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The day announced its departure as the sky started turning into a deep índigo.
Summer nights were always the best of both worlds for Sunny, just chilly enough to make the heat more bearable.
He was visiting his childhood town, wanting to spend more time with his friends.
He has been staying at Kel and Hero’s house, having just come back from his own.
Maybe it was too soon, but he felt that he needed more time to talk to them, the day he confessed everything still ringing in his mind, his departure after that was too sudden, leaving lots of things unsaid.
They were going to eat at Gino’s, to celebrate his come back. Kel was the one that suggested it. Aubrey protested, arguing that they always go there and maybe they should do something different for him.
To stop their bickering, Sunny admitted that he was missing the taste of his childhood pizza.
Kel looked smugly at Aubrey, then she promptly threatened to smash his basketball if he didn’t shut up. However, he decided to keep messing with her, pulling out his tongue, making her even more annoyed.
Still, there was no animosity between them. Sunny was glad that his friends have been doing well, both of them were the first to talk to him after his confession.
Kel moved first. Sunny had just confessed and now he was a sobbing mess. Kel went to his friend, still shocked from learning the truth. But he understood it. Maybe he was just being stupid, but he knows that Sunny has been suffering too. He was still his best friend, and he was going to be with him no matter what.
He hugged Sunny, “It’s ok, bud.” his tears were threatening to spill over “You don’t have to be alone anymore, whatever happens, I’m going to be there for you.” His voice was quiet, but still determined.
Sunny cried even more in Kel's hold, he felt like he didn’t deserve this comfort, that he didn’t deserve his forgiveness. But he decided to ignore these feelings. He told them the truth and promised to forgive himself, what his friends decide from this point forward was their choice alone.
On their way to Gino’s, he looked around his group. Kel and Aubrey were talking a lot, flipping between being annoyed and laughing with each other. Basil was there too, he was trying to keep up with the conversation, but his nervousness made him not speak a lot.
They were discussing what they should do while Sunny was still here, already planning a bunch of different activities for the summer, asking here and there for Sunny’s opinion.
“Next week we need to go to the beach! It’s going to be the hottest day in summer, it’s perfect!” Kel argued, looking proud of his suggestion.
“No, did you take a look at Sunny? He is so pale, he’s going to burn there! We instead should go ice skating, a cold place for the hottest day, makes sense to me” Aubrey argued back, seemingly concerned for him.
“What?!? That’s exactly why he needs to go to the beach! He needs to get some tan y’know? And what’s that about ice skating?! You only suggested that because you know I’m bad at it!”.
Aubrey was now holding back a laugh. Basil decided this was probably the best moment to chime in.
“M-maybe we can go camping? I think it wouldn’t be too hot, and Sunny c-could still get some activity from it...” he quietly said, simultaneously not wanting to interrupt whatever Kel and Aubrey were saying, while still wanting to get his idea out.
“Sunny! What do you choose?!” Kel and Aubrey said at the same time, looking at him expectantly, like the question were more like ‘who do you side with?'.
Sunny contemplates, he still wasn't used to talking much, his confession probably being the most he has ever talked. But he was getting better at it.
He breaths in and out.
“Camping sounds nice...” is what he decides to say after some time. His voice was raspy and dry. It's clear to everyone that he hadn't talk for a long time.
The bickering duo exclaims their bewilderment at his betrayal. He hears a very quiet celebration from Basil for his option being the one chosen.
He couldn’t help but smile at this, it made him feel nostalgic. Kel and Aubrey annoying each other, Basil trying to mediate but failing, and him being silent, only listening to everything.
But something was still amiss. He looked back to see Hero. Ever since he came back he hadn’t talked much. Even now, he was silent, even more than he himself was.
He was looking at Sunny, but then quickly averted his gaze from him.
He couldn't help but recall that day again.
Kel separated from him to give him some space, Sunny wiped the tears from his face, breathing steadily now.
Then he noticed Hero approaching him, he had been silent this whole time apparently paralyzed from what he heard.
Kel seemed to notice something strange that he didn’t catch at first, quickly going between him and Hero.
Looking closely, he saw what caught Kel’s attention, Hero’s hands were formed into tight fists.
