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It isn’t his fault. He knows this. Madame Yu is the one obsessed with image and it was supposed to be private. Lan Wangji never came to parties and was overwhelmed in his own way. Wei Wuxian could tell he was getting stressed from the noise and dragged him away to a closet so they could sit and talk instead. How was he supposed to know...their feelings were so obvious to everybody else. Wei Wuxian never once thought Lan Wangji could like him back because he was probably straight or had more standard from his upbringing than Wei Wuxian.
Them kissing so passionately in that small closet when somebody opened it, trying to find their friend, would have haunted him if he didn’t dream of it so often. Wei Wuxian doesn’t even remember who it was but they immediately yelled out, telling everybody to come look. Some came because they thought it was somebody passed out but others had seen them kissing and were teasing the two.
There were scornful looks but because of who the two were, so well liked in their social circles, there was no open ridicule.
But it spread fast.
And Wei Wuxian once again lost face for the Jiang family.
He didn’t think it would be as big of a deal as it was. It’s almost an open secret he’s bisexual but Jiang Fengman and Madame Yu acted like they never noticed like his siblings did. Jiang Fengman tried to smile and be supportive, giving him an assured hug. But that seemed to set Madame Yu off more.
“I’m not having this ruin our family. You already cause so much trouble for us, messing around like this is too far.” Madame Yu was ranting.
Wei Wuxian is used to it and lets her talk at him. Jiang Cheng is beside him and trying to find an opportunity to calm his mother down.
“Please, this is nothing to be ashamed of,” Jiang Fengman says. “He is just confused and exploring his options in life.”
“Bullshit. I’ve had it with you covering for him too. He isn’t your son and he never will be like Jiang Cheng.”
“Yu Ziyaun, watch your words!”
“Oh, now I’m supposed to watch my words when you won’t watch your actions?”
Back and forth the two fight. Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian sit at the table, watching them fight. Jiang Yanli had long since left after her marriage with Jin Zixuan. The two were stuck in their push and pull from either parent on their own.
“I’ll go,” Wei Wuxian finally says, cutting off Jiang Fengman’s next statement.
“What?” Jiang Cheng finally asks, dazed and confused and hurt.
Wei Wuxian smiles at him but there’s a painful tightness in his face he can’t quite hide. “I’ll go. I don’t want to cause any more problems. You have kept me for long enough and repaid any debt to my parents, Uncle Jiang. I can go on my own now.”
He doesn’t wait for anybody to persuade him. He gets up from the table, packs a bag, and goes.
He drops out of the college he was in, he gets on a plane to Boston, and he makes his new life on his own.
The departure is so abrupt that Lan Wangji barely finds out from Wei Wuxian before he leaves. Only getting a short phone call before he steps onto boarding.
“Wei Ying?” He asks, sounding worried.
“Hey, Lan Zhan...I have to go. Madame Yu got really mad and they kept fighting so I’m...I’m going to Boston.”
“Let me help.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m about to board soon. There’s nothing you can do. I...I wanted to say I’m sorry before I leave because I know some...I know a lot happened between us the last couple days. I wish I could...Nevermind. I’ll be out of everybody’s hair soon so don’t worry about me. You’re going to be a great teacher, Lan Zhan.”
He’s crying and Lan Wangji knows it. He isn’t sure he could stop his own tears right now. He says again, in a smaller voice than he remembers using ever, “Let me help you.”
“There’s nothing for you to do. If I stay I’ll hurt your chances at jobs and I’ll...I’ll hold you back. It’s better this way. I’ll go my own way and nobody will have to worry about me and-and who knows, maybe I’ll be able to come home. One day.”
“I can come with you. There are many good universities and schools in America.”
“No, please. Let me....Let me go. I’ll take this on my own, it’ll be fine. I’ll...Maybe I’ll talk to you soon. Madame Yu plans on cutting me off entirely once I get a job and can pay rent on my own and stuff so I don’t know. I have to go.”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, louder this time. “We can do this. I can help. You can stay with me and we will-”
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian interrupts. “It’s okay. But I am going to miss being called Wei Ying by you. Nobody knows that was the name my parents gave me since legally I'm Wei Wuxian. It’s okay though. I-I’ll be fine. I promise. I lo-I’ll miss you.”
And he hangs up, just like that. Lan Wangji tries calling back endlessly until his phone dies against his ear but Wei Wuxian never answers.
Lan Huan doesn’t know much of the details aside from what he's told by Jin Guangyao. But he doesn’t ask as he sees Lan Wangji curmpled on the floor of the living room, shaking and barely holding tears back.
He knows that Wei Wuxian and he had kissed at the party Lan Wangji was invited to the night before. Now, seeing the state his brother was in, he isn’t sure if it’s a blessing or a curse this happened. All he can think to do is to crouch in front of his brother and help him stand from the awkward kneel on the ground.
“I will make you some tea.” Lan Haun says. There’s no answer but that’s okay.
Lan Wangji is listless against the chair in the living room and Lan Haun can’t stop his heart hurting as he watches this. He places the tea in front of Lan Wangji and sits beside him and waits. There isn’t a need for him to pry and he doesn’t wish to. He sits with his brother as he slowly stops shaking and gently picks the cup up.
After a small sip does he finally say, “Wei Ying was kicked out of his home by Yu Ziyaun.”
“What? Does he need a place to stay?” Lan Haun is fast to say.
“He has left for Boston already. He does not wish to cause any more trouble for the Jiang family.”
“Was this brought up from...what happened at the party?”
Lan Wangji looks over slightly before he nods. “Yu Ziyaun has never been the most tolerant towards Wei Ying. It is not hard to see how this might be too much. He...will not answer me anymore.”
“Do you know where in Boston? We can arrange you to visit-”
“He does not wish for me to see him anymore.”
