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Beau’s brow furrowed as she tossed in her sleep, dreaming of fighting, or perhaps something more sinister. Yasha, her face reflecting Beau’s distress, made what she hoped were soothing noises as she laid a cool hand on Beau’s forehead. She knew she couldn’t rid Beau of her troubling dreams, but the sleeping woman still seemed to calm at the other’s touch, settling back into a slumber that seemed a little more peaceful.
It had been a rough few days, which in their line of work was really saying something. The Mighty Nein had finally reached Aeor and Essek, their safe harbour in a storm. They must have made quite a sight turning up at the doorstep half-frozen, some of them half-dead. How Beau had made it through the night of travel after Lucien’s attack no one could say, but the moment they reached safety, the trauma of the day caught up to her. As the group greeted Essek, the small, injured monk had swayed where she stood before sliding down the wall she had been leaning against for support. Yasha had cursed herself for not catching her, before gently scooping Beau up and carrying her to nearby room and tucking her into bed.
As she slept on, Beau’s breathing slowed again, and when Yasha carefully held her hand she could feel her pulse steadying somewhat, though it was still a little fast. The red eye seemed to watch Yasha as she sat at the bedside. It seemed to intrude, and to judge her even. Perhaps it was Yasha’s fault that it had marked Beau, that she was lying here after multiple brushes with death in a single day. Yes, she had gotten Beau away from Lucien, but not before he could make her eyes stream blood, causing her to scream in a way that Yasha was sure would haunt her for some time. She brushed a thumb over the eye, feeling the slightly cool texture that was not quite Beau’s skin. She turned the eye away from her, pressing Beau’s palm to hers, feeling its familiar warmth. Alive. Very much alive, despite several efforts to the contrary.
Beau had been asleep for a couple of hours now, and the rest of the Nein had retired too, after checking in on the pair. Jester had sat with Beau for a short while, while Yasha cleaned herself up after battle, changing into fresh clothes. Yasha had removed Beau’s coat and shoes so that she could sleep, but her hair and face were still streaked with dried blood, bruises stark against her paler than usual skin. She looked so small, and so hurt, swathed in the clean bright sheets of the large bed. Yasha had seen her injured before, but never quite this vulnerable. Beau was such a strong and confident person normally, outwardly anyway. She looked younger almost now, and Yasha could almost picture the defiant kid she’d been before the world had hardened her.
It had been a long day, and Yasha’s eyelids grew heavy as she kept watch at Beau’s bedside. She briefly considered retiring for the night, or even taking a nap, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Beau waking up alone in a strange place after such an ordeal. She brushed a stray lock of hair off of Beau’s face, the back of her hand lingering on her cheek, just for a second. Yasha and Beau had spent so much time together, but she’d never observed Beau undisturbed before, not up close, not like this. She could count each of Beau’s eyelashes, admire the sharp line of her jaw as her head tilted away in sleep. Yasha sighed a tired sigh.
“I really hope we can go on our date” she mumbled quietly to herself. “You promised you wouldn’t die, and technically you kept that promise but wow…you sure know how to keep a girl on her toes”. Yasha smiled slightly, thinking about how absurd their lives were, that they had to fight dragons and cults just so they could do something as simple as go on a date. “It’s fitting really, the closest we’ve been before now has probably been while fighting each other. And when I’m not stabbing you I’m throwing swords at you!” Yasha let out a laugh that was mostly a choked sob. Beau shifted in her sleep at the noise, turning onto her side, the hand Yasha had held shifting out of her grip. Yasha pressed her now empty hand to her mouth, regaining her composure as a single tear fell from her cheek to the bed.
“You were so right, you know, before in the forest? We don’t know that we have time” Yasha whispered, sniffing a little. “I don’t think my heart can take any more close calls, or missed opportunities. It happened before with Zuala, and it’s not going to happen again. I promise I’m going to make that really clear to you when you wake up. I’ll be brave, like you.”