“Y-you...” “Hero, stop!” “All this time, it was you...” His voice was filled with anger and frustration, Kel tried to stop whatever his brother was going to do, but it was in vain.
Hero picked him by the collar, Sunny could see his eyes, they were red from crying, his expression could only be described as enraged.
He thought if he was going to hit him, that would be fine, he himself felt as if he deserved it, and if it made his friend feel better (if he even could call him that anymore), then so be it.
“No Hero stop it! He doesn’t deserve this!” He tried to reason with his brother, and if these words reached him or not, it didn’t matter.
He kept holding him there, glaring at him, they stayed like this for seemed like minutes, he hasn’t said anything, whether it was because he wanted to say something more but didn’t quite find the words or will to say them, or if he was expecting him to say something, he didn’t know.
Hero dropped him.
“Whatever” he stormed off from the room, Kel quickly calling his name, he looked back at the situation left behind, Sunny was on the ground looking distant, Basil was still resting in his bed, Aubrey didn’t move, silent tears adorning her face as her hands were at her mouth, she looked like she was barely standing.
“Sorry...” was all he muttered before leaving the room to look for his brother.
He hasn’t seen him since that day, he wondered what he was thinking right now, he wanted to ask so bad, but the words couldn’t leave his mouth.
Before he knew it they were already at Gino’s, Sunny stopped at the door, taking some time to process the change in scenario, before going to sit at the table, Kel and Aubrey went to order the pizza, Basil seeming to sense some tension between Sunny and Hero, decided to go with them.
He was left with Hero alone at the table, the older one still hadn’t said a thing.
He wanted to reach out to him, knew that if he was feeling distraught it was because of him, but he just couldn’t do it, the air around them was oppressive, unsaid words hanging at the distance between them.
‘He needs you, say something!’ his mind yelled at him, his breath hitched, he couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t even move or breath, like even the tiniest sounds would be too much.
‘When are you going to stop being such a coward and start being there for your friends?’ he thought he was doing better, that these feelings wouldn’t bother him anymore, but of course, they were still here, they never left, and now was the perfect opportunity for them to come full force.
Tears were threatening to spill, but thankfully his friend came back, bringing him back to reality.
“Hey guys missed us?” Kel said jokingly, apparently not noticing the tension.
Aubrey and Basil looked at Hero and him, before looking at each other, silently exchanging words.
Before the silence could get unbearable, Aubrey started talking, wanting to alleviate the atmosphere.
“So Sunny, how is your new home? Have you adjusted yet or...?”.
He looked at Aubrey now, her expression was one of concern, it was hard to notice, perhaps she was trying to hide it, if it was because she wanted to look tough or just not worry him, she wouldn’t admit.
But that wouldn’t stop him from worrying.
After Kel left, Aubrey still looked lost, like she was thrown off her base and she didn’t know where to stand anymore.
After some silence he heard someone walking, he looked up and saw her, she looked awful, her smeared make-up combined with the puffy red eyes from crying made her look so tired.
“I-I...” was everything she could say, sparing only a glance at him, she left, leaving Basil and him alone.
A day later she appeared at the hospital again, she was standing at the door of his room, she was quiet, considering what to say to him.
Sunny was looking at her, in hindsight, he was probably making her more nervous because of that
“How are you feeling?” her expression was neutral, maybe she was just looking for small talk, for now at least.
“Fine...” He said after some thought.
“Cool...” the heavy silence started setting in, if they wanted to talk they need to do it now.
“About yesterday...” the one to break it was surprisingly Sunny, he wanted to talk more and he knew she wanted too.
She breaths in hard through her nose, she needs to this.
“Look, I know that something was wrong with you since that day at the park” she looked away before continuing “you looked so pale, skinny, and short... And was carrying a knife”.
“At the time I was annoyed and a little bit surprised too, with all the commotion and you suddenly appearing after four years” her breath was shaky, she was trying to hold it together for what she would say next.
“But after I got home, I couldn’t help but think about you, and I started worrying and asking myself how you must’ve been feeling for these four years” she closes her eyes now.
“I’ve been so conceited that day, only thinking about how you left me, and not how I left you too” her voice sounded frustrated and disappointed.
“You used to listen to me all the time about my troubles, so when we lost her, you weren’t there anymore, nobody was! I was so angry, I thought that everyone was just moving on so fast and leaving me behind” She was crying now, ugly tears rolling down her face.