Lan Haun closes his eyes, sucking in a breath through his nose to calm himself. There’s anger flaring at Wei Wuxian, at Yu Ziyaun, at Jiang Fengman for letting this entire thing happen, and to the people that forced this situation to become much more complicated. But he is sad. He knows how incredibly hard this will be. Lan Wangji has been in love with Wei Wuxian for five years. It’s going to be a long time before he moves on, if he even does to begin with.
He doesn’t say any of this though, gathering the now empty tea cups. “I will make you something to eat. Please try to rest some after such a turbulent change. Uncle will be home soon and I will explain you are not feeling well so you can rest in your room for the time being.”
Lan Wangji doesn’t say anything, just nods. But there’s a gratefulness in his eyes. Their uncle is strict about sleeping during the day if not sick. He loves his two nephews and brings in the structure they needed in lives but it can be overbearing. Lan Wangji had no energy to deal with the rules imposed in the household right now.
Only when he’s alone did he finally feel his eyes burn and his throat itch and his chest crushing in on him. He drops to his knees again and his shoulders wrack in silent sobs. He misses him. He knows he won’t come back. Not for a very long time. And the thought of that brings wave after wave of grief onto Lan Wangji that he feels he’s suffocating from.
He hears his uncle come home and the quiet conversation. There’s sternness from Lan Qiren but no malice or intent on disrupting Lan Wangji. He lets Lan Wangji stay in his room for a few days and comes to talk with him.
Lan Qiren does not like Wei Wuxian. He is disruptive and loud and the worst student to teach. But Lan Wangji loves him so he tries his best to correct Wei Wuxian in classes and push him towards a better path for his studies. It’s useless but he’s willing to try in his own way. It never works and he can’t help but become infuriated by Wei Wuxian everytime he teaches him.
He feels the familiar irritation and anger forming as he sees Lan Wangji so broken in his room, toying with his Guqin but not really playing it. His nephews were his pride. To see one of them so hurt without anything he can do makes his anger towards Wei Wuxian skyrocket. It raises in a way he might not be able to tamp down should he see Wei Wuxian again.
It’s a stuffy few weeks. Lan Qiren and Lan Haun give Lan Wangji space and he appreciates it. He doesn’t slack on any work he has to do and even doubles down on it. He uses it as a catharsis of sorts and Lan Qiren praises him for it in his own ways.
There are moments where he can’t quite put himself into his work and so will take a break and practice music more heavily. He picks up a job on tutoring his uncle’s students and greatly enjoys it and it lets him forget his pain temporarily. The kids are rowdy but simmer under his commanding gaze in the library and listen well. They always seem happy and fill his few hours with them with happy chatter to him that makes his heart squeeze in the familiarity of the scene. Wei Wuxian used to bug him in the library endlessly with bubbly chatter too and he can’t help but smile at the memory.
Wei Wuxian leaves a hole he can’t fill very easily though. He can distract himself for the day but at night he can’t help but lay awake. He goes to bed at nine every night but unlike before when he could easily fall asleep with his structure, he can’t anymore. He’s awake staring at the ceiling and can’t help but think about Wei Wuxian and if he’s okay, if he’s eating, if he’s able to have a roof over his head.
He feels the familiar burn in his eyes when these thoughts creep up on him but it never is more than just that. He doesn’t cry and blinks away any sign of tears. He left willingly so this was what Wei Wuxian wanted. He would respect it.
Lan Haun is a familiar presence during this time. He comes home from his own classes for law and will sit doing any work with Lan Wangji. They don’t speak much and that’s okay. They appreciate the other’s company and will tell the other about their day. Lan Haun talks a lot about somebody in his class, Meng Yao. Lan Wangji listens, making small sounds to show he is listening. There’s something to how his brother talks that he must realize is how he looks when talking about Wei Wuxian.
It is clunky but it becomes a new normal for the small family. Years pass and soon everybody has careers. Lan Haun is a successful lawyer and is running for smaller governors offices in their county. Their uncle has moved on from being a professor of law and long since held that position so the two running against the other is amusing in their house and it’s good natured in their competition. Lan Wangji is a teacher at high school first. He loves the kids and they respect him immensely and are excited to have him his first year.
He sometimes sees Jiang Cheng in his county from his brother as the two are both governors now of counties. He isn’t sure how to feel about Wei Wuxian’s brother but Jiang Cheng doesn’t even mention him once. Not even asking about the long dead rumour about the two kissing in a closet at a party.
He can almost feel himself coming to terms with himself. The emptiness he feels at night is easier to deal with. He can ignore it after work and grading so much. It’s okay for him to be upset but it isn’t all of him. He will always miss Wei Wuxian but the sky will always miss the sun when it sets. It’s a fact of life and that’s all.
The normalcy lasts 13 years.
It’s 13 years later, he has somebody showing up at his school with another teacher, Wen Qing, that has him stopping dead in his tracks.
He looks older, his hair is longer, and is put in a half ponytail with a long red ribbon. But the smile. It’s the same smile that makes him ache in the night, remembering how bright it is.
Wen Qing motions him over. He comes over naturally but he isn’t sure if this is a dream, one of the many that have Wei Wuxian showing up again and again. But no, it’s real and he’s right there in front of him and he looks almost the same as always.
“Mr. Lan, this man is saying that you know each other?” Wen Qing says.
“Don’t be so stuffy, Wen Qing.” Wei Wuxian says. He’s trying to joke but his eyes show he’s exhausted and barely holds back the stress and strain he’s under right now.
“Shut it. If Madame Yu finds out you’re seeing him right after coming back-” Wen Qing cuts herself off, sighing. She looks meaningly at him as she says, “Lan Wangji, I’ll cover your last class. You have a work period ready today so don’t worry.”
He isn’t sure what he’s agreeing to but he’s nodding anyways. Wei Wuxian is here and it makes him short circuit. He isn’t sure what to do other than lead the other outside, around the back of the school, and towards his car.
They don’t say anything until they’re at Lan Wangji’s car. Only when Lan Wangji is putting his things in the back. Wei Wuxian hovers by the driver’s side door and finally says, “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.”
