Work Text:
[WORD OF AFFIRMATION]
Shi De’s a shy and reserved person by nature, he knows this. He also expresses his feelings in an equally quiet way, preferring to show his love through his actions and touches rather than words.
He loves Shu Yi so much and for so long that he guards his love so jealously, so closely to his heart. He has loved Shu Yi from afar, through his loneliness and tears, and from the quietest corners of his desolated heart; so, in a sense, this love is sometimes his even more than it is Shu Yi's. Of course , he's not going to be able to just say it casually. He also doesn't know how to put it into words most of the time. No words in this world can describe the magnitude of his love, his adoration, his fondness, and his devotion to Shi Yi.
It’s impossible for him to say it all so he shows it instead. Besides, he likes taking care of Shu Yi, likes making sure that Shu Yi eats well and sleeps well, likes leaning against Shu Yi, and holding his hands, and playing with his hair.
When he does tell Shu Yi his feelings, it’s small and private. He writes them for Shu Yi with ink and paper and tugs the letters into Shu Yi's book or laptop. He texts them to Shi Yi in the morning and at night before they go to sleep to ensure that Shu Yi knows he's loved and thought of. He whispers his love into the minute space between their lips like it's the secret of the universe, he presses them against the expanse of Shu Yi’s soft, supple skin, and sings them in the privacy of their own space where only they exist.
His love for Shu Yi is exclusive; it’s only for Shu Yi to know and experience
But Shu Yi isn’t like that.
Shu Yi is very verbal with his feelings. Very loud . He did spend a good minute shouting his confession at the top of his lungs for all the world to hear after all. And Shi De comes to understand that it's just one of the many ways that Shu Yi expresses his feelings and devotion towards him.
Still, Shi De goes red all over whenever Shu Yi just looks up from his book to say, 'I like you' or thanks him for the coffee and peeled shrimps with a ‘daisuki’. Sometimes, he just stares at Shi De for no apparent reason, and when asked why, his replies are always a variety of ‘I just want to look at my handsome boyfriend.'
One time though, Shu Yi refuses to sit next to him the entire day and spends most of his time glaring at him from across the table rather than studying or eating.
“Did I do something wrong?” Shi De asks eventually.
“No.”
Shu Yi is still glaring and obviously pouting now. Shi De raises a brow and tilts his head, “Then why have you been glaring at me?”
Shu Yi deflates and frowns for a brief moment before he straightens up and replies, “You’re too handsome today.”
Shi De instantly feels his cheeks heating up. It’s not the first time Shu Yi says this but it’s the first time he’s glaring at Shi De while saying those words. So, he prompts, “And that warrants your glaring because?”
"You're attracting too much attention."
Shi De's still confused.
“You’re my boyfriend,” Shu Yi explains, “I don’t want other people staring at you.”
“Most of them know I’m your boyfriend.” he quips back, his stomach fluttering uncontrollably.
“Well, there are some who don’t, so you should be uglier.”
“I thought you like the fact that I’m handsome?”
“I don’t like you for your face. I like you for how happy you make me feel, your face's just a bonus that comes with you being you,” Shu Yi says matter-of-factly and Shi De's heart flip flops in his chest. His knees are going weak and he might actually swoon if he's standing.
Shu Yi continues, “Be uglier, so people stop staring at you.“
Shi De is silent for quite a while, his ears ringing, “Are you jealous?”
It’s Shu Yi’s turn to blush and then he frowns like an angry cat. Definitely jealous then. Shi De suppresses a smile, feeling smug.
“Gao Shi De,” Shu Yi squints his eyes and holds his spoon threateningly, “You’re lucky I like you.”
Shi De snorts, cheeks aching from smiling too much, and slides his feet across the table so he can tangle his legs with Shu Yi's.
-
It takes quite a while for Shi De to stop blushing and sputtering every time Shu Yi verbally reaffirms his affection but he gets there eventually. And once Shi De starts to get accustomed to Shu Yi saying 'I like you' or calling him handsome, Shu Yi becomes even more casual about it. He’s practically shameless about it now; announcing it in front of his friends and dad as if he’s talking about the weather.
The first time it happens, they’re having a hot pot with Zheng Wen and Yu Xin. This time, it’s not of the spicy variety. There's a lot of heckling and pouting involved but Shu Yi agrees in the end, on the grounds that he gets to eat as many shrimps as he wants.
Yu Xin raises an amused brow and states, "We'll see how long you last this time, I'm not helping you peel the shell."
Shu Yi smirks and bumps his shoulder with Shi De's, "No need, my boyfriend's gonna peel them for me."
Yu Xin rolls her eyes as Zheng Wen shakes his head fondly. Shi De pointedly doesn't reply, which makes Shu Yi turn to pout at him.
"Gao Shi De," Shu Yi trails off, trying to be intimidating.
He's not. He's pouting . He's insanely cute when he pouts and Shi De has to refrain himself from leaning in to steal a kiss.
"Okay, okay," Shi De agrees finally, because Shu Yi's eyes can make him move mountains and drain the sea, "I peel them for you all the time anyway."
"I know," Shu Yi tells him, nose scrunching up as his smile widens, "that's why you're the greatest boyfriend ever."
Yu Xin fakes vomit while Shi De just smiles shyly, knocking his knee with Shu Yi's lightly to try and dispel his shyness.
“You’re so good to me, arigatou ne~” Shu Yi says with a blinding smile when Shi De starts filling his bowl with peeled shrimps. He waves one of it around with his chopsticks and adds absent-mindedly, “daisuki.”
Shi De can’t help but smile as his cheeks heat up.
Zheng Wen and Yu Xin both pause whatever they’re doing and turn to stare at each other. They have a whole conversation in the span of a second with their eye contact alone before Zheng Wen sneaks a glance at Shi De.
Shi De raises a brow and stares back at them. Shu Yi, once he registers the tense silence, also looks at his best friends with a raised brow.
“Nani?” he asks.
