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One thing Ludwig noticed about Alfred when he’d visit was that the younger nation acted differently at his place than when he was at World Conferences with others. To them, he was bubbly, energetic, sometimes loud, and interruptive depending on the day. The German could never blame him, the poor man needed some sort of stimuli on him to be quiet and prevent literally screaming out in frustration.
Ludwig could easily recall when he had given Alfred one of those fidget cubes as a spontaneous gift, earning him a huge smile and a kiss on the cheek. He had immediately tried every single side of the cube figuring his favorite (it was the joystick). A bit of pride always filled him when he’d notice the familiar white and blue in Alfred’s hands during meetings, knowing the gift was a good idea.
That was beside the point now, though. At his place and around Ludwig, he didn’t have that same bubbly personality as at meetings, during interviews, and talks with officials. He was much quieter, sometimes too quiet. He was often in thought, and Ludwig mentally pointed out that when he wasn’t smiling as much, his age was showing. He wasn’t all that old, but you could see the dark circles and tiredness in his eyes. The American would wander around the house aimlessly, very sluggishly at that.
Something the taller blonde caught on to immediately that made him almost cry and hug Alfred on spot was the personal name-calling. Usually, when he messed something up, he’d laugh it off, spout a cuss word from the top of his head. But when he was alone it was different. Ludwig had caught him multiple times in predicaments, usually over chores, work, or dinner.
One thing goes wrong, and the murmurs of “Way to go dumbass.” “Good job fuckup.” “Fatass.” “I’m so stupid!” and many more would pursue.
It would at least provide comfort to Ludwig if he had a lighthearted tone, or meant it jokingly. But he always said it with that tired face, looking genuinely distraught over a simple mistake. Sometimes it led him to get angry enough to hit himself and have full-on meltdowns, everything from that week crashing around him. Ludwig could easily tell you that restraining someone stronger than you is not easy, especially when you’re untangling their hands from their hair because they had already ripped hair from their scalp.
He knew it was bad when he was sitting downstairs, letting Alfred finish his work in the studying room. He’d been petting the dogs mindlessly when there was a bit of clatter, causing the German to jump up to alertness.
Alfred hadn’t been doing too well that day. Even at the meeting, he seemed to be less cheerful. He’d brushed it off as not getting enough sleep, but Ludwig was sure that wasn’t the case here.
“FUCK!” The American screamed from behind the door, causing Ludwig to step back. He wasn’t in a great mood. Opening the door, he saw Alfred against the wall, scratching rapidly at his scalp. The pencil holder was now on the floor, which was probably the reason there was a crash.
“Alfred.” Ludwig started. His boyfriend didn’t seem to notice him. “Stop that, please.”
When there was still no response, he walked over to grab the other’s arms, causing the other to tense up. At least he had stopped the scratching. Now that he could see his face, Alfred just looked at him with one of the saddest expressions he’d seen on that pretty face. His eyes were watery and puffy, probably from stress crying. His eyebrows were scrunched tightly together, to try and maintain some sort of composure before crying again.
“Lud...”
“What’s going on?” Ludwig’s voice dropped in volume, afraid he’d overwhelm the other more if he was too loud.
Alfred shook away the german’s grip, walking over to the desk.
“Economic matters.” He started, picking up a stack of papers.
“That doesn’t seem all too bad...”
Alfred looked at him with a tired face and let the top paper fall to the ground. “Another country begging for assistance.” A paper fell again. “A corrupt police investigation, a plan for repaying the national debt, and another fucking cry for help from someone here because they’re watching the world die and are terrified!” Alfred dropped the remaining stack onto the ground, the only sound ringing in his ears being his heartbeat.
He felt himself walking backward, though something blocked his path. Ludwig. Feeling strong arms wrapped around his body broke him, and he let himself cry. He couldn’t hold back his emotions, put on a facade. Of course, he didn’t have to around Ludwig, but he at least wanted to be strong right now, and he couldn’t even manage that.
“You know... I sometimes wish I could live like a person.” he started, his crying starting to settle. “I’ve been through a revolution, a civil war. Dragged into terrifying fights I never wanted to join in the first place. And now all I can do is be a stupid fucking idiot who doesn’t know how to fix all these problems..” he leaned his head down into one of the arms around him, letting his eyes close. “I’m so tired, Lud, so fucking tired.”
The room was silent for a bit, the two standing quiet aside from Alfred’s ragged breathing. The American picked his head up after a while, wiping the remaining tear tracks. Ludwig let go of him, stepping back before offering a hand.
“How about we get you to relax tonight, ja?” He moved to the doorway before looking down the hall and back. “Komm jetzt.”
After a few minutes of waiting in the living room, Ludwig smiled softly at the sound of quiet shuffling coming down the hall, Alfred coming into view.
“Hey, handsome.”
“Please Lud, I look like a mess.” He flopped onto the couch, immediately being swarmed by the three dogs.
“Wait right here, I’ll be right back, okay?” Ludwig pressed a gentle kiss to Alfred’s forehead before walking into the kitchen. The latter pet the dogs, listening to the gentle clatter coming from the kitchen. It wasn’t too long before Ludwig returned with a tray, two mugs being balanced on top.
He set it down on the side table of the couch, handing over the mug with red and blue fireworks to his boyfriend, the other shivering at the warmth. He took his own, blowing gently to cool down the drink.
“Coffee?”
“Hot chocolate. Figured you’d want some.” Their eyes met for a second, and Ludwig could see the appreciative look on the other’s face for a moment before it was covered with the mug.
It wasn’t long before the hot chocolate was gone, mugs discarded to the side table quickly. Alfred immediately crawled into Ludwig’s open arms, snuggling into the other for warmth. Silence filled the air until Alfred spoke.
“There’s so much I have to do...”
“Worry about it tomorrow.”
“But-“
“No.” Ludwig looked at Alfred’s face properly, lifting a hand to hold the side of his face. “You have a lot, but you can get it done later. You need rest, okay?”
Alfred exhaled before smoking and closing his eyes, letting his head fall into the hand holding it. “God I love you, Lud.”
“I love you too, Freddie.”
It wasn’t long before Ludwig felt the body above him go slack, breathing even with a small snore here and there. The other chuckled, gently picking Alfred up bridal style and carrying him to the bedroom to let him properly rest.