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Pain. Agonizing pain.
Blood-curdling screams mixed with pleads for mercy.
Fear. Anger. Loss.
The boy shivered in his sleep tossing and turning, a cold sweat working its way through his body.
“Momma? Momma...I was a good boy, right? Right??”
The crushing searing pain in his groin. The tug of his skin as he made the first stitch. Hot tears that long ran dry after years of torture.
The Owl. The sadistic, evil Owl. It’s taunting laugh and blood lust. It’s satisfaction in taking his leg, watching the severed limb bleed out on the concrete.
Blood. Blood everywhere.
The smell of death, the flicker of life as it drained from Shinohara-san’s eyes. Nothing. Gone. Alone.
“I’m sorry, I’ll give you anything you want! So please, don’t kill me!”
I’m sorry, Momma. I don’t hate you... this is just my job… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… Don’t hate me...
“Don’t get the wrong idea! I never loved-”
Juuzou shot up in bed with a gasp, barely able to breathe. From head to toe he was drenched in sweat and shaking like a leaf. It all felt too real, all like it was just yesterday. His dreams were so vivid it was as if he was still there, but he wasn't, he was safe now.
He looked down at his clothes. A stained white T-shirt from the zoo Shinohara-san always took him to.
Stained… just like…
He threw back the covers looking down. His dream felt so real he almost expected for his entire groin to be drenched in blood the way Momma left him that cold night. For some reason he still felt the need to check, maybe the darkness of the room was playing tricks on his eyes, maybe old wounds opened or Momma somehow found a way to give him yet another scar.
He reached down scared. If there was blood, there would be pain. The kind of pain he hadn’t experienced in years.
He rested his hand in his lap nervously. No wet warmth of blood. No pain of being crushed. That was years ago. So many years ago when he was still a young boy.
He looked around the moonlight room. This was home. Home to him and the four other men that depended on each other. The four other men that loved and cared for him. Not like Shinohara-san did, but at least it was still unconditional, just not the love of a father. He loved and cared for them as well. Probably something akin to a sibling bond - something he had never known before now. They were all like brothers to him. All except for one. All except for Hanbee. Hanbee was...special.
The way Juuzou loved him was different, and the way Hanbee loved him was different. Juuzou didn’t understand the difference though. It was almost like the love he had for Shinohara-san, except he felt more of a need to protect Hanbee and constantly stay by his side. He wanted to be there to watch him learn and grow, he wanted to watch him face his fears and to be the one that helped him do that. He wanted to be the one Hanbee came running to with good news, or the shoulder he cried on when the news wasn't so good. He never wanted to leave his side, and so long as Hanbee let him, he would stay there. He loved Hanbee, but it was different. He didn’t understand why or how it was different so he didn’t question it much. He was simply happy to be by the Hanbee’s side. Hanbee brought him happiness and comfort.
Comfort...
That's exactly what he needed right now.
Juuzou slid back the covers and hopped out of bed. Standing up he could feel the cold air hit his sweat-drenched body.
Disgusting, he thought, sticking his tongue out and scrunching up his nose.
He quickly grabbed a new shirt from his drawer, tossing off the old one, and made his way down the hall pulling on the new one.
It was probably well after midnight. The only one who might still be up was Mikage, but if he was, he was probably sitting on the balcony watching the stars or some other weird thing as usual. Plenty distracted by the universe to ignore his squad leader.
Juuzou crept past the other men's rooms hoping not to wake them. It wasn’t uncommon for him to sneak into Hanbee’s room for whatever various reason, however, he was sure he looked like hell and didn't want his weakness to be put on display for his subordinates. But Hanbee was different. Hanbee always overlooked his weaknesses and reminded him they were strengths in their own way. Such an odd thing to believe, but the way he said it almost made Juuzou think it was true.
As quietly as he could he slipped into the man's room, closing the door behind him.
Hanbee's room was far brighter than his. Juuzou had grown accustomed to the dark again. It no longer caused him the fear and anxiety it once did. Leaving the curtains open for the moonlight was sufficient enough for him, opposed to Hanbee who not only had the curtain open, but more than one nightlight in the large spacious room.
