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Detmer stared at the message on her PADD for a long, long time. Her eyes traced over the words again and again, willing them to morph into some other meaning.
"What are you staring at?" asked Reno.
Detmer jumped. Her PADD clattered to the deck, bouncing away, as she scrambled after it, but Reno was much closer. Detmer felt her heart slamming against her rib cage, sweat prickling against her forehead, as Reno picked up the fallen PADD, and glanced at the screen.
"What the hell does 'Send your gracious gift' mean?" Reno's face twisted as she read from the PADD, shooting Detmer a look with narrowed eyes. "Is that your mind control activation phrase?"
Detmer snatched the PADD from Reno's hand, ignoring her lopsided grin.
"It's nothing," said Detmer. She deleted the message and slid the PADD back into her pocket. "Do you need something?"
Reno held her hands up in mock surrender. "Whatever, I just need to make sure you're ready for the evacuation drills."
Right. Of course. "Yeah," said Detmer. She wiped her sleeve across her temple, attempting subtlety as she swiped at the sweat that had begun to drip down the back of her neck. "Yeah, I'm ready."
"Good! You and Owo are last out, so try not to blow up the ship, all right?" Reno winked and gave her a smack on the arm, which made Detmer flinch. She gritted her teeth, feigning a smile. "Yikes," said Reno. "It'll be fine, kid! Just push a few buttons, jump in a pod, and we can check off this year's safety training." She walked off down the hallway, leaving Detmer alone with her impossible task.
Detmer leaned heavily against the bright wall of the corridor, and pressed her palms against her eyelids until she saw stars. She allowed herself three deep breaths to get it together, then straightened up, and headed for the bridge.
Detmer didn't have time to waste. She had a murder to plan.
* * *
"95% evacuated," said Owosekun. She tapped through her control panel, and Detmer found herself staring at Owo's fingers as they danced over the holo screens.
The evacuation plan was going perfectly. The crew had easily dealt with the Computer's randomized difficulty enhancements, including the fire warnings that had required rerouting a quarter of the crew to the backup evacuation pods. Detmer watched the last few pods clear the minimum distance from the ship on her own control panel. She swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump that had been growing in her throat since this morning. Since she got that message.
"Last pods clear," said Detmer, hoping Owo wouldn't notice the way her voice cracked. She glanced over, but Owosekun was engrossed in her controls, carefully powering down each of the ship's systems. Detmer pressed her hand against her thigh, tracing the outline of the knife she'd slipped into her pocket. A blaster was strapped to her belt, and she sent a silent wish to the universe that she'd never need the knife.
Her best friend deserved better than that.
Detmer felt her pulse spiking, and willed her heart to settle. The lights flickered off in the bridge, leaving the two of them lit only by the blue glow of their control panels. Owosekun looked over at her, and got to her feet.
"Systems powered down, evacuation complete minus the two of us. Good work, partner." she said with a smile spreading across her face. "Ready to go?"
Detmer nodded, dumbly, and closed down her controls. The ship was eerily quiet with its engines powered down, and Detmer found the silence wiggle its way into her bones, leaving her jumpy and on edge as they made their way to their escape pod. This year's evacuation drill had included a complete shutdown of comms – mimicking yet another potential disaster to raise the difficulty of the drill and test possible weaknesses – but Detmer found herself checking her communicator anyway.
When the drill ended, the Computer would power everything back up, and things would go back to normal. Everyone would make their way back to the ship, congratulate themselves on jumping through another bureaucratic hoop in the name of safety, and Detmer would have to tell her story.
Her story of why one crew member hadn't made it back.
Owosekun unlocked the pod's doors, and gallantly gestured Detmer inside. Detmer tried a smile, but knew she only managed a grimace by how Owo's head tilted to the side, a hint of concern flashing across her face.
"Come on," said Owo, putting her hand on Detmer's forearm and leading her inside the pod. "We're almost done." She shook her head, and reached around Detmer to close the pod's doors. "You sit," said Owo. "You've been stressing too much about this whole evac drill. I'll fly us out." Owosekun guided Detmer into a seat in the back of the pod, and then climbed into the pilot's chair.
Detmer's limbs felt heavy and stiff. She closed her eyes, sucking in breaths, and clenched her jaw. She could do this. She needed to do this. She didn't have a fucking choice, and delaying it wasn't making it any easier. She felt the rumble of the pod leaving the Discovery, the settling of the thrusters as Owosekun guided the pod towards their designated waiting place.
