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Kara had been so afraid of losing Cat, that she had decided to swallow back her feelings, and bear the heartache. Hiding the fact that she was absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with her and she had been very successful at doing so …
She couldn’t lose Cat.
She just couldn’t.
So, when Cat looked her dead in the eyes and said the one sentence she desperately didn’t want to hear, she almost collapsed…
Cat was leaving. And it didn’t seem like she planned on returning.
Cat looked at her worriedly as she gently helped her sit down on the couch. “Kara? Are you okay, Darling?”
Kara shook her head. Because no, she wasn’t. She would never be okay if she didn’t have Cat by her side. She would never be okay without Cat. “I don’t want you to go.” She croaked out; her entire body shaking from holding back her emotions.
Cat swallowed thickly, pain and regret clear as day in her eyes. Kara wished she knew what she was thinking. “Darling, I’m a shark trapped in a tank here, swimming around in circles with no real place to go. I’ve done all that I can do here.”
Kara didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to hold Cat back if she truly felt trapped, but if she left… what did that mean for them? What did that mean for her?
“I-I can’t imagine being here without you.” Kara whispered, her emotions betraying her and making her voice crack. “The truth is, I need you now more than I ever have. I-,”
“You’ve never needed me, Kara. You’re a hero all on your own. I just gave you a little push now and then.” Cat interrupted.
Kara looked up at Cat, her eyes welling up with tears, her heart shattering. “I’m really going to miss you. I don’t know how I’ll be able to do this without you.”
At that, Cat seemed to become emotional too, and she walked over to Kara. “Oh, Kara.” She said, her vice wavering as well. “You will rise to the occasion.”
Kara shook her head. “I don’t know if that’s true.”
“It is.” Cat said with a smile. “Trust me, Darling. It is.”
At that, Kara could do nothing else but stand up and wrap Cat into a tight hug.
Their first hug.
“You are going to do extraordinary things, Kara.” Cat whispered. “Because you were wrong when you told me that you aren’t special. You are. You are exceptional.”
Kara couldn’t contain her tears any longer. “Thank you.” She replied. “You have no idea how much that means to me coming from you.”
XXX
Cat had only been gone a week, but Kara had lost all motivation to go anywhere… Not even as Supergirl. She would only go out for the extreme emergencies. And even then, as soon as the direct threat was taken care of, she would vanish back into her hidey-hole… Her bedroom.
She didn’t even go to work. It was too painful. Cat should be there.
She hated herself; she had been too afraid to tell Cat that she was in love with her because she was afraid of losing her, and now she’d lost her forever anyway.
She cried harder. What would have happened if she had told her? What would have happened if she hadn’t been such a coward? Would Cat have given them a chance? Would Cat have given her a sympathetic smile and told her that it was unprofessional? Would Cat have laughed in her face and told her to clean out her desk?
She would never know… And that killed her.
“Kara. This isn’t healthy. You need to get your shit together. There are other people out there.” Alex said as she threw a pillow at Kara’s head. “Get up. You at least need to eat.”
Kara groaned and used the pillow Alex had thrown at her to cover her face. “Go away, Alex.”
“No.” Alex said stubbornly, climbing onto Kara’s bed and putting a knee on each side of Kara’s torso so that she had better leverage to pull the pillow off of Kara’s face… But it was of no use; Kara was the strongest living being on the planet, and Alex was just a mere human. She huffed. “God damnit Kara, JUST GO TELL HER!”
That got Kara to finally take the pillow off of her face. She stared angrily at Alex. “Why? So that she can reject me and send me back to National City anyway?”
“Well, you’ve already ‘lost’ her, right?” Alex queried. “So what could telling her about your feelings do that’s not already been done?”
“Hurt my pride. Break my heart.” Kara answered she turned onto her side, knocking Alex back onto the bed so that Kara was facing away from her.
Alex frowned, and placed a comforting hand on Kara’s back. “If she rejects you, you will have closure, Kara. You’ll be able to move on.”
At that, Kara abruptly turned around. “There is no moving on from her, Alex! Don’t you understand that?”
“Then go tell her how you feel anyway. What is it going to hurt? She’s already gone. She can’t leave again.” Alex said. “And if she’s dumb enough to reject you, I’ll be at my apartment ready to comfort you through the heartbreak.”
Kara contemplated Alex’s advice for a long moment and realized that she was right. She’d already lost Cat, all she could do now was risk looking like a fool… And maybe she was one. But she was a lovestruck one, and she was desperate. “Okay.” She nodded. “Okay. You’re right. There’s really nothing left to lose except my dignity, and I don’t really even have that anymore.”
Alex frowned at that, but seemed to think better of responding, which Kara appreciated.
She got out of bed and used her super speed to do her hair and then get into her Supersuit. “I’ll be back… Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.”
Alex smiled… She didn’t think Kara would need any luck at all, if she were honest.
XXX
Kara listened for Cat’s heartbeat, and followed it all the way to Hawaii… That must’ve been her first stop.
She took a shaky breath and then knocked on the door to the secluded cabin on the Koke’e mountain.
There was a few moments where there was rushed noise, before she saw Cat peek out of her window, clearly worried that someone nefarious was at the door. At least she’s being safe. Kara thought.
She saw the look of shock on her face, and a few moments later, the door swung open to see a surprised, but seemingly excited Cat dressed in a short skirt and a tank top. “Kara?” She whispered in awe.
Kara waved and gave a tentative smile. “Hi.”
“H-how did you find me? I’m no where near National City.” Cat asked in bewilderment. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, because I certainly am.” She admitted.
