Chapter Text
You immediately got up from your bed after you heard someone yell your name.
You quickly ran out of your room and toward the kitchen. You didn’t know what was going on. You had moved into this apartment a couple months ago and still hadn’t fully unpacked, so there were boxes everywhere. When you open the door to your balcony, which was where you heard the yelling coming from, you see something very unpleasant.
“What the hell is wrong with you?! It’s literally 3 AM! I have classes in the morning tomorrow!”
“C-Could you help me up before you yell at me?!” Dazai screamed, tightly holding on to the edge of your balcony.
“You're gonna wake everyone else up. Just fall down,” You glare at him, not moving a muscle.
“What if I die?!” He pleads.
You grab his hands and violently pull him up. “God, I hate you.”
“Do you want to know what happened?” He smiled awkwardly.
“No, I don’t care.” You’re both sitting on the floor of your tiny, brown balcony.
He tells you what happened even though you declined, “I was trying to climb up from my room to visit you, and I didn’t wanna just use the stairs or hallway ‘cause it’s pretty scary walking in the hallways alone at night.”
“And it’s less scary scaling the building?”
He nods, “For sure!”
“Do you know how weird it is to go to someone's apartment at night?” You ask.
“I’m not gonna try anything. Do you really think so low of me?” Dazai pretended to be offended.
You had barely known Dazai for a month, but he acts like you’re best friends. The first time you met he was running away from a teacher and managed to crash directly into you. The teacher forced him to take you to the clinic so they could check if you had a concussion. He asked you for your phone number once the nurse gave you the okay to leave, he told you that it was so he could check if you were okay but even after he did he continued to text you. He is weirdly obsessed with death, so every time he learns something he finds interesting about it he'd text you. You thought he was such a pain. “One of these days I’m not going to help you out.”
“Looking forward to it,” he put his back on the floor and patted the ground next to him. “For you.”
You laid down next to him and asked “Dazai, do you have any other friends?”
“‘Course I do,” he replied.
“Then why do you hang out with me so much?” You question.
“Because I like you,” he says in a sing-songy voice. “Plus, you’re always alone.”
“So basically I’m your pity-friend?”
He smirks, “Yep, I only climbed a building to talk to you because I feel bad for you. Absolutely not because I enjoy hanging out with you. That would be impossible.”
“Right,” you smiled slightly and closed your eyes.
--
You woke up in the morning to the sun shining down on you. When you got up you were confused about why you were sleeping on the balcony, but after a couple seconds, you remembered. "Did Dazai leave?" you mumbled as you stretched your arms.
You opened your balcony door and headed to the kitchen to find breakfast. Unfortunately, Dazai was in the kitchen cooking something.
"Why are you still here?" You groaned.
"You know you can stop the i-hate-dazai act." He flipped the pan and the smell of eggs reached your nose.
"I do hate Dazai though, so it's not an act."
"If you really hated me then you wouldn't talk to me orrrr sleep next to me," he chuckled.
You sigh and mumble, "I'm gonna go change." You head to your room and put on a comfortable outfit. Your morning class starts in 45 minutes, so you had a good amount of time left.
"Breakfast is ready!" You heard Dazai yell.
"Okay, I'm coming," you grab your bag and phone and stroll to the kitchen. There were eggs and toast on the table; they looked and smelled wonderful. "Didn't know you could cook."
"I can't really, this is one of the only things that I know how to make." He grimaced. "I heard there was a way you can die from- Actually it's probably best not to talk about that right now."
"Agreed," you say as you take a plate off the table and sit down in your black rolling chair. You bought the chair from a thrift store when you first got here and it's now your favorite. Dazai was looking around for a place to sit. You quietly giggled, "I need to buy more chairs, sorry."
Dazai looked at you then collapsed. He gasped, "Cuteness. . .overload," and pretended to die.
"You’re so overdramatic," you muttered as you chewed.
He grinned and turned so he was facing you, "Anyways, tell me about your plans for the day."
You pointed at your food, "Nnph mreahing (I'm eating)."
"You're too precious," he mused. "Guess I'll talk about my own plans while you eat."
You groaned, "What if you didn't talk at all while I eat?"
"That's no fun. I like talking to you." He said that while looking intensely into your eyes.
"Go ahead Dazai," you conceded.
"Yay!" Just as quickly as it came, Dazai's intense look left his face. You weren't even sure if you actually saw it. You shrugged it off and let Dazai rant about the petting zoo he was planning on going to.
"Okay so after I go there then I'm going to stop by this food place I heard of. Forgot the name but it's somewhere around the petting zoo. And there's a park near there… I think. If it is there then I'll sit at one of the-"
"Hey," you interrupted. "Do you even have enough money to be doing all of this?"