She heard the little noises of confusion Owosekun made as the pod controls didn't do what she told them to, instead veering their pod along some pre-programmed course she couldn't override. Detmer willed herself to her feet, and faced toward the back of the pilot's chair, her arm raised.
"Hey, Detmer, I think something's wrong with the–"
The sound of Detmer's blaster powering up cut her off.
Owosekun turned her head slowly. Her eyes landed on the blaster pointed at her, and then slid up Detmer's shaking arm to meet her gaze.
"Keyla," said Owosekun, her voice pinched, barely louder than a whisper. "What are you doing?"
Detmer swallowed thickly, not knowing when the tears had started falling, not bothering to try to stop them. "I'm–" she swallowed again, "I'm so sorry."
Owosekun, to her credit, didn't seem to panic. She looked at Detmer with her eyebrows pulled together. She shook her head, slowly, and began to rise from her seat at the helm.
"Don't," said Detmer, barely choking the word out.
Owosekun paused, the corners of her lips turning down, her eyes still locked on Detmer's. Her tongue slowly wet her lips, and Detmer watched her friend run through what must be a thousand questions in her mind, before finally speaking again.
"Why?"
A hot pain clenched in Detmer's chest, and she squeezed the blaster tighter. She clenched her eyes shut, trying to squeeze away the tears, and said, "Cranial implants don't come cheap."
When she opened her eyes, Owosekun was a blur.
Detmer slammed backward from the force of Owosekun's fist connecting with her stomach, knocking the air from her lungs. The blaster went clattering across the floor as Owosekun twisted her arm, her strength pushing the two of them towards the back of the pod.
Desperation bubbled up in Detmer. She shifted her weight, leaned into Owosekun's momentum, and sent her friend flipping over her head and into the wall behind her.
The two women gasped for breath. Owosekun was already getting her legs under her, ready to pounce again.
Detmer scrambled to her feet, her eye implant scanning the heat signatures in the pod for traces of the blaster.
There. Beneath to co-pilot's seat.
She lunged for it, but her feet were swept out from beneath her. Angling her body as she fell, Detmer landed hard on her side but still reached for the blaster. She watched the blaster slide out of reach as she was yanked across the floor of the pod, back toward Owosekun, who had hold of one of her legs.
Panic welled up in Detmer's throat. She was not the better fighter, and they both knew it.
Detmer kicked her free leg towards Owosekun's face and she easily dodged, but it gave Detmer just enough time to fish the knife from her pocket.
Detmer lunged, catching Owosekun off guard. She let Owosekun grab her left arm, knocking it out of the way. Detmer's right hand slipped between their bodies, wielding the hidden knife.
Owosekun was faster, stronger, more competent at fighting – all these thoughts slammed into Detmer's mind as Owosekun knocked the knife from her hand and sent it skidding across the pod's floor. Owosekun flipped her over, hands slamming Detmer's wrists to the floor, legs straddling her waist to pin her helplessly beneath her.
The two women breathed heavily, gazes locked together.
"What the fuck!" said Owosekun, eyes searching Detmer's face. Detmer cringed under her gaze, tears of shame blurring her vision and threatening to drown her. She turned her head to the side, clenching her eyes shut, trying to wish that she had just ended this with the blaster when she had the chance but unable to put any determination behind the thought.
Owosekun shook her, slamming Detmer's arms into the floor of the pod. "Look at me," she yelled. She gave Detmer another painful shake.
Detmer reluctantly opened her eyes, and looked up. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"I don't care that you're sorry, Detmer," she hissed. "You're going to tell me what the fuck that was– right– now." She slammed Detmer's wrists against the floor with each of her words.
Detmer closed her eyes, unable to take Owosekun's pained gaze any longer.
"I fucked up," said Detmer.
"Yeah, no shit. Talk. Now."
Detmer fumbled for words. "After... after the Binaries– I had these headaches that wouldn't go away, I couldn't see straight, I couldn't walk straight." Detmer let out a small whimper. "They put me on a waiting list. It was a war, a full out war -- one junior officer with a fucked up brain was low on the list of priority surgeries."
"What did you do?"