Kara smiled, her heart alight with joy at Cat’s happiness caused by her presence… That made her feel special in a way that seemed almost juvenile at this point. “You are?”
Cat gave her a smile that looked so, so sad, and Kara didn’t understand why. “Of course I am. But you didn’t answer my question.” She chuckled, as she made a gesture inviting Kara in.
Kara entered the cabin to see that it was actually quite basic. Something she hadn’t expected to see Cat staying in. She looked all around and then looked at Cat, who was staring at her expectantly, and she realized that Cat was still waiting for her answer. “Oh! Um… I turned my super hearing up and listened for your heartbeat. Then I just followed it all the way here.”
Cat’s face turned tender. “You memorized my heartbeat?”
Kara gave a nervous smile and nodded. “Yes. Of course I did. I memorize all the people that I love’s heartbeats.
Cat’s eyes went wide, and Kara had realized what she had just said… But she found that she wasn’t as terrified as she thought she would be. She needed Cat to know that she was in love with her, and she needed to know how Cat felt about her in return.
“And I’m one of those people?” Cat asked softly.
“Yes.” Kara said determinedly, taking a deep breath and preparing for rejection. “I’ve loved you for years, Cat.” Kara admitted.
Cat swallowed thickly, her breathing becoming shallow, and her heartbeat skyrocketing… Kara didn’t know if that was a good sign or bad.
Cat took a step back from Kara, seemingly steeling herself. “Love as in… Mother figure?” She asked, her voice shaky with emotion; her face saddened.
Kara furrowed her brow her face contorting into one of disgust. “God no.”
Confusion swiped over Cat’s face for a moment before she asked again. “Love as in… Mentor?”
“No. I-,”
Cat interrupted her again. “Then as a friend? Yes?”
Kara shook her head, about to speak again but was interrupted yet again. “Kara quit playing games with me, Dammit!” Cat growled, her breathing ragged, her face full of desperation and rage; taking Kara by surprise. “Why the hell are you here?” Cat asked.
“Because I love you, Cat. And I miss you, and I was a coward for years, but I’m here to fix that now.”
“How were you a coward? What are you fixing?” Cat asked pleadingly, crossing her arms seemingly in an attempt to guard herself from Kara, which confused Kara. Had she already messed this up somehow?
She didn’t know how this was going to go, but she needed to put all her cards on the table. “When I first got to CatCo I thought that you were a very mean woman, but quickly, after the day was over and it was just the two of us I realized that was just a façade to get people to give you the respect that you deserve.” She started, and Cat’s face was confused, so she continued. “After a while, our late nights became my favorite part of my job, and… Well, I started to have a crush on you; and the longer we worked together, the more late nights we shared at the office, working together, talking, laughing, bonding, my crush continued to grow until it turned into something stronger… Love. An unstoppable, untamable, ever-burning, all-consuming love that I’ve never felt in my life. And I was so scared that if I told you, I would lose you… So I was a coward and hid my feelings so that I wouldn’t lose you. But you’ve left, so I’ve already lost you anyway… Which means there’s no reason not to tell you now. So, the reason I came here was to tell you that I’m in love with you. I have been for four years, and I want you, Cat. More than I want air, I want you.”
Cat stared at her. “Kara… You fool!” She chastised, breaking Kara’s heart, so she spoke before Cat could speak and hurt her even more.
“I’m not a fool. I know that you don’t feel the same way for me as I do for you, but I needed to finally get this off my chest. I’ve been miserable without you, and I needed some type of closure, whatever little bit I- Hmph!”
She was shut up by Cat crashing into her and capturing her lips with her own in a fast, desperate, messy kiss. Kara’s eyes widened, unable to believe that this was actually happening. But soon reality came through to her, and she placed her hands on Cat’s hips, pulling her even closer than she already was.
They only broke apart when Cat’s need for air was threatening to render her unconscious, and they rested their foreheads against each other.
“Does… Does that mean you’re willing to give us a shot?” Kara asked hopefully.
Cat laughed breathlessly. “Kara… I’m more than willing…. I have wanted this for years. I’ve been in love with you from the first moment I laid eyes on you. But working with you, and not being able to hold you was agony, and finally, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore, so I left. I tried to come to Hawaii to find some semblance of peace. But even paradise on Earth couldn’t satisfy me the way your kiss just did.”
Kara was elated; but she still had one question… “If you felt the same, why did you never speak up?”
Cat scoffed. “Your fifty-year-old boss, telling you that she’s been madly and hopelessly in love with you for years? That’s a sexual harassment case I couldn’t afford. Plus… I was scared of losing what we had too.” She bit her lip. “Are you sure you want this? Want us?”
Kara nodded, hope and happiness threatening to explode through her pores. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
“This will be very hard, Kara. We will be in the spotlight 24/7… I’m a very famous person. We won’t get much privacy. Not to mentnion I’m an incredibly difficult person to deal with.”
Kara laughed, “I think I can handle dealing with you… I’ve already done that for years.” She grinned.
Cat smiled and gave her a small laugh. “Touché. But that doesn’t take away from my other point… I know how much you value your privacy.”
“I value you, more.” Kara said, collecting Cat’s lips into a heated kiss that set her body on fire with delighted desire. When the kiss ended she looked directly into Cat’s eyes. “Now, will you please come home? I can’t stand being at CatCo without you… I can’t stand being without you.”
Cat nodded. “I can’t stand being without you either.” She gave a small smile. “Take me home, Supergirl.”
And so she did, and they never had to pretend again.