Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was something completely unfair about Sundays in Edgewater Indiana. Mainly, church. Emma still went to church for a while after her parents kicked her out, but the harassment at the door and the hate speech thrown directly at her got tiring after a few months. Emma wasn’t overly religious, she certainly didn’t believe in whatever God the people of her town did, but she believed in community, and there is no place that collects and unites Edgewater’s community like the church. So she went, hoping that there was some strand of inclusion she could find despite losing everything, and was unsurprised yet deeply disappointed that she did not find it.

Emma Nolan was Edgewater’s most greatly disapproved resident, and there was nothing she could do to change that.

After 4 months of religious harassment and community-wide disapproval, Emma stopped attending church services and opted to wait for her grandmother somewhere nearby. When it wasn’t raining she would spend time in the park behind the church or the gardens across the road, and when it was she would sit in her car and listen to music until it was time to go. Sometimes she would go for long drives as she waited for church to finish, because in Indiana, it took forever. 

Alyssa found Sundays to be the hardest day of the week. Church was on Sundays, and anything could go wrong at church. She hated the clothes, the smell, the people who made her girlfriend’s live a living hell, the family who sat behind her with their horny-ass teenage son whispering in her ear all the time, and her mother’s suffocating glare as she tried to be the perfect person she was expected to be despite it all.

One Sunday in November, Alyssa was on the verge of cracking. They had been in the church for an hour already and were nowhere near finished, and Asshole McFuckface had been whispering obscene things in her ear the whole time. She stayed sitting at attention regardless, and kept looking forward, hoping to whatever God was out there that someone would save her from this hell.

10 minutes later, it was clear no one was coming. Alyssa was half a second away from a panic attack when the Hate Speech began and she couldn’t handle it anymore. Everything was too much: the breath of the guy behind her on her neck, the glances her mother sent her every time she moved, the heat from the people and the way-too-high ventilation system, the sharp sounds of the music whenever it played, the colours from a stained glass window being too bright against the harsh white walls, the top buttons of her shirt being done up making her feel suffocated. Everything was way too much way too quickly and she was struggling to breathe.

“I’m feeling faint,” she whispered to her mother who gave her a look of disapproval “I’m going out to get some air”

“Alyssa!” her mother hissed “you cannot leave during church”

Alyssa was already out of her seat and slipping through the door before she could get guilted into staying. 

It was chilly but sunny out, and she took in big breaths to calm her heart as she made her way around the building. She unbuttoned the top buttons of her blouse as she turned the corner and smiled as her eyes landed on their target. 

Emma was sitting beneath a large oak tree, leaning against the trunk with her eyes closed as she strummed mindless chords on her guitar. They had been together over a year and Alyssa didn’t doubt for a second she would always feel most at home around Emma Nolan. 

She approached the tree quickly and quietly, and moved to sit in front of the blonde. Emma opened her eyes and immediately smiled. 

“Hi,” Alyssa greeted

“Hi,” Emma replied, her smile unwavering but confusion evident on her face “I don’t mean to be, y’know, unappreciative of our time together, but what are you doing out here?” 

“I just had Carson Jackson whispering obscenities in my ear for an hour, and I felt like I was going to explode. Then Pastor Seb started hate preaching and I couldn’t breathe or think or deal y’know? So I told mom I was feeling faint and came out here”. 

Emma lay her guitar down next to her and gestured for Alyssa to join her. With practiced ease Alyssa curled into the shorter girl and lay her head on her shoulder.

“Carson Jackson can suck it, and I’m sorry he keeps making you uncomfortable. I’d offer to fight him for you but my ribs still hurt from Nick, so…” Emma trailed off and simply kissed the top of Alyssa’s head “OH. And P Swizzle can fuck off.”

Alyssa laughed at this, feeling the stress and discomfort fade as she sat in her girlfriend’s arms.

“You are so not allowed to call him P Swizzle”

“His name is Seb, Alyssa. I am doing him a service making it P Swizzle”

“Seb is short for something! It must be.”

“Yeah, Sebiath.”

“No.”

“Yeah, no joke. Gran knows everything.”

Alyssa laughed again and pressed a soft kiss to Emma’s jaw. She twisted so she was facing her

“Put it up to you to turn Sebiath into P Swizzle”

“It’s much cooler,” Emma nodded with faux seriousness.

Alyssa grinned “sure it is.”

She moved so she was straddling Emma’s lap and wrapped herself around the blonde, tucking her face into her neck again. 

“I love you,” she whispered, and she felt arms pull her closer

“I love you too.”

Alyssa leaned back and pulled Emma in for a soft kiss, a familiar comfort falling over her like a blanket. They stayed like that for a while, trading soft kisses and whispering to one another, lost in their own world. Eventually Emma pulled back to tell Alyssa she should go back inside but she was met with a desperate look.

“I really don’t want to go back in”. Emma smiled sadly, understanding written across her face, and tucked a stray curl behind her girlfriend’s ear.

“Okay then, stay out here with me.”

Alyssa seemed more than happy to do just that and pulled Emma into a sound kiss. Emma’s tongue seeked entrance and was immediately met with access, a hum falling from her lips. Alyssa let out a tiny groan and buried her hands in blonde hair. The brunette moved to press hot kisses down Emma’s neck, finding her pulse point and sucking roughly. Emma’s breath hitched and she let out a quiet moan. She pulled Alyssa back up into a searing, deeply inappropriate , kiss that caused Alyssa’s hips to roll down.

They both stopped at that, blushed deeply, and grinned. Alyssa smiled and was met with a loving, albeit very teasing , gaze.

“Bit… unholy for behind a church wouldn’t you say?” Emma teased and Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“You started it.”

“I did not! You kissed me first!”

“You deepened it!”

… “You tried to fuck me behind a church!”

“EMMA!”

They fell into a fit of laughter and Emma peppered Alyssa’s face with kisses. 

Suddenly, the sounds of townsfolk leaving the church washed over them and they spring apart, standing quickly and making sure no one had come around the back. 

“I need to go,” Alyssa said, and was met with a nod

“I know,” Emma smiled softly as her girlfriend went to walk away, paused, then spun on her heel to plant one last kiss on her lips.

“Go,” Emma whispered against the brunette's lips and watched lovingly as her girlfriend walked away. 

Emma picked up her guitar from where it was forgotten on the ground, brushed off her pants, and headed to her truck. 

The blonde hopped up into the driver's seat and watched as her beautiful girlfriend stood straight and tall, a smile just a tad too forced on her lips, and her shirt unbuttoned one too many to call Church-Ready. Emma thought she looked beautiful. She always thought she looked beautiful, and yet she was constantly surprised by how much of an affect Alyssa Grenne had on her heart. 

She watched on as Alyssa spoke to Shelby and Kaylee about… whatever, and saw the way her heart ached to just do something true. One day, they knew, they could do whatever the hell they wanted and no one could tell them otherwise. But for the time being, while Emma was healing from bruised ribs courtesy of The Football Team and Alyssa was trying not to snap under the pressure of her mother, they knew the best they could be was real with one another and hope they make it to grad.

Chapter Text

“Asshole”

“Good afternoon my love, it’s been a wonderful day thank you so much for asking, yeah I hope the rain holds off too.”

“Hi Alyssa, my darling, my love, my caring, careful, beautiful girlfriend, my favourite traitor ,” Emma sang and stood to take Alyssa’s hands and pull her in, watching as her girlfriend’s eyebrows rose.

“Traitor?” Alyssa asked “what makes me a traitor?”

Emma moved her sweater away from her shoulder and Alyssa couldn’t hide her smile.

“Oh.”

“Oh indeed.”

“Sorry”

“You’re so not sorry”

“...Would it help if I told you I love you?”

Emma laughed and shook her head, her face returning to a faux serious expression.

“I had to sit through two whole days of my gran making fun of me! I don’t even want to know how she managed to come up with half those jokes.”

The brunette’s smile widened.

“Like what?” she asked, genuinely curious what Betsy Nolan had to offer in the realm of hickey jokes.

“Like…” Emma thought through her weekend’s torments and her eyes lit up when she remembered one “You’ll see at dinner. God she’s going to be insufferable at dinner.”

Alyssa laughed fondly and wrapped her arms around Emma’s neck, pulling her close

“We have 40 minutes left of lunch,” she whispered against the blonde’s lips, smirking slightly when she felt her girlfriend’s breath hitch slightly “how about I make it up to you”

“We’re leaving 10 minutes to eat.”

“Priorities, Nolan”

“I have chocolate for you Greene so you better behave”

“Yes ma’am,” Alyssa gave a tiny solute and pulled Emma towards her by the shirt.

***

They managed to get through most of the afternoon without incident. Homework got completed, cuddles were had, kisses were traded - lots of kisses were traded- and there was only one wandering hand. 

Or maybe two.

Or.. it may have happened a few times. But they got back on track eventually. And if Alyssa had revenge hickey somewhere easily hidden…. that was no one else's business. 

At 6:00 exactly Betsy called them down for dinner. 

“Torment time,” Emma whispered as she held the door open and let Alyssa past

“Oh the horror,” she teased and headed for the stairs, not a trace of worry on her face.

Alyssa felt at home at the Nolan’s. She had since the first time she entered the house. It was welcoming, a lingering smell of cinnamon and citrus traced throughout the house from the baking that was constantly happening in the kitchen and love lined every wall in pictures and paintings and framed letters, it was heartwarming. As Alyssa had become closer with Emma she had also become closer with Betsy. The older woman was welcoming, kind, and a laugh. She offered a place to call home for both young women and never failed to accommodate them regardless of their situations. Over the year Emma and Alyssa had become friends and the year and a bit they had been dating, pictures of Alyssa had joined the ones of Emma on Betsy Nolan’s fridge door. There was a particular picture of the three of them out on the farm one day, all of them smiling widely with windswept hair, and it never failed to make Alyssa smile when she saw it. 

They sat down at the dinner table, a meal of oven baked spaghetti, garlic bread, and salad lay in front of them. The three women fell into easy conversation, talking about their days, their achievements and downfalls of the week so far, how Alyssa’s many activities were going and how she was handling it. It seemed, with no evidence to prove otherwise, that Betsy Nolan had every intention of proving her granddaughter wrong and say nothing about the hickeys Alyssa had so lovingly pressed into her girlfriend’s skin that past Sunday morning. But a lull in conversation as the three ate their meal diminished the girls' hope.

“So Alyssa,” Betsy began, hiding her smile as best she could “how are your hemoglobin levels dear?”

Alyssa turned bright red, and watched as her girlfriend tried to hide her laughter on the other side of the table.

“I’m not sure I understand the question,” Alyssa said, knowing she was spurring her on, but also knowing that the older lady would find a way regardless of her response to keep it going.

“Well,” Betsy began calmly “it seems you were determined to... remove... my granddaughter's blood the other day, I just assume it was because you needed more yourself.”

Emma was struggling not to laugh out loud. She knew if she did the conversation would be turned on her, but the look on her girlfriend’s face was almost too much.

“I-”

“It was you wasn’t it? I mean…. I would hope it was you.”

“Gran!” Emma finally managed, a scandalized look on her face. Alyssa cleared her throat “uh, yeah, it was me... My hemoglobin levels are fine Betsy, thank you so much for your concern.”

“Oooo sarcasm, I like it. Feisty Alyssa is fun.” Betsy teased

“You have no idea,” Emma whispered and began laughing hysterically at the glares thrown her way. She only stopped when a piece of garlic bread hit her square in the head.

“Rude,” she muttered, going back to her food. The rest of the meal went by in quips and laughter, and when Alyssa returned home that night she thanked whatever god was out there that she had found a home in the Nolan family.

Chapter Text

“NO SEX IN MY HALLWAY!” Betsy yelled from the kitchen and the two girls sprung apart. They were not, in fact, having sex in Emma’s grandmothers hallway, but there may have been a very passionate makeout session happening against the wall to the left of the giant portrait of Ryan Gosling Besty had hanging in the upstairs hall. 

“WE WEREN’T,” Emma yelled back, and she heard a disbelieving snort come from downstairs.

“Almost,” Alyssa teased quietly and watched as her girlfriend blushed profusely.

“What was that?!” Betsy called

“NOTHING!” they returned in unison before rushing into Emma’s room and closing the door quickly. Emma sat against her headboard and Alyssa moved to sit next to her, leaving room for the Lord of course. If He was three atoms thick.

“She’s going to kick me out one day, I’m a bad influence on you.”

Emma laughed loudly “oh please, she loves you.”

“Would she still love me if she came upstairs to find me pinned against the wall with your hand up my skirt?”

“I'm sure she would, she just wouldn’t be able to make eye contact with you for a while.”

“Well we can’t have that, I quite like conversations with your Gran”

“Well I like kissing you, so we’ll have to come up with something”

“Innocent kisses aren’t the issue kid,” Betsy said from the door, a plate of something tasty looking in her hands and a teasing look in her eyes that sort of screamed You’re lucky I’ve learned to listen before entering cause y’all are horny fuckers and I don’t trust you but also lol simps simultaneously.

“No,” she continued, entering the room “It’s the noise. God you two couldn’t be less inconspicuous if you tried. All that hard breathing and moaning , good Lord the moaning, seriously have some consideration for the fact I haven’t lost my hearing yet!”

The girls on the bed were blushing so hard Betsy thought they might explode, but she was having fun. Betsy was a pretty sex-positive person, and as long as her noise cancelling headphones were around and they were being safe, she didn’t really care what her granddaughter ((+ in-law) because Alyssa was practically family by now ) got up to behind closed doors. She did however find great joy in screwing with them about it, because there would be no fun in pretending like it didn’t happen and leaving them alone. Though she made sure Emma had a lock, because really. Privacy.

“She’s not that loud,” Emma finally managed, receiving a whack upside the head from her girlfriend in the process.

“Who said I was talking about Alyssa?” Betsy asked before placing the plate on Emma’s bedside table and sauntering out of the room, a satisfied smirk on her face as she closed the door behind her “Enjoy the lemon squares!”

… “Oh my fucking God ‘Lys”

Alyssa grinned, leaning over to reach the lemon squares and stopping to kiss her quickly on her way “lemon tart time,” she sang but was stopped by Emma wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her on top of her. Alyssa let out a squeak but allowed herself to be pulled down, laughing as she pulled herself up to hover over her girlfriend whose arms were trapping them together.

“Not tart time?” she asked

“They’re lemon squares ‘Lys” 

“Whatever, I bet they taste amazing.”

“I’m sure they do, but you look really pretty and I want to kiss you so I hope you don’t mind waiting a little longer”

“Hmmm,” Alyssa pretended to think “I’m sure I could figure it out-”

She was pulled down suddenly and her mouth met Emmas without hesitation. They fit together perfectly, lips moving against one another lazily but not without purpose. No, it seemed there was plenty of purpose. Lips explored with practiced ease as the minutes passed by, and hands began to wander, a shirt was removed, then another, and then-

“Five minutes until Alyssa needs to head home!”

“Nooooo,” Alyssa groaned, burying her face in her girlfriend's neck.

“Someday soon,” Emma whispered in her ear “I’m going to get more than a half hour of alone time with you, and it will be amazing.”

“Mmm,” Alyssa simply hummed with agreement as she connected their lips again. She slipped her tongue between Emma’s lips, eliciting a groan from the blonde and a fire to be spurred on within her. They made out for as long as they could, but time was pressing in and Alyssa really did need to get going.

“‘Lys,” Emma breathed into the kiss “I need to get you home.”

“I don’t want to go,” Alyssa grumbled, moving to press hot kisses down Emma’s neck. The blonde sighed happily before shaking her head “Alyssa Greene. Stop trying to distract me. You have to go home.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Noooo”

“Yessss”

“I don’t wannaaaa”

“Don’t be a baby. You’re back here friday and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“But I want to be here with you right now.”

“Well you still have the whole drive to your house with me,” Emma said, sliding out from beneath Alyssa and pulling her shirt back on.

“You suck,” Alyssa poked her tongue out at the blonde.

“We both know who gets more joy out of sucking here,” Emma returned, throwing Alyssa’s sweater at her. Alyssa gasped in faux offense and grinned mischievously “You didn’t seem to have a problem with it a few minutes ago”

“I will neither confirm nor deny my enjoyment in the participation of such activities” the taller girl responded in a snobby voice.

“Nerd,” the brunette teased softly

Emma started listing things off her fingers loudly as she put her shoes back on “Debate Team, Student Council, Prom Committee, Cheer Captai- HEY!”

“Lets go.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know your many achievements were such a bore to you.”

“GIRLS, TEN MINUTES UNTIL ALYSSA HAS TO BE HOME”

“Fuck, come on.”

“...My fingers” Alyssa muttered under her breath, chuckling quietly at the exasperated look on her girlfriend's face.

“ALYSSA MARIE GREENE. CAR. NOW.”

And so they hopped into the truck and drove the ten minutes to Alyssa’s house, singing along to whatever trash music was playing through the local radio station. Emma parked a block away from the Greene household and kissed her girlfriend goodbye.

“I love you,” Emma called to her quietly

“I love you too, you dork.”

Chapter Text

“I’ll be back sunday, be safe, no parties, and I left money for food and there’s cinnamon buns in the kitchen for you,” Betsy said as she made her way towards the door “And the hallway rule still stands!”

“Thanks Gran, see you Sunday!”

“I mean it Emma Nolan I will know if you have sex in my hallway”

“God Gran, I get it, no sex in the hallway. I don’t know what your problem is but I swear, no hallway sex.”

“Good. Okay, I’ll see you two later.”

And she was gone. 

“I wonder who fucked in the hallway to scar your gran like that,” Alyssa mused from the livingroom floor as she set up scrabble. 

“You pray with that mouth Greene?”

The burnette rolled her eyes “game’s ready stupid, lets play.”

Alyssa, to no one's surprise, won almost every game they played that night. After 3 rounds of scrabble, two games of jenga, one game of life, a monopoly game that ended too soon due to an argument (because that’s the only way monopoly ever really ends), and a very heated game of trivia, they ended up starting their movie on opposite sides of the couch. 

The monopoly argument plus the trivia (so maybe Emma won… and maybe Alyssa had been a bit of a sore loser) had led to a silent meal and space.

Emma decided she didn’t really like the silence, but she knew Alyssa. She knew Alyssa was raised to win, in a horrible way. Her dad left when she was 10, and her mom decided Alyssa would become the model child, a model student, a model community member, a model… period. And Alyssa tried, she really did, Emma could see it, her Gran could see it, Greg could see it whenever he came to visit, but Alyssa doubted herself, and her mother was difficult to please. So Emma knew that with a bit of space Alyssa could deal with the idea of losing trivia to her girlfriend. 

Around halfway through the movie, Emma was proven right. She was watching the film quietly, a mouth full of popcorn, when the weight of her entire girlfriend fell into her body. She let out a huff of air, swallowing her popcorn so she could breathe properly. 

“Hello there,” Emma laughed, a smile crossing her face as Alyssa shifted to get comfortable. They were now laying across the couch, Emma’s back against the arm rest and Alyssa facing her. The blonde leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s head.

“Hi,” was the muffled response. 

“You good down there?”

“Yep, sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about”

“Kinda is,” Alyssa murmured. There was guilt in her voice, and the blonde’s heart ached at the sound.

“Hey. Look at me,” Alyssa moved slightly to meet hazel eyes “You’re amazing, and smart, and wonderful, and a sore, sore , loser. And I love you.”

Alyssa huffed and shoved her head back into Emma’s chest. 

“Say it back,” the blonde called teasingly and received a grumble back.

“‘Lys. say it back or you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“I am not.”

“Yeah? Say it back.”

“No. You beat me at trivia! I don’t love you anymore.”

“Alyssa. Your face is in my boobs.”

“Well they can’t win at trivia.”

“You wanna bet?” Emma asked, and Alyssa looked up with raised eyebrows.

“Well when you propose it like that, yeah. I do.”

“Too bad. You don’t love me so you don’t get to play trivia with my boobs.”

“Em!”

“Shhh,” the blonde hushed, pressing her finger against her girlfriend’s lips “my heart has just been broken, I need peace! My girlfriend doesn’t- Alyssa!”

“Mmm?”

“Release my finger.”

“Mnoo”

“What? Sorry? I can't hear you around the finger you’re keeping captive in your mouth ”

Alyssa jokingly -softly- bit down then released Emma’s finger. The blonde wiped her finger across Alyssa’s cheek aggressively as she keened back trying to escape. Emma tightened her arm around her girlfriend’s back and leaned in until they were nose to nose.

“You can’t escape me Ms Greene,” she whispered, and smiled when Alyssa pulled her into a kiss. 

“I’m okay with that,” the brunette whispered against her lips, capturing them again and pushing Emma further into the couch. Emma let her hands wander up under her girlfriend’s shirt, smirking internally when she felt her breath hitch.

“So you do love me?” 

Alyssa laughed and kissed her nose, “yes, Emma Nolan, I love you very much.”

Emma grinned and pulled Alyssa back towards her, capturing her lips and holding her as close as she could.

***

Alyssa awoke early on Saturday morning. She always woke up early, usually for a run or cheer practice or to finish homework or preparations for debate, but she had nowhere to be that morning. Her mother thought she was with Kaylee and Shelby, Kaylee and Shelby thought they were covering so she could spend the weekend with Greg who was “visiting from college”, and Greg was at college, completely uncaring of the fact that his ex-beard still used his name as a cover.

Alyssa was not one to stay still. Her life was constantly moving around her and she had become accustomed to the never ending swirl of things happening as she went along with her day to day activities. In that moment however, when she woke up to Emma’s arms around her holding her close, she felt no desire to move at all. She buried herself further into her girlfriend’s arms and let herself relax. 

After about 20 minutes, she needed to move. Emma was fast asleep, and Alyssa knew she wouldn’t be waking up for a while, so she slowly untangled herself from her girlfriend’s arms and slid out of bed. Emma shifted under the covers and pulled Alyssa’s pillow into her arms to cuddle instead. The brunette huffed a quiet laugh as she pulled one of Emma’s sweaters over her head and went downstairs to the kitchen.

She moved around the kitchen collecting ingredients for pancakes and sausages, warming up the pan and smiling to herself as she mixed the pancake mix. 

At home, Alyssa wasn’t allowed sugar. Her mother was a harsh woman with questionable methods. Alyssa hoped she had good intentions, but she knew the truth. Veronica Greene was broken, and she was willing to bend her daughter as much as she could bear to make herself seem perfect. She knew her mother loved her, in some way or another, but the way she was treated and controlled had broken Alyssa’s heart more times than she could count. She had spent years trying to figure out why she wasn’t enough for her mom, and after hours wasted away considering every angle she realized it wasn’t her. Her mother had an idea of a perfect life that had been passed down from her parents and their parents before that, and being a single parent wasn’t a part of it.

Alyssa shook her head from thoughts of her mom and her home life. She loved her mom, and her mom loved her. They had a weird and far-from-perfect relationship, but they still had each other. That was more than Emma could say about her immediate family. 

Alyssa moved to the counter and turned on some music. It was soft and quiet and fit the morning well. She moved around the kitchen with ease, flipping pancakes and sifting around the sausages in a pan, dancing a little to the music as she went. 

Emma woke up to an empty bed and the smell of breakfast. She rolled out from under the covers and pulled a flannel over her shoulders as she made her way towards the food. She walked groggily to the kitchen, sliding her glasses up her face and stopping in the doorway to watch the sight that was unfolding in front of her eyes.

Her girlfriend was dancing around her grandmother's kitchen, making breakfast and humming along to a song in her sweatshirt. 

She wondered momentarily if she had died and gone to heaven. A happy warmth filled her at the realization that this was her actual life.

She slowly walked into the kitchen and wound her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, leaning her chin to look over her shoulder. 

“Morning,” she whispered, smiling as Alyssa turned to face her

“Morning. I thought you’d sleep a bit longer”

“You left me, I was cold.”

“I didn’t want to wake you, and I needed to move. Also, you’re always cold.”

“No, you’re always weirdly warm.”

“I am a normal temperature!”

“Alyssa, baby, you’re fucking not. You’re a literal furnace.”

Alyssa raised her eyebrows teasingly and fluttered her eyelashes “are you calling me hot?”

“No. I’m saying you’re weirdly warm.”

“So I’m not hot?”

“Meh. You’re okay.”

Alyssa gasped dramatically and turned back around to flip over a pancake.

“Fine, no breakfast for you.”

Emma rolled her eyes playfully and walked away to the abandoned bowl of remaining batter. She dipped her finger in and returned to Alyssa, approaching the girl cautiously before spinning her around so they were face to face and smearing the batter across her cheek. 

Alyssa jumped back in surprise but was pulled forward quickly and brought face to face with her girlfriend.

“You’re evil,” she murmured, trying not to let the batter shift from her face to the floor.

“Oh dear,” Emma claimed dramatically “whatever will we do?! Maybe…” she pulled Alyssa close “I’ll just have to eat you instead.”

The blonde licked up Alyssa’s face and grinned at the noise of disgust that fell from her girlfriend’s lips.

“Not only is that gross,” Alyssa began “it also implies something deeply dirty.”

Emma cackled as she grabbed a pair of tongs from a drawer and moved the now cooked sausages onto the two waiting plates.

“Take me to breakfast first Alyssa, damn!”

“I will throw this at you.”

“Bet.”

...

“Ow.”

“You started it”.

“Kiss it better please,”

“No.”

“Fine, hand me the syrup you loveless monster.” 

Alyssa slid the syrup across the table, rolling her eyes at the comment and grinning as Emma drowned her pancakes.

“Would you like some pancakes with your syrup Nolan?” she asked, Emma grinned “I’m actually perfectly happy with my pancake to syrup ratio.”

“You’re an idiot”

“I’m your idiot.”

“And you’re a sap.”

“I might be. But shhh,” she leaned in in a conspiring manner “don’t tell my girlfriend”.

Alyssa nodded in faux-seriousness “She’ll never know”.

***

The two girls got ready after breakfast, doing the dishes together and singing along to an array of show tunes. They got ready side by side, each melting at the domesticality of it all.

They went for a picnic by the lake, the cool clear weekend being a perfect excuse to cuddle under blankets in the bed of Emma’s truck and let the world melt away under the sun. 

By 2pm, both girls were curled up against the cushion nest they had made, snoozing lightly. Alyssa was laying with her head propped against some pillows, Emma on top of her using her chest as a pillow. They were wrapped up in a warm duvet and snuggled tightly. Alyssa drifted out of sleep for a moment, warmth filling her as she imagined a life of moments like this with her girlfriend.

She knew she should be scared of the future. She knew that anything could happen and her and Emma could end up far away from each other. But as she felt the blonde hum underneath her when she kissed the top of her head, she felt neither fear nor worry. She knew, somehow, deep in her bones and buried in her soul, that she didn’t need to worry. 

She let her fingers brush through blonde curls and sighed happily.

Whatever would happen would happen, and her and Emma would get through it. 

“You’re a fucking radiator,” Emma grumbled against her chest, burying closer, and Alyssa let a small smile grace her features.

“Stop complaining,” she whispered “you love it.”

There was a muffled sound of faux-denial before:  “Shhhh, 'm sleeping”.

“Idiot.”

Chapter Text

“I could make you so fucking wet babe-”

Alyssa had tears in her eyes. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and her dress suddenly felt way too tight. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t see, she couldn’t focus. She tried to stay as still as possible, knowing her mother would be furious if she squirmed. 

“Church is a place of respect and worship Alyssa,” her mother had told her many times, “you are to stay still and listen well. The lessons taught in church are more important than anything else in the world. So, no talking, no squirming, and no leaving during a service, understand?”

5, 7, 9, and 12 year old Alyssa had all nodded in fear and obedience “yes mom”.

“We could have so much fun together if you gave me a chance-”

The first tear fell silently down her face. No one seemed to notice. Until someone did. 

“The Lord in his power gave us grace...” Pastor Seb called loudly and uselessly from the front of the church.

Betsy Nolan was across the aisle and down two pews, and in front of her sat Kaylee and Shelby. She turned to check on Alyssa, as she often did in church, and was met with a blank face, panicked eyes, and silent tears. She immediately poked at Kaylee and Shelby, who turned to look at her in confusion. She leaned forward to whisper to them, and they were out of their seats quickly.

“We need Alyssa,” Shelby whispered to Mrs. Greene, not waiting for an answer as she led the girl out of the pew and through the back door. As soon as she was outside, Alyssa fell into the wall and took in deep shuddering breaths. Kaylee and Shelby watched in concern as their friend attempted to calm herself. They had no idea what could have led Alyssa to a breakdown, but they knew whatever it was, they were going to hurt it.

“Is there anything we can do?” Kaylee asked softly, trying not to cause any more discomfort to the crying girl by speaking too loudly or moving too fast.

“Em,” Alyssa muttered.

“Nolan?” Shelby asked, and was met with a small nod. Shelby shared a look with her best friend before walking towards the back of the church where Emma Nolan was usually found.

“Gonzalez?”

“Nolan.”

“What are you doing out here? There’s still like an hour left.”

“I have no idea why, but Alyssa's finally cracked. She’s definitely in the middle of a panic attack and she asked for you.”

Emma stood quickly from her place under the tree and approached the brunette. “Where is she?” she asked, and Shelby pointed around the corner to where she had left her friends. 

The two walked quickly over to find Alyssa sitting against the wall, her hands pressed into the ground and her breathing considerably more under control. Kaylee was crouched next to her, leading her through a grounding exercise to help her come back.

Emma waited as Kaylee and Alyssa worked through the exercise, a thankful smile on her face that despite everything, Alyssa had her best friend’s on her side.

“Why did she ask for you?” Shleby asked quietly, and Emma simply shrugged.

“That’s for her to tell you. It’s not my place to say.”

Shleby nodded, okay with that answer. She knew, she wasn’t an idiot, but she appreciated that Emma was willing to let Alyssa choose when and how she came out. Kaylee and Shelby had known Alyssa and Emma were together pretty early on. Not that they had told them, but the looks they shared when they thought no one was looking and the subtle (attempted-subtle) touches were enough. 

Alyssa finally opened her eyes, an exhausted look on her face as she scanned the people around her. 

She spotted Emma and softened.

She stood up slowly, leaning against the wall still, and smiled at the three people in front of her. 

“Thank you,” she said to Kaylee, then to Shelby. She then looked to Emma and they had a silent conversation.

‘I can go if it’s easier’

‘I want you here’

‘They’ll know’

‘They probably already do’

‘Are you okay?’

‘No. I will be though’

‘Want a hug?’

‘Yes.’

Emma moved forward and pulled Alyssa into a hug, holding her closely.

“I’ll kill him,” Emma said quietly, and Alyssa sniffed in a weak laugh. 

“No you won’t.”

“I will.”

“Emma, you won’t. First, your ribs are still healing. Second, I don’t want you to get in another fight. Third, I’m not worth the trouble.”

Emma pulled back to look at her.

“You’re so worth the trouble.”

“Who are we killing?” Kaylee asked, and Emma turned to look at her “Carson Jackson.”

Shelby made a face. 

“I hate that kid.”

“He’s been harassing me with obscenities in my ear every week since he turned 14. Every sexual joke, innuendo, and pick up line you can think of, he’s said it.”

“Oh my god. Why didn’t you tell us?” Kaylee asked, a look of disdain and worry on her face.

“I don’t know,” Alyssa whispered, guilt written across her features, “I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I thought I could handle it. Plus, what was I supposed to do? Ask my mom to move from the place she’s been sitting every week for 30 years? I don’t think so.”

“You’re not sitting there next week,” Shelby replied. Alyssa gave her a look.

“I have to. My mom will kill me if I try to get out of going to church. Assholes be damned, no daughter of Veronica Greene will be seen missing church.”

“We’ll sit with you somewhere else,” Kaylee offered “We can sit in the back with you to keep you safe.”

“He’s not going to hurt me.”

“He already has.”