Detmer squirmed, opening her eyes but only looking at Owosekun's collar, not daring to meet her gaze. "I found a guy who could fix it. I didn't have the money. I didn't have parents, I–" Detmer swallowed, more tears welling up in her eyes, this time from her own self-loathing at being so unbelievably stupid. "I didn't have anyone with that kind of money. So I borrowed it, from a guy on Brinda IV. He didn't want money, he wanted–" Detmer finally glanced up at Owosekun's beautiful, brown eyes, struggling to find the words.
"Me? He wanted me dead?" Owosekun's voice was incredulous, and she barked out a laugh. "Why the fuck would someone want me dead? I'm a nobody."
"He didn't–" Detmer stammered, "He wanted a seat at the helm. Of the Discovery."
They were both silent for a while. Detmer's tears started up again, and this time she didn't try to stop the sobs.
"I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm so, so sorry, Owo, I should have given him my chair, I couldn't– I could never–" She clenched her eyes shut. "He's dangerous. He's going to get his seat no matter what, and if I leave this pod then he'll kill me and it will be horrible– I know I'm a coward and I don't deserve it but you have to kill me, Owo, please." She looked up at Owosekun's eyes, still staring down at her, Owosekun's face unreadable. "Only one of us can leave this pod, and I can't– I can't kill you. I just can't."
Owosekun leaned back, letting go of Detmer's wrists but still sitting astride her waist. Detmer stayed in place for a moment, waiting for the end, but Owosekun continued to just stare down at her. Eventually, Detmer cautiously moved her arms, and when Owosekun didn't make a move to stop her, Detmer used her sleeve to wipe away her tears and snot. Then she clutched her arms to her chest, and waited.
"I'm not going to kill you, Detmer."
Detmer shook her head. "I can– I can just... throw myself out the airlock. You don't have to do it. I'll make it look like an accident." She was rambling.
"Stop," said Owosekun. "Look at me." She leaned down, framing Detmer's head with her forearms, until their faces were mere centimetres apart. Detmer did as she was told, searching Owosekun's eyes, mind racing with something between panic and acceptance of her unavoidable fate. Owosekun sighed, and Detmer shivered as her breath brushed against her face.
"Neither of us is going to die today, Detmer."
Detmer opened her mouth to protest, but Owosekun pressed a thumb to Detmer's lips, fingers tilting her chin up so she had to look her in the eye.
"We're leaving here, together, and we're going to settle your debt."
Detmer protested, and the feeling of her lips moving against Owosekun's thumb sent electric shocks down her spine. "Owo, we can't. It's a suicide mission."
The warm pad of Owosekun's thumb drifted to the side of her mouth, and Owosekun brought her hand up to cup Detmer's cheek.
Detmer couldn't help herself. She turned her face into Owosekun's hand, and let her lips press against the soft, warm palm. She murmured against her skin, and said, "I can't let you die for my stupid decisions."
Owosekun tilted Detmer's face back up towards her own. Against all odds, a smile was playing against Owosekun's lips. Their noses brushed as Owosekun softly shook her head back and forth, whispering, "I can't let you die for your stupid decisions either."
Detmer laughed, surprising herself. "I tried to kill you."
It was Owosekun's turn to laugh, and Detmer felt the rumble of her lungs. "You weren't trying. I could tell from the moment you let me knock away the blaster. You've got better hands than that. You were baiting me, hoping I would make this easier for you."
Their lips were almost touching at that point, every tiny movement threatening to close the space between them.
"I don't deserve you," Detmer whispered. "Why? Why are you so good to me?"
"Because you're a good person – no matter how stupid you are. Because... it feels like you're part of me." Owosekun's lips drifted even closer, their lips brushing as she spoke. "Because I fucking love you, Keyla Detmer."
And then Owosekun was kissing her, lips pressed so hard to hers that they threatened to bruise. Detmer's shock lasted only a fraction of second, and then she was wrapping her arms around Owosekun's neck, locking them together.
At that moment, their communicators buzzed back to life, beeping no doubt with alerts and messages from the crew. The two helmswomen simultaneously dug the devices from their pockets, without breaking their kiss, and sent them clattering across the escape pod. Their hands grappled for each other, a hand cupping the back of Detmer's neck, a hand gripping Owosekun's uniform, their legs tangling as they pressed each other to the floor of the escape pod.
Their stupid plan could wait.