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She was a simple girl who was once called pretty in her previous school due to her simple, barefaced looks. Growing up with a single mother who worked day to night to meet the demands of the bills, she was never taught how to take care of herself. So she had to get by on her own. Cooking, washing, cleaning. She made sure to make herself useful to her mother.
When her mother died, she wasn’t really sure what to do. She had the option to live with a distant relative in the Miyagi Prefecture or live alone. Orphaned at age 15. It wasn’t really a choice.
She entered Karasuno High school with the sole goal to graduate and earn enough credits to get into a good school and make sure to make her mother proud from the other side. What she didn’t expect was to fall in love with one Kakeru Gotou.
Gotou was a member of the basketball club and was hard-working. He was kind of famous at school, too. Everyone in their class was always surrounding him. It was like being a moth to a flame. She got too attracted. What she didn’t expect was that Gotou would return her feelings.
As she started to pick up the pieces of her life and began to finally, actually enjoy her teenage years Making friends, being a relationship, even staying out at night. It might have taken her some time to adjust, but she was still just a sophomore. She had a lot of time.
She became the manager of the basketball club and became friends with the basketball and volleyball team. After all, they shared the gymnasium often. They usually shared coolers for the club members, and these days weren’t an exception.
“Suzumoto-san?”
It was the vice-captain of the volleyball club and a senpai. She held tightly onto the cooler she was carrying for fear of dropping it due to being startled.
“O-toh,” the gray-haired guy also caught her body and steadied her balance by letting her body lean into his and holding the cooler together with her.
“Sugawara-senpai,” she called out his name, acknowledging his presence.
“Need help?”
Remembering how Kakeru had been angry at her the last time a different guy was touching her, she relented.
“I,” she bit her lip, struggling to carry the load all by herself as Sugawara-senpai momentarily let go. “Whoa-” she felt his body move away from her and in an instant, he was in front of her carrying the load to himself. “Senpai!”
“You obviously need help, so let me.” The way the volleyball player smiled made her heart flutter, but she killed that butterfly as soon as she caught it. She can’t afford another bruise on her body right now. The annual physical for the school was coming up, and it would be hard to hide a fresh bruise when her bruises from her beating last week had just started healing.
“Thank you,” she muttered under her breath as they walked together to the gymnasium. There was no response from the male, so she assumed her voice wasn’t loud enough. Here she thought she was better at speaking to other people now. She was wrong apparently.
They walked in sync, side by side, in comfortable silence. It’s been so long since she felt this comfortable with someone. Since the start of her relationship with Kakeru. Before Kakeru- she shook her head not wanting to remember that first slap.
As they neared their destination, the sounds of shouts and balls hitting were heard.
“I,” she moved forward and blocked Sugawara-senpai’s view. “I can handle it from here,” she smiled, hoping that it was enough for him to understand that she needed to bring the cooler to the gym alone.
The upperclassman seemed to get it and smiled back lightly. “Alright.” The look on the volleyball player’s face was, it was hard to choose the proper word, but the first thing that came to mind was pretty.
Looking to the ground to hide her blushing face she walked away with the cooler. Before she could turn to enter the gym, the loud. “And you’re welcome,” from the gray-haired senpai once again made her heart skip.
~~
The volleyball team had just lost a practice match with a big school called Aoba Johsai. It was just a practice match, but as the manager of a competitive sports team in the prefecture, she understood just how badly it must have felt like.
Kakeru was a starting member of the basketball team so whenever they lost, he lost his cool, too. It was a scary experience. Their upperclassmen, especially the team captain and vice-captain, are always the ones to comfort their fellow members. Despite that, they are the ones who she knows are the most frustrated.
She owed a lot to the team, especially their upperclassmen, so she keeps their secret of crying alone in the locker rooms during those times they say that they’ll practice more in the night. They’ve always been nice to her, despite only being the manager. She wanted to at least repay them.
This wasn’t about the basketball team though, but the volleyball team, so upon seeing the upset members, she left two boxes of chocolate chip cookies in front of their locker room and hid in the next clubroom to wait for it to be received by the appropriate people.
Sugawara-senpai found it. She still hasn’t forgotten the time he helped her with the cooler a few weeks ago. The gray-haired senpai had always been nice to her, and especially so after that day. Her heart thumped once more, but she knew she had to stop it lest she suffers another beating.
~~
Her extended family visited her grandmother, who was nice enough to make sure she was part of the gathering, too. The prickly stares of her other family members had always hurt. Her grandmother didn’t seem to notice it though.
A cousin of hers of the same age was there, too. Pretty, and knows how to use makeup properly. Unlike her and her plain self.
Her phone vibrated revealing a message from Kakeru. Messages from Kakeru can never be ignored. Her heart ached. She didn’t want to go, but if she didn’t, the repercussions were serious.
She excused herself for a few hours in the context of buying stuff in a convenience store. Her family seemed to see this as normal, her grandmother, especially so.
“Take your cousin with you,” the request left no room to argue. She had no right anyway.
She walked with her pretty cousin, and she excused herself for a few moments before going to meet Kakeru quickly. If she explained quickly and thoroughly, it should be fine, right?
Kakeru was waiting at the entrance of the park. Not where he usually waits, so she was sure he saw her cousin. Kakeru moved forward and asked her to introduce him to her cousin.
“I’m her classmate,” he introduces himself.
Pain coursed through her body and tears were threatening to fall, but with that relief. With this, was she finally free? She struggled to breathe.
Kakeru was obviously flirting with her cousin. Her feelings of betrayal and anger mixed with a tinge of happiness was hard to describe. There was guilt, too, and she wanted to atone for that by making sure Kakeru doesn’t end up with her cousin.
