Chapter Text
'God. This was so damn boring. Who even needs trigonometry?' I thought to myself. I was bored off my ass in geo class. So I flipped to a blank page in my notebook and began drawing pentagrams. Before I knew it, there was at least 100 pentagrams all over my notebook. About 50 pentagrams later, a man kicks down the door to the classroom, startling the shit outta everyone. He was a devilish looking fellow, with obviously dyed red-orange hair, a satin red suit, and steampunk-like black sunglasses. He took off the glasses and glared at me with eyes that reminded me of fire. He had slits for pupils and a hooklike nose. The man snarled at me.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!" He bellowed. His voice was loud, demonic, and raspy.
"Who're you?" I asked, really confused. I mean, he wasn't wearing a visitor's tag, and he looked mighty pissed off at me for no reason I could think of.
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU JUST SUMMONED YOU DUMB BITCH?!" Oh. It was Satan.
"Wait... YOU'RE Satan?!" I cackled. How could this bastard be the ruler of Hell?
"YES I'M SATAN NOW WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT WITH ME?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SUMMON ME 150 GODDAMN TIMES?!" He screamed. The rest of my geometry class looked either amused or absolutely horrified. Ms. Smith, the teacher, looked like she was about to faint, which I thought was hilarious.
"YOU DRAW ONE MORE GODDAMN PENTAGRAM AND I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ON THE SPOT, YOU UNDERSTAND DUMBASS?!" Satan screeched. Everyone was still staring and I was stifling a laugh.
"Yessir." I grumbled, still trying not to cackle.
Satan turned to the rest of my geometry class, who were either also trying to stifle a cackle or about to shit themselves in fear. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?! NEVER SEEN A DEMON BEFORE?!" He hollered, making my geometry teacher shit herself.
Satan took a deep breath and calmed down a little bit. "What in Hell's name are you kids even learning anyway?" He walked up to the whiteboard. "Trigonometry? What the fuck is that?! They should be teaching you how to do taxes and shit like that." He sighed, turning to my teacher, who was about to run for her life.
"What the hell is wrong with you? You know these kids don't need to know about trigonometry." He said, leaning against the whiteboard, wiping off the equations that Ms. Smith had been writing.
"Actually if they go into the trade-"
"Trade? Does anyone SERIOUSLY want to be a carpenter when they get older? Gimme a show of hands, brats." No one in my geometry class raised their hand. They all just stared at Satan, some snickering.
"See? No one needs to know about trig, you bitch nugget." He said.
"But it's still useful in the real wor-"
"No it's not! Jesus...Who wants me to vaporize her? Show of hands, kids." Satan turned to my class. My hand shot up and so did the hands of every other student in the room.
"Vaporization it is." He mumbled smugly, snapping his fingers. With a poof, she was gone.