“Daisuki,” Yu Xin whispers not so subtly from across the table. It makes Zheng Wen turn to frown at her while Shu Yi instantly blushes.
Shi De fishes out another shrimp and looks between the three of them amusedly as he peels the shell. Shu Yi is getting progressively redder by the second and he shifts restlessly in his seats. So, Shi De stretches one of his legs out so that his thigh can brush against Shu Yi soothingly.
Shu Yi leans towards him and then he licks his lips once, twice, three times; his lips impossibly pink and wet. Shi De just wants to lean in and bites at his mouth.
When Shu Yi finally speaks, it’s in Japanese and it’s too fast for him to follow. He catches about three words though, the word for ‘I’, ‘boyfriend’, and, again, ‘daisuki’. He must be talking about Shi de then.
“Okay, okay,” Yu Xin agrees. It seems like she understands what was being said. She stares for a moment longer at Shu Yi before she turns her attention to Shi De. Shi De just stares back until she nods decisively and goes back to eating as if nothing happened.
“What… just happened?” Shi De asks and Zheng Wen clears his throat pointedly.
“Nothing,” Shu Yi tells him then gestures at the peeled shrimp with his chopsticks.
Shi De raises a brow, holding the shrimp away like it’s a hostage, “Didn’t seem like nothing.”
Shu Yi squints his eyes shrewdly, “Gao Shi De."
"Zhou Shu Yi."
Shu Yi rolls his eyes, "daisuki."
Zheng Wen slurps loudly from the other side of the table and Shi De blushes. He has to bite his lips to stop himself from smiling.
“Are you gonna say that every time you want me to peel shrimps for you?”
“I’m gonna say it whenever I want because it’s true,” Shu Yi replies and then leans in to eat the shrimp off of Shi De’s fingers.
They’re both blushing now and Yu Xin and Zheng Wen are pointedly not looking at them.
-
Yu Xin and Zheng Wen never react so… strongly to Shu Yi’s random declaration again after that. Bing Wei never reacts, to begin with, just looks between them confusedly before going back to minding his own business, so Shi De pushes the matter to the back of his mind.
-
The next time someone reacts so strongly to Shu Yi's 'daisuki' is Shu Yi's dad.
It's one of the weekends of their summer break and Shi De’s staying the night. It's not the first time he’s meeting Shu Yi’s dad and it’s definitely not the first time he's been to Shu Yi's house either but it's the first time he stays over.
It’s actually the first time ever that they're spending the night together and Shu Yi’s dad just happens to be home for the weekend. He’s in Japan most of the time, why would he just fly back to Taiwan for a weekend, unannounced?
Shi De thinks that it’s probably purposeful but just greets him respectfully. Meanwhile, Shu Yi stares at his dad balefully before he says something to him in Japanese and then tugs Shi De up to his room.
Shu Yi’s dad’s not ice cold with Shi De anymore but he’s not exactly warm and friendly either. Shi De’s the boy who dares to steal his precious son’s heart and he’s pretty sure he’ll get castrated if he breaks Shu Yi’s heart. Not that he ever will.
So, Shi De tries not to be left alone with him. When morning comes, however, that’s a different story because when he goes down to get some water, he’s dragged into eating one of the tensest breakfasts of his life with Shu Yi’s dad.
Shi De wakes up that morning from thirst. Shu Yi’s face tucked in the crook of his neck and his naked skin pressed against Shi De’s. He’s always thought that there’s an unbridgeable gap between them and yet here they are; so close that Shu Yi’s skin is his skin, Shu Yi breathes and he breathes, and the dreams in Shu Yi’s sleep cling to his lashes.
Shi De’s heart swells with indescribable happiness and he plants a long, sweet kiss on Shu Yi’s temple before reluctantly and quietly gets out of bed. He gives Shu Yi’s cheek another kiss before he goes down to get some water and maybe something for the both of them to eat.
And… Shu Yi’s dad is eating breakfast. It’s nearly 10:30… it’s already way past breakfast.
Belatedly, he thanks the stars that he pulled on a shirt before leaving the room. Although, it’s probably Shu Yi’s sleep shirt considering the fact that it’s a bit tight around the shoulder. He’s too nervous to look down and confirm his suspicion, not when Shu Yi’s dad’s drilling holes into his being with his eyes.
Shu Yi definitely learns how to glare from his dad.
“Come,” he finally puts down his tablet after a long while and gestures at one of the empty seats, “have breakfast with me, I’m sure you’re starving.”
Shi De feels his cheeks going up in flames and he says awkwardly, “I should go wake Shu Yi up.”
“Let Shu Yi sleep, he must be exhausted ,” he continues with a straight face.
Shi De can see where Shu Yi gets his demanding and teasing nature from.
He just stares for a moment, he’s pretty sure his face is blood red now, then he clears his throat and takes a seat, waiting to be served breakfast.
Waiting to be served breakfast.
It’s such a surreal experience. He serves himself breakfast if he wants to eat breakfast. However, in Shu Yi’s house, all he does to eat anything is to say that he wants to eat, do the eating, and occasionally pour himself and Shu Yi water.
It’s easy to forget that Shu Yi’s a young master when Shu Yi takes the train with him every day and walks around town with him like every normal human being. He still remembers how Shu Yi pulled up in front of his house in a Maserati.
Breakfast is just as tense. Shu Yi’s dad doesn’t say much and Shi De is too shy and conscious to look at him. And he eats awkwardly as well, not wanting to lean down too much at the risk of the shirt collar dipping and exposing all the scratches and bite marks Shu Yi put on his chest.
He’s thankfully safe when he hears a door shut from the upper floor of the penthouse and the sound of Shu Yi coming down the stairs.
“Ohayo,” Shu Yi mumbles sleepily, rubbing his eyes and pouting prettily. He’s also wearing Shi De’s shirt from last night.
Shi De pushes out a chair for him and Shu Yi opens his mouth to say thank you but is cut off by a yawn. Shi De snorts fondly.
"What's for breakfast?" He asks, peering into Shi De's bowl.
