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He’s staring at her again.
Hoseok pretends to not notice, pretends to be looking down at the book on his desk, pretends that he's focused on listening to Mr. Kang's lesson and not staring at Yoongi.
But it's hard. Yoongi always stares at her.
Hoseok’s not jealous. He’s not. Yoongi’s seventeen, and Yoongi likes pretty girls. Girls with long hair, with nice skin, and pretty eyes. It just so happens that Yoongi likes to stare at this particular pretty girl in their class. She really is pretty. He can see why Yoongi likes her.
Hoseok’s not jealous.
Why would he be?
Yoongi’s gaze shifts from the girl momentarily to the board, but it goes back again soon after. He tilts his head.
Hoseok feels his notes start to get sloppy as the teacher continues the lecture.
He licks his lips. Hoseok’s not a girl. His hair sticks up in the morning, and he doesn’t always smell like a bunch of flowers, and he laughs so loud that he's sure the entire school can hear him. Hoseok isn’t the person that Yoongi likes.
Hoseok’s not jealous. He’s not. He swears.
(But Hoseok has always had a problem with telling himself the truth.)
Yoongi erases his scribbles. He was drawing the letter H with a small heart next to it. The girl's name starts with an H. Hoseok isn't...
"Hey," says Jimin after class, catching up to him in the hallways amidst the flood of students, “wanna go to Taehyung's house?"
"No," says Hoseok, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He doesn’t feel like hanging out with his friends today. "Gotta finish Mr. Choi's homework. Maybe tomorrow?"
"Alright," Jimin says. He looks at him for a moment, as if contemplating something. "Are you okay?"
Hoseok pauses, almost startled by the sudden question. “Of course I am,” he says, hoping his tone was bright and cheery. He plasters a smile. Jimin looks at him with a little squint in his eyes, but hesitantly smiles back.
"Okay! Good luck on your homework, hyung.”
Hoseok walks. He doesn't even know why he's so upset today. He promises to himself he'll make it up to Jimin soon.
"Hoseok," says Yoongi, spotting him as he makes his way out of school. “You’re not going with them?”
The others. Taehyung and Jimin.
"No," says Hoseok, and he can’t help but hate the way Yoongi makes him feel. The way his palms sweat whenever Yoongi shoots a grin in his direction, the way his heart thumps a little too fast for him to keep up when Yoongi leans in just a little too close, the way he can’t help the foolish thoughts that run for miles on end when he thinks that maybe, just maybe, Yoongi could someday look at him the same way he looks at those girls in their class.
Maybe he should’ve said yes to Jimin.
"Kind of tired. I’m gonna go home and sleep it off." he says instead
"Ah," says Yoongi knowingly, and he teases, "wild night?"
Hoseok laughs at the absurdity of it. “Sure hyung. Me and my laptop, and an entire box of pizza.'"
"And you didn’t even bother to invite me?" Yoongi asks, innocent enough.
He almost feels bad. Hanging out with Yoongi was always nice, but it always reminds him that he couldn’t have more. Maybe Hoseok is selfish. “Next time, hyung."
"Next time," echoes Yoongi, eyes crinkling at the corners as his lips lift. "You better."
"Yeah," says Hoseok, and he feels his mouth go dry, "yeah, I will."
.........
He wonders how long this will go.
How long he'll keep going, how long it'll take for Yoongi to notice, to stop their friendship, to—
Hoseok shakes his head. He'll enjoy just being friends. He'll enjoy hanging out with Yoongi and hang onto his endearing habits like how Yoongi can't function without his coffee in the morning, Yoongi’s dream of producing music, Yoongi's love for basketball, how Yoongi plays the piano, Yoongi's favorite days and he just knows Yoongi.
But they're friends. He can settle for that.
...And Yoongi is looking at her again.
Hoseok’s not jealous. Not in the slightest.
But it’s later in the week, just a little later when Yoongi approaches the girl in the corridor, asks her out, and something aches just a little bit more in Hoseok’s chest, makes his throat seize up just a little bit. Yoongi likes her.
And you know what? Hoseok is jealous. He is.
………
Hoseok curls a hand into the strap of his bag, plastering a smile onto his face as he sees Yoongi.
"Didn’t work out?"
Yoongi shrugs. “Nothing really works out.”
"But hey," says Hoseok, trying to lighten up the mood. Trying to ignore the sag of relief his shoulders give. Trying to ignore the guilt of wanting Yoongi to stay single. "You’re Min Yoongi, hyung. There’ll be girls falling at your feet no matter what happens."