All eyes turned to Emma “‘Lys, he drove you to a full panic attack. He’s hurt you.”

“I can handle it,” Alyssa said, slightly defensive. Emma sighed and took her hands “I know you can. But you shouldn’t have to.”

“At the very least, not alone. People suck, people like Carson suck even more, and no one should have to deal with their bullshit alone. Ever. So next week we’re sitting with you somewhere else so you can at least feel a bit better.” Shelby added, and Kaylee nodded. 

Alyssa seemed to come to the conclusion that this wasn’t a choice. Her friends were not going to stop until she felt safe and comfortable again.

“Ok,” she agreed, “thank you.”

“Of course! Now tell us. You two have been together how long?”

“KAYLEE!”

“I want to know.” 

“We got together at the beginning of last year.”

“Like… the school year?”

“Correct.”

“And you didn’t tell us?”

Emma and Alyssa looked at them in confused exasperation.

“I- When I came out you two made it your life’s purpose to make my life a living hell. Kaylee, your ex boyfriend nearly broke my ribs two weeks ago, and you hung a bear in my locker last week. What part of that screams Hey we’re accepting, feel free to tell us about your relationship ?!” 

“...... fair.”

“And also, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of it.”

“I’m not sure I can forgive you that easily.”

“That’s okay,” Shelby encouraged “take your time. You’re not expected to fully forgive us ever. God knows we don’t deserve it. But we’re sorry. For everything we’ve done and the way we’ve treated both of you.”

“Why’d you do it then?” Alyssa asked “why pretend to hate someone? What good does that do?”

Shelby took a deep breath.

“I was scared. I’m bisexual, and when Emma got kicked out I got scared. I started thinking, what if my parents did that to me? I don’t have anywhere to go. So I deflected. It’s not an excuse, it’s just the truth.”

“And you?” Alyssa asked Kaylee, and she sighed.

“I got drunk and kissed a girl while I was at a party with Nick. He wasn’t pleased. He told me that I needed to fix myself and a couple of weeks of brainwashing attempts later, you," she gestured to Emma "got outed to the town and I had the perfect way to prove I wasn’t Like That anymore. It was cruel and unfair, but it was better than Nick's half-assed fucking conversion therapy. All he was missing was the electric chair”.

“Homophobia’s a bitch,” Emma said flatly, and sighed “I get it. I don’t appreciate nor approved of your methods of self defence, but I don’t completely blame you. I partially do, because it was your decision to act the way you did, but I understand the influences”.

“You’re weirdly well worded,” Shelby pointed out, and Alyssa smiled weakly at that. 

“It’s her influence. She’s an idiotic genius,” Emma grinned, Alyssa burried herself into Emma’s shoulder.

Shelby and Kaylee smiled at that, and noted how at home Alyssa looked around her girlfriend.

“You two are cute,” Shelby said, “but you’re also like really not subtle at all.”

“What d'you mean?” Alyssa asked and Shelby grinned cockily.

“I mean that the two of you making eyes at each other across rooms is not as subtle as you think it is.”

“You knew.”

“Yep! And, Kaylee owes me $25 bucks, 'cause I got closest to how long you’ve been together.”

Kaylee groaned loudly “fuck.”

“Language!” three voices chastised her teasingly.

“Alright. Who wants to go get slushies?” Emma asked and Alyssa mumbled yes into her neck. Kaylee and Shelby looked at her.

“But church,” Kaylee pointed out

“It’s November,” Shelby added.

“But slushies,” Emma responded simply.

“We can’t just leave!” 

“I mean, you’re out here right now so it seems like you can. There’s no pressure to come but we’re going anyway so…”

Kaylee and Shelby looked at each other, a silent conversation passing through them.

“We’re down for slushies.”

“Ok cool. Lets go.”

And so the gaggle of gays crowded into Emma’s truck and headed towards the gas station. Emma drove with Alyssa next to her, their hands connected as the blonde steered with one hand. It seemed Alyssa needed the physical attachment and Emma was happy to oblige. Being there for her and making sure she was comfortable was the blonde’s only concern in that moment. 

25 minutes and an in-depth conversation about the logistics of magic in the Barbie Fairytopia and Mermaidia movies later, the group pulled up to the closest open gas station. The one in town was closed because church , but the one midway between Edgewater and Heaven was open 24/7. 

Kaylee and Shelby got out first, making their way towards the store quickly. Emma and Alyssa waited for a minute. Alyssa leaned her head on Emma’s shoulder and sighed.

“I’m sorry about all of this,” she whispered

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. He’s the one who made you uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t need to freak out though,”

“Alyssa you can’t control panic attacks like that. It isn’t your fault okay? Look at me,” Alyssa turned so they were facing each other “none of this is your fault. We’ll figure it out together. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own church”.

Alyssa leant their foreheads together “I never feel comfortable in there,” she admitted. Emma smiled sadly “I know. And we can figure that out too.”

“I just, I don’t think I believe in the same God that they do. The town. Or- I don’t know if I believe in Him at all. It’s so confusing because we’ve been taught our whole lives to attempt to be the best we can in the eyes of the Lord but what? Love isn’t right unless He says so? I’m sick for loving you? I thought God was about loving each other no matter what but for years we’ve had hate preached into our hearts. I don’t get it”. 

Emma sighed, pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips “me neither,” she whispered “but we’ll figure it out someday”.

“I’m impatient,” Alyssa pointed out jokingly and Emma laughed.

“Yes,” she agreed “but you’re not stupid. You wait when you have to, and you know when that is. You’re good at that.”

“Sometimes.”

“Sometimes is better than never.”

Alyssa smiled and pulled Emma in for a proper kiss. 

“I love you,” she breathed against soft lips.

“I love you too.”

“We better go in before they think we’ve abandoned them to fuck or something,” Alyssa pointed out and they slid out of the truck.

“Ooo now that’s an idea!”

Alyssa rolled her eyes as she laughed, tangling their fingers together. 

They let go as they entered the store. Ted “Telegraph” Donavan was a gossip if anyone had ever met one, and Emma and Alyssa had a secret to keep. 

“Skipping church?” Ted asked as they entered and Emma grinned

“No sir, just grabbing a post Jesus snack.”

“I’m not stupid Nolan, I know what time church finishes in Edgewater.”

“Well then you should also know that I haven’t attended a church service in two years,” Emma pointed out, pausing dramatically halfway down the candy isle “oh wait. You do know that. Because I come here every time I get hungry waiting for it to be over”.

“Don’t sass me kid,” the man called as the blonde made her way to the slushy machine.

“Don’t give me a reason to!” Emma called back, filling her cup with an array of colourful flavours. 

“You get more than one flavour?” Shelby asked

“Yeah. Lime and Cream Soda actually go quite well together.”

Shelby gasped dramatically “you’re a monster!”

“You’re lame,” Emma replied flatly.

“Slushies are a one flavour thing,” Kaylee piped up.

“Ok JD, whatever you say.”

“JD was a slushy king,” Kaylee pointed out

“JD was a fucking manipulative psychopath who killed people because they annoyed him,” Alyssa joined in and her friends looked at her in surprise. 

It took her a moment, and then she realized why. Kaylee and Shelby had only heard her swear a handful of times, and only for a really good reason. She didn’t swear often unless it was in a banter with Emma or an unwilling curse slipping from her mouth in a moment of heated mind-fog. 

Alyssa swore around Emma all the time, but Alyssa Greene™ had said 5 swear words in her life and three of them were “crap”. 

“....you have a valid point,” Kaylee finally replied. 

The girls walked through the isles picking out snacks and quipping back and forth like they’d been friends for years. 

It felt weird for Emma, picking out food and joking with the people who had made her life a living hell for years. She quietly knew it would never happen again. As much history as she had with Shelby and Kaylee pre-torment, and as much as they meant to her girlfriend, she knew they wouldn’t be friends again. They had hurt Emma too much for her to allow them back into her life properly with a good conscience. At least in the near future.

She also knew however, that she had two more people on her side. In whatever way that meant, there were two more people who were somewhat in her and Alyssa’s court, and that was a good feeling.

They drove back towards the church with the windows down and music blasting. They took the long way home. At some point Alyssa entwined her fingers with Emma’s who shot her a soft smile. She kissed her cheek quickly and was met with fake gagging sounds behind her, to which she threw two very well aimed m&ms at her best friend’s faces. 

Once the slushies were finished and snacks had been diminished, they turned the music down and rolled back into the church parking lot. They had 10 minutes before the service ended and the picnic began.

It had been another clear weekend, and with that brought the chance at a church bbq. The town loved them. Well, the people who were welcomed anyways. 

Shelby and Kaylee thanked Emma for the impromptu trip and each gave her a fist bump as they left the truck. Alyssa watched them go before turning to Emma and giving her a look.

Emma knew that look. She’d seen it in times when Alyssa really didn’t want to go somewhere. The times when she knew Alyssa would be arriving home to an angry mother and a week of extra hard work to make up for it. 

“Go for a little,” the blonde said quietly, tucking a stray curl out of her girlfriend’s face “slip away if you need to”.

“Are you leaving?” Alyssa asked and Emma shook her head

“Nah. Gran wants to stay this time.”

“Okay,” the brunette breathed easier knowing her girlfriend would be close by.

“Now go, before someone sees,” Emma said gently, pressing a kiss to her forehead “you know where to find me.”

Alyssa nodded and hopped out of the truck. Emma watched as she walked away, pulling her walls back up as she went. By the time Alyssa was at the front steps she looked like she usually did: strong, smart, happy, people pleasing genius, Alyssa Greene. She threw a smile back over her shoulder at the truck that made Emma’s heart stop before slipping back inside.

Chapter Text

Once she was sure everyone had left the building, Emma hopped out of her truck and made her way swiftly into the church.

She walked through the atrium and into the main part of the church, sitting quietly in a back pew and closing her eyes.

Hey. she started, unsure of what she wanted to say. I don’t know if I believe in you. Well, I do know, I don’t believe in you. Especially the way other people in this town do. But I think I believe in energy, and if everyone’s energy is at it’s best in one place more holy than others I guess that’s not the craziest idea ever. Regardless, I’m here now to thank you. Whatever you are. For my gran, for Alyssa, for a life that isn’t perfect but isn’t all that bad sometimes. Sure, there’s a lot of shit that has happened to me, that happens to me still, but like. I don’t know what I did to deserve my family, like gran and greg and ‘lys and them, but thank you universe for them. They teach me about love every day, and I know that’s the most important thing. I don’t know what else to say so I’ll let you out of my internal monologue now. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next time I feel like spilling my thoughts to the open universe. Peace.

“You’re not welcome in here Emma Nolan,” Pastor Seb said loudly from where he stood at the furthest end of the pew. 

“I thought everyone was welcome here. Isn’t that the whole point?”

“We don’t want dirty homosexuals spoiling our sacred ground,” the man replied and Emma almost rolled her eyes. Dramatic much?

“I’m just here to,” she hesitated on the word “pray.” 

“Are you asking for forgiveness or guidance out of your sinful life?” The pastor asked, a knowing disdain in his eyes.

“Nope. I came to thank the universe for giving me the little good I have in my sad fucked up life.”

“Do not use profanities here.”

“I’m sure God won’t mind. He’s beyond swear words from what I’ve heard.”

“Get out.”

“Ok, I’m leaving.” Emma agreed, standing and making her way to the door. She turned before exiting, calling out to the pastor “Hey Sebiath? Whatever happened to love thy neighbour?” she called and the man spun around with fury in his eyes. 

“How dare you,” he spat and Emma allowed herself a satisfied smile.

“Sorry. Anyway, hope the devil leaves your heart soon. Love is the strongest power after all, and you seem to have a lot more hate than you realize”. 

Also fuck you for all the shit I have to deal with on a daily basis. I don’t know what I did to deserve it but I know loving girls isn’t it. And if it is, fuck you even more. None of us deserve this, and if you are a God, you suck. #don’tsmiteme Amen .

***

“You are never to do that again, do you understand me?”

“Yes mom.”

“It’s disgraceful behaviour and I will not stand for it. I raised you better than that and I expect you to be a good role model for others. I work hard to keep us a respected name in this town, you are not to go around screwing it up by skipping church.”

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa said “Shelby really needed my help.”

“Well she could have waited.”

“I just wanted to be there for my friend mom, I’m sorry. It won’t happen like this again.”

“You’re damn right it won’t. If anything like this happens again you’ll be grounded for at least a week”. 

Alyssa paled at the idea. For some kids, being grounded was having their phone taken away, maybe their laptop too if they were really bad. But Mrs. Greene was harsher than that. She wanted perfection, and she saw discipline as the quickest route. 

No phone. No laptop. No friends. No spare time. 

Wakeup, run, small breakfast, school, lunch at the office, school, after-school activities, home, homework, dinner, homework, bed.

No time for fun, no time for people, no time for herself. 

They wandered around the back of the church, Alyssa doing her best to keep a smile on her face. 

The town spread out through the small park, tables spread across the field, an array of food displayed that almost seemed too much. Alyssa looked around, seeking out Kaylee and Shelby who each looked a lot more colourless than they had before. The three girls met at the start of the buffet and collected their food quietly.

“How bad?” Shelby finally asked

“Pretty. Threatened to ground me,” Alyssa mumbled and her friends winced.

“Shit, sorry,” Kaylee said and Alyssa shook her head

“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who should be apologizing, it's my panic attack that got us in trouble anyways.”

“It’s not your fault Alyssa, jeez have some faith in yourself. You don’t control shit like that, and we willingly helped. We’ll be fine”.

Alyssa nodded and smiled, and for the first time in ages she knew her friends didn’t believe it a single bit. And that made her feel a little better too. 

“Ok, food time.”

“I’m so not hungry after we just ate,” Kaylee complained quietly and Alyssa and Shelby chuckled. 

“Just grab little things and give them to the kids or something.”

“Alyssa!” Mrs. Greene swept towards them and stopped by her daughter “no fatty foods”.

“Don’t worry Mrs. Greene, we’re all avoiding those kinds of foods for cheer,” Shelby assured, and Kaylee nodded along. 

Mrs. Greene nodded approvingly and walked back towards her PTA Gossip Group.

The girls walked towards a somewhat comfy looking section of the field and sat down to eat their scarce food they had grabbed.

Betsy Nolan walked by unceremoniously, catching Alyssa’s eye and mouthing “okay?”. Alyssa gave a small thumbs up and mouthed “thank you”. Betsy just shook her head and gave her a friendly smile before continuing on her way. 

“Are you well acquainted with Betsy Nolan then?” Kaylee asked curiously

“When did you get so wordy? Acquainted? What the fuck Kails,” Shelby teased and Alyssa grinned.

“Yes, I am well acquainted with Betsy Nolan. We’re besties.”

“We’re your best friends.”

“Meh.”

“Alyssa!”

The brunette laughed freely “Yeah okay you’re my best friends.”

“Good.” 

There was a pause and then “I’m sorry we haven’t acted like it.”

Another pause while Alyssa considered a response “I won’t say it’s okay because it kinda fucking sucked but like, I love you guys and I know you love me so I know we’ll work it out. Even if it takes a bit”.

They finished their food quickly and began lounging.

“So, Alyssa Greene, when did you start swearing?” Shelby asked, a teasing lilt to her voice.

Alyssa shoved her face in her hands, blushing deeply.

“I don’t want to answer that,” she mumbled and her friends buzzed in excitement.

“Oh my god was it like, an accident?”

“Was it Emma?” the smugness in their voices evident.

Alyssa was feeling much more herself by then, and in that moment she was able to recognize who she was again. Alyssa Greene was powerful, smart, kind, and a pain in the ass when she wanted to be. She formed a simple plan. She straightened up in her seated position and moved to stand, giving her friends a look and smirking “I guess you’ll never know,” before turning on her heels and walking away.

Her friend’s watched her go with small smiles. There was Alyssa. A bit more herself than the hour before. 

It felt good, that tiny bit of power she had regained. She felt more herself. Yes, Alyssa was breaking at the seems. Yes, her mother was going to kill her. Yes, she had work to do with the people she was close to. But she was also Alyssa fucking Greene, and the thought allowed her to gain some of her confidence and calmness. 

Alyssa Greene could do anything. The Nolan’s made sure they told her that as much as they could, and she knew they genuinely believed it.

Veronica Greene was distracted with her people: the PTA moms, the townsfolk, the priest… pretty much anyone she could find to chat with and learn something she shouldn’t know. Alyssa took the opportunity to slip around the side of the building and enter through the basement fire door. 

***

The church in Edgewater had an attic, and it was pretty fucking epic. There was a huge stained glass window that let colours fall across the well-kept hardwood floors and fairy lights hanging around. Emma had put those up on her third picnic post-removal wait time. The attic had become her place. 

Alyssa had stolen the keys from Pastor Seb when she was 10, hoping she could reach an agreement with God about her being “kinda sick” if she was higher up. 

Newsflash, no. 

She kept the keys though, using the attic as a place to go when everything became too much. There was an entrance through the basement, and the basement door was easy to pick. When Emma stopped being welcome at the church, Alyssa had given her the key as a way to be inside when she wanted. 

She usually didn’t because she felt unwelcome and unwanted in the building. It was a disconnect the town had created and she hated that it got to her. But it did. So the attic was for when everyone else was elsewhere and either of them needed to be alone or together in peace. 

Alyssa walked through the basement with practiced ease, climbing over the boxes piled in the corner and reaching for the loose ceiling tile. She moved it sideways and pulled herself into the ceiling, reaching for the ladder that was attached to one of the support beams. She pulled herself to a stable fitting and slid the ceiling tile back to where it was meant to be. She was doused in silence and grinned as she felt the familiar joy of climbing the ladder.

It wasn’t anything worth getting excited about really, but Alyssa enjoyed the 30 seconds she spent climbing up the church walls. It made her feel superhero-y and she wasn’t going to deny herself that feeling for a bit. She reached the top and pushed up blindly, light flowing over her as she climbed through the trapped door into the open room.

“Hey,” Emma greeted with a smile “I wasn’t sure you’d risk coming.”

“It’s probably a really stupid idea,” Alyssa admitted “but I feel like I deserve it.”

Emma grinned and Alyssa walked towards her “I’m sorry about today, and I know the conversations aren’t over but I really don’t want to think about it right now.”

The blonde raised her eyebrows before sighing slightly “Ok. For the last time though ‘Lys, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”

They met in the middle of the room, each at a loss for words. The sun was shining through the window and setting the room aglow with colours. 

“You’re so pretty,” Emma breathed out, admiring the way the colours danced across Alyssa’s skin. 

“You’re one to talk,” Alyssa giggled, pulling her close and whispering quietly “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Please do”. 

They met in the middle quickly, lips moving softly against one another. Alyssa moved her arms up to wrap around Emma’s neck, weaving her fingers through the baby hairs at the nape of her neck and scratching lightly. The blonde moaned quietly at that, and Alyssa took her chance to deepen the kiss. Emma’s hands moved to her waist, pushing her slowly backwards as they continued. The brunette’s back hit the wall softly and she groaned as Emma pushed her against it harder, moving to press hot kisses down her neck.

“Don’t you dare leave a hickey Emma Nolan,” she managed to say as she tried to catch her breath.

“I won’t,” the blonde assured, moving down to suck ever so lightly on her pulse point.

“I’m serious.”

“So am I, don’t worry.”

Alyssa let out a breath before pulling her girlfriend back up to kiss her properly again, flipping their positions in the process. She slipped her tongue in the blonde’s mouth and revelled at the sounds it drew from the taller girl. 

“How much time do we have?” Emma mumbled through ragged breathing

“10 minutes tops,” Alyssa responded, humming in agreement at Emma’s groan of annoyance.

“We’ve done less,” the blonde pointed out and Alyssa pulled back to laugh.

“I’m not fucking in a church Nolan,”

“Boo.”

“We have 10 minutes and we’re lit up by a jesus window. I will not be sent to hell for church sex.”

“Fineee,” Emma complained playfully, kissing her on the nose lightly. She moved away so they were no longer against the wall and bowed dramatically in front of her, looking up with a cheeky smile.

“If we are to not do the do in the Lord's household, will thee do me the honour at least of a dance?

Alyssa giggled at the ridiculousness of her girlfriend’s old-timey posh voice, and pulled her up to place a soft kiss on her lips. 

“I would love to dance with you,” she replied, taking Emma’s outstretched hand and falling into place in front of her. 

They twirled around the room together, grinning at each other as they went. The colours from the window danced across their faces as they moved, no music, just enjoying each other's company. 

After a few minutes they tired out. Emma slid to sit against the wall and moved her legs so Alyssa could sit between them and lean back. The brunette rested her head backwards on her girlfriend’s shoulder, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and letting a soft smile rest on her face. 

Emma mindlessly fiddled with Alyssa’s fingers as she hummed a wordless song. Alyssa tilted her face to the side to press a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s neck. She felt content there, in the arms of her girlfriend in the attic of the church that so dutifully despised their “lifestyle” yet was willingly home to their shenanigans. There was peace there. 

It gave her hope.

She checked her phone for the time and groaned loudly. 

“I have to go,” she said, and felt the grumble of disapproval beneath her. 

“Yeah, I know,” she began, standing up and helping pull Emma up behind her, “But if I’m grounded no one will be happy. So. See you later.”

“Oh the pain of our parting!” Emma called dramatically behind her as she approached the door. 

“Until next time my darling, I bid you ado!” Alyssa responded with equal flair, laughing as she slid through the door and closed it behind her. She began walking down the stairs, taking them quickly.

Her phone beeped and she stopped to look down:

Em: the church remains sacred ;)

Alyssa: I will end you.

Em: You’re welcome to try.

Alyssa laughed a little despite herself. She made her way back outside with a more grounded sense of teenage idiocy. Her head was held high and her walls were stacked properly once more. She walked back into the cool november day, rejoining her friends and rolling her eyes at the smugness on their faces. 

“Did you fuck her in the church?” Shelby asked and Kaylee whacked her. Alyssa blushed but didn’t hide.

“No. That seems deeply unwise.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if JC would be pleased,” Kaylee agreed, laughter lacing her voice.

Alyssa nodded with faux sincerity “Yeah, I think he’d be pretty peeved.”

“We made out in there once though and he didn’t seem to care,” Shelby pointed out, gesturing to herself and Kaylee before realizing what she’d done and freezing.

“oh fuck”

Alyssa’s eyes went wide.

“WHAT?!”

Chapter Text

Chemistry 12 was Alyssa’s least favourite class for many reasons. 

Number One: She was shit at chem. Alyssa was good at many things but chemistry wasn’t one of them. She didn’t find math easy. She enjoyed the idea behind physics so she would put in the work, but chemistry was a mess of numbers and long names to her and she hated it.

Number Two: Nearly two years after it had happened, she still hadn’t lived down the Peanut Brittle Disaster. Her classmates and chemistry teacher refused to let it go, more so than Emma who would bring it up at least twice a week. It caused a strained relationship with the chem teacher that made the class even harder for her.

Number Three: It was the only class she wasn’t top of. Her mother hated that. Even worse, her mothers worst enemy was top of the class. Emma Nolan and her obnoxiously smart brain and natural ability to do chemistry with no issue. Really, the only reason Alyssa was second to Emma as top of the class was because they studied together on Tuesdays and had done so for two years. 

Number Four: Her lab partner was Nick Boomer. If she struggled with chemistry before, working with Nick quadrupled the issue. He was useless, a relentless flirt, and a misogynistic prat. Working with him made everything that much more difficult. 

So Alyssa hated Chem 12. 

She especially hated chem 12 on a monday morning after cheer practice. There was a certain level of bullshit Alyssa could smile through, but Monday mornings were absolutely not one of them. 

Cheer? Easy. Debate? Simple. Calc, Physics, Bio, French, English, History, and Photo? Easy enough. Church? Barely, but passable. But chemistry on a Monday morning? Fuck no.

“Today we will be doing a lab,” the teacher began, his voice silencing the morning chatter happening in the rows of students “don’t forget safety goggles and gloves, we all know what happens when things explode. They get messy.” He looked right at Alyssa as he said it and it took most of her self control not to roll her eyes. Nick snickered next to her.

“Shut up Boomer,” Kaylee hissed from the table over and Nick glared at her. Once Nick looked away Kaylee made eye contact with Alyssa and raised her eyebrows teasingly.

‘You’ll never live it down’

Alyssa narrowed her eyes

‘Shut up’.

The teacher talked through the plan for the lab, explaining what chemicals would be used and how, and what the desired result would be. He made three more snide references to the Peanut Brittle experience which led to Alyssa finally allowing herself to roll her eyes at him. He gave her a displeased look but she was yet to find the energy to care.

She approached the chemical table at the same time as Emma, standing next to her as she grabbed the necessary bottles.

“Ok morning?” Emma asked quietly

“It’s a monday.” 

“Vibes. Well, good luck on the lab. Don’t blow it.”

If they weren’t in a room full of classmates, Alyssa would have whacked her for that. Unfortunately, they were surrounded by people who would judge her just for talking to the blonde so she had to watch her leave with a smug smile on her face. 

Kaylee, who was standing behind them, gave Emma the tiniest most discreet high-five ever and Alyssa glared at both of them.

“I hate you,” she said to Kaylee who laughed. At least she could openly rip the other girl apart. It made up for the constant knowing smirk of smugness Emma threw her every time they made eye contact for the rest of the class. 

She set up the lab as well as she could, and Emma walked past her table subtley to pass her adjusted notes to allow for a better understanding of what the fuck was going on. She did the lab successfully in the end, with no help from Nick who spent the whole time either on his phone or making jokes about how he had “chemistry” with multiple of the girls in the class. 

Finally the bell rang and Alyssa, Shleby, and Kaylee made their way out of the classroom and into the bustling hall. 

They walked, heads held high as they made their way through the crowd of students. They walked towards their respective classes, Kaylee dropping off first for math and Alyssa next for photography. Shelby had a spare.

The photo room was nothing less than the best place in the entirety of James Madison High School. There were computers lining all of the walls aging from 2003 to brand new, there were photos and art on every surface possible, including the roof, and there was a darkroom in the back. Not many people were allowed in the darkroom due to how expensive the equipment was and “how much good work would be ruined if some asshole came in and turned the lights on” (as their teacher liked to say). 

Alyssa was one of the few students who were allowed to be in there. She was exceptional with a film camera, not that many people knew that, and enjoyed photography quite a bit. She was a good cheerleader too, naturally flexible and purposefully strong, but she didn’t enjoy it nearly as much as photography. 

There was something simple, peaceful, and poetic about it. Capturing a moment in time through light and being able to hold on to it forever. The process of photography via film camera was relaxing to her too. Taking the photos, developing them, spending time in the darkroom as she waited for them to be ready.

When Alyssa entered the darkroom that morning she found herself able to breathe again properly, which was something she was finding harder and harder to do these days. Find a place to breathe. Everything felt too much too often for her liking. Like everything was closing in and rushing past and she had no control to stop it or slow it down. 

Emma helped mute the feeling, but they couldn’t be together all the time. Honestly, they didn’t see each other nearly enough for either of their likings. Being together was amazing, but stolen moments was a hard way to exist. It was necessary in a town like Edgewater though. They knew that. It didn’t make them feel any better. 

She inhaled deeply and let the smell of film and developing chemicals relax her mind. The red light was helpful too, blocking out the too-bright overcast day and allowing for her eyes to rest a little.

There was a record player in the corner, and she popped on some old jazz as she moved around the room setting up to start the process of developing her latest roll of film. She was excited to see what was on it, but unsure on how to go about hiding the photos from everyone else.

Twenty minutes into her work the teacher, Mr. Bev, stuck his head through the door.

“Alyssa. Your mother is here.”

Alyssa sighed. Of fucking course she was. She hopped down from her stool and made her way back into the main classroom, walking past the other students and out into the hallway.

“Alyssa, thank goodness!” her mother cried dramatically. Alyssa looked up at her apprehensively.

“Hi mom.”

“Do you have debate this afternoon?” she asked and Alyssa nodded.

“Ok. Well I’m going to be out of town for work for the next few days so I won’t be there when you get home. I’ll be back wednesday night.”

Alyssa looked up in surprise “wait. Actually?” 

“Yes. Now, I’ve left meal plans for you and have updated your schedule so that you won’t have to. Mrs. Klein has offered to check up on you so she’ll be over every night around 7 o’clock.”

“...did you come all the way here to tell me that? You could’ve just texted”. Her mother shook her head.

“Of course not dear. I came to see if the school had managed to get exempt from the new pride flag rule.”

Alyssa stiffened slightly but didn’t break form “Oh? What rule?”

“Well they’re saying all schools nationwide need to have a pride flag somewhere in the school to show solidarity for homosexual youth,” Her mother explained and Alyssa became filled with a small warmth of hope for the country and a deep feeling of dread for her school.

“That makes sense,” Alyssa dared to say “I mean students deserve to feel safe in their school.”

“There is only one homosexual at this school and that is Emma Nolan,” her mother responded with disgust “and if I had my way she would be relocated to another school to allow you guys to have a normal high school experience without her drama distracting you. There is no place for her here.”

Alyssa boiled with anger but remained silent. 

“I have to get back to class,” she said flatly, “enjoy your work trip and I’ll see you on wednesday.”

Her mother nodded approvingly at her silence on the subject of Emma Nolan. She knew her daughter wanted everyone to feel comfortable, but she couldn’t comprehend where she went wrong in allowing her daughter to accept the idea of homosexuality as natural. The silence, she reasoned, was Alyssa becoming more understanding of right and wrong in the eyes of God.

Alyssa was fuming when she made her way back into her class. How dare her mother say those things about Emma like she was unworthy of the town. The town was unworthy of her. 

Her girlfriend, she knew, was probably the nicest and kindest soul in Edgewater. Probably in Indiana. She was optimistic, hopeful, and kind despite everything that had happened to her. She treated almost everyone with respect they rarely deserved despite them being nothing but rude and harmful to her. 

Emma Nolan was, Alyssa knew, better than anyone else even bothered to find out. 

She realized in that moment, the anger and hurt towards her mother was worth recognizing. Her mom was against her happiness without even realizing it, and she wasn’t okay with that. 

She slipped out of the darkroom quickly, pulling out her phone and opening messages. 

Alyssa: would you be interested in coming over in the next two days?

Em: Will I be hunted for sport?

Alyssa: ...No. 

Em: that’s not convincing AT ALL

Alyssa: My mom has a business trip

Em: So she won’t kill me?

Em: OMG are we going to paint your house rainbow?

Alyssa: yes. 

Em: I’m so down. 

Alyssa: and if we don’t end up doing that particular activity…?

Em: still down.

Em: less fun though

Alyssa: says who?

Alyssa:  ;)

Em: I hate you

Alyssa: ok ms lets-fuck-in-a-church

Em: bowling alley.

Alyssa: fuck you

Em: that's what you said then too! Different tone though

Alyssa: I hate you so much

Em: Good.

Em: gtg, bouta fail a test

Alyssa: good luck

Alyssa: don’t die

Alyssa smiled down at her phone softly.

She was going to ruin her moms life so hard without her knowing it. The sacred house of Greene would be spoiled soon enough. 

***

Emma nearly tripped over her own feet as she made her way down the hall. 

It wasn’t her fault. And honestly, for the first time in ages, it wasn’t anyone picking on her either. 

No, Emma had fallen over for the simple reason that she was a lesbian. 

Indeed, it seemed, she was attracted to women. One in particular often had a noticeable effect on her whenever nearby. A curly haired, brown eyed, gorgeous cheerleader with a smile that could make the blonde’s stomach do acrobats.

So, yes, it seemed Emma Nolan had tripped herself because her girlfriend was too attractive in her cheerleading outfit for her to stand. Pun intended. 

The cheerleader in question turned back to look at her and winked, causing Emma to blush, which the burnette found to be an exceptional response because she grinned before turning back around to continue walking. 

