Work Text:
A dreary afternoon beckoned.
Rain splished against the windows, the individual trails catching Mingyu’s attention as he followed their path down the glass, silently rooting on one droplet to beat another, then changing his line of vision to another, and another. Soft thunder rolled in from the distance, yet the sky remained gray and light- indicating that the soft rainfall intended to stay consistent and the gentle downpour was firmly fixed over Seoul for the remainder of the afternoon.
Mingyu sighed, rubbing his eyes as he refocused his attention on his phone. The television was playing, some daytime soap opera running onscreen. Sparing a half-enthusiastic glance up at the large screen as the weeping lady in an overdone outfit collapsed to the floor, Mingyu sighed yet again as his gaze flicked back down to the smaller screen in his hands.
The television was only on because it was some substitute for the quiet Monday that had taken over their dorm. The performance unit was working hard on choreography for the album coming this fall, and had locked themselves up at the company before anyone had even woken up this morning. The others had offered to come and help create the dance, but it was in vain- the performance team had a sense of unspoken solidarity frighteningly similar to deep telepathy, and it was just plain fact that everyone would be getting in the way during the initial practices where movements were hashed out. Honestly, they were doing them a favor by letting them work on their own.
Mingyu’s fellow hip hop unit members had decided to go shopping, and had stepped out of the house after breakfast. Dryly smiling at the irritation they probably were encountering holed up in some store because they didn’t want to ruin their hairdos in the rain, Mingyu snatched up the remote and muted the TV as a man began shouting loudly.
Four of the five vocal members had chosen to use the rare day off as a studio session, and had similarly departed the dorm with the others. Although most of the preparations had been made for the album coming soon, they always had more room and time- and most importantly, enthusiasm- to practice more and more. They’d been cheerful and happy when they’d left today, assuring everyone not to wait up for them if they didn’t make it back until late at night. There’d been some reminders to eat, but nobody had objected, Mingyu remembered with a sense of pride. It was a mark of the passion they had for this, for what they did. A mutual understanding for the desire to perfect, to hone, to make impeccable.
Seokmin, the so far unaccounted member, had deserted his fellow vocalists for his final rehearsal for Excalibur, the opening night taking place in barely forty eight hours, on Wednesday. He’d been in high tension all week, and Mingyu hadn’t seen him at all this morning, therefore having no idea if his best friend had even eaten breakfast or would be back for dinner.
They were all so proud of Seokmin for taking on such a prominent lead role for his musical theater debut, but the twelve of them had been secretly (and worriedly) observing poor Seokmin descend into a nervous spiral over the last fortnight. This was something that none of them had experience with, and they felt that any advice or comfort they could give would only have any use as the kind words of an outsider- so they’d substituted their words of wisdom with mere hugs and gifts and things to take Seokmin’s mind off of the concerns he was so stressed over. None of them had any qualms about Seokmin’s abilities- they’d sat in on some rehearsals and visited Seokmin in the studio, and they were confident in his capability to deliver a showstopping performance.
So all the members had emptied out of their dorm, therefore leaving Mingyu alone and rather missing the constant pandemonium that usually accompanied their free days.
Usually there’d be two or three members sprawled in front of this television, Wonwoo and Hansol playing video games as Joshua watched and cheered on whoever was doing particularly better in the moment. Soonyoung would be in someone else’s room, usually Junhui’s or Seungcheol’s. Minghao and Jeonghan preferred to use their free time to destress, and spent time in solitude with a book or a face mask. Chan would wander around to look for someone to mess with, and usually wound up bothering Seungkwan or Jihoon. Mingyu’s playmate was always Seokmin, and they’d spend their time painting or dancing around or dressing up with ridiculous paired outfits thrifted from Minghao’s or Seungcheol’s closet. Now, however, the place was devoid of activity and it was lonely.
Mingyu sighed for what was probably the millionth time, stretching out on the couch and staring at his too-long legs, watching his feet poke out over the other end rather amusedly. He regretted not taking up Hansol’s offer to join the others shopping. He’d been tired and achy all morning from yesterday’s rigorous practice and hadn’t felt in the mood to go and walk around with a mask and bucket hat on so people wouldn’t recognize them. It was nicer to be at home- or at least, that was his reasoning before he realized that everyone had trickled out of the house and left him here to rot on the couch.
Now what?
Mingyu let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling as he tossed his phone somewhere else on the couch. He closed his eyes, debating the merits of taking a nap at this hour, taking into the consideration the pains that someone else would have to go to in order to wake him up for dinner- for he’d surely sleep through the whole rest of the afternoon and the chaos that everyone would bring in when people started coming home. Deciding that it was preferable to not get anyone’s blood pressure up, he forced himself up again, walking to his shared room with Wonwoo with the notion to clean the place up a bit.