His voice is so small and it isn’t like how he should ever sound. Lan Wangji feels his heart squeeze at the tone. He gives a small sigh through his nose as he straightens.
“We can talk on my way home.”
He doesn’t wait for an answer as he gently pushes past Wei Wuxian to get in and Wei Wuxian doesn’t object. He climbs into the passenger side and it’s silent again for a few minutes.
“You know,” Wei Wuxian says, trying to put a smile on his face and ignore the pain between the two. “When I found out that Wen Qing taught with you, I almost thought it was a joke.”
“Her reputation as a surgeon was unfairly soured from Wen Chao.” Lan Wangji says simply.
“Greasy loser has no right to do that to her. If I see him, I’ll-” Wei Wuxian cuts off, crossing his arms angrily. There’s no anger in his voice anymore when he says, “Wen Ning was telling me how much the students like you too.”
Lan Wangji feels his shoulders relax slightly as he nods. “They are all good students and listen well.”
“I always knew you’d make a good teacher. You’re good with kids. I remember that little guy I took care of for Wen Wing and Wen Ning always stuck like glue to you. I wonder what happened to him. I hope Wen Qing was able to find a good family for him considering how busy her and her brother were for so long. Both were in med school, ugh, can you imagine? That’d be a nightmare taking care of your younger cousin’s kid when you have so much for classes. I missed him the last while. He was such a cute kid too.”
“He has done well.” Lan Wangji says.
“That’s good. That’s good. Have…” Wei Wuxian pauses, picking at the sides of his nails. “Have you done well?”
“Yes. I have a job and Uncle and Brother are in good health.” Lan Wangji doesn’t much care about talking about himself though. “Have you found a home in Boston?”
Wei Wuxian closes his eyes as if the thought of living there hurts him deeply. “It was so awful. They are all so rude and I get the city is big and bustling but it is so small compared to China. They have no right to act like they’re so high and mighty! Ugh, the jobs I worked with the public were awful. So many treated me like shit. Probably because I was a Chinese mechanic in Boston but it was good money!”
“You are a mechanic?”
“Yeah, Uncle Jiang helped pay for the college course and for the license to get me started. I don’t know how much Madame Yu knew about it, in all honesty. She wanted to cut me off completely once I had a job but Uncle Jiang said that I was not going to be put through college in America with no help. Sucked though because my English was not good in the slightest when I got there.”
“Did you know anybody?”
“No, not really. There was a distant uncle of Madame Yu’s that greeted me and showed me where I was staying because he helped set this all up. I’m guessing that’s why she decided on Boston of all fucking places. He was nice and gave me some food staples to start me off then I never saw him again.”
Lan Wangji’s grip on the steering wheel felt a little too tight hearing this. He knew Madame Yu didn’t like Wei Wuxian but this was downright cruel. To punish somebody you helped raise in such a way…
Wei Wuxian’s smile softened just a little, noticing the anger from Lan Wangji. “It’s okay. I like working with my hands like that.”
“You said you wanted to go to school for engineering.”
“Yeah, but that was a while ago. It’s close enough I can live with staying a mechanic. I just...I knew I had to come home one day.”
“Do you have a place to stay?”
“I...Sister says that she’ll let me stay over but she’ll get in trouble. Madame Yu still kind of scares her because of how angry she can get. Also I hate her husband. Jiang Cheng would kill me first before I stay with him, Uncle Jiang is obviously out of the question. I’ll stay somewhere, most likely with Sister. I miss her cooking…”
“I can take you there.”
Wei Wuxian laughs and it pulls at Lan Wangji’s heart but he’s completely serious. He glances over and Wei Wuxian is looking at him. He looks so happy and fond. Lan Wangji focuses on the road again. He doesn’t get his hopes up with anything as 13 years is a long time.
“Would you really take me all the way to Linyi? I’ll get there on my own, don’t worry about me.”
“Not possible.”
“What?”
“You can stay with me.”
Wei Wuxian barks a laugh and shakes his head. “You’re funny, Lan Zhan. I know you hate how messy I am and I haven’t exactly gotten better at that.”
“You only have a bag so I assume it will be alright.”
“I only have this change of clothes and some other stuff, honestly. So I guess.”
“You only have one change of clothes?”
Wei Wuxian laughs nervously, shrugging. “I had to sell a lot of stuff to afford to come back here. Most of my clothes I threw out anyways because they were too grease stained or ripped. I have a jacket and a sweater and some shoes so I’ll stay warm. Just have to wash them more often. I had more but the plane people lost my luggage or it was stolen too.”
Lan Wangji frowns, but doesn’t press any longer. He’s pulling into his apartment building and quickly leads the way. Wei Wuxian whistles at the size of the building, laughing at how out of place he is. He slips his scuffed sneakers off and feels almost too out of place. His shirt is his cleanest one as it’s black and doesn’t actually show any grease he might have accidentally gotten on it and his jeans are relatively hole free. But next to Lan Wangji in a fancy looking shirt and tie with a clean and miniscule apartment building in downtown…
“I have a guest room you can use.”
“You’re so cold to your old best friend, you’re not going to make me sleep in your bed like old times?”
He’s joking, trying to ignore the small ball of hope in his chest that Lan Wangji would push him away so he could leave and never come back again. He knew he was putting a lot of people at risk socially coming back like Lan Wangji. He knew Madame Yu would try to control who he saw if it was an open secret that he somehow made it home. She was still high up in the Jiang Company so she’d pull strings behind the scenes so they couldn’t get raises or promotions or something. But he couldn’t stay in America forever. He missed China and it’s streets full of people and food and shops. He missed his home. He missed Lan Wangji.
“You may sleep with me in my bed if you would prefer.” Lan Wangji says, moving away in the apartment. He was placing his bag neatly in an office and sat at the low table on the floor gracefully. “I will cook supper in one hour.”
