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Morgan stepped on the scale and waited. She watched the line move around as it figured out her weight. She had removed all of her clothes in the effort to see a smaller number. The number flashed on the screen and Morgan sighed 124 pounds. She had gained two pounds somehow. This was awful.
Morgan quickly got into the shower though and avoiding looking at herself as much as possible. She went to get dressed pulling out leggings and an oversized sweater. She didn’t want her friends to know she had gained some weight.
“Mo! Let’s go! I’m driving you to school!” Tony yelled up the stairs.
“Coming!” Morgan grabbed her backpack and headed downstairs.
“Morning Kiddo. I packed you a bagel and your lunch.” Tony passed her the bag of food.
“Oh. Umm. Thanks.” Morgan took the breakfast and lunch she knew she would never eat. She now needed to drop two pounds.
~
“Morgan, let’s go try on dresses for the winter formal after school!” Lauren told her during lunch where she sat sipping water. She had left her lunch in her locker.
“Oh, I don’t know—“ Morgan didn’t want to tell her she didn’t want to try on dress right now. She needed to lose the weight first. She needed to be able to maintain keeping the weight off.
“COME ON! YOU HAVE TO COME! Besides you’ve been working so hard to lose those extra pounds. Remember when you used to eat that junk for lunch? Crazy. Bread is so last year. I do the KETO diet.”
“Yeah. Crazy. KETO is way better.” Morgan smiled.
“Did you hear about Felicity?” Lauren asked taking a bite of her salad.
“No?” Morgan glanced up from the table looking at her friend.
“She got fat on vacation.” Lauren whispered.
“What do you mean?” Morgan frowned.
“She had to buy size four jeans.” Lauren snickered.
Morgan frowned. She was barely fitting her size 0 at this point. She really needed to lose the weight before anyone else noticed, “Oh. She’d better fix that before the dance.”
“Totally.”
~
Morgan walked through the store with Lauren who had told Felicity she couldn’t come until she lost the extra weight. Morgan grabbed a couple of dresses that she thought might hide the extra weight. She followed Lauren to the dressing rooms.
“Alright, let’s change and come out to show each other!” Lauren clapped and headed to one of the rooms.
“Oh. Yeah. Okay.” Morgan headed into one of the rooms and pulled on the short metallic looking dress. She tried not to look at her stomach in it. Morgan glanced at her face in the mirror though—When did her face get so big?
“MORGAN!” Lauren yelled.
“Coming!” Morgan stepped out of the room.
Lauren looked beautiful in her white skin tight dress with her long blonde hair, blue eyes, and tan skin. She was perfect.
“You look beautiful!” Morgan gushed.
“You look—“ Lauren frowned, “Did you gain weight?”
“Oh umm. No. I’m bloated from all that water.” Morgan lied.
“Makes sense. Maybe cut back on how much water you take in?” Lauren pointed out.
“Oh. Yeah.” Morgan agreed.
“You can pay for these dresses, right?” Lauren tossed over her shoulder as she went to go change.
~
Three weeks later Morgan came downstairs on a Saturday, “Hey mom? I’m going to Peter’s. MJ’s outside!”
“Okay, sweetie! Have fun!” Pepper turned away from her computer to give her youngest her full attention, “Wait, Mo. You look really good today.”
Morgan smiled. She had dropped down to 118 pounds, “Thank you!”
“Be safe! Make good choices. Love you!
“Love you too!”
~
MJ stopped at the Starbucks, “Let’s go in.”
“Oh, I don’t umm have any money.” Morgan thought of the first lie that made sense to her.
“Did Tony stop giving you an allowance?” MJ frowned at her sister-in-law.
“He just forgot. You know how he gets when he’s focused on something. He’s been working on a project.”
“Well my treat then.” MJ squeezed her shoulder gently, “Order whatever you want.”
“Oh. I’m not hungry. I’ll just get water.” Morgan told her.
“Okay. You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
~
Morgan stood up to go use the restroom later that day and the world spun. She reached for the couch.
“Morgan? What’s wrong?” Peter jumped up to help his sister sit back down, “Are you sick?”
“Hmm. No. I stood up too fast.”
“Morgan. I know a lie when I hear one. What’s going on?” Peter demanded.
“I guess I didn’t eat enough today.” Morgan told her brother.
Peter sighed, “I’ll make you something quick.”
“No!” Morgan heard the terror in her own voice and it caused Peter to pause.
