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One, two, three four. Try to keep up with the rhythm, don’t rush, don’t slow down, and- Alex winced as the tension in his wrists fumbled the drumroll, and hit a cymbal to make up for it. Something between his lungs was sucking the air out of his body, and Alex couldn’t slow down if his life depended on it because the only way to run from himself was to be fucking fast.
But every song had to end eventually, and after way too many counts dragging the end solo on their latest one out Alex’s hand slipped and he slumped down in the throne. After a few seconds, Alex became aware of his bandmates staring at him like he grew a second head.
“What?” Alex said, a little too defensively.
Luke shrugged. “Well, um.”
“You feeling good?” Reggie cut in. He always had a bit less nuance than the others, but Luke and Julie looked almost grateful for his blunt question.
“Yeah.” Alex nodded with a bit too much vigor and smiled awkwardly. “Just uh… got into the music a bit. That’s all.” Julie stared at him, arms crossed, while the boys were shifting their weight from foot to foot.
“Come on.” Luke moved towards the drum set and tapped on a cymbal. “You were beating that thing like there’s no tomorrow, and if there’s one thing I know is how you look when you’re anxious.” Behind Luke, Reggie leaned over to Alex and nodded.
“Yeah, the guys are right.” Julie sounded apologetic. “You’ve been out of it all day. I mean, we just performed the Orpheum! And your curse is gone, so is there anything left we need to do?” Julie frowned, not savoring the idea of uprooting her band again because of some afterlife business.
Alex actually almost laughed at that. “No, no. I’ve just been feeling off today. Like the big event! Woo!” Alex tried to sound enthusiastic and reassuring, but he could tell that no one was convinced.
“Spill it.” Reggie simply said, and Julie tilted her head in support.
“Well,” Alex sighed, and sunk into himself, “You know who Willie is, right?” Luke and Reggie nodded, but Julie looked confused. “Yeah, I uh… never told you. Sorry. But I was walking around town and bumped into this skater guy- this ghost. And we could see each other, and it was- it was awesome! He’s the one who introduced us to Caleb.”
“ What? ” Julie exclaimed.
“He didn’t have a choice!” Alex quickly protested, standing up. “Caleb pretty much owns his soul, but towards the end Willie was the one who suggested performing at the Orpheum, and he really cares for us.”
Julie asked, “Okay, and the problem is?”
“I care about him too! A lot- he took me to a museum and I picked up a lot from him, and he said he wanted to see me play with the band. But I think I like him in the-” Alex swallowed; one he admitted it, there was no going back, “I think I have a crush on him.” There. It was out.
Julie sighed with relief. “Oh! I thought it was something serious; I totally know how to deal with a crush.”
“No, the problem is, I think he likes me too. And I thought I made peace with being gay, but the problem is- what if Willie hasn’t? And I want to see other people, maybe ghosts, or now that we can touch each other maybe there’s a way to talk to lifers, but what’s the point if everyone does that face and then never walks quite as close to me. I want to tell Reggie he looks amazing in that leather jacket without people taking it the wrong way, goddamn it!” Alex gestured wildly.
Everyone was silent for a few seconds.
“Oh…” Julie said.
“I look good in the leather jacket?” Reggie asked, and received a glare from Luke.
“Um, Alex?”
“Uh-huh Julie?” Here it went again; Alex mentally prepared himself for side-eyed glances and sitting a little apart from everyone else. Sure, Julie was chill, but Alex was too dead for optimism.
Still, realization of something Alex didn’t understand crept onto Julie’s face. “You- how much did Willie catch you up on history?”
“Not a lot.”
“Is this going to be relevant?” Luke asked. “Because I failed history last time I took it.” Alex smiled a bit, remembering how he helped Luke cram for an exam they never got to.
“I just mean- you know gay marriage was legalized in 2015, right? There’s always the assholes, but if you’re worried about people not taking it well, you know you don’t have to be?”
For a second, Alex almost thought he was dreaming. Since he was thirteen, he had to hide his crushes and make up reasons why he blushed and stuttered around the football players, but people noticed, and Alex got called everything imaginable in the hallways. In a way, their low social status was how Sunset Curve met, and now Julie was saying that it was okay? In a way, it was almost too much to deal with.
So Alex did the thing he did when he got overwhelmed in the studio- walked across the room and collapsed on the couch, blinking the tears out of his eyes and feeling a weight off his shoulders. When things stopped being blurry, Alex looked around the room; Reggie was smiling like an idiot at the ground and twisting one of his rings, Luke was actually bouncing on his heels, and Julie herself was looking around the room with a shocked, happy expression on her face.
“Now that I think about it- you guys missed out on so much!” Julie spread her hands out. “Oh, I’ll have to catch you up to everything! How have I not got around to this yet? And now that we don’t have to worry about whether or not you’ll dissolve, I could try to help you.”
Alex smiled. “I love you all.”