She opened her eyes and looked at him.
“I’m sorry! sorry that couldn’t be there for you, you were always there for me when I was troubled, but when you needed it couldn’t be there” she had a look of regret on her face.
“It’s okay... I also ran away from everyone... I should’ve been there too” he said, voice shaky, after everything she said it was hard not to feel moved.
They hugged, “you should talk to Basil too... He would really appreciate it” “...I know, he also deserves an apology...”.
They stayed that way for a while, the silence now was comfortable.
“I’m still angry, livid even!” Aubrey exclaimed more lively now, “...But I also think I’m ready to move forward, with everyone too” they separated, he could see her sincere smile, it fitted her.
“I wouldn’t expect anything different” he surprised himself by saying something jokingly, it felt nice.
“You bet!” She smirked, looking at her, he knew they would be fine.
Deciding to focus on the conversation, Sunny thought about the question, looking for the right words.
“It’s nice... different but comfortable...” is what he said, pausing slightly between words.
“That’s n-nice, I hope you're not feeling bored, maybe I could give you one of my plants, y-you know, to distract yourself...” Basil says, joining in the conversation.
He nodded at that, indeed, he sometimes had nothing to do, so having something to take care of could help.
“Great! I already k-know exactly what you should get” he stammered a little “O-of course you can also choose whatever you like, you can come a-at my house any day to see them!”.
Basil looked the most different of them all, he didn’t look so fidgety anymore, the dark rings in his eyes lightened a lot already, overall he looked much livelier, or at least more than last time he saw him.
After everyone left, only he and Basil were left in the room, he stood up, he decided to go see Basil more closely.
He opened his eyes, he looked rough, the events of that night were a little bit fuzzy, the line between what really happened what was only their imagination blurred.
His eye was really damaged, and although he himself didn’t look the best, he would never regret what he did, if it meant saving a friend, that would be enough.
A single tear fell from his eye, he smiled, an expression he was not accustomed to, but there was no better way to express his feelings to his friend.
At that moment he felt the shadows of their sorrow disappearing, even if just a little, they could be free now.
He nodded once more, putting a hand on Basil’s shoulder to signal that it’s okay and he can calm down now.
“That’s cool! Hope you’re not missing us too much, I know that you don’t like to be alone” Aubrey commented, sounding somewhat relieved.
Hero seemed to react to that, shifting in his chair.
Sunny quickly picked it up, eyes darting in his direction, he looked the same, nobody seemed to notice it, maybe he was imagining things.
“Ohh! Tell us Sunny, what having you been doing there!” Kel brightly said, somehow always managing to lighten the mood.
He took his time.
“I’ve been drawing and writing,” he said, voice airy.
“Wow, that’s so cool! Can we see it?!” He said again, always so excited.
“Sorry I... I didn’t bring any...” he felt bad for disappointing his friends “Aw that’s a bummer, but it’s fine! You can draw us something before you go right?”.
He simply nodded at that.
He was unsure if he should say the next part, debating whether it would be a good or bad idea.
He decided that being more honest with his friends was for the best, he prepared himself.
“... I also want to... Play again the... Violin...” ...they went silent, maybe that was a bad idea, he should backtrack and say that he was joking.
He heard another shift, he glanced at Hero again, he looked even more uncomfortable.
“Are you sure dude?” “maybe we’ll need some more explanation to understand that one hehe...” “Y-you are not being pressured right?!”.
He didn’t deserve this much concern and worry from his friends, but a part of him, however small, was glad that they cared so much about him.
He thought of an explanation.
He shakes his head “I want to do it Because it reminds me of...” he sighs, deciding to say something else “because... it’s one of the lasts things I have of her...”.
“I need some air” he hears someone standing up, he sees Hero going out the door.
“Hero wait!” Kel calls for his brother, preparing to go after him.
Sunny stands up instead.
“No, I will go,” he says determinedly.
“You know it’s not your fault, right Sunny?! Hero is just being a prick” Kel tried to argue, but he needed to do this, for the sake of his friend.
“Maybe... But I still need to talk to him”.
Before any of them could protest any further, he already left the place.
He looked around, it was already evening, he couldn’t see anything, losing sight of him.
