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Aoi Asahina was great at falling asleep. She could take a nap nearly anywhere, regardless of noise or light or uncomfortable position. If she wasn’t such a brilliant athlete, she would’ve made an excellent Ultimate Sleeper.
As Hina lay awake, staring at a tiny crack in the ceiling as though it had personally offended her, she silently asked whatever unforgiving god was up there why tonight was so different.
It wasn’t even that late – around 9:50, not even technically nighttime – but she’d been trying to fall asleep for far, far longer than that. She felt almost twitchy. Something hummed through the air, something electric and dangerous. Something that kept her from closing her eyes without seeing shapes behind her eyelids that just might be a figure standing over her-
Hina snapped her eyes open. This wasn’t working. What did people do when they had trouble sleeping? Vaguely, she remembered Celeste off-handedly mention chamomile tea in the kitchen. That was good for sleep, right? Maybe… maybe she could just pop down, make some tea, and take it back up to her room. If she went fast, maybe she’d even avoid breaking the nighttime rule. Unless someone else was outside, waiting for her…
Nope! Screw tea, Hina would be just fine here.
A minute passed. Two minutes. Finally, the nighttime announcement went off, and Hina was still awake. Groaning, she rolled out of bed. She needed to move, and her room wasn’t going to cut it. She’d go to the kitchen, get some tea, and then never leave her room at night again. If someone chased her, she’d throw hot tea in their faces and lock her door. She’d be safe. She’d be fine.
Before she could second-guess herself, Hina opened the door to her room and stepped outside. Something about the darkened, empty school felt eerie. Wrong. Like she shouldn’t be here.
“Wow, didn’t think you’d crack first!”
Hina stifled a scream as she whipped around to see Monokuma, leaning up against the wall, face fixed in his usual half-grin. He regarded her with as much interest as he regarded anything, as though she were an important match in a game he didn’t much care for.
“I mean, I thought the biker guy was the obvious choice,” Monokuma continued, “but this is a delightful twist! Who’s it gonna be, huh?”
“I- what?” Hina shook her head, wishing more than anything she could just go back in her room and never speak to him again. Something about the rattle of his voice physically stung her, like nettles underneath her skin. It was unbearable. “I’m not going to kill anyone, I just… I just needed some tea.”
“Oh.” Monokuma looked genuinely disappointed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I’d grouped together a bunch of pacifists! You bunch are no fun at all.”
“I…” What was Hina supposed to say? What was the script here? She wanted to kick and scream at the stupid bear until it agreed to let her go, but she’d seen what had almost happened to Mondo. She wasn’t that much of an idiot. “I just want to go get some tea. That’s all.”
“Ah, ah!” Monokuma stepped neatly in front of her. “It’s nighttime, dontcha remember? The dining hall’s closed.”
To her horror, that seemed to tip Hina over the edge. She was angry and scared and frustrated and tired, and realizing that even her half-baked scheme to get some goddamn tea was falling apart was just enough to form tears in her eyes. She wiped them away with a little too much vigor, poking one of her eyes as she did, but more followed.
Monokuma formed an approximation of a ‘sympathy’ face. “Oh, wow, this is really getting to you, huh?” Sniffling, Hina nodded, figuring that if she played the cute, pathetic girl hard enough, maybe she’d at least avoid getting herself exploded. Monokuma giggled, before seeming to remember that he was playing at ‘sweet kind murder bear’ and rearranging his expression into something more charitable. “Well. I am nothing if not a generous headmaster, and bending the rules is my favorite activity. Here ya go!” With a flourish, the bear pulled from his – pockets? Legs? Pocket dimension directly behind him? – two crisp slips of paper. On each, in big, messy letters, was inexplicably written:
Hall pass!
Good for: one night!
Grants access to: The dining hall!
“I, uh… thanks?” Hina tried not to make it too obvious that she was checking for explosives, or maybe poison in the ink.
“No problem, kid! Anything for my favorite student!”
“You mean, anything to make things more interesting?”
Monokuma did his best approximation of a sweeping bow. “Guilty as charged!”
“I only need one, though.”
“I’ll leave you with the second one, in case you change your mind and want to take someone with you…”
“I’m not going to kill anyone!”
