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Gintoki wakes up to the sound of rustling fabric as he notes that the space next to him on the futon is no longer occupied.
“Why do you always have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn?” he groans, as he gathers more of the blanket towards him in an attempt to replenish some of the lost warmth.
“Unlike you, some of us actually have jobs,” Hijikata replies without missing a beat.
“The sun isn’t even up yet! It’s just plain cruel to ask people to wake up this early!”
“Well, no one asked you to wake up. Go back to sleep, idiot.”
“But now it’s cold,” he whines. “Gin-san will freeze to death!”
“Then get a job and pay for better heating.”
“Tch. Heartless bastard,” Gin mutters as he hears the door close behind Hijikata.
It’s not the first time Hijikata has stayed over, but each time without fail, he wakes up before sunrise and makes his way back to the Shinsengumi barracks and each time without fail, Gintoki tries to convince him not to go.
Of course, he knows his efforts are futile, but he keeps doing it anyway, stupidly hoping for a different response. Is that the definition of insanity? Yeah, maybe. But Gintoki can’t help it. There’s something about Hijikata that really does drive him insane.
He pulls the blankets even tighter, wrapping himself in a cocoon, but it’s not the same. Even a hundred layers of blankets wouldn’t be enough because what his skin desperately craves isn’t really warmth. It’s an ache that can only be soothed by the touch of one specific mayo-loving idiot, a touch that often sends sparks through his fingertips and heat to his cheeks (amongst other areas).
With a sigh, he pulls himself out of bed to dig around their mess of a fridge for something edible, though he knows if there was anything, Kagura probably would’ve already gotten to it by now. The fridge, at first glance, is packed, but a closer inspection reveals, as he expected, that it’s only filled with expired food and empty cartons that he’s been too lazy to throw out.
Slamming the refrigerator door shut, Gintoki drags himself to the couch to see what shows are on, though he knows there can’t be anything particularly good playing at fucking five-o-clock in the morning.
The house is quiet even with the sound of the TV softly playing some random boring news show, which unfortunately doesn’t feature Ketsuno Ana, and it’ll probably stay that way for a while since Kagura isn’t likely to wake up for many more hours.
One would think that after getting into a relationship, he’d be spending fewer mornings alone, but instead, Gintoki feels lonelier than ever.
The thing about his and Hijikata’s relationship—if he can even call it that, considering they’ve never put a proper label on it—is that they really don’t fit together.
An early bird and a night owl. A lazy bum and a workaholic. A mayo-addict and a sweet tooth. The Shinsengumi vice-chief and the Shiroyasha.
They don’t make sense. It shouldn’t work. Gintoki knows their conflicting lifestyles can’t realistically fit into each other. Forget glorified romance stories where two people fit together like puzzle pieces because the two of them are nothing like that.
And yet, some part of Gintoki wishes they were.
Gintoki would much rather be at home than in the middle of a snowstorm, but the kids had insisted on playing in the snow right that second. He wanted to resist, but they had attacked him with puppy eyes that would put even Sadaharu to shame. So here he is, freezing his ass off.
A lazy smile stretches across his face, watching from afar as Kagura and Shinpachi work on their respective snow sculptures and this time, there are no questionably shaped Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannons anywhere in sight.
Suddenly, he catches whiff of a familiar scent and sees a wisp of smoke blow across his field of vision. He turns to check if his suspicions are right and is met with the sight of Hijikata walking towards him.
“Oh? What’s this? Slacking off on the job?”
“I’m not you,” Hijikata says with a roll of his eyes. “I just finished patrolling.”
“Wanna come over later?”
“I still have work to do.”
“Tch, Edo’s not gonna fall apart if you push off your work for one day.”
“That’s easy to say for someone who doesn’t even pay his rent or properly compensate his employees.”
“Hey! That’s not true,” he protests, looking over to where the kids are still playing in the snow. “Kagura! Patsuan! Tell this stupid police officer that Gin-san is a fine, upstanding adult!”
Shinpachi looks up from his snow sculpture of Otsuu-chan with a glare. “Gin-san, I don’t remember receiving a single paycheck from you.”
“Gin-chan doesn’t feed me properly!” Kagura adds unhelpfully.
Hijikata smirks. “Maybe I should call child services on you.”
“Oi, there’s no need to go that far. Besides, have you seen how much that girl eats? She’s not a child, she’s more like a monster with a stomach like that. It’s no wonder I don’t have enough money for rent.”