Emma opened her locker and sighed, brushing aside the layer of small paper balls that had been shoved in there to cover her things and grabbed her textbook. 

The rest of the day went without issue. There was a moment in lunch when Emma passed the cafeteria where she had to check herself but other than that… no issue.

The game that night was a different story. 

Alyssa was a hard worker, there was no doubt about that. Emma sometimes worried Alyssa would burnout sometime soon, but she managed to hold her own somehow. Or she seemed like she did. The blonde knew there were many panic attacks, breakdowns, and one incident that involved hospitalization that her mother wouldn’t acknowledge, that were kept deep on the downlow. But Alyssa was nothing if not determined, so she kept going. 

As Emma paid for her snacks and made her way into the bleachers she quietly admired the way Alyssa still managed to look alive after cheer practice in the morning, four classes, a debate meeting, and now a football game. 

James Madison High School football games were a town event. Everyone would go to socialize, eat some food, and cheer on the Tigers. Edgewater wasn’t a big town and there wasn’t much in the way of entertainment so football games were an excuse to go insane on high school pride and popcorn. 

Emma found her way to her usual spot on the top inside corner of the bleachers and pulled out her phone. 

Emma: Good luck!

Alyssa “no-church-sex” Greene: I don’t need luck, I have talent

Emma: ok. Fall on your face!

Alyssa “I-have-talent” Greene: No <3

Alyssa “I-have-talent” Greene: ...you changed my contact name to that didn’t you

Emma: you’ll never know

Alyssa put her phone away, smiling as she tossed it into her gym locker. 

“Ooooo does Alyssa finally have a boyfriend?” one of the girls, Amanda, asked and she heard Shelby try to hide her snicker. Alyssa glared at her friend.

“No.” 

“You don’t smile like that very often though Greene,” another girl piped up, and it was Kaylee who was trying to hide her laughter this time.

“I don’t- I don’t have a boyfriend,” Alyssa tried not to grimace at the idea “I just have something I’m looking forward to.”

“A solid fuck would do you good honestly,” Charlie, one of the more outspoken give-no-shits type girls, called from across the room. Kaylee and Shelby fell into a puddle of laugher against the bench. Alyssa rolled her eyes at them. 

A whistle blew from outside and Alyssa allowed herself a small sigh of relief. 

“Saved by the bell Greene,” Shelby teased as Alyssa walked them out onto the field.

“You’re the worst,” Alyssa simply replied, shaking her nerves off her shoulders slightly as the music started.

“Time to focus Gonzalez. Wouldn’t want you to be…. distracted by anyone.”

Shelby glared at her and she grinned.

The routine began. 

Alyssa had to admit, for all the toxicity that cheerleading included, there was something peaceful about performing routines. The act of focusing on the music, her own body and it’s movements, her teammates, and the energy around her was simple and exhilarating. Alyssa hated the environment and general vibes of cheerleading, but the energy from the exercise and the performance, and her girlfriend blushing profusely in the stands made it all worth it. 

Emma was weak and she knew it. She hated sports. Especially football. The football team at James Madison were complete assholes to her all the time. They harassed her, verbally abused her, constantly fucked with her belongings and destroyed her locker,  publicly embarrassed her, and all that other fun stuff. And yet she showed up for every game and bought the snacks that went towards their program and sat amongst their fans for however long the game went on.

She was weak, and she was okay with that. Because she would break her own standards of social interaction and school spirit a hundred times over if it meant seeing Alyssa perform in her cheer uniform. She knew that technically that counts as “objectifying” and “sexualizing” her girlfriend, but she allowed herself the pass of “oh, that’s my girlfriend and I am allowed to look at her that way”.

She’d asked Alyssa once if it was okay and her girlfriend had assured her it was completely fine. And that she enjoyed having Emma there too. That was about four months into their relationship and Emma hadn’t missed a game since.

So Emma was being a sleazy creep with the consent of her girlfriend.

And what a joy that was. It made her Dumb Lesbian Brain™ go WEEEEEE and really, who could blame her?

Alyssa with her hair pulled up, makeup on, skirt almost censor-worthyly short, torso on show, and strong arms and legs at work... it was a gay panic waiting to happen. 

Emma watched as she moved alongside her team, moving with a grace that only came with hard work and dedication. Her hair whipped around, her smile never faltering, even as she helped toss Kaylee into the air and catch her again. For 2.5 minutes she performed flawlessly and Emma’s eyes didn’t stray once. 

Why would they?

There was a section that Emma could only describe as “hip-movey, kinda thrust-y, idk all I could focus on was the way Alyssa looked super hot doing it”. Alyssa made direct eye contact as she did it, and Emma very well could have fallen off her seat. It had happened once, her had been grandma with her and she laughed the whole way to the hospital. 

‘Enjoying the show?’

‘You’re hot.’

Alyssa winked at her and raised her eyebrows suggestively ‘My eyes are up here Nolan’

‘boobs’

‘You’re an idiot’

The game started. Emma zoned out. 

They won. The blonde appreciated that for reasons far from school spirit and town pride.

***

“Hi.”

“Oh now you’ll make eye contact with me.”

“I was busy admiring the view!”

“Of…” an eyebrow was raised.

“As much of you as I could see.”

Alyssa laughed and leant her weight against the beam that held up the bleachers. 

“You objectifying women, Nolan?” she teased and the blonde grinned.

“Only the ones who let me,” she replied, moving closer so she was in the cheerleader’s space.

“What kind of girl lets someone objectify them?” Alyssa asked, trying to keep her breathing steady as her girlfriend moved closer.

“Really pretty ones who know the objectifier loves them a lot?” Emma asked and watched as her girlfriend’s eyes softened and a blush covered her face.

“You suck,” Alyssa groaned, “why can’t you just be a dick and let me be horny in peace without making me all soft.”

Emma grinned “Sorry, here let me fix it,” she straightened up and put on her best man-child dude-bro fuck-boy impression.

“Babe,” she started, voice low, “You're super hot and I like your ass. Wanna fuck?”

They both burst into laughter, Alyssa recovering first and putting on her best Stereotypical HBIC impersonation. 

“Omg, like, totally. I’m like, so into not getting anything out of sex.”

They snickered again, Alyssa pulling Emma into her arms and holding her close. Emma pulled back so they were nose to nose before leaning down to kiss Alyssa softly. Alyssa hummed happily before pulling back and narrowing her eyes playfully. 

“I thought I said no softness,” she teased and Emma wrinkled her nose adorably. 

“Oh pardon me,” she replied, laughter lining her voice. She leaned in again, hands landing on Alyssa’s waist and pushed her into the beam harder as she deepened the kiss. Alyssa moaned quietly and let her hands wander mindlessly. 

They could have been there for hours, neither would have noticed. 

They weren’t. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Alyssa pulled back, breathing hard, and offered an idea.

“Come over for a bit?” she asked, and was met with an eager nod.

The two of them made their way into the now-empty parking lot hand in hand. Emma opened the door for Alyssa before making her way to the drivers side. She hopped in and started up the truck, laughing quietly when Alyssa curled into the passenger seat like the floor was lava.

“You sit gay,” she laughed and Alyssa glared at her playfully. 

“Oh boy do I have some news for you,” she grinned and Emma laughed as she pulled out of the school.

Chapter Text

Emma dropped Alyssa off at her house first, driving around the block to park her truck so no one would get suspicious. She walked up the rather intimidating driveway and knocked on the door. 

Alyssa cracked it open and Emma nearly died. 

She looked so pretty. In the time it had taken Emma to drop off the car she had gotten changed. She had opened the door in very little but Emma’s sweater which she had stolen earlier, her hair loose around her shoulders. In the porch light she looked so soft and cute and also annoyingly hot, and Emma couldn’t form a word. Alyssa pulled the blonde through the door and closed it, pushing her against it and kissing her soundly. 

Emma let herself sink into the kiss. Her hands buried in curls and her mind completely blanked as Alyssa’s lips moved down her neck and sucked hard on her pulse point. Her hands moved down and made their way to circle Alyssa’s waist.

Alyssa was pulled from her enjoyable activity of leaving hot kisses down Emma’s neck when the girl in question suddenly picked her up. She wrapped her legs around the blonde’s waist as she began to carry her into the house.

Alyssa kissed her again and Emma smiled before pulling back and saying “I have no idea where I’m supposed to be carrying you.”

Alyssa laughed and dropped her legs down to stand. She grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her towards the stairs. 

“Allow me to show you around,” she said, her voice teasing and scarily realtor-y (her mother talked a lot, the impression was practically flawless) despite the heated makeout session that had just been happening. 

“First stop?” Emma asked, knowing the answer.

“My room.”

“Not, like, any of the first floor?”

“Nope! I have plans for you and the living room won’t cut it.”

Emma blushed deeply and grinned “won’t argue with that. Lead the way”. 

***

“I think Kaylee and Shleby have fucked.”

Emma choked on her water. 

They were in the kitchen at Alyssa’s, lit up by only the stove light. Emma and Alyssa were sitting on opposing countertops, drinking water and snacking on the cookies Emma had brought with her for after the game. 

“ What? ” 

“They accidentally let it slip that they made out in the church basement once, but the way they act like it’s the most scandalous thing makes me think there’s more to it.”

“Okay, first of all. Do not start a sentence like that while I have liquid in my mouth ever again. Second, we live in Edgewater. Our biggest secret is that we’re in a relationship. Why wouldn’t they freak out if they let it slip?”

“I don’t know. They just seem sketchy.”

“Ok I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise not to get mad that I didn’t tell you sooner because I got beaten up twice for knowing it.”

Alyssa looked at her in confusion and mild concern before nodding. 

“Kaylee and Shelby have definitely fucked. I walked in on it.”

It was Alyssa’s turn to choke. 

“You- WHAT?!” 

“Remember last year when we went to the end of school party thingy?”

Alyssa wiggled her eyebrows suggestively “yes”. Emma rolled her eyes but continued, “Well, when I was looking for you, somone pushed me really hard into a door and it opened and BOOM an eyeful of Shelby and Kaylee fucking.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yep. And then they threatened me and sent their boyfriends after me. That was when they almost drowned me, remember that?”

Alyssa shot her a look. Yes I fucking remember . 

“Jesus.”

Emma smirked. “Yeah that’s what Kaylee was saying when Shelby was three fing-”

“AH NO SHHHH” Alyssa leapt across the kitchen to shove her hand over Emma’s mouth “I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT”

Emma’s muffled laughter rang through the empty kitchen. Alyssa couldn’t help the smile that made its way across her face as much as she tried to suppress it. The blonde licked up Alyssa’s hand and she pulled it away, wiping it on Emma’s leg without a word and glaring at her. 

“You’re gross.”

“You shoved your hand over my mouth.”

“And you licked it . You don’t know where this hand has been.”

Emma couldn’t help the smug grin that took over her features as she said “I mean…” she wiggled her eyebrows. 

Alyssa stuck her tongue out as a blush made its way down her neck. 

“God you’re so cute,” Emma muttered, pulling Alyssa closer to her. The shorter girl stepped between her legs and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s waist, tucking her face into her neck.

“I’m not cute,” she countered quietly and felt a chuckle.

“No?” 

“No. I’m a badass.”

Emma laughed, nodding.

“Yeah. A really fucking cute one.”

Alyssa pulled back to look at her and narrowed her eyes.

“You’re cute.” she said, throwing it like a counter-argument.

Emma tried not to laugh at the silliness of the situation, which led to Alyssa trying not to laugh, which led to them making faces at each other trying to get the other to break. Eventually, Emma gave up and pulled Alyssa in for a soft kiss. 

Alyssa smiled into the kiss before pulling back to bury herself in Emma’s shoulder once more.

“I love you,” she whispered into the skin there, and she felt a hum.

“I love you too.”

***

Time slipped away after that. School became the number one priority for all senior students as the veil of a peaceful last year was ripped from under them, leaving hours of studying, excessive caffeine, lots of crying, and absolutely no sleep behind. 

“ You’re not getting out of this Alyssa. ”

“But-”

“ No, no buts. ”

“Em, I have so much to do.”

“ I know! I know. But ‘Lys, Gran misses you. I miss you. It’s been weeks, she’s gonna show up at your front door and drag you over for dinner if you don’t come soon. ”

Alyssa sighed. She missed them too. It had been a busy month. She had seen Emma approximately once a week to study for chemistry and that was it. Four weeks, barely any kisses, insane amounts of stress….. She missed the Nolans a lot. 

“...okay. I’ll be there soon.”

“ Yes! I love you. Okay I have to go then ‘cause I’m at the shops and you and Gran are terrible gossips when I’m not around ”

“You’re obnoxious. I’ll see you later.”

Her mom walked past her room and stopped in the open doorway. Alyssa hung up and looked to her mother who was giving her a questioning look. 

“Who will you see later?” she asked, not pleased. 

“Kaylee. We’re having a studying girls night. Facemasks and studying for the,” she paused for a millisecond “bio exam.”

Her mom considered her for a second, but seemingly decided to trust her. 

“Sleepover?” 

“I’ll ask. It’ll be late if not.”

“Okay.” 

Alyssa: sleepover, yay or nay?

Em: yay if you want

Alyssa: yay it is.

"Queer Captains (+ Em's on the bleachers)"

Group: Alyssa Greene, Shelby Gonzalez, Kaylee Klein

Alyssa: if my mom asks, we’re having a girls study night sleepover for the bio exam

Kaylee “Yes ma’am” Klein: yes ma’am

Shelbs: understood.

Shelbs: enjoy your girlfriend

Alyssa: enjoy yours 

Kaylee “yes ma’am” Klein: Shelby has a girlfriend?

Shelbs: no, Alyssa’s just a dick

Alyssa: bye

Shelbs: I hate you.

Kaylee “yes ma’am” Klein: I’m so confused.

Three days prior, Shelby had finally admitted to Alyssa she had fallen for her best friend. Alyssa had made a joke about how she was already taken, but hugged her anyways and told her it would be okay. She had no idea if it would. 

Kaylee and Shelby were a team. They always had been. The two of them and Alyssa were the strongest group at James Madison High, and that was not to be taken lightly. With Alyssa’s determination, Kaylee’s mischief, and Shelby’s resources, the three of them were practically unstoppable to the rest of the school. But Shelby and Kaylee had a special bond that would be devastating for both of them if it ever shattered.

So, Shelby had decided she wouldn’t tell Kaylee, and Alyssa had promised she wouldn’t either. 

They had kissed, they had had sex 0.9 times, it was up to them to decide if they wanted to be in a relationship or stay friends who sometimes had drunk hookups. 

Alyssa, however, was still a pain. First and foremost, she was their best friend, and she wouldn’t let the crush being Kaylee have an effect on the fact that she had to make fun of them. 

It was rule #5 in the Best Friendship Contract of 2012.

She packed her bag quickly, stuffing her books under her bed so her mom would think she took them with her and headed downstairs. 

“Sleepover! See you tomorrow!” She called

“Okay!” was the response from the living room.

Alyssa slipped out the front door, putting in her headphones as she went. She could drive, it would take half the time and way less energy. But it was a nice night, cold , but nice, so she walked instead. 

She got about halfway before her phone buzzed.

Incoming Call: B. Nolan

“Hello?”

“ Alyssa darling, hi. ”

“Is everything okay?”

“ Not quite. I don’t mean to rush you dear but Emma’s having a moment and it’s probably best if you hurry a little. Your presence might help her. ”

A “moment” as Betsy called it, could be one of many things. Usually they included: a panic attack, a state of dissociation, or a generalized meltdown. They were rare, but they were never good. Emma was a calm person, but she was not untouchable to the claws of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. She was only human. 

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in five.”

“Ok, see you soon.”

“See you soon. Thanks for telling me.”

“Of course love,” and Betsy hung up.

Alyssa had at least 15 minutes left of her walk, but Kaylee’s house was just up the street. She sprinted up the road, turning up at the perfectly cared for lawn and up the driveway. Kaylee answered the door on the second knock.

“You good?” she asked and Alyssa nodded.

“Can I borrow your bike?”

“Uh, sure? Why?”

“Betsy called. I need to move faster than I can run.”

“Is she okay? Betsy?”

“She’s fine. Emma needs help though.”

“Ah,” Kaylee nodded in understanding. Emma had had these experiences when she was younger too. More due to anxiety than anything else, but Kaylee couldn’t imagine they would’ve gotten better after everything she had gone through.

She pulled her bike into the driveway and handed it to Alyssa who immediately hopped on.

“Let me know if you need anything.”

“When did you start to care so much?” Alyssa joked and Kaylee stuck her tongue out. 

“We’ve got history Greene. She deserves to feel okay.”

“Fair. I’ll text you. Thank you so much.”

“Bye!”

Alyssa was already gone.

If it had been rush hour, Alyssa would have died. She sped through Edgewater at an unholy pace, turning corners and taking shortcuts that could have ended badly if a car was coming in any direction.

She made it to the Nolan’s in a record breaking four minutes. She pulled Kaylee’s bike up onto the porch and leaned it against the wall, not bothering to knock before entering the house. She dropped her backpack by the door and slid off her shoes, calling to Betsy to let her know she had arrived.

“Good God you’re fast,” Betsy said from the kitchen where she was preparing dinner “she’s upstairs. Headphones in so don’t bother knocking.” 

“Thanks.”

“Alyssa?” Betsy called after her, she stuck her head back through the doorway

“Yeah?”

“It’s nice to see you.”

Alyssa grinned despite herself and took a few steps to pull the older woman in for a hug. “It’s good to see you too”.

Emma was not doing great. She was on her bed, laying upside down, headphones on, staring blankly at the roof. 

Panic attack.

Or, what was left of it.

“Babe?” Alyssa called quietly to the other girl, trying not to startle her. Emma didn’t move. She made her way over to the bed and waved to get the blonde’s attention. She blinked up at her, lifting her hand in recognition that yes, she knew Alyssa was there, but didn’t say anything.

Alyssa moved to sit against the headboard, keeping an eye on Emma as she continued to stare at the ceiling. After a few minutes, Emma sat up and faced her girlfriend, holding out her hand. Alyssa copied her, and Emma’s fingers found her wrist. She tapped in morse code:

Nick

“What did he do?” Alyssa asked, and Emma flinched at the memory.

Stairs

“He- he threw you down a flight of stairs?!” 

Emma nodded. Alyssa bristled with anger. “Why?”.

Gay.

A moment passed 

Loud slurs

“I’ll kill him”

Not worth jail

“I disagree. I think it would be extremely worth it.”

I love you

“I love you too,” Alyssa softened. Emma turned around and lay back so her head was in Alyssa’s lap, closing her eyes and sinking into the softness of her girlfriend. Alyssa automatically started running her fingers through messy curls, and leaned down to kiss the blonde’s forehead. 

It was moments like that that Alyssa and Emma were forced to realize the depth of their situation. Kaylee and Shleby may have come around, but they knew most people wouldn’t. Truly, if Kaylee and Shleby weren’t already gay, they would have been much worse to Emma then they already had been. Edgewater Indiana was dangerous for them. All of them.

Emma had been kicked out. She had been lucky to have a loving grandmother to help her. She had been beaten, harassed, and mistreated every day since the news hit the town. Slurs were thrown in her direction, people refused to speak to her, churchgoers would whisper at her or hold their crosses closer to their hearts when she walked past. The school was no less harsh, if anything it was worse. People were ruthless, yelling, spitting, muttering, glaring, tripping, “accidentally” punching and kicking.

In the moments like that, with Emma overtaken by anxiety and pain and Alyssa holding her close, they were forced to come head first with the truth. No matter how much their moments together were perfect, they would never get to hold hands, dance with, or kiss each other openly in their hometown. 

Tears made their way down Alyssa’s face and she didn’t bother to try to hide them. Emma held her hand and pulled it to press a kiss to her palm. Alyssa cried harder.

How could something so pure and lovely and real be hated so deeply? How could it be used as reasoning for causing harm? It wasn’t fair. Why did Nick Boomer and Lexy Bates get to smother the hallway with their toxic bullshit but Emma and Alyssa had to meet in the band closet or under the bleachers just to talk to each other? Why did Daniel Parker and his girlfriend of the week get to display unholy amounts of PDA but Kaylee and Shelby couldn’t even share a drunk kiss without fearing for their lives? 

“I love you so much Emma Nolan,” she whispered, voice thick “you don’t deserve any of this”. 

Neither do you .

***

Betsy made her way upstairs about an hour and a half after Alyssa arrived. She knocked quietly but was met with silence. She opened the door to find probably the most sweet and heartbreaking thing she’d ever seen. 

The two girls were laying on the bed intertwined, tear tracks evident on Alyssa’s face via mascara and Emma’s glasses askew. They were fast asleep. The room was blanketed in a thick silence. 

On the bedside table there was a picture of Emma and Alyssa on their six month anniversary, it was the two of them on Betsy’s porch swing, Emma laying across the bench with Alyssa on top of her. They were asleep in that photo too, peaceful and happy. Betsy had taken Alyssa’s camera from where she had left it in the kitchen and snapped the photo without waking them. She didn’t tell them she had taken it. Two weeks later Alyssa developed the film and found the photo. She instantly made two copies. One for herself, which she kept in her side table drawer hidden between the pages of the bible, and one for Emma, which she had framed and given her for their one year anniversary six months later. 

The contrast of the photo next to the two sleeping girls broke Betsy’s heart. There they were, just over a year ago, snoozing happily under piles of blankets on her front porch, love, peace, and happiness the only thing in their minds that day. And there they were now, wrapped together for comfort after Emma had been hate crimed for the second time that month and Alyssa had been called to help keep her safe and comfortable afterwards.

They deserved happiness. Betsy sat on the edge of the bed softly and looked at them. They deserved to feel love without fear. They deserved to be able to go outside of her house and be open and in love and proud of who they were. 

But Edgewater was Edgewater. And Veronica Greene was a perfectionist, narcissistic, Karen™ with deep-rooted hatred and bigotry towards anyone who strayed too far from the God she had been raised to worship without question. 

“Girls,” she called quietly into the stiflingly silent room “dinner is ready.”

She received two sleepy groans of recognition from the girls, and she made her way back downstairs to set up the table. As she placed the cutlery down she made her own small prayer to whoever was out there.

May the two of them find peace in love in their lives .

***

“That is not a word.”

“It is too!

“Gran, tell Alyssa that isn’t a word.”

“It’s a word.”

“What?! Noooo,” Emma groaned as Alyssa played another obnoxiously large and fancy word.

“Gotta keep up with that english homework Nolan,” she teased and was met with a glare.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know Trinitrotoluene was mentioned in Macbeth.”

Alyssa laughed, Emma stuck her tongue out at her.

“What the fuck does it even mean?!”

“It’s the full word for TNT,” Alyssa explained and she was met with a bewildered look.

“How do you even know that?!”

“I’m a genius.”

… “hey ‘Lys?”

“What?”

“What colour is the wool Gran’s knitting with?”

“Um,” Alyssa turned her head to check and was met with the sound of crashing and wooden tiles hitting the floor.

“EMMA”

“It’s within my right.”

“And you called me a sore loser.”

***

“She’s so going to kick me out one of these days,” Alyssa breathed and Emma chuckled against her lips.

“She won’t”.

“HALLWAY RULE STILL APPLIES PAST MIDNIGHT!”

“SORRY”

Alyssa silently decided the giant portrait of Ryan Gosling was the one snitching on them. 

They moved slowly towards Emma’s room, eventually pulling the door closed behind them. Emma sat on her bed, Alyssa moving to straddle her and pull her back into a kiss that left them both breathless. She deepened the kiss, shivering despite the heat that coursed through her body at the feeling. She moved away, tossing offending curls back over her shoulder as she pressed kisses down Emma’s neck.

Emma stopped her after a minute. She pulled back to see what was wrong but was met instead with determined eyes.

“Is cheer done until winter?”

“Yes”

“Can I…” Alyssa just nodded. The blonde flipped them around, moving to remove the shorter girl’s shirt and smiling softly at the look of love and desire thrown back at her. She pressed soft kisses down Alyssa’s neck, making sure not to leave a mark. As she made her way down her kisses became less soft and much more purposeful. She heard a sharp intake of breath from above her and allowed herself a smug smile, enjoying the way Alyssa reacted to her.

She moved back up to kiss Alyssa properly, her hands wandering over the expanse of skin left exposed by her girlfriend’s lack of shirt while she kissed her deeply. Alyssa moaned quietly and Emma couldn’t help the hum of satisfaction that filled her body at the sound.

“We’re going to get so much shit for this in the morning,” she muttered against soft lips and was met with a look of exasperated amusement. 

“Definitely,” her girlfriend replied, pulling her ever closer “but I think it’s worth it,” she leaned so her lips where next to Emma’s ear “don’t you?”

Chapter Text

“Y’all are as subtle as a train whistle in a graveyard,” Betsy greeted them the next morning, “don’t even try to act sorry, I can see the proof you're not. Come eat your pancakes.”

They certainly couldn’t deny anything, so Alyssa and Emma entered the dining room with bright blushes and no comebacks. It was early, maybe 7am, but they were awake regardless. Betsy knew that the girls liked quiet mornings. Talking was for later, usually 9:30ish. Before that, the quiet eating, having coffee on the porch, and spending time in each other’s company was enough for the three of them. 

So they ate quietly, a comfortable silence blanketing them, only breaking it to ask for syrup or berries. Emma did the dishes while Alyssa made them drinks, and they settled into the living room to relax for a small while.

It had been some time since that had happened. Relaxing. With upcoming end of term exams, unit tests, labs, galleries, band and choir performances, debate competitions, cheer practice, rehearsals, and final projects, there had been little time to spend doing nothing. 

“Harry Potter, Narnia, or Pirates?” Betsy called from the living room as the girls finished up in the kitchen.

“Harry Potter?”

“Harry Potter.”

“HARRY POTTER!”

“Okay!”

Emma smiled to herself as she put the last plate away. It was easy, the three of them having a morning in to do nothing and spend time together. It was worth it. Whatever the bullshit that was coming was, Emma knew it would be worth it if she meant she could keep having mornings like this sometimes.

Alyssa’s phone went off on the counter and she picked it up quickly.

“Hi mom,” she said, Emma made a face.

“ Alyssa. How was the sleepover? ” a blush covered her face as a knowing smirk made its way across her girlfriend’s face.

“Good. Turns out biology is pretty easy once you get down to it.” Emma wiggled her eyebrows and Alyssa rolled her eyes.

“ Good to hear. When will you be home? ”

“I think we’ll spend the day studying still so probably around four.”

“ Okay. I have a showing then, do you have a key? ”

“Yep”

“ I’ll see you for dinner ”

“Okay, bye”

“ Bye ”

She hung up the phone and dropped it back on the counter, laughing quietly at the look on Emma’s face.

“Biology?”

“Was I wrong? No.”

“Babe.”

Alyssa grinned and moved to stand in front of her girlfriend. She immediately pulled into a hug and she softened at the feeling of it.

“You’re my favourite nerd, you know that?”

“And you’re mine.”

“And you’re both mine. Movie time, lets go.” The girls turned to look at Betsy with matching smiles, moving apart to head towards the living room. 

The three of them piled onto the couch, a mess of pillows, blankets, and laughter as they situated themself for the movie. Betsy handed them bowls of dry Lucky Charms to snack on as they watched claiming it was the “breakfast alternative for popcorn”. She wasn’t technically wrong. 

***

“A what?”

“A school trip.”

“Where? How? Why? ” 

“It’s your grad year Alyssa. You deserve a class trip.”

“What about the camping trip at the end of the year?” she asked, and then another question came to mind, “Where are we going?”

“The west coast. And you’re still having the camping trip.”

“W h a t” 

School trips were never a good thing. The experiences usually were, seeing new places and learning new things and spending time with friend’s, that part was good. But the drama, the emotional exhaustion, and the requirement to be around people for 10 days straight? Not good.

Alyssa used to like school trips. It was a chance to spend the weekend with her friends and see new things. She liked the late night talks in hotel rooms and tents, she liked the bus rides with the out-of-tune singing, and after her dad left, she enjoyed eating whatever she wanted because her mom wasn’t there to stop her. But that was before she had something to hide. That was before she knew she was gay, before she was deeply and helplessly in love with the school’s most condemned student, before she had anything to lose.

Secrets were never kept on school trips, everyone knew that. Whatever you were hiding, by the time the plane landed back in Indiana, it would no longer be solely yours to keep. And unlike Vegas, wherever happened on a James Madison High School Trip™, did not stay on the James Madison High School Trip™. 

Endless rules apply 

Your whole life’s a lie

Jesus fucking Christ

You’re Alyssa Greene.

“I thought you’d be excited!” Her mother exclaimed, a look of annoyance on her face. Alyssa quickly pulled her walls back up, scolding herself for the moment of weakness.

“I am!” she lied “It just took me by surprise. I’m sure it will be amazing.”

Her mother hummed in agreement, moving to the fridge where a giant colour coded calendar of Alyssa’s life was hanging, opening it to March and circling the start day of the trip.

March 2nd. 

She had three weeks to figure out what the fuck she was going to do.

***

“We’re fucked.”

“Occasionally, and only consensually,” Emma didn’t even look up from her book. 

“Em.”

“You’ve given me no context so I’m responding accordingly!”

“The school trip.”

Emma looked up. Alyssa had the nervous look on her face. The one that she had whenever someone came too close to catching them together or when she was considering the pain that being herself was going to cause her in the future.

“‘Lys,” The blonde stood from her spot on the crate she was using as a seat and crossed the small space of the band closet quickly, holding out her hands for Alyssa to take. “You’re going to be okay”. 

Alyssa didn’t seem to believe her, and she couldn’t blame her. James Madison school trips were notorious for revealing deep secrets and causing drama, and Alyssa had a lot to hide. And it wasn’t the kind of secret that may just make her friends mad at her for a while, that kind of secret was nothing compared to the seriously dangerous outcomes of what would happen if Alyssa was outed on that trip. 

“But what if I’m not? What if someone figures it out and they tell my mom, god what if my mom finds out . Everything could fall apart and I really don’t think I could handle that I-”

“Alyssa.” Emma stopped her rambling, moving a few stray curls out of her face and gently placing her hands at the nape of her neck, “You will be okay. We’ll be extra careful. We can stay apart as much as possible, maybe avoid the whole longing looks thing, and uh, I guess just overall avoid acting in love.”

“I hate acting like I’m not in love with you,” Alyssa whispered “you deserve someone who is willing to love you loudly.”

“I know you do,” Emma responded softly, pulling her closer “and you do love me loudly. Just because other people can’t hear it doesn’t mean I don’t. I hear it loud and clear and I hope I yell it back just as much. I don’t care what you think I deserve Alyssa Greene, I want you.”

“I want you too”

“Yeah?” the blonde pulled her ever closer, they were nose to nose now, “well good. Because otherwise the past year would have been really awkward.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, ignoring the way they were still slightly watery.

“Just,” she tried to find the words but landed on nothing “kiss me. Please”.

Emma didn’t hesitate to oblige. 

***

“Lunch ends in 15 minutes Alyssa we’re not doing this.”

“Please?”

“No!”

“Por favor, pour moi?” 

“Those are different languages moron.”

“Shelby Gonzalez for fucks sake talk to me.”

“I just,” Shelby began “I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“Oh, and you and Kaylee walking around eggshells with each other isn’t awkward?”

“It’s better than losing her!”

“You two have literally had sex.”

Shelby’s head whipped up in a mix of horror and surprise, Alyssa’s eyes widened.

“fuck”

“How do you know that?” Shelby demanded and Alyssa’s face went guilty. Not just because she was so weak at keeping her mouth shut, but because Emma had also had an attempted drowning for knowing that and she had exposed her just like that.

“I guessed. You two have tension.”

“You didn’t fucking guess. Did Nolan tell you?” Shelby looked terrified, and angry. The anger was worse.