“Alright, alright!” Monokuma raised his hands in defeat. “Jeez, so uppity, all of you. Can’t take a joke. Well, I’m gonna get outta your face. If my intuition is correct – and it usually is – something very entertaining is taking place elsewhere, and I don’t wanna miss out on the action!” Laughing (he had a strange laugh, one that hurt just as bad as his voice), he seemed to just pop out of existence. Hina collapsed against the wall in relief, bouncing her leg so hard it shook her entire body, murmuring thankgodthankgodthankgod under her breath until she could breathe again.
She considered going back into her room, but after surviving a nighttime encounter with Monokuma, she felt as though she’d earned some tea. Still, hearing that something ‘entertaining’ was going to happen soon made Hina nervous. Surely Monokuma didn’t mean anything really bad, right?
Maybe Hina could ask a friend to come with her. Just to get some tea. Did that sound suspicious? Would whoever it was think she was planning on killing them?
Was she planning on killing them?
She had family, and friends, and competitors, and matches to go to. She had people who she missed, and some of them could be gone if she didn’t get out of this alive. But to take one of her classmate’s lives was such a horrible concept that she could barely stand it. How would she pick? Would she kill someone smart, so that getting through the trial might be easier? Someone weak, so that she would be sure to get through it? Someone irritating, so she at least wouldn’t feel quite as bad?
Hina shook her head. She wasn’t a murderer. But maybe having someone with her tonight wouldn’t be so terrible. If they didn’t trust her, she could just leave.
Hina started for Makoto’s door. He was probably the most trustworthy person here, if only because she wasn’t entirely sure he was capable of murder. He was also, incidentally, the least likely person to bail on her. But as she approached the door, she noticed that it was slightly ajar, and she could almost hear voices. Quickly backtracking to her room again, Hina stood in the hallway, lost for ideas. Makoto was busy; she didn’t want to intrude. Who else was there? The only person she was sure would join her was probably Hifumi, and she’d frankly rather die.
Hina stood outside her door, thinking. She could try Chihiro… but, then, if she wanted to bring someone along for protection, she’d probably be better off going alone than with Chihiro. Taka would tear her to pieces for being up past 10. Junko was too loud and irritating, Mondo was more risk than he was worth, and-
Hina turned to glance at Sakura’s door, almost against her will. Maybe it was just laziness, since Sakura was right next to her, but… huh. She couldn’t deny that she had been curious about Sakura for a while. She’d never worked up the courage to have an actual conversation, but wasn’t this as good of an opportunity as any?
Before Hina could stop herself, she knocked on the door. Act cool act cool act cool-
“Hina?” Hina looked up to see Sakura’s huge frame, towering over her. “It’s past 10, what are you doing here?”
“I… I couldn’t sleep,” Hina admitted. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about everything that’s happening, and I was trying to close my eyes but I kept getting scared, so I figured I’d get some tea, and then Monokuma-” She stopped, sighing. “I just… I really don’t want to be alone right now.” She looked up hopefully. Sakura’s expression was unreadable. “I have passes to get us into the dining hall. I promise I won’t kill you. That sounds… really murder-y now that I say it out loud, but still.” When Sakura didn’t respond again, Hina felt irritation bubbling up in her chest. “You can just say no, I don’t-”
“No, I’ll go with you. I just… don’t get why you’re asking me.”
Hina bristled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“We aren’t friends, are we?” There was nothing unkind in Sakura’s voice. It was a genuine question. “We’ve barely spoken.”
“Well, yeah, but…” in truth, Hina wasn’t sure how to answer Sakura. She didn’t know what had compelled her to knock on her door, she’d just done it. “I want to be your friend!” She blurted out the words before she had time to think them through.
Sakura blinked. “You… do?”
“Yeah!” Hina tried for a smile. “You seem cool, and we’re sort of the resident athletes- not that I only want to talk to you because you’re an athlete, you just- well, I-”
“Slow down.” Again, her voice was surprisingly gentle. “Start again.”
Hina took a deep breath. “I would like to get to know you better. This whole mess seems so full of secrets and mysteries and lies, and you just seem… I don’t know, genuine. Real. Honest.” It was, she found, true. She wanted to know Sakura better. What she didn’t know was why.