"You’re worried about me?" He snickered, "Of course I have the money. I got in here with a full-ride scholarship and I have my part-time job at the detective agency. Lots of money to spend."
"Great," you finished eating the last of the eggs. "How are you so dumb but so smart at the same time?"
"I don't know, genetics?" He put up his hands to make a peace sign.
"You're the weirdest," you get up and set your plate in the sink.
"Hey, is there any chance you would want to go out with me today? On my awesome petting zoo trip?" Dazai asks.
"Ehh, sure why not. You'll pick me up right?"
"Of course," he confirms. "It's a date!"
"Mhm," you nodded. "Time for me to go to class."
"I'll walk you there.. I've nothing better to do." He grabbed your bag.
You started heading for the door when Dazai sniffled, "You aren’t going to object and say something like 'It's alright I can carry it myself.’ And then I'd say 'No, a beautiful person like you shouldn't-'”
You walked out the door in the middle of his rant.
It was only a five-minute walk to your school Yokohama Tech Academy. On the way there you decided to tell Dazai, "Thanks a ton for carrying my bag, I really appreciate it."
He blushed a bit and smiled, "No problem."
When you got to school there was a crowd around the door. "Chuuya’s back, and he’s fighting some guy," someone told Dazai.
"Let's go," Dazai's expression darkened and he tugged on your wrist.
"Chuuya?" You ask, not moving a muscle.
"Let's go," He sternly said.
"Okay?" Once you two walked far enough away from the scene, you asked Dazai what that was all about.
"I thought that asshole got expelled for what he did. Guess it was only a suspension. Have you ever heard of 3 month-long suspensions? The principal must have gone easy on him."
"What did he do?" Dazai grimaced when you asked. "Tell me.”
"Don't wanna," he stuck out his tongue.
"Idiot," you stick up your middle finger. "I'm going to go to class."
"If you see an orange-haired guy don’t talk to him, alright? He's dangerous." Dazai warned. "I just want to make sure that you're safe."
You roll your eyes, “Whatever, whatever. Are you coming to pick me up after school for-”
“The Petting Zoo Extravaganza?! Of course!” he exclaims.
“Alright, I’ll wait for you by the front. My last class is done at-”
“3:00!”
“How do you know that?”
“Hehe,” He ran away.
“Dazai!” You yelled but didn’t run after him. You had a class to go to, there was no time to waste playing stupid games with him.
--
You get to your communications class a bit early, so you open your computer and start playing Solitaire.
Once it’s time for class to officially start, your teacher Mr. Uvo goes directly into his lecture. 30 minutes into it, someone walks in the door. He is short with orange hair and wearing a strange hat. You assume that this is the guy Dazai was warning you about.
“Chuuya, y-you’re back?” Mr. Uvo looked scared.
“Sadly,” Chuuya responded. “I’ll sit up there.” He pointed to the empty seat next to you.
You almost fell off your chair. You raised your hand and said, “No thank you.”
“What?” He glared at you. “No one asked you.”
“There are very few other seats left. I don’t want to make . . . Chuuya’s return harder than it already is.” Your teacher instructed.
Chuuya stomped up to the seat next to you. “Did I ever do anything to you? . . . Actually I don’t care if I did.”
“I- okay.” You looked away from him and toward your computer. He put his long legs on the table in front of him.
You ignored him and continued listening to the lecture. A couple minutes later Chuuya asked you, “What’s he talking about?”
You had a couple more classes before the end of the day, but you didn’t really want to go out of your way to avoid Chuuya. You decided to ignore Dazai’s advice and talk to him, plus he didn’t look threatening at all. “How to use ‘I’ statements. It’s pretty simple so even if you don’t get it now you definitely will later.”
“Oh,” he says. “Thanks.”
“No problem… But uh, can I ask you a question now?”
He scratched his neck, “Mm, sure.”
“Do you know Osamu D-”
“Dazai?! That dickhead?” Chuuya asks. “Unfortunately, I do. Are you dating him or something?”
You grimace, “Absolutely not. He . . . told me I should stay away from you.”
Chuuya chuckled, “You let him order you around? Haha.”
“I don’t.”
“Whatever you say… What’s your name again?”
You introduce yourself.
“Chuuya Nakahara,” He responded.
“What happened between you and Dazai?” You ask.
“Don’t need to tell you about it,” he snipped.
You and Chuuya don’t talk for the rest of the period.
--
After your last class of the day is over, you wait by the parking lot for Dazai to pick you up. You sit there for around an hour before you admit to yourself that he’s probably not coming. Someone behind you asks, “What are you doing?”
