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Izuku takes a deep steadying breath, the lying he was doing that night to the lovely couple seated across from him was taking a toll.
The action doesn’t go unnoticed by his companion, a blonde head of hair whipping around to make sure Izuku is okay. A hand snakes gently around his waist and a pair of lips find his forehead, the actions garnering coos from the couple across from them, probably finding their young love adorable.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” comes Katsuki’s voice from next to his ear, “Is the baby making you tired?”
That’s what got them stuck here in the first place, a web of lies that was woven so tightly around them that one wrong move would send them careening off the tightrope they walked along, suffocating themselves with the strings they laid themselves.
“I’m just fine babe, but maybe we should leave the lovely couple to the rest of the night and we go home?”
“Oh, nonsense you two! It’s lovely to have you over. Come sit on the lounge and I’ll bring dinner, can’t send you home before you have the dinner we promised you!”
“That sounds great Nemuri! My wife and I are looking forward to it,” Katsuki replied.
They had only met the couple earlier today, introducing themselves as Nemuri and Tsunagu Hakamata. The couple had only recently moved to Musutafu, excited to make new friends and get properly situated in the neighbourhood.
Nemuri walks off into the kitchen with a smile, getting ready to serve dinner to the rest of them. Izuku presses himself deeper into the couch he was seated on, hoping it would swallow him whole. He had been at the Hakamata’s for less than half an hour but he was already struggling to keep up the charade he and Katsuki were playing at.
He didn’t mean for this to happen. It started with some innocent pining from afar before everything started happening around him, a spectator of his own life. It all went so bad so fast, spiralling beyond his control. Izuku isn’t entirely sure that he’s currently in the midst of a prank.
It all started at the supermarket earlier that day.
Izuku had walked into the store, wearing the ugliest, baggiest hoodie he owned. He had just come from the gym, he felt that he looked and smelled disgusting. He wanted to drop into his local supermarket to get a few things for dinner that night and get back out. He hated spending longer than necessary in the shopping centre, the stores always full of people pushing their way through the aisles and forcing their way to the best sales. Izuku wasn’t having it.
That was Izuku’s plan and he was sticking to it. Well, that was until he laid his eyes on the most gorgeous blonde in the produce department. He had a head full of blonde spikes that sparkled golden under the warm downlights in the store, the hair casting shadows over sharp facial features and even sharper ruby red eyes.
But what really got to Izuku was the small superhero keychain that dangled innocently from the blonde’s back pocket. It was a bobble-headed figurine of one of Izuku’s favourite comic book heroes All Might and it looked to be attached to the man’s car keys.
The keychain had Izuku stopping in his tracks to ogle its owner.
The man was speaking animatedly to the couple across from him, almost yelling over the short distance that was the produce table between them. Izuku was busy taking in his side profile, how beautiful his jaw was, the muscles under his flawless skin flexing with the effort of each word. It had Izuku mesmerized.
So mesmerized in fact, he wasn’t paying any attention to the actual words coming out of the man’s mouth.
“You don’t understand. I need this pineapple!”
“Yes, but we had it first! You snatched it out of my wife’s hand.”
“I did not!”
“You did so. I saw you do it.”
“Well, maybe she should hold onto her pineapples more tightly in the future.”
“Why do you want it so badly? Just give it back!”
“No! It’s my pineapple now.”
“Yeah, cause you took it by force!”
“Listen, we’re going through a pineapple shortage right now. The season is ending and a lot of our pineapple crops got wiped out in that storm up north. The fruit shop has no more left and neither does the other supermarket. I need this one.”
“Why?”
It was at that moment Izuku wished he had walked away because the blonde man turned to look at him, making eye contact with Izuku and deciding then and there that if he was going down on the ship, he was apparently taking Izuku with him.
The blonde turns back to the couple, the other man holding his wife tightly to him to protect her further pineapple related trauma, and waves his arm in Izuku’s direction.
“Because my wife is pregnant and she’s craving pineapples badly! It’s all I can do to settle her when she gets like this. Please, I’m desperate.”
Now, Izuku had been called many things in his life. He’d been told he looked plain, his freckled face not worth a second glance. He’d been told he looked like a teenager still, his emerald doe eyes and cherubic cheeks giving him a younger appearance, but never in his life had he been told he looked like a pregnant female and he took offence to that.