Sakura shifted uncomfortably, suddenly unable to meet Hina’s eyes. “Why now?”
“I find that the best bonding experiences are the ones you least expect!” Hina had pulled that directly from her ass, but it sounded suitably wise, so she just smiled winningly and nodded as though it were some kind of famous quote.
Sakura, surprisingly, cracked a smile. “I’ll go get tea with you. Does that make you happy?”
“Ecstatic!” Hina flashed a grin, hoping she didn’t sound like a complete idiot, before turning on her heel and leading Sakura to the dining hall. Now that she wasn’t alone, the darkened hallways somehow didn’t seem so foreboding anymore.
They reached the dining hall, and found it completely unlocked. “Man, Monokuma wasn’t kidding,” Hina said softly. “I sort of figured this was an attempt at a… joke, or something?” She pushed open the door and held it to let Sakura in. Sakura followed her lead, not responding. The entire situation was strangely uncomfortable, awkward. Did Sakura think Hina was going to kill her? But then why would she agree to come with her? Hina went to the kitchen to make her tea. Sakura waited patiently in the dining hall, leaving Hina feeling watched. She came out with the tea (two cups, one of which Sakura accepted with gratitude), determined to make some kind of conversation.
“Uh, so… do you, uh, have any hobbies besides martial arts? Or, I guess, did you?” They sat down at a table. Again, Sakura remained silent. Again, she felt herself getting irritated. “Look, I really… I appreciate you coming with me, but if you aren’t going to answer my questions, just go back to your room and forget this ever happened.”
Sakura, to her credit, looked somewhat ashamed. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry, I just… what was the question?”
Maybe this was a mistake. “I asked if you had any hobbies besides… y’know, fighting and stuff.”
Sakura relaxed. “Oh. Yes, a few. I really used to like knitting.”
Hina whipped her head around. “I… really?”
“Don’t sound so surprised, it’s a great way to focus my energy.” Was it Hina’s imagination, or did Sakura sound almost embarrassed?
“Yeah, sure! I don’t think I could sit still long enough to make anything real, but I think it’s impressive that you can!” Hina was rewarded by a real grin from Sakura (who, her brain bizarrely took that time to mention, had a nice smile).
“It’s all about training, just like everything else. After a while, there becomes a sort of pride in finding your rhythm, sticking to it, and watching something appear out of thin air. There’s something really special about knowing you made that, I suppose. And maybe it’s messy, and a few of the loops are tangled, and you've been knitting backwards for a row so you need to start that part over, but it’s yours.”
Hina found that she wasn’t quite sure how to respond. This was a new Sakura: Neither confident nor quiet, but warm, open, passionate. There was something strangely sweet and nostalgic about it, in a way Hina couldn’t quite define.
Sakura turned to look at her. “What about you? Any hobbies?”
“Oh, yeah, tons!” Hina started thinking, pulling at her fingers as she listed off names. “Painting, singing, baking, acting – don’t ask, it was a nightmare – playing video games… I picked up the flute for a couple years… tried to get into journalism, but that didn’t really stick… I like things that I can feel, you know? Like, there’s something really comforting about feeling the slide of a brush against canvas, or the cool metal of a flute, or the click-click of a video game controller. Or, obviously, being in water. That’s really why I picked swimming above everything else.” She knew she was talking too much (and too loud), but she couldn’t really stop. “There’s… okay, so, when you’re… doing laps, or starting a race, or- or just swimming for fun, there’s a moment, right before you push off the side of the pool, where everything just comes into sharp focus. The feeling of the wall against your hand, the slight pressure of the water, the exact temperature of the air… everything’s real, and here, and indisputable, y’know? And then you push off, and the world does a total flip. Suddenly, all that’s suspending you is the water, and you feel… weightless. Dreamlike. Celestial, almost. It’s like flying.” She shook her head. “Writing seems too impersonal. I can never stay focused. There’s nothing to really keep me grounded.”
“That makes sense,” Sakura said quietly.
“I know it’s weird, but- it does?” Hina was genuinely surprised.
“Yes.” Sakura didn’t elaborate, but somehow she didn’t need to. Something warm blossomed in Hina’s chest, leaving her unsure how to respond.