You look up, hoping it’s Dazai, but instead you see Chuuya. “Nothing important.”
“Nah, tell me. I don’t really wanna go to my next class.” He sits down a couple feet next to you.
“Uhm, I was waiting for Dazai to pick me up for some dumb petting zoo trip. It’s been like an hour since he said he’d come, I’ll probably leave soon.” You felt like crying even though you knew it was unnecessary to cry over something so unimportant.
“Ack, don’t cry about it. Can’t you guys go another day? It’s not the end of the world.”
“I know… it’s just that he made me get excited about it and then didn’t even come to get me.”
“Dazai’s a piece of shit,” he told you.
“Major piece of shit.” You agreed. “Hey Chuuya, why’d you get suspended from school?”
“Got into a fight with this guy and beat him half to death.”
“For real? Why?”
“You ask too many questions.” He gets up, “I’m leaving.”
“Okay,” your voice cracks.
He stares at you for a couple of seconds then turns to walk away.
“Um, Chuuya?” You call.
“What?” He stops.
“Could you sit with me for a little bit longer? Not close or anything. We don’t have to talk, I just…” Your voice trails off.
“Why? Are you really that sad about Dazai? That’s pathetic.”
“It is,” you agree. Chuuya sits back down next to you. “Thanks.”
“I’m not doing this to be nice, I just don’t want to go to class.”
“I know.”
After around 25 minutes of sitting in silence, you let Chuuya know that you’re going to head home now. “I don’t mean to be repetitive, but thanks.”
“Yeah, okay. Bye.” He waves slightly.
You head back to your apartment. When you get inside you collapse on your bed and cry. You punched your pillow and screamed into it. You don’t remember when you fell asleep, just that you were crying when you did.
--
You woke up to someone knocking on your door. “Hey!! I brought pancakes from the store next door! They smell really good! C’mon open up, they’ll get cold. You know, you should give me a key to your house. That sounds weird when I say it out loud. Anyways, open up!”
You force yourself to get up and open the door, “Hey Dazai.”
“‘Ello! You look cute today!”
“I just got up,” you deadpan.
“Still beautiful!” He smiled.
When he started opening the food up you asked, “So, where did you go yesterday?”
He froze, “Uh-huh-ha I had to take care of something. My bad. I would’ve texted you about it but, ya know. . . sometimes people forget about things. I’m sure you didn’t even really want to go anyway.”
“I did, actually.” You didn’t meet Dazai’s eyes. “I really was. Thought it would’ve been fun? Y’know? But sometimes people forget things! I totally get it.” You say passive-aggressively.
“O-Oh? You were? Sorry... I didn’t know.” he flashed you an awkward smile. "We can make plans for another time, alright? Don't be mad."
"I think I have the right to be mad. I mean I was waiting for you for at least an hour." You decide to bring up Chuuya to make Dazai mad, or sad, or anything. He felt so empty to you all the time, his jokes and smiles didn't matter if he didn't mean any of it. You wanted to see Dazai express literally any emotion besides 'happy.' "Luckily, Chuuya sat with me."
Dazai snapped his head towards you, "What?"
"Yeah, I know you told me not to talk to him but he seems pretty chill. He stayed and waited with me for almost 30 minutes. Pretty nice of him."
Dazai grits his teeth, "Why can't you ever just listen to me? I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt. I'm trying to help you. Why do you have to be so stubborn?"
"I'm not. We just happened to meet in class is all." Your expression was going from neutral to angry. "I don't give a damn whether or not you have my best interests in mind. I can make the judgment of whether someone is good or bad. If you would just tell me what happened between you two then I would be able to make the call for myself!"
"Then tell me, do you think I'm good or bad?" Dazai spits.
You are shocked, why would he ask you something like that? "O-Obviously I can tell you're a good person. I wouldn't hang out with you otherwise."
"Oh, really?" He walks towards you until your back is on the wall and your chests are almost touching. "Your view of good and evil is shit. You don't know anything. Anything about me or anything about Chuuya. Stop acting like you're a fucking genius." He says all of this with his voice low.
You're so surprised you can barely breathe. You'd never seen Dazai like this before. "Dazai," you stare at him. "My life is mine to live, and you can't control it. No matter if you think my judgments are shit, I'm not going to change the way I live my life for you. So get that out of your head."
He rolls his eyes, "And you say 'I'm not stubborn.'"
"Can you… move now please?" You uncomfortably ask.
"Yeah, sorry. Um, I'm gonna go. Gotta handle some stuff. So if I'm gone for a while, don't worry about it. Enjoy the food!" He gives you a big smile (that’s definitely forced) and walks out the door.