Mingyu creaked open their door, glancing around and realizing that there was a lot of work to be done.
Silently chiding Wonwoo for being such a mess, he cleaned up the older’s books and papers, all strewn on the latter’s bed. Honestly. How on earth did Wonwoo sleep with his stuff everywhere? It was like there was a line drawn between Mingyu’s side of the room and Wonwoo’s.
Organizing all of Wonwoo’s things neatly, Mingyu placed them on the bedside table and began to change the sheets, humming a little song to himself. At least he was doing something useful too. Deciding that if he had time, he’d visit everyone’s space and give it a little tidying up, he cheerfully started up the vacuum and began suctioning up the small messes Wonwoo always dropped on his side of the room.
Mingyu was so focused on vacuuming up a tiny coffee stain that he didn’t hear the soft tring of the door security system when someone entered the house, nor the weary footsteps that followed the sound of the vacuum to the doorway heralding Mingyu and Wonwoo’s room.
It was only the soft sniffle, somehow audible to Mingyu’s senses that were always able to detect a friend in quiet distress, that had him whirl around, slightly caught off guard.
Seokmin stood in the doorway, his lean body shivering, shirt soaked and stuck to his skin, jeans drenched. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself, soft brown locks plastered to his forehead from the downpour. The rain’s lashing on him wasn’t enough to mask the tears streaking down his cheeks, his lip trembling in an effort to hold back the sob he so clearly was restraining.
“Seokmin!” Mingyu turned off the vacuum quickly, dropping it by the handle as he rushed over, barely registering the thud the vacuum made as it hit the ground. He grasped Seokmin by the shoulders, bending down slightly to wipe the tears off Seokmin’s face. “What happened?”
Seokmin stared at him for a few seconds, his wide eyes pooling with fat tears, and then the dam broke and a loud sob escaped his lips, and then his hands were fisted in Mingyu’s shirt as he leaned into the taller boy, wailing his heart out.
“Oh no, Seok, what’s wrong?” Mingyu whispered, easily hugging his best friend, glad at their size difference- sure, the members loved to tease him for being so much larger than them, but it definitely helped when he had to hold and comfort them. They just folded so easily into his arms.
Seokmin raised his head to Mingyu, cheeks flushed from crying, body trembling violently from the icy rain. “It’s- I can’t do this, Gyu, I can’t… it’s too hard…”
“What’s too hard?” Mingyu asked concernedly, gently dabbing at Seokmin’s face with the pads of his fingers, not wanting to be harsh on the delicate soft skin.
“The musical… it’s… they’re all trained and perfect and I’m-” Seokmin let out a bitter, harsh laugh that wasn’t him at all. “I’m nothing, I’m just a pretty-faced singer for a boy band, I’m not an actor, I’m-”
“Shut up,” Mingyu said firmly. “Shut up. No. You are so much more than a face, okay? You’re a lead vocalist. That means something, you know?”
Seokmin shook his head miserably, as if he’d already given up.
Mingyu surmised him for a few more seconds, then hugged him tightly again, drawing Seokmin close to his body and not caring if his clothes got wet, cradling the back of Seokmin’s head and resting his cheek against the latter’s forehead. “Was it rehearsal? Did you make some mistakes?”
“No,” Seokmin sniffled, muffled in Mingyu’s shoulder. “I just- I’m not as good as they are. I’m…”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Mingyu warned. “Come on. Let’s get you into something warm, look at the state of you, all wet. Didn’t the manager drive you back?” He began guiding Seokmin to the bathroom, grabbing several fluffy towels on the way.
“He did, I just stood in the rain for a bit before coming inside… I needed it.”
“Needed it? You’ll set yourself sick,” Mingyu fussed, leading Seokmin inside the bathroom and shutting the door, helping him peel the clothes off and wrapping him in the towels. “Do you want a warm bath? You’ll feel better.”
“You’re so good at taking care of us, Gyu,” Seokmin said quietly in agreement, and Mingyu laughed as he kneeled at the tub, stoppering the drain and opening the faucet to let hot water splash inside.
“I don’t really take care of you guys. I just throw in a helping hand with cleaning and cooking.” Mingyu threw a smirk over his shoulder. “I guess I’m just that perfect, huh?” Seokmin smiled at that, and Mingyu stood, turning off the water. “Here, take as long as you need. I’ll be in the living room when you get out.”
