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Kokichi wanted a hug.
His whole life, he’s been touch starved. He never really let himself feel close enough to anyone, so therefore he never really got the touch he so desperately needed.
But it wasn’t that bad! Mainly because he was used to it.
It’s just that sometimes he couldn’t help wishing he could feel how nice it would be to have someone’s arms wrapped around him.
Not like he would ever admit that to anyone! Wow, that would be embarrassing.
So, he just went about his life accepting that he might never get that comfort he secretly hoped for.
And that, in a way, was better. He didn’t know what a hug felt like, so he wouldn't have a reason to want one, right?
Until he accidentally did.
Listen, it wasn’t his fault that life after the killing game was so strange and awful it made him cry. That was Team Danganronpa’s fault! And it wasn’t his fault Shuichi came into his room while he was crying. That was Shuichi’s fault!
Though it might have been Kokichi’s fault that he left the door unlocked. Oops.
Anyway, when Shuichi saw that he was crying, since he’s such a nice person, he immediately tried to help him. When words didn’t work, he wrapped his arms around him.
And Kokichi immediately sank into him. His embrace just felt so... safe and comfortable. The warmth enveloped Kokichi and he wanted to stay there forever. All of the bad things he was thinking didn’t seem to matter anymore. All he needed to think about was the feeling of Shuichi’s arms.
And it definitely didn’t hurt that he sort of, maybe, had feelings for him. No, that just made it feel even better. Now along with the comfort he was feeling, it also felt like there were fireworks going off in his chest.
But eventually, they pulled apart and that feeling went away.
And he couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to hug him again. Usually he would, but Shuichi seemed pretty fragile after the killing game. So Kokichi didn’t know how he’d react to a surprise hug. It was totally understandable and he would respect Shuichi’s boundaries, of course! He didn’t want to pressure him into doing anything that was uncomfortable for him.
Though that wouldn’t stop him from secretly wanting another hug.
Just a small one, for like 3 seconds!
Or a long one for like three hours.
Or he could never let go.
Whatever works!
But he wouldn't admit this out loud! He had a reputation to protect!
And fine, he was a little scared of actually admitting something like this for once. He wasn’t very good with...feelings. He’s only just started recognizing that they were acceptable and not ignoring them. And he only did that because his therapist kept telling him to. And it was exhausting not to listen to them when they kept saying it over and over and over again.
But feelings were complicated. Yes, he wants a hug and yes he likes Shuichi, but it doesn't matter if it isn't reciprocated! Then it’s just useless. And what does he do then? Still keep those feelings? Apparently so, because no signs were pointing to Shuichi reciprocating and Kokichi still...felt things!
Y’know, on second thought, maybe he should just forget what his therapist says and start ignoring his feelings again. Then he wouldn’t be having this problem!
“Hey, uh, Kokichi?” Shuichi questioned, snapping Kokichi out of his thoughts.
Oh, right, they were eating together right now. He was so caught up in thinking that he forgot about that for a second.
“Yesss?” Kokichi responded.
“Are you okay?” Shuichi inquired, seeming slightly worried. He must be confused as to why Kokichi wasn't talking.
Well, Shuichi, maybe if you weren't so desirable then Kokichi wouldn't have been distracted in the first place!
“What do you mean? Of course I am!” Kokichi exclaimed.
Shuichi nodded, “Ah, okay. You’ve just been looking at me a lot, but you haven't been saying anything. I thought, maybe-”
Kokichi interrupted, “Nope! I’m totally fine!”
Jeez, close call. Shuichi might’ve actually started totally worrying about him if he let that go too far. But he really was fine, his mind was just occupied right now.
The combination of wanting a hug and liking someone was too much! He kept thinking about it. Usually if he wanted a hug, he’d just cover himself in blankets to simulate the warmth of one. Embarrassing but true. But now he had someone that he really wanted a hug from and it was just. Too much. Too much feeling.
Ugh. Y'know.
Maybe, just maybe. He could...ask for a hug?
But like, discreetly!
Just so he could be satisfied and stop thinking for a while. Then maybe, he could take all of these feelings away completely! He would've gotten what he wanted so there would no need to feel anymore, right?
Right? That’s a good plan.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You’re being really quiet, that’s not like you” Shuichi questioned, again.
“Quiet? Huh! I hadn’t noticed” Kokichi lied.
