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that’s not what i meant

Summary:

Based on the tumblr prompt: “That’s not what I meant and you know it”

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"I can't have her on my team, Natasha," Steve said in a hushed tone.

 

You hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but when you made out the Captain's voice. You would have shrugged it off and moved on if you hadn't pieced together that he was, in fact, talking about you. After that, you couldn't help but listen in.

 

"She's more than qualified," Natasha stated. You felt a pang in your chest that your friend would have your back.

 

"It compromises things..."

 

There was a pause before she responded, you could hear the tell tale signs of her gearing up. "What exactly do you want me to do here?"

 

You could picture his jaw set and his arms crossed over his chest when he replied. "I feel like I have to watch her every move. I can't do my job when she's..."

 

"We are fifteen minutes out from our next mission," she pushed back, cutting him off. "If you want her reassigned, do it yourself."

 

You didn't wait for his response. You weren't about to give him the satisfaction of backing down, instead grabbing the rest of your gear and making your presence known. Natasha gave no tells that they had been speaking about you, leaving you unsure whether it was her years of training or simple disinterest.

 

Steve had shifted though, taking a deep breath and averting his eyes, his cheeks burning with what you could only assume was guilt.

 

Good, you thought. You moved past them in silence, letting your shoulder bump his a little too hard as you squeezed past him to take your seat on the Quinjet. You buckled up in silence, grateful when Tony and Thor boarded, both personalities large enough to stamp out the awkward tension.

 

You weren't sure what you had done to get on Captain America's bad side. In fact, up until recently things had been going well with him, finding yourself in sync both on and off the field. Which is why it had been such a shock when he began to ice you out a few weeks ago. The sudden rejection and distance he had placed between you felt like emotional whiplash.

 

Still, you pushed forward. You had a job to do, and you weren't about to let anything (or anyone) interfere with that.

 

*****

 

"Anyone have eyes on Rip?" Steve called over the comms, using the nickname you couldn't seem to shake after Tony had started it in reference to Ellen Ripley and a weekend of Alien movies.

 

You crouched low, hidden from sight from the men below as you tried to repair your comm and check in. It seemed it was damaged in the fight so you could hear but not respond.

 

"She was headed toward the south entrance last I saw, Cap," Hawkeye replied, another arrow flying loose as he continued to fight.

 

"I'll scan the building," Stark flew, dodging a few bullets before blasting the source. He spun, taking a sharp turn. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., scan for Rip's location."

 

Your comm began to cut in and out, static filling your ear until you were met with silence - your comm officially offline. You knew it wouldn't be long until Stark's A.I. picked up on your location, so backup was only minutes away. You glanced down at the facility below you, counting seven Hydra agents. You could take them - maybe not without taking some hits, but you could handle it. You clocked each of their locations, and when you saw an agent begin starting a launch sequence you knew you couldn't wait.

 

You dropped down, legs wrapping around the closest agents shoulders, the impact enough to knock his gun, and you used the momentum to roll, flipping him hard and knocking him out. You grabbed the gun, shooting two more agents quickly, before dismantling the clip and springing yourself back onto your feet. You hit the ground running, sprinting across the room toward your next victim, dodging left as he aimed and fired. You leaped, using your right foot to richochet off the wall and dropping a fist onto the gunman, the force knocking him out cold.

 

You had lost the element of surprise, the remaining three agents firing their guns at you. You came alive in the chaos, dropping low and using your leg to sweep the next agent closest to you, his head slamming the concrete as he fell. You rolled over him, pulling him with you and using his body as a shield as the other agents continued to shoot at you.

 

You used the time they needed to reload to push the body away and get back to your feet. The larger man tossed his gun aside, charging at you before you could get your bearings again - keeping you busy as the last man turned back to the computer, continuing the launch sequence. You were running out of time, and the large man had knocked you off balance, getting a couple of blows in that you knew you'd feel the next day. You threw your arms up, blocking a punch. What he lacked in speed he made up for in sheer size. His large frame dwarfed you. You kicked his stomach, but he had seen it coming, catching the kick and twisting your leg. You rolled with it, bringing your other foot up and connecting with his jaw, landing on your feet once more.

 

The blow to his head only served to enrage him, and his large hand reached out, gripping you by the neck and slamming you against the brick wall behind you. You winced in pain, gripping his arm and ready to fight back when he was suddenly ripped away from you.

 

Captain Rogers pulled him back, his fist giving another blow to his head so he dropped to his knees. Steve brought his own knee up, slamming it into the man's chin and causing his head to snap back before he dropped.

 

One agent remained. He abandoned his computer station, aiming his gun at Steve and firing back to back shots. Steve held his shield up, deflecting them until there was nothing left. In a swift movement he launched his shield across the room, hitting his target in the chest and knocking him out.