You open the bag of pancakes. They ended up being your favorite kind. "God," you groan and slump to the floor. "He's too much."
You didn't have any morning classes today, your first class starts at 1pm. You ate breakfast, watched YouTube on your phone for a bit, took a nap, then woke up and got ready for school. It was a relaxing morning.
When you got to school you had this feeling that something was wrong. Your intuition was confirmed when your acquaintance, Yuu Haruko, came running towards you.
"Dazai and Chuuya got into a fight! Like a really big one!" She squealed.
"Wha- they're fighting?!" you exclaimed.
"No, the fight ended a while ago. I-I remember I was on my way to school this morning and I saw Dazai and he looked really pissed off. I've never seen Dazai like that, except when he put money in the vending machine but it didn't give him his meat buns back." Yuu shuddered.
"Anyways he went around asking people where Chuuya was, and because Chuu came to school late, no one knew where he was. So Dazai just waited by the front of the school for Chuuya to come. And when Chuuya got there, Dazai didn't even talk to him or anything! He just punched him right in the face. Like, okay here's Chuuya, and here's Dazai."
Yuu positions her hands. "So Chuuya was like 'What are you doing here Dazai.'" She mimicked Chuuya's voice surprisingly well. "And Dazai didn't even say anything he just. . ." Yuu's voice trailed off.
"Punched him in the face," You finish for her.
"Yeah," she sighs. "But that wasn't all. He like, kept going."
"Woah," you gasped. "Kept punching Chuuya?"
She nodded, "Chuuya didn't even have a chance to fight back, and Dazai looked really scary. I almost peed myself."
"Gross," You groaned. "So, what was the outcome of the fight?"
"Dazai was perfectly fine but Chuuya . . . had to go to the hospital. I'm pretty sure he was in critical condition."
Your knees go wobbly, "And Dazai did that. . . to him?"
Yuu tried to console you. "It's really not your fault or anything. They had a lot of beef."
"N-No I think it was my fault. I told Dazai about how Chuuya was really nice and sat with me after school. I-It was my fault. Chuuya would be okay if I wasn't so dumb." You started to cry.
Yuu kicked your leg, "It's not your fault, (L/N). Were you the one who punched Chuuya?" You shook your head. "Then you didn't do anything wrong."
Yuu gave you a hug and jogged to her first class. You were too shaken to go to class, so you decided that you would make it your mission to figure out where Dazai was. You spent hours calling him, asking around the school, checking all of his favorite places, but Dazai was nowhere to be found. You grit your teeth, "That's just like him. Always fucking running away from his problems."
Yuu gave you Chuuya's number during school, so you figured that it wouldn't hurt anyone to give him a call. You dial his number and someone picks up on the second ring. "Hello?" You hear a voice that sounds like a young woman's.
"Hi, I was wondering if I could talk to Chuuya Nakahara." You ask politely.
"Are you a friend of his?" She asks back.
Not really. "Of course we're friends!"
"Alright, could you tell me your name?"
Shit. You mumbled your name into the phone.
"Okay, I'll be right back." She mutes the phone.
Chuuya probably didn't want to talk to you, you expected him to hang up the phone. You were pretty surprised when you heard him groggily say, "Hey."
"Hey," you respond. "I didn't think you would pick up. How're you doing?"
"Alright," he says quietly.
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Um, are you mad at me?"
He grunts, "Why would I be?"
You were surprised, "Dazai didn't say anything about me?"
"He told me something like 'never talk to them again.'"
"Oh," You closed your eyes.
"I'm not mad at you for that. It was completely Dazai's fault. Are you seriously blaming yourself for his shit?"
"I was kind of trying to make him angry by bringing you up, I never thought he would go that far."
"It's ok," You hear him sigh through the phone.
Neither of you talk for a few minutes. All you can hear is Chuuya's breathing. "So, how are you really?" You ask.
"Didn't I. . . already say that I'm fine!" Chuuya croaked.
"Yes, but is that really true? You just got beat up and you sound like you want to cry."
"I'M FINE!" He raised his voice. "IT JUST HURTS OKAY?! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Chu-" He hung up the phone before you could respond.
--
Five months later and you hadn't talked to Chuuya or Dazai since that day. Chuuya never picked up your calls again, or returned to school, he most likely blocked your number. You didn't even know what happened with Dazai, you assumed that he got expelled, but he never visited you or told you what happened so you were unsure.
It hurt, not knowing what happened to them, but you accepted that you would most likely never see them again.
So, what was Dazai doing standing in front of you right now?