On the downside, Kokichi could possibly reveal he has a weak spot for affection. That wasn’t good. Revealing he was weak in any way was probably the worst thing that could happen to him. And he could lie his way out of it, but Shuichi would probably notice. And then there was a chance that Shuichi will not want to hug him at all! And that would just be awkward. Kokichi would have to face rejection and stuff. And then all the feelings would be even harder to deal with.
But on the upside, Shuichi could let him hug him and then he would get that comforting feeling back. And then, now that he’s satisfied, he cuts off all feelings he ever had for him!
...
Yikes. It seemed that the bad outweighed the good on this one. Even the good plan he had seemed risky. Nevermind! He shouldn't ask for a hug. That was just stupid, he was getting carried away with his feelings again.
Ugh. Feelings.
He looked over at Shuichi.
Feelings.
Why did Shuichi have to be so objectively cute and nice? It wasn’t fair! And why did that hug he gave him have to feel so right? This wasn’t fair!
Kokichi prided himself off of being able to hide his feelings, why was it becoming so hard?
It didn’t make any sense for him to ask for a hug right now or even imply in any way that he wants one.
But he wanted to!!!
Maybe he could just let himself be a little selfish right now.
He knew he didn’t deserve it, especially after everything he put everyone through.
But...
“Shuichi, how do you feel about physical affection?” Kokichi blurted, his feelings getting the better of him.
“Wh-what?” Shuichi reacted. Yeah, he didn’t expect Kokichi to say that. But to be fair, neither did Kokichi.
“Yknow like hugging, holding hands” Kokichi clarified. Well, he was in too deep now. He might as well go along with this.
“Wh-why do you want to know that?” Shuichi perplexed, his face starting to turn red. Kokichi always thought that he was so cute when he was flustered.
But anyway. What reason could he make up as to why he wanted to know that?
“Hmmm, just wondering! You seem like the touch starved type” Kokichi explained.
It wasn’t really a lie. Shuichi did seem that way. When he hugged Kokichi that one time, it might have been really comfortable but he didn't exactly seem experienced. And when they pulled away, Shuichi’s face was as red as a tomato. He probably hadn’t hugged anyone in a while, and that's why he reacted like that.
“Uh, well I guess I kinda am” Shuichi admitted.
So Kokichi was right! Good job, Kokichi.
Shuichi being touch starved didn't mean he wanted a hug. He could not like touch at all! But if he did like touch and just hadn’t experienced it enough, then he would be fine with hugging Kokichi, right?
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
“Hmmm, I see” Kokichi noted.
...He could ask him for a hug right now. Should he?
It wouldn’t be that suspicious, due to their topic of conversation. Plus, the focus would be on Shuichi, not Kokichi. So Shuichi might never find out that he was the one who wante-
“Are you touch starved?” Shuichi countered.
Well. There goes his plan!
“No! Not at all! I get tons of hugs!” Kokichi lied. But there was almost 100% certainty that Shuichi would be able to see through that. He was just hoping he wouldn’t bring it up.
“...You’re lying” Shuichi pointed out.
Ok, jeez, Shuichi! You didn’t have to be that smart.
“I am not!” Kokichi lied, again.
Well, what does he do now? If he asks for a hug, then it’s gonna seem like he’s asking for one because he actually wants one. Which is true, but the truth was scary.
“It’s okay if you are! ” Shuichi reassured. He opened his mouth to say something else but immediately closed it. Kokichi stayed quiet trying to see if he’d continue. But he didn’t.
“I can tell you wanted to say something, Shuichi. Just say it!” Kokichi teased. Part of him hoped he would say something about giving him a hug, but that wasn’t possible!
“Uh...I was going to say that if you..ever want a hug, you can...ask me” Shuichi revealed.
Oh.
Well.
Uh.
Guess it was possible.
Huh.
Wait. Was Kokichi reading this right? It seemed like Shuichi was okay with hugging him. Actually, he seemed like he was offering one. Was Shuichi seriously okay with that? If Kokichi said yes, would he actually give him one?
Like, actually?
“Of course you don’t have to, I’m just...offering” Shuichi clarified, probably nervous that Kokichi wasn’t answering him.
Kokichi’s heart just felt like it exploded. In a good way! Was Shuichi serious? He didn’t seem like he was lying. Was he?