“Maybe I’d believe you if you didn’t show up at the pachinko parlor as often.”
“You must be mistaken, Hijikata-kun. Gin-san would never do something so irresponsible. Maybe you mistook someone else for me.”
“No one else in Edo has hair as stupid as you.”
“That’s just rude,” Gintoki scoffs. “At least my hair isn’t shaped like a letter in the alphabet.”
Gintoki expects a retort, but instead he’s met with silence and he looks over at Hijikata questioningly.
“I should get going,” he finally says. “There's a lot of paperwork waiting for me.”
“So eager to get away from me, Hijikata-kun? I’m hurt,” Gintoki jokes. Still, there’s just the slightest bit of truth behind his words.
“I can’t have your laziness rubbing off on me if I stick around too long,” Hijikata says before pausing for a moment, the look on his face almost sad. “Besides, you seem to have your hands full today.”
Before Gintoki can ask what he means by that, he’s hit in the face with two snowballs and upon shaking the snow off, sees Kagura and Shinpachi hurdling towards him. He finds himself preoccupied with an intense snowball fight, leaving him no time to consider Hijikata’s sudden departure.
While Gintoki hadn’t originally planned on eating dinner with Hijikata, when he spots the him outside the restaurant, he’s quick to extend an invitation.
“If it isn’t Hijikata-kun,” he greets, walking towards the officer who appears to be taking a smoke break. “Just who I wanted to see.”
Hijikata spares him a brief glance before taking the cigarette from his lips with a sigh. “What do you want, Yorozuya?”
“You could act a little happier to see me, you know?”
“And why would I do that?”
“Because if you’re nice enough, then maybe I’ll pay for dinner today.”
“As if you can afford it,” Hijikata replies with a roll of his eyes. Still, he does nothing to refute the idea of dining together, so Gintoki considers it a win.
Soon, they find themselves seated in their usual place with their meals topped with mayonnaise and azuki respectively. The restaurant owner has learned it’s best to position them in the corner, as far away from other patrons as possible, so that their bizarre choice of menus and loud arguments don’t scare anyone away.
Still, there’s something different about the air between them today and they fall into a comfortable silence as they eat, a stark contrast to their usual screaming matches. It seems that they’re always either at each other’s throats with insults or not exchanging a single word, with little room for anything in between.
But Gintoki has something he needs to tell Hijikata and decides it’s time to break the silence. What he doesn’t expect is that he’s not alone in this decision.
“I’m going out of town the day after tomorrow,” Gintoki announces at the same time that Hijikata tells him, “I have the day after tomorrow off work.”
They stare at each other in surprise for a moment as they take in the other’s words.
“We got called for a job in a nearby city. I might not be back for a few days,” Gintoki continues.
If Hijikata is disappointed by the news, he doesn’t make it obvious. Instead, he says, “Finally. I was starting to worry you’d be unemployed forever.”
“Stop trying to act like you care. I’m onto you, Hijikata-kun. I know you’re just after my taxes.”
Hijikata doesn’t even offer him a proper response, a scoff being the only indication that he had heard him, and with that, they fall back into silence.
They don’t voice the frustration that arises from yet another instance of mismatching schedules. They don’t voice the concern that it probably shouldn’t be this much of a struggle for two people in a relationship to plan to meet up. They don’t voice the worry that neither of their lives seem to have space for the other.
If Hijikata notices how Gintoki drinks a little more than usual, he doesn’t say anything. He’s silent as he helps support the perm-head as he stumbles out of the restaurant and leads him all the way to his home. He even helps Gintoki into bed, but leaves without a word all the same.
Gintoki doesn’t say anything either. Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about it. In fact, he thinks about it a lot.
Even with his senses muddled from the alcohol, Gintoki finds that the one thing he wanted to escape from the most still plagues his mind with overwhelming clarity. He just can’t seem to shake the fear that this relationship simply isn’t meant to last.
It’s not for another week after Gintoki returns from his job that he finally gets to see Hijikata again. They’ve never been good at keeping up contact, only spending time together when they happen to cross paths around the streets of Edo.