He's not sure what it is… something Japanese. So, instead of answering, Shi De just scoops up some soup and blow on it before feeding Shu Yi. Then he scoops up some rice and lotus roots for Shu Yi too.
They share food and tea, their legs tangled under the table, until Shu Yi's dad reproaches from the head of the table, "Wait for your own food, Shu Yi."
Shu Yi pouts but Shi De grins fondly, "It's alright, I don't really mind."
He turns to look triumphantly at his dad and says, "He said it's fine so it's fine."
Shu Yi's dad just rolls his eyes with fond exasperation and picks up his tea to wash down his breakfast. Shu Yi goes on, "Shi De's very good to me."
Then he turns to pinch Shi De's cheek and announces, "Arigatoune, daisuki."
Shu Yi's dad chokes on his tea, the drink spilling over the rim and burning his hand. He hisses, puts his cup down with a thud, and stares at them, not paying his wet hand any attention. Shu Yi straightens his back and returns the stare defiantly, one of his hands drops down to lay on Shi De's thigh. The father and son due just staring at each other for a few tense moments and Shi De sheepishly nudges the tissue box toward Shu Yi’s dad.
That garners him Shu Yi's dad's attention and the elder looks at him. Looks, stares, scrutinizes ; as if he's trying to find something. A good thing or a fault or whatever it is that Shu Yi sees in him.
Shu Yi's hand on his thigh squeezes lightly in reassurance.
-
That night, Shi De decides to do some research into ‘daisuki’.
He understands, to a certain degree, that it’s one of the many ways that Japanese people confess. He knows this much only because he tried learning the language on his own and through his consumption of the Japanese media. It started because he wanted to feel more connected to Shu Yi somehow but it never properly takes root in his education. He was too preoccupied with schoolwork and he was already taking English classes, it was just too confusing to learn two languages at the same time.
So, he turns toward the web for help because he can’t ask Shu Yi about it. And especially not Shu Yi’s dad. It takes a while but Shi De eventually comes to understand the connotation of ‘daisuki’.
“Great love,” Shi De says dumbly, staring at the words sprawling across his laptop screen, “I love you.”
He stares some more and then leans forward to squint at the words. They still remain the same, “Used between committed partners.”
Shi De can’t help but think back to that time on the bridge when Shu Yi steps onto the railing and shouted his confession at the top of his lungs.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you the most in the world.
Shu Yi said he loves Shi De.
Love .
Shi De’s heart feels so full he’s about to burst.
-
His fingers shake as he dials Shu Yi’s number and he’s crying.
-
[QUALITY TIME]
They keep the tradition of studying together. It's something Shi De forced Shu Yi into doing but they enjoy it so it stays. Plus, this is their time together. They might not be talking or holding hands or kissing but just being alone together, doing their own things in the presence of each other… it's so domestic and soothing.
Well, it’s calming when they study in public, that is, because, in the privacy of their own homes, they are constantly touching and not being very productive. Shu Yi insists on curling into Shi De’s chest on the couch when he reads his class materials or he’d drag Shi De to the bed and use Shi De’s lap as he scrolls through his laptop. Their private study sessions usually derail into make-out sessions that leave Shi De blushes every time he looks at his couch or desk or bed.
But that isn’t to say they’re always making out and not studying when they’re alone. They can be productive too in private, especially when exam season is near.
That’s usually when Shi De’s in a coding binge and Shu Yi has about ten deadlines and a billion tests to study for. During these times, Shu Yi doesn't even think to text because he's busy with reviewing and helping Zheng Wen with his assignments. Sometimes, he has to tutor his juniors too because Shu Yi's the best in his department and he's always willing to help. Shi De also forgets about texting or phone calls when his headspace is preoccupied with 1 and 0. There's only the thought of turning in the most pristine programs he can manage and meeting all of his deadlines.
So, usually in the evening, when Shu Yi doesn't have to tutor anyone, Shu Yi comes over unannounced to review his own materials or do his own assignments. Sometimes, Shu Yi’s alone on his bed, sometimes, Shi De joins in.
All thoughts of kisses and naked skin fly out the windows and they just sit side by side, legs pressed against one another comfortably. Their fingers occasionally brush as they reach for the snacks and share the same cup of tea. The only disturbances between them are the sound of pages turning and the clicking of the keyboards. The rustling of the bed covers and their clothes are soft and muted and they're like music to Shi De's ears.
-
Once, Shi De asks why Shu Yi goes to all the trouble to come over just to study when they can do it via video call and Shu Yi answers, “It’s not the same, you’re not really there.”
Shi De grins happily, like the lovesick fool that he is, and lightly bumps his head with Shu Yi. He gets shoved off the bed and topples onto his butt. He protests loudly and gets a reprimand in return, “Go back to your coding or whatever, I know you have two deadlines this week.”
Shi De just pouts and drags his laptop over to the bed so he can snuggle with Shu Yi while he finishes his papers. Ten minutes later, Shu Yi loops one of his hands into the nook of Shi De's arm, his fingers drawing patterns up and down the length of the limb.
Shi De enjoys it immensely, this domestic intimacy between them. There’s a different sort of closeness to just studying together and sharing complaints about their respective workload. It’s different from when they spend time together learning about each other's bodies and quirks. It isn’t all about the physicality of their relationship but the profound comfort that they provide for each other.
He doesn't think he can love Shu Yi more but it turns out that he can.
-
All sorts of intimacy come to a screeching halt during exam weeks however because exam weeks are always, always terrible, it doesn’t matter whether they're in their second year or third year. Shi De expects their fourth year to be even more hectic but he's hoping for less workload.
The thing about being a third-year is… they have to think about their internship as well. Finals are already awful for them both, but adding in the chaos of applying for internships into the mix and it was hell for the past two, three weeks. Shi De and Shu Yi actually haven’t text in three days and they haven’t seen each other for nearly a week.
Fortunately, Shi De wakes up from a long, long sleep after the last day of his finals to see Shu Yi lounging at the end of his bed.