Should Kokichi really say yes to this? He knew he didn’t really deserve a hug from Shuichi at all but...
“Hmm, alright!” Kokichi agreed.
He couldn't help it, he wanted a hug! And Shuichi, the one who’s been causing all these feelings, was offering one to him. How could he say no?
Shuichi’s face lit up. Like, he was happy about hugging him. That’s so crazy. How could anyone be happy about hugging him?
Meanwhile, Kokichi was elated. He didn’t show it though. He was still trying to keep his mask on and not completely melt into a lovey-dovey mess.
Soon enough, Shuichi wrapped his arms around Kokichi.
It took literally everything in Kokichi not to completely cling on to him. But he didn’t. He just lightly hugged him back.
And the comforting feeling immediately returned. It felt even warmer than before. He could hear Shuichi’s soft breaths and feel his gentle touch. He buried his face in Shuichi’s chest so he could feel his heartbeat too. His heartbeat was moving pretty fast, just like Kokichi’s.
But it felt like his heart stopped when Shuichi started playing with his hair. He combed through every strand, slowly. Kokichi sank even more into his touch, tightening his grasp like he just told himself not to do.
“Your hair’s soft” Shuichi complimented, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Thank you, Shuichi! Your everything’s soft” Kokichi returned the compliment, not being able to focus on just one thing to compliment him on.
“What does that mean?” Shuichi chuckled.
“Just that you’re really comfortable” Kokichi explained.
He closed his eyes, just focusing on the way Shuichi’s hands felt in his hair. He gave the softest touches causing Kokichi to almost want to fall asleep in the middle of this cafeteria.
He just never felt this...safe before. And almost...cared for.
“I’m not gonna let go, y’know” Kokichi mentioned. He didn’t ever want to leave this comforting position they were in. Wow, he was clingy.
“That’s, that’s okay” Shuichi smiled.
Kokichi lifted his head to quickly kiss his cheek. His thoughts were so filled with Shuichi right now, he wasn’t really worrying about how weird it might seem for him to do that. Shuichi didn’t think it was weird at all, evident by the way he hesitantly kissed Kokichi’s forehead.
His heart soared at the touch. He hadn’t had a forehead kiss in…
He’s never had a forehead kiss.
This felt like he had just won the lottery, except the lottery was nothing compared to this.
Winning the lottery could never give him this hug. It was so filled with affection and warmth.
And it was given to him by Shuichi?! That makes it even better!
They stayed in that position for a while. They’d already finished their food and it’s not like they needed to be anywhere. It just felt way too comforting to be close to each other, they didn’t want to pull apart.
But they did once Kokichi realized that literally anybody could walk in on them right now. And he didn’t want anyone to ruin this magic moment between them!
“Hey, Shuichi, how about we cuddle in my room instead!” Kokichi proposed.
“Y-yeah, sure” Shuichi accepted. He was smiling and Kokichi noted that he wanted to see that smile more often.
“Ok!” Kokichi exclaimed, taking Shuichi’s hand and leading him to his room, which was quite a distance away. They lived in a sort of hotel that was entirely for Danganronpa participants, so there were a lot of rooms. Usually when going to his room, he’d think about the killing game and how many people had to suffer. But now, he had something much better in mind: the fact that when he reached his room he’d be able to be close with Shuichi again.
As they walked, Kokichi noticed that holding Shuichi’s hand felt really comfortable too. Though it was only a fraction of the comfort he felt during the hug.
“Your hand is warm” Kokichi pointed out. It wasn’t a bad thing, he actually kind of liked it.
“Ah, yeah. It’s probably because I’m nervous” Shuichi guessed.
“You’re nervous?” Kokichi inquired. He didn’t want Shuichi to be nervous, he wanted him to be more like, excited. Kokichi was nervous too, but still!
“Well, I’ve never really...cuddled with anyone before” Shuichi explained.
Yeah… that’s right.
Kokichi was too wrapped up in how nice these touches felt to actually realize what he was doing.
He was bringing Shuichi, the boy who has feelings for, back to his room to cuddle?
And they never did anything like that before! Before this, they only hugged that one time. And clearly, both of them were inexperienced with touch in general.
So, was Shuichi actually okay with this? Like he was actually okay with being that close to him? It wasn’t just Kokichi who liked it? Sure, Shuichi seemed happy but...