Wei Wuxian flops down next to him, reading over his shoulder at what he’s working on. It almost feels too familiar after so long because the two had a similar pattern. When Lan Wangji was in school, he’d go away to be an apprentice teacher and come home with grading much like this. Wei Wuxian was a constant presence around his apartment,even if they didn’t live together. Madame Yu’s attitude towards him made it harder to stay some days. He’d read over Lan Wangji’s shoulder and make comments about the work and what was being taught. He especially got excited when they were teaching about physics and sciences and would ramble about his own work.
It was a long time ago but Wei Wuxian finds himself offering similar comments. Pointing out how he would use stuff he was learning in school for engineering as a mechanic. Lan Wangji taught for a lot of different subjects, history, music, and overall sciences for secondary junior education so comments from Wei Wuxian filter in more and more as Lan Wangji grades.
The evening passes leisurely like that. They dance around the uncomfortable elephant in the room. It almost feels inappropriate to say anything about so long ago but at the same time it hurt to act like nothing happened. It’s a compromise when Lan Wangji asks how long he plans on staying.
“I mean...I’d love to stay here for good but...Big Sister and Jiang Cheng might get in trouble. I don’t think Jiang Cheng really wants me around either.” Wei Wuxian scuffs his toe idly against the floor, trying to ignore any eye contact they could possibly make. “I don’t care. It’s not like Madame Yu can do much to me. I’ll ignore her and she’ll ignore me.”
“Have you any idea about jobs to keep you here?”
“I’m going to start looking tomorrow. Somebody has to be hiring. Might have to find something that isn’t about mechanics though because I don’t have the clothes to spare if these ones are ruined in one shift.”
“I can lend you clothes.”
Wei Wuxian barks a laugh. “No offense but I don’t care how messy I get when I work and my clothes don’t last long because of that. Yours are too nice to put through that.”
Lan Wangji frowns but doesn’t press it, instead asking, “The school needs help with maintenance. I could talk to the principle-”
“I’m sorry, you’re offering me a job and a place to stay? Not a chance, Lan Zhan. I’ll be fine. Give me like...two months and I’ll be out of your hair.”
Lan Wangji looks alarmed, his eyes widening slightly, his grip on his water a little too tight. Wei Wuxian frowns at that.
“I never came back to be a bother. I know I...You don’t have to sacrifice anything in your life to help me.”
“It’s not a sacrifice.”
Wei Wuxian’s frown disappears, forced behind a tight smile as he turns away and puts his cup into the dishwasher. He won’t continue the conversation so Lan Wangji can only sigh through his nose and let it go.
That night at nine, like clockwork, Lan Wangji starts getting tiredly. He gets ready for bed and stands awkwardly in the living room. Wei Wuxian is sitting on the couch, looking like he won’t move until the next morning.
“You can go to bed, Lan Zhan. I won’t be loud, promise.”
“You are my guest.”
“Yes and your guest will stay out here. I was just joking about staying in your room.”
“It is fine.”
Wei Wuxian laughs, his smile growing fond. “Don’t worry. I may be just barely shorter than you but I’ll be fine on the couch. You don’t have to worry.”
“I will always worry about Wei Ying.”
It’s blunt but it gets his point across. Wei Wuxian’s face blooms in his embarrassment and he rubs his nose gently.
“Alright, alright. I get it you want me to stay in your bed. But you aren’t staying on the couch either.”
“I will-”
“Nope, if you won’t let me sleep on the couch, I won’t let you. We’re sharing.” Wei Wuxian shoots him a cheeky grin as he moves down the hall. “Just like old times, huh?”
They climb into bed with Wei Wuxian kicking off his jeans and plastering to the wall to give Lan Wangji as much room as possible. He seems tense but when Lan Wangji seems to move just close enough he can’t help but relax slowly.
“I missed being called Wei Ying.” He mutters almost shyly in the silence between them.
“Mn.”
“It’s hard to think it’s been so long too but I’m glad I finally managed to make the money to come back. It’s so expensive to live in Boston. I lived in some really bad places and still barely made rent and everything some months. I’m not exactly excited to figure out how expensive it’ll be to live here though, if I’m honest.”
“Quiet.” Lan Wangji says gently. “It is bedtime.”
“Ah, ever so strict about your house rules. Alright, alright, I’ll be quiet. See you tomorrowt, Lan Zhan.”
“See you tomorrow, Wei Ying.”
The two fall silent but don’t sleep. Lan Wangji feels in a half awake haze Wei Wuxian roll over against his chest. He can’t help but bring an arm around the other’s back and welcome the familiar body. They’re almost the same height so if he just shifts his head they would be kissing like all those years ago.
He ignores his own thoughts, falling asleep eventually with his face buried into Wei Wuxian’s hair.
Like always, he’s awake at five. He feels the lump against his chest that is Wei Wuxian and almost can’t believe this is real. He isn’t sure if this is still an all too familiar dream or not. But no, he’s awake with Wei Wuxian against his chest.
Wei Wuxian mumbles something and clings to his nightshirt even harder. Lan Wangji can’t feel like moving even if he does have to start his morning routine. It’s a Saturday so there aren’t classes but he still sticks to a schedule of running at 5:30AM, getting ready and showering at 6, then eating at 6:30. It leaves him plenty of time to read or do other things before he has to leave at 7:30 for work as school starts at 8:30.
This morning is different though as he can’t pull himself away from the comfortable embrace until 5:30. He wants to stay like this, feeling Wei Wuxian breathing against his neck, feeling Wei Wuxian’s legs wrapped around his, feeling Wei Wuxian. But he has to get up.
So he gently pries himself away from Wei Wuxian. He makes a small sound that sounds like a whine and clings to Lan Wangji, slumping against him in a barely awake daze and propping his head onto Lan Wangji’s shoulder as he sits up.
“Go back to sleep,” is all Lan Wangji is able to say as he takes Wei Wuxian’s arms from around his chest and lays the other back down. He tucks him back in and gently places a soft kiss against Wei Wuxian’s forehead.
