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Jaehyun’s previous experiences of late night drives were constrained to the company vans, the romance of it stripped away to the time it takes to get from the dorms to the recording studio to shoot locations. This is different. He doesn’t feel stuffed into a world that’s too small for him, is actually able to enjoy the way Seoul’s kaleidoscopic lights reflect against the dashboard, his music playing softly from the speakers.
And the sight of Johnny at the wheel. Johnny’s been driving since his high school days, but it’s only recently that he got his Korean license, and a used Kia to match. He’d been curious at first to find out where Johnny escaped to whenever he had free time—Donghyuck and Jungwoo had a running joke about a hidden family—but he’s used to having to put up a front, so he doesn’t voice his questions.
Until Johnny catches him awake at 2 am because Jaehyun can’t sleep, so he invites him along. It turns out that Johnny never thinks about a destination—he just drives.
“It’s just nice to have a part of myself that I don’t have to share. Helps clear my head,” Johnny tells him when he asks. Jaehyun understands. As much as he loves his profession, it’s easy to feel trapped. Each of them have their own vices—Jaehyun has tactfully ignored cigarette caches in the dorm, and keeps himself from commenting whenever a member gets tipsier than they should. Donghyuck has his games, and Taeyong escapes to his music.
Johnny has his drives.
“You probably have something similar,” Johnny continues. Jaehyun would rather not think about his own vices.
“Does working out count?” he responds, and Johnny laughs, even though he wasn’t joking.
“I’m sure the fans would love to hear that, but I meant something more...personal.”
Jaehyun doesn’t respond. He just focuses on the hand that Johnny keeps at his side, occasionally drumming his fingers over his thigh, humming to whatever jazzy song Jaehyun has on his playlist. Eventually, they give into the rumble of Jaehyun's stomach and stop at a pojangmacha. The place is a strange sight, it being t oo early in the night for the place to be empty, but too dark for people to care about two men in masks and sweatpants. They order some dakkochi and soju to share, but Johnny hasn’t let go of their conversation.
“Come on, there has to be something?” he coaxes. It’s just chilly enough for his cheeks to have a touch of red to them.
“Not really,” Jaehyun lies. “I don’t think I have a reason to want to escape. Not yet, anyways.”
Johnny gives him a long look, but chooses to let it go in favour of rubbing his hands together at the sight of their food. It smells great, the smokiness of the chicken cutting through the cold, but Jaehyun’s appetite has dimmed. It drops further when Johnny smears gochujang at the side of his lips, stark red against his skin. It makes Jaehyun antsy, and he downs his glass of soju quicker than he should.
God doesn’t have any mercy left in him for Jaehyun, because Johnny does not wipe it away. Jaehyun shoves his food into his mouth just to give himself something to do, to tear his eyes away from Johnny because if he doesn’t, he’s going to ruin the careful foundation they’ve built over the years.
It must show on his face, because Johnny frowns. “You okay? Do you not like the food or something?”
He doesn’t know when it started, seeing Johnny in a different light. He was just Johnny-hyung , a part of Jaehyun’s far life longer than he wasn’t, and a rock to everyone in the group, even Taeil. Jaehyun prides himself on his self-reliance, but Johnny wormed his way into his inner circle with his inside jokes, and teasing that comes from a place of caring. Sometimes though, Johnny is oblivious, and there’s only so much Jaehyun can take.
“You’ve got sauce on your face,” he blurts out. Smooth. Definitely the nation’s first love.
Johnny snorts. “Sorry for offending your delicate sensibilities.” He swipes at his face, but he just makes it worse.
Jaehyun sanity leaves him, replaced by the soju. “Hold on,” he murmurs. Doesn’t even bother checking to see if anyone’s looking at him before wiping away the sauce. His skin tingles where it touches Johnny’s, the briefest brush over the corner of his lips.
“Oh, how sweet ,” Johnny cooes, in typical Johnny fashion. Jaehyun’s sure his ears are burning, and he’s glad the hood of his sweatshirt is up.