Yoongi puts his hands in his pockets and mumbles, “It never feels right, though.”
The same response., and instead of changing the subject like he always does, he presses on. "Then, what does?"
"I don’t know." Yoongi takes out his phone and unlocks it. "Music always feels right. Words feel right. You, you feel right."
Hoseok stills. “Me?”
"Yeah," says Yoongi, and he stares at his phone, like it’s the only thing that’s important. "You’re always here. I know you. And you just feel right. All the time."
"Ah," says Hoseok, but his words are wavering, just a little bit, and Yoongi is stirring up something dreadful in his stomach, and does Yoongi even know what he’s doing to Hoseok right now? "Well, that doesn’t really count. We were talking about girls."
"Yeah," says Yoongi. He dares to give Hoseok a brief glance before adverting his eyes. “I know. I just..."
"Just?" says Hoseok, and there's something hopeful fluttering in him.
Yoongi puts his phone away, shaking his head. "Nothing. It’s nothing."
"Ah," says Hoseok. Nothing. "Okay."
Nothing at all.
...........
It’s strange, how the year progresses.
Yoongi never looks at that girl anymore, Hoseok realizes after a few months.
It’s strange because Yoongi always looked at her. Looked at girls. Looked at everyone.
But now Yoongi turns to him in class sometimes, turns to him and asks him for help on a question, mentions casual little things, chatters more with Hoseok, and it’s strange because Yoongi never did this before.
They talked, yeah, but this is different. He could feel it, and he wants more. He wants to believe that Yoongi might…
He shakes his head. It’s not good to get his hopes up.
...........
Yoongi finds another girl, and she’s even prettier than the last, and she calls him ‘Yoongi-oppa,’ and touches him constantly and smiles so wide at him when he smiles at her.
Hoseok is not jealous. He’s not. He knew this would happen, knew Yoongi would find someone. He's not jealous.
(He is.)
He wants—he wants that. He wants to be the one Yoongi smiles at, he wants to be the one Yoongi carefully entwines his fingers with, he wants to be the one Yoongi puts his arm around every day.
Hoseok is not jealous. He’s not.
"You’re so jealous," says Taehyung, the only one who has ever known. "By the way, can I have your sandwich?"
"I can’t keep doing this," says Hoseok, passing his sandwich to him. He sighs. "It’s been three years."
"Make a move! You’ve waited long enough." Taehyung says. He eats the sandwich in record time and smacks his lips in satisfaction. "Mm. Tuna."
Hoeseok grimaces.
"Make a move? You do remember that this is Min Yoongi we’re talking about, right? Yoongi, who only ever dates girls. Yoongi, who’s definitely not interested in guys."
"How do you know?"
Hoseok pauses. “How do I know what?”
"That he definitely isn’t interested in guys." Taehyung says. "Have you ever asked?"
Hoseok splutters. “Well—no, but, you don’t just go around asking people if they’re gay!"
"But Yoongi isn’t people," says Taehyung, "he’s Yoongi."
"Even if I did," says Hoseok, briefly giving Taehyung a concerned look after biting into his third sandwich, "he’s already dating that new girl. I don’t—I don’t think I should—"
"They’ll probably break up by next week." Taehyung says, grabbing a fourth sandwitch to pu tinto his backpack, (god knows how he’d gotten Jimin to give his up) and adds, "Have you ever seen Yoongi’s relationships last longer than a month?"
No, he hasn’t, and it’s strange. Sometimes, he feels bad for the girls.
Taehyung nods his head as if sensing his thoughts. "Don't worry, hyung. Everything is going to sort itself out.”
He turns and waves at a Jimin who started walking away, “Thank you for the sandwich!”
Jimin gives him a shy smile. Hoseok doesn’t notice, too focused on Taehyung’s words.
Everything's going to sort itself out
Hoseok hopes he's right
........
"It didn’t feel right," says Yoongi, a week later.
"Of course," says Hoseok, "it's always that.”
Yoongi stares at him, “Are you judging me?”
"No!" Hoseok says, looking away. Okay, maybe he is. It's after school and they're sitting under a tree. "Just... Nothing ever feels right to you, does it, hyung?"
"I told you, though," says Yoongi nonchalantly, "some things feel right. Like music and words and basketball and you."
"Yeah, but I’m not—" Hoseok sucks in a breath. "Never mind."
"What were you gonna say?"'
"Nothing," snaps Hoseok, feeling annoyed. He's not going to talk about this. Yoongi pauses.