“Hey,” Shi De croaks, throat impossibly dry.
Shu Yi looks up from the comic in his laps, a beautiful, sunny smile on his lips, then gets to his knees, rummages around for a bit before handing him a bottle of water. Shi De accepts it gratefully and drinks so fast he ends up choking. Shu Yi has to get onto the bed and pounds his back to help him calm down.
“How are you feeling?”
“A bit better now that I’m not choking to death and you’ve stopped pounding me like we’re having a boxing match.”
“Baka,” Shu Yi snorts fondly, “I meant in general.”
“Hmmm, I’m feeling great. Not tired at all.”
“Probably because you slept for nearly sixteen hours.”
“Huh, so that’s why I’m feeling refreshed.” Shi De muses, settling against the headboard and tugs Shu Yi closer.
Shu Yi rolls his eyes and slumps against him bonelessly. He sighs, "I'm glad you slept well."
Shi De hums, kissing the crown of Shu Yi's head, and asks, "Did you sleep well?”
Shu Yi snuggles closer, looping his arm with Shi De’s, and brushes his fingers over the back of Shi De’s palm. He just makes a noncommittal noise at the back of his throat and Shi De frowns.
“Shu Yi,” he begins soothingly, “what’s wrong?”
"Hmm? Nothing,” Shu Yi replies. He looks up briefly to give Shi De a quick kiss at the corner of his lips, “I just miss you a lot and wanted to see you so I came over,"
"When did you get here?"
"This morning."
It's nearly three in the afternoon now.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" Shi De asks, craning his neck down to look at Shu Yi's face.
Shu Yi just rubs his cheek on Shi De's shoulder and plays with his fingers, "You were sleeping… I wasn't gonna wake you up."
Shi De hums and flips his hand over so he can hold Shu Yi's. He squeezes lightly and, after a moment of silence, asks, "What should we do today?"
"We don't have to do anything," Shu Yi answers, "You're probably still tired."
"I slept for sixteen hours, I don't think I'll be tired in a long while."
“Aiyer,” Shu Yi exclaims, pulling back to look at him with amusement, “you just woke up, don’t be so naughty!”
“ You’re the naughty one,” Shi De chortles, “I said I’m not tired and you immediately thought of R-rated things!”
“Are you saying you don’t want to?” Shu Yi quips back.
Shi De’s brows rise into his hairline and Shu Yi continues to look at him smugly. In one swift movement, he kicks the cover off then rolls over to loom above Shu Yi and kisses his nose, his cheeks, his eyes, his jaws. Shu Yi giggles and surges up to slot his mouth against Shi De.
Shu Yi's kiss is exactly like how he is. He kisses and kisses and kisses like he can't get enough of Shi De. He kisses until he's gasping for air and even then he doesn't want to let go. He has his mouth pressed against Shi de and they exchange breath until they literally run out of air.
It's forceful, demanding, all in; because that’s how Shu Yi is, all in, and it's kinda cute.
Eventually, Shu Yi falls back onto the bed, pulling Shi De down with him because he has his arms looped around Shi De’s neck. His hair fans prettily around his face and Shi De leans down to kiss the corner of his lips.
“Your mom is home today, you know?” Shu Yi reminds him, his voice is barely above a whisper. The words are spoken like a secret into the small space between their lips, “And your wall is really thin.”
“Zhou Shu Yi,” Shi De snorts fondly, “You are very mean.”
Shu Yi giggles again. He pulls Shi De down and gives him another long, hard kiss, “You're the one who went and got excited all by yourself.”
“Your… enthusiasm says otherwise.”
“You were the one who attacked me first.”
“You were the one who suggested it.”
Shu Yi is silent for a while, a sign that he has nothing witty to refute, so he just sighs, “You’re lucky I like you so much.”
He really is .
Shi De bites his lips and collapses onto Shu Yi’s chest, nosing along the column of Shu Yi’s neck. One of Shu Yi’s arms moves down from around his shoulder to rest around his back and his hand rubs soothing circles into Shi De’s hips while the other plays with short hair at the back of Shi De’s neck.
It takes him a while to realize but Shu Yi smells like him. Shi De looks up, mouth going dry.
“You smell like me,” he says.
Shu Yi’s eyes waver, flickering briefly to the side. He’s also blushing, “I took a shower when I got here.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he accuses fondly and gets a tug on the roots of his hair.
“ You’re the ridiculous one.”
Shi De just hums happily and gives Shu Yi’s mole a kiss, “Do you want to do me the honor of being ridiculous together and take another shower with me?”
“Your mom is home.” Shu Yi reminds him once again and Shi De groans, falling back onto Shu Yi’s chest. Shu Yi laughs and continues, “You should shower and change though.”
Shi de looks up, “We’re going out?”
“I thought we could go camping.”
“Camping? Now?” Shi De turns to look at the clock, “I don’t think we’ll be able to set up the tent in time.”
“Technically, the tent is already set up,” Shu Yi supplies and Shi De blinks.
Then realization sinks in and he asks, “You already have everything planned, didn’t you?”
“You don’t want to?”
“No, it just kinda takes away the purpose of camping if we don’t set up our own tent and bonfire.”
“Okay, maybe camping isn't the right word...”
That catches Shi De’s attention and he looks up to squint at his boyfriend. Shu Yi worrying his bottom lips between his teeth for a moment and Shi De has to kiss him again to stop him from tearing the skin off.
“I may or may not have booked us a family camp at Camp Taiwan for the weekend.”
Camp Taiwan is always full. There’s usually a four months waiting period. How the hell did Shu Yi manage to book them a spot for the weekend on such a short notice?
"Shu Yi…" Shi De mumbles feelingly, "You didn't have to do all of that you know?"
'I know," Shu Yi agrees easily, cupping his cheeks tenderly, "but you've been so tired and stressed out with school and with our upcoming internship… I want you to just relax and have fun.”
He loves Shu Yi so much it’s ridiculous.