“Shuichi! I have a question” Kokichi announced. He had to make sure Shuichi was really okay with this and it wasn’t just his...feelings convincing him otherwise.
“What is it?” Shuichi asked.
“Why are you with me right now?” Kokichi questioned.
“Wh-what do you mean? You told me we could-“ Shuichi stammered, looking confused.
“No, no, I know that. But why'd you say yes?” Kokichi interrupted.
Shuichi went silent for a few moments. He seemed nervous, his face slightly blushed. Either he didn’t have an answer or he was working up the courage to say something.
“Because I wanted to cuddle” Shuichi explained, his voice slightly quiet.
He didn’t seem like he was lying, he was probably just embarrassed from the words he spoke. It was nice hearing that he actually did want to cuddle, but Kokichi had to confirm one more thing.
“With me ?” Kokichi inquired.
It was one thing to want to cuddle with someone. It was another to want to cuddle with someone in particular. Yeah, Kokichi wanted a hug in general, but it wouldn’t have felt the same from anyone other than Shuichi. He just wanted to know if Shuichi really did want to cuddle with him, or if he was just enduring his presence so he could feel something.
“Y-yeah, with you” Shuichi shyly admitted, covering his face with his free hand.
Kokichi's heart felt like it was on fire. It’s really nice to hear your crush say they want to cuddle with you. Plus, now he knew Shuichi was actually comfortable with doing this with him. Though he didn’t really understand why.
“Okay! That’s all I needed to know.” Kokichi squeezed his hand.
Soon, but not soon enough, they were at Kokichi’s door. He opened it and immediately remembered that his room was a mess. Shuichi didn’t seem to mind, though, and he walked over to the unmade bed.
Kokichi closed the door, trying to steady his heart from racing. He had done a good enough job not freaking out so far. But something tells him that if they lay face to face his streak will be ruined.
He went over to the bed, laying down. He felt Shuichi lay down next to him.
And immediately they were face to face. It was an understatement to say that he was internally freaking out.
He always thought Shuichi’s eyes were so pretty. And now that they were this close, he could really look into them.
Actually, they were so close that Kokichi could probably lean forward a little and kiss him right now. But he wouldn’t! Instead, he just moved in closer so he could hear Shuichi’s heartbeat again. Soon enough, he felt arms wrap around him.
Was it selfish to stay like this forever? He wanted to stay like this forever.
Shuichi’s hand returned to Kokichi's hair, moving softly and slowly through.
Did Kokichi deserve this? Did he really deserve to be like this? With everything he's done, he didn’t deserve Shuichi. He didn’t deserve this hug.
But...Shuichi wanted to be with him like this. Right? He said so.
And Kokichi couldn't pull away now knowing Shuichi liked it too. That would be unfair for him, right?
Kokichi felt Shuichi attempt to bring himself even closer. There was barely any space between them at this point. And it felt just so comfortable. He could hear Shuichi sigh in content and it made his heart flutter even more than it already was.
Yeah, this was for Shuichi’s benefit too, not just Kokichi's.
Jeez, this was crazy.
“Does this...mean anything?” Shuichi whispered, hands still moving through Kokichi’s hair.
Well. Uh.
Kokichi could guess what he was implying. He wanted to know if this was a romantic type cuddle, right?
But Kokichi didn’t know what to say. Was it?
“Hmm? mean what?” Kokichi whispered back.
“Like...something” Shuichi tried to hint.
Yeah, Kokichi had a crush on him. And the fact that he was willing to give him a hug when he needed it only fueled that fire. But he wasn’t about to confess his feelings when he didn’t know if Shuichi felt the same. He actually wasn’t even sure if he should let Shuichi feel the same. If he didn’t really deserve to be this close with him, why would he deserve anything more?
Kokichi moved so he could see Shuichi’s face. He looked nervous, but at the same time, content. “What do you want it to mean?” Kokichi questioned, his voice low and quiet.
Shuichi didn’t answer, looking too embarrassed to do so. Kokichi was about to encourage him to go on when he was interrupted.
Shuichi had leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips against Kokichi’s. He pulled away almost as soon as it started.
Woah.
Kokichi's brain is short-circuiting.
Shuichi just. Kissed him. He. kissed him. He. Kissed. Him. He kissed him. On the lips!
Yeah, there was no way Kokichi deserved this much.