Well, shit. Hina knew she fell way too hard way too fast, but this had to be a new record.
“You okay?”
“Uh… yes.” Hina nodded vigorously. The last thing she wanted to do was scare Sakura away. “I’m just still freaked out, I guess. This is… I mean, it’s a lot, right?”
“Yes, it is.” Sakura’s lips (shut up, brain) were pressed together so tightly the skin around them turned nearly white. “And it’s too easy to feel like you’re stuck here with no purpose, right? To feel aimless.”
“Exactly!” Hina leaned forward to emphasize. “I just want to move. I’m going crazy stuck in here.”
“If…” Sakura paused. “If you wanted, you could come spar with me.”
Hina whipped her head around, gravity-defying hair floating as she turned. “Really? Are you- are you sure? I don’t wanna intrude if you’re…”
“I’ve actually wanted a partner for a while,” Sakura assured her. “Granted, I’d usually rather spar with someone my own size, but… I wouldn’t mind going easier. If you wanted.”
“You think I couldn’t take you?” Hina teased.
“I know you couldn’t.” Sakura smiled quickly (uh oh). “Come on, it’ll be fun. I’d be glad to have you.”
Before Hina could think too hard on that, the doors burst open. In the doorframe stood Sayaka, staring wide-eyed at the two of them.
“I, uh… I thought I’d have to force my way in.” She sounded vacant, as though she were only half there.
“Uh… yeah, bud, I got it open, but I- I think the rule’s still in place, so I don’t know if you’re allowed in here.” Sayaka’s face seemed to collapse in on itself, as though she no longer had the strength to keep it from sliding into an expression of pure pain. Jesus, what was up with her? “Uh, hey, wait.” Hina ran to her and slipped her the hall pass. “Just walk in, give me that back, and then get out, and technically it shouldn’t be illegal. Monokuma didn’t specify that only one person could use the pass, right?”
“You were the only one there. Did he?” Sakura’s voice rumbled from the table, tone laced with something dangerous. The message was clear: Something’s weird with Sayaka.
“Uh, nope!” Hina stepped aside to let Sayaka in. “It should be fine!”
Eyes slipping back into a vacant neutral, Sayaka passed Hina into the kitchen. Hina turned to Sakura, raising her eyebrows and flicking her gaze in the direction of Sayaka. Sakura nodded, and Hina unconsciously moved to sit next to Sakura. On a whim, she grabbed her hand. Sakura froze, before reciprocating the gesture. Neither of them said anything, but Hina was half-afraid Sakura could feel her heart beating through their palms. Unconsciously, Hina began tapping her foot against a chair, attempting to calm down.
Okay, so maybe Hina had developed something of a warp-speed fascination turned crush on Sakura. Developed it… really, really quickly. Was it because she’d been around the same fifteen people for a week? Was it really that Sakura was super pretty and seriously jacked and had really cool hair?
Or maybe it was just that she understood Hina, and didn’t laugh or poke fun when she said something weird or spoke too loud or felt like she couldn’t get her energy out fast enough, and genuinely listened when she went on a tangent about something small. Maybe talking to Sakura felt easier than talking to most people. Maybe it was nice to feel like someone at this school didn’t see her as the resident idiot.
Sayaka returned from the kitchen, clutching something in her hand. “Uh…” At the sound of Hina’s voice, Sayaka nearly dropped whatever she was holding. “Whatcha got there, Sayaka?”
“Huh?” Sayaka looked scared. “Oh, I-I… I heard someone knocking on my door.” The way she said it, it almost sounded like something she’d been repeating to comfort herself. “I wanted protection. So I came down here and got this.” She showed her hand, and Hina took a sharp inhale at the sight of a long sharp kitchen knife. “I just… I’d feel safer if I had something in my room with me.” She nodded once. “I’m… tired. I’m going to go to bed. I… good night.” She walked out of the room, dropping the hall pass on the table as she left. Hina moved closer to Sakura, and Sakura wrapped her arms around her without question. They both froze for a moment, surprised, before relaxing into the hug.