Though he’ll deny it when the kids question him, Gintoki has been finding more reasons to leave the house recently. As much as he tries to cover it up by saying that he’s off to the pachinko parlor or is only going out to pick up the latest issue of Jump, Kagura and Shinpachi aren’t so easily fooled. Gintoki still won’t admit it aloud, but it’s clear as day to all of them that any excuse to roam the streets of Edo is really just in hopes of running into a certain mayo addict.
But despite his more frequent excursions into town, luck doesn’t seem to be on Gintoki’s side. After many days of pointless wandering along what he’s learned to be the Shinsengumi’s normal patrol route, Gintoki starts to wonder if this is yet another sign from the universe that they’re just not meant to meet. Of course, this could easily be solved with a quick visit to the Shinsengumi barracks or even just a simple phone call, but that’s not how their relationship has ever worked and both of them are too stubborn to be the one to change that.
It’s his seventh supposed trip to the pachinko parlor, though Shinpachi definitely would’ve stopped him if he actually believed that was where he’s been going all week, and Gintoki is just about ready to give up hope when he’s greeted with the familiar scent of cigarette smoke.
“Yo,” Hijikata greets coolly.
It makes Gintoki bristle how casual he is. It’s not like he expected Hijikata to run into his arms like some cliché reunion in a romcom, but he thinks he should at least get more than just a “yo.” Was he the only one who had stupidly been dying to see Hijikata all this time?
“Who are you again? Was it Oogushi-kun?”
“Oi, that joke’s getting old.”
“Ah, my bad, Hijikata-kun,” Gintoki says, voice dripping with a venom he didn’t even know was there. “It’s just been so long since I’ve seen you that I nearly forgot about you.”
To be honest, Gintoki doesn’t know why he’s directing his frustration at Hijikata when it’s not really his fault. He knows he’s being unreasonable, but it seems like he’s no longer in control of his pent up emotions.
It seems to be effective though because guilt flashes across Hijikata’s features. “Sorry, there have been a lot of incidents lately, so I’ve been pretty busy.”
“I guess it can’t be helped, then. It must be hard work being the Shinsengumi vice-commander,” he says with a bitter smile.
Gintoki turns to walk away without so much as a glance back. A small part of him waits for Hijikata to call out for him, to stop him from leaving.
He doesn’t.
Gintoki knows he shouldn’t have expected such a thing and that Hijikata doesn’t owe him anything of the sort. In truth, he had regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth and regretted walking away as soon as he took the first step, but he just couldn’t bring himself to take any of it back.
When he gets home, he plops himself on the couch and buries his head in the nearest cushion with no plans to move for the foreseeable future.
Kagura drops in to tell him Soyo invited her over for a sleepover tonight to which he only grunts in response. She pokes him a few times in order to elicit some sort of reaction to make sure he’s not dying, but otherwise doesn’t push him.
Again, he hides everything under the guise of pachinko, but it’s become abundantly clear that there’s only one thing—well, person—that can cause Gintoki to get like this. Kagura knows by now that there’s not much she can do, so with one last poke, she leaves him be with an order not to actually die before she gets home.
Gintoki really doesn’t plan to move for the rest of the night, so he’s annoyed when there’s an incessant knocking at his door.
“If this is about the rent, I don’t have it!” he shouts, too lazy to come up with an excuse and figuring it’s useless lying about it.
“Just let me in, you useless bastard.”
The reply catches Gintoki off guard. It’s the last voice he would ever have expected to hear, but he would never mistake it. He practically trips over himself as he scrambles to open the door, revealing none other than the Shinsengumi vice-commander.
“Aren’t you gonna let me in?” Hijikata asks impatiently and only then does Gintoki realize he’s been staring.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” He steps aside to let Hijikata in, noticing that he’s carrying a few bags with him. “I thought you were busy.”
“Yeah, but not too busy to eat dinner,” he says as he makes his way over to the table and wordlessly taking out the contents of the bags. Before Gintoki can even process what’s happening, the table is filled with a wide assortment of foods, including his favorite dango.
“What’s all this for?”
“Happened to see it on my way here and figured you’d have no food, so I bought some.”
Gintoki knows that’s a lie because this particular dango stand is in the opposite direction of the Shinsengumi barracks, but he opts not to call him out for it, silently appreciating the gesture instead.
There’s a lot they should probably say to each other, but as always, they struggle to say the things that matter the most. They talk about work and all the recent incidents that have been popping up over Edo. They bicker about the most pointless of topics. And yet, never once do they mention the elephant in the room, the strange air that’s been lingering between them recently.
