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It was that time of the academic year where the work load was manageable. In fact, there were barely any classes. Arthur knew that it was a false sense of security and the semester would punch his guts soon. Still, he would enjoy this tiny break while he could.
He was a court judge in the making. He knew that the world was corrupt; justice denied, often unacknowledged. But he valued fairness above all and wished to contribute in whatever capacity he could. At any rate he could be more honest and impartial that other potential candidates.
He woke up at 9 a.m. with a heavy feeling. There was a loud ringing in his ears. Again. He cursed his internal clock for making him wake up early on his day off. He could’ve slept in, avoided the ringing in his ears for a bit longer.
Arthur hated whenever this happened. It was a recurring thing that took place every couple of months. The world would sound muted and he couldn’t hear much of anything. It usually lasted a week before returning to how it was before.
It was frustrating and embarrassing. Arthur knew it was annoying when he kept asking people to repeat themselves while he desperately tried to lipread them and figure out their emotion from tones and intonations. Or when he couldn’t hear others calling for his attention until they physically called for it with a tap on the shoulders.
He could barely hear his own voice, for crying out loud! It made him anxious about speaking too loudly or too softly.
The boredom of being unable to socialize or watch movies and shows or even listen to music led him to either daydream or read a book. Both of which enraptured him enough that he failed to stay alert enough to use his remaining senses. As a result, he had to isolate himself for the week.
He ensured he texted his friends so they didn’t think anything was amiss. There was only one person he didn’t text this time– Merlin, his roommate and friend.
Having finished his morning routine, Arthur exited his room. He was greeted to the sight of his roommate watering his plants, still in his pyjamas.
“Morning,” Arthur said.
He watched Merlin carefully as he grunted in response. This meant that he hadn’t had his morning tea yet.
Merlin was studying to be a nurse. He loved helping people and taking care of them. Arthur often joked that he was practicing his profession with his much beloved plants. Honestly, the first thing the man did every morning was check on his plants and water them. Even on days when he was late or run off his feet.
This was the first time Arthur had had one of his… episodes while Merlin was present and unloaded with coursework.
So far, their different schedules had favoured Arthur. This time his luck had run out. Arthur anxiously worried about the next week as he prepared the tea.
Usually, Merin and Arthur would hang out together. The two of them were close friends. They would banter, watch shows together, meet their friends, play silly games, and even karaoke on a few occasions. They both enjoyed spending time together.
The very thought of Merlin’s frustration and annoyance made him cringe in hurt and mortification. Arthur didn’t know how he was going to make it. He couldn’t avoid Merlin for a whole week.
The obvious solution was to either tell Merlin the truth or make up some lie to cover up for the avoidance. The truth was obviously out and Arthur hated outright lying He had enough of that during his childhood (thank you very much father).
Arthur took a deep breath as he mentally and emotionally prepared himself. One day at a time, he reminded himself, as he poured out the tea.
He took it over to where Merlin was slumped on the sofa and nudged him awake from his light slumber.
Merlin smiled at him sleepily and said something that was probably a thanks.
Arthur returned the smile. He kept Merlin in his peripherical view, while he tried to find a topic of conversation that was predictable enough.
“So, how are your patients, Nurse Merlin,” he teased.
Merlin squinted at him in playful annoyance.
Arthur watched Merlin’s lips form the words “why” and “jury” and figured it was a quip at his chosen profession.
“The court find thee, nurse Merlin, an adequate nurser of plants.” Arthur said in his court-voice. It probably made little sense, but that was how he was on most days anyways.
Arthur caught the words “thanks”, “evidence”, and “prat”.
Arthur simply mock glared at him in response. He wished he could hear what Merlin was saying. It hadn’t even been an hour and Arthur dearly missed his hearing.
Merlin started chattering soon and Arthur found it much more difficult to understand what he was saying. He was mumbling too fast.
Arthur felt the heavy silence close up on him. His uncharacteristic passiveness soon drew a concern expression from Merlin. Panicking, Arthur pretended that he had been daydreaming.