“She seemed weird, right? Like… that wasn’t just me? Something’s up with her.” Hina bit her lip. “To be honest, it kind of freaked me out. This whole night has just felt off.”
“I expect she is afraid. We all are, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, I know. I just hope whoever was trying to get into her room doesn’t come back. Jeez, you’re a good hugger.” The last part slipped out unbidden, but Sakura just laughed.
“Lots of practice from putting my enemies in chokeholds. Great arm strength.”
Hina pulled back to stare at her. “Was… did you just make an honest-to-god joke?”
“I am capable of sarcasm, Hina.” The smile tugging at the corners of Sakura’s lips proved that she wasn’t offended.
Hina laughed. “You just don’t seem the type, that’s all.” She leaned against Sakura’s shoulder, warmth chasing away the lingering confusion from Sayaka’s visit. “It’s funny, I don’t think I’ve ever really sought a friend out before.”
“What do you mean?”
Hina turned to look at Sakura. “Well, obviously I’ve made friends. People from school, from different teams, neighbors… but it’s always circumstantial, y’know? I was never the kid that walked up to someone and asked to be friends. But it’s so lonely in here. Even when you’re with 14 other people, you can’t help but feel…” Hina realized that she was almost nose to nose with Sakura and, laughing awkwardly, moved away to stare at the floor. “I don’t do well without friends. I’m glad you’re here.”
“I… I’m glad you’re here, too. But I’m probably not the person at this school you’d want to befriend.”
Hina snorted. “Are you kidding? You’re sweet, you’re smart, you’re funny, and you could probably crush me with your little toe. You’re the whole package!”
“Exactly,” Sakura argued. “If I wanted you dead, I could do it in a heartbeat.”
“Okay, then…” Hina stuck out her pinky finger. “Let’s make a promise. I don’t kill you, you don’t kill me.”
Sakura laughed. “You think that’ll protect you?”
“I trust you.” Hina was entirely serious. She didn’t know why, but she trusted Sakura more than most people at the school. It went beyond ‘she’s cute and could step on me’. It was a gut instinct, and Hina always trusted her gut.
Sakura looked almost miserable for a second, before she cracked a smile and locked her thick pinky with Hina’s. “Alright. I promise. No murder.”
“And… promise we won’t just pretend we’ve never spoken? I could use a friend.”
“Of course.” They shook, and let their hands drop. Their pinkies were still interlocked. Hina should probably pull her hand away. Sakura wasn’t moving to, so Hina should.
They sat there in silence, practically holding hands and staring at each other, for what might have been hours. Hina had all but forgotten about her tea. She’d known Sakura for such a short amount of time, and suddenly they have… admittedly something of a moment and she’s wondering what it would feel like to lean in and-
Nope. Following that train of thought was a poor idea. Aoi Asahina was, among her many brilliant and interesting qualities, impulsive as hell. Thinking about kissing Sakura less than an hour after actually starting to talk to her was a recipe for disaster. Whatever she was feeling, it was to be ignored for now, processed later, and taken care of when she had the emotional energy. So, instead, Hina pulled her hand away and sat at the edge of the table, tapping her fingers compulsively against the cool plastic.
“What was your life like? Before this, I mean.” Sakura’s question hung in the air, and Hina suddenly realized that some kind of unspoken barrier had been broken. In all the time since coming here, she hadn’t asked anyone about their family, or their lives before getting trapped in the school (aside from, of course, small questions about hobbies and favorite animals). Still, it wasn’t an entirely unwelcome change.
“Well… busy. Really, really busy. I’d wake up early almost every day – I had to get used to five o’clock being considered nighttime here – and start the day off with exercise. Usually, I’d go for a run, unless I had something I had to do. Then, I-” She stopped. “Sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“I, uh, I’ve been told that when people ask me what my life is like, they don’t want a full list of my daily routine and everything that happens in it.”
“I asked, didn’t I?” Sakura shrugged. “I want to get to know you, Hina. Any information you feel like sharing is valuable information.”
“Oh.” Again, there was something shockingly gentle and kind about Sakura. A safeness. A warmth. “Uh. Thanks? Thanks. But… really, like I said, it was just busy. I had a pretty big family, too. Mom, dad, two younger brothers, and then once my grandma’s health started getting worse she came to stay with us. Aunts will come and go—really, if any family member needs a place to stay, my mom will volunteer, so we’re often pretty full.”