“I should get going,” Hijikata announces shortly after they’re done eating.
Gintoki can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. He can barely remember the last time they’ve been able to properly spend time together and he doesn’t know when the next time will be either.
“Yah, at least take your stupid mayo with you!” Gin shouts as Hijikata gets up to leave.
“Just hold onto it for me,” Hijikata says. “I’ll need it the next time I come over anyway.”
The mere implication of a “next time” shouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, but it makes Gintoki inexplicably happy nonetheless.
“Oh, there’s no space in the fridge though.”
“Yah, you can’t expect me to believe that. You’re always complaining that you’re so broke you can’t afford food and that even when you do buy stuff, China eats all of it in seconds,” Hijikata argues, walking over to the fridge to check for himself.
“I said it was full, not that it was full of things that were edible.”
“What the fuck would you keep in your fridge that isn’t—what is all this crap?!”
“Most of it’s probably empty or expired.”
“Then throw it out for fuck's sake!”
“I’ve been trying to! I have to do it right before trash day or else it’ll just sit around and stink up the place, but I always forget the day before.”
“You’re useless,” Hijikata sighs, digging out a trash bag from the cupboards and taking it upon himself to start getting rid of the mess in the fridge. “This is from over a year ago, how the fuck did you let it just sit here and rot all this time?”
“Oi! You can’t just come into people’s homes and start insulting them!”
“I’m helping you, you ungrateful bastard,” he yells, turning toward Gintoki and threatening to throw whatever’s currently in his hand out of anger.
Not wanting to find out firsthand the contents of that container, Gintoki raises his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry! Gin-san is very grateful!”
“Tch.” Hijikata doesn’t acknowledge his response, instead choosing to resume his work on the fridge, inspecting item after item before inevitably tossing it into the trash bag.
“Ah, but Hijikata-kun, next time you feel like coming over to help Gin-san clean, how about putting on a maid outfit?”
Gintoki smirks as Hijikata splutters and a lovely shade of pink crawls up his cheeks. It’s adorable. So adorable, in fact, that it somehow distracts Gintoki from the object being hurled straight at him.
“Ow!” he shouts as the mayo bottle from earlier hits him right in the face.
“Serves you right,” Hijikata says, avoiding Gintoki’s gaze and trying to hide the remaining blush on his face. Again, it’s so adorable that it successfully distracts Gintoki from the pain inflicted by the cursed mayo bottle.
Hijikata reaches for another container to take out when he suddenly pauses. “Wait, there’s already mayo in here,” he notes with confusion.
“Oh, I forgot I bought that. It’s not expired, I promise!” He had gotten it not long after the first time Hijikata had stayed the night, but had struggled to find space for it, causing it to be pushed towards the back of the fridge and completely forgotten.
“Yorozuya, you—” Hijikata turns to stare at him, eyes wide. “Have you finally discovered the deliciousness of mayonnaise?”
Gintoki stills, trying to wrap his mind around how Hijikata had even come to that conclusion before bursting into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. At Hijikata’s questioning look, he manages to calm down and catch his breath. “No, I obviously bought it for you, idiot.”
“Oh.” Hijikata goes silent, expression blank and unreadable.
The silence lasts long enough for Gintoki to start to worry if he’s upset. Is Hijikata actually disappointed by that? Sure, the man takes his mayonnaise very seriously, but is he really that distraught to learn that Gintoki did not in fact suddenly discover a love for the condiment? Did he really think it was possible that he would?
Preoccupied by these senseless questions, Gintoki doesn’t even notice when Hijikata abandons the fridge to make his way over to where he’s seated.
“Thank you,” he says, not letting Gintoki get a single word in before he wraps his arms around him and captures his lips in a passionate kiss. Despite being caught off guard and a little confused at what exactly prompted this reaction, Gintoki kisses back fervently, pulling Hijikata even more securely into his embrace.
Gintoki can’t help but think that Hijikata fits perfectly in his arms.
He thinks that maybe this whole relationship thing doesn't have to be as complicated as he made it out to be.
He thinks that it’s okay for them to have opposite schedules as long as they make the most out of the moments they do spend together.
More than anything, he thinks that if all it takes for Hijikata to drop whatever he’s doing and kiss him silly is a bottle of mayonnaise, then he’s definitely gonna have to make more room in the fridge.