Wei Wuxian preens in his sleep, smiling, and rolling to find the source of the comfort. But Lan Wangji is already gone, taking his clothes to change into his running gear. He stretches and uses it as an excuse not to think. He can’t think because if he does all that enclosures him is the sleepy, content smile of Wei Wuxian in his bed, happily curled around him after the briefest of kisses.
It was his own moment of weakness and Lan Wangji felt a pit in his stomach from guilt. He should have never done something to Wei Wuxian without his knowing. But this isn’t something he can easily apologize about. He resolves to ignore everything. He’s good at that. His work is demanding of his concentration for lessons and teaching. It kept him busy for years. It can keep him similarly busy.
Wei Wuxian isn’t up when Lan Wangji comes back and he can’t help but let out a small laugh. Wei Wuxian’s sleeping habits never changed after so long. It isn’t until eight that he crawls out of bed, rubbing at his eyes and stuffing his legs into his jeans and tying his hair up again.
Lan Wangji is reading at the dinner table and is shocked to see Wei Wuxian awake.
“I wish I could sleep longer but I always worked super early so the longest I can stay asleep now is eight.” Wei Wuxian explains. He slumps onto the dinner table across from Lan Wangji, groaning. “I hate wearing clothes twice in a row. Stupid plane people.”
“We can go get clothes today after you eat.”
“What? No, it’s fine. I’ll get some money-”
Lan Wangji isn’t listening though and soon Wei Wuxian is suckered into going clothes shopping with Lan Wangji. He grumbles for a second before he’s over it and buys what he can. He’s grateful for the opportunity to have something of his own and soon ignores the gnaw at having to rely on Lan Wangji for so much. He doesn’t want to leave the man again after so long, he doesn’t know if he could ever leave like that again. Even if what they have wasn’t what it was and might never be again he’s okay with that.
He feels more comfortable being able to change daily now. There was something in him that softens when he gathers his clothes with Lan Wangji’s to wash together. He isn’t trusted to do the laundry without supervision though when he accidentally put too much soap and the washer leaked. The clothes smelled great afterwards, in his defense.
Both dance around the other in the apartment. After his earlier joking about sharing a bed, it becomes natural. The two sleep in the same bed every night and they’re used to it to where it isn’t even an issue. Wei Wuxian goes to bed at nine with Lan Wangji but stays up until easily midnight afterwards, staring at the wall from his own insomnia making it hard to fall asleep still.
“You do not sleep well.” Lan Wangji says eventually, weeks after they have settled together.
Wei Wuxian tries to smile through it but he’s bone tired in a way he hasn’t been in a very long time. He has been able to get a job as a cashier at a corner store and so he works late nights. He comes home at three am most nights and climbs into bed drowsy but still can’t sleep some nights.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says in almost a sigh.
“It’s not a big deal. I’ve always been bad with sleeping.” He shrugs but there’s an intenseness with how Lan Wangji looks at him.
“I will help you.”
Wei Wuxian laughs but it cuts off as he’s pulled away into their room and Lan Wangji lays down and pulls him on top of his chest. He gently, hesitantly, runs his hands through Wei Wuxian’s hair in a familiar way that Jiang Yanli used to. His chest tightens and he sucks in a shuddering breath. It’s been so long since he felt so at peace like this. He clung to Lan Wangji at night but he was stiff and didn’t easily hug back. Wei Wuxian didn't want to be rude so would unlatch immediately when Lan Wangji started stirring in the mornings.
Right now though, he’s so at ease and comforted he feels himself falling asleep. He’s more at peace then he’s been in years. He finally feels like he’s back where he should be, back home.
Wei Wuxian buries his face into Lan Wangji’s neck, sighing. He can’t help but saying, in his state of calm and ease, “Thank you, Lan Zhan. I missed you all these years.”
The hand in his hair stills for a moment before it continues gently going through his hair. It’s almost gentler too. “I missed Wei Ying too.”
“I…” Wei Wuxian hums, cutting himself off and letting the warmth and relaxation flow in him. “Who knew you were so bold.”
He gives a weak laugh, trying to ease himself into the atmosphere he isn’t sure if he’s allowed. Lan Wangji gives a small hum and continues stroking his hair.
“You should sleep, Wei Ying. You are tired.”
Wei Wuxian feels his eyes burn and nods. He burrows into the hold and lets himself fall asleep, lets himself relax like he hasn’t in years.
He wakes up hours later with Lan Wangji still dutifully letting Wei Wuxian lay on top of him. He seems deep in thought about something. Wei Wuxian picks his head up, scrunching up his nose as he tries to find Lan Wangji’s phone to check the time.
“How long was I asleep?” he finally asks.
“Six hours. You are tired.”
Wei Wuxian rolls off of Lan Wangji, albeit reluctantly. “You should have woken me up. You must have been bored. We should get something to eat. I’ll help you make dinner tonight. I promise I won’t use any spices for your food this time.”
“You should sleep more while you have a day off.”
Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes, elbowing Lan Wangji playfully. “What, I would almost think you want me sleeping so you don’t have to hear me talk.”
“That is not my intention.”
Wei Wuxian smiles gentler. “I know. I’m kidding, don’t worry. I think it’s cute that you worry about me this much. Nobody has for 13 years.”
Lan Wangji blinks, his ears tinting pink. Wei Wuxian notices too late what he said and jumps up, laughing loudly and stiffly to ignore the tension. He walks out of the room, hurrying to the kitchen where he starts rooting through the cupboards for something.
Lan Wangji follows after, slower, and pulls out vegetables and a small package of meat. Wei Wuxian does a double take at the meat, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Did you buy that just for me? I don’t mind eating vegetarian with you, Lan Zhan.”
“You don’t find it as filling.” Lan Wangji pulls out things, most likely for a marinade.
“I mean, yeah I’m not used to being vegetarian of course I wouldn’t find it that filling like you but it’s fine.”
Lan Wangji gives a sharp look, eyes narrowed and frustrated. “If Wei Ying doesn’t eat correctly he will not be able to sleep well and perform at his job.”