He managed to ask someone that was at the fountain if they saw him running out from Gino’s and what direction he went.
The girl there said that she did see someone and that they went to the right.
He already had an idea where he could’ve gone, he thanked her and start running as fast as he could.
‘I need to find him now, and don’t know if I will ever have this strength again, so please be there!’ was everything he could think of, he needed to save his friend.
At their secret hangout spot, the moon was reflected by the water in the lake, there were no crickets and there weren’t any fireflies, like the forest sensed the sadness that the place was filled with now, and decided to leave the one who brought it there alone.
Hero was sitting there, he faced the lake, making it impossible to know his expression.
He was silent, when Sunny approached, he didn’t look surprised.
He gazed at the lake as well, it’s been a while since he saw it this way.
Hero spoke first.
“Ever since that day, the day that she died, I felt like part of me was lost forever” his voice was quiet, almost a whisper, it carried a somber tone.
“I remember shutting down, locking myself in my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, that maybe if I noticed something before, she would still be with me” Sunny flinched at that, he already knew this, but hearing again how his lie hurt his friends, it made him feel awful.
“Eventually I hid in my room, I avoided everyone, I didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to go out” he sounded like he was holding back tears “I would cry myself to sleep, only to wake up to this miserable reality where she was not here anymore” He remembered hearing about this from Kel, when they were visiting Mari’s grave.
The first time he heard it, he felt nauseous, his breath hitched and his legs were trembling. How much of a monster was he, he made one of his friends suffer so much because of what he did.
“It stayed like this for almost a year, Kel helped me snap out of it, I recall yelling at him, I was so frustrated, I didn't realize that by staying like this I was hurting the people that cared about me the most” He breathed in, trying to relax for what he had to say next.
“When you told us the truth, at first, a was confused, that maybe this was some kind of a sick joke or maybe you were over blaming yourself, but when you started crying, I felt like the confession was genuine, and every piece of the puzzle started to fit, why there weren’t any signs, why you had a fight with Basil that night” He breathed out, he noticed he started to heat up and needed to calm down.
“Then I saw red, the reason for my suffering right in front me” Sunny felt tears falling down his face, this hurts so much to hear “I wanted to hurt you so bad, and I almost did, but when I saw you up close, I didn’t see fear, your only eye had such a sad look to it, I ended staring at it, not knowing what to do” He let’s out a shaky sigh, he was trembling.
“I-I wanted to hurt you, but I couldn’t, because when I saw your eye, I saw the same look, the same one I had when I looked in the mirror” Sunny turned to look at him, taken aback by what he said, he felt the tears forming again.
“... After you left, I spent time thinking about what you said”.
“I don’t know if it was right to feel this way, but a part of me was relieved, relieved that she was truly happy, that I didn’t miss anything, that when she smiled it was honest and sincere...” His eyes were reflecting the moonlight, looking closer, he looked broken.
His hair was a mess, there were bags under his eyes, his clothes didn’t seem to fit him, it broke Sunny’s heart, he was almost looking just as bad as himself or Basil looked before.
“Then I remembered how you looked that day, your eye seemed so sad, you have been holding that weight alone for such a long time, right?” he looked at him, he didn’t know how to answer, he felt like even a yes or no wouldn’t be right, he could only look away.
“That time I saw you in the lake, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes, you looked so much like what I remembered, that I thought it was impossible for such a thing to even happen, when I confirmed that you were real, I was really glad, it felt comfortable being with you, life had changed so much since the last time we were together, you felt like a home that I could always come back to relive the old times” He felt his cheeks heat up a bit at the compliments.
“Now that I had time to think about it properly, maybe that wasn’t a good thing” Sunny could feel Hero’s frustration building up “Y-you were the same age as Kel! And yet you didn’t look much older than when we were kids”.
His voice was trembling, he was barely holding it together.
“When I look at you now, all I can see is a boy who’s had years of his life stolen away from him while he was locked away with only himself for company, carrying a weight that no twelve years old should’ve been carrying!”.
Hero looked down, tears seemingly too much to hold back.
“S-sunny, I’m so sorry!” he threw himself at the younger teen, hugging and holding him for dear life, ugly sobs coming out from his mouth.
“Y-you were alone for such a long time, all by yourself carrying all this weight, while I was out there living my life”.