“Doesn’t that bother you? Having to give up a couch or a spare bed for anyone who shows up?”
“Well… yes and no, I guess? It makes me happy that my mom’s such a generous person, and I really do like my family! But you’re right, it can be irritating. There’s something really weird about coming back from swim practice and seeing a guy you’re only 50% sure you’ve ever met on the couch.”
“Oh, god, really?” Sakura shook her head vehemently, a ghost of a smile on her face. “I value my privacy. I can’t imagine having so many people in the house at once, especially veritable strangers.”
“Yeah! Especially veritable strangers who pinch your cheek and act like you should know who the heck they are!” She hated being touched by people she wasn’t sure she knew.
“Yes, I remember that being... unpleasant,” Sakura said. “Perks of clearly being the strongest person in the room: People don’t talk to me more than they absolutely have to. Makes the rare family get-togethers tolerable.”
“Isn’t that lonely?”
Sakura considered, as though the thought hadn’t occurred to her. “I suppose, sometimes, yes. But, as I said, I like being alone.”
“For sure! But… there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, right? Feeling like people were too scared to come talk to me… that would make me feel lonely.”
“Even if you didn’t want to talk to people?”
“Yeah, even then.”
Sakura sighed. “That makes sense, I guess. I’ve gotten pretty used to it. Besides, the people who I really want to talk to usually don’t get scared away. Like you.”
A flush spread across Hina’s face, and she fiercely willed it to go away. “I couldn’t be scared of you. You’re… you're really nice.” It was lame, but she had to say something.
Something dark flashed across Sakura’s eyes. “You’d be surprised.” She didn’t say anything more. Hina felt, for the first time since the conversation began, like she’d said something wrong.
“I, uh… I’m sorry. If I said something rude, or… I didn’t mean to offend you.” She had just formed a friendship with Sakura, and she felt like she was already screwing it up.
“No!” Sakura spoke quickly and loudly, and Hina had to force herself to keep from jumping up and moving away. She started tapping again. “Sorry, that was… loud. No, it’s fine. I’m not angry. I’m sorry, I just… we all have secrets, right? It’s nothing bad, I just…”
“That’s okay! You don’t have to say anything. Like I said, I trust you.” Hina felt relief pouring through every inch of her body. Sakura wasn’t leaving.
“I… I appreciate that.” Sakura looked up at the clock. “It’s getting pretty late. Do you think you can get some sleep now?”
“Maybe?” If anything, Hina felt more awake. Sayaka’s odd behavior, the mention of someone banging on her door, and the… development with Sakura left her anxious. She was scared. Still, she didn’t want to bother Sakura any more than she already had. “Uh… yeah. I should be fine.”
Sakura nodded. For the person who suggested that they go to bed, she didn’t seem entirely happy about the prospect. “Shall we?” She extended a hand in mock-chivalry.
Willing away a flush, Hina accepted it. “We shall!” She giggled in spite of herself. Sakura’s smile suddenly seemed far less forced.
They each went into their respective rooms. Hina closed the door, waited of a count of two, and then let out a scream. Damnit, damnit, damnit. She was in a school where the prime objective was to murder someone, and suddenly she talks to one pretty girl and she’s…
Sakura could die. Hell, Sakura could kill her. She’d promised, but that could mean nothing. Hina’s instincts might just be closer to ‘thinking with her (metaphorical) dick’ than anything else. She was just so damn stupid. It was just her luck, right? The first person who she feels like she’s on equal footing with, who she feels good around, and it’s in a place where there’s no chance of both of them making it out alive. A laugh burbles to Hina’s lips, because it would almost be funny if it didn’t… hurt.
Hina didn’t do well with relationships. That was, to a certain extent, expected; she was a lesbian in a world that was so aggressively heteronormative it almost seemed like a joke. But there was more to it. Again and again, potential dates would pull away once Hina tried to let down her walls and talk about her interests. She’d been called weird, crazy, awkward, and worse. And even when she didn’t scare them away, it was so easy to misinterpret what someone said or did. When someone calls her cute, it’s a compliment… unless it’s not. If someone insults her, she should get offended… or maybe she shouldn’t. Tones and words and facial expressions came together into a puzzle that was somehow harder to solve than others seemed to think it was. It was like Hina was missing pieces.