The squad leader giggled to himself. 'What a scardey-cat', he thought.
Hanbee didn’t move when he opened the door so he assumed he was still dead asleep. Cute. Like a big sleepy teddy bear.
"Hanbeeeee~" He whispered creeping closer.
He watched as the man's face barely twitched. He was definitely still asleep. For such a nervous guy, he slept like a rock.
Juuzou kneeled down on the floor, resting his arms on the bed to watch Hanbee’s calm sleeping face. He wished he was asleep like that right now...
"Hanbee!" He whispered louder to no avail. Hanbee was out cold.
Juuzou tsked as he rounded the other side of the bed. There was plenty of room for him to sneak in without disturbing him anyways. Hanbee wouldn't mind. He never minded anything Juuzou did so long as he took care of himself. The thought made him smile. No one cared about him the way Hanbee did.
He slipped under the covers and wrapped himself in the blanket. It was warm and comfortable, it felt safe, as if all his worries melted away the moment he slipped into Hanbee's bed. The memories couldn't find him here.
He decided for good measure to turn and face Hanbee. No matter how far their distance on the battlefield, as long as he could see Hanbee he knew he was safe and no one could overtake either one of them. If the nightmares somehow found him here, all he had to do was open his eyes to see Hanbee and know they couldn’t hurt him anymore.
He decided scootching a tad close couldn't hurt either. They still both had plenty of room to themselves anyways. He was content like this. The bed smelt of the other man, and with Hanbee's back to him, he could smell the man's fruity shampoo.
Juuzou smiled as he closed his eyes in hopes of sleeping, he was glad Hanbee was still using his favorite shampoo. The other smelt too manly, but this one smelled like vanilla cake topped with all sorts of fresh fruit. When they found it at the store he insisted Hanbee had to buy it, superior’s orders of course, and like a perfect subordinate, he followed without question. Juuzou didn’t want to have to tell him it was because he liked playing with his hair and this way it would smell even better.
Together they had created many fond memories and helped each other through the not so fond ones. They made a perfect team. It reminded him of the kind of team Shinohara-san and his wife made. He wondered if he would be proud of the man he was becoming. He wished Hanbee could have met Shinohara-san before what happened. Next time he visited him he would be sure to tell him more about Hanbee. Of course he had a million times in the past, but he could never get tired of talking about Hanbee. Hanbee made him happy and made him feel like everything would be okay and that’s all that mattered.
---
Hanbee went to pull the covers tighter around him but they wouldn’t budge. He tugged again and again but still they wouldn't move. He must have been laying on top of them, wonderful... he was so comfortable too… With an exhausted sigh, he rolled over pulling the covers again hoping to free them out from under him but was instead met face to face with a lump of covers. A very small lump with messy black hair peeking out from the top. If he listened closely, he could even hear its ever so slight snore.
Well, that explained the issue with his blankets, but now he had a new issue. If Suzuya-san was in his bed that could only mean he must have had a nightmare. Thankfully, it looked as if he was peacefully sound asleep now though. He smiled down at the boy. Knowing he came to him for comfort did something to his heart. He wasn’t as strong or smart as Suzuya-san, but he would do his best for him no matter what, and if that meant having an open spot in his bed when his leader had nightmares, he could easily do that.
He thought for a moment - was he just supposed to just go back to sleep? Was he supposed to check if Suzuya-san was okay? He wasn’t exactly sure what someone was supposed to do in this situation, so he instead went with what the man currently huddled in his bed always told him.
'Always go with your gut instinct. That’s the only time your head, heart, and emotions are in agreement. If you keep thinking they’ll start arguing with each other and you’ll never know what to do. That's how you get killed on the battlefield. That's also how you chose the wrong dessert.’
Hanbee nodded his head as if agreeing with Suzuya-san's words in the past. He’d go with his gut instinct.
He maneuvered just enough covers to keep warm before carefully settling in facing the other. He wrapped his arm around Juuzou and held him close, resting his chin against the top of his head.
Suzuya-san would always be safe with him and he’d always be safe with Suzuya-san.