She leaned on the bed, resting her forehead on her hands, almost as if she were praying, or making a wish. She took deep, shaky breaths trying to calm herself as she revisited the memory of Beau today, being carried off by a dragon and then being held captive by Lucien. The blood pounded in her ears, and her broad shoulders shuddered for a moment before stilling. A shifting in the sheets caused Yasha’s head to snap back up, only for her multicoloured eyes to meet Beau’s tired blue ones.
“Hey Yasha” Beau croaked with a small, crooked smile.
“You’re awake!” Yasha sniffed, wiping her watering eyes quickly. “How are you feeling? Are you alright?” Internally, Yasha cursed herself, trying to figure out when Beau might have woken, and how much of Yasha’s yearning monologue she might have heard.
“I feel pretty terrible but there are worse ways to wake up,” Beau’s face was gaunt and bruised, and her voice was little more than a whisper, but the glint in her eye was unmistakable. She’d clearly heard everything.
Yasha’s face flushed. All their talk about doing things right and in the proper order, and here she was weeping at Beau’s sickbed, making all sorts of professions and promises. Well, it had been a trying day and Beau seemed alright, Yasha was allowed the occasional emotion. Despite her mortification, Yasha was filled with relief that Beau was still herself, still cheeky and witty and wonderful.
“Yes well, I’m just glad you didn’t lose your sense of humour when you lost all that blood today,” she deadpanned, rolling her eyes affectionately at Beau.
“If I’d known this would be your reaction to me fainting from exhaustion I might have tried it sooner. Who knows, we might have even gone on a date already.”
“I can’t believe you heard everything I just said and you’re conclusion is that you should put yourself in harm’s way more frequently” Yasha’s face flushed a little again, though for a different reason. She wasn’t angry at Beau (how could she be?), she was angry at herself for not protecting Beau, for just watching as the body of their dead friend tortured Beau before her eyes. Yasha twisted her hands in her lap, her hair falling across her face, a curtain between the two of them.
Beau sat up quickly in bed, before wincing at the sudden movement. “No! No- Yasha that’s not what I meant, not at all.” She reached her hand up, hesitating before gently drawing Yasha’s hair back to tuck it behind her ear, so that Beau could see her downcast face. “I’m sorry, you know words aren’t my thing, it’s a work in progress-I’m a work in progress”
Yasha smiled down at her lap at this, before lifting her face back up, her eyes crinkling as they met Beau’s. “Words are not really my thing either. I’m just glad you’re still here after such an awful day.”
“Awful day?” Beau’s cheeky grin was back. “The girl I’m crazy about said I looked hot clinging to the back of a dragon, she saves me from the clutches of a dangerous man and then I wake up to her weeping over my lifeless form. This is easily one of the top five best days of my life!”
“I’m not sure “weeping over your lifeless form is how I’d describe it,” Yasha was getting a little flustered again. “But if you’re going to tease me about it I can leave you to get some much needed rest.”
Beau’s face fell, and Yasha could once again see the vulnerability behind the bluster.
“Please don’t,” Beau said softly. “I have…well, strange feelings about sleep right now.”
Yasha softened at this. “You tossed a little the last couple of hours, did you dream about the eye again?” Yasha’s brow furrowed a little. Her relief that Beau was conscious was somewhat tempered by the underlying concern surrounding the new and unwelcome tattoo.
“No I didn’t actually,” Beau realised as she said it. “I’ll have to ask Caleb in the morning whether he had any more dreams. But that’s not exactly what I meant.” She hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I.. I just feel safer when you’re around.” Her voice had grown very small, her gaze focused on her clasped hands in her lap. She turned her palms up so that the red eye was hidden.
Yasha’s heart seemed to swell, Beau’s voice echoing through her mind. She feels safe with me. She trusts me to protect her, to care for her. Her pale cheeks tinged pink as she watched Beau fidget. She knew it was difficult for Beau to let herself be so vulnerable at the best of times, not least when she was at her physical weakest, but this was the first time she’d really seen that hesitation up close. Beau’s hand went fidget with her shirt collar, before wincing as she brushed her bruised neck. The marks Lucien’s hand had left were starting to blossom into dark bruising. They probably explained Beau’s subdued voice also.