“Plus… we haven’t seen each other in a while and I thought it would be great to spend some time together,” Shu Yi says, his cheeks dusting pink, “Just us.”
Shi De smiles and Shu Yi bites his lips coyly, "We can do anything."
He can't help but laughs at the cheekiness, "You're telling me you booked us a room at a resort just so we can have uninterrupted sex."
"There are more delicate ways to put it," Shu Yi clicks his teeth in fake annoyance but his face is getting redder by the second, he pinches Shi De's cheeks, then goes on, "But we can do anything, we have the pool to ourselves and the climbing tower and the high ropes and the zipline."
"Shu Yi… Did you rent out the entire resort or something?"
"Not the entire resort… just the family camp part."
"You weren't even sure I'd say yes…"
"I can always cancel the reservation," Shu Yi says with a shrug.
"How did you even manage that? Camp Taiwan is always full."
Shu Yi quirks a brow and asks back, "Do you really wanna know?"
Actually, Shi De doesn’t want to know.
He’s better off not being aware of the amount of money Shu Yi must’ve spent for a weekend getaway in their own goddamn country. It’s generally better to not think of the price of things that Shu Yi gives to him actually, otherwise he’s gonna be spiraling into self-consciousness again.
“You’re ridiculous ,” Shi De says, his chest nearly bursting at the seam. Shu Yi rolls his eyes then flattens his palm and squishes Shi De's cheek. He quickly pushes up to kiss Shi De's puckered lips.
"So…" Shu Yi trails off pertly, "Are you going?"
"Of course I'm going," Shi De says. He'd go anywhere as long as Shu Yi asks him to, as long as Shu Yi is there with him, as long as he can make Shu Yi happy.
Shu Yi’s smile is beautiful and bright and he kisses Shu Yi until they’re both gasping and boneless again.
-
[RECEIVING GIFTS]
So, Shu Yi has a ridiculous amount of money and he flaunts them around without much thought in the form of expensive gifts to Shi De. In a sense, he’s not really flaunting his wealth because Shu Yi has always been surrounded by money. The numbers on the price tags don’t really register in his radar; if he likes them, he gets them, if he thinks Shi De will like them, he'll buy them, if Shi De so much as long at something for a bit too long, Shu Yi will just go and buy them.
Renting out a portion of a resort for the weekend is just one instance; there were many more before that and Shi De knows they'll be even more after that.
Initially, Shi De is uncomfortable with how Shu Yi just casually hands him the latest smartwatch or orders him a gaming chair even though Shi De explicitly told him he doesn’t game and doesn’t need it. He cracks his phone once and Shu Yi buys him a new phone instead of offering to change the screen or just buying him a case like a normal human being would.
A fucking phone.
Sometimes, Shu Yi buys stuff for his mom too. He just walks into Shi De’s house with bags of ridiculously expensive bags or luxurious shoes or hair clips that probably cost more than her entire wardrobe and beams, “I thought they’d look good on you!”
Shu Yi looks like an overexcited kid who just bought his first flower bouquet for his own mom. He smiles even brighter when Shi De’s mom accepts them and he never fails to compliment her when he sees her use the hair clips or carry the bags.
Shi De knows she only uses them when she’s certain that Shu Yi’s visiting.
“I think, in a sense, he sees me as his mom,” Shi De’s mom comments once, staring at the piles of shopping bags sitting in their living room.
Shi De thinks she’s telling him to propose to Shu Yi with that statement but his mom just laughs and clarifies, “You told me his mom passed away when he was very young, right?”
Oh.
"I'm probably the first adult woman she buys these things for, and I know how boys like to buy these things for their mom."
“Although, you should also propose to him.” she continues, half-joking and half-serious.
Shi De raises a brow, “Don’t you think we’re a bit too young to get married?”
“There’s nothing wrong with settling down at a young age… more time to spend together and more memories to make.” she says wistfully, “And you’ve been in love with him for so long, I can tell that you're very serious about him.”
His mom has always been a romantic at heart even if she’s a divorcee. She’s cynical about it but she also sees the world through rose-tinted glasses.
“I am,” he agrees easily. Shi De's been in love with Shu Yi for nearly fifteen years now and he knows he will love Shu Yi for fifteen more, twenty, thirty, forty, forever . Loving Shu Yi isn't just his feelings , loving Shu Yi is an integral part of his life, the puzzle piece that makes him whole, the golden threads that sew his being into place.
“But I don’t want to do that to him," he goes on, "We’re leaving next year, after all.”
His mom’s face falls, "Oh baby, I'm so sorry, you don't have to… I don't-"
“Mom,” Shi De cuts in. They've had this conversation before. It didn't change his mind then and it's not going to change his mind now, “I made you a promise.”
“I don’t want to keep you from your happiness.”
“You’re not, you’re my happiness too,” he counters, “besides, Shu Yi understands.”
She doesn't look convinced. So, he tries to smile encouragingly, and, for his effort, he receives a forehead kiss and an apology.
-
Shi De draws the line when Shu Yi randomly suggests they go to Gifu during their winter break.
“Sure, we can go next year or something,” Shi De agrees, leaning to look at Shu Yi’s phone screen.
“Or… we can just go this winter break.”
“You do realize I need to save up, right?”
“You do realize I can pay for both of us, right?” Shu Yi asks, a brow raised in amusement and Shi De heaves a sigh, staring at Shu Yi for a moment. He tries not to look around his room; at the chair, the phone, the bedsheet, the charging port, and the matching silk pajamas Shu Yi bought for them, for him .
When he tells Shu Yi that it makes him uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of such expensive presents for no apparent reason, Shu Yi grabs his hands and pulls him close until they’re squished together. He may or may not have been distracted by the passionate kiss but he’s insistent about getting Shu Yi to stop.
Except Shu Yi ends up convincing him to keep on receiving these gifts.
“Don’t make it uncomfortable,” Shu Yi says, “Money is nothing to me when it comes to you.”