But Sakura was different. Hina had only spent a short while with her, and she already felt more listened to than she had in a long while. Sakura said what she meant. She was direct. Honest. She didn’t seem bothered by Hina talking too much, or saying something strange, or even acting impulsively and doing stupid things like holding her hand or leaning into an embrace. Sakura was comfortable.
Hina tried to get sleep, she really did. She closed her eyes and emptied her head and counted sheep and drank the cold remains of her tea, but her mind was racing. Sayaka had brought the knife for protection, but that still meant that someone in the building was armed. If someone came in with a knife, Hina didn’t think she could escape that easily.
And, in spite of herself, she kept wishing that Sakura would knock on her door. Maybe sweep her into her strong arms, cuddle with her until she fell asleep. But that wasn’t possible. She wouldn’t see Sakura again that night, she’d just… go to sleep.
…
Sakura’s door swung open under Hina’s fist as she moved to knock again. “Hina? What’s… is someone attacking you? Are you safe?”
“Yeah, I’m safe.” Hina felt her face burning in embarrassment. “I, uh… I’m sorry, I’ve already bothered you enough, but I’m really freaked out after seeing Sayaka, and I still can’t sleep, and-”
“How can I help?”
Hina took a breath. “Can I sleep in your room? You can search me, I’m not carrying any weapons, I just got kind of lonely in my room all night, and the rules don’t say anything about sleeping in each other’s rooms as long as we stay in a dorm, and-”
“Hina.” Sakura didn’t shout, instead speaking quietly and calmly as ever, but Hina stopped talking anyway. “Of course you can. Come in.”
Relief sweeping through her, Hina stepped inside, Sakura swinging the door closed behind her. “Thanks. I’ll, uh… find a spot on the floor, I guess?”
“Hina.”
“What?” Hina hoped her voice didn’t betray her thoughts.
“You’re taking the bed.” Yes yes yes yes- “I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Wait- wait, what? No, I’m not kicking you out of your bed!”
“You’re a guest. It’s proper etiquette to give you the bed.”
“But it’s not my room, so you should sleep in your own bed. You’re already doing me a huge favor by letting me stay here.” Hina knew she sounded like a brat, but she really didn’t feel right about taking the bed away from Sakura. In her house, guests took what was available. That was how it was done, that was what was right, she didn’t want to change that.
“Look, just…”
“What if we both slept in the bed?” Hina interrupted. Immediately, she felt herself turn red. “I- I didn’t mean to say that out loud. Oh, my god, I’m so sorry, that was- that was weird, right? That was a weird thing to say? I’m- I didn’t mean like that- oh, god, you probably weren’t thinking that, I’m gonna-”
“I don’t mind if you don’t.”
Hina stared at her. “Really?”
“Why would I mind?” A flicker of a smile appeared on Sakura’s face, which was probably the equivalent of a shit-eating grin for her. “Afraid I’ll get the wrong idea?”
“Not at all!” Lie. “I just… didn’t want things to get awkward. I’m okay with it, though!” Understatement of the century.
Sakura looked almost disappointed for a moment (why?) but she sat down on the bed. Gaining confidence, Hina dramatically launched herself onto the other side, narrowly avoiding smacking her head on the drawer nearby.
“Are you okay?” Sakura placed her hand on Hina’s head, checking for injuries. Uh Oh.
“I- I’m fine! I missed!”
“Missing implies that you were aiming for the drawers.”
“You know what I mean!” Hina rolled over to look up at Sakura, who was looking at her in a way she’d never been looked at. With warmth, and tenderness, and maybe a little bit of awe. Like she was something worth seeing. The moment passed as Sakura lay down next to her, but it lingered in the way Hina’s heart beat, in the way she instinctively grabbed Sakura’s hand. In the way Sakura pulled her in, wrapping an arm around her smaller frame. Big uh oh.
“Do you miss it out there?”
“Hm?” Hina already felt safer, and had just felt like she could get some sleep.
