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Dick has a broken leg
Dick was sprawled out in the living room with his leg propped up on a pile of pillows. He had broken his leg in two places, lower and upper leg, trying to land on what turned out to be an oil slicked railing. Never throw essential oiled water out a window with a fire escape. At least the oil made his landing smell nice.
Bruce hadn’t been amused but Dick had passed out in the safety of the Batmobile on the way home so he missed the doctor’s lecture. Definitely got an Alfred lecture. And a Damian lecture. And a silent frown from Bruce, which was his equivalent of a lecture.
After the first week, which was nothing but sleeping, he grew bored. Bored was bad because he started walking around the house on his hands. Alfred non threateningly threatened him, which was extremely threatening. So Dick decided to veg on the couch and watch all the junk shows he never got to before. Thus binge watching The Real Housewives of Gotham.
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“Oh hey I remember this. It was like three months ago?” Dick asked.
“Four.” Alfred supplied as he walked through the room.
“Look Al! Oh my god! He’s not even TRYING to hide his disgust!” Dick said excitedly as he paused the show.
Brucie Wayne was grimacing as a few of the Real Housewives started bickering about the latest drama. He heard Alfred hum, which was close enough to a laugh of amusement. The charity gala was a Wayne Enterprise event so Bruce had to go. The PR department thought having the RH’s film would bring more revenue for the charity.
Dick managed to avoid going due to a prolonged mission he was on. He hit play and watched with glee as the Wives tried to drag the “playboy” into it. Bruce just went full Himbo and looked like a clueless lost puppy. When he “accidentally” spilled his drink on himself to get away Dick cracked up but immediately regretted it since he tried to kick his legs out.
“Oh god Al. It hurts.” Dick said while giggling. “Oh no! It’s Tim!” Dick pointed gleefully as the camera panned to one of the Wives walking over to her husband who was listening to Tim with a bemused look on his face.
You couldn’t hear what Tim was saying so he looked extremely professional as he talked seriously and used his hands for emphasis. But reading his lips was making Dick shake with laughter. Tim was talking about how skateboarding through the halls of the Wayne building was more cost effective and time saving versus heelies because you just throw the board down and go, whereas heelies you had to put on and it looked so unprofessional.
“Hooo my god! Al! I’m gonna DIE!” Dick said as he almost fell off the couch. He couldn’t breath.
“Richard!” Damian barked as he appeared next to Dick. “What is wrong with you? What is wrong with him, Pennyworth?”
“Too much television. Oh look, it’s you young master Damian.” Alfred said as he pointed at the screen after making sure Dick wouldn’t fall off the couch.
“Aww baby bat, you look so good!” Dick cooed as Damian, in a cut to fit suit, walked over to his father.
“Shut up, Grayson.” Damian said annoyed. “Why are you watching such drivel?”
“I like seeing the sights and the houses. I couldn’t care less about the drama. Although it does make it spicy.” Dick explained. Damian slowly turned to give him a death glare. Dick smiled wide at him. “Also, surprisingly enough, you see a bunch of baddies make cameos. I’ve seen the Joker like three times. I wonder if he’s a fan. Or if he wants to be a Wife.”
“Please stop speaking.” Damian said while scrunching his nose up in disgust.
“How bout this, you sit with me and I’ll change the channel.” Dick said. Damian seemed to think about it.
“I have homework.” Damian said with a frown. Dick smiled at him.
“Go do your homework. We can watch something later.” Dick said. Damian nodded and seemed reluctant to leave. The moment Damian left Alfred appeared next to him with a glass of juice making him slightly startle. “You went to a ninja academy.”
“Those don’t exist, Dick.” Alfred stated. “Why don’t you continue watching?”
“I knew you liked this.” Dick said with a grin as he drank his juice.
“I like the decor.” Alfred said in the most condescending way. Dick coughed as he inhaled some juice when he went to laugh.
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“Wow, the gremlin isn’t attached to you today?” Tim asked as he flopped down next to Dick on the couch. Damian always seemed to be around Dick when they were home from work/school/patrol.
“Jealous, Timbo?” Dick asked as he wrapped an arm around Tim’s shoulders and forced him to cuddle, not that the other boy tried to resist.
“No.” Tim denied. He was a little. “What are you watching?” He asked focusing on the screen.
“Real Housewives of Metropolis.” Dick said. “It’s pretty boring but I’ve seen Lois a few times. Clark once.”