Yasha reached a hand towards Beau. “Can I?” she asked gently, gesturing towards Beau’s injuries.
Beau nodded, still not meeting Yasha’s eyes as she carefully scooted closer to the side of the bed so Yasha could reach. Yasha tenderly inspected Beau’s bruised neck, before laying her fingertips lightly at the hollow of Beau’s throat and closing her eyes. Beau felt the familiar warmth of Yasha’s healing touch spreading out from the point of contact, like a soft glow emanating from her hands. Magical healing always felt good, but from Yasha, after such a gruelling day, it felt nothing short of wonderful. It made Beau feel cared for. It wasn’t an entirely unfamiliar feeling, but the intensity and proximity to Yasha was new, and more intimate than anything Beau had experienced before.
“Thanks, Yash,” Beau breathed, reaching up to rub her eyes that were suddenly prickling. Her hand came away bloody. “Oh my gods, I’m still covered in blood aren’t I? Like rivers of blood right?”
“You are. It makes you look very tough and scary, don’t worry.” Yasha chuckled. “You pretty much passed out the moment we arrived, I thought sleep was the more urgent need and that a bath could wait until morning.”
Beau looked down at her now stained hands. “You weren’t wrong, but I wouldn’t mind getting even just the dragon blood off me. I’m used to my own, but a girl has her standards.”
“I have to say, a wash and clean clothes does help” Yasha gestured to the clean linen pants and shirt she’d donned. “The bathroom is just there, I can wait here in case you need help.”
“Are you sure this isn’t an elaborate ruse to see me naked Yasha?” Beau waggled her eyebrows suggestively, slowly easing herself up off of the mattress.
“Hey you’re the one who’s insisting we do things the right way, going on a date and everything,” Yasha retorted. “Besides, we’ve seen each other nude before. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the bathhouse all those months ago.”
She held out her hands to steady Beau as she gingerly stood up from the bed. She swayed a little on the spot for a moment, clinging tight to Yasha’s outstretched hands for balance.
“Take it easy, there’s no rush,” Yasha slowly led Beau to the bedroom’s small washroom, sitting her on a small stool by the bath. “I’ll be right outside ok?” She wanted to stay, to help Beau and make sure she was alright, but she didn’t want to intrude, or risk making Beau uncomfortable.
Beau nodded, weakly smiling her thanks.
Yasha closed the washroom door behind her, moving towards the bed. She stripped the sheets, bloodied from where Beau had lain, before replacing them with clean linen she found in a cupboard. She fed the fire so that it would soon be roaring and found some bandages, setting them aside for Beau’s injuries. Yasha was just about to start cleaning her swords when a cry from the washroom had her dashing to the door.
“Beau? Beau are you alright?” No answer. “Beau? I’m coming in now ok?”. Yasha’s heart was in her throat, as she imagined the worst: Beau passed out on the floor, Beau with blood pooling around her, Beau with another eye tattoo. She turned the knob, opening the door carefully in case Beau might be in its path.
“S’ok, ‘m fine Yash,” Beau’s voice was weak. She was slumped on the tiled floor against the wall by the bath, one arm halfway out of her top, sweat beading on her forehead. “I just moved too quickly, that’s all.”
Yasha’s heart broke a little at this poor woman crumpled on the floor, hurting herself to avoid asking for help, to avoid showing just how injured and vulnerable she was at this moment.
“Hey, can I ask you a favour Beau?” Yasha sank down to sit by side with Beau on the floor.
“Anything,” Beau’s voice was quiet but firm.
“Can you please let me take care of you?” Yasha met Beau’s eyes, taking her hand in both of Yasha’s and squeezing gently.
Beau looked away, clearly embarrassed at her weak state.
“Ok,” she relented, “but this doesn’t count as our first date ok? Because I had something special planned and this really isn’t what I had in mind.”
Yasha laughed softly. “You must have really hit your head hard if you think I’m going to miss out on this mysterious and long-awaited first date,” she teased gently. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up so you can get some more sleep and give those bruises some time to heal.”