“Kokichi, are you okay? I probably should’ve asked first-“ Shuichi rambled.
But he was interrupted when Kokichi leaned forward to give him a soft kiss as well.
Who cares if he deserved it? His crush just kissed him, the least he could do was kiss him back!
This kiss was longer, as Kokichi didn’t want to let go at all. He paid attention to the little things Shuichi did; how he kissed back slowly, how he moved to bring Kokichi even closer, how he hesitantly put his hand on Kokichi's cheek.
Kokichi really liked him. He knew he did, but this was just proving to him how smitten he really was.
Wow. Feelings. Scary. He didn’t know how he was exactly going to deal with this. But if this kiss was any evidence of where these feelings could lead to, he was willing to accept them for now.
Once he pulled away, Shuichi looked pretty shocked at this turn of events. And of course, Kokichi was too. He only wanted a hug, but he got so much more.
“Wow, Shuichi! I should’ve asked you for a hug so much sooner” Kokichi grinned.
“Y-yeah, um, does that mean that you….?” Shuichi wondered, his face entirely red.
“That I what?” Kokichi smiled.
“...you like me?” Shuichi breathed, avoiding eye contact as much as possible.
Well, that was obvious by now, right? Of course he liked him! What’s not to like? He especially liked Shuichi’s eyes right now, how they contained so much emotion, even though Shuichi was afraid of eye contact.
“Well, do you like me ?” Kokichi questioned. There was already a good chance that Shuichi did like him, considering he kissed him. But he wasn’t about to start celebrating until he knew for sure.
“...yeah” Shuichi confessed, looking nervous.
Oh
Shuichi liked him. He liked him. He liked him. He just said it. He confirmed it. He.
Oh my God.
“Why?” Kokichi monotoned, completely shocked at this confirmation.
“Wh-what do you mean why? You’re...so amazing.” Shuichi flattered.
Him? Amazing? Was Shuichi trying to kill him or something?!
His heart was exploding. He’s never felt like this before.
“What?! No, you’re amazing” Kokichi complimented.
He leaned closer and gave Shuichi another kiss. He couldn’t help it, Shuichi was just so absolutely incredible and he felt like his heart was going to die if he didn't express that in some way. Shuichi's lips were soft and he didn't know how to kiss that well, but it didn't matter at all. It still felt absolutely amazing.
Kokichi gently put his hand on Shuichi's cheek, pulling himself even closer. He felt Shuichi's hands in his hair still giving soft touches. They kissed slowly, paying attention to each other's movements and making sure the kiss was great for both of them.
Kokichi never wanted to part from him. But he did, admiring the smile on his crush’s face when he pulled away. He couldn’t get over how that was an actual thing he could do, but he was trying to act calm about it. Even though his blushed face was probably giving it away.
Wow, he’d usually never let anyone see him blush. But sure, he could make an exception for Shuichi!
Kokichi went back to his original position, his head tucked under Shuichi’s chin. He noted that Shuichi’s heartbeat was going considerably faster. It was still so comforting to hear, though. To know that he was really here. And this wasn’t some sort of dream.
He couldn’t take the smile off of his face. The hug felt even warmer now that they both confessed feelings for each other.
He really wanted to spend the rest of his life in Shuichi’s embrace.
“You’re so comfortable, Shuichi. I think I’ll just sleep here!” Kokichi announced, snuggling even closer.
He was tired. Probably because he doesn’t sleep as often as he should. And he wanted to see what it would be like to fall asleep in Shuichi’s arms.
“R-really? You want to?” Shuichi slightly gasped. He must have not been expecting that. Hopefully, he was okay with it.
“Mm-hmm. if that’s okay with you, I mean” Kokichi quickly clarified.
“Yeah, of course! I'll..I'll watch over you while you sleep” Shuichi promised.
Aww, that was such a cute thing to say. How is it that Kokichi is hearing those words, and from Shuichi of all people? He must be really lucky.
“Thank you, my beloved…” Kokichi yawned.
Kokichi fell asleep shortly. He couldn’t help it, Shuichi was really comfortable. The last thing he felt before he slept was Shuichi’s hands in his hair, moving slower than usual, probably to calm Kokichi down. He also felt Shuichi’s soft kisses against his forehead. And Shuichi watched him as he slept, still petting his hair.
Eventually, he fell asleep too.