“I should tell Connor to appear.” Tim said taking his phone out. Dick quickly took it away.
“Or invite him as your date to one of the gala’s so he can be on the Gotham one.” Dick said. He grinned at the blush on Tim’s face as Tim grabbed his phone back.
“That’s dumb.” Tim said but started texting someone.
“Look! It’s Lois and Clark! Oh that’s right this Wife’s husband is like a huge contributor to the Daily.” Dick said as a prettyish woman with a very fake smile hung off her much older husband’s arm as he chatted with Clark’s boss. It looked like Lois, Clark, and Jimmy had been in a meeting with the man. “Oh that is terrible.” Dick said with a giant grin.
“Look at the “iron grip” Lois has on Clark’s arm!” Tim said as he took a picture of the scene.
“Sweetheart, that is the WRONG woman.” Dick said. The Wife had turned to talk to Lois and was like ‘guy talk. Amirite?’
“Oh my god.” Tim whispered as he started recording the show.
The woman then turned to Clark and was coming on to him. Lois just stepped back trying not to grin. Dick and Tim lost it when Clark said, “No ma’am, I’m just a guy from Kansas.”
“Send that to me!” Dick said through his laughter.
“I’m sending it to everyone.” Tim said with glee.
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“Seriously?” Jason asked as he walked in to the living room to see Roy cuddling against Dick with both of them holding martini glasses.
“Relax. It’s grape juice.” Dick said happily as he sipped from his glass.
“We acting like them bitches.” Roy said as he tilted his glass towards the tv screen.
“Is that Queen Industries?” Jason asked as he settled on the other side of Dick and threw a smirk at the red head when Dick leaned towards him.
“It’s Real Housewives of Star City.” Dick said. “They are the classiest and cattiest but you know who the queen bitch is?”
“Who?” Jason asked intrigued.
“The Queen bitch himself.” Roy said as the screen flashed to Oliver as he shmoozed with the ladies of Wives.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” Jason said as he settled back into the couch.
“Should we tell Dinah she married a natural born House Wife?” Dick asked.
“I’m sure she knows.” Roy said as Dinah appeared on screen to whisk her husband away.
“Honestly, and sadly, the thing that makes it watchable is Oliver.” Dick said. Roy groaned in agony as Jason shook his head and grabbed the remote.
“Let’s watch quality television.” Jason said as he changed the channel to a cooking channel.
“I agree with Master Jason.” Alfred said appearing next to Jason with a martini glass and making them all flinch in varying degrees.
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Bruce walked in to the living room and looked at the television curiously. He looked at Dick who was reading a book and sat down next to the young man.
“No tv today, chum?” Bruce asked. Dick put his book down and grinned.
“Nah, I’m all caught up.” Dick said. “Why? Did you wanna watch?” He laughed at the distressed look on the older man’s face.
“I’ll pass. I hear them in real life enough as it is.” Bruce said. “Are you excited to get your cast off tomorrow?”
“Yes! I like this new kind of cast that lets air in and out* and I can scratch any itch but I really want to bend my leg.” Dick said.
“You’re going to take it easy.” Bruce said. Dick gave him a look. “Your first test is a charity gala.”
“Oh?” Dick asked then thought about it. The stare Bruce was giving him made his eyes widen. “Oh!”
“Please don’t try to out queen, Queen.” Bruce said as he patted Dick’s shoulder.
“Oh please, he wishes he could out queen me.” Dick said and ignored Bruce’s eye roll. Too bad none of his brothers were around. Bruce seemed to only roll his eyes around him and Alfred. “I’m bringing a date.”
“Hm.” Bruce grunted while narrowing his eyes at him.
“It’s not Roy. Although it could be.” Dick said and kept himself from rolling his eyes as the older man pursed his lips in annoyance. “You’ll see B.”
“Right.” Bruce said and relaxed into the couch as Dick went back to his book.
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“So Bruce said I can’t be a bitch like Oliver.” Dick said to Wally, his date for the night.
“Isn’t Hal a bitch like Oliver?” Wally asked as he stuffed his face. Dick grinned at his best friend and kissed the red heads cheek.
“I missed you.” Dick said. “Now how should I do this?”
“Just go over there, flash that smile, show dat booty, and bat those baby blues. You’ll steal the show and the hearts.” Wally said.
“You know how to build a guy’s confidence.” Dick said as he straightened his bow tie and headed straight into the fray.