“When I was at my worst, I still had Kel and both of my parents, but you had nobody! No friends, no sister, and no father! I-I should’ve been there for you”.
“You’ve been suffering for so long, even before her death right?! Maybe if I spent more time with you, made an e-effort to understand you, maybe I would’ve known how pressured you felt, m-maybe she would still be here too, and maybe you would’ve been able to smile”.
“I’m such a j-jerk, I was angry at you and wanted to hurt you, but that would’ve been so unfair, you were twelve! How could I ever think that anything that you did was malicious in any way?! It was an accident! You’re so scared, so hurt and you hated yourself so much, that maybe if Kel hadn’t knocked at your door that day you would’ve...” His breath hitched at that, not wanting to finish what he would’ve said.
“I shouldn’t have left for college, I should’ve been there for you! For everyone!”.
“I’m Sorry” was everything he was saying now.
Sunny held him there, being a crying mess himself, he gently stroke Hero’s head with one hand, the other being used to draw shapeless circles in his back.
He felt a knot in his stomach, the way that Hero blamed himself for what happened, it didn’t feel right. He was trying to carry all the guilt and blame himself, just like he did when Mari died.
He needed to say something, he needed to save his friend from making the same mistake he did.
‘C’mon Sunny! When are you going to stop relying on others and start being there for them as well!’ these words in his mind didn’t sound as hurtful and taunting this time, he felt encouraged by them.
He pleaded to no one in particular, to give him the courage he needed to save his friend, the same courage he felt that day he confessed.
It felt like time slowed down, it was now or never.
“No” He pushed the older one away.
“W-wha-” “No, this isn’t right! You can’t take all this blame for yourself!” Hero looked dumbfounded, taken aback by his sudden outburst.
“You aren’t our parent! You are our friend, so stop trying to be responsible for the mistakes everybody made! You were only a kid too when it happened!” Sunny held both of Hero’s hands to his heart, hoping he could convey how he felt “You can let yourself be vulnerable too...”.
The older teen looked at their hands, seemingly lost, he didn’t know what to do, and Sunny’s words didn’t make sense to him, how could he ever be someone else if not the older brother of the group? How can he be vulnerable if everyone was suffering so much more?.
He gathers all his will to ask him.
“H-how?”.
Sunny looked up at the moon, thinking of a way to best express what he wants to say.
He remembered something, it might sound too cheeky and juvenile, but he hoped it could convey his feelings.
“By borrowing its strength from the Sun, the Moon can shine brightly too...”.
“Won’t you rely on me the same way?”.
Hero looked up at hearing what he could only assume was verses from a song, and couldn’t believe what he saw.
Sunny adorned a gentle and small smile, tears running down his face as the Moon’s pale light contoured his features.
He looked otherworldly, almost angelic, He couldn’t help but blush at the sight, he was no longer that meek boy from his childhood, nor the broken teenager he rescued from a lake, this was a much stronger person, someone that wouldn’t give up on his friends no matter what.
He smiled back, he wasn’t able to say anything, so he did what he thought was the best way to convey his gratitude to him.
He removed one of his hands from the younger’s hold, then he moved his bangs away, and kissed his forehead.
Sunny was stunned from that, the other then hugged him again, this time, less needy “Thank you...” he relaxed in his embrace.
They stayed that way for what felt like hours, before Hero suggested for them to go back to their friends so they don’t worry, the other one only nodded, apparently exhausting all his word fuel for forever. When he was getting up, he thought he heard some of the grass rustlings, looking at it, there doesn’t seem to be anything amiss, maybe his tired mind was playing tricks on him.
They walked back to Gino’s, they were holding hands but didn’t look like they noticed it yet.
Sunny looked at them at their table, the pizza had arrived, but what really caught his attention was how red his friends looked.
“H-hey Sunny, Hero!” “W-we’ve been waiting f-for you guys for awhile hehe” “The p-pizza is even a little cold! What have you guys been?” Kel, Basil, and Aubrey said respectively, sounding out of breath somehow.
Hero smiles awkwardly, saying that they will explain it later, they were here to celebrate Sunny’s arrival after all.
They all then looked at Sunny hoping that he would spill the beans.
With his usual cliff face, he only gave them a thumbs up.