“In the real world, I mean. Do you miss your old life?”
“I… well, yeah. It’s kind of complicated, I guess, because people didn’t really like me- I mean, they did, but there’s a difference between liking someone and really wanting them around and I was right on the edge of that most days- but I miss my family, and my friends, and doing all the stuff I used to do.” She craned her neck to look at Sakura. “You?”
“I miss… I miss my family. I miss our dojo.” Sakura’s voice cracked slightly, but she recovered easily. “I miss dogs, and the sun, and seeing little kids just brutalizing each other with fake swords. I miss things that I didn’t think I would miss, like babies crying and burned food and fear over things like tests. I miss being alive. Being stuck in here feels like some kind of purgatory.”
“I bet it is,” Hina grumbled. “We’re all in here for some sin or another. I bet it was that one time in first grade where a kid told me my hair was stupid and I pushed her down the stairs.”
“You… I'm sorry, you did what?”
“She was bouncy! It was fine!” Hina protested. “And anyway, I was in first grade. Now I’d just punch her like a real grown-up.”
“You’re ridiculous, Hina.” Who knew ‘ridiculous’ could be turned into something so complementary?
Hina lay in silence for a moment, feeling Sakura against her. “I miss swimming. That’s a big one.”
“When we get out of this, you’ll have to take me to a pool or something, okay?”
Hina smiled. “Is that another promise?”
Sakura seemed to mull it over. “No. We might not want to do that straight away. It’s just an idea. We’ll keep our options open.”
“Options open,” Hina echoed. “That sounds nice.”
“Maybe we’ll want to get lunch first.” Sakura glanced down at her hopefully.
“No sense swimming on an empty stomach!”
“What would you get for lunch?”
Hina scoffed. “Donuts, obviously!”
“Donuts… aren’t lunch.”
“Not with that attitude they aren’t!”
The rumble of Sakura’s laugh shook Hina’s teeth. “Okay, fine. Donuts for lunch.”
“We’ll sit outside because it’s a really nice day and we want to enjoy it.”
“I’ll grab us a table while you order.”
“I’ll sit down, carrying a tray filled with every donut imaginable-”
“This is not a healthy lunch-”
“Hey! Some of the donuts will be vegan or something!”
“I… you’re supposed to be a good nutritionist, I don’t-”
“Nutrition’s easy! If you look hard enough you can find someone telling you to eat anything!”
Sakura laughed. It was a surprisingly clear sound, Hina was realizing, especially compared to her usual gravelly tone. It was a nice sound. Everything about Sakura was nice. It was nice to be near her. Hina couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled completely without effort.
Sakura must have noticed her staring, because she looked at her curiously. “What?”
Hina stared at her for a moment. Their eyes locked.
“Oh, fuck it.” Hina closed the gap, bringing her lips to Sakura’s. In hindsight, this was maybe not her brightest idea, but in the moment it seemed perfectly logical. Besides, her brain muscles were slightly occupied.
She pulled away, and suddenly her actions caught up to her. “Oh. Oh my god. I’m… I’m so sorry, I think I misinterpreted- or maybe I just didn’t interpret, I don’t know, the point is I’m sorry and I won’t do it again!”
“Hina.”
“It was just- I know we just started talking, but I kind of- well, I think you probably saw how I feel- I promise I’m not-”
“Hina!”
“What?”
“Can I kiss you again?”
Hina’s brain short-circuited. “I’m… what?”
Sakura chuckled. “You’re right, we haven’t known each other for very long, but… I’ve been watching how you act around the others. You’re… smart, and determined, and capable, and cute, and I’d very much like to kiss you again. If that’s okay.”
“I… yeah, that’s okay, I just-!” Sakura pulled her back in.
They didn’t sleep much, in the end. Instead, they stayed up late into the night, trading stories and opinions and fears. Hina felt like, maybe, she’d finally found something good. Something that didn’t blow up in her face. She felt like a cloud had lifted from her shoulders. Maybe Monokuma could see them kissing through the security cameras. Maybe he was laughing behind his hand, excited at the stakes they had brought to his favorite game. But ultimately, Hina didn’t care. She had Sakura by her side, and she was certain that, together, they could get through nearly anything.