“You’re gross, hyung.”
Johnny’s grin is a little wild. “And you’re blushing.”
Jaehyun’s hand instinctively rises to his cheeks, and Johnny bursts into laughter. God, if the sight wasn’t so endearing, he would punch him. Or other things. Jaehyun is suddenly aware that they’re touching more than they should, thigh-to-thigh under the tiny table they’re sitting at. He pulls away as much as he can bear.
“Don’t be mad.” Johnny’s smile falters under the dim lights of the tent.
“I’m not mad,” he grumbles.
As in to test that, Johnny dangles his chopsticks in front of Jaehyun to coax him into taking a bite of his food. Jaehyun, ever the idol, obliges out of an innate instinct to please. But there is no audience here for Johnny to put on a show for, and he wishes he wouldn’t indulge him that far. Their free hands touch over the table, and it makes him upset in a way he hasn’t been before.
He draws away, quick enough that Johnny doesn’t have the time to mask his hurt. Even so, his voice is warm, gentle.
“Something’s been bothering you this whole time. You know you can talk to me, right, Jaehyun-ah?”
Something about the suffix does it. The second bottle of soju working in his system answers for him.
“You’re being unfair, hyung.”
Johnny’s brow furrows. “What?”
“You’re being unfair. There’s only so much of this I can handle.”
It’s out, and he can’t change it. Johnny doesn’t look confused though. In fact, he leans forward, almost... eager . Jaehyun knows he isn’t that drunk, but he doesn’t know what else to blame.
“Of what?”
The drink has loosened his tongue, so the words come out before he can stop them.
“I don’t know, the fucking gochujang. Bringing me here. Looking like that. It makes me—,”
“Makes you what?” Johnny’s as close as he can get to him over the table, which is too goddamn small for two grown men. “Say it, Jaehyun.”
Jaehyun’s ears burn. It just occurs to him that he’s been had. He scans the other customers in the tent, wonders if the ahjumma who served them will come to his rescue. But no one seems to care.
“Nothing,” he mumbles. “Forget it, I’m just drunk.”
“I know your tolerance is higher than that.”
Jaehyun pretends to squint. He doesn’t know why, but Johnny’s obviously playing with him, judging from the glint in his eyes. It makes him mad, and something else entirely. “I think we should get back.”
Johnny sputters in protest, but if Jaehyun’s good at one thing, it’s being stubborn. He pays for their meal himself, ignoring Johnny’s cries that he’s older and supposed to foot the bill. The warmth of the soju twists into something else in his gut as he stomps towards Johnny’s car. He should take a cab, but Johnny’s not the only one who can be insufferable.
Of course, Johnny keeps pace easily. It irritates him more. “I have longer legs thank you, you know.”
“Oh yeah, by a true mile,” Jaehyun snaps dryly. He leans against the car because Johnny has the fucking keys, and he refuses to unlock the doors. “Are we going, or not?”
Johnny groans, and he shouldn’t look so good in the barely-there light, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Why do you have to be so stubborn ?”
“Year of the Ox,” Jaehyun reminds him. It’s cold, and he wants to get back to the dorms, but he doesn’t want to back down here.
“Isn’t that the truth,” Johnny mumbles. “Your bullheadedness is going to be the death of me. I thought we’d finally gotten somewhere and—,”
Jaehyun’s eyes narrow, and he chooses to ignore the “bullheaded” comment. “What do you mean?”
He doesn’t know how Johnny manages to pull off being distressed and wry at the same time. Probably some new skill. “God, Jaehyun, I’m talking about us.”
Us. Jaehyun didn’t know there was an us.
Jaehyun blinks when Johnny slaps a hand against his forehead—apparently, he’d said that out loud.
“Of course there is. Why do you think I asked you here? Or maybe that was stupid. I just thought if we spent some time alone together, I wouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”
Jaehyun swallows. Hope is a bitter thing in his throat. “Spell what out?”