“I asked her! She hasn’t told anyone else I swear I know that for a fact,” suddenly Alyssa turned into Protective Girlfriend Mode “besides, your boyfriends tried to drown her for knowing it, so she was wary to even tell me.”

The other girl at least had the decency to look sorry. 

"We just- we couldn’t risk it.”

“Emma almost died, Shelbs so like, whatever.”

“You guys were dating then?”

“Yeah, we’ve been dating since the start of junior year? That happened literally last spring?”

“...was it scary?”

Alyssa was surprised by the tone of genuine concern and uncomfort that laced Shelby’s when she asked the question. She thought for a moment, remembering that night. She had been at home, working on some kind of homework, she couldn’t remember what, but she remembered the phone call coming in. 

“ Alyssa, Emma’s in the hospital.”

“What?”

“The football team tied cement bricks to her feet and tossed her into the lake.”

“Oh my god”

“I- Alyssa I don’t know what to do. She’s in so much pain. Is it possible for you to be here?”

Alyssa knew she shouldn’t, but she couldn’t leave them alone. Emma needed her there, and it sounded like Betsy did too. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Where are you guys?”

“Edgewater General, room 307”

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

She biked, the cold rain uncaring that it was supposed to be spring as she sped through the town towards the hospital. She didn’t even bother locking up the bike, running through the halls until she found room 307 and was immediately pulled into a hug.

Emma was on the bed. She was still damp, her body shivering despite her being unconscious. Alyssa rushed forwards and grabbed onto the blonde's hand, her body reacting suddenly to the deep coldness that shot through her at the contact. She was so cold, so lifeless. The fact that she was alive was a miracle. 

Alyssa leaned forward, kissing Emma’s forehead and whispering something in her ear.

Emma had no idea, but that night was the first time Alyssa told her she loved her. She told her again a few weeks later on their six month anniversary, and Emma had smiled so widely she was glad she hadn’t heard her in the hospital that day.

“It was terrifying,” Alyssa admitted “it was the first time I told her I loved her. She doesn’t even know that.”

“I’m so sorry,” Shelby whispered, tears running down her cheeks in a mix of shade and horror. She almost melted into the hug the other girl pulled her into. Depite everything she had done, despite all the pain she had caused, Alyssa was still willing to hug her. 

“I won’t say it’s okay because it’s so far from okay, but I need you to know that we won’t let anyone hurt you. You are not alone.”

“I believe you. And that’s terrifying.”

“I know,” Alyssa agreed, fear constantly pulling at her own heart “we’ll get through this”

She had no idea if they would.

Chapter Text

Valentines day was so fucking unfair.

Like, there were all these asshole straight people who got to flaunt around their cheesy - horny - bullshit, and anyone who didn’t fit into the hallmark ideal was a fraudulent mischievous deviant sinner?

Fuck that.

“Alyssa,” Emma groaned as her girlfriend left hot kisses down her neck “this is so dangerous.”

She knew that, of course she did, but it had been a long day of watching everyone else be gross and in love and it was her turn. Even if that turn was a weak excuse to her lunch table about having to ask a teacher a question and a quick makeout session in the downstairs bathroom.

“I know,” she whispered, “but I was tired of watching everyone else and I wanted a turn.”

“This is literally the least sanitary place to be doing this,” the blonde pointed out and Alyssa moved away to give her a look.

“Do you have a better idea?”

“Yes, actually, but we’re not doing it.”

“Why not?”

Emma grinned, pulling Alyssa closer so she was next to her ear, “because it involves you, me, and skipping last block.”

“We can’t.”

“That’s why we’re not gonna do it. I’m just saying there’s better choices than making out in the least used bathroom at a public high school and hoping we don’t get caught or HIV in the process.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, “Well sorry for finding you attractive enough to risk it”.

“Mmm” Emma nodded, a teasing faux-serious look on her face “I knew I was irresistible.”

“Oh my god shut up”

“Make me.”

“Oh,” Alyssa smirked, pulling Emma so their lips were just barely touching “I plan on it.”

***

“Will you be my valentine?”

“Absofuckinglutely not.”

“Why not?”

“I already have a valentine?”

“Who?” Alyssa looked up and panic shot through her as Nick Boomer stood behind her.

“None of your business Boomer, you don’t stand a chance anyways,” Shelby cut in quickly.

“No one asked you Gonzalez.”

“No one wants you here,” the brunette shot back. They bickered back and forth, allowing Alyssa to calm her speeding heart and racing thoughts a little.

“No seriously, who’s your valentine Alyssa? Who finally managed to win the heart of the Unattainable Alyssa Greene?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alyssa tried, and was given a look in return that said something like: give me a chance then babe and also I don't  believe you. 

“Leave it alone dude,” Kaylee said as she sat down at the table. Nick glared at her.

“Fine, but whoever it is, I could be better.”

Alyssa had to fight down both the feeling of disgust and laughter at that. No, he could not. 

“He’s a literal monster, why did you ever date him?” Shelby asked and Kaylee gave her a look.

“Because he was nice at the start, and then because it was expected of me.”

“...yeah. Makes sense.”

Alyssa’s phone buzzed and she picked it up, smiling as she read the message.

Em: are we valentines?

Alyssa: I hope so babe

Em: just checking

Em: would you be interested in going out tonight?

Alyssa: I would love to

Alyssa: where would we go?

Em: I have a plan, you just have to wait and see

Alyssa: oooo mysterious

Alyssa: r u going to kidnap and kill me?

Alyssa: bc I’d be down

Em: you’re an idiot

Em: no. I have a plan that includes much more pleasantries than murder

Alyssa: omg chocolate

Em: better than chocolate

Alyssa: nothing is better than chocolate

Em: ouch.

“If you’re sexting right now I’m going to scream,” Kaylee said around a spoonful of soup and Alyssa glared at her.

“I’m not sexting.”

“No? Then why are you blushing?”

“Because it’s warm in here.”

It wasn’t. It was freezing. 

“It is not, it's literally so cold in here,” Shelby gave her a knowing look.

“.....yeah okay fair, it’s freezing in here. But still, not sexting. Just normal texting.”

“I don’t believe you,” Kaylee sang and received an eye roll and her head pushed away as she tried to read the messages over Alyssa’s shoulder. 

Alyssa: I’ll see you tonight then

Em: is 5 good?

Alyssa: yep. I’ll tell my mom I’m w Kaylee and Shelby

Em: and what will you tell kaylee and shelby?

Alyssa looked over at her friends who were watching her with smug looks, reading the messages upside down.

Alyssa: that I’m staying at home as to not interrupt their valentines date

Em: lmao drag ‘em babe

Alyssa: always.

Alysaa: they saw the message, they’re trying to kill me, gtg

Alyssa: love you

Em: love you too

“ALYSSA!” Shelby and Kaylee were both giving her looks of pure exasperated best-friend Hatred. She laughed loudly, stealing one of Shelby’s fries. 

***

Emma pulled up to the corner of Garrison and Moores at 4:58pm, a small smile on her face and a plan in her mind. It was snowing, unfortunately, but it wasn’t the end of the world. 

Alyssa arrived at 5:00 exactly. She hopped up into the passenger side, kissing Emma quickly on the cheek as she pulled the door closed behind her.

“It’s freezing out.”

“I hope you dressed warm then,” Emma teased and watched as the fear set in Alyssa’s face. 

“Seriously? You’re going to make me be cold on valentines day?” Alyssa complained “I thought you loved me!”

“I do love you. I just also love where we’re going and it may not be super warm the whole time due to... technicalities.”

“...the whole time?”

“Well, if all goes according to plan...” the blonde wiggled her eyebrows around and Alyssa rolled her eyes playfully.

“You’re an idiot”

“So I’ve been told.”

Emma pulled the car back out and made a left down Bakerfield a few minutes later. Bakerfield was the road that led to three of the town’s summer farms and the “party fields”. Robertsons’ Berry Farm, Allen’s Farm & Corn Maze, and the Nolan’s Orchards, alongside the long abandoned Graverfells Fields were the four main attractions of Bakerfield Road. Unless of course you counted the telephone poles and wires that ran parallel to the road, which most people didn’t.

They kept driving, Emma’s usual driving playlist keeping them well enough entertained as they continued down the old road. Eventually Emma pulled into a dirt road that led to the orchard, smiling as she practically heard Alyssa’s brain working hard to figure out what they were doing there. She had to bite her lip to hide the smile when Alyssa let out a noise of frustrated confusion when instead of driving towards the main house, Emma turned down one of the many rows of currently very bare trees and started moving away from the main structure. 

“Where are we going?” Alyssa finally had to ask, trying not to give away that she was dying to know.

“You’ll see,” was the response, and Alyssa tried to muffle the groan that attempted to escape without her permission. She hadn’t spent much time at the Nolan farm since she was very young. Summers were full for her often, and when she did manage to steal some time off from whatever her mother had her doing or Kaylee and Shelby had her attending, she and Emma would meet at the Nolan household instead. 

She had made trips out to the orchard of course, it was a popular place for people in the summer and fall to spend time having picnics and picking fruits. Her father used to take her out each summer to spend Saturdays at Nolans Orchards. He would chase her around, running through the rows of trees and laughing as they goofed around. Her mother would watch with a happy smile and laugh along when her dad would scoop Alyssa up and spin her around. 

Overall, Alyssa thought she’d spent maybe a few hours with Emma on the land, and she suddenly wished it was a lot more because the suspense was killing her. 

Finally, they pulled up outside of a small barn. 

“What the fuck Nolan are you actually planning on killing me?” Alyssa asked, eyeing the old building with mild concern but deep interest.

“Yes.”

There was a moment and then Emma turned to look at her. 

“I know this sounds sketchy because I just said I was going to kill you, but I need you to close your eyes.”

Alyssa shot her a look and she smiled sheepishly back. 

“Do you trust me?”

Alyssa melted a little and Emma considered it a win.

“Of course I do.”

“Sap.”

“Asshole.”

She closed her eyes and let Emma guide her out of the truck and towards the barn. She heard the squeaking of a door open and then felt a rush of warm air as she stepped into what she assumed to be the inside of the barn. The blonde led her further into the room, closing the door behind them before stopping her walking and wrapping her arms around the shorter girl’s waist from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder.

“You can open your eyes now,” she whispered, and Alyssa gasped quietly when she did. 

The barn was small, a little dusty, and decorated beautifully. There was a small fire burning in the center of the room, and a blanket on the ground with an array of food placed upon it. Soft music filled the air and fairy lights were strung from one wall to another in a zigzag. In the corner of the room was a loft with a small bed freshly made upon it, and strings full of heart beads hung from the roof in various lengths, and flowers were strewn across multiple surfaces. 

Alyssa turned to face her girlfriend, a look of overwhelming love overtaking her features.

“Have I ever told you just how much I love you?” she asked quietly, and received a soft smile in return.

“I become more of a mess every time you do.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Alyssa whispered against soft lips and was met with a chaste kiss and a look of unwavering admiration.

“You deserve everything Alyssa Greene,” she was pulled into another kiss and she practically melted.

“You deserve the world Emma Nolan.”

Emma cupped Alyssa’s face in her hands and gave a goofy smile, “I have the world in my hands.”

The brunette fake gagged at this, and her girlfriend burst into laughter.

“God you’re so sappy”

“Sorry not sorry,” Emma grinned at her and Alyssa couldn’t help but grin back. She didn’t bother to try and fight it. 

“So,” Emma started, weaving their fingers together and leading Alyssa even further into the space “food?”

Alyssa laughed, “always food.”

They sat on the blanket across from each other, eating food and throwing jokes back and forth. It was the easiest thing really, spending time together and enjoying themselves.

“And for dessert,” Emma exclaimed dramatically “the traditional and very basic chocolate dipped strawberries, accompanied by Betsy Nolans very own range of mini tarts”

“Your grandmother truly does love me,” Alyssa pretended to swoon and Emma threw her a faux-displeased look.

“Oh yeah, swoon over my grandmother,” she stood to pace in a ridiculous manner “pay no attention to your girlfriend. Who is she again?”

She stopped behind Alyssa who tipped her head back to look at her, “a nerd. My girlfriend is a nerd.”

“Who’s girlfriend? I don’t remember you having one.”

“Emma Nolan sit down right now.”

“No,” the blonde put on a pout and Alyssa rolled her eyes, finally moving to stand up and face her. 

“You’re such a drama queen”

“Have you met my grandmother?” Emma joked, then paused dramatically “oh wait….”

“You're a child,” Alyssa pointed out and Emma grinned at her.

“Well children need attention and my gran is stealing all of mine. And she’s not even here.”

“Oh my god,” Alyssa couldn’t help the small smile that made its way into her face “you’re jealous of your grandmother .”

“I am not!”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are to-” she was cut off by Emma pulling her forwards suddenly and bringing her into a soft kiss. She melted into it, deepening the kiss as her hands made their way into blonde curls and Emma pulled her closer by the waist. She nipped lightly on Emma’s lip which caused the other girl to let out a quiet moan, giving her a chance to deepen the kiss further, grinning when she was met with yet another sound from deep within her girlfriend’s chest. Emma moved them slowly backwards, her hands coming under Alyssa’s sweater and shirt, pulling them over her head. Alyssa blushed despite the fact that this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, ever nervous under Emma’s loving gaze.

“You’re so pretty,” Emma whispered into her skin, leaving slow kisses down her neck as she backed Alyssa up against the ladder to the loft.

“You’re wearing more clothes than me,” Alyssa answered breathlessly, receiving a hum of agreement against her shoulder “doesn’t seem fair.”

“Do something about it then,” the blonde challenged. Alyssa Greene never backed down from a challenge. Her hands moved from Emma’s hair to her shirt, a smirk crossing her features as she quickly slid the flannel off of her shoulders, tossing it onto the blanket so it didn’t get dirty, before quickly removing her hoodie and shirt as well.

They stood there for a moment, taking it all in. They were forehead to forehead, standing in nothing but pants and bras, breathing roughly. The fairy lights cast a soft glow against them, each considering how lucky they were, how beautiful their girlfriend was, each sending a silent prayer to whomever was out there that this could be their forever. 

“I love you so much,” Alyssa breathed against Emma’s lips.

“I love you,” was echoed back to her equally as quietly. They melted together again, laughing as they made their way up the ladder and towards the old bed in the loft. They fell onto the bed, Emma on her back, Alyssa straddling her hips and leaving kisses across her neck and chest. 

Incoming Call: Shelbs Gonzelbs

They both groaned as they moved apart, Alyssa pulling her phone out of her back pocket and shooting an apologetic look at Emma as she slid her thumb over the screen to answer. 

“This better be fucking important Gonzalez,” she said, her breathing less than stable. 

“ Are you having sex right now? ” 

“Would I have picked up the phone if I was?”

“ I don’t know, I don’t know what your boundaries are ,” Shelby teased from the other side.

“And you never will. Now, why have you so rudely interrupted my time with my girlfriend?”

“ Kaylee kissed me. ”

“Okay? And?”

“ She’s drunk ‘Lys, I don’t know what it means! It’s fucking with my head. ”

“I don’t really know what to say. I’m not really in the right mind right now to be giving best friend advice,” she heard a snort from the other side.

“Gimme the phone,” Emma intervened, sticking her hand out. Alyssa handed her the phone. 

“Sup Shelby?”

“ Nolan. ”

“Can I give you some crazy, completely out there advice?”

“ Maybe ”

“Just talk to her. I know it’s like super terrifying, but you need to be honest with her so you can feel better about yourself.”

There was a moment of silence.

“ I know you’re right but it doesn’t mean I like it .”

“You’ll be fine Gonzalez. Just don’t try to kill me for knowing your shit again.”

She heard a weak and horrified laugh come through the line, “ I’m so sorry. If it helps, which it won’t, we didn’t know they did that until everyone else did. We asked them to threaten you not actually try to kill you. ”

“You’re right, it doesn’t make a difference, I still almost drowned because I was accidentally pushed into a room where you were having secret sex with your best friend. But that’s a conversation for another day. I have a girlfriend to tend to and you have a best friend to look after.”

“ Sorry Nolan. Have a good night, treat Alyssa well. ”

“I plan on it.”

There was a fake gag through the phone before they were hung up on.

“I’m pretty sure I am tending to you ,” Alyssa pointed out, gesturing to herself situated straddling Emma’s lap, hickeys slowly appearing across the blonde’s chest and stomach. 

“Well, there’s plenty of night ahead of us,” was the simple reply, then Alyssa was pulled down into a searing kiss that didn’t end for a fair amount of time.

Chapter Text

New Message: Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch)

Party @ my place Sat. Feb 23, 8pm - Eternity. You’re Invited.

Emma had been staring at the message for nearly half an hour. It had been sitting open on her phone as she ate breakfast, brushed her teeth, got ready, and was still there when she mindlessly walked towards her truck and hopped in. 

Only then, as she turned the key, did she hit the off button and allow herself to stop staring at the little blue bubble on her screen. 

She had been invited to a party. 

Emma Nolan had never been invited to a high school party. She either just showed up of her own accord or didn’t go at all. 

Emma: Babe why the fuck did Kaylee invite me to her party

She watched as Alyssa pulled her car into the spot next to her and picked up her phone to read the message. Alyssa shot her a surprised look through the windows.

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: idk

Emma: you didn’t ask her?

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: no love I wouldn’t do that

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I love you but like... I’ve never done that

Emma: ouch

Emma: and I thought we were friends

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I’ve seen you naked. 

Emma: so has Kaylee but she doesn’t brag about it

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I hate you

Emma: …

Emma: so should I say yes?

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I guess?

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: if you want to.

Emma: I guess I can come for a bit and if I can leave if I think I’ll get hurt

Emma: that’s legit the saddest thing I’ve ever said

Emma: “i'll come for a bit and once I feel like i’ll be hate crimed i’ll leave”

Emma: I hate this town

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I know

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: this place sucks

Emma: O well

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: ...can I do ur makeup beforehand?

Emma: I have to wear makeup????

Emma: I’ve changed my mind I’m not going

The warning bell rang so Emma slid her phone into her back pocket and hopped down out of the truck, beginning her small journey through the hellish hallways of James Madison High School to her english class. She ignored her phone buzzing in an attempt to make it across the school so she wouldn’t be late. 

She slid into her seat quickly and pulled out her phone again. 

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: pleaseeeeeee

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: it’ll be fun

Emma: will it?

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I promise

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: I bet you’ll like it more than you think you will

Emma: doubt it 

Emma: but fine. 

Emma: you have a point to prove now Greene, you better make it worth my time

Gran’s BFF Alyssa Greene: always.

***

The last thing Emma expected when Alyssa said she’d do her makeup was for her to end up laying on her back on her bed while Alyssa straddled her, leaning close to put whatever the fuck on her face. Without shirts on. Yet there she was.

She was practically on fire, her whole body unsure of how to react with Alyssa in such close proximity. She was so close, but so innocent, and it was causing Emma’s brain to short circuit. Alyssa had her concentration face on as she applied the makeup, her eyebrows furrowed and her lower lip held between her teeth. It took all of Emma’s self restraint not to lean up and pull her into a kiss. 

“You good?” Alyssa asked, trying to hide the small smile that threatened to take over her face. She knew what she was doing. There was only so much you could claim to be innocently oblivious to, and lap-sitting makeup-application without shirts on was not quite it. 

“Mmmm,” Emma hummed beneath her, trying not to move her face too much. She also couldn’t really comprehend words past that in that particular moment.

“You’re really pretty,” Alyssa grinned, watching her girlfriend go impossibly more red.

“Don’t do that,” the blonde threatened jokingly as Alyssa leaned over to grab another brush. 

“Do what?”

“Tease me. It’s not fair when we have places to be.”

“Am I teasing you?” Alyssa asked innocently and Emma narrowed her eyes at her, pouting.

“Yes.”

“Oops.”

“Alyssa Greene, you monster.”

The burnette simply kissed the tip of the other girl’s nose and continued her work, their faces centimetres apart as she focused on detail. 

 Twenty excruciating minutes later, Alyssa pulled back and admired her work. 

“You look gorgeous.”

“Don’t I always?”

“Yes, but right now... god I want to kiss you.”

“So do it?”

“No, it’ll ruin it.”

“I DON’T GET TO KISS YOU?!”

Alyssa laughed loudly at that. 

“I have a hot shirtless cheerleader straddling my lap and I don’t even get to kiss her?!”

“Is that all I am to you?” Alyssa teased and Emma rolled her eyes, grinning as Alyssa started to blush under her gaze.

“Of course not,” the blonde threw back “but right now it’s all my tiny lesbian brain can focus on.”

“Mmm sounds dangerous.”

“Pretty girls always are.”

“Oh my god,” Alyssa tried to cover her face to hide her blush “stop that”. Emma pulled her hands away and threw her a loving smile. Alyssa leaned in, placing her arms on either side of Emma's head so she didn’t squish her and moving so their lips were just barely touching. 

“What happened to no kissing?” Emma breathed against her lips, and Alyssa couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her face as she leaned back to meet hazel eyes. 

“I’m currently straddling a super hot shirtless guitar player. What kind of lesbian would I be if I didn’t take the chance to kiss her at least a little bit?”

“A really stupid one.”

“Mmm,” she hummed in agreement as she moved down again to press a soft kiss against slightly tinted lips. Emma deepened the kiss immediately, unable to help herself after all of that, and the two girls groaned in unison as they finally gave in to the tension that had been crackling around them for the past forty-five minutes. Sure, Alyssa had been teasing Emma on purpose, sure, she had known it would be hard to keep her hands to herself, but when she came up with the idea she wasn’t expecting it to be so fucking difficult. So they melted into one another, hands roaming skin they had tried so hard to ignore, fingers weaving in and out of hair, glasses being removed, hair ties being softly pulled out so that curls could fall over shoulders, moans morphing into each other as lips and tongues and hands explored every inch of available skin. 

“OI HORNDOGS!” A loud knock pulled them apart and they sighed in defeat. 

Some day they would be left alone. 

“WHAT?!” Emma yelled, annoyance lacing her breathless tone as she glared daggers into the door.

“You’re gonna be late!”

“Goddamnit,” Alyssa muttered and her girlfriend shot her an amused look at the choice of displeased words.

'So much for Good Chritsian Girl Alyssa Greene™' 

'Shut the fuck up'

“Thanks Gran!” the blonde yelled back, rolling her eyes yet again as she heard her grandmother snickering to herself as she retreated down the hallway. 

Alyssa checked her phone. 8:32pm. Oops. 

Kaylee: where are you?

Kaylee: oh my god are you guys fucking again?

Kaylee: we have rooms for that here

Kaylee: ffs just come and dance first you losers

Kaylee: but not together cuz thats sketchy

Kaylee: ALYSSA GREENE GET OVER HERE

Shelbs: you’re late lmao

Shelbs: your never late

Shelbs: she must be worth it lmao

Alyssa: *you’re

Alyssa: ;)

Alyssa: we’re coming

Shelbs: I bet you are.

Alyssa: stfu

Shelbs: lmao

The walk to Kaylee’s house was not long, so they decided to do that instead of driving. Why drive when you can drink and then just walk? February weather? Never heard of her. Alcohol will help keep warm. 

Alyssa arrived at the Klein household at 8:52pm. Emma followed at 9:03pm. They were apart from then on, no touching, no lingering looks (...well, some lingering looks), and definitely no talking. 

Emma stood against a wall, a drink in her hand she didn’t overly enjoy, but her mind was a bit less full so that was nice. She had managed to avoid Nick all night, which was good seeing as he posed the most threat to her life. She leaned against the wall, sipping lightly and admiring the view. The view in question was Alyssa in a very nice dress dancing around with her friends, a carelessly happy look on her face, her toned arms and legs giving Emma plenty to appreciate beyond her beautiful face. And personality, of course.

Because Alyssa was nothing short of amazing. She was beautiful, there was no question about it, but her personality and her mind were even more wonderful. Emma knew she was whipped, that wasn’t even kind of a question, she was in so deep. But she couldn’t complain. She had a beautiful, talented, smart, wonderful, very pretty girlfriend and she couldn’t be happier.

“Enjoying yourself?” A voice asked from next to her and she jumped. Shelby.

“Damnit Gonzalez! Warn a girl next time.”

“Sorry. But are you?”

“Kinda. Parties aren't really my scene. I usually come for the drinks and to see ‘Lys make an adorable fool out of herself before dragging her somewhere where her reputation won’t be tainted by drunken actions.”

“You two are so disgustingly cute.”

“Thank you,” Emma laughed quietly, “and you? Are you having fun?”

Shelby turned to look at her, “no. Not really?”

Emma met her eye. She certainly didn’t look happy.

“Something happen?” she asked, unsure if she could even help if she told her.

“Y’know James?” Shelby pointed at the tall blonde football player and Emma rolled her eyes. It was her favourite thing she could claim as a teenager, sue her. “Walked in on him and Kaylee making out in R3” 

The blonde couldn’t help the small huff of laughter that escaped her, “looks like Kaylee needs to learn how to lock doors.”

Shelby gave her a look and she shrugged. “I deserve to make those jokes.” and the other girl truly couldn’t deny that. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Emma conceded and Shelby just sipped her drink, “it fucking sucks to see someone you like get hit on or danced with or kissed and you just have to stand and watch.” That got her a look of interest. 

“Someone kissed Alyssa while you had to watch?”

“Yep. But the flirting is worse. The kiss I know had no meaning, it was a fear-driven lack of saying no, but people flirting with her while I’m right there? That sucks. It’s not that I don’t trust her, I do, it’s just that I don’t get to be the protective girlfriend because as far as the rest of the world knows, we’re not even friends.”

“Fuck being gay in Indiana,” Shelby stated quietly and Emma huffed and raised her cup in agreement, “wanna do shots?”

The blonde looked at Shelby for a second. 

“Yeah, alright.”

And so off they went. 

Two shots in Emma’s phone buzzed.

Lys Greene: R4

Emma: k. b there in a sec

“Why are there so many rooms in this house?” she asked, and Shelby gave her a knowing look.

“Dunno. You know where you’re going though?”

Emma nodded, pulling Shelby in quickly so she could speak to her quietly. 

“You’ll get through this,” she whispered, then smiled mischeviously “and if you can, drunk fuck her for fun ‘cause you both need to blow off some steam.”

Shelby rolled her eyes and pushed her away, fake annoyance playing on her face. “Fuck off.”

“Yes sir!” the blonde saluted, grinning as she turned out of the kitchen and up the stairs. 

The Kleins really did have a lot of rooms in their house. Emma was sure they were useful for parties and whatever, but she couldn’t imagine what they were used for on a day-to-day basis. R4 was at the end of the hallway. Emma slid into it quickly, making sure no one saw her go in, and locked the door behind her. 

“Fancy seeing you here,” Alyssa called teasingly and Emma grinned back.

“Shocking.”

“Well, since you’re here,” the brunette stood from her place on the bed and made her way quickly to the blonde, backing her against the door and pushing up onto her toes to press a kiss to her lips. 

“You look so pretty when you’re dancing by the way,” Emma murmured and she was met with a smile. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Dance with me then.”

And with that, Alyssa pulled Emma into the room and they began dancing dramatically to non existent music. After a while it just turned into them swaying on the spot, their foreheads pressed together as they enjoyed each other's company. 

“Kaylee and Shelby think we’re fucking in here and we’re literally slow dancing to no music,” Emma laughed and Alyssa opened her eyes to look at her. 

“Why not do both?”

“Always up for a challenge.”

“It’s not a challenge if you don’t even bother to attempt to dampen your lack of self control,” Alyssa pointed out as she pulled her girlfriend’s shirt off and ran her hands over her shoulders, linking them behind her neck and pulling her into a deep kiss. 

“Fair, I have no argument for that,” the blonde agreed, her hands slowly making their way from Alyssa’s waist to her exposed legs.

“Good,” was the breathless response as they fell towards the bed in the center of the room “then let's stop talking and keep kissing.”

“Yes ma’am.”

***

“Pancakes?” Emma asked, pulling her sweater over her head and walking towards her bedroom door, smiling softly as Alyssa buried deeper into her pillows.

“This is why I love you,” came the sleepy reply. 

“I love you too dork. Breakfast will be ready in a bit. Take your time.”

Chapter Text

“Alyssa, thank you for joining us.”

Alyssa gave a curt nod and a small smile to the principal as she sat in the chair in front of his desk. She was there as Alyssa Green™, daughter of Veronica Greene, student body president, head of student council, head cheerleader, debate champion, and ⅓ of James Madison’s group of HBICs. She was there for business, no matter how much she wanted to punch the wall at the situation. 

Fucking Edgewater and their biggoted asshole townspeople. If only they would pull their heads out of their own asses. Emma Nolan deserved to be fought over, not pity-partnered for school trip rooming assignments. 

“So, here’s the deal. No one wants to be paired with Emma on the upcoming trip,” Mr. Hawkins told her, uncomfort clear on his face. Emma shrunk into her seat a little more and Alyssa fought the urge to comfort her in some way. 

“Okay,” Alyssa looked at the principal expectantly, “and what does that have to do with me?”

“Well we can’t afford to room her on her own for the duration of the trip so we were hoping that you, as one of our most valued parts of the student body, would do it. You never know, maybe you have something in common.”

Alyssa scoffed, “My mother won’t be pleased”. She hid the small shiver that ran down her spine at the idea of the lecture she was going to get when her mother found out. “But if it’s the only option then yes, I will do it.”

Mr. Hawkins looked relieved. He also looked sad, glancing at Emma with a look that said I’m genuinely sorry it had to come to this . Alyssa was too. 

“Thank you,” he said, and she nodded again. 

“It’s the right thing to do.”

“It is. Okay, you two are free to go, I’ll see you here bright and early on Saturday.”

The two girls simultaneously made a face at the idea of going to school at the designated time of 6:00am to head to the airport.

“Yes sir, see you then.”

The girls stood at the same time, walking over to the door. Alyssa held the door open for Emma who walked through with her head down and mumbled a “thank you” before making a beeline for the now-empty hallway. 

She headed for her locker, trying to brush off the embarrassment of the situation. Sure, it was just Alyssa, but it still fucking sucked. She knew she was worth more than that, more than the people of Edgewater would ever give her credit for, but she was still disheartened by the way people managed to despise her so greatly that they wouldn’t even be willing to share a room with her. 

She opened her locker and sighed at the dick picks and slurs plastered across the metal door. Her books remained untouched, even the biggest asssholes knew how much the books cost and they weren’t willing to risk being caught and having to pay for the damage themselves. Her locker hadn’t been her’s since she was kicked out, the students finding new and innovative ways of breaking in to harass and embarrass her. Made for an interesting new experience every day though. 

“I’m so sorry Em,” the blonde turned around to face her girlfriend. 

“Yeah, me too.” she sighed and allowed herself to be pulled into a quick hug. “Who would have thought that people in Edgewater were actually afraid of gay people? ‘Cause it sounds like they asked around and people are genuinely afraid to be in the same room alone with me. Which sucks because I’m literally just a person.”

“They’re idiots.”

“You’re biased.”

“But I’m not wrong,” Alyssa threaded their fingers together, “buuuuuttttt,” she let a small smile across her face “they just made roomies.”

Emma raised her eyebrows knowingly and threw her an amused smile.

“Which meaannss,” Alyssa continued, “My mom is helping pay for a room for us to be alone in every night for 10 days.”

“She is,” Emma agreed, “and I’m sure we can find ways to make it worthwhile.”

“I have no doubt.”

“So, Alyssa Greene,” Emma let the annoyance and negativity slide off her shoulders for the time being, putting up a playful front “will you do me the honour of sleeping with me along the west coast?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

The double meanings in both their sentences were not lost on the two girls and they burst into a fit of giggles, still smiling as they made their way out to the parking lot. 