“Are you alright?”
There’s the question. The same one everyone asks him and he feels himself getting defensive.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
Yoongi, eyebrows furrowing, asks, "did I do something to offend you?"
"No," says Hoseok, shaking his head, “you did nothing, okay? Just drop it."
"If there’s anything worrying you—"
"Just leave it alone, hyung.” Hoseok says, frustrated. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. He doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with it.
"Hoseok, what wrong?" says Yoongi, and this time reaches out for Hoseok’s shoulder.
"Nothing! I just—" Hoseok stops, heart racing. No. He can’t tell—he can’t let Yoongi know. That would be the end of things, would destroy everything he’s let build up over the years, but his mouth is working before his brain is, and the words that come out of his mouth are blurted. "I just like you."
"If you like me, then why are you acting like—" Yoongi’s words trail off. "Wait, what?"
"I like you," repeats Hoseok, quieter, deciding that if he’s going to spill the beans, he might as well just let everything go, "I’ve liked you for years.”
Yoongi stares at him in disbelief. "You like me? Romantically?"
This is stupid, Hoseok realizes. He turns, "I’m sorry. I should just go-"
"No, wait." Yoongi’s hand shoots out to grab his wrist, stopping him in his motion to get up from the grass "Don’t. Don’t go."
"Why?" questions Hoseok, not looking at him. He stares at Yoongi’s hand holding him.
"Because," says Yoongi, licking his lips, "this doesn’t mean things have to change."
But what if Hoseok wants them to? What if he wants to become closer?
"I-" starts Yoongi, hesitantly, "come here, Hoseok."
He’s moving back to sit beside Yoongi again. He's nervous.
“Do you know why I date all those girls and break up with them?”
"Because it doesn’t feel right," says Hoseok, "you just said."
"No," says Yoongi, "because you feel right. And they’re not you."
This must be a cruel prank.
"Don’t turn this into some kind of joke," says Hoseok, lips wavering, "hyung, please."
"I’ve never wanted to admit it," says Yoongi, and he sounds honest, he does, he sounds sincere and Hoseok doesn’t believe that this is actually happening. "I just thought that if I dated other people that I would stop thinking about it. About you. And I thought you—I thought that you wouldn’t feel the same way."
Hoseok laughs. It’s ridiculous. "Hyung, I was so obvious. Your really oblivious, aren’t you?”
Yoongi glares at him, but he could see a tint of pink in his ears.
“Yah...” Yoongi says, “shut up. I like you too, Hoseok.”
"Oh," says Hoseok, and he doesn’t know what else to say. His cheeks start to hurt. “Thanks hyung."
"Thanks?" says Yoongi. “Don’t get full of yourself.”
They both look at each other until they can’t any longer, and Hoseok starts laughing, because how absurd is this entire situation? And Yoongi’s laughing too, and they’re both just falling against each other, laughing with each other, laughing at each other.
"Oh my god," breathes Hoseok. "I can’t believe this. Three whole years, and it turns out you’ve felt the same way the entire time."
"Well, to be fair, it was less on my end." Yoongi scrunches up his nose. "Somewhere after that time we went on that school trip."
"The hiking trip?"
"Yeah," Yoongi says, and his pearly gummy smiles makes Hoseok's heart go crazy.
And Hoseok thinks about how oblivious he's been. How much trouble he wouldn't have been through if he just asked—
They fall into silence, before Hoseok gathers up the courage to ask, “So, what now?”
"Well," says Yoongi, "the movies say that we should kiss while dramatic background music plays."
"Of course," says Hoseok, "except there's no background music."
Yoongi shrugs, but there’s a tiny smile on his features. “We don’t need background music. There’s already the sound of our breathing and birds squealing.”
"Squealing?” says Hoseok, “Hyung, is this how you flirt?"
Yoongi grins, and Hoseok’s heart thumps just a little bit harder.
They don’t kiss. Not yet. Not just yet.
........
It’s a few days later, when Yoongi slips into the seat beside his, in class. A few students were left. Most were either cleaning up or talking amongst themselves. Hoseok feels something go against his cheek.
Yoongi just kissed him on the cheek.
“Hey,” he hears him whisper.
And for once in a long time, the smile on Hoseok’s face is as genuine as it can get. “Hey,” he replies with content. Glee and surprise filling him.
Hoseok doesn’t have to be jealous anymore. Yoongi finally has the person that feels right, and Hoseok does to.
.......
"Told ya it'll be fine, hyung." Taehyung says with a smug smile.