“Thanks, Gyu.” Seokmin laughed softly as Mingyu ruffled his hair. “By the way, if it’s not too much to ask, could you make something for me to eat?”
“Sure,” Mingyu answered, concerned. “Did you not have breakfast?”
“I took a couple tangerines on my way out the door this morning-”
“Seok!” Mingyu sighed. “Tangerines are not breakfast! Especially not for the hard rehearsal you had all morning and afternoon. Have you been running on tangerines for-” Mingyu checked the time. “For seven hours?”
“I was too nervous for the last rehearsal. I couldn’t eat anything else,” Seokmin answered truthfully.
Mingyu shook his head. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to cook something good for you.”
“You’re the best,” Seokmin said, relieved.
“No, buddy, you are,” Mingyu grinned, already on his way out the door. “Get into the tub before the water gets cold, I can’t stand to see you shiver like that. I’ll set some pajamas out for you for when you’re done.”
He closed the door and leaned against it, sighing as he wondered why his best friend was so careless with his health. How could Seokmin stress about rehearsal to the point of not being able to eat properly in the morning? How had Mingyu looked past that?
Resolving to thoroughly stuff Seokmin the second the latter exited the bathroom, he headed to the kitchen.
Seokmin always favored stews and Mingyu knew that some kind of comfort food would be best right now. Scouring the fridge for compatible vegetables, he headed for the stove and poured out broth into a pot, setting up the area and beginning to cook.
As he cooked, his mind went into autopilot, and he found himself playing back the way Seokmin had burst into tears, the way he’d probably have fallen to the floor and cried if Mingyu hadn’t been holding on to him.
Those kinds of explosive episodes of emotion were quite, quite rare for the bright boy. And the way that it’d all come out led Mingyu to believe that this wasn’t just an ‘off-day’ sort of fit, this was the result of Seokmin bottling all of this up somewhere inside himself for days, weeks, perhaps months.
Mingyu dully stirred the ladle around in the stew, adding in the vegetables.
He felt like a horrible person.
The fact that his best friend had been struggling like that, had felt that insecure and worthless- and the fact that none of them had really caught on to it, that was shattering. It made Mingyu feel as if they’d all lost Seokmin’s trust, when he knew deep down that Seokmin probably hadn’t told them how he was feeling because he didn’t want them to worry- which was possibly even more heart wrenching.
“You’re going to watch it boil over?”
Mingyu blinked out of his trance and glanced down to find the stew having reached nearly the top of the pot.
“I was thinking,” he explained simply, turning off the heat and glancing over to find Seokmin wearing the pajamas that he’d put out for him, a sweet squirrel onesie that they all laughed about but secretly adored Seokmin in. “You ready to eat?”
“Yeah.” Seokmin fell into a chair, his cheeks in his hands. Again, worrying behavior.
Mingyu brought him a bowl, sitting down opposite him as Seokmin miserably spooned up some stew and ate.
“How is it?” Mingyu prodded. The temporary good mood Seokmin had been in when he’d left him in the bathroom had clearly evaporated with all the time the poor boy had spent sitting in the bath with nothing but his own thoughts for company.
“It’s good as usual.” Seokmin swallowed, then put down his spoon. “I’m not really hungry anymore, Gyu…”
“You took one bite.”
Seokmin shrugged, leaning back in his seat, his damp locks hanging over his face. “I don’t have any appetite.”
Mingyu sighed and stood, pulling the bowl away from him. Believing this to be a reprieve, Seokmin slumped in his chair, perking his head up to find Mingyu still standing over him.
“Come on. Let’s go to the couch. We’ll put something on the television and I’ll feed you.”
“I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You’re not a bother,” Mingyu said with as much feeling as he could put into it. Grabbing Seokmin’s hand, he gently tugged him to his feet. “Come on.”
Upon making it to the couch, Seokmin sank into the cushions and stared mindlessly out the window as Mingyu turned the soap opera back on.
“What is this?” Seokmin asked, amused as he watched the events unfolding on screen. “Looks worse than our acting.”
“Zero idea. I’ve been watching for the last few hours and it doesn’t get much drier than this. That lady’s already threatened to jump off the balcony three times.”
“Welp.”
“I know.” Mingyu delivered a spoonful of stew to Seokmin’s mouth, sitting cross-legged next to the slightly older boy to observe him for any warning signs of a repeat breakdown. Seokmin chewed slowly, taking much too long to swallow, avoiding eye contact.
“Come on, Seok. I know you can finish this, you’ve eaten way more than this before. You do eat more than this for a normal meal.”