Their cars, as they usually were, were parked next to each other. The lot assignments were random, and they had been assigned those spots the year before, but it still made them smile a little every time. Emma stood, leaning against her passenger side door as Alyssa leaned against the drivers side of her car and they just looked at each other. A comfortable silence fell over them as they took each other in, soft sunlight peeking through the overcast, a moment of peace passing by them.

“You’re so pretty,” Alyssa whispered, and Emma blushed immediately.

“ You’re so pretty”

“Don’t deflect my compliments.”

“Don’t deflect mine.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“That I can believe,” Emma grinned and Alyssa just sighed dramatically, narrowing her eyes playfully at her girlfriend. She stepped forward, grabbing on to the collar of Emma’s shirt and pushed up onto her toes to press a soft kiss to the blonde’s lips. She pulled back again, smiling softly to herself when Emma chased her lips for a moment before opening her eyes. 

“I love you a lot, you know that right?”

“I do. I love you a lot too, and I hope you know that.”

“I know.”

“Good,” Alyssa smiled softly, pressing a kiss to Emma’s forehead “are you excited about the trip?”

“I’m excited to get the fuck out of Indiana for a bit.”

Alyssa let out a huff of laughter in agreement, leaning closer as Emma wrapped her hands around her waist. 

“Me too,” she nuzzled her face into Emma’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the underside of her jaw. “Sharing a room is going to make pretending I’m not deeply in love with you a whole lot harder.”

Emma hummed in agreement, moving to face Alyssa again. 

“You can switch if you want. If it’s safer.”

“I’m not switching babe.”

“But if it makes it harder on you and more dangerous then I don’t want to-” Alyssa kissed her again, effectively shutting her up for the moment, pulling away only when she was sure the blonde wouldn’t keep talking immediately. 

“I’m. Not. Switching.”

“‘Lys if we get found out…” she trailed off, “it could be so bad.”

“I’m aware,” Alyssa grabbed her hands, “but I want to room with you Em. Even if it means I have to be a dick to you every moment for the rest of the day, if I get to go to sleep at night with you nearby I will be happy.”

“And there’s no way I can change your mind?”

“Absolutely not,” Alyssa gave her a smug grin and Emma let out a long breath. 

“Okay, then I can’t wait to be bullied by all day for ten days you so we can hate fuck in the room your mom is paying for.”

“It’s not hate fucking if we’re still in love babe,” and Emma laughed at that.

“I think fucking your bully counts as a hate fuck even if you’re secretly in love.”

“I disagree.”

“Well Madam Debate Champion, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Or,” Alyssa raised her eyebrows and leaned in “we can drive out to the lake, and I’ll show you exactly what fucking during an argument feels like.”

“So suggestive for the school’s model student,” Emma swallowed thickly, her mouth suddenly very dry, “I guess I’ll see you in 20 minutes.”

“Guess so.”

***

High school was the worst, but a 6am start on a saturday? What the fuck.

“Stop complaining, you’re going to Canada.”

“Well, we could be going to Canada on a flight that didn’t mean we’d have to get up at 5 o’clock,” Emma complained, sipping at her coffee aggressively in hopes that it would wake her up faster. 

“But you’re not. So eat up and hurry up, we need to get moving so they don’t leave without you. Knowing Veronica she’ll probably try to convince them to anyways.”

Emma let out a snort of agreement before going back upstairs to get dressed and ready, pulling her suitcase down behind her when she walked back to the front door. Her and Betsy piled into the truck, driving quietly to the school. Mornings were not for talking, and neither of them had all that much to say. Ten days was ten days, and a break from Indiana would be good for Emma, they both knew that. 

“Don’t get too comfortable with me being gone,” the blonde joked and Betsy smiled at her granddaughter.

“Never. You’ve left enough of a mess behind as it is.”

Emma grinned and pushed at her grandma halfheartedly, tiredly pushing her glasses back up her face at the same time. 

“Have fun on this trip okay? And if everything goes to shit? My best friend is there to look after you and I’m only a phone call away.”

“Sometimes I think you love Alyssa more than me,” Emma shook her head as they pulled into the parking lot. 

“I love you both equally.”

“Ouch, the blood relative in me is heartbroken.”

Betsy laughed and ruffled Emma’s hair affectionately, pulling her into a hug.

“I love you kid, have a good trip.”

“I love you too. See you in a week.”

“Au Revoir!” Betsy cackled as Emma rolled her eyes and opened the door to leave, “don’t forget I packed Alyssa snacks!”

The blonde turned to throw her a look, “I’m aware!”

“Don’t be jealous!”

“Stop trying to woo my love!”

“Goodbye Emma Nolan!”

“Adeu Gran!” she flipped the older lady off with love before going  off to pile into the bus alongside the rest of her class. She handed her suitcase to the bus driver who popped it into the bottom storage area before walking up the steps.

Everyone was getting seated, so she made her way to the back of the bus and seated herself in the far back corner, hoping to avoid the attention of anyone for the duration of their travels. Unfortunately, Alyssa and Shelby sat directly in front of her, Kaylee and Lexy Bates across the aisle from them. Emma silently wondered how Kaylee felt with her whack-job ex boyfriend's current girlfriend being her bus partner. 

Emma Nolan: want me to scare off Lexy for you?

Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch): no thanks

Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch): I’m thinking I’ll just blast Girl In Red and wait

Emma Nolan: no you won’t

Emma Nolan: but nice thought

Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch): ik but it’s fun to imagine

Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch): now stop texting me bc it’s sketchy

Kaylee Klein (Blair Bitch): we’re sworn enemies

Emma Nolan: k bye bitch

Kaylee turned to glare at her and she just raised her eyebrows before turning to stare back out the window. 

Forty-five minutes into their drive to the airport, Lexy started asking the girls questions, no doubt attempting to sneak her way into their friend group.

“So Alyssa,” she started, fire in her eyes, “have you ever considered joining the mile high club?”

The blonde, despite having her headphones in and nothing in her mouth, still managed to hear this and choked on thin air. Alyssa turned bright red. Kaylee looked delighted at the question and Shelby looked kind of like she was going to die from trying to keep her face neutral.

“Uh,” Alyssa stuttered, doing her best not to let her eyes wander to the person behind her, “I guess I’ve never really thought about it?” liar , a voice in her head cackled, “I would never do it though ‘cause one, I’m 17 and it’s kinda messed up. And two, It can’t possibly be sanitary.”

Her mind flashed back to the downstairs bathroom at school, then the many band closet explorations, and finally landed on a very vivid memory of the bowling alley bathroom. She heard the blonde behind her attempt to stifle the laugh threatening to spill out of her lips. She whipped her head around to face the blonde.

“What? Something funny Nolan?”

Emma’s eyes widened, and she let out a little squeak. “No. sorry.” She turned back to the window quickly, and Alyssa saw the tiny smile that was reflected in the window. She rolled her eyes. 

Lexy glared at the blonde and made a face, “nosy queer.”

Alyssa just hummed, trying not to let the pure rage that filled her at that comment show on her face. Shelby rolled her eyes. 

“You can’t use that word Lexy, only homosexuals can use that word. You’re not homosexual are you?”

Lexy turned bright red at the accusation, “No! I hate homos!”

“Good. Then don’t use that word.”

Shelby lightly lay her hand over Alyssa’s in an attempt to calm her down. She felt the other girl look at her and Shelby’s heart ached for her friend, the pain clear in her face. She wanted to defend her girlfriend and she couldn’t, and it was clearly tearing her up inside.

Emma had sunk back into the corner of the bus, her eyes staring out the window lifelessly.

Nosey queer .

It’s not like she wasn’t used to the words being thrown at her, but they didn’t sting any less.

Lys Greene: fuck Lexy

Emma: please don’t

Lys Green: ew

Lys Greene: absolutely not

Lys greene: r u ok?

Emma: nope. 

Emma: u?

Lys Greene: nope.

Lys Greene: I’m sorry for bringing attention to you

Emma: don’t be, it makes sense that u did

Emma: I love you ‘lys

Lys Greene: I love you too

***

The door to the bathroom slid open slightly and Alyssa slipped in quickly.

“We’re not doing this,” she said and Emma nodded.

“Nope.”

“This is completely insane.”

“Yep.”

“Our classmates are right outside”

“Correct.”

“This is way more dangerous than it’s probably worth.”

“For sure.”

“So, are you going to kiss me?”

“Without question.”

Emma crossed the practically non-existent space between them and pushed Alyssa against the wall, capturing her lips in a kiss. The plane buzzed loudly around them and Emma allowed herself to sigh into the feeling of her girlfriend against her quietly.

“I love you,” Alyssa mumbled as Emma’s hands made their way into her hair, her lips wandering down her neck.

“I love you too,” was whispered into the cheerleader’s skin, the feeling filling her with warmth, “this is such a bad idea.”

“No offense Nolan, I’m not fucking you in here.”

She felt the sigh of relief against her own chest as Emma moved back up to kiss her properly. 

“Thank God,” the blonde smiled bashfully “I don’t think I could handle that.”

“Me neither,” Alyssa agreed, “but a few kisses probably won’t hurt anyone.”

“Well,” Emma bent her head down slightly, “since you’re already here”. Alyssa met her in the middle, hands falling into place as they found comfort in being near each other again after 6 hours of snarky comments, glares, and staying as far away from each other as physically possible while in the same space. 

“Membership status?” Kaylee immediately asked as Alyssa sat back down in her seat.

“Unchanged.”

“Disappointing,” the burnette sighed and Alyssa gave her a look. “What?” she asked, grinning slightly, “maybe I’m interested.”

Alyssa grinned in return, quip ready on her tongue, “sorry Kales, I’m not.”

“Ew not with you!” 

Alyssa just smiled smugly and put in her headphones, starting up Narnia and tuning out everything else. Everything else could wait.

***

Apparently, they weren’t kidding when they said it rained a lot in Vancouver. 

When the plane landed, it was very much raining.

“Wow. And I thought our weather was bad,” Shelby looked out the windows as they walked towards customs. 

“Is Canada a part of the United States?” Lexy asked and Kaylee, Shelby, and Alyssa turned to look at her. 

“No.” they all replied in unison, turning around to walk faster.

Chapter Text

The students of James Madison High School found themselves quickly falling in love with the natural beauty of British Columbia and the excitement of Vancouver.

“Alright children listen up,” their designated guide for the trip, Doug, called to the sleepy children, “I don’t expect you to remember this because you’re tired and I’m going to give you a paper copy of our itinerary anyways, but! Tomorrow we will be starting our Vancouver Time with a church service, then a walk through stanley park, followed by a local theatre production of The Drowsy Chaperone. It’s supposed to be good weather tomorrow so that’s nice because the theatre is outside.”

He paused to read his sheet. 

“The next day we will be crossing the bridge into North Vancouver where we will be experiencing the Capilano Suspension Bridge as well as heading up Grouse Mountain to see the sights from above. On Tuesday we will be staying on this side of the bridge again and exploring downtown Vancouver! I know you’re all tired so I’ll let you head inside in a second as long as there’s no questions!”

Kaylee raised her hand.

“Yep? Kiddo in the back.”

“Yeah, what’s “The Bridge”?” 

“Excellent question! “The Bridge” or the Iron Workers Memorial Bridge crosses the Burrard Inlet and allows for North and West Vancouver to be connected to East and Downtown Vancouver. You’ll be able to understand what I mean clearer when we go on Monday.”

“...‘kay thanks.”

“Is that it for questions?”

Silence.

“Perfect. Okay, your room assignments have already been given to you so we will hand you a room key as you exit the bus, uh, you have the afternoon to relax, dinner’s at 7, we need you down here for 9am tomorrow, and that’s it! Have a good night kidlets!”

The kids on the bus weren’t quite sure what to make of Doug, but they bid him goodbye regardless and went on their way. He was a tall man with hipster-style facial hair who dressed a bit like a lumberjack but also a bit like an english teacher. He gave off what Emma would call “big hipster youth pastor vibes” which, all things considered, was a good thing because if the youth of Edgewater Indiana were going to trust any random Canadian it would be the one that gave off Church Vibes.

“I can’t believe we’re starting this trip off with church ,” Emma complained quietly as the Gaggle Of Gays piled into the elevator, Alyssa, Shelby and Kaylee standing as far from the blonde as possible as to not cause any suspicion with their classmates. 

“You might not be,” Shelby looked at her and Emma nodded in agreement.

“That’s true, Mr. P seemed pretty convinced they’re not gonna let me in. I thought things were supposed to be more liberal this side of the continent.”

“They are, but that man’s got homophobia to rival Pastor Seb,” Shelby said, “He’s pretty persuasive when he wants to be, so if he doesn't want you in that church tomorrow I doubt you’ll get to go.”

“Ah good ‘ol Sebiath,” Emma nodded solemnly, a glint in her eyes, “also. Missing church is the last thing I’d consider a punishment seeing as I, y’know, haven’t gone in two years.”

“His full name is Sebiath ?!” Kaylee asked incredulously and Alyssa grinned at her.

“Yep.”

“I thought it was Sebastian!”

“So did the rest of the town, but Betsy Nolan knows all.”

“Oh my god that’s amazing.”

The doors to the elevator opened.

“What’s amazing?” Lexy asked, walking past the door with her roommate Sarah.

“That some people genuinely think the United States is the most important country in the world. Like honestly, I think with the current political and economic status of our country-”

“Oh my god stop. How are you so popular and yet so boring?”

Alyssa turned slightly red but didn’t hesitate to respond, “I’m just that amazing I guess.”

Kaylee and Shelby grinned, knowing damn well Alyssa Greene didn’t have that much belief in herself, like, ever, but appreciating the way she stood up for herself regardless. 

“Whatever. Have fun rooming with the freak.”

“At least I didn’t have to walk up the stairs!” Emma called at the blonde, causing her to whip around and glare at her.

“One, it was my decision to walk,” Lexy hissed, “and two, never talk to me you useless fucking lesbo.”

“I never want to, this short amount of time in your presence has killed enough of my brain cells for a lifetime.”

“Go away Nolan,” Kaylee rounded on the blonde, her face set in a disgusted glare, “we don’t need you defending us, we’re not interested in whatever you’re trying to offer.”

“Whatever Klein. I wouldn’t fuck you if I was payed 20 billion dollars.”

“MR HAWKINS, EMMA THREATENED TO FUCK ME!”

Mr. Hawkins was nowhere near them, but the yell was enough to convince whoever was nearby that this argument was nothing to pay attention to. Just the usual bullshit. Emma’s eyes went wide and she looked at Kaylee with disbelief.

“You liar!”

“Never use my name and the word fuck in the same sentence ever again,” the brunette threatened, poking her in the chest which caused her to take a step back.

“Don’t worry, I never intend to.”

Emma turned and walked down the hallway quickly, reaching the door of her room and hurrying inside. A few minutes later, Alyssa knocked on the door.

“You guys are pretty good at acting like you still hate each other,” she said as she made her way to the unscathed bed. It seemed Emma had claimed one of them by jumping onto it and spreading her laptop, headphones, phone, and entire body across it.

“Nah, we just have a lot of pent up anger,” the blonde joked, grinning when Alyssa shot her a look.

“Seriously.”

“Yeah, seriously. It’s cathartic. We get to yell at each other whenever we want and no one bats an eye, and then sometimes I give them relationship advice because they interrupt my valentines day sex.”

Alyssa blushed and Emma grinned smugly. 

“You’re pretty when you blush,” she practically sang which made the other girl blush harder.

“Fuck you Nolan,” the burnette finally said, ducking her head down so she could pull her hair up into a ridiculously messy bun. 

“Well, I wouldn’t complain if you did, but Kaylee and Shelby are next door and they might.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes, walking over to Emma’s bed and leaning over her to press a quick kiss to her lips. 

“Sorry Nolan, another time maybe. I have plans to sit here and relax until dinner.”

“Are you saying I’m bad at helping you relax?”

“I’m saying you’re good at getting me riled up and that’s not what the aim of this afternoon is,” Alyssa smiled sweetly as she made her way onto her bed and set up her laptop, opening it and connecting to the wifi quickly.

The two girls fell into a comfortable silence, appreciating the time they were given to relax and be at peace before whatever chaos would surround them in the upcoming days. 

However, they were alone in a room together, and it seemed the gravitational pull of their obnoxiously soul-mate-y love was stronger than their will to watch separate movies and vibe. They could vibe sometimes, stolen moments of peace between them being a cherished thing, but sometimes they spent hours pretending to hate each other, had a makeout session in a plane bathroom, and then ignored each other again for hours, and couldn’t avoid the need to be close to each other. 

So Emma ended up watching a movie with Alyssa, the two of them tangled together as they tried to pay attention to the film. 

Tried being the key word. Emma’s hands found themselves wandering of their own accord, brushing across exposed skin and slowly making their way further up Alyssa’s shirt. She didn’t even know she was doing it. 

Alyssa however, very much noticed.

“Em,” she whispered, trying not to break the comfortable silence.

“What?”

“Your hand is up my shirt babe.”

“Oh,” Emma looked down in genuine surprise, “sorry.”

She pulled her hand back down and threaded her fingers together with Alyssa’s. The brunette chuckled lightly and turned to look at her girlfriend.

“I didn’t say it was a problem.”

“Well you said no funny business earlier which also makes it non consensual so,” Emma pulled a face and Alyssa laughed.

“Em, we’ve been together for a year, you’re allowed to touch me if you want.”

“That’s a horrible way to run a relationship Alyssa. Consent is important.”

“I’m not denying that,” Alyssa grinned, a glint in her eyes, “I’m just saying if I could I’d have you touching me all the time.”

Emma blushed profusely.

“w h a t”

“I like having you near me.”

“Okay, that is not what you said.”

“No?”

“No babe,” Emma smirked, pressing a kiss to Alyssa’s lips, “you issued a challenge”.

The blonde moved quickly, trapping Alyssa before she could escape and tickled her sides aggressively. The cheerleader thrashed, attempting to escape to no avail, laughter spilling from her lips. 

The sound of Alyssa’s laughter filled Emma with a feeling of pure joy that ran parallel to a deep desire to make sure she got to help recreate the sound as often as she could for as long as she could.

Finally, Alyssa managed to escape, moving around so she could straddle her girlfriend’s waist and trap her hands above her head. 

“Challenge failed Nolan,” she smirked triumphantly.

“Oh please,” the blonde grinned up at her, “I got you on top of me, I win.”

She leaned up as far as she could, internally cheering when Alyssa naturally moved towards her and let their lips meet in a soft kiss. Alyssa released Emma’s hands so she could support herself to kiss the blonde properly, the two of them slowly melting into one another.

“I guess,” Alyssa breathed against soft lips, “the winner deserves a prize.”

Emma raised her eyebrows as Alyssa backed up again to smile down at her.

“Depends on what the prize-” the cheerleader pulled her shirt over her head and Emma turned impossibly more red, a blush spreading across her cheeks, making her, in Alyssa’s professional opinion, the cutest person alive. 

“Yep, okay, winner deserves a prize.”

Alyssa grinned at her girlfriend’s reaction, moving to kiss her again, and laughing as the blonde sat up to meet her, hastily trying to escape her own clothes that had begun to feel just a tad too warm. 

“I really really love you,” Emma breathed and it filled Alyssa with hope and warmth.

“I really really love you too,” Alyssa whispered back, pulling the blonde’s shirt over her head and pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. 

“And now,” she announced quietly, “I really really want to make out with you in varying stages of undress on the bed my mother is paying for.”

“And I really really don’t want to think about your mom right now,” the blonde quipped, laughing as Alyssa stuck her tongue out at her. 

“So don’t,” she pulled her hair out of it’s (admittedly very fallen-apart) bun and moved it over on shoulder, smiling as hazel eyes watched her every move. She blushed lightly under the loving gaze of her girlfriend before choosing to completely ignore the softness of the moment in lieu of leaning down and capturing soft lips with her own. 

Emma pulled her closer immediately, hands finding their way to her lower back and lightly holding her against her. Alyssa nipped on Emma’s lower lip, asking for entrance which she was met with immediately-

There was a loud knocking at the door.

The girls pulled apart to look at each other. 

“If that’s Kaylee or Shelby I’m going to kill them,” Emma stated flatly, Alyssa couldn’t help but agree. She climbed off her girlfriend unhappily and pulled the blonde’s discarded flannel over her shoulders, buttoning it up enough, and padding over to the door. 

“What?” she asked, opening the door to find Lexy.

“Is Emma in there?” Lexy asked and Alyssa blinked, trying to pull herself out of the fog she had so willingly been consumed by moments prior.

“Uh, yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yep. I was just watching a movie.” Blatant lie, but Lexy didn’t seem to have the brains to notice.

“So you’re not uncomfortable in there? You should come to my room or go to Shelby and Kaylee’s. She might try to take advantage of you if you get too comfortable.”

Alyssa heard the quiet FOOF of Emma’s face hitting a pillow as she tried to muffle her laughter. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

“I’m quite capable of fighting off any unwanted attention Lexy, my whole life is unwanted attention.”

She stopped, catching herself. Too much info. 

“I mean, being a cheerleader, I get oogled at way too often for my liking.”

Lexy nodded, rolling her eyes at the mention of being a cheerleader. For someone who seemed pretty keen on being a part of Kaylee, Shelby, and Alyssa’s friend group, she seemed quite against everything they did and were. 

“Yeah, okay. If you start feeling unsafe or whatever just know you’ve got a place with us.”

“Don’t worry Bates, we have rules set and if she breaks them, I’ll break her.”

Lexy looked somewhat impressed by that, “okay. I’ll leave you to your movie the-”

“ Hi Gran, ” Emma’s voice could be heard from inside the room, and Lexy’s eyes lit up. 

“She’s still living with her grandma?” 

“Uh, I guess so? I’m pretty sure her parents still won’t talk to her.”

It wasn’t true. Emma’s parents called on a monthly basis. They just did it for the wrong reasons. They would call, Emma would pick up, and they would yell and curse at her until she couldn’t stand it anymore and hung up.

Lexy laughed, “imagine being so disgusting that your own parents don’t want you.”

Alyssa thought back to her father, who had left her to start a new life without a second glance. She thought of her mom, who planned her meals and weighed her weekly, who had lists and time-blocked calendars of her days, who would get mad when she slept past 10am or ate a square of chocolate on a weekday, who couldn’t stand the idea of her daughter straying from perfection. God forbid she be anything but perfect. 

“Yeah,” Alyssa agreed, her heart screaming in conflict, “probably sucks, but whatever, it’s her own fault.”

“ Yeah, she’s here. She’s just talking to someone at the door. I don’t know, it sounds like Lexy. Yeah, that Lexy. Mmmhmm she’s dating Nick. I don’t know I’d rather avoid anyone who associates themselves with Nick Boomer in case I get murdered . ”

“Oh, we’re sneaking out tonight to explore the city if you want to come,” Lexy said, pulling Alyssa’s attention away from the conversation she was desperately trying to listen to to ground herself. It was becoming slightly overwhelming, Lexy talking pure bullshit in front of her while Emma tried to talk to her grandmother without giving away that she was dating her roommate behind her.

“Uh,” Alyssa was torn, “maybe. It depends on how tired I am after dinner. Speaking of, I think I’m going to have a nap before we eat, so I’ll see you later. Thanks for checking up on me.”

“Of course!” Lexy smiled sweetly, too sweetly, “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you and your… situation.”

Alyssa fought off a shudder. She was a person . Emma Nolan was a living, breathing, amazing, human being. Not something to be whispered about, feared, and laughed at.

“Will do.”

She closed the door, leaning against it and sighing.

Emma approached her and handed her her phone silently, knowing Alyssa needed a second before being close to anyone again. Being overwhelmed sucked, and Alyssa was often overwhelmed, but things like that, having no choice but to pretend to be someone completely opposite to who she was, usually caused her to need space to collect herself.

She took the phone and pulled it to her ear, comfort surrounding her as she was greeted by her favourite adult. 

“ Hi Alyssa, ” Betsy greeted and she said hi back.

“ How are you? How’s Lexy? ”

“I’m good, a bit overwhelmed right now but I’ll be fine,” she took a deep breath, “and Lexy is the same as usual. An attention seeking bigotted bitch.”

Betsy laughed and Alyssa found herself becoming more grounded.

“ Ah, I see. How was the flight? ”

“It was good,” there wasn’t much to report back on past that.

“ And what have you two been up to since you arrived? ” the suggestiveness in Betsy’s tone made Alyssa blush and Emma grinned from her place on her bed, knowing exactly what her gran had just asked.

“Uh. We watched a movie?”

“ What movie? ”

Alyssa could not for the life of her remember what movie they were watching, her attention had been elsewhere.

“I don’t know. Emma was busy shoving her hand up my shirt and I couldn’t focus.”

She heard Emma choke indignantly from the bed, thrashing around until she was able to stand up and make her way over to the door.

“NOT TRUE!” she called, trying to save herself.

“What do you mean not true?! Your entire hand was up my shirt!” 

“ She’s insatiable like that, ” Betsy joked and Alyssa grinned smugly at her girlfriend.

“I know, I’m just that irresistible.”

“ And don’t you forget it. Now, I packed you snacks because I love you, did Emma give them to you or was she too jealous? ”

“I got them! Thank you so much. The cookies were much more appreciated than the celery my mom gave me.”

“ Hey now, don’t hate on celery ”

“Celery isn’t a plane food.”

“ Oh no absolutely not, but it deserves respect sometimes… it can be good with toppings. ”

“I wasn’t given toppings.”

“ Ew. ”

“I know. So, how’s being childless so far?”

“ Amazing, it’s like an ancient peace has been restored. ” Betsy laughed, Emma glared at the phone.

“ No, honestly I miss having her here. It’s been less than a day. I would even be happy to need to ignore you two going at it in my hallway if it meant the house would feel less empty ”

The girls blushed hard at that. They tried not to be too… teenager-y when Betsy was home because that wouldn’t be fair to her, but they were bad at it. They only got so much alone time and honestly… they liked to make good use of it.

“We’ve never done it in the hallway,” Emma pointed out, grinning when Alyssa shot her a look.

“ You better not have. ”

“ Well, I’ll let you guys get back to whatever you were doing before, I’ll talk to you later. Love you both. ”

“Love you!” / “Bye!” they called at the same time as Betsy hung up on them. 

“You ratted me out!” Emma exclaimed, standing up and helping Alyssa to her feet.

“It’s your own fault for having wandering hands.”

“It’s your fault for being so hot.”

“Mmmmm sounds fake.”

“You’re an idiot Greene.”

“And I will remain that way until my dying day,” Alyssa replied, passing her girlfriend to lay down on her bed. Emma moved quickly, jumping on top of her and laughing at the little “oof” her girlfriend let out when she landed, spreading herself out so she was weighing down as much of Alyssa as she could reach.

“So, Lexy thinks you’re gonna take advantage of me,” Alyssa started, raising her eyebrows suggestively as Emma moved to look at her, “will you?”

“If you want me to.”

Emma leaned in to press a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips, breath catching in her throat when Alyssa deepened it immediately. 

“She said some fucked up things at the door,” Alyssa mumbled as Emma pressed kisses down her neck, “so, if you’re willing, I’d like to prove her as wrong as possible.”

“What do you want to prove her wrong about?” Emma asked, slowly unbuttoning the stolen shirt and pressing soft kisses to every bit of skin exposed. 

“All of it,” the brunette breathed, “that we’re right. That we’re loved. That every moment we spend hiding doesn’t mean we love each other any less.”

She sucked in a deep breath, unable to help the small moan that slipped through her lips as Emma’s mouth moved over her chest. 

“That no matter what she, or anybody else says, our love is real and right and honest.”

She couldn’t help it, she flipped them around. Alyssa wasn’t one to give up control, and as much as she loved the feeling of Emma kissing her way down her body, she couldn’t help the spiral her mind was falling into as she stayed still. So she flipped them, and she met hazel eyes in a question.

‘Can I show you what I mean?’

‘I know what you mean. But yes.’

‘I love you so much’

‘I love you too.’

Emma let herself sink into the feeling of Alyssa’s control. It was nice, it was easy, it was familiar, and it was loving. Alyssa trailed her fingertips lightly over the blonde’s exposed abdomen, kissing across the same path as she went.

“Hey ‘Lys?” Emma called breathlessly before her girlfriend could get too carried away and she forgot what existing was, her heart stopping anyways when Alyssa looked at her. Her face was flushed, hair mussed from movement, eyes dark and loving, and Emma couldn’t breathe. 

“You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”

“You stopped me for that?” Alyssa asked, a shyness to her that made Emma feel like she was falling deeper in love. If that was possible. 

“Of course. You deserve to hear it all the time.”

She watched as Alyssa’s eyes filled with tears and she silently led her back up, pulling her close and holding her tight. Alyssa buried her face into Emma’s neck, tears sliding down her cheeks without her permission.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, sinking into the other girl deeper when she moved a hand to run through her hair. 

“Don’t apologize for having feelings ‘Lys. You’re allowed to have feelings.”

“Not always,” the girl whispered, sighing, not letting go, “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”

“Mood?” Emma joked, “what mood? Were we about to have sex? I don’t remember.”

It made the brunette laugh quietly, unable to help herself. She knew how Emma was looking at her right now although she couldn’t see it, all soft eyes and love. It filled her with warmth. 

“Do you want to watch another movie?” Emma whispered, breaking the silence that was slowly settling over them. 

“But-”

“Alyssa we are not sad-fucking. Movie or quiet cuddles?”

“Am I getting cuddles either way?”

“Yes.”

“Movie.”

“And do you want to put more clothes on?”

Alyssa moved to look down at them, her in Emma’s unbuttoned shirt and lacking pants, Emma, shirtless from the waist up in the pyjama pants she’d changed into when they arrived. 

“Nope, ‘like feeling you,” Alyssa mumbled, laying back down.

“We have to move to watch a movie love,” Emma pointed out and Alyssa groaned. 

“No movie then.”

“No? Just cuddles?”

“Just cuddles.”

“Okay,” Emma smiled softly at the other girl, her heart shattering at the way she was hurting but filling at the feeling of having her near.

“Just in case you’ve forgotten, I love you Alyssa Greene. I love all of you.”

***

“Can we go take photos?” 

“No? It’s late.”

“But, Em, look outside. It’s so pretty.”

“Alyssa, what happened to being the model student of JM? What if we got caught?”

“But photos.”

“But being sent home.”

“Just outside the hotel? A block radius in any direction and no further.”

“Alyssa Greene you will be the death of me.”

“So yes?”

“So yes.”

A block radius lasted about five minutes. They couldn’t help themselves. The water was close, only a few minute walk, and they had to. What kind of nighttime adventure would it be if they didn’t give in to their desires to see the sights a little bit? 

They stood at a lookout point, unsure where they were looking, but very sure it was pretty. The water glistened from the city lights and on the other side the houses and mountains lit up the hills. 

Emma took in a deep breath, fresh air filled her lungs and she held it for a moment. She was away. She was out of Indiana, if only for a little bit, she was free of her town’s broken views and hatred. She let the breath out slowly, standing against the rails of the lookout and holding on tight. A light breeze blew by and she inhaled again, a small smile on her face. 

She heard the click of a shutter and turned around. 

“Alyssa!”

“What? You’re pretty and so is the background, I couldn’t help it!”

“I-”

“You…?” Alyssa raised her eyebrows

“I don’t remember giving my permission for you to take my photo.”

“I don’t remember asking.”

Emma gasped dramatically, “so inconsiderate of my feelings!”

“Oh please,” Alyssa grinned at her, stepping forward to grab her hand, “you don’t have feelings.”

“I have feelings for you,” Emma responded, laughing as Alyssa fake gagged at the statement, pulling her closer.

A group of musicians started playing a few feet away, a soft guitar melody falling from the strings to start. It filled the air and brought warmth to the otherwise cool evening.

“Dance with me?” the blonde asked, and her girlfriend looked at her in surprise.

“What?”

“Dance with me?” she repeated, “you’re pretty and the lights are pretty and right this second there’s no one stopping us so. Alyssa Greene, will you dance with me?”