“What was that, Merlin?” he asked, wiping his nervous hands on his pants.
Merlin threw him a dirty look at that.
This time, when Merlin spoke again, Arthur was able to catch the words “beer” and “game”.
He figured that it was an invitation of some sort to watch football. Although he didn’t know where and with whom, he wearily responded, “I don’t feel like it. I’m tired.”
It wasn’t even a lie at this point. It had been a while since Arthur had to do this with someone and he was worn out already.
“Actually,” he continued quickly before Merlin could respond, “I think I’ll head back to bed now.”
He stood up abruptly, much to Merlin’s confusion.
“I’ll see you later,” he threw behind his shoulders as he walked speedily towards his room.
He sighed heavily once he was alone. Swallowing down his frustration, Arthur aggressively plopped on his bed with the first book he found. It turned out to be one of his class texts.
Arthur flipped through the pages, attempting to focus on the words. He needed to occupy himself otherwise he would drown is his misery.
Around lunch time, Arthur was reminiscing random memories when Merlin entered his room. Arthur jumped in surprise.
Merlin frowned in response. When he spoke, Arthur caught the word “lunch”.
“I’m not hungry. You carry on,” he lied, waving his hand. He was ravenous, running only on one cuppa.
Unfortunately, his stomach decided to voice its disagreement. Loudly.
Arthur flushed. Merlin’s frown took on an irritated edge.
Arthur tensed as he focused carefully on his friend’s face.
“Arthur what is wrong with you today?”
Arthur finally understood a full sentence today and it was not one he wanted to answer.
“I’m fine,” he said, eyes flickering away for a moment. Because he was fine. It was just this stupid thing, but it was normal for him and therefore fine.
“Bullshit,” he lipread, as Merlin came over and sat next to him on the bed.
Arthur remained silent.
Merlin continued after a while, but Arthur couldn’t make sense of it.
Merlin paused again, waiting. Arthur just stared at him hoping to understand something, anything, because Merlin was beginning to look angry and hurt.
Arthur felt close to tears. He hated this. He had to come clean and tell Merlin about. At least then Merlin’s anger would be directly to the right thing.
“Merlin,” Arthur cut off whatever his friend was saying. Taking a deep breath in preparation, he continued, “I can’t hear you.”
Merlin blinked at him with furrowed brows.
Before Merlin could speak again (which would be useless, anyways), Arthur continued. “I can’t hear anything.”
Merlin spoke again instinctively. Arthur simply stared at him blankly. He knew it would be Merlin’s natural instinct to speak to him. That was his father’s and Morgana’s reaction.
Merlin cut himself off. He sent Arthur an apologetic look and waked to his desk. He retuned bearing a pen and a notebook.
“What happened?” he wrote.
Arthur felt a sense of relief at finally being able to communicate. No matter Merlin’s approach to the problem later, he would appreciate this.
Arthur explained his problem to Merlin, trying to make it as comprehensive, quick and less humiliating as possible. He didn’t want Merlin’s education kicking in and going full nurse on him.
“Like when you have a bad cold. Except I’m not ill,” he finished.
“Why does it happen?” Merlin wrote
“I don’t know,” Arthur shrugged. “Sometimes, especially when I’m under a lot of pressure and haven’t slept enough, the opposite happens. Everything is louder. It drives me crazy. I shove cotton in my ears to reduce the noise.”
“Does that happen as often?”
Arthur shook his head, “No.”
“You woke up like this?” Merlin wrote.
“Yeah,” Arthur replied sheepishly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Arthur looked at Merlin’s sombre expression and swallowed.
He tried to find the most appropriate words but they eluded him. Arthur was already feeling vulnerable, weak, and suffocated. He decided to just let the words pour out. He trusted Merlin.
“It’s just so aggravating to not be able to hear anything,” he said running his hands through his hair. He closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists. “It’s like heavy, oppressive clouds blocking me off from the rest of the world. I can’t communicate. I hate it.”