Shu Yi states it so simply and easily as if it’s a universally accepted truth as if it’s about the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west
“But not this much,” Shi De protests.
"Shu Yi, I'm your boyfriend, not your sugar baby," Shi De reasons, and Shu Yi's mouth snaps shut with a click.
He stares for a moment, eyes searching and brows furrowed together, then he relents after a while, “Okay."
"Okay," Shi De echoes back.
“But you have to understand… all this,” Shu Yi gestures vaguely around Shi De’s room, “I bought them for you because I want you to be comfortable, okay? I want you to sleep well, I want you to sit well, I want you to have fun and be happy.”
“Okay,” Shi De says.
“I don’t know how to take care of you like you take care of me, this is the only way I know how.”
Shi De kisses him then, long and sweet and desperate; his hands supporting Shu Yi’s neck and back and his fingers massaging softly.
“I don’t hate them, Shu Yi, and I’m sorry if I made you think that I do,” Shi De says into his mouth, “I like them a lot, it just makes me feel self-conscious to receive so many extravagant gifts.”
"You make me so happy and I only ever want to make you happy in return," Shu Yi replies, "I'll tone it down, I promise."
Shi De kisses Shu Yi's mouth again then rests their forehead together, "Thank you, I'll try to get used to them too."
"You don't have to."
"I want to," Shi De clarifies, "I'm happy when you're happy and vice versa. I'm going to try."
Shu Yi smiles then, small and pretty, and they lace their fingers together. The rings around Shu Yi's fingers pressing into his like a brand, like a promise.
-
[PHYSICAL TOUCHES]
For all his bold declarations in public, his private affection, and over-the-top gifts, Shu Yi is quite reserved around other people when it comes to physical intimacy.
He's not physically intimate with Shi De when people are around but that isn't to say he's not physically affectionate. He is, he’s just subtle about it. He sneaks in a kiss when they turn down a corner and holds Shi De’s hand as he tugs Shi De everywhere he wants to go and hugs Shi De when he pleases. But Shu Yi doesn't cling to him in public, doesn’t do PDA; he’s his own person and he likes his space, Shi De understands that.
When they’re in public, he sits next to Shi De, but only close enough for their elbows to touch and their knees to knock against one another. Sometimes he sits in front of Shi De. They share food or play footsie under the table but they don't always hold hands on top. Usually, when they sit across from each other in the library, Shu Yi likes to reach over and write the kanji for ‘daisuki’ in the margin of Shi De’s book. In return, Shi De writes the English 'I love you' in his book.
Once, Shu Yi scribbles ‘daisuki’ on Shi De’s assignment paper and he blushes in ten different shades of red when he finds out that Shi De submitted the paper without erasing the word.
“You should’ve erased it!”
“It’s my paper, I can submit it however I like.” Shi De replies, earning a bump against the shoulder that nearly sends him toppling over.
“It’s not like the professor understood,” Shi De tells him fondly when he regains his footing and Shu Yi blushes even redder.
“The professor did her Ph.D. in Japan,” Zhe Yu supplies unhelpfully and Shu Yi glares.
“Oops?”
“Gao Shi De!” he hisses as if Shi De’s name is a curse word, and all Shi De can do is shrug. He glares at Shi De harder then he gets up and stomps off adorably.
The whole table is silent for a moment before Zheng Wen laments, “Shu Yi… still as wayward as ever.”
Bing Wei just shrugs before he nods frantically in the direction that Shu Yi takes off to and Shi De tries to suppress a smile. Seriously, Shu Yi is such a cat, Shi De thinks fondly and gets up to go after him.
-
There are other brief moments of intimacy here and there too. A hand on Shi De’s thigh, a palm on the small of Shi De’s back, his face pressed into the nape of Shi De's neck when his friends make him shy, a peck on Shi De's shoulder when he laughs so hard he has to lean on Shi De for support, a bump of his forehead against Shi De’s cheek when he finds Shi De annoyingly endearing.
They're quick, fleeting. They don’t linger but the gestures are more than enough to show the world that they're committed to each other.
And, although Shu Yi might not initiate physical affection in public, that isn’t to say he doesn’t welcome Shi De’s touches. Because, just like how Shi De understands and accepts Shu Yi’s words of affirmations, Shu Yi comes to enjoy the physical touches that Shi De initiates. He also doesn’t seem to mind that Shi De doesn’t articulate his feelings as much either. He understands that love from Shi De comes in the form of touches and actions.
So, he lets Shi De tugs him close as they walk to the train station and holds his hands when they walk across the lawn and eats off of Shi De’s hand during lunch. He even reaches down to play with Shi De's hands on his thigh from time to time and he learns to accept Shi De's weight against him when Shi De sneaks in a quick nap at the library.
Still, Shu Yi sometimes playfully avoids a kiss to the cheeks or shoves Shi De on the shoulder because he’s Shu Yi , he’s playful and teasing. But he always makes sure to come closer afterward and offers a kiss or pat to the butt or a quick hug around the torso.
Shu Yi’s like a cat. He’s cute and affectionate one moment only to be shying away from Shi De’s touch the next
-
And yet, when Shou Yi's around, Shu Yi suddenly doesn't understand the concept of personal space.
He sits so close to Shi De he might as well sit on Shi De's laps. He laces his fingers with Shi De's, clings to Shi De's arm, and tugs his chin on Shi De's shoulder. He refers to Shi De as 'my boyfriend' in every language he speaks when he talks about Shi De with Shou Yi and kisses Shi De at least once in front of Shou Yi whenever they happen to cross paths.
It's like Shu Yi's staking his claim and Shi De is endlessly flattered and amused. He likes it.
He adores Shu Yi; loves Shu Yi, so much, even more .
-
Shou Yi finds Shu Yi's possessiveness over Shi De amusing and hilarious at first. His cousin is… Shou Yi is complicated. He enjoys ruffling Shu Yi's feathers for some reason, a sign that he likes Shu Yi despite them not seeing eye to eye and always bickering.