Wei Wuxian laughs, not expecting it. “You’re so nice to me, Lan Zhan. I can’t believe you don’t have a girlfriend yet with how good you are to people.”
“I’m not...into women.” Lan Wangji says slowly.
Before Wei Wuxian can process that, though, Lan Wangji’s phone rings. He looks at it puzzled before blanching just slightly. He picks it up and says a dutiful hello and the voice on the other end isn’t hard to hear in the slightest.
“I know Wei Wuxian is at your place. I’m almost there. Tell him Sister is also coming.” Jiang Cheng yells.
Wei Wuxian drops the knife with a loud clatter, his hands shaking. He doesn’t know what they’re going to think. He doesn’t want to know what they think. It’s been 13 years since they saw one another and he wanted to see them on his own terms.
“Wei Ying is here but do not assume you can see him at your own whim.” Lan Wangji says coldly.
“No, it’s fine.” He hears himself telling Lan Wangji. He holds his hand out for the phone and it's given reluctantly. “Hi, Jiang Cheng. This is a fancy apartment building so try not to disrupt the neighbours with your yelling.”
“Fuck off, we’ll be there in a couple minutes.”
The line goes dead and he stares at the list of numbers in Lan Wangji’s phones numbly. He sighs, running a hand through his hair.
“Do you wish to see them?” Lan Wangji asks him.
He smiles bitterly. “I do but I don’t know how they’ll...I don’t know what they’re going to say so it’s hard.”
Lan Wangji nods. They forgo making dinner until later and sit on the couch. Wei Wuxian gnaws on his nails nervously to the point he almost draws blood. Lan Wangji gently takes his hands away and hands him a small remote.
“Play with the back instead.” Lan Wangji says and it makes Wei Wuxian laugh.
“What, you ruin your fingers too?”
There’s a small hint of a smile when he answers with, “I like the noise.”
Both sit in silence again, Wei Wuxian messing with the back of the remote, clicking it off and back in relentlessly. It’s ten minutes until there’s a small buzzing from the front door. Lan Wangji stands to answer it.
“Yes?” He asks.
“You know who it is, let us in.”
“Don’t be rude, A-Cheng.” Jiang Yanli scolds behind him.
The voice and familiarity almost moves Wei Wuxian to tears.
“You may come up. Please do not disrupt my neighbours.”
Wei Wuxian sighs, burying his face into his knees. Lan Wangji is beside him again, a gentle hand on his shoulder. They wait for the knock and opens the door dutifully when it comes. Jiang Cheng is a storm that barely takes his shoes off before marching over to Wei Wuxian.
He’s sat back up straighter, and his eyes are blank. He isn’t sure what is going to happen right now and lets Jiang Cheng grab his collar, hoisting him to his feet so they’re eye level.
“Where the fuck did you go all these years?” Jiang Cheng yells.
“Boston. I thought Madame Yu told you at least that much.”
“Why didn’t you call us? Why didn’t you let us know where you were, that you were alive, that you weren’t homeless?”
Wei Wuxian smiles and it's bitter and full of something they can’t place. “Madame Yu made it very clear not to let you guys know where I was or I wouldn’t be able to keep my apartment, shitty as it was. An uncle ran the building and already didn’t like me because I had weird sleeping hours from school.”
Jiang Cheng’s steam is slowly deflating inside him and he drops Wei Wuxian’s collar. Jiang Yanli steps closer, crying in a mixture of happiness and sorrow.
“A-Xian, you know Mom can’t hurt us anymore. She hasn’t been able to for a while. Why didn’t you call?”
Wei Wuxian feels his eyes glance towards where Lan Wangji is standing, politely on the outside of their small reunion but still close enough to help in case something happens. He feels his chest hurt and his eyes burn as he thinks about the many reasons why he didn’t come back sooner.
“The party…” Jiang Cheng breathes. “It really was because of that you left for so long.”
“Y-No, I mean-” Wei Wuxian buries his face in his hands. “After a few years, I had an alright apartment and job as a mechanic so I was fine but...I didn’t know what you guys would say. You both never said anything bad but...also never anything good.”
“You’re our brother.” Jiang Yanli mutters, voice cracking. She reaches out and pulls him into a crushing hug and Jiang Cheng is wrapped into it, his own eyes burning the same.
“It was hard to tell if I still was after so long. Madame Yu and Uncle Jiang always pitted me and Jiang Cheng against each other.”
“Shut up, Idiot. Not like I could get rid of you after so long.”
Wei Wuxian laughs softly at that. “I’m sticky like that.”
Jiang Yanli pulls back, smoothing Wei Wuxian’s hair. “Your hair is so long now. I always thought that you looked nice with long hair.”
The comment pulls a small awkward moment between the two as the words catch up but Wei Wuxian smiles, leaning into the soft touch and preening.
“I thought so too. After I moved I couldn’t afford haircuts so I just left it. I am very good at dying hair without a mirror though.”
“What colour?”
“I put in some blue streaks when I had some extra money and was bored on a forced vacation. Not sure if it suited me but it was fun.”
Jiang Yanli laughs, tucking his hair behind his ear. “What else did you do for fun?”
Wei Wuxian gives a small hum, tapping his finger against his lip. “Not much. What I was being paid barely broke even for what I needed to make rent and stuff. I liked drawing still but I used a lot of my free time to experiment with spare car parts they let me have.”
“What were you doing?” Jiang Cheng asks.
“Seeing if there was an easier way to make them more dynamic, less pollutant, easier transition to greener energy. I found it but there’s no money in my account to even think of trying to make a prototype and anything.”
“You don’t have any money?” Jinag Yanli asks, almost sounding sick.
“Nah, I was homeless a couple times in Boston. I stuck around there because the uncle gave me rice a lot and would give me fish and some vegetables if I wasn’t noisy every few weeks. I gave him free oil changes and checkups on his car as an exchange. Used the last of my money to come back here and I have a lot of debt I have to pay off so most of the money goes to that. Lan Wangji won’t let me help with any kind of rent or utilities.”