Alyssa looked at her for a moment, her heart blooming as she did. There was no reason not to. For the first time in a year of dating they could dance in the open and people probably wouldn't care. 

“I would love to dance with you,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. Emma moved her hands to Alyssa’s waist, Alyssa’s moved to Emma’s shoulders, and they began to sway. 

It was soft at first, the music calm and sway-able, but the song ended and a new one began. This one was a bit more upbeat and waltz-y, and the girls grinned at each other. Without a word they both turned away from each other, walked a few paces, and turned back around, posing dramatically. 

They walked back towards each other slowly, stopping a foot apart. Emma bowed, and as she stood up, Alyssa curtsied. They met in the middle, hands coming up to hover next to one another without touching, circling each other. Wide smiles were on their faces as they moved, the dance surprisingly well performed for two people who had no idea what they were doing and were just making it up as they went. 

The music picked up and soon they were dancing properly, spinning each other around and laughing as they moved across the platform. 

They moved around, spinning on nearby lamp posts and stealing kisses in the moment’s where they would meet in the middle before flouncing away from each other again. The music began to swell in a way that meant the end was coming, so Alyssa and Emma moved to opposite sides of the area, leaning against the rails before running at each other. They followed the music, hearts beating wildly, eyes never straying from the others as they approached one another in the middle. Emma swept Alyssa off the ground, looking up into her eyes, their laughter floating away into the sky as they spun around, Alyssa’s arms held wide as they moved. The final chord rang out through the plaza as Emma lowered her girlfriend to the ground, their smiles unwavering as they went, breath laboured and hearts happy. 

The musicians clapped for them, and they turned to face them and clapped back. A few people joined in from where they had been watching quietly.

Alyssa slipped her hand into Emma’s smiling and pressing a kiss to her cheek, moving to whisper in her ear.

“Je t’aime.”

“Ooo french, snazzy,” she leaned back to look at Alyssa again, “Je t’aime aussi.”

“Ah so you do pay attention in class.”

“Oh no, absolutely not. I only know enough to woo people. God forbid anyone asks me where a toilet is in french, I’d have no idea what to say.”

“People?” 

“Yep, all my side hoes in Edgewater. There’s so many to pick from.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You don’t seem to mind too much,” Emma smirked, laughing when Alyssa just stuck her tongue out. A new song began and they continued to sway.

“Excuse me,” a young man, no older than them, approached the two girls and they stopped swaying to face him. “I don’t mean to interrupt and I hope I don’t come off as creepy but I saw you two dancing and I am a photographer, I couldn’t help but get some shots of you. You looked so happy. I was wondering if you’d be interested in seeing them, I can email them to you? If not I can delete them if you’re uncomfortable.”

They stared at him for a second.

“We would love to see them,” Alyssa finally managed, her mind racing. This would never have happened at home. At home, they would have had rocks thrown at them and been cursed at. But a teenage boy had taken photos of them instead and was offering to share them, claiming they were the cutest couple to dance in the square in the few weeks he had been shooting there. 

The photos were beautiful, there was no denying that. There were shots of them circling each other, smiling at each other, pulled in for a quick kiss with their hands held wide, laughter and humorous glances etched across their faces.

There was a final photo that stuck out to them the most. It was Alyssa, held high in the air with her arms out wide, Emma looking up at her and her down at Emma, they were looking at each other like nothing else in the world existed. When thinking back on the moment later, they would realize nothing else really did.

“These are amazing,” Emma exhaled in awe, smiling at the photographer.

“I can send them to you?”

“Yes, please, uh, here I can put my email in your phone.”

Emma typed her email in, knowing damn well Alyssa’s email was tracked. There was no privacy in the Greene household, that was for sure. It was surprising the bathroom doors even had locks. 

“Thank you so much for these. Um, I don’t know if you’re the kind of person who posts these photos online but as much as I hate to ask, can you maybe not?”

The guy nodded, a small smile on his face. 

“Of course,” he said, “whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“Thank you.”

“Anytime. Have a good night!”

“You too!”

The girls waved as the photographer left, smiles on their faces. 

“Never would’ve happened at home,” Emma dared to say and Alyssa sighed.

“It certainly wouldn’t’ve,” she agreed, smiling as Emma wrapped her up in a hug before taking her hand and continuing their walk. 

***

Veronica Greene knew Alyssa was hiding something, she just wanted to figure out what it was. She was sure it was probably something stupid, candy bars or chips, but she wasn’t certain. Alyssa was a good person, she had made sure of that, but she was also easily influenced, at least that’s what Veronica thought. 

So she was going through her room while she was away. Whatever Alyssa was hiding, whatever rule she was trying to break, her mother was ready to exploit it. 

She felt like she was losing her grip on her daughter a little. She was slipping away. Alyssa, it seemed, was becoming more of herself, and for whatever reason, that someone wasn’t as perfect as Veronica had planned.

She found a shoebox. 

It was buried under Alyssa’s bed against the wall in the very centre. Somewhere hard to reach.

She managed to slide it out, picking it up and opening the lid. She almost dropped the box. 

Inside were piles of photos, notes, small books, pins, pressed flowers, drawings, notebooks, and letters. On the top was a small notebook with a picture tucked into the elastic that kept it closed. The photo was of Alyssa, her smile wide and eyes full of something akin to love as she stared at someone behind the camera in someone else’s clothes. She was wrapped in a hoodie that wasn’t hers that reached just above her thighs, her shorts sticking out just a little at the bottom. She had a flower crown in her hair and her arm was out, holding the hand of whoever had taken the photo.

Mrs. Greene placed the box on Alyssa’s bed and pulled out the photo, studying it closer. It was in black and white, but she noted that the background looked like a field, somewhere with wheat crops. Probably Graverfells. She couldn’t tell who’s hand her daughter was holding because their sweater covered everything but their fingers. She flipped it over. 

August 10, 2018.

Graverfells Fields, Indiana.

365 Days since you kissed me and I still haven’t caught my breath. - Babe

Veronica put the photo back, annoyed. Whoever this was could be a distraction, could be an issue. This person could be why Alyssa was being so... off.

She put the box back and left the room, irritation dancing across her mind.

Alyssa was not in love. She was 17. She had a life and plans and responsibilities, and no one should take away from that. 

She sat on the couch in a huff. She couldn’t tell Alyssa she knew about this. She’d have to keep a more watchful eye on her though. Alyssa Greene could not fall before graduation, it would ruin everything.

Itinerary (Vancouver)

Sunday:

9am - Breakfast

10:30am - Church

1pm - Lunch at Spaghetti Factory

2pm - Stanley Park

6pm - Dinner at Hotel Restaurant

7:30pm - Theatre Under The Stars

10pm - Lights Out

Monday:

9am - Breakfast

11am - Capilano Suspension Bridge

2pm - Lunch at Grouse Mountain

3pm - Grouse Mountain

6pm - Dinner at Arms Reach Bistro

10pm - Lights Out

Tuesday:

9am- Breakfast

10am - Downtown Tour

1pm - Lunch at Cactus Club

4pm - Leave for Seattle

6:30pm - Arrive in Seattle

7:30pm - Dinner

10pm - Lights Out

Chapter Text

One of the first things Emma and Alyssa noticed about Vancouver was just how LGBTQ friendly the city really was. Many restaurants, shops, buses, transport stations, and otherwise public areas had pride flags, stickers, or markings showing that that place was safe for LGBTQ+ people. Even the church they went to on Sunday morning had a sticker in the window of their front door saying it was a safe place. Emma still didn’t go in.

She departed from the group on arrival to the building, making her way down whatever street they were on back towards the water.

***

Stanley Park was big, beautiful, and a bit insane. Big trees stood tall to the water’s edge where a seawall had been established. Bikes, pedestrians, and skaters moved together in a system that shouldn’t work but did. The students of James Madison High were given four hours to explore. 

“I want to walk the seawall!”

“I wanna go to the aquarium!”

“We’re not going to the aquarium.”

“Why not?” 

“Its an aquarium ! The fishies deserve better.”

“You’ve googled it haven’t you.”

“Yes.”

“Alyssa-” Kaylee groaned, she just wanted to see the fish.

“Whales keep dying in there Kay! We’re not giving them money.”

“Fuck you and your research.”

Alyssa stuck her tongue out at the other girl and received the same thing back. She looked  over the area they were standing in to where Emma had gone to rent a bike. She was gone. Fuck. Alyssa looked around and spotted Nick and Daniel walking away from a cluster of trees. She looked closer, and she let out an angry sigh. A figure, her girlfriend, was slumped against the tree with her head rested against the trunk. 

“Oh for fucks sake.”

***

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Ms Nolan you don’t look fine.”

“I promise I’m okay. This is what happens when you’re me.”

“You should probably get checked out.”

“It’s barely anything. I’ve cleaned it. I’m fine. I’m going to go on my walk now.”

The wannabe-beatnik-poet looking man looked at her. 

“Okay, if you’re sure you’re okay.”

“I am.”

“You need to be back here by 5:45.”

“I know, thank you Doug.”

Emma was not okay, she knew that. But she couldn’t say that, she couldn’t admit that. It wouldn’t be worth it. Attention would be worse than the injuries. She walked away from Doug as smoothly as she could, making her way around the seawall. The tide was pretty far in, but not quite to the wall, so Emma hopped down onto the small stripe of beach left and leaned against the cold stones. She let out a sigh then, tears slowly rolling down her face.

She removed her glasses, tucking them into her hoodie pocket and wiping angrily at her eyes. This was not how the trip was meant to go. She was supposed to be taking a comfortable break from the bullshit. She had such a good night the night before, spending time with her girlfriend and walking around the city, dancing and laughing and kissing in dark corners. She should have known it wouldn’t last, but she had hoped.

“Nolan?”

“Gonzalez.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just, y’know, being an idiot.”

“Are you okay? Alyssa’s been looking for you everywhere.”

Emma looked up to face Shelby, shielding her eyes from the sun as she looked up. Her face was blank and unreadable, “Well here I am.”

“What happened?”

“Nick, Daniel, a small slip of the tongue, some fists, a rock, and a tree.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. English please.”

“I don’t really want to say. I hate retelling these things.”

“Oh,” Shelby paused, realization washing over her that these things were probably super traumatizing, “that’s okay. Uh, do you want me to get you water or something?”

“No thanks,” the blonde tried to smile, it didn’t really work, “I’m good.”

“Okay, do you want me to tell Alyssa you’re here?”

“Definitely not.”

The brunette looked at her in surprise.

“Why?”

“Because Nick and Daniel have been following me, and I’ve managed to shake them off for now but I don’t want to put Alyssa at risk of being seen with me.”

“And me?”

“I mean you can just push me or something and they will assume that’s all you’re here for. Alyssa has a reputation for being a mostly good person, no offense, so she can’t do that.”

Shelby glared at her. 

“I’m going to get you some water and a snack. You look dead on your feet.”

“I was just beaten up? Of course I look dead on my feet.”

“I’ll be back, don’t move.”

“Don’t plan on it,” the blonde sighed, watching as Shelby disappeared. 

Weird. Who would have thought Shelby Gonzalez would care enough to make sure she was okay after her best friend’s ex boyfriend beat her up in another country. 

School trips are fucking weird.

***

“Emma Nolan you are in so much trouble.”

“I’m sorry?”

Alyssa glared at her. “You purposely avoided me!”

“I didn’t want you being pulled in the middle of something!”

“Shelby had to tell me you were okay but that you quote “Didn’t want to see me because you were scared I would put myself at risk””

“Correct.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” She was angry. Genuinely furious. The fear and hurt of not knowing anything and knowing too much all at once weighing her down into a ball of fiery unhappiness. 

“Alyssa. They were following me around, you’re not supposed to care about me, certainly not enough to come looking for me to make sure I’m okay.”

“But Shelby could?!” 

“Shelby’s been a dick to me for two years, she could just push me or something stupid like that and no one would question it but you’re you! People would question why you cared and you couldn’t just fuck me over to look like you weren’t there for me.”

“Maybe I could.”

“Alyssa, babe. No, look at me.” Alyssa looked, she wasn’t happy, “I just didn’t want you getting involved in case it was a risk.”

Alyssa had unshed tears in her eyes, she wiped them away, annoyed.

“I just wanted to see you. I wanted to make sure you were safe.”

Emma’s eyes softened, she moved forward and took Alyssa’s hand, pressing a kiss to her palm before holding her hand to her chest so Alyssa could feel her heartbeat.

“I’m safe ‘Lys,” She whispered, “I promise I would have had someone tell you if I wasn’t.”

Alyssa stepped closer, trapping her hand between them and cupping Emma’s face with her free hand. 

“Are you hurt?”

“Yes.” 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Kiss me?”

“Ah yes,” Alyssa joked weakly, “the great healing power of kisses.”

“It’s unmatched,” Emma agreed, blushing lightly as Alyssa moved her hands to remove her glasses, placing them softly on the bed beside them before leaning up to press a soft kiss to her forehead.

“I’m scared,” the shorter girl admitted into the small space between them.

“Me too.”

***

The Drowsy Chaperone was amazing. The energy at the outdoor theatre was superb, and despite the day’s events, Emma and Alyssa enjoyed themselves greatly. They were pretty much the only ones who did. Their class weren’t exactly equipt to understand the effort that went into theatre, especially musical theatre, and they were uncaring and shallow minded. They laughed at a few jokes, but mostly because the people around them were. It was annoying, but it was easily ignored if one just paid attention to the show at hand instead.

Emma understood why Mr. Hawkins liked Broadway so much. It was an experience, not just a show. She wondered for the first time what it would be like to see a show like that on Broadway. Maybe one day she’d go and find out. 

***

“So, as you can see we are currently crossing the Lionsgate Bridge,” Doug called from the front of the bus as he narrated their drive towards North Vancouver, “if you look over the water to your right you will see another bridge, that is the IronWorkers Memorial Bridge. It is called that because when they were building it the bridge collapsed killing 23 workers.”

***

The suspension bridge and treetop walk were interesting, as was the “sky walk”, being surrounded by beautiful trees and the sound of rushing water. The air was clear there, crisp and cold, the kind of air your lungs ache for in a panic attack. The naturalness of it all was breathtaking, the entire grad class stunned and amazed by what the world had to offer other than corn fields and farms.

“It’s beautiful,” Kaylee whispered in awe, Shelby and Alyssa nodding in agreement. 

“It’s just some fucking trees,” Lexy pointed out, and Alyssa turned to look at her.

“Don’t you have anything positive to say, like, ever?”

“Yeah, I’m positively better than everything and everyone else.”

“Narcissistic bitch,” Shelby muttered. 

 ***

The view from the restaurant on grouse mountain was spectacular, the clear day leaving no haze to the picture of the water, city, and forests below. The students ate and enjoyed the views, laughing and messing around in the snow once they exited the building.

***

“Kiss me.”

“Good morning Alyssa, it’s nice to see you’re doing well.”

“Please.”

“We have to get ready ‘Lys,” Emma pulled a hoodie over her head, placing her glasses back on her face.

“We’re practically packed!”

“No, I’m practically packed. Your stuff is everywhere babe.”

Alyssa huffed, Emma wasn’t wrong, but she had a need for kisses. Like, right then. She stepped forward and grabbed the front of her girlfriend’s sweater, pulling her close.

Emma blinked for a second, trying to figure out how she had ended up in Alyssa’s space so quickly. She couldn’t help herself, being that close, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend’s lips, fighting off a smile when Alyssa met her happily. She brought Alyssa closer, breath catching when she deepened the kiss, her hands finding their place on her back and face. 

“You need to pack babe,” the blonde whispered against soft lips. 

“No,” Alyssa groaned, pulling her girlfriend in again.

“We’re getting carried away”

“So?”

Emma pulled back and raised her eyebrows. “How about, you pack now and we’ll see how much time we have when you’re done.”

“What happens then?” Alyssa asked, challenging her. 

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Alyssa was being teased, she knew that. She wasn’t stupid. But she also needed to get packed.

“Fine.”

Alyssa packed her things (nicely, she might add), in a record time of seven minutes. Motivation at its finest. Emma was sitting on the desk reading a book, waiting for her to finish. Alyssa approached and moved to book away.

“What now?”

“Now we have an hour to do whatever we want.”

“Mmm,” Alyssa nodded, pretending to think, “I think I’ll watch a movie then.”

“Okay, enjoy.”

Emma turned back to her book. Alyssa narrowed her eyes. The blonde looked up.

“Need something?”

Alyssa rolled her eyes and moved forward, leading Emma off the desk and pushing her gently against the wall next to it.

“Just you,” she whispered, pressing up to hover over the blonde’s lips.

“I can do that,” Emma breathed, pushing forward and capturing her girlfriend’s lips.

***

“We really need to go.”

“Meh.”

“Oh look who doesn’t want to leave now!”

“Shhhh kiss me again,” Emma grinned up at her girlfriend, “it was so much more peaceful when you were kissing me.”

“We have like fifteen minutes until we need to be down there.”

“And we only need seven to look proper and get downstairs. That leaves a whole eight more minutes.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“Your hand is literally on my ass.”

“Five minutes.”

“Sounds good.”

They ended up having five minutes to get ready and go downstairs. The whole way down, Alyssa hummed and mumbled Dead Girl Walking. Emma glared at the back of her head the entire time. 

“I could change my name and ride up to Seattleeee,” she sang quietly as they approached the elevator. 

“I need it hard, I’m a dead girl walking. I’m in your yard, I’m a dead girl walk-”

Emma pulled Alyssa forwards by her belt loops, making sure the elevator door was completely shut and they were alone before pulling Alyssa in for a final, heart stopping kiss. 

“You’re obnoxious.” she mumbled, smiling smugly when she pushed Alyssa away again and she had a blush across her cheeks. “Obnoxious, but adorable.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You love me anyways.”

“I do, that’s on me.”

“It is indeed.”

The doors of the elevator opened and they went their separate ways, not even daring to look at each other for the next two hours.

***

“Veronica.”

“Betsy.”

They glared at each other over the pile of produce in the local grocery store.

“How’s Alyssa?” Betsy asked, Veronica narrowed her eyes.

“Good, why?”

“Just making friendly conversation.” she hadn’t had the chance to talk to the girls since they arrived in Seattle. It had been a busy day. 

“Well don’t. I have no interest in talking to the likes of you.”

“What? Elderly?”

“No, liberal.”

Betsy scoffed, “your daughter’s a liberal.”

“She’s confused. Your granddaughter has been feeding idea’s into the heads of our local youth and no one seems to do anything about it.”

“Alyssa and Emma don’t talk anymore,” Betsy pointed out, her mind flashing to when she found them asleep on her couch in only their underwear two weeks earlier, “so that’s not possible.”

“She just needs to learn. Some people can’t be saved or fixed. Your girl is one of them.”

“She doesn’t need saving or fixing Greene, she’s a human being.”

“She’s a sickness.”

“You know Veronica, for someone so dedicated to the Lord and your community, you’re sure as fuck going to hell for everything you’ve caused Emma to go through.”

Veronica gasped. “How dare you!” she exclaimed, “I have done nothing to Emma that she hasn’t deserved. It’s not my fault she’s a homosexual.”

“It’s not hers either!”

“It is. Being gay is a choice. It's a horrible, stupid, disgusting life choice.”

“Ignorance and hate is the only bad life choice that plagues the people of this town,” Betsy stated firmly, “I hope one day you all get the fuck over it.”

“You’re crazy,” Veronica responded plainly, turning away from the older lady and heading down the aisle.

“At least I’m a good person.”

The head of the PTA turned on her heel, swiveling to face the elder Nolan who was now inspecting a lemon. 

“If we’re so bad and you’re so good, how did you raise Beth to be just like the rest of us?”

Betsy’s head snapped up.

“I have no idea. Wherever Elizabeth went wrong, it wasn’t with me or her father.”

“Are you sure about that?” Veronica looked smug.

“Yes.” Betsy didn’t falter. “Besides, on your logic, how did Alyssa turn out so good when you’re a royal pain in the ass?”

Veronica bristled but didn’t respond, choosing instead to walk away in a huff.

Alyssa was confused. She was influenced by that menace child Emma Nolan and her unholy ways. She thought back to the photo of Alyssa, so carefree and happy in a field, how that was so much purer than anything the Nolan girl could ever experience because she had chosen that horrible way of life.

Alyssa would be safe as long as she kept her on the right path. Work hard, become a lawyer, make money and live somewhere respectable, start a family with a nice wealthy man, and live a prosperous life. That was good in the eyes of God, that was proper. 

David could never admit she had done anything but an amazing job with their daughter as long as she stayed on that path. She had to prove him wrong for leaving them. She had to. He had chosen a sick life too, and she couldn’t handle anymore of it. She would prove him wrong.

Even if Alyssa had to work extra hard to do it. She could handle it.

Chapter Text

“I’m going to go to bed now, goodnight mom.”

“ Goodnight sweetheart .”

“I’m fucking exhausted,” Alyssa groaned as she fell into the bed of their hotel room. It had been a long day of museums and project working. Apparently school trips included work. Who would’ve known?

“How was she?” Emma asked from where she was digitizing her notes from the day at the desk.

“Annoying. Off. She seemed more overbearing if that’s possible.”

“Didn’t think it was.”

“I didn’t think so either.”

The brunette sighed, walking behind the chair Emma was working at and wrapping her arms around her shoulders from behind, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head.

“You should get some sleep,” she whispered into blonde hair, smiling sleepily as Emma turned to look at her and leaned up to kiss her quickly.

“You should. I just have one more section I need to do.”

“I can wait,” Alyssa said, smiling to herself at the domesticality of it all, “I want cuddles.”

“I’ll be like ten minutes.”

“Okay!” Alyssa pecked Emma on the cheek before turning around and jumping into bed, crawling under the sheets and wiggling around to get conformable. She was tired. Not just from the travel and thinking and overall lack of healthy food. Something had felt off since Stanley Park. It felt like the world had shifted a little bit and it was just a little off.

As Emma crawled into bed and opened her arms for Alyssa to curl into she realized exactly what it was. For the first time, they were forced to recognize that just escaping Indiana wouldn’t secure them a safe life. Emma had still been hurt in Vancouver, even if it was by people from their hometown. Leaving hadn’t kept her safe. It hadn’t kept them safe. And that was an uncomfortable feeling. 

Maybe they never would be safe .

She pushed that thought out of her mind. She felt safe then, wrapped up in her girlfriend’s arms. Maybe that would be the only safety they needed. As she drifted off to sleep, she decided that would be the thought she’d hold on to tighter. They were good as long as they had each other.

***

“Nolan,” Alyssa grabbed her girlfriend’s attention, alongside the attention of half their class, “You’re bleeding.”

Emma’s hand went up to where the cut along her jaw resided and she sighed. She was indeed bleeding again.

“fuck.”

“Here, have some water to clean it up!” Kaylee called, chucking a water bottle at her causing her to stumble back to grab it. Everyone laughed but the blonde didn’t care. 

“Thanks Klein. Always glad to get help from the second biggest bitch in town.”

“SECOND?!” Kaylee asked, anger flaring in her eyes, “who’s a bigger bitch than me?!”

Emma smiled sweetly, it was a poisonous look. “That’s for me to know and you to question for the rest of your life.”

Kaylee glared at her, choosing the more childish route of responses, holding an L to her forehead and sticking her tongue out at the blonde. Emma rolled her eyes.

“You’re a child.”

***

The last thing anyone expected from their time in Seattle was for Emma Nolan to get hit on. By a very pretty blue haired girl in a music shop. To be honest, she was pretty enough that Kaylee, Shelby, Alyssa, and Emma had their heads turn at the sight of her, but none thought about it too much because they were all way too deep into their own relationships to care. Emma and Alyssa grinned at each other, pulling out their phones.

Alyssa: She pretty

Em: She is

Alyssa: Her shirt is amazing

Em: Her hair and her shoes match!

Alyssa: Also, piercings.

Em: Kinda hot ngl

Alyssa: Agreed.

Alyssa: imagine my mom’s face if I showed up from this trip with piercings like that

Alyssa: she’d flip her shit

Em: I would die.

Alyssa: Note to self- get many ear piercings to kill girlfriend

Em: …

Em: please I would actually die

“Hi,” the girl was right next to Emma. The blonde looked up in surprise.

“Hi?” 

“I just wanted to tell you I love your shoes. And also this pin,” she reached out and touched the small pride pin on Emma’s denim jacket. 

“Oh, uh, thanks!” She blushed a little, she couldn’t help it. Everyone would blush if a pretty girl complimented them. Regardless of how much they weren’t interested due to preexisting best friend’s turned lovers.

“I’m Alicia,” the girl held out her hand and Emma shook it.

“Emma.”

“Nice to meet you. Where are you from Emma, you don’t sound like you’re from around here.”

“Indiana,” the blonde told her, “you?”

“Texas.”

“Oh nice, I’ve always wanted to go but I’m kinda afraid I’ll get murdered.”

Alicia looked at her, trying to read her, “Mmmm, yeah it’s a bit of a quick fire place. You should come down one day though, ‘could be lot’s of fun.”

“Maybe someday,” the blonde smiled, her new friend smiling back. They kept talking for a while, Alicia getting closer and slightly more touchier. Emma looked over eventually and found probably the most fuming looking Alyssa Greene she had ever seen. And she had seen Alyssa post The Great Debate Defeat of 2017. Panic shot through the blonde. What had she done? She’d just been talking for a bit. There’s no harm in talking.

“Hey, it was so nice to meet you and talk with you but I need to get back. Have a lovely day,” Emma excused herself quickly, crossing the shop to where Alyssa was angrily staring at a crate of records.

“Hey,” Emma tried, Alyssa turned around.

“Oh, am I still here? Didn’t notice.”

“...‘Lys.”

“I mean, hard to tell when you’re being talked to by a pretty girl with blue hair and piercings.”

“Alyssa, I wasn’t flirting with her.”

“No? She was flirting with you.”

Alyssa didn’t mean to get jealous, she just couldn’t help it. This wasn’t something she had to worry about at home, quite the opposite usually. There was no contest in Edgewater, apparently there was in Seattle. 

“Are you jealous?” Yes.

“No.” She wasn’t sure why she denied it, but something about the word irked her. It was true, she was jealous, but it felt like something she shouldn’t be, so she denied it quickly. She knew Emma was hers, knew that she loved her and was loved back, knew there was nothing to worry about. Apparently jealousy gives no fucks about logic. 

“Alyssa, don't lie to me.”

“I’m not lying!” Lair . “Can we just forget about it? It’s fine.”

Emma sighed, she didn’t believe her at all. “Yeah, okay. Lets go.”

Something was off for the rest of their free time, hovering above them annoyingly. It faded back when they arrived at the MPOP (museum of pop culture), where they fell into a joyous little bubble of nerdiness. The hovering negativity followed behind quietly, giving them space but never leaving. 

There were musical recording booths upstairs and Emma nearly died. It was the best thing ever. She picked out a guitar and went into one of the sound booths, spending nearly 45 minutes in there just messing around. Eventually she exited, an emailed MP3 file on her phone containing an actually well recorded version of one of her favorite songs she’d written to date.

The peace of their afternoon was shattered pretty quickly once they got back to the hotel. It was late, maybe 10:30pm by the time they got back. Their teachers had done this stupid “hot room” exercise where they forced the whole class into one small confrence room in the hotel and made them write an essay on what they had learned that day, only allowed to go to bed once they had completed a satisfactory piece of work to the teachers standards. Alyssa was in there for 45 minutes. Emma was in there for an hour and a half. 

When she finally got back to her room, she was ready to cry. The door closed behind her and the tears fell, she wiped them away quickly, annoyed that the stress of the activity had actually gotten to her. Alyssa didn’t even look up from her place on her bed, headphones in reading a book.

Emma looked at her girlfriend, a sort of annoyed longing in her eyes. She had barely looked at her since the music shop. It was awful. She grabbed her pyjamas and headed into the bathroom, trying to wash away the stress and uncomfort under the weirdly well pressurized shower head. Hotels always had better shower heads than literally anywhere else, it was weird. Even the one she had stayed in between her parents house and when she moved in with her gran. 

She washed her hair and got out, humming along to some half-formed song her mind had come up with. When she exited the bathroom she nearly ran into the wall. Alyssa, hair still wet from her earlier shower, was now curled up in Emma’s hoodie and not much else. The blonde looked at her in exasperation.

“Oh, so you get to be all angry at me all day but you still get my hoodies?” she asked, annoyed. How was that fair?

“I was cold.”

“You have sweaters. And pants. And shirts. Which you’re also lacking.”

“Am I? Didn’t notice.”

“Alyssa,” Emma stared pointedly at the cheerleader, doing her very best not to get distracted by the amount of leg on display, “this is ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous?” the brunette feigned ignorance and Emma sighed in frustration. 

“This! Whatever is happening right now! I didn’t do anything wrong, and if I did it would be nice to know what it was so I can apologize! I thought we were better than refusing to communicate.” 

Alyssa looked up at that. She was unsure, insecure, and unhappy, it was an uncomfortable feeling. She was annoyed both at herself and the situation. Outwardly, she was practically unreadable to Emma and in that moment and it drove her insane.

“‘Lys, I don’t know what I did wrong, if I did anything, but whatever happened I’d like if you’d tell me what it was or how you’re feeling because I really hate the feeling of whatever is happening right now.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Alyssa said, it was carefully worded. Planned. It was a fucking debate tactic. Emma bristled internally. 

“No?”

“No,” the brunette stated, “I’m mad at myself and I’m taking it out on you.”

“That’s not fair,” the blonde pointed out and Alyssa nodded, standing to be in front of Emma. 

“No, it’s not. I’m sorry,” she sounded genuine, which was good. The blonde was so confused about what was happening. Why was Alyssa so closed off but so willing to admit her mistakes. It wasn’t making any sense.

“Alyssa please just talk to me,” Emma took her hand softly, threading their fingers together, “I just want you to talk to me.”

Alyssa’s walls seemed to crash at that. It made Emma wonder what she had been thinking about and holding on to all day to make her feel like she needed to be closed off. Alyssa was good at many things, keeping her head high and her emotions hidden was one of them, but with Emma those things were meant to be put to rest. She did her best to make sure Alyssa felt comfortable being her genuine self, and she was suddenly very concerned as to why that had changed.

“I got jealous.”

“Yeah no shit,” it slipped out and Emma slapped her hand to her mouth, “sorry.”

Alyssa couldn’t help the tiny smile that threatened to escape at that. Nerd . 

“I got jealous,” she started again, “and I didn’t have any right to. But after we left I started thinking, which… sucked. And I was thinking about how that doesn’t happen at home. How it’s just us and that makes it easy. I started wondering if we’d be together if we lived somewhere else, if you’d want me still if you knew what else was out there… I don't know, I guess I just got really scared.”

“Alyssa, I love you. Like, quite a bit. I didn’t even realize she was flirting with me until I looked over and saw you looking like you were going to kill someone. I quite literally only have eyes for you. That’s not going to change just because we’re out of state.”

“I mean, yeah, I know that. I guess my brain doesn’t?” Alyssa stopped, trying to figure out what she wanted to say, “I guess. You know intrusive thoughts? It was like that. Just, over and over my brain kept telling me hey- she can do better . She can do so much better. You deserve better Em. You deserve someone who will walk up and steal you back from potential pretty girls, not someone who freezes on the spot.”

“Well I love, and want , someone who will glare holes into potential pretty girls instead.”

Alyssa looked at her, “I hate feeling like this,” she admitted, “I know you love me. I know that. But some fucked up little voice in my head somehow has taken over everything and I hate it .”

Emma stepped forward slowly, pulling Alyssa closer and pushing some stray curls out of her face.