At one point though, Shou Yi gets fed up with their PDA in front of him. That one point in time is the only time when they're in the infirmary because it’s Shi De , for once, who’s injured. Shu Yi slipped while rushing down the steps to get to him and they both fell because Shi De was taken by surprise. His forearm took the brunt of the force and kissed the ground.
Shou Yi stares at the bleeding scratch across Shi De’s forearm and then stares Shi De in the eyes. He’s pretty sure Shou Yi’s trying to tell him that he’s the stupidest person alive.
Shou Yi crosses his arms and raises a brow. Shu Yi shifts guiltily on his feet.
“Are you gonna treat it or not?” Shi De asks, raising his brow in return.
“No,” his cousin replies, shoving a tray of bandages, cotton, and disinfectant into Shu Yi’s arm. Shu Yi frowns but doesn’t protest, just tugs Shi De toward the many chairs in front of Shou Yi’s desk.
Shou Yi’s not treating Shi De because, according to him, Shu Yi looks like he’s gonna boil him alive if he steps closer to Shi De. He says, "You've been dating for two years, you should be over this honeymoon phase by now."
Shi De commends him for holding back for two whole years. But at the back of his head, he wonders why Shou Yi's suddenly bothered, wonders what's wrong for Shou Yi to comment on their intimacy in front of him when he's always been okay with it and sometimes even encourages it with his teasing. Shou Yis is a complicated man but he's constant, stable, he doesn't just suddenly have a change of heart.
"Never," Shu Yi replies, looking up from the wound across Shi De's forearm long enough to glare at Shou Yi, “get yourself a lover if you’re jealous of us.”
"Don't be haughty with me, young master," Shou Yi warns, his smile is all teeth, "or I'm gonna kick you both out."
"Don't be mean to me and my boyfriend!"
Shou Yi rolls his eyes so hard Shi De thinks he might have dislocated something. He replies, "Your boyfriend is my little cousin. I can be mean to him as much as I want because it's my job as his big cousin to bully him."
Shu Yi harrumphs and turns his attention back to disinfecting the scratch and bandaging it. It’s blissfully silent as he works, Shou Yi observing them from his desk like an annoyed cousin who’s forced to babysit little babies. In a sense, it’s true. Shi De was frequently left in Shou Yi’s care when he was a kid. He never really stops ‘babysitting’ Shi De even long after Shi De can be left to his own supervision.
“All done,” Shu Yi beams, planting a kiss on the bandage, and Shi De smiles.
“Thank you,” he replies, giving Shu Yi’s forehead a kiss. Shu Yi’s face tilts up and they slot their mouth together, kissing casually and enjoying the moment.
But their moment is interrupted rudely by Shou Yi, who bellows with mock-annoyance, “This is an infirmary, not a love hotel."
Shu Yi groans loudly and Shi De chuckles against his lips. He leans back to see Shu Yi pouting and frowning.
"The door's over there,” Shu Yi turns to glare at their resident annoying doctor, “You can always leave.”
"This is my infirmary."
“Doesn’t seem like, you’re not doing any healing or medical stuff.”
“I regret getting you two together.”
“You didn’t get us together, we got together on our own!” Shu Yi vehemently denies.
Shou Yi snorts, “Oh really? Because from what I recall-”
They’ve had this argument many times over the past two years and, by now, Shi De thinks he remembers their dialogue word for word. He lets them duke it out for a while though because it’s basically a form of bonding for them at this point.
After some more bickering between his boyfriend and his cousin, Shi De finally cuts in, "You know, we would've been out of your hair ages ago if you’d just fixed me up."
“You’ll be out of my hair when you finally leave for America this spring,” Shou Yi quips back and Shi De glares.
Shu Yi is quiet now, his fingers going stiff on Shi De’s forearm. Shi De glares harder and nods forcefully at the door.
Shou Yi rolls his eyes but says, “Fine, fine, I’ll leave.”
“Kiss each other better and send me a text when you finally leave,” he calls from the door by the door before shutting it with a dramatic flair of his coat.
Silence persists long after Shou Yi is gone, so, Shi de flips his arm over and takes Shu Yi’s hand into his. He rubs soothing circles onto the back of Shu Yi’s hand as Shu Yi gathers his thoughts.
It takes a couple more minutes before Shu Yi finally looks at him. His eyes are red and watery and Shi De leans in to press soft kisses at the corners of his eyes. He rests his forehead against Shu Yi’s, breathing in the air the Shu Yi breathes out, taking in his presence and his smell. He likes it a lot, it’s very soothing.
After a while, Shu Yi pulls back to look at him before he surges up to kiss Shi De like this is the last time they kiss. Shi De just sighs into Shu Yi’s mouth and parts his lips, letting Shu Yi roam around as he likes and stays for however long he pleases.
Eventually, he ends up with a lap full of Shu Yi and the taste of salt in his mouth. Shu Yi’s crying, he realizes belatedly and pulls back to wipe the tears away with his thumbs only to have Shu Yi kiss the digits.
“Shu Yi,” Shi De whispers and Shu Yi just pushes his face into Shi De’s waiting hand.
He just looks at Shi De for a while, his eyes are glistening and Shi De’s heart aches. He hates it when Shu Yi cries. He hates it, even more, when he's the reason why Shu Yi's crying. He loves Shu Yi so much, infinitely, endlessly , and yet he makes Shu Yi cry.
A moment passes then Shu Yi loops his arm around Shi De’s shoulders and presses his face into Shi De’s neck. His collar gets wetter by the seconds and all he can do is softly kiss Shu Yi’s neck and rubs his back consolingly.
“Your cousin is so annoying and I hate him with a burning passion,” Shu Yi announces after a long, long while. His voice is raw and scratchy but he seems to be much calmer now and Shi De is relieved.
“I’m only talking to him because he’s your cousin.”
That’s probably an exaggeration because Shi De has seen Shu Yi ‘hangs out’ in the infirmary many times. So, to say that Shu Yi hates Shou Yi would be a lie.