MJ glanced up from her book she had been reading on the couch, “Pete, honey. Can you go get my favorite sweater from the car?”
“Right now?” Peter glanced over at his wife in confusion.
“Now.” MJ nodded.
“Yes dear.” Peter stuck his tongue at her and looked at Morgan, “We’re not done.”
“How long?” MJ asked quietly.
“How long what?”
“How long have you been struggling with food? Is it just food or weight?” MJ asked studying her sister.
“I’m fine.” Morgan snapped.
“Morgan, you have to eat. Your body stores fat if you don’t.” MJ explained, “It’s like a defense mechanism.”
“WHAT? That can’t be true.” Morgan pulled out her phone and started googling it.
“Now what are you going to do? Eat just enough to trick your body? Keep up with this form of self harm until someone else notices? What’s your plan?” MJ questioned further.
“I can’t gain the weight back, MJ. I can’t. I’ll do better. I’ll eat more. I’ll just keep it healthy I swear!” Morgan told her, “Don’t tell anyone.”
“You’d better eat, Mo.” MJ warned.
~
Morgan laid in bed one night listening to her stomach growl. It would stop. It had to stop. When would it be enough? When would she be able to stop going to bed hungry? She felt tears leak down her cheeks.
She climbed out of bed and went down the stairs of the cabin knowing she would find her dad awake working on a project. He sat on his Stark Pad in the dining room, “Daddy?”
“Mo. It’s late. You have school tomorrow.” Tony glanced up at his fourteen year old.
“I know. I umm need your help.” Morgan’s voice cracked, “I’m in trouble.”
Tony put down his tablet, “What’s wrong? Whatever it is—We can fix it?”
“Umm I think I hate myself.” Morgan put her face in her hands while she starts to cry, “I don’t know how to stop hurting myself anymore.”
Tony got up and pulled his fourteen year old into a hug, “Okay. Bug. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
Morgan cried, “I keep trying to keep the weight off because Lauren is obsessed and she won’t let you be friends with her if you aren’t a size 0 and I keep gaining and losing and gaining again and I never EAT more than one meal a day so how am I gaining?”
Tony was out of his depths. He was better equipped for a Spider-Man crisis, but his daughter needed him now. NO time to overthink it, “Mo. Beauty isn’t based on a number.”
“Maybe not for guys.” Morgan told him, “But society has so many expectations for women. You can’t be too heavy, or too skinny. If you don’t wear make-up you’re a prude but if you wear too much you’re a slight. You can’t have a bad hair day or eat junk food because you will be judged. I’m so tired of trying and failing, Daddy.”
Tony tightened his hold on his daughter. He wanted to take this pain from her, “We’re going to get you some help, Mo. I promise.”
“I’m so hungry.” Morgan told her dad.
“Juice pop?” Tony teased, “After a grilled cheese?”
“I’m old, dad. I don’t eat juice pops anymore. I also don’t want a grilled cheese. That is way too many carbs and I didn’t work out today.” Morgan explained starting to pick at the string on her sweatshirt.
Tony lifted her chin up, “You don’t have to earn food.”
“But—“
“You don’t have to earn food.” Tony repeated.
Morgan felt tears trail down her cheeks as she nodded following her dad to the kitchen.
~
Peter sat with his dad on the deck, “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”
“You knew?”
“MJ figured it out. She told me she was keeping an eye but turns on Mo’s good at hiding things.” Peter sighed, “Sorry, we should have told you. We thought it was an isolated incident because of the dress and that she was doing better.”
“Not your fault. I should have know something was wrong with my kid. I’m normally so in tune with you too.” Tony tossed a stone at the frozen lake.
Peter shivered, “Like how you know I prefer the outside even when it’s cold?”
“OR the fact that I know that Morgan says she’s too old for juice pops but they always get added to the grocery list.” Tony winked over at him, “But I missed that my baby was drowning.”
“You know what you did?” Peter pulled his jacket tighter around himself, “You created a safe enough environment for her to come tell you she wasn’t okay. She knew she was in over her head and she went searching for you because you’re safe. You never yell at us when we struggle. You just get into our sinking boat with your bucket and ask where you should start dumping out water?”
~
Morgan pulled out her lunch a month later. She opened the salad her mom had packed her and pulled out the sandwich. She grabbed her fork taking a shaky breath before lifting the first bite to her mouth. She repeated the words her family told her every day, “I don’t have to earn food.”