“Alyssa Greene, you are amazing, beautiful, smart, talented, funny, and kind. You are literally everything I could ever ask for and in return I do my best to be the best to you. Your mind may be horrible right now, but you aren’t. I love you so much, I don’t care about other girls who may or may not come looking, as long as I have you nothing else will compare. I love you so much and if you need me to I will remind you in any way you need.”

Alyssa couldn’t help the tears that fell. She was so tired of crying. So tired of pain. So tired in general. She moved her hands up to cup Emma’s face, leaning in to kiss her before stepping back in surprise. She pulled her hands away and looked at them. 

“You’re bleeding again my love,” she whispered, Emma smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry. What a way to ruin a moment.”

Alyssa chuckled quietly, “Go clean that up so I can kiss you properly.”

“Yes ma’am,” Emma went back into the bathroom, cleaning her cut quickly and going back out. Alyssa was sitting against the headboard of her bed, buried in Emma’s sweater, looking at something on her phone. She looked up when Emma came back into the room and sprung up, moving swiftly to her and pulling her into a kiss. Emma smiled into the kiss, lifting Alyssa up. Her legs instinctively wrapped around Emma’s waist, smiling when she was hoisted a little for comfort. Emma turned to lay her girlfriend down lightly on her bed, leaning over to kiss her deeply.

“I’m sorry for today,” Alyssa mumbled and the blonde pulled back to look at her.

“You need to stop apologizing for having feelings love, you’re allowed to have feelings.”

“My mom doesn’t seem to think so. My feelings are somewhat an inconvenience to her, and everyone else it seems.”

“Well I love your feelings. They make you real.”

Alyssa took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly before pulling Emma in so they were forehead to forehead. 

“I really really love you.”

“Good,” the blonde laughed quietly, “or else tomorrow morning is going to be really really awkward.”

Chapter Text

“Nolan!” Kaylee stuck her head in the door as Alyssa put her shoes on, “are you coming?”

“Why would I be coming?”

“Because it’s just us and we want you to?’

“You do?!”

“Yeah bitch. You make Alyssa happy. C’mon let's go.”

Emma looked over at her girlfriend for confirmation that yes, this is actually happening , before getting up to put on her shoes and grab a hoodie. It had disappeared. She looked around and found the clothing item of choice on Alyssa.

“Alyssa, that is my hoodie.”

“Is it though? I’m the only one who’s worn it this whole trip.”

“You keep stealing it!”

“And you keep saying I look cute in it. You have more, grab one of those.”

“I want that one.”

“Don’t be a child, get another one.”

Emma pouted playfully, flipping her girlfriend the bird as she dug through her bag to get another one. She pulled her glasses off, placing them on the bed before yanking the offending fabric over her head and shoving her glasses back on, sticking her tongue out at Alyssa as she did. Alyssa rolled her eyes affectionately before taking her hand and pulling her out of the room. 

“Where are we going?” Emma asked, and Kayle turned to look at her.

“To find slushies and have Alyssa take cool photos of us in an empty laundromat.”

“Have you spent a lot of time in Portland, Kaylee?” Emma raised her eyebrows quizzically, “or are you dragging us out into the streets of a city we don’t know in the late evening under the assumption they have a 711?”

“The second one.”

“Cool.” Emma paused, “what if we get murdered.”

“Oh please, no one dies in Oregon.”

“The Goonies is set in Oregon,” Shelby pointed out and Emma pointed at her triumphantly. 

“See?”

“The Goonies also found ancient treasure in a cave.”

“As they should. Oregon holds all kinds of secrets.”

“Yeah, like lesbian killing street murderes.”

“Then we’ll be fine,” Kaylee grinned, and Alyssa rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t think the murderers are going to stop to ask if you’re bi or not when they’re killing you Kay.”

“Who knows, maybe it’s just the lesbians they’re after.”

“Oh look, a 711,” Shelby interjected the ridiculous argument, shooting a knowing look to Emma who rolled her eyes. “Heathers time”.

“Which one of us is Veronica?”

“You.” All three cheerleaders replied at once and Emma glared at them.

“Take a second to think about it why don't you? Damn.”

They went into the store together, separating to pick out snacks and slushies and otherwise necessary items (a lighter, some sparklers, three disposable cameras, a packet of mini bubble blowers, and a $2 picnic blanket) before meeting back up outside. 

Shelby checked her phone quickly to look at the map before leading the group towards the closest stretch of beach. Loud waves crashed at the shore as they set up a small picnic area and sat in a clump in the sand. Shelby pulled out her phone and started playing some for jazzy tunes while Kaylee organized their pile of snacks.

“You listen to a lot of jazz Gonzalez?”

“You don’t? It soothes the soul.”

“Oh no, I do. I just didn’t expect it from you.”

“What did you expect?” the girl pushed curls out of her face and raised her eyebrows expectantly. 

“Uh… Like, rap, or something.”

“I have taste, Nolan.”

“Apparently!” Emma agreed, an amused look on her face, “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Shelby flipped her off and Emma grinned. She reached down to grab a gummy worm but Kaylee stopped her before she could eat it. 

“Careful with that Nolan, it’s an edible.”

Emma dropped the gummy like it burned her, staring at it in horror as it landed on her lap.

“WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK KAYLEE!”

“I just thought we could spice up our evening!” the girl defended. 

“It’s illegal!”

“Not in oregon.”

“It’s still illegal because you’re seventeen you moron,” Emma pointed out, placing the worm back in the bag and glaring at it.

“What, you've never been high Nolan?”

Emma’s face flushed red. She had. Her and Alyssa had last summer. They were in the back of her pickup truck, having a cute little date at the lake, goofing around. Betsy had given them the weed because she thought it would be funny. It had been. The blonde had ended up hanging off the edge of her pickup truck singing songs about the beauty of eating chicken nuggets under the stars while Alyssa ate an entire bag of chips and climbed a tree while loudly reciting an entire debate monologue. 

“I have,” the blonde slowly answered, and Kaylee lit up.

“You have?”

“I have.”

“What happened?”

Emma looked to Alyssa who turned bright red at the memory.

‘Don’t you dare say it.’

‘Please?’

‘No.’

‘You should say it, they’ll lose their shit.’

‘N o’

The blonde grinned at her girlfriend, opening her mouth as if she was going to say something, but Alyssa lunged at her and slammed her hand over her mouth.

“NOTHING!”

“Wait, Alyssa has gotten high?! What the fuck kind of influence are you Nolan?”

“A very,” Emma escaped her girlfriend’s silencing hand, “very bad one.”

“Oh my god I need to hear about this.” Shelby sat up straight, crossing her legs and placing her hands in her lap expectantly. Kaylee mimicked her. 

“All I’ll say,” Alyssa said, grinning at the horror that struck Emma’s face when she realized what was about to happen, “is that there is a reason people sing songs about having sex while high.”

“ohmyfuckinggod,” Emma mumbled, pulling her hood over her head and ripping at the string so her face was hidden. Alyssa laughed, leaning over and opening the tiny hole in the fabric enough to press a teasing kiss to the tip of her girlfriend’s nose. She could practically feel the blush radiating off her skin.

“Alyssa, you have an entire double life.”

“Yep!” Alyssa responded simply, taking a large sip of her slushie before laying down and placing her head in Emma’s lap, looking up at the stars. 

Shelby and Kaylee stared at the couple in disbelief before each shoving a gummy in their mouth and laying down as well. 

By the time the group finished their slushies and moved on from their ocean stargazing to go to the laundromat they had located, all four of them were at least a little bit high. Just a tad. Just a wee bit- maybe Kaylee tried to scale a lamp post, but that was no one else's business but her own.

By the time they reached the 24 hour laundry shop, they were at least in enough of a state of mind to be upright and mindful of camera work. The room was medium sized, lit up by bright colourful fluorescent from outside and a few dim lamps in each corner. There were washing machines against three of the four walls and two rows of dryers splitting the room in half in the middle. 

“We should dance!” Kaylee called out as the four of them milled around the room aimlessly. Alyssa and Emma were connected by their hands which were almost entirely covered by the sleeves of their sweaters, pacing circled around the room mindlessly. They stopped at the idea and grinned, posing dramatically before spinning each other around the room to no music. Shelby laughed at them as she climbed into one of the machines and hung her legs out.

“Not like that!” Kaylee complained, but her eyes lit up as Shelby started playing music. “Yeah! Like that!”

The begging notes of FLETCHER’s Wasted Youth filled the room, amplified when Shelby stuck her phone in a nearby bowl after climbing out of her place in the washing machine. Emma climbed up on top of one of the dryers and laughed as Alyssa made her way up behind her, Kaylee and Shleby joining them quickly after. The music filled the small space as the group danced around the room, laughing and singing along. At some point Alyssa handed out the mini bubble blowers and they danced around as bubbles floated around them. 

Emma grinned, she hadn’t felt this free in a long time. She danced around with Alyssa, passing her off to dance with Shelby and then back again, no weirdness for the time being. She remembered slightly, in the part of her mind that refused to surrender to the substance in her system, thinking she’d never do something like this with anyone. She didn’t have close friends, she didn’t have moments like this with anyone but Alyssa. But in that moment she let it go, enjoying herself as bubbles fell through the air and her girlfriend spun her around on top of a drying machine in a laundromat at 11:30pm on Friday night in a city they didn’t know. A city that didn’t know them.

“I don’t wanna go back yet,” Alyssa complained as they made their way slowly in the direction of the hotel. 

“We should get food.”

“Oh my god food ,” Emma agreed, swinging her and Alyssa’s hands between them mindlessly.

“Yes. Food. Let’s find somewhere to eat.”

So they did. Just like that. They found a small diner a few blocks from the hotel, ordering an excessive amount for 3 cheerleaders, making jokes and having sword fights with their straws until they became tired and decided to head back. They snuck back into the hotel quickly and quietly, sighing in relief when they got to their floor and no one was in the hall.

“Have a good sleep,” Kaylee snickered, winking at Emma and Alyssa as she walked towards her room. 

“Don’t call us.” Emma called back pointedly. Kaylee looked back in confusion but Shelby turned bright red and flipped her off. 

“Fuck you Nolan,” she called quietly and Emma grinned.

“No thanks.”

Emma and Alyssa barely managed to get changed before falling into one of their beds in a mess of giggles and soft kisses, tangling together and falling asleep quickly. 

“I love you,” Emma whispered into her girlfriend’s shoulder as she dozed off.

“I love you too,” Alyssa mumbled, a small smile still on her face as she fell asleep.

It’s my life, if I’m gonna waste it

Gonna waste it on you

“This is a bad idea.”

“I’m starting to think everything we do is a bad idea babe”

“Alyssa this is like, a new level of hey don’t do that ,” the blonde said, pulling Alyssa closer despite it.

“Then why are you pulling me closer?”

“Because you’re pretty and I can’t help myself.”

“HEY!” A man dressed as the chef from Ratatouille yelled at them.

“I fucking told you,” Emma rolled her eyes, grabbing Alyssa’s hand and running. 

There were not a lot of good places to hide in a Disney Park, pretty much everything was public. Emma and Alyssa had spotted Nick and Kevin and Shelby and Kaylee earlier and had run into the empty demo kitchen to hide until they passed. Alyssa had pulled Emma into a side closet, giggling to herself as they stood flush against each other in the small space. She had kissed her, and the blonde hadn’t stopped her. Until she realized herself and she did. Because it was still illegal to be hiding backstage at DisneyLand.  

They ran into the crowd of the park, laughter spilling from their lips as they weaved their way through people, spotting a ride with a short line and rushing to get on. They had escaped Gusteau. 

“You’re insane and I’m never doing that again,” the blonde laughed, adrenaline rushing through her, “Next time we’re just walking away from each other.”

“Boring,” Alyssa sing-songed next to her and Emma rolled her eyes.

“Legal.”

“Boring though.”

“How on God's green earth are you considered the most respectable person in Edgewater and then still pull shit like this?”

“Magic.”

Emma stuck her tongue out, before suddenly realizing they were on a ride. Together. Where anyone could see them if they happened to pass by. Her face went white.

“‘Lys. We’re too exposed.”

“We’re on a ride?”

“Not to Gusteau babe, to anyone from our grad class.”

Alyssa looked up, sudden concern on her face too. She hadn’t thought about that. God why hadn’t she thought about that? She was getting too comfortable on this trip, and too comfortable was dangerous.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe no one will see?”

“Lys.”

“Yeah. Okay. Uh, how comfortable are you with me pouring water on your head?”

“It’s literally March?”

“Can I or can I not pour water on your head and yell at you?”

Emma thought about it for a moment, shivering at the thought. It was 20ºc (68ºf) and overcast, it really was not that warm. Alyssa’s water was also kept cold as fuck.

“Yep.”

“Actually?”

“Yes.”

“I love you.”

“You fucking better, because I am going to get you back so hard for this,”

Alyssa grinned, “I hope so.” she winked and Emma turned so red it was a wonder she didn’t explode.

The ride came to an end and Alyssa and Emma hopped off, Emma gave her girlfriend’s hand one last squeeze before walking off.

Alyssa spotted Jess and Caleb, two of her classmates watching them in confusion and she sighed. Acting time.

“HEY NOLAN!” Emma whipped her head around at the sound, her face red and convincingly fearful. 

“What?”

“Don't EVER assume it’s okay to sit next to me on a ride again, understand me? We aren’t friends. Just because you know me doesn’t mean we can be ride buddies.”

Emma stood there, frozen as Alyssa approached her. Jess and Caleb watched in amusement, phones out to record.

“Sorry.”

“You should be.” Alyssa poured the water over her girlfriend’s head, trying not to wince at the gasp she let out. She held her head high.

Emma spluttered, spitting water that trickled into her mouth out and pushing her hair out of her face, unable to see from the water covering her glasses.

“You know Alyssa, I always thought you were better than them. Your friend’s. Now I see you’re just like them. Must suck to be so full of shit all the time.”

“Go fuck yourself Nolan,” Kaylee appeared, taking the attention off Alyssa immediately. She had no idea what was happening, but she thought help could be used. “God knows no one else will.”

Emma stared at the cheerleaders, trying to figure out if it was worth fighting them. She seemingly decided against it, rolling her eyes and walking away, stumbling when Shelby stuck her foot out and tripped her as she passed to join her friend’s. 

“Homo!” Caleb called at her and the blonde sighed.

Fuck Edgewater and it’s exhausting, stupid, nosey, homophobic, trash townspeople.

***

“How’d I do?”

“Well there’s water on me so I guess pretty well,” they were hidden around the side of a restaurant, Alyssa trying to dry off Emma’s hair with paper towels.

“I guess it’s really not that hard for me to get you wet.”

Emma flushed violently and Alyssa couldn’t help the blush that took over her face too. For all the fun she had teasing her girlfriend, sometimes she was caught off guard by her own forwardness. 

“Jesus Alyssa,” Emma mumbled, shaking her head to clear her mind of the deeply unholy thoughts that had popped up quickly. Droplets of water hit her girlfriend as she did and the blonde laughed as Alyssa stepped back in surprise and made a face.

“I’m not sorry,” Alyssa smiled, rubbing the hand over her face to remove the water that had landed there. 

“I know you’re not,” the blonde responded plainly, reaching out to hook her fingers in the belt loops of Alyssa’s jeans before pulling her forward so they were flush against the wall of the restaurant, placing her lips right by her girlfriend’s ear, “but you will be.” 

It was a perfect challenge of self control. One neither of them were sure they could complete.

Alyssa’s breath hitched and suddenly she remembered exactly why teasing only got her so far in life. She was still weak when it came to her girlfriend, especially when she did stuff like that . Alyssa realized quickly that she was in for a long rest of her day.

***

“‘Lys, please ”

“No,” Alyssa’s hand stayed very still on her girlfriend’s stomach as she pressed hot kisses down her neck, “you made today very difficult.”

“You made us run from fucking Jaques Gusteau!”

Alyssa smirked as Emma squirmed beneath her. Finally the blonde had enough. Alyssa had both been obnoxiously teasing and unfairly pretty all day and she couldn't take it anymore. By some miracle she was able to flip them around, laughing at the look of despair on Alyssa’s face when she found herself on her back.

“ Shit ,” the brunette muttered and Emma grinned at her.

“You’re so in for it now Greene,” she leaned down to capture her girlfriend’s lips with her own, parting them with her tongue and smiling as Alyssa groaned into her. Her hands found their way under her shirt as her lips moved down Alyssa’s neck, kissing hard enough to invoke a reaction without actually leaving a mark.

“Well, with you on top of me, who could complain?” She was trying to remain resilient, but her voice came out breathless and she could feel herself dissolving under her girlfriend’s touch.

“Our entire town, but what they don’t know can’t hurt them.” 

Emma kissed harder across her girlfriend’s chest, reveling in the noises that fell from perfect parted lips as she did. Her phone buzzed. She ignored it. It buzzed again, Alyssa stopped her.

“Answer it.”

“ No .”

“Emma, answer your phone, it could be your Gran.”

“In which case, she can wait a bit so I can fuck my grilfriend in peace.”

New Message: Gran

Gran: Emma Nolan answer your phone

Gran: I don’t care how pretty Alyssa is naked.

Gran: Answer me.

Emma sighed and answered the phone.

“How did you know?”

“ I have a sixth sense. ”

“I hate you.”

“HI BETSY”

“ HI ALYSSA ”

“Is there a reason you’re interrupting us this time?”

“ Yes. That video of Alyssa pouring water on your head. ”

Emma looked at her girlfriend in horror. Alyssa couldn’t help the wicked smile that crossed her face. 

“What video?”

“ Oh, the video the whole town was sent of Alyssa pouring water over your head because you got too close to her. Wonderful acting, you two are very dedicated. ” Betsy cackled on the other line.

“Seriously? This is your reaction to me being bullied?”

“ Emma Nolan, it’s not bullying if it’s consensual. ”

“That’s what I said!” Alyssa piped up, thinking of their conversation about hate-fucking all those weeks ago. 

“ Anyways- oh shit. Hang on. I have company. ” Emma and Alyssa looked at each other. 

“ ---Hello Veronica, it’s nice to see you again.”

“Your granddaughter is getting too close to my Alyssa again,” Veronica could be heard saying. Emma couldn’t help herself, she pressed a rebellious kiss to Alyssa’s hip and watched as her girlfriend had to bite her lip from making any noises. She smiled softly as Alyssa shot her a lovingly amused look that screamed this is what you consider rebellion to my mother? I literally adore you . 

Their guardians had begun arguing over the phone.

“She’s still a human being.”

“She’s a monster.”

“Well Alyssa handled her hatred better than you ever have. Water over the head is better than social exclusion from an entire town.”

“So you agree she deserved water thrown on her.”

“She’s a teenager, they all deserve water thrown on them!”

Emma snorted at that and slapped her hand over her mouth. She heard Mrs Greene pause. Fuck . 

“...can she hear us right now?”

“Yes.” 

“NOLAN!”

Emma panicked.

“Yes ma’am?” she asked, as if she wasn’t lying practically naked with her daughter in a bed in California.

“Is Alyssa there with you?”

“Yes ma’am. She sleeps here. She’s just getting ready for bed right now.”

“You stay away from her!”

Emma rolled her eyes, flipping off her phone screen and pressing a pointed kiss to her girlfriend’s lips, knowing it was the closest she’d ever get to doing it in real life. They melted a little before realizing Emma should say something back.

“After today,” Emma responded after a moment, “I wouldn’t go near her with a ten foot pole.”

She heard Mrs Greene scoff. Her gran’s voice came back over the line.

“Emma, honey, I’ll call you back in an hour. Sorry you had to hear the witch's voice today. Enjoy your…………. Activities.”

Betsy hung up. Emma let out a loud sigh. She fell into Alyssa, laughing breathlessly into her shoulder as her girlfriend played with her hair. 

“How does Indiana keep cockblocking us from across the country?” Alyssa asked, laughing when Emma let out a frustrated groan of agreement. She leaned back to face the cheerleader.

“Guess we should stop letting them.”

Alyssa raised her eyebrows teasingly, running her hand over Emma’s shoulders and hooking them behind her neck, pulling her in so they were forehead to forehead.

“Now there’s an idea.”

***

“You’re gay!”

“You’re naked in my bed!”

“Fuck, good point.” 

Emma stuck her head out of the bathroom and grinned smugly at her girlfriend. Alyssa allowed herself the pleasure of taking in the sight of a freshly showered Emma Nolan, hair still wet, no glasses, in pants and a bra. She grinned back. 

“You done in there?” She asked and the blonde nodded, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as they passed through the doorway in opposite directions. 

“I love you.” She called and Alyssa turned to look at her. 

“I love you too, idiot. I can’t wait to drag you onto It’s A Small World.”

Emma groaned loudly, falling back onto her bed.

“Nooooo.”

“Oh yes.”

***

New Message: Mom

Mom: Well done standing up to that deviant sinner yesterday

Mom: I’m proud of you

Alyssa felt her heart sink a little. Of course the one thing her mom would actually be proud of her for something not only very fake, but also very wrong.

Alyssa: Thanks mom.

What the fuck.

Chapter Text

It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all it’s a small small world. It’s a world of love it’s a world of peace---

“Kill me kill me kill me kill me,” Emma sang quietly as the boat slowly made its way through the mountains of singing dolls. The song switched to German. Emma sighed. How long is this fucking ride ?

Emma fell asleep. On the ride. Waking up only when she felt the boat come to a stop at the end. She hopped out of the boat and walked blearily towards a food stand where she bought herself a pretzel for sitting through that ride. She spotted Alyssa leaning against a lamp post, a headband with Mickey Mouse ears on her head and a knowing look in her eyes. 

‘You fell asleep’

‘You can’t prove that’

Lys: [Image]

Emma: how dare you

There was a photo of Emma asleep on the ride. She glared at her girlfriend, taking a pointed bite out of her pretzel. 

Alyssa shot her a grin before turning back to face whoever was flirting with her at that moment. Some guy called Jax who had run into her in the line for Space Mountain. He was nice, but not for the right reasons. It almost made Alyssa laugh, these people just assumed because she was pretty, friendly, and a cheerleader that she was straight and in need of someone to hold her. This was subject number six, and they had only been in the park for a few hours.

Emma watched in mild amusement as the sixth person of the day tried to woo her girlfriend. Newsflash morons, she’s attracted to women . 

About five minutes later Alyssa looked over, boredom written across her face.

Lys: He’s talking about sports

Lys: How are people attracted to men?

Emma: idk babe that’s not something I can relate to.

Emma: want me to come save you?

Lys: seems dangerous

Lys: but the thought of it is nice

Lys: bet you’d make a hot protective girlfriend

Emma: I am a hot protective girlfriend….

Emma: just from a distance

Emma: Can’t you tell?

Alyssa looked over and Emma gave her her best “I’m going to kill that man” look. Alyssa grinned. Jax noticed.

“Who’re you smiling at?” He asked and Alyssa’s gaze snapped back onto him instantly.

“Uh, no one. Just a kid looking super happy. I like seeing people happy.”

Jax nodded, thinking nothing of it and continuing his monologue about how soccer is a weak sport.

“Anyway, women's soccer is way better than mens soccer because one, they’re women so they’re awesome, and two, like half of them are lesbians which is fun because that way there’s not as much toxic bullshit happening all the time.”

Alyssa looked up in surprise. Oh. Probably not 100% accurate, but a nice thought regardless.

“Uh, yeah. I’ve never really liked watching soccer to be honest. I cheer for football and basketball but not really any soccer. We have like one soccer team back home and everyone just plays together against local towns as their age requires.”

“Oh? Are you from a small town?”

“Yeah, we have more farms than stoplights.”

“Damn. Is it hard living there?”

“Honestly, yes. But we make it work.”

“We?’

Oh. Oops.

“Mhmm,” she didn’t elaborate. He didn’t ask.

“Sounds quiet. I live in downtown toronto, it’s loud all the time.”

“It’s certainly not loud back home. What’s toronto like?”

‘We’re making small talk again. Kill me’

‘That’s the price you pay to be pretty’

‘Go fuck youself’

‘Do it yourself, coward’

Alyssa flipped Emma off with the hand holding her water bottle, hoping her new friend wouldn’t notice. Emma stuck her tongue out and grinned. Alyssa wanted so badly to roll her eyes. Honestly she wanted to storm over there and kiss her girlfriend until she was completely breathless, take her on the most thrilling rides she could find, and keep building tension between them until they either broke into uncontrollable laughter or they were arrested for public indecency in a Disney Park.

Neither were realistic, both sounded fun. 

***

“Hi”

“Hey,” they had gone back to the hotel for a midday break. It was their last night of the trip so the class would be out late in the parks before probably sneaking out later to have some last minute fun. Apparently Doug was experienced in that kind of thing because he had planned a break in the middle of the day for some down time just after lunch. 

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you since Jax.”

“Jax?”

“The one who made small talk.”

“They all make small talk ‘Lys you’re a pretty stranger.”

“I’m pretty?” Alyssa's voice was filled with amusement and Emma rolled her eyes as she pressed a light kiss to her girlfriend’s shoulder. 

“The prettiest.”

“Am I a stranger?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

Alyssa turned in her arms to look at Emma, a soft look on her face that made the blonde melt.

“Not to you.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Alyssa leaned up slightly to press a chaste kiss to her girlfriend’s lips, smiling as Emma pulled her closer subconsciously. Alyssa pulled back to pepper tiny kisses across Emma’s face, giggling as the blonde blushed furiously and let a smile take over her face.

“Will you sneak away with me at the fireworks show?” Alyssa asked and Emma raised her eyebrows in amusement.

“Alyssa Greene are you suggesting we leave our class on the final night of our school trip?” she asked, voice teasing, “how very un-model student of you.”

“I’m tired of being the model student I want to kiss you under the fireworks at Disneyland.”

“I’d be honoured to kiss you under the fireworks at Disneyland.”

“Yeah?”

“‘Course. As long as you’re comfortable breaking rules and whatever.”

“I’m comfortable when I’m with you. Even when we’re breaking rules.”

“And you call me a sap.”

“You are.”

“So are you.”

Alyssa simply rolled her eyes and pulled Emma in for another kiss. 

“Nap time?” Emma asked and Alyssa grinned up at her.

“Yes. Absolutely nap time.”

The two of them curled up in Alyssa’s bed, Emma running her fingers through soft dark curls and Alyssa’s fingers traced mindless patterns on her girlfriend’s stomach. They lay there, drifting in and out of sleep peacefully until it was time to leave again.

***

3…

Alyssa and Emma rushed through the crowd away from their class, hands clasped together as they went. Their hair whipped behind them, laughter escaping happy smiles and adrenaline-filled joy lighting up their eyes as they ran.

2…

Emma stopped their movement, grinning widely at Alyssa. Alyssa who looked so beautiful, her curls wild and free from running, the strap of her overalls falling down one shoulder, her breathing laboured from running but her eyes bright and full of life.

Alyssa looked back, her heart stopping as she looked at her girlfriend. Her glasses were sliding down her face, her denim jacket was barely still on her shoulders, her pride pin was glowing in the lights of the castle, and she was the most beautiful person Alyssa thought she’d ever have the luxury of seeing in her lifetime. Emma’s smile was wide and her eyes were looking right back into Alyssa’s. 

1…

Emma pulled Alyssa into her, smiling down as she was met with a loving gaze. There was no hesitation there, no fear. They were surrounded by people, by strangers, yet there was no one else in the world but them. Alyssa wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck, leaning up so they were nose to nose.

“I love you, Emma Nolan,” Alyssa whispered, and she felt her girlfriend’s breath hitch.

“I love you, Alyssa Greene,” was whispered back, and it felt like they were the only thing that existed. 

Maybe they were.

“Kiss me,” neither knew who said it, the words melting into each other. It didn’t matter, they just willed it into existence and went for it. For once in their lives, they did what they wanted without a care in the world. 

0…

The plane landed at 12pm in Indianapolis. The class returned to James Madison high about an hour and a half later. As they climbed out of the bus, Emma turned to meet the eye of her girlfriend, her girlfriend just barely managed to glance back.

“I love you,” Emma mouthed at her, and she got a soft look in response. But Mrs. Green was there, so Alyssa couldn’t do much more.

Lys: I love you too.

***

They barely saw each other for a month after they got home. Certainly not for a lack of trying, but it seemed Mrs Greene was determined to have Alyssa be as physically busy as she possibly could be. 

On one hand, there was no chance people could think they were dating because they were never near each other. On the other hand, they were never near each other. They saw each other once a week to study chemistry for 50 minutes and that was it. And Alyssa actually had to study because she was about this close to exploding something again in hopes it would kill her. 

Between cheer, debate, student council, grad council, weekend volunteering, prom committee (because that was coming up…) and every other extra curricular and work experience opportunity her mother had found, Alyssa was holding on by an ever thinning thread.

It got to a point that she studied extra hard for the first 40 minutes of lunch with her girlfriend so that she could get the barest amount of kisses and physical affection they could fit before they had to get to class. It was torture. Alyssa wondered if her mother was actually trying to kill her. Emma wondered if Mrs Greene had genuinely managed to convince God to hate her.

Eventually, Alyssa couldn’t handle it anymore. She lied to her mom. Not that she hadn’t in the past, but it had been a while since she’d even had the time to lie to her mother.

Alyssa Greene: Going over to Shelby’s to study after practice

Veronica Greene (mom): What about the parent meeting?

Alyssa Greene: I’m not a parent

Alyssa Greene: Besides I haven’t hung out with Kaylee or Shelby in forever

Alyssa Greene: Just for tonight?

Veronica Greene (mom): Just tonight. Be home by 9am tomorrow. We have to go shopping.

Alyssa Greene: For what?

Veronica Green (mom): The pageant.

Alyssa Greene: okay

“Fuck.” Alyssa slammed her palm into her locker, the sound echoing through the mostly empty locker room. 

“What?” Kaylee asked, head whipping up in surprise at the noise.

“The pageant.”

“Oh, yeah we’re starting shopping on the weekend.”

Alyssa looked dismayed. She had forgotten about the pageant, she really hated it. There was a lot of attention on you when you were being paraded around like a prize for a man like it was 1885, and that kind of attention really tested the strength of one Alyssa Greene.

“I don’t think I can deal with this.”

“Alyssa, you’ll be fine. You’re always fine. Everything will be okay.”

Alyssa shot her friend a look of utmost disbelief. 

“Bullshit.”

“Well with that attitude you won’t get anywhere. You really need to unwind.”

“I’m aware, thank you Kaylee,” Alyssa groaned as she pulled her cheer sweatshirt over her head and pulled her hair up into a messy half-do. 

“When was the last time you saw You Know Who?” Shelby asked as she tried desperately not to look at Kaylee’s half naked figure while she changed.

“Outside of studying?” Shelby nodded and Alyssa sighed in defeat, “Cali.”

Her friend’s looked up at her in surprise.

“CALIFORNIA?!”

“Alyssa, that was like a month ago!”

Alyssa gasped sarcastically, “No way!”

“You need to get laid.”

Alyssa blushed but didn’t hesitate, “Yep but Veronica Greene is making that exceptionally hard at the moment.”

“Fuck in the downstairs bathroom.”

“One, no. Herpes. Two, I don’t even have enough time for that .”

Her friends gave her pitying looks.

“Anyway, if my mom asks, we’re sleeping over at your house tonight and studying for our math test on monday.”

“We don’t have a math test on monday.”

“I know.”

Kaylee grinned at her. Shelby shook her head in amusement.

“ooOOooo!” Kaylee cooed obnoxiously, “Alyssa and Emma sittin’ in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n- HEY!”

Alyssa’s shirt hit her in the face, and Kaylee glared at the offending cheerleader who looked pleased with the silence she had managed.

“Shut up.” She made sure the request was clear and Kaylee and Shelby just threw her smug grins instead. The burnette rolled her eyes and grabbed her shirt off Kaylee to shove in her back.

“You’re both awful. Have a good night.”