Still, Shi De just laughs and kisses Shu Yi’s collarbone, "Are you saying you love me enough to tolerate Shou Yi and his ridiculousness?"
Shu Yu draws back slightly to him in the eyes and says very seriously, "I’m saying I love you so much I'd do anything for you."
This time, it's Shi De's eyes that are watering. He lets out a wet snort and hides his face in the crook of Shu Yi's neck.
“I love you so much, Zhou Shu Yi,” Shi De tells him. He’s crying a bit and he’s pretty sure Shu Yi is aware of it because Shu Yi’s humming softly. One of his hands rubs soothing circles between his shoulder blades while the other ruffles his hair gently.
“I love you,” Shi De says again, this time in English. Shu Yi hums a happier tune into his ears.
“Daisuki.”
-
[ACT OF SERVICE]
The knowledge of Shi De leaving for the States has always been a touchy subject between them. Shu Yi accepts it but he’s not happy about it. Shi De isn’t happy about it either but he made a promise to his mom.
He loves them both. He can't choose.
Thankfully, Shu Yi understands that just because he’s leaving for a few years doesn’t mean he loves Shu Yi any less. It’s just that the thought of a long-distance relationship is difficult.
For him, who loves Shu Yi so much and for so long that it’s practically who he is at this point. Shu Yi isn’t just a part of his life, he’s the center of Shi De’s universe, the arrow that points north, the sail that will take him home. To part from him… even if it's for his mom, it's unbearably painful.
For Shu Yi too, because even though he hasn’t loved Shi De for long, he loves Shi De just as intensely, just as endlessly.
They only ever argued about it once but just as Shu Yi's obligated to stay in Taiwan for his family business, Shi De has a duty as the only son of his mother. Shi De can't selfishly ask Shu Yi to come with him and Shu Yi doesn't ask him to stay because he doesn't want to put Shi De in a difficult position.
Shi De has always said that he'd go anywhere and do anything for Shu Yi as long as Shu Yi asks, as long as Shu Yi is there with him, as long as he can make Shu Yi happy. And yet, when it really matters, Shu Yi couldn't even ask him to stay or ask him to not leave. When it matters the most, Shi De couldn't make Shu Yi happy.
So, as a way to cope, they don't really talk about it. It's unhealthy but it's the only way they both don't end up crying at the prospect of Shi De's inevitable departure. And, the closer the departure date is, the more Shu Yi's determined to ignore it.
Shu Yi still talks as if Shi De will still be in Taiwan with him next month to go to the arcade with him or to go to the lantern festival together next year. He also stops coming over to Shi De’s ever since he and his mom started taking care of the fixtures and fittings.
“It’s empty,” Shu Yi says, glaring at the blank spot where the couch they made out on used to exist, “I hate it.”
Shi De just pulls him into a long, tight hug and tries not to cry. He has to be strong for Shu Yi.
So, it comes as a surprise when Shu Yi shows up unannounced at his house a week before he has to leave.
“I’m here to help you pack,” Shu Yi says and Shi De blinks dumbly.
“I still have a week left before I have to leave.”
“Well, you’re gonna be staying with me this week so the sooner we finish packing the better,” Shu Yi explains and Shi De bites his lips.
“Or… you can just stay here the rest of the week.”
“You don’t have a bed anymore.”
“We have the whole house to ourselves though,” Shi De says, trying to lighten the mood, a teasing smile playing on his lips.
It’s true, his mom left a couple of days ago to sort out their accommodation in America. They have the whole house to themselves for the entire weak. A whole week of just them, alone, together, endless.
“But you’re selling it… I can’t come back to it.” Shu Yi says.
His eyes are wet and Shi De hates it because he’s making Shu Yi cry again. He only ever wants Shu Yi to be happy but he’s also the reason Shu Yi cries so many times. Shi De reaches out to take Shu Yi in his arms and sways them lightly in a consoling manner
The other continues, “I want our last days together to be somewhere I can go back to.”
He can’t help but tear up and he presses his cheek against Shu Yi’s. It’s as wet as his.
“I don’t care if we break my bed or whatever."
"You're going to have to throw it out if we break it."
"I can always have it fixed."
Shi De would rather Shu Yi sleep on the broken bed every night and remembers Shi De in his dreams. He'd rather have his wicked ways with Shu Yi on every available surface in Shu Yi's penthouse so that Shu Yi is reminded of him every minute of the day. So that Shu Yi will long for him as much as he will inevitably long for Shu Yi.
He loves Shu Yi, but he is also cruel. He’s made Shu Yi cried after all. And he will continue to make Shu Yi cry more, whether he wants to or not.
However, instead of saying all of that, he teases, "And give your household staff more things to gossip about?”
Shu Yi snorts, it's less wet now, "I don't care, they can even tattle tale to my dad if they want."
Shi De laughs at that, mouth open against Shu Yi's neck. Shu Yi sighs tiredly and goes on, "I just want to have you for however long I can before you leave and have you with me for however long I can after you leave.”
Shi De exhales shakily, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Shu Yi sniffles, his hands fisting the back of Shi De’s shirt tightly, “We all have our own separate lives and I get that.”
Shi De lets out a ragged gasp at the statement.
“And I knew but I just- I’m gonna miss you so much, that’s all.”
“I don’t want our lives to be so separated.”
“Me neither, but it is what it is,” Shu Yi mumbles before pulling back and wiping his tears away. He reaches up to wipe Shi De’s tears away too and Shi De takes a hold of his wrist.
There are ways to keep our lives together though, Shi De thinks desperately, grasping onto straws, and presses an open mouth kiss to Shu Yi’s palm.
Shu Yi leans in to give him a peck before withdrawing, “We really should start packing now if we want to leave before nightfall.”
“Yes, yes,” Shi De agrees, “anything for you my darling.”
Shu Yi turns to squint at him in warning, his eyes are red-rimmed and watery, and, in the dim light that makes Shu Yi’s eyes sparkle like diamonds, Shi De thinks again: there are ways to keep their lives together.
-