Arthur felt a Merlin’s hand on his own. He opened his eyes and saw Merlin pointedly imitating deep breaths. Arthur realised that he was panting.
He regulated his breathing and unclenched his fists, feeling a bit more grounded.
“Thanks,” he threw Merlin a small smile.
Merlin nodded in response. He held Arthur’s hand in support. Arthur gripped it firmly. It helped him feel connected to the world.
“Father and Morgana, they don’t like it when it happens. They get impatient. I understand it, of course. It is… inconvenient,” Arthur said for lack of a better word. Referring to his oldest friend, he added “Leon and the others, they don’t know about it. I can manage well enough on my own for most parts. But I hate it when someone’s taking and I can’t understand. Lipreading only gets you so far,” he chuckled cheerlessly.
“Did you think we would react like Uther and Morgana?” Merlin wrote sadly.
“I-I just didn’t want to burden you with this. It’s mine to bear. There’s no point in sticking it on you as well,” Arthur replied uncomfortably.
Merlin shook his head. “It’s not a burden for me. You don’t have to do this alone.”
Arthur shrugged in response.
“Arthur. Listen to me. You’re not saddling me with some herculean task. I can help. We’ll do this together. It’s not something you’re doing on purpose or out of spite. Besides, I’m going to be a nurse. I have a decent supply of patience ;)” Merlin wrote
Arthur choked out a laugh at the winky face Merlin had cheekily drawn, recognising the attempt to lighten up the situation. He looked at his friend, blinking furiously to stop the forming tears from falling.
“Thank you,” Arthur said with emotion.
Merlin squeezed the hand that was in his reassuringly. He rubbed a soothing thumb on the back of Arthur’s hand.
They sat together in silence. Arthur was glad for a point of physical contact. He felt raw and vulnerable but free. He didn’t know how Merlin intended to endure the week with him but he realised that he just had to take a leap of faith and trust him.
“Charades or battleship?” Merlin wrote after a while.
Arthur grinned happily. So far it was going great.
“Lunch first,” Merlin wrote before Arthur responded.
“Gods, yes. I’m starving,” he groaned.
The week went well, much to Arthur’s unending surprise and wonder.
Merlin was patient with him, either writing or clearly enunciating while speaking so it was easier. As Arthur gradually gained some hearing, Merlin spoke slowly and loudly.
He tried to convince Arthur to tell the rest of their friends about it, but Arthur refused. One confession was enough. So, Merlin helped him weasel out of hanging out with their friends.
When he decided to learn sign language for him, Arthur was completely blown off. No one had ever done something like that for him.
(Arthur may or may not have cried in gratitude.)
Although he had to awkwardly explain that he didn’t know how to sign. He had tried to learn it as a teenager but the instruction book had left him confused.
Thus, the two of them could be found watching youtube tutorials on basic BSL every evening.
It was easier and more interesting with Merlin learning along with him, but Arthur wasn’t about to admit that.
By the time their classes rebegan in earnest, Arthur’s hearing was restored. He was almost sad to return to their usual routines. The two of them had managed to create an intimate bubble.
Arthur felt more energetic that usual. They were each more proficient at reading the other’s non-verbal signals, growing closer to each other.
Arthur learned to accept Merlin’s help (although Arthur made sure he didn’t overstep his limits). Merlin, true to his word, really did seem to have a large supply of patience. Honest it was almost as if not was amiss.
Arthur had gleefully mocked Merlin’s handwriting and spellings while Merlin had insulted Arthur’s creativity (or rather the lack thereof).
Really, Merlin,” Arthur had replied patronisingly, “You wouldn’t recognise creative talents if it danced right in front of you with a party hat and–umph!” he spluttered as Merlin shoved a ball of paper in his mouth, smiling smugly.
In the end, Arthur was pleased with how things had turned out. He would go through the entire experience all over again if it meant gaining those precious moments with Merlin. In fact, he would look forward to it.