“I’m really not hungry,” Seokmin deflected, shutting his eyes tightly and letting his head fall back onto the couch.
“You already came home in the rain and now if you don’t eat well you’ll catch a cold. Imagine being sick on your opening night!”
This was enough to coerce Seokmin into three more bites, after which he clutched his stomach and shook his head weakly.
“Come on, just a little more,” Mingyu lied (half the bowl was left). “One for each member, how’s that.”
“I already had five!”
“No, no, that doesn’t count. Here, this one for Seungcheol hyung-”
Seokmin laughed softly, accepting it. “Who taught you this?”
“When I was a kid I was always too overexcited to eat properly. My mom would give me one bite for every family member and after those were all through, every person I ever met until the plate was cleared.” Mingyu gently poked Seokmin’s firmly closed lips. “This is for Jeonghan hyung, come on, it’s a small bite.”
“You’re using child-feeding tactics on me?” Seokmin raised an eyebrow, eating nevertheless.
“It’s working, isn’t it? This one for Shua hyung.”
Seokmin chuckled, taking the bite. “How do I deserve someone as kind as you to be my friend? I’m literally wallowing in my self-pity like a pathetic middle schooler and you’re still indulging me.”
“Excuse me,” Mingyu huffed. “Junhui hyung, who you’re eating this spoonful for, open up, would say that you’re the sweetest boy in the world and you deserve every friend you make. Plus, we’re all entitled for a little wallowing.” He gently dabbed a napkin against Seokmin’s mouth. “You’ve been working on this for months, Seok. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“I just hope I’ll make you guys proud in two days.”
“You already have.” Feeding him Soonyoung’s bite, Mingyu sent him an encouraging smile. “We’re always proud of you, Seok.”
Seokmin spent a long time on that bite, finally swallowing. “I’m just scared that I’ll mess this up… all the headlines that’ll come out-”
“Wonwoo hyung would say that’s bullshit and to eat this bite. You’re not going to mess up. You’ve been working so hard on this. Practice makes permanent.”
“What if I practiced everything horribly?”
Mingyu gave Seokmin a deadpan stare as he shoved another few spoonfuls into his unwilling mouth. “We’d tell you if you sound horrible. Here, here, a big dollop for 97s- come on, there you go. And we’ve only been giving you compliments, so what does that tell you?”
Seokmin sighed. “This is a big deal, Gyu. I don’t want to ruin our group’s name-”
“You’re not going to. I promise you.” Mingyu put down the utensil right before giving him Seungkwan’s spoonful, clasping Seokmin’s hands. “You are not going to mess this up. You are going to be so natural and smooth on that stage. And who cares if you make a few mistakes? Think about all the mistakes that I’ve made during concerts and shows. Nobody’s going to come attack you for that.”
“Sasaengs and akgaes,” Seokmin mumbled.
“They’ve already signed up for hell if they plan to say anything bad about you. Do you know how scary carats can be if someone talks shit about us? Those haters are all going to end up deactivating or getting suspended. Plus, you’ve always got us to pick you up.” Mingyu picked up the spoon again. “Three bites left for our maknaes.”
Seokmin dully put his face in his hands and complied. Mingyu privately thought that he looked a little bit better, but not much.
“Look at that, you’re done.” Mingyu put the empty bowl aside, giving Seokmin another beaming smile despite the pain he felt inside at seeing the other so undone. “I’m proud of you.” He tugged Seokmin into his arms, hugging him tightly as the older slowly relaxed.
“You want some quiet time or just want to vent it all out at once?” Mingyu asked softly.
“Neither. Just…” Seokmin exhaled, playing with the cord of Mingyu’s hoodie. “Just tell me it’s all going to be okay.”
“It will be,” Mingyu promised, taking up the task immediately. “It’s going to be more than okay, Seok. You’re going to look back in two days and laugh at yourself. And I know it’s going to feel like the world’s ending right before the curtain opens, but you’re going to shine so brightly on that stage that you’ll make us all even more prouder than we already are. And no matter what happens, even if you trip in the middle of a dance number or mess up lines or go really sharp in a song, we’re all going to go out after and get drinks and whatever you want to eat, or we could even come home and I’ll cook your favorites. And we’ll pull up our video files from 2015 and watch Seungkwan’s silly vlogs and have ice cream. And then it’ll be a little easier to breathe, because that’s the big part, right, the opening night. And if you mess up in two days, you’ll go over the mistakes in the next show, and even if you don’t fix them then, you’ll have another opportunity in the next one.” Mingyu smiled, thinking of something else. “You won’t even be able to imagine the way that carats are going to flood the musical venue on opening night. Even if they couldn’t buy tickets to come see you, I bet they’ll be all crowded up right outside giving you all their love and support.”