Beau squeezed Yasha’s hand back. Her grip was weak for such a strong fighter, but Yasha’s stomach flipped all the same. She rose up to fetch a washcloth and a basin of warm water, before kneeling before Beau.
“I’m going to start with the blood on your face, because I don’t think I can stand another second reliving what Lucien did to you,” Yasha wet the cloth before wringing it out.
“Yeah, yeah, you just want to see my pretty face.” Beau quipped, clearly warming to the idea of Yasha’s assistance.
“You’re hilarious Beauregard. Just let me know if I’m hurting you ok?” Yasha smiled as she carefully held Beau’s chin with one hand started gently dabbing at the dried blood on Beauregard’s cheeks with the other. “And your face is always pretty, even covered in dragon slime.”
Beau smiled, leaning her head back against the wall, closing her eyes as Yasha worked. She wasn’t used to someone taking care of her, not like this. She supposed her mother must have cared for her when she was small, but she didn’t remember any sort of physical affection. In the Cobalt Soul you were expected to take care of yourself of course, to be independent. Beau was good at that, at being unattached, like an island. If you were unattached you couldn’t be hurt by others. It was the smart and logical way to be.
But Yasha was so gentle. She didn’t scrub at Beau’s face, or roughly move her limbs in a utilitarian, functional way. Yasha’s touch was soft and tender. She was careful not to jostle Beau’s injuries and handled her as if she was delicate. Yasha’s touch made Beau feel as if she were something precious, to be handled with care and treated with devotion.
Beau’s eyes watered a little as she opened them to watch Yasha rinse out the cloth in a basin of water that was turning pinker by the minute.
“Could you turn around so I can undo your hair? If that’s ok?” Yasha requested as she crossed her legs, gesturing for Beau to rotate. Beau turned and sat similarly, feeling Yasha’s breath on her neck as gentle fingers began to untangle her braid. Yasha combed gently through Beau’s hair with her fingers, removing crusted blood and easing out the tangles. Her fingers brushed softly over Beau’s undercut, making Beau shiver a little as they lingered a little.
“Sorry,” mumbled Yasha, clearly embarrassed. “It softer than I thought.”
“ S’ok,” replied Beau, “it’s nice.”
Both were glad the other couldn’t see her face as each of them flushed pink.
“Ok, I think you’re ready for a bath.” Yasha proclaimed, patting down Beau’s loose hair. “I can help you undress and into the bath, and sit here with you just in case you feel woozy again.”
Beau nodded without speaking, and Yasha carefully averted her eyes as she helped Beau ease out of her clothes, leaving her in her underthings. Beau was still unsteady on her feet as she stood up from the floor, and she fell against Yasha, who caught her easily.
“Hey, you’re ok, I’ve got you,” Yasha carefully held Beau’s waist with one hand, scooping her legs up with the other. Beau smiled weakly, pressing her face into Yasha’s shoulder, breathing in her familiar scent. Yasha carefully lowered Beau into the warm bath she’d prepared, a look of relief coming over Beau’s face as the water eased her sore muscles. Yasha turned with and sat with her back against the bath as Beau removed her breastband and underwear and gratefully submerged into the steaming water.
“Who’s a prude now, huh?” Beau teased, turning her head towards Yasha’s back. “I thought you were unbothered by such things.”
“Not a prude, just trying to be respectful Beau,” Yasha sounded tired, though Beau couldn’t see her face.
Beau carefully washed herself, cleaning off the remaining blood and examining each new bruise and scar as if studying a collection.
“Man, a dragon and a cult in one day,” she murmured, poking at a bruise on her ribs. “That must be some sort of record.” She’d hoped to elicit a chuckle from Yasha, but she remained silent, her head bowed a little.
Finally clean, and feeling a little more herself, Beau turned in the bath, propping herself with her elbows on the side so that her chin rested on Yasha’s shoulder.
Yasha turned her head to look at Beau, the corners of her lips turned up into a slight smile. “Yes, it has been quite a day,” she finally responded softly. “Are you ready for some more sleep? Or something to eat maybe?”