“That I like you,” Johnny says. Simple, direct, even embarrassed, as strange as that is. But he stands there, his breathing a little fast, longing in his eyes. Longing for...him? It’s a thought Jaehyun can’t comprehend, one that ties him up in knots. “Not the fanservice like. The I-want-to-date-you like.”
Jaehyun stares.
The longer he’s silent, the more frantic Johnny’s laughter grows. “I know I make jokes about being the most handsome guy on earth, but I can't be that bad, right? Wait. Forget that. That was like the worst confession ever. Maybe we could just erase the past two minutes—,”
“Hyung,” Jaehyun interrupts.
“I’ll just drive you back home, and we can pretend that—,”
“ Johnny-hyung ,” he hisses. Johnny’s attention snaps back to him, and it’s as flustered as he’s ever seen him. It’s a good look on him. “Stop. I don’t want to pretend. God knows I’ve been doing it for too long.”
Johnny manages a very intelligent “huh?” that Jaehyun can’t help but snort at.
“I like you too, hyung. I’ve liked you for a while now. I just thought…”
“That you’d be ruining our friendship?” Johnny supplies knowingly. Jaehyun drops his gaze to his shoes, embarrassed. “We’re a mess, aren’t we?”
“Kinda, yeah.” Jaehyun doesn’t know when Johnny came to stand in front of him, but he smells his perfume, a fresh, citrusy scent that Jaehyun can’t get enough of. His voice drops to a whisper when Johnny moves close enough that he feels his warmth, even through his hoodie. “Question is, what are we going to do about it?”
“Long-term? I don’t know,” Johnny confesses, and Jaehyun deflates for a second,” but for now, I’d really just like to kiss you. If you want that, of course.”
If he wants it. Jaehyun wants to fucking laugh. If Johnny knew how many time he’s imagined this scenario, he wouldn’t let him forget it for the rest of his life. So he doesn’t tell him. Instead, he nods. He doesn’t want to shut his eyes, wants to study how Johnny looks when he’s about to kiss him, count his eyelashes and trace the tip of his nose, but they close of their own volition when Johnny leans in.
His lips stop an inch before Jaehyun’s. “What?” he complains, his voice hoarse. Johnny’s grin is equal parts breathtaking and maddening.
“I just wanna know. You were thinking of me when we were talking about escapes before, right?”
Jaehyun makes a low, irritated sound in the back of his throat that makes Johnny laugh.
“Right, impatient. I forgot.”
He wastes no more time, meeting his lips in a kiss that’s surprisingly gentle, if a tad spicy from the food they had earlier. Jaehyun can’t find it in himself to care about the fine print. Johnny’s kiss is so new, yet familiar. He feels steeped in his warmth, his eagerness, and the hunger of years worth of feelings condensed into a single moment, Johnny’s fingers tangled in his hair, and Jaehyun’s grip tight enough to hurt on his waist.
Johnny’s touch is addictive, and Jaehyun’s glad he’s propped against the car, because his legs would have long given out otherwise. His hand moves from Johnny’s waist to the soft material of his sweatshirt, fingers splaying across his skin. Johnny gasps into their kiss, and Jaehyun feels it in his toes.
“Your hands are cold,” Johnny murmurs against his lips, flinching at his touch.
“And we’re out in public,” Jaehyun adds reluctantly.
Johnny’s dazed look clears, as if just realizing they’re parked a short distance away from the pojangmacha. He presses a softer, more apologetic kiss on Jaehyun’s lips that elicits the most embarrassing sound he’s ever made. But Jaehyun doesn’t care.
“We can always go somewhere a little more...private.”
The idea is a little terrifying, but the shake of Johnny’s voice betrays he’s just as nervous as Jaehyun, which makes him feel a little better. He gives his hand a squeeze, and Johnny’s expression turns into an interesting mix of wonder and delight.
“Well,” he starts, a little breathless, “you have the keys, hyung.”
And Johnny? Johnny indulges him, as always.
fin