Archive of Our Own ^beta

For a moment, Penelope just stood there and watched Derek. Then she propped her hip on the edge of his desk. "This one was bad, huh?"

"We've had worse," he replied, finally lifting his head to look at her. "But sometimes the little things, they get to you."

"I know," she said, quietly, moving to stand behind him so she could get at his shoulders. "But it's over."

"Until next time," he muttered. Derek slumped a little under her touch, shoulders loosening as she worked on the knots there. She smiled a little when he let out a low groan as his head lolled forward.

"Don't think like that."

"You know it's true."

"Derek..." She paused, then gave herself a mental shake. "Can I tell you something?"

He just tipped his head back against the chair and smiled up at her.

"When I got shot..." She took a deep breath before she licked her lips, but she didn't break eye contact. "When I was laying there on the steps, thinking I was going to die...all I could think was that I didn't get to say goodbye to you."

"Penelope --"

"No, just listen," she said, afraid she'd chicken out before she got the words out. "I know my job doesn't even compare to yours in terms of horrible things you have to see, but... Knowing you're there makes it a little easier to handle, you know? No matter how bad it gets, I know you're there, and I know you'll be there. And I just...I worry about you, Derek Morgan, and the idea that I was going to die and leave you to look after yourself terrified me."

"You don't have to worry about me --"

"But I do!" She spun his chair around so she could look down at him. "You don't know when to stop and smile or do something silly, and you always push yourself too hard, and I love you, and I just --"

Without speaking, Derek stood and tugged her closer. As strong arms wrapped around her, Penelope closed her eyes and took deep breaths. The warmth of his body, the scent of his aftershave, the sound of his breathing -- they all calmed her. But it was his words that made her smile again.

"I know, baby girl," he whispered into her hair. "I've always known."