~~
Kakeru began to ask her via message about her cousin. She couldn’t respond, after all, he already got her number, didn’t he?
Despite what he had done, and what he was doing to her right now, she had the feeling of wanting to help. She wonders if it was the remaining love she had for him. Despite all the pain he’s caused behind doors, Kakeru had always been sweet to her in public. Maybe it was her fault?
A knock from her door startled her from her thoughts.
“Karin?” it was her grandmother calling her name. “A young boy is in the entrance for you.”
Scared, she tried to hide it. She can’t show it to her grandmother. Her grandmother was frail enough. She can’t be a burden. She promised to not be a burden to anyone. As her thoughts pondered the worst-case scenario, she felt a warm hand touch hers. It was her grandmother’s.
Looking at the old face, she found warmth. Like she wasn’t a disappointment. Not like how Kakeru always looked at her when they were alone. She had to face him. Silently thanking her grandmother, she walked towards the door of her room.
She prepared herself. She might be hit again, but she’ll stand up for herself. She’ll make sure of it!
Any preparation seemed to be unnecessary though.
“Good evening, Suzumoto-san.”
Looking at those hazel-brown eyes made her sigh in relief.
“Sugawara-senpai.”
~~
Her grandmother caught up with her and had invited Sugawara-senpai inside their house. Specifically inside her room.
Sitting there, the volleyball player seemed worried about her, but at the same time, he looked like he did not want to say anything that might overstep his boundaries. He apparently went over to hand over some documents for the next sports festival. They were both class representatives of their own respective classes, but apparently, Sugawara-senpai was the only one who could pass by their house to send it by today.
She momentarily forgot that she skipped an after school meeting due to their mini family gathering, though the other parties have already left that same night anyway.
“Suzumoto-san,” she tensed at the name.
“Yes?” she asked, stuttering.
“Are you okay?”
It was a silly question. One that she never thought would be asked in such a serious tone by anyone but her mother.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Before she could receive an answer, she was enveloped in a soft hug. A soft, soft hug. That was the only moment she realized that she had tears running down her face.
“Eh?” she couldn’t help but wipe the tears away, she didn’t even know she had started crying. Why was she crying anyway? What was happening? “I’m sorry.” Senpai shouldn’t be seeing her like this. She was burdening him now. And yet his hand that was rubbing her back and the other hand cradling her head was just so comforting. It was comforting and her heart was hurting.
~~
She didn’t remember much after that, but she woke up on her bed, dressed in her pajamas and her face was clear of snot and tears. Beside her was her grandmother, sleeping on the side of her bed.
Her movements must have startled the old woman awake as she opened her eyes to smile at her.
“Good morning,” it was the first good morning she has received in that house.
Her head still ached after what had happened yesterday, but she managed a smile. A genuine smile. She was happy.
~~
It was the next morning and Kakeru was waiting at their usual meeting spot. She saw him from far away and managed to hide and cross the road so as not to meet with him. Once she arrived at school, she heard whispers around her. It made her scared. Despite that, she trekked on.
The bell for first-class rang and Kakeru has just arrived, pissed off and with a bruise on his cheek. Shocked, she stared at him. His eyes diverted from her then away. It was the first time she’s seen him like this in public. Did something happen? For sure. But what?
It was lunchtime when she learned the truth. The bell rang and an announcement was made.
Sugawara Koushi has been suspended for hitting another student.
Suspended? Sugawara-senpai? For hitting another student? She looked at Kakeru once more. Was it him? Kakeru just looked away, and it confirmed all her questions. Now all that’s left in her mind was the question: Why?
~~
She didn’t have Suga-senpai’s mail, but she did have Shimizu-senpai’s, so she asked the pretty black-haired beauty for Sugawara-senpai’s number, and thankfully, the volleyball manager gave it with no questions asked.
So here she was in front of Sugawara-senpai’s house with cookies. Ringing the doorbell was nerve-wracking.
“Yes?” the intercom sounded.
“It’s,” she gulped. “It’s Suzumoto Karin from Karasuno Hi-” before she could continue, rumbling from the other end of the intercom came, then the opening of the door.
“Suzumoto-san?”
~~
They talked. Sugawara-senpai noticed her bruises and thought he didn’t have the right to call it out at first but wanted to help. He didn’t know it was from Kakeru though. It was either Kakeru or her family. After meeting her grandmother, apparently, he became sure.
Sugawara-senpai told her to treasure herself and asked her to break up with Kakeru. “The bruises were nothing to scoff at if I could see them through your uniform,” she heard him say. She teased him about peeking through her uniform, but he didn’t laugh. He seemed resolute in his statement.
“We’ve broken up.” It had never been official. They never talked about it after all. Now that she looks back, they never talked about anything much. They meet up to make out and the times Kakeru had to beat her up. She always avoided going to his house, too for fear of having to have sex with the man, but she wonders now if she should have done it to prove her love for him.
“I’m glad.”
The two words were much more relieving than she thought.
“Can I hug you?”
Why did he have to ask? He didn’t ask before? She looked up and saw the sadness and sincerity in his eyes. The latter, an emotion she’s never seen in Kakeru’s before. She couldn’t speak. She opted to nod.
The arms around her were oh-so warm and felt safe. Her heartbeat softened, as if comfortable in the presence of the older male. No fear. No anxiety.
~~
Suga felt the body grow limp in his arms and he knew Suzumoto Karin had trusted him that much. They were in his room, his clothes just thin pajamas, and a helpless girl has let herself get caught in his arms. A girl Suga himself was interested in, too. He won’t do anything though. He could never.
If he wanted to be better than whoever broke the heart of the girl he fell in love with, he had to be the better man.