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The night before Troy left for his trip, Abed found himself sitting in the corner of Troy’s bedroom, watching him pack his bags. His knees were pulled tight into his chest, making him feel small. He had been trying to ignore the lava at his feet all day. Now he chose to let it pool around him, feeling it burning him but leaving no mark.
The silence in the room was deafening.
“Are you really going to do it?” Abed asked.
“Yeah, I think so.” Troy said, walking over and sliding down the wall to sit next to Abed.
They both stared at the wall in front of them. Abed laid his hand flat on the ground between them. A silent offering. Troy took it, lacing his fingers with Abed’s.
“Is that okay with you?” Troy asked shakily, like he was scared of the answer.
“I want you to be happy, Troy. I’ll be okay with it eventually.”
They fell quiet again and Troy dropped his head to Abed’s shoulder. “I don’t want to leave you. I wish more than anything that you could come with me.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry that Pierce didn’t give you anything. You didn’t deserve that.” Troy mumbled, nuzzling against Abed’s shoulder. “I promise, when I get back that I’ll split everything with you. Fifty-fifty.”
“You don’t have to do that. Besides, you don’t even know that you’ll come back. It’s going to be dangerous.” Abed’s voice sounded so empty to himself. He hated it. He didn’t sound like himself at all.
Troy didn’t respond to that. Abed could feel him trembling, and he wondered if he was crying. Troy let go of Abed’s hand and shifted closer, wrapping his arms around Abed’s waist. “Abed, if you have something you want to tell me, I think you should say it right now.” His voice was muffled by Abed’s shirt, but he was certain now that Troy was crying.
“I can’t.” Abed said. “If I say it, then it's real. And you have to leave knowing that it's real.”
“I don’t care. Please say it.”
Abed rested his head against Troy’s, feeling his arms tighten around his waist.
“I love you,” He managed to force out, barely speaking above a whisper. His voice cracked.
Troy breathed in heavily, holding back a sob. “I-I love you too, Abed.”
“See… this doesn’t feel fair…” Abed said.
“It’s not. But you could kiss me if you wanted to. Would that help?”
“Not at all. I can’t know what I’m missing.”
Troy tilted his head up, pressing a soft kiss to Abed’s jawline. Abed sighed. “Troy, please… I can’t.”
“But I have to… I can’t leave you without it.”
“Then don’t leave.”
They were both quiet for a minute. They didn’t let go of each other, but Abed knew that what he had proposed was impossible. He had to let go of Troy, and would it really be so bad if he got to kiss him before he left? Even if it was only once?
Abed shifted and Troy lifted his head off of Abed’s shoulder. “I’m sorry..” Troy mumbled. “I didn’t mean to-”
Abed cut him off, pressing his lips to Troy’s as softly as possible, afraid of what might happen when they connected. Troy’s lips were soft and they moved against Abed’s like they had been kissing each other their entire lives. Troy’s arms moved from around Abed’s waist and his hands wandered up to rest on Abed’s face as he deepened the kiss. Abed could feel himself starting to panic, his face getting hot, the lava getting deeper and deeper, nearly covering their heads. The world around him felt like it was shrinking until it was only big enough for him and Troy.
When they pulled away from each other, they stayed close. Troy rested his forehead against Abed’s, looking him in the eye.
“Ask me to stay.” He whispered.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Abed, I am begging you. Ask me to stay. Please.”
Abed closed his eyes. Troy’s breath was hot and sweet against his face. He took a deep breath, mustering up some courage. “Please stay with me, Troy. Please. I need you so badly. We don’t need the money, we need each other. Don’t leave me. I can’t lose you.”
“Okay. I’ll stay.”
Abed’s eyes popped open. “Don’t mess with me, Troy. Friends don’t mess with each other.”
“I’m not messing with you.” A smile spread over Troy’s face. “I would love to have the money, but I really don’t want to leave you, and if you’re asking me to stay, I’ll do it.”
Abed stared at him, searching his face for any shred of evidence that he was telling the truth. As far as Abed could tell, he was.
“Are you sure? What about becoming your own man?”
“I still have a lot of growing to do, yes. But I’d really prefer to have you by my side while I’m doing it.”
“But what about the money? What about the shares? What about your future?”
Troy shrugged. “Jeff and I will figure it out”
Abed finally felt his lips curling up into a smile for the first time in a week. “You’re sure? Really sure?”
“Yes, Abed. All I really want is to be with you. You make me feel like the person I’m meant to be.” He leaned forward and kissed Abed again, gently this time. “C’mon, you should help me unpack my bags.”
Abed took Troy’s hand as they stood, and followed Troy to the bed. Abed looked at his feet and wiggled his toes comfortably against the carpet. There was absolutely no lava in sight.