Yasha held out her hands for Beau to steady herself as she stepped out of the bath, before unfolding a large clean towel. Beaut stepped into her waiting arms and Yasha wrapped the towel tightly around the smaller woman. Beau leaned into her, revelling in the comfort and the closeness. They stood like this for a moment, Yasha’s armed enclosed around Beau in the towel. They grinned at each other a little bashfully as they parted, both beginning to feel a little better.
Yasha helped Beau into some clean clothes that had been provided, carefully avoiding her wounds and sprains. They sat at the small table by the now roaring fire, where some cheese and bread had been provided.
“You’re starting to look a little more like yourself,” Yasha remarked, as Beau consumed her third slice of bread. Beau did feel a little better, but then she always felt a little more like herself around Yasha. Beau grinned at her plate at the thought.
“Care to share what’s so funny?” Yasha probed.
“No, nothing, I just…I like spending time with you like this,” Beau confessed, feeling a little sheepish.
“Well, you don’t have to almost die for us to spend time together, for me to take care of you,” Yasha voice was firm. Though this wasn’t exactly breaking news, Beau’s heart warmed at the earnest tone of Yasha’s voice.
“Damn, if I’d known that I would maybe have played it a little more safe today,” Beau joked weakly, as Yasha tossed a piece of bread at her to show what she thought of that.
“Ok, ok, I get it, no more using myself as a meat shield, or human sacrifice” Beau relented. Her eyes were growing heavy again now that her hunger was sated. She leaned her head on her hand, her elbow propped up on the table, letting her eyes shut just for a moment.
“Time for sleep I think Beau,” Yasha said softly, watching Beau’s eyelids droop. She stood, offering her hand to help Beau up before leading her to the bed, sheets now free of blood.
Beau was barely awake as she sat down on the bed, lying back on the pillow. Yasha leaned over to dim the lamp by the bedside, prompting Beau to sit up suddenly.
“Wait! Yasha, are you leaving?” Beau asked, a little panicked, her hand gripping Yasha’s suddenly at the thought.
“Ssh, ssh, I’m not, don’t worry. I’ll be right here if you wake up, or have a dream,” Yasha gestured to the floor by the bed where she intended to sleep. Her hand was gentle on Beau’s shoulder as she eased her back onto the pillow.
Yasha could just make out Beau’s eyes shining in the dim light, the fraught look on her face.
“I know, this isn’t our date, and I’m in no way trying to skip ahead or anything, I promise, but… would you sleep in the bed? With me?” Beau asked hesitantly, with none of her usual swagger.
Yasha squeezed Beau’s hand. “Of course,” she whispered.
Yasha leaned down from where she stood to kiss Beau lightly on the forehead. She lingered there for a moment, her breath soft against Beau’s skin. Beau was sure Yasha could hear her heart hammering in her chest, but she felt calm also, she felt safe. As Yasha started to stand up again, Beau shifted to sit up slightly in the bed, causing Yasha to hesitate for the length of a breath. Beau’s eyes met Yasha’s for just a moment, before tilting her head up to press her lips gently against Yasha’s. If Beau’s tired and bruised heart had been hammering before, it stopped completely now. It was a soft, shy kiss, not at all what either of them had pictured after months of tension and flirtation. It lasted only a moment, as Yasha pulled away to kiss Beau again on the forehead. Beau could feel Yasha’s lips smiling against her skin.
“We should both get some sleep, I have a feeling tomorrow could be another long day,” Yasha said softly. She turned the light out completely before crossing to the other side of the bed and folding herself under the covers. Beau laid on her left side to face Yasha, who mirrored her as she settled in for sleep.
As they both started to drift off, Beau’s hand reached out into the space between them, brushing Yasha’s shoulder.
“Hey Yash?” Beau whispered quietly.
“Mmmhmm?” in the dark, Yasha shifted and took Beau’s hand in her own, so they were clasped together in the space between them.
“Thank you for tonight,” whispered Beau. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Yasha smiled in the dark, pressing Beau’s hand to her lips to kiss her fingers.
A whispered response out of the darkness: “You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re here too.”