That definitely brought a smile to Seokmin’s face. “I guess.”
“Yeah, see?” Mingyu rubbed a comforting circle into Seokmin’s back. “It’s normal to be nervous. You’re a performer, you know that already. But you gotta look past the nerves and see that it’s all going to be okay on the other end.”
Seokmin laughed. “I never knew you could talk this seriously.”
Mingyu playfully smacked his arm. “I save it for special occasions.”
Seokmin snuggled closer. “Thanks, Gyu. I do feel better. It’s not totally fixed, but I’m definitely not contemplating leaving the country anymore.”
Mingyu burst into laughter. “What?”
“The things I was thinking about while standing in the rain outside,” Seokmin chuckled. “It sounds stupid, right?”
Mingyu sat up, easily gathering Seokmin into his arms and scooping him off the couch, carrying him to his room. “Beyond stupid. You know that you’re world-famous right? People would see you at the airport,” he teased.
“I had it all planned out,” Seokmin gasped between bouts of laughter. “I was going to borrow one of Hao’s bucket hats and wear big sunglasses and a mask, and nobody would recognize me-”
“Yeah? And where exactly would you go?” Mingyu dropped Seokmin onto his bed, flopping down next to him and stretching out, smiling as he listened.
“I don’t know! I was just thinking of walking up to a counter and asking them for the next flight to anywhere outside Asia.”
Mingyu giggled. “You really have no idea how anything works. Why am I best friends with you?”
“Oh, like you know how to file taxes properly. We all think crazy stuff when trying to get out of something,” Seokmin retaliated, still grinning. “Come on, haven’t you ever thought about running away? Like even when you were dreading something absolutely daunting?”
“Nope. I have everything I love right here and I wouldn’t give it up for the world.” Mingyu beamed at him. “Including you guys.”
Seokmin rolled his eyes, curling up in the sheets. “I wish I had that kind of confidence.”
“It takes experience.”
“I guess Wednesday night will be my experience.”
“I guess so too. But it’ll be a positive experience. At least, we’re going to make it one for you no matter what.” Mingyu giggled, having gotten an idea. “I know how to make you feel much better right now, though.”
“Yeah? What’s- OW!”
Mingyu sprung up, still giggling madly as he clutched onto the pillow he’d just smacked Seokmin over the head with. “Oops.”
“And this is why we’re best friends,” Seokmin completed, grabbing the nearest pillow and smashing it onto Mingyu’s body as hard as he could, stumbling to his feet. “You’re going to really get it now, Kim Mingyu.”
“Oh yeah? Come get me then,” Mingyu grinned cheerfully, jumping off the bed and out the door as a laughing Seokmin ran after him, vowing revenge.
It was all going to be okay.
•
Seokmin shakily undid his mic wires, his entire body still trembling with adrenaline.
He could still hear the whooping and applause from the theater house above the backstage change room, where all the actors had congregated after the show. Everyone was congratulating each other on a successful opening night, moving around and chattering wildly.
A stylist hurried up to him, relieving him of the mic. “There’s visitors for you, Mr. Lee.”
“Oh?” Seokmin furrowed his brows, confused. “Who-”
A cheering happy group flooded into the room, fitting in perfectly with the post-show chaos.
“What?” Seokmin asked loudly, already engulfed in the center of a gigantic hug. “You guys said you weren’t planning on coming to opening night!”
“Well, because you’d be nervous if we did!” Seungcheol hugged him tightly, being closest. “You did so well, Seokie!”
Soonyoung was hugging him on the other side, Seungkwan and Jeonghan were pinching his cheeks, and Joshua was taking a video as Junhui kissed the top of Seokmin’s head, Minghao pressing a large bouquet of flowers into his free hand- Chan was clasping the other in approval as Hansol clapped. Wonwoo was beaming as he ruffled Seokmin’s hair, Jihoon’s expression matching as he squeezed through and gave Seokmin a pat on the back.
All of this was unrivaled to the last person that managed to make their way to the eye of the tornado-like mass crowding around Seokmin.
“Gyu!”
“Seok!”
Mingyu wrapped Seokmin in a crushing hug, lifting him off his feet and spinning him around in a circle. Seokmin burst into a happy sob and hugged him back.
“What did I tell you, buddy?” Mingyu drew away slightly, his eyes looking a little teary too.
Seokmin laughed through his tears. “Thank you, Gyu.”
Mingyu slowly put him down, still beaming with pride. “Anything for you, my dearest buddy.”