 

You breathed heavily, your body relaxing as you scanned the room, confirming all targets were eliminated. "I had that, you know," you said, wiping the blood from your brow.

 

He discarded his helmet, and when he turned his eyes were cold, his jaw set in anger. "You could have gotten yourself killed," he snapped. He walked across the room, using his foot to kick his shield up and caught it with ease.

 

He slammed the shield down onto the computer, destroying any possibility of Hydra's bomb being launched. He'd call in backup, have them dismantle the bomb and clean up, but for now it seemed the Avenger's part was was done.

 

"Well I didn't get myself killed," you argued.

 

He placed his shield on his back and pressed the comm on his ear. "We're all wrapped up on the south end," he reported to the team. "I've got Ripley." You bristled at that, frustration rolling through you in waves at the thought of needing to be rescued. He listened before speaking once more. "Stark, send in a cleanup crew. Let's reconvene at the jet. Signing off." He pressed his comm once more, shutting it down.

 

You rolled your eyes at him while taking stock of your injuries. You were banged up, sure, but nothing major.

 

Steve turned to you once more. "You should have waited for backup."

 

You sighed, but still some part of you was grateful that he was getting it out now instead of reprimanding you in front of the entire team. "There was no time. I had it covered," you snapped.

 

"Had it covered?" His eyebrows shot up. "If it weren't for me, you'd be..." He paused and averted his gaze, swallowing his words, not letting himself dwell on the thought.

 

"God, just say it to my face, Cap!" Your voice rose, all the frustration since hearing his conversation with Nat boiling over. 

 

He chuckled humorlessly at that, an anger you had never seen directed at you before burning in his eyes. "You were reckless and irresponsible today!" He took a step toward you. "I told you to stick by me today, it was a simple order!" Another step.

 

You took a step toward him, going toe to toe with your captain as you took your broken comm out of your ear. "Yea, well it sounds like I won't be your problem much longer anyway. You want to reassign me? Just do it."

 

His anger deflated a little, the look in his eyes shifting into concern. Your name fell from his lips, quiet and sincere, almost enough to pull you out of your own rage.

 

But then his words came roaring back in your head. 

 

I can't have her on my team...it compromises things.

You felt so stupid. You slammed your comm against his chest. "You know what, forget it. I quit."

 

You turned to walk away, but his hand came up, gripping your own and holding it firmly against his chest. "What are you talking about? You can't just quit."

 

You faced him once more, your eyes burning with tears of frustration. You weren't this person. You didn't cry on the job, and certainly not in front of your captain. You hated that you let him get under your skin so much. "I thought that was what you wanted?" You said defeatedly. "You think I compromise the team." He looked hurt, but you pressed forward. "That's what you told Nat, right?" You tugged your hand free.

 

"That's not what I meant and you know it," he called after you.

 

You rounded on him, then. "Then what did you mean, Steve? Because I used to think I knew what you meant all the time. Now? Now I'm in the dark. All. The. Time!" The rollercoaster you had been on with him for weeks now left you exhausted. "You can't do your job while you babysit me, so now you don't have to!"

 

"I can't do my job because I can't get you out of my head!" He blurted, stealing your breath. The two of you stood in stunned silence, eyes trained on each other, as if you were scared to move from this moment - knowing no matter what your next move was, it changed things.

 

There was no going back.

 

"I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself," his words were quiet. "But I can't help but worry, because I can't..." he took a deep breath. "I've already lost so much," he whispered. "I can't lose you, too." He took a step closer to you, raising his hand to rub his thumb along the cut on your brow before his eyes dropped to your lips.

 

Your hand came up to his as he traced it down to your jaw. There was a question in your eyes as they met his. "What are you saying?" You whispered.

 

His lips parted as he searched your face, when suddenly he dipped, taking you by surprise and pressing his lips to yours.

 

The kiss was soft and unsure, as if even now he was still giving you an out.

 

He parted, taking a breath before stepping back.

 

There were no words now, the anger dissipating in the haze. When you made no move he nodded defeatedly, picking up his helmet. He moved past you, his movements slow and deliberate, and you knew he was already searching for a way to apologize, to take it all back.

 

The thought was enough to spur you into action, calling his name so he turned once more. You launched yourself into his arms, your own wrapping around his neck as you kissed him.

 

His hands found your waist, pulling you in close and returning your kiss with everything he had been holding back since the moment he laid eyes on you. You were lost in his touch, and when you felt him smile against your lips you pulled back, pressing your foreheads together and trying to steady your breathing.

 

"While I'm happy to see this is finally a thing," Stark's voice called out, causing you both to step back from each other. "Can we get a move on?"

 

You caught Steve's blush, and he cleared his throat, nodding as he began making his way toward the rest of the team, the Quinjet waiting outside.

 

You weren't sure where this left the two of you, but when he turned and smiled, his hand pressing on the small of your back as he helped you onto the jet first, you knew you were excited to find out.