“BE SAFE!” Shelby yelled after her and Alyssa couldn’t help the small smile that crossed her lips. A year ago Kaylee and Shelby wouldn’t be caught dead approving of homosexual activities. Now, they were both partaking in their own (on occasion) and also cheering on the love between their lesbian best friend and the towns least favourite person. A year ago Alyssa was still unsure of how willing she was to be gay even while she helplessly fell deeper in love with her best friend/ secret girlfriend. Now, she was secretly super okay with being gay and still falling deeper in love with her best friend/ slightly-less-secret girlfriend every day.

“Oh thank God, you’re still alive,” Betsy joked when Alyssa knocked on her front door, pulling the girl into a warm hug. Alyssa melted a little, falling into the familiar comfort of Betsy Nolan and her love. 

“I missed you Betsy,” she admitted when the older lady finally let her through the door.

“I missed you Alyssa Greene. Those photos on the fridge are nothing compared to the real person.”

“Ah, but at least you have proof I had a life before my mother tried to indirectly murder me via extra curiculars.”

“How is the wicked witch?” Betsy asked as Alyssa hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter and she got to work making them hot chocolates. It was unspoken, a habit they had gotten into when Emma had panic attacks and needed space that left them alone together that had become more of a ritual when they wanted to talk.

“Relentless.”

“Sorry to hear that.” Betsy handed her a mug and they headed into the living room. 

***

An hour later Emma got home from band practice. To anyone who didn’t know her, she could have passed off being normal. Alyssa and Betsy took one look at her and demanded to know what had happened before she even had the chance to take her shoes off.

“Nick tried to- Oh, hi Alyssa.”

“Hi my love,” Alyssa greeted from her spot on the couch, concern written across her face, “what did Nick try to do?”

“Nothing. Doesn’t matter,” Emma lied blatantly and deeply unconvincingly as she walked over to kiss the top of her Gran’s head in greeting before sweeping Alyssa into her arms bridal style and looking at her grandmother.

“I’m stealing her.” she stated and Betsy laughed.

“She’s all yours kid,” the older lady said, but she threw a look at Emma anyways. We’re not done here . 

“I know! It’s amazing.” I know. It’s not that bad I promise.

As soon as they got upstairs Emma dropped Alyssa on her bed and climbed on top of her, pressing her into the mattress and kissing her deeply. Alyssa hummed in appreciation before realizing herself and pulling back to look at her girlfriend.

“You have to tell me what happened first,” she stated as solidly as she could. Emma groaned.

“Nooo it’ll ruin the mood.”

“There’s no mood yet Nolan we haven’t even started. Tell me.”

“He just said some shit and it was gross and made me feel kinda awful and I really wanted to call you but I didn’t want to bother you because I know you’re really busy right now and I know you’re mom’s been up your ass the past few weeks but,” she took a deep breath to stop her rambling, “I just really miss you and I’m glad you’re here.”

Alyssa looked at her.

“What did he say to you?”

Emma paused. She looked uncertain, like maybe Alyssa would try to kill their classmate before she got the chance to stop her if she continued.

“He said he wanted to have a threesome with me and Lexy, said he could fuck the queer out of me, I mean that’s stupid anyways because Lexy, but it was still gross. I told him I’d rather never have sex again then even look at his dick, so he started cussing me out. I wasn’t aware he even knew most of those slurs but there they were.”

Alyssa had fire in her eyes. Emma sighed. 

“Anyways, that happened. It was gross, I hated it, it’s over, can I please have sex with you now?”

“Mood’s ruined.”

“Alyssa!”

Alyssa laughed despite herself. She gave her girlfriend a look that clearly displayed that they weren’t done with the conversation, to which she received a look of alright fine . Emma sat up and took off her glasses then, laughing as Alyssa fanned herself dramatically and sat up too so Emma was in her lap. 

“Oooo, the glasses are coming off. We’re getting serious.”

“Shhh,” Emma shushed as she pressed slow kisses to Alyssa’s lips, smiling to herself as her girlfriend’s hands moved automatically to her butt.

“Oooo the hands are on the butt,” Emma teased as she pulled the pins and ties out of Alyssa’s hair and watched it fall over her shoulders, “we’re getting serious.”

Alyssa blew a stray curl out of her face and rolled her eyes, laughing as her girlfriend yelped when she switched their positions. She pulled Emma’s shirt over her head, immediately dropping down to press slow hot kisses down her neck, across her shoulders, and towards her chest. Emma reached out and helped Alyssa out of her own shirt, pulling her girlfriend back in for a proper kiss as her hands wandered over Alyssa’s toned stomach and up her back.

The blonde couldn’t help the small giggle that left her lips as Alyssa tugged on her jeans, laughing harder at the excited grin that crossed her girlfriend’s face when she lifted her hips to allow the pants to be removed. Alyssa’s followed and suddenly they were very barely clothed.

Alyssa moved back up to straddle Emma, pressing a kiss to each cheek and the tip of her nose before meeting her lips softly. They melted into each other, lips tracing love against one another and every inch of skin they could find, hands wandering as they moved together.

“I missed you Em,” Alyssa whispered into the crook of Emma’s neck before she pressed an exceptionally protective kiss to the spot, listening with a smug sense of self accomplishment as the blonde let out a badly muffled moan above her.

“I missed you too ‘Lys.”

Chapter Text

“DINNER”

“Oh god no. We’re so in for it.”

“We’re always in for it.”

“‘Lys we were so loud,” Emma was already flushed red at just the thought of her grandmother's knowing looks. In their defense, it had been a month.

Alyssa laughed quietly into where her face was buried in Emma’s neck, unable to help herself at how even a year and a half later they were still so embarrassed around Betsy despite her clear lack of caring. 

“We’ll be fine.”

“Bleh,” Emma groaned dramatically as Alyssa got up and started searching through her drawers to find clothes.

“You have clothes you know.”

“I like yours better.”

“Why?

“‘Cause they’re yours”

Emma softened at that.

“Stop being cute.”

“Never.”

Emma hopped up from where she was still on the bed and pulled clothes back on, laughing quietly when she watched her girlfriend disappear into the fabric of one of her hoodies. She approached the cheerleader and pulled the hood off her head, pushing hair out of the girl’s face. Alyssa swiped at her with the fabric that hung over her hands and the blonde grinned.

“ROUND TWO CAN WAIT UNTIL AFTER DINNER LADIES, HURRY THE FUCK UP”

Both of them turned so red that they had to wait a minute more to go out. As Alyssa passed Emma in the doorway, the brunette leaned in with a mischievous grin on her face.

“Who’s gonna tell her it’d be round three?”

Emma, who was already trying to lessen the blush from before, glared at her girlfriend as she walked away. 

“I hate you.”

“Tell that to my boobs.”

Emma grabbed Alyssa’s hands and spun her around, lowering herself to boob level.

“I hate the person who owns you.”

Alyssa laughed loudly and pulled Emma back up to kiss her quickly. She pulled back and looked at her girlfriend, unable to help herself when she said, “I literally love you so much.”

“Good. I love you too.”

“DINNER!”

“COMING!”

“I bet you were!”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Alyssa’s mouth literally watered at the sight of the food at the table. Betsy had made pretty much her favourite meal of all time and after a month of her mother’s bullshit healthy food she thought it looked like heaven. And she’d had sex twice in the last hour. 

They spent the dinner talking about each other's lives for the past month in turn. Alyssa and her excessive work, her time at home, how she’s handling everything. Emma and being bullied, her songwriting, and the adventures she’d been on since returning home. Betsy and getting the orchards ready as spring rolled around, how she was learning how to skateboard because she thought it would be funny, and how she and Emma were working to renovate the barn. 

They reacquainted themselves properly over dinner, and it felt normal. It felt right. The laughter and the jokes and the teasing looks felt real and true. It was home.

***

New Message: Shelbs Gonzelbs

Shelbs Gonzelbs: come to kaylees

Shelbs Gonzelbs: bring Nolan

Alyssa: No? We’re busy.

Shelbs Gonzelbs: please

Alyssa: This is the only time I get to see her for who knows how long

Alyssa: I am not leaving.

Shelbs Gonzelbs: your a party pooper Greene

Alyssa: I’m actually just dead set on spending time w my love

Shelbs Gonzelbs: ew.

Shelbs Gonzelbs: fine. See you tomorrow for dress shopping

Shelbs Gonzelbs: I guess I’ll fuck K then

Alyssa: you do that.

Alyssa: be safe

“Who are you texting?” Emma asked, resting her chin on Alyssa’s shoulder from behind to read the messages.

“Shelby, she wants us to come over.”

“Are we going?”

“Nope,” Alyssa smiled at the confused look she was sure Emma had on her face.

“Why not?’

“I have less than 12 hours left with you for who knows how long and I intend to use every second of it.”

“Then why are you still texting Shelby?”

Alyssa turned off her phone and shifted around to face her girlfriend.

“I’m not.”

Emma smiled, curling a finger under Alyssa’s chin and lifting it to press a soft kiss to her lips.

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

“You.”

“Oooo scandalous Ms Greene,” Emma chuckled, “I’m in.”

Alyssa raised her eyebrows teasingly in response, “Hate the sin, love the sinner?”

“Love both of them,” she paused for a second dramatically before putting on a pretty bad old-timey accent, “Kiss me my love, make the whole town blush.”

“Yes ma’am.”

***

“ JAMES MADISON TIGERS ARE IN THE LEAD! ”

The cheerleaders started dancing and Emma didn’t look away. Until she did, because Mrs. Greene had just sat down next to her. What the fuck.

“What are you doing here Emma Nolan?” the lady demanded, her voice like nails on a chalkboard to Emma’s ears.

“I’m watching the game Mrs. Greene.”

“Why? You hate this school and everything it stands for.”

“Maybe I’m here because I’m not allowed in church anymore,” Emma raised her eyebrows at the lady, “Maybe this is where I feel the closest to my community because no one else lets me anywhere else. At least here as long as I pay for my food and don’t get in anyone’s way I won’t be stared at or hurt. This is my spot, I’ve sat here every game for a year and a half, and I will sit here every game until I get to leave this stupid town.”

“I don’t want you here.”

“Well go find another place to sit. You don’t have to be here.”

Emma looked back out over the field to where her girlfriend was looking at her with pure horror written across her face.

‘It’s fine, everything is fine.’

‘Why is she there?’

‘Later. Don’t worry about it.’

“This is a public space Nolan I will sit where I want.”

“So will I.”

“You’re not really a part of the public though are you? You’re an outcast sinner with nowhere else to hide.”

“I’m not trying to hide Mrs. Greene. That’s kind of the issue.”

“Your parents were right to do what they did.”

Emma looked up at that, surprise written across her face. 

“What?”

“They were right.”

“You love Alyssa right?” Emma asked and Mrs Greene looked taken aback.

“Of course, she’s my daughter. She’s perfect.”

“What would you do if she wasn’t perfect?”

“Fix her.”

Emma’s heart sank so fast she almost couldn’t breathe. Fix her . She thought about Alyssa, how hard she worked, how much she did to please this horrible woman, how much she sacrificed just to be seen as good, as perfect . She imagined Alyssa’s face if she ever came out and her mom told her she was broken, that she needed to be fixed. 

“Well I hope Little Miss Perfect never falters while you’re around Mrs. Greene. Perfect is not sustainable ma’am, one day I hope you see that. Hopefully before your precious princess loses her ability to keep the crown on her head.”

Emma’s tone was distasteful, like she had something against the other girl, but her body language was one notch away from protective. Mrs. Greene didn’t notice, she was busy being furious at the audacity of the young homosexual deviant talking back at her. About her daughter. Like she knew anything.

“Alyssa is strong. She can handle anything.”

“I sure hope so. ‘Wouldn’t want her ending up anything like me.”

“She could never. She’s a good kid with a good soul and a clean holy heart, she’s perfect. You’re a mistake, a disgrace, and a sinner with no care in the world for how your actions affect others. My daughter is a thousand times the person you’ll ever be.”

“You’re not wrong there,” Emma muttered under her breath. Veronica didn’t seem to notice.

Emma looked back over at the cheer team and paused. Alyssa was no longer amongst her team, her stand-in in her place.The blonde stood quickly, hopping over the rails of the bleachers despite the height at which she sat and gave Mrs Greene a final look of distaste.

“Lovely to see you as always Mrs. Greene, please, don’t be a stranger.”

She smiled sickly sweet and let go of the railing, a smug look on her face as she watched the pure horror cross Mrs Greene’s when she let go. Emma slid down the pole with practiced ease, her feet carrying her quickly as soon as they found traction on the gravel below. 

It was a five minute walk to get from the bleachers to the band closet. Emma did it in one and a half. 

“‘Lys?” she knocked on the door. There was a shuffling and then it opened to a very panicked looking Alyssa Greene.

“Hey, hey. You’re okay, everything’s okay,” Emma pulled the crying girl into her arms, walking them back into the closet and closing the door behind them just in case. She pressed her lips against the top of Alyssa’s head, leaving tiny soft kisses there until she was willing to back up to look at her.

“I’m sorry,” the shorter girl sniffled and Emma shook her head.

“What happened?”

“I looked over and my mom was sitting next to you and it seemed like you were telling me it was fine,” Emma nodded her head in confirmation that yes, that’s exactly what I was saying , “and then I looked back again and you looked so hurt and scared and I don’t know what she said to you but I know it wasn’t good and I’m so sorry she’s like that.”

“Hey, you don’t need to be sorry for your mom. You are not in control of what she says or does, and really she wasn’t too bad today.”

“I saw the look on your face Emma Nolan, I know you’re lying to me. What did she say?”

Emma cupped her girlfriend’s face and wiped away the tears that were still falling.

“She said some things about my parents, about me, and about you. Not together. She said my parents were right doing what they did,” Alyssa moved to interrupt but Emma hushed her quickly, “and she said I am not a welcome part of this town. That’s all. All things considered, it was better than usual. Not a single slur!”

Alyssa looked up, tears slowing slightly. 

“I’m so sorry Em,” the blonde shrugged in response.

“Alyssa Greene, I love you. And your mother’s assholery won’t stop that. Not today, not tomorrow, and not anytime in the near future.”

“Swear?”

“Swear.”

Emma held out her pinky and Alyssa let out a watery chuckle as she rolled her eyes, linking their pinkies in front of them. The blonde kissed Alyssa’s little finger and cheered internally when the other girl couldn’t help but smile a little.

Alyssa moved forward again and tucked herself into her girlfriend’s arms. Emma picked her up, her legs wrapping around the blonde’s waist instantly, and backed them up to the back wall, sliding them down until they were sitting on the ground with Alyssa in Emma’s lap.

Alyssa stayed there for a moment, soaking in the comfort of being held by her girlfriend, the smell of cinnamon and vanilla surrounding her like a safety blanket as she sat there. After a few minutes she pulled back and kissed Emma soundly, the two of them melting into each other instantly. 

“I need to get back. My mom will kill me if I miss halftime.”

“Your mom is going to kill you anyways. Stay with me? Please?”

“Em…”

“‘Lys, you know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you’d be okay. You were literally just having a panic attack, you’re in no shape to be performing in front of the whole town.”

“My mom-”

“Will live. So will you. You’re going to be okay. But right now, I think you should stay. Only if you want to, there’s no pressure, but if you’re comfortable with it then I’m asking you to stay.”

Alyssa thought about it, standing up anyway and pulling her girlfriend with her.

“I want to, I just don’t want to have to explain where I disappeared to when this is all over.”

Incoming Call: Veronica Greene (mom)

“Fuck.”

“Answer it.”

“Okay you need to be so quiet right now.”

“Absolutely.” 

Emma walked to lean against the wall again, pulling out her own phone and scrolling through digital art photos on instagram. 

“Hi mom.”

“ Alyssa Greene, ” her mother said her name like it was poison, “ where did you go? ”

“I felt like I was going to throw up so I got Jess to sub for the rest of the game.”

“ You should have just stuck it out, you would’ve been fine. ”

“Um, yeah I guess. I’m sorry.”

“ You better be. You’ve need to keep your head up Alyssa, especially with everything coming up. This is not a very good example of you doing that. ”

“Sorry mom.”

“ I need to go and explain to the PTA ladies what happened. I’ll see you at home. ”

“Okay. Bye.”

Emma made a face over her phone and Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh, smiling wider when her girlfriend grabbed her hand and pushed off the wall to stand in front of her.

“Have I told you how unfairly hot you look in that uniform yet?”

Alyssa laughed loudly at that, the weight of the evening lessening slightly.

“Not today, but I know.”

“Oh, so modest Ms Greene.”

“Well, when you know you know.”

The two of them fell into a fit of giggles at that, and soon they were gravitating back to each other. Alyssa backed them up so Emma was against the back wall once again, pinning her hands above her head. Emma breathed in so abruptly at that that she was surprised she didn’t choke and die on the spot.

“Can I kiss you?” Alyssa asked and Emma grinned mischievously.

“Sorry I’m straight.”

“Mmmm, I somehow don’t believe you.”

“Is it the hair? The clothes? The pin? Oh my God is it my complete inability to function around pretty girls? Wait, no, all straight girls do that. Obviously. OH! Is it my girlfriend?”

“Yes to all of the above,” Alyssa whispered, leaning in to hover over her girlfriend’s lips, “but what really gave it away was the way your entire body is leaning into my touch right now.”

Emma slammed her body back against the wall quickly, a smug smile on her face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. My body would never react to having a really sexy cheerleader pinning me to the wall. That would be ridiculous.”

Alyssa rolled her eyes playfully and finally kissed her girlfriend firmly. Emma couldn’t help the tiny noise that escaped when she finally got to feel her girlfriend’s lips against her own, nor the way her entire body yearned to touch the other girl. Her hands wiggled in their spot against the wall but strong arms kept them there. 

“You’re impossible,” Emma breathed and the brunette looked at her with faux-pitty.

“Oh yeah? Why?”

“Because you look like that and you won’t even let me touch you.”

“Maybe I like it that way.”

“Maybe I don’t.”

“Ooo a challenge. Maybe I can find a way to convince you.”

“Or,” Emma pushed off the wall suddenly and spun them around with the momentum, effectively impressing Alyssa with the smoothness despite the sound of disapproval that left her lips, “We could just do this instead.”

“You’re so cocky for someone who is undoubtedly the bottom of this relationship like, 85% of the time.”

“And you’re going so easy on me for someone who is undoubtedly a control freak top equally.”

“Maybe I want to see what you do.”

“Well,” the blonde placed hot kisses down Alyssa’s neck, somehow still comprehending that marking her would be an absolutely terrible idea through the fog that was now taking over her brain, “I can tell you if you want?”

“How about you just show me?”

“Wonderful idea babe, I knew I loved you for a reason.”

“Shut up and kiss me Nolan.”

“As you wish.”

***

“Hey ‘Lys?” Emma called out as her girlfriend fixed her hair and skirt, “you’re really pretty.”

The burnette blushed as her heart did a little flip in her chest.

They had just fucked in a school closet during a time when the school grounds were most busy and she was blushing because Emma called her pretty. She was whipped, no questions asked. She didn’t really care.

“You should see my girlfriend,” Alyssa responded lightly, a teasing glint in her eyes as she glanced at the blonde re-cuffing her flannel, “she’s absolutely stunning.” 

Emma blushed at that too, and she wondered what she had done right to earn the love of Alyssa Greene.

She wandered the whole two steps to her girlfriend and pulled her in for a quick chaste kiss, smiling when Alyssa chased her lips as she pulled away.

“See you tomorrow?”

“I have pageant stuff.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have a choice.”

“I know. Tuesday then?”

“Tuesday.” Alyssa agreed, sighing a little. Being in a secret relationship sucked sometimes. “Feels like a long time away.”

“Text or call whenever you want, I’ll do what I can to respond.”

“Okay. Movie night next week?”

“Of course. Gran is very excited.”

“Me too.”

“Okay we really need to go. Ready?”

“Ready.”

“I love you”

“I love you too.”

They exited the closet and turned down opposite directions of the hallway, hands falling from being linked as they went, pinkies hooked together until the last second. They both turned to look back at the same time and Alyssa blew the blonde a kiss, laughing as she pretended to catch it and sent one back in return.

Chapter Text

The Pageant was a weekend-long hellscape born from the fiery depths of Satan's asshole, according to Alyssa Greene. 

It was a weekend dedicated to bitchy passive-aggressive moms dressing up their daughters of all ages and parading them around like prizes to be won. Alyssa, Kaylee, Shelby and about ¾ of the rest of the girls in their grade had been doing it since they were able to walk. Emma had even had to do it, but after she was kicked out there was no desire nor force to make her participate in Edgewaters least feministic event of the year. 

Alyssa hated every second of it. Yes, she could be considered a girly-girl, especially when stood next to her girlfriend, but the excessiveness of The Pageant made her hate everything that being a woman meant. She was pretty sure it was meant to make her feel pretty, wanted, loved, and adored. She had someone for that. The Pageant made her feel suffocated, fake, and broken.

“I hate this.”

“ I know my love but it’s just one more day. ”

“One more day too many, I can barely breathe in this thing.”

“ Do you need a break ‘Lys? ”

Alyssa sighed, weighted and near painful in the dress. 

“yes,” she admitted quietly.

“ Okay. If you go to the lobby there’s a door behind the stairs. Take it, it’ll lead you to a little outside area. Most people have no idea it’s there so you should have it to yourself. ”

“Thanks.”

“ ‘Course babe. You’ve got this. I believe in you. ”

“Your mistake.”

Laughter came through the phone and Alyssa couldn't help but feel safer at the sound. As long as Emma was there she would always feel safe. She made her way down the staircase of the old mansion and into the small hidden courtyard. She wasn’t overly surprised to see a figure there already, sitting on a small bench with their back against a tree.

“Hey stranger,” Alyssa called as she made sure the door was shut properly behind her.

“Oh hi, what a coincidence we’re here at the same time.”

“Was this your plan all along? Let me run myself into the ground then lure me into your trap?”

“Yes,” the blonde nodded faux-seriously, “but you missed a part of it.”

“Oh?”

Emma counted on her fingers, “One, let you run yourself into the ground. Two, lure you into my trap. Three… oh what was it again?” she paused for a moment, pretending to think, “Oh! Have my way with you in that dress.”

Alyssa scoffed, amusement gleaming in her eyes, “Is that so?”

“It is. You see my love,” Emma stood and walked over to Alyssa, making sure she saw the way her eyes raked up, down, and back up her body, “your asshole bffs sent me photos of you looking, and I can not stress this enough, absolutely stunning in your dress and I just couldn’t help myself.”

“I see, and now we’re both here?”

“At the very least I would like to request a kiss.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

“Well princess? To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“That much exposed boob will do that to a lesbian,” Emma grinned and Alyssa rolled her eyes playfully, moving so she was standing in front of the blonde.

“My eyes are up here Nolan,” she whispered, pushing up on her toes to fill Emma’s space. Hazel eyes snapped to her own and a pretty blush covered lightly freckled cheeks.

“I was just admiring your heart,” the blonde responded, her heart racing as she felt her girlfriend’s breath tickling her lips.

“ Lair ,” Alyssa closed the gap, melting into the feeling of soft lips on her own. Emma’s hands fell softly to her waist, pulling the shorter girl in so they were flush against each other. Alyssa deepened the kiss, enjoying the low noise that escaped her girlfriend’s throat as she did.

“I don’t have a lot of time, hair and makeup starts in 20.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Alyssa thought about it for a second. On one hand, it could make her Rice Purity Score go down and help her unwind from the tightly coiled suffocation she had been feeling all weekend. On the other… well who really cared about the other?

“Yes.”

***

“Did Emma come visit?”

Alyssa looked up at Shelby wearily. 

“Why?”

“There’s a hickey right… here,” Shelby poked at a spot on the dip of Alyssa’s hips, “that wasn’t there this morning.” 

Shelby and Kaylee burst into laughter, Alyssa turning bright red as they did.

“Yes, she came.”

“I bet she did.”

“KAYLEE-”

“What? You’re hot Greene. I don’t doubt she would.”

“...Thank you?”

“You’re welcome. Now be careful your mother doesn’t see that” 

“Why would she-”

“ALYSSA!”

“Lord help me,” Alyssa prayed quietly as she pulled her dress up so her legs were properly covered again.

***

“Hey beautiful-”

“Don’t hey beautiful me Emma Nolan you are in so much trouble right now.”

“...why?”

“Well it was brought to my attention, by someone who wasn’t my mirror, that you-”

“Left a little mark?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good, did Kaylee enjoy that?”

Alyssa narrowed her eyes. 

“Very much.”

“Cool, thanks for letting me know. She owes me sixty bucks now.”

“ What? ”

“I bet her that I could leave a hickey where she would see it but the public wouldn’t. She didn’t believe me, but I guess I won.”

Alyssa looked at her girlfriend in exasperated disbelief.

“She bet you sixty bucks ?!”

“No, she bet me twenty, but I also won the bet on if her and Shelby would hook up in the upstairs loft during your snack break so…”

“Why are you betting my best friends money on sex?”

“Because we think it’s funny.”

“Why didn’t she just refuse to fuck Shelby during snack break?”

“Because I offered Shelby half of the money to seduce her.”

“Oh my god,” Alyssa laughed quietly at the thought of it all. She lay across the couch with her head in Emma’s lap looking up to grin at the blonde.

“You’re way smarter than people give you credit for.”

“I know,” Emma grinned back, leaning down to press a kiss to Alyssa’s forehead, “I’m truly the biggest and best manipulative bitch Edgewater has ever seen.”

***

“Heather, Heather, Heather, and Veronica”

Group: Shelby Gonzalez, Kaylee Klein, Alyssa Greene, Emma Nolan

Kaylee: Shelby’s ceiling fan is the devil.

Alyssa: Elaborate

Shelby: She hit her head on it.

Alyssa: how?

Emma: wtf were you doing near the fan in the first place?

Kaylee: doesn't matter

Emma: I think it does

Emma: why was your head close to the fan?

Kaylee: ...I may have been doing a cheer routine on Shelby’s bed

Shelby: [Image]

Alyssa: Oh my god no I did not need to see that

Emma: NAKED?!

Kaylee: When my head stops hurting I’m going to kill you Gonzalez

Shelby: lol

Alyssa: you guys are insane

Emma: babe you should do that for me

Emma: but without the concussion

Alyssa: fuck no

Emma: boo

Kaylee: boo

Shelby: boo

Kaylee: anyway y’all should come over and we can have a party

Emma: how hard did you hit your head Klien?

Emma: I’m not allowed in any of your houses

Alyssa: also you can’t have drugs or alcohol with a concussion

Kaylee: I’m not concussed

Shelby: [Image]

Shelby: No drinky drink for KayKay

Kaylee: I literally hate you

Shelby: Okay boomer

Emma: y’all should fuck

Alyssa: you tell ‘em babe

Alyssa: I second that

Alyssa: but no naked cheer routines

Shelby: you guys are no help

Emma: when have we ever been

Shelby: Alyssa is usually helpful, you’re a moron

Emma: and I wear that crown with pride you tasteless bitch

***

Alyssa closed the door to her room as angrily as she dared, not wanting to make things worse but also not wanting to let it seem like everything was okay. She slid down her door as silent tears rolled down her face. 

Alyssa had learned how to handle her sensitivity to noise quite early on in her life, practicing and exposing herself to loud situations more and more as she grew older as to not let it interfere with her life, but the one loud noise she never managed to cope with well was her mother yelling.

Veronica, of course, didn’t seem to care. Her voice raising without issue despite the way Alyssa would flinch and curl into herself, often running from the scene to escape the noise. Mrs. Greene had always considered an argument Alyssa ran from one she had won, but Alyssa knew that if she wasn’t so fucking sensitive her mother would have had perfectly backed up arguments thrown back at her without question. She put Alyssa in the debate club and Alyssa knew exactly how to use the skills she learned there to her advantage.

But on nights like that, when the yelling got too loud and Mrs. Greene was nowhere near finished, Alyssa had to run instead. She would flee from the noise, hearing her mother’s loud anger follow her up the stairs until she could close the door. 

Alyssa pulled deep panicked breaths into her lungs, scrambling towards her window and flinging it open to allow the sharp cool air of the evening to fill them instead. It took about five minutes to get herself calmed down, and by then she was exhausted.

In times such as that, Alyssa took to her shoebox to calm her down. She slid her body under her bed and pulled the box out, leaning against her bed frame as she opened the lid. 

The world stopped.

Alyssa Greene was a very organized person. Even her box of memories was organized, in it’s own messy way. Every photo, book, note, flower, usb port, cd, cassette, drawing, ticket, and otherwise meaningful item in that box had a place, and Alyssa knew exactly where each of those places were. 

A photo was missing. Alyssa stared at the top of the small notebook in shock for three minutes straight, barely blinking as her mind raced in every possible direction. 

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh God Oh God Oh God. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

Her mother.

Her mother had found the photo. She had found the box. Why was she looking under Alyssa’s bed? Who knows. But she was sure she had found it. Everything was shifted slightly, as if the box had almost been dropped, and Alyssa could feel the electric panic burning impossibly hot and ice cold through her veins at the same time. 

It was the photo from their one year anniversary. Emma wasn’t in the photo, in fact even her hand was barely in it, but Alyssa had looked at that photo enough to know that she looked absolutely fucking whipped in the picture.

They had been at Graverfells, it had been a long day. Her and Emma had done a lot of adventuring, driving around in the blonde’s truck, maybe stopping in a secluded lake area to have… alone time..., before going to Graverfells to “frolic”. They’d run through the fields with their hands linked, laughter spilling from their lips as they went, stopping every once and a while to dance around or kiss each other when they couldn’t help themselves anymore. Alyssa had kept her camera on her the whole day, she ended up using two full rolls of film, both of which were kept close to her heart. The photo in question was her favourite, something about the way she looked so happy as Emma stole the camera from her, spinning her around to face her and taking the photo before she could object. It was pure. It reminded Alyssa that she was alive, that she was loved, that she could love . 

And it was missing.  

The panic turned to anger.

How dare her mother violate the little privacy she had remaining. How dare she take something that was clearly meaningful to her daughter.

It started clicking into place. How she had become so much busier after they got back from their trip. How that must have been when her mother had found the picture, deciding to take it as proof Alyssa was keeping secrets. How dating was one of Alyssa’s many rules: no dating until you’ve secured a good and stable life. Post secondary at least, maybe even post university. 

Her mom had known the whole time and she was trying to ruin it. 

Alyssa wondered momentarily how her mom could look at a picture like that and still think it wasn’t worth it. How could Alyssa love so deeply and freely when her mother practically destroyed everyone else around her to keep her own feelings under control.

Electricity crackled angrily under her skin as her blood began to boil.

How was it fair that Alyssa had to give up her life, her health, and her happiness to please her mother? 

How was it fair that she couldn’t find the strength to stop herself from letting the woman tear her to pieces?

Why? Why was she so fucking caring about someone who clearly only wanted to use her for selfish exploitation. 

She’s your mother. You love her.

Alyssa broke her own heart then. 

Despite everything, I still love her. Why can’t she love me? What did I ever do to deserve this?

“Dear God, uh, hi. I have a lot of questions, and a lot more anger, but I am here to ask you for one thing. I used to hope you would fix me, that you would help me be pure. I want to thank you for showing me that I am not broken nor a sinner for who I love. I am strong and true and I love, I love, the way I love. But I have to ask what I did to deserve this. What issue have I caused you to allow me to be hurt so much by the person who is supposed to love me unconditionally? I ask you now, that when the time comes and I tell my mother the truth, that you will grant me a moment of acceptance for her. That she will come around and learn to love me for me. Also I want my photo back. Asshole. Amen.”

Alyssa reached for her phone then, her fingers moving subconsciously across the screen.

“ Hello? ”

“...Em,” Alyssa’s voice was quiet and rough, her voice breaking as she whispered out the single word.

“ Alyssa, are you okay? ’

“Not really.”