Wei Wuxian shot a dirty look at Lan Wangji who seemed amused at the last sentence. There was a tenseness to his shoulders that was never there unless he was overthinking something though. Wei Wuxian narrows his eyes slightly, confused at the stance but doesn’t address it. He’ll have to talk about this later anyways.
“What did you go into debt over?” Jiang Yanli asks, hesitant.
“Oh, haha, well…” Wei Wuxian scratches his head. “I got really sick and needed a couple surgeries. Guys at work pitched in a little for my rent and food when I couldn’t work afterwards but all the hospital bills added up after a while. I got a cosmetic surgery too that really shot up my debt.”
“Cosmetic?”Jiang Cheng asks sharply.
Wei Wuxian sighs. “I got top surgery and it was 8 thousand USD so like 55 thousand Yuan? That’s one of my bills.”
“A-Xian,” Yanli says, clutching her mouth. “Those are so expensive, how come you didn’t wait?”
“I couldn’t. I needed extensive surgery and the entire time they kept calling me ma’am despite how they called me sir until I had to take my shirt off. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. It wasn’t too bad, I saved up a bunch of vacation and my boss liked me because I worked hard so he gave me an extra week paid.”
He shrugs easily, trying to ignore the weight in his chest knowing how worried his siblings looked. He turns to joke to Lan Wangji but even his usual neutral face is blown wide, his eyebrows pinched, his mouth frowning. He looks so angry and sad it cuts off anything Wei Wuxian was about to joke about.
“What do you need to get out of debt?” Jiang Cheng asks finally.
“A lot. Just one surgery was that much and it wasn’t even that bad. It took like an extra hour only because of how I had a bigger cup size than they expected.”
“Let us help. I can ask A-Xuan to give you a job or A-Cheng can pull some strings at the company so Mom doesn’t see where it’s going.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m used to being in debt. Even if I only had enough for bills, I still made it. I’m an expert at dumpster diving, I think.”
“You will not go hungry,” Lan Wangji says gravely.
“Come home with us,” Yanli asks desperately.
Wei Wuxian opens his mouth, pausing. He looks quickly and sees the minute resignation Lan Wangji has in his eyes, waiting for what he would say. He doesn’t want to leave. He really doesn’t want to leave.
“I have a job here. You’re three hours away by just plane.” Wei Wuxian settles on. “Lan Zhan seems to let me annoy him enough to let me stick around at least!”
Jiang Cheng makes a noise and is about to argue when Lan Wangji interrupts him. “Wei Ying has work.”
Yanli gets the hint and smiles. “We’ll come back next weekend. We’re all having dinner together. You can meet A-Ling.”
“You have a son?” Wei Wuxian whispers, feeling his throat closing.
“Yes! He’s such a bright little boy, he’s five soon. I have to show you pictures. They’re all on my computer at home. I’ll send Wangji an email with them and I’ll make him update me with your health. Since he’s feeding you, you have to make him dinner with some recipes from Yunmeng. I’m sure he’ll love it.”
Lan Wangji hums, nodding as he shifts to help Yanli with her coat.
“Will Jin Zixuan be there if we have dinner together?”
“Yes, he will.”
“Is he done insulting you?” Wei Wuxian says with a sniff.
“Believe me,” Jinag Cheng says gravely. “He is.”
Yanli smiles, cupping Wei Wuxian’s face in her hands. “Please keep in contact with us. We’re all adults and I’m not losing my little brother again. I’ll have Wangji show you A-Ling tonight when we get home.”
Wei Wuxian smiles, bending a little so Yanli can kiss his forehead.
“If you make Sister cry again, I’ll kill you. You’re our brother.” Jiang Cheng says, crossing his arms.
Lan Wangji bristles beside Wei Wuxian but he laughs, throwing an arm around Jiang Cheng. “I know you missed me too. I’ll tell Lan Zhan to check his personal email more so I can torment you all with my rambling until I can get a phone.”
“You don’t have one?”
“I had a work one before I left because they were tired of me not being able to come in. There were a few other people that immigrated there and they helped convince the owner to give me one even though I was new. I had to sell it even though they gave it to me to afford the plane trip, honestly.”
Yanli looks stricken but smiles. “I’ll leave Wangji in charge of our messages then. I’ll send him recipes to make you as well.”
And then they’re gone, waving at Wei Wuxian as he watches their car from the apartment entrance.
“Why did you need so many costly surgeries?” Lan Wangji asks when he steps back inside.
He sighs, slipping into a chair at the table across from Lan Wangji. He messes with one of the pens on the table as he says, “I had kidney failure. There was an ulcer on one of them because I kept ignoring it and they had to take it out.”
“Why did you ignore it for so long?”
Wei Wuxian laughs, looking up at him through his lashes. “The American healthcare system is dog shit. For even a basic doctor's appointment, that was grocery money for the week. I only went to the hospital in the end because I collapsed at work.”
Lan Wangji stares at his hands for a moment before meeting Wei Wuxian’s eyes. “I will help you pay your medical debt. There is a branch of the family business that deals with payments that we can help you with forgiving it over time.”
“There’s no need. It’s...way too much. It’ll take decades for it to be forgiven completely.”
“How much?”
Wei Wuxian sighs, slumping into the table. “Well, removing my kidney took seven hours because they had to be careful around my arteries and not pop anything. So that was 15 thousand. On top of the money for keeping me, giving me food, all the supplies and labour. Then I needed another surgery to correct internal bleeding from the first one because something ruptured I guess. So I had to stay even longer. I also needed a lot of anesthesia, medication, I had to take work off and miss almost three months so all the meger savings I had went to rent and food. Then I had to overwork myself to catch up on the interest of not paying for medical stuff and-God,” Wei Wuxian buries his face into his hands. “I have all my bills but I haven’t looked at them in a while. The money comes from my account automatically.”
“Let me see them. I can help you.”
