
“But that is all you care about, right Bill Nye?”
“No…” Logan looked around. Roman was here with him, rather than with all his loud, popular friends who would no doubt be going berserk right now. Getting ready to make a ton of reckless teenage memories that would become funny stories to tell at reunions years later. “What are you doing back here anyway, did you forget something?”
“Not really I just…” Roman for once looked lost for words. Making an effort to construct his next sentences carefully. “Wanted to talk to you and say… I’ve really liked hanging out with you while we worked on this show. I hate to think that the show ending will mean I never get to talk to you again.”
“I don’t exactly fit in with your other friends.”
“Those guys are idiots, I’ve been stuck with them since middle school but we’ll graduate soon and maybe… I won’t have to keep acting anymore.” Roman met Logan’s eyes. “You know what I mean. You remember what I said in the lighting room…”
Logan nodded. “Are you saying you might come out?”
“What are new starts for?” Roman said with a small smile. “Logan, I can’t ignore my heart any more.”
“As long as you’re sure, then I’m happy for you. You deserve to be yourself Roman. And the world deserves to see the real you, because he’s pretty amazing.” Logan felt himself slipping into the lovestruck fool he could sometimes be around Roman. Gazing at him when they sat on the edge of the stage together, blushing whenever he made prolonged eye contact, getting goose bumps when their hands brushed against each other. Logan hated feeling that way. It was out of control, unpredictable, heart-breaking. Because even when Roman revealed to Logan in confidence that he was also gay, it didn’t mean that Logan was any closer to a chance of being with him. Roman would want someone handsome and charming, someone with a big personality to match his. Logan wasn’t nearly special enough, so he should really just forget these feelings before he gets even more-
Logan blinked wondering when in his reel of self deprecating thoughts Roman had gotten so close to him. His face was inches away, Logan could hear his quiet breathing. Logan’s eyes risked a glance at his lips.
“Logan.” He heard his own name and never thought it sounded so beautiful. Roman reached out and touched Logan’s face. Logan’s breath caught. They moved together in the same moment and collided. Logan got lost in the kiss, indulging in his weakness. He held onto Roman’s waist and pulled him closer, Roman was putting his arms around his neck and brushing his hair with light, adoring fingertips. They parted slowly, exchanging looks of ‘what the hell was that’ in the best way possible.
“Sanders!” One of Roman’s friends was calling from the corridor, they were going around in a group looking for him. Roman took his hands off Logan and stepped away, smiling awkwardly.
“I- uh-” Logan stuttered. “I’ll see you on Monday?”
Roman laughed “You’re cute.” Logan blushed wondering if this was an elaborate end of year prank being played on him.
“Sanders! There you are! Come on we’re going to the after party and getting drunk as hell!” Roman’s friend called into the room for him. Logan looked at him, expecting this to be the moment where he would leave and they’d never speak of this again.
“No thanks, I’m not in the party mood. Go on and have fun without me.” Roman said, glancing at Logan with a small smile.
“Really? Alright then- he said he’s not coming!” The boy ran off to rejoin the chaos and Logan stared at Roman in disbelief.
“So... wanna get out of here?” Roman asked.
Several years later at the final performance of a different show, Logan was the first to get up in the standing ovation. He clapped along with the audience but when Roman came up to take his bow he whistled and Roman looked over him grinning. Logan smiled back at him, full of pride and he could communicate it with just one look. Roman looked back up and around the cheering crowd before stepping away with a spring in his step. Logan clapped until everyone had bowed and the curtains closed. He shuffled out of his row of seats and went off to the backstage to find his boyfriend.
Roman came to the door he’d told Logan to meet him at and kissed him upon seeing him, not caring there were women queuing for the restrooms not far away.
“You were incredible as always.” Logan said.
“I know.” Roman smirked. “Thank you for coming to see my last show.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Come meet the rest of the cast!” Roman took Logan’s hand and led him backstage. Logan let himself be paraded around being introduced to the cast and crew, them all saying that they’d heard so much about him already from Roman. He smiled and laughed with them all, sharing anecdotes about the person they had in common who they all adored.
“Are you coming to the after party?” One of them asked.
“Oh- I think so. We are, right?” Logan looked over at Roman.
“We can for a bit, I’m a little tired myself for staying out too long.” Roman said. Roman led Logan into his dressing room and they closed the door on the noise outside. Logan snorted in laughter suddenly.
“What?” Roman asked.
“Nothing- ...after party.” Logan said and Roman laughed.
“Oh gosh you’re right. Now that was one incredible after party.”
“We never went…?”
“Yeah, but we had a sort of after party just the two of us in my room that night.”
“Oh that one,” Logan chuckled “Yeah, that was okay.”
“Hey!” Roman pushed his shoulder playfully. “I’ll have you know that was some of my best work.”
“You’re making it sound like we did more than make out and lie on your bed talking about our feelings.”
“Whatever else could I possibly be referring to?” Roman mock-gasped. “Logan has a dirty mind.”
“Do you ever stop?” Logan rolled his eyes while still smiling affectionately.
“Nope. You’re stuck with me now, deal with it.” Roman grinned and leaned in to kiss him. Logan wondered if the day would ever come when kissing Roman didn’t feel like those exaggerated, unrealistic romantic comedies. Because as much as he might mock them when Roman put them on Logan believed he was one of the few people lucky enough to experience the dreamy haze of movie love. Maybe it’s because they’d been in the honeymoon phase since high school, maybe it’s because Roman acted like he was the lead of an early 2000s chick flick constantly and that made Logan the dorky love interest. Logan knew he made people sick with how in love he was and he really didn’t care.
"Screw the party, I just wanna go home and fall asleep in front of the tv…" Roman said sleepily.
"Whatever happened to my boyfriend, the spontaneous party animal who dragged me out of my room almost every weekend in college?"
"He's old now. And boring."
"You could never be that. You've been putting your all into every performance this week and you're exhausted. Come on, let's get you home."
The two of them went out to the car, Logan got in the driver's side and watched Roman get him beside him, giving him a soft smile.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah… I'll miss this show. And of course this means I'm unemployed until I find my next one."
"You don't have to worry about that now. We'll be fine. I'm proud of you Roman, you knew what you wanted to do and you pursued it."
"Thank you... following your dreams can still be scary."
"But if anyone can do it it's you. Believe me I was sceptical at first that you could make acting your career but you definitely proved me wrong. This once I'm not afraid to say it."
"Aha he admits it! Can you say that again so I can record it and bring it up in future conversations? Go on, say 'I was wrong.'"
"Shut up." Logan smiled and pulled the car out of the parking lot.
They drove through the streets, Roman put the radio on and Logan cruised around instead of going directly back to their apartment. "Hey, do you want to go up to the hill?" Logan asked.
"Oh- yeah, that's such a nice spot." Roman looked over at Logan with a twinkle in his eye. Watching him take them up the hill and park. They got out and sat on the bench to see the view. Roman looked out over the city, the lights illuminating it like a reflection of the starry sky. His heart fluttered as many things came into convenient place in his mind. The last night of his show, just like the last night of his high school show was when they kissed for the first time. The hill, where they'd spent their first night when they moved to the city, lying under the stars and talking about their future. And the way Logan had been looking at him all night. For Roman it could only one thing. He looked down at his hand and pictured the ring he'd been looking at online. He hoped Logan had been picking up his hints, he hadn't exactly been leaving those tabs open on his computer by accident.
"Roman." Logan said and Roman looked up at him smiling.
"Yes, mhm- what is it?" He tried to prepare himself for the most important moment of his life.
"What are you thinking about, you keep drifting off."
"Oh nothing… just how far we've come. And how much I love you."
"I love you too." Logan smiled and went back to looking out at the city. Roman's face fell, this wasn't right. Logan was being completely calm, there was no way he wouldn't have any pre-proposal jitters.
"And we've come so far but I'm really excited about our future too.."
"Sure, me too." Logan said, and Roman frowned.
"Like, for instance where do you see us in ten years?"
"Is this a job interview?"
"I guess I'm just realising how stagnant we are."
"What are you talking about?" Now Logan was starting to look worried, but not the kind Roman had been looking for.
"I mean have we really moved forward since college? It's like we're in this happy little love bubble but nothing changes, it can't be like this forever."
"Roman we live together. Our schedules revolve around each other- and we've had such a nice evening I don't understand where this is coming from."
"Sometimes I wish you understood… I wish I didn't have to explain everything to you so this time I won't. You can figure it out yourself." Roman got up, pretending to yawn. "Boy, I really am tired. Shall we go?" Roman got into the car. Logan shook his head, going over every moment that night searching for what he did wrong. Even after all these years he could be completely confused as to what was going on in Roman's mind. He went over to the car and opened the door.
"I'm sorry." He said. Roman was looking out the window.
"You don't know what you're apologising for."
"I know but, I'm sorry that I'm missing something here."
"It's not your fault, you're not a mind reader. I just don't want to talk about it tonight, is that okay?"
"Of course." Logan got in and started to drive them home. The city lights flew by and the atmosphere had shifted. Like the forces in their lives were tensing before they would shift and change forever.