“I know you can. You helped work in finances, it’s an easy fix for you. But you’re not at work in the family business anymore. I know you might just try to reorganize my entire budget, too. I’ll get it eventually.”
Lan Wangji sighs, his brow furrowed. Wei Wuxian stays silent, knowing that’s how he looks when he wants to say something but can’t think of the words. He waits, still playing with the pen absently.
“I am not doing this out of obligation. I wish you the best.”
Wei Wuxian feels himself freeze, the pen dropping from his hand. He doesn’t want to look up but he can feel the intensity of Lan Wangji’s gaze on him. He gives a small laugh, trying to ignore how he feels.
“I’ll figure it out.” He says softly.
“You do not have to do everything on your own, Wei Ying.”
He looks up this time, smiling mournfully. “You were always there for me in the past but I was only annoying you until you accepted I wouldn’t leave you alone.”
“No.”
“What?”
“Never annoying.”
“N-Never? You hated me though.”
Lan Wangji frowns, his brows dragging so there’s a line in his forehead. He looks like he’s trying to think how to say something but is struggling. Wei Wuxian waits as he thinks, feeling himself almost blindsided at the thought Lan Wangji never truly hated him.
“You were...different.” Lan Wangji finally says. “I did not know how to act with you as I was raised with so many rules. You broke them freely and I didn’t understand. I only knew you were...the only friend I had.”
“I think everybody was too scared to approach you.”
“Yes, I have heard as such. I do not...share emotions very easily on my face. Nobody realizes it is hard for me.”
“I don’t mind. I can tell when you’re upset.”
“You can?”
“Yeah,” Wei Wuxian shrugs, plucking at the hair in front of his eyes. “You clench your fists and your shoulders are really tight and your eyebrow furrows. They’re tiny but if you look you can tell.”
Lan Wangji gives a small huff, seeming satisfied. It’s quiet for a moment and Wei Wuxian feels it change slightly when Lan Wangji shifts, facing Wei Wuxian.
“What is it?” Wei Wuxian asks gently. He feels small. As if there’s going to be a talk between the two he isn’t sure he’s ready for.
“Jiang Yanli mentioned...you were forced out of your home from what happened at the party.” Lan Wangji says carefully.
All the air seems to have sucked out of Wei Wuxian as he nods, focusing only on his hands.
“Do you...regret kissing me?” His voice is so small. It hurts to hear. Wei Wuxian feels like water was thrown on him as he looks up quickly, shaking his head hastily.
“No! I never...I had such a big crush on you. Jiang Cheng was happy for me because I kept going on about you. I just...I knew it wouldn’t end well because of Madame Yu and how strict she is.”
“Had?”
Wei Wuxian lets out a too loud laugh. It’s strained and nervous and he isn’t sure how to say it and can only say, “Have.”
Lan Wangji’s eyes are big and his hands are shaking. Wei Wuxian almost flies around the table, kneeling by him to try to take Lan Wangji’s hands into his own.
“I’m sorry, I’ll leave. I don’t-I know I shouldn’t be in love with you. I’m sorry-,” He keeps saying, over and over, his heart in tatters as he sees the minute shaking of Wangji.
“Not sad,” is all Wangji gets out. He can’t speak as he pulls Wei Wuxian to his chest.
“Not sad?” Wei Wuxian can’t help but repeat stupidly.
There’s a resolute shake of Wangji’s head as he pulls back, cupping Wei Wuxian’s face gently. “I have loved you for a very long time. I would never expect anything of you. I never wanted to push you.”
Wei Wuxian laughs at himself, holding Lan Wangji’s hands to his face. His eyes burn as he kisses one of Lan Wangji’s palms. Lan Wangji smiles, his eyes crinkling gently as he slips onto the ground to his knees in front of Wei Wuxian.
“Were you trying to do everything for me trying to show me how you felt since you have trouble speaking?”
Lan Wangji hums, pressing a kiss to Wei Wuxian’s forehead. “I was not able to voice how I wanted, yes.”
“You need to work on your flirting if that’s how you end up trying to woo me. I think you should have written a beautiful card for me and given me spicy chocolate professing your love for me so I could be swept off my feet at work.”
“Ridiculous,” Lan Wangji says, shaking his head fondly.
“I am! But I’m ridiculous only for you!”
Wei Wuxian smiles bright and giddy as he leans forward, kissing Lan Wangji again after so long. He’s nervous and their noses bump but Lan Wangji quickly readjusts them, pulling Wei Wuxian closer. They pull apart, smiling and slightly out of breath, but they’re so content. Wei Wuxian can’t help but press small kisses over Lan Wangji’s face to wherever he can reach.
“Does this mean we can finally date after 13 years?” Wei Wuxian says, quiet and hopeful as he leans against Lan Wangji.
He pulls back, looking almost baffled at Wei Wuxian. “If we are not dating I would like a refund.”
Wei Wuxian laughs loudly and it’s so bright and happy it fills Lan Wangji. He missed his laugh so much. It finally hits that he’s here, Wei Wuxian is back. He’ll be safe and happy and stay that way.
“I will help you with your medical debt. I am very aware of the process.” Lan Wangji says eventually.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian whines.
“I have gone through the process for top surgery, I know how to have medical debt forgiven for it.”
Wei Wuxian sighs but perks up. “Wait, you got top surgery? You never told me that! I just thought your chest went down so much! You have so much muscle under these shirts. It’s pretty hot though.”
Lan Wangji looks smug and Wei Wuxian sticks his tongue out. He smiles, kissing the side of Wei Wuxian’s face and Wei Wuxian relaxes, cupping Lan Wangji’s face.
“Thank you. I’ll do anything I can to repay you.”
“Just stay with me. I only wish to be with you for as long as you will have me.”
They’re smiling and giddy as Wei Wuxian nods, kissing Lan Wangji again. It’s as they kiss that Lan Wangji is finally able to realize that the gnawing hollowness in him is gone. He feels whole again.