Izuku started towards the blonde, furious he was being dragged into this pineapple debacle, not interested in letting this man, no matter how hot he was, make fun of him like this. He gets close to the blonde, preparing himself to rip into him and explain to the couple that he most definitely was not this guy’s wife when the man turns to him again. He steps into Izuku’s personal space and drapes the arm not holding the pineapple around Izuku. He pulled Izuku tight to his body, mimicking the other couple’s position. As soon as he’s squashed up against the man all rage melts from him in an instant. Through the thin barrier their clothes provide Izuku can feel the thick, hard muscle of the man’s chest against his shoulder. If the guy wasn’t perfect before he most definitely was now.
Izuku looked up to the couple across from him now that he was content to stay wrapped within the blonde’s arms. The man had blonde hair slicked to the side in honestly something Izuku would consider a strange hairstyle and not something you would see in their city. His wife looked the same, straight black hair with layers cut into spikes that slid down her back dangerously. They both looked like they belonged in a designer boutique trying to sell you overpriced sweaters as opposed to a big-box supermarket in a shopping centre in downtown Musutafu.
“Hi sweetie,” the blonde said, pulling Izuku even tighter to his body, “I was just grabbing the pineapple you asked me for.”
“Th-thank you,” Izuku replied, trying his hardest to push his pitch up a few octaves.
“So, this is-“ the man began before looking down at Izuku and whispering, “What’s your name?”
“Izuku.”
“Izumi! This is my wife Izumi,” the blonde chuckled, “She’s the pineapple fiend!”
“Ha ha! That’s me!” Izuku replies, trying his best to keep the hysteria out of his voice as the lies begin to pile up around him.
“That’s your wife? I, uh, I thought that was a man?” the man across from them said, shocked at the turn of events.
Izuku looked to the blonde next to him, his face full of panic and obviously unsure as to where to go from here, so Izuku took matters into his own hands; he’s always been told he’s a bit of a cry baby at the best of times.
Izuku busted out the waterworks. Big fat crocodile tears streamed down his face and onto his hoodie as he began to cry in the middle of the produce department at his local supermarket at 2 pm on a Saturday afternoon. It wasn’t Izuku’s finest moment.
“I- I told you these hormones made me look ugly,” Izuku manages between sobs, “He-he says I look like a maaaaan!”
“Shhhh sweetie, it’s okay. I still think you’re beautiful.”
“Everyone thinks I’m a man! A sweaty, ugly man!”
The woman across from them quickly extracted herself from her husband's embrace, chastising him with simply a look. She walks around the produce table and grabs Izuku’s hands in hers. Izuku already knew his body was well hidden under the baggy hoodie he was wearing but he still felt the need to push out his stomach, mimicking a pregnancy in its early stages now that she was close up to him.
“I’m so sorry about my husband, he never knows when to shut his mouth sometimes,” she says, finishing her sentence with a pointed look in her husband’s direction.
“It’s- it’s okay. I get it. I’m not as beautiful as you.”
“Oh, nonsense. You are plenty beautiful. Look at your lovely green curls.”
The woman let go of one of Izuku’s hands at that point, reaching up to run her hand through his sweaty, greasy post-gym curls. The texture throws the woman off, her face had contorted into a grimace as soon as her hand made contact with Izuku’s hair. She was committed, however, quickly replacing the smile on her face and forcing her hand to finish its path through Izuku’s hair.
As soon as she removed her hand from Izuku’s head she dropped it to her thigh in an attempt to subtly wipe off any of the sweat and grease that had transferred.
“Well, I was wondering to make up for this whole thing if you would maybe like to come over for dinner? As an apology for my husband’s behaviour and to mend the bridge that this pineapple has burned.”
“We have just moved the Musutafu, we were hoping to make some more friends,” the husband continued.
The two of them stared at Izuku and his big, beefy, blonde companion in earnest, willing them to agree to accept their invitation. Izuku turned to the man still holding him tightly, looking up into his deep red eyes.
“What do you think honey?” Izuku asked quietly.
“Well, it's rude to not accept an invitation to a dinner party.”
“Yeah, but don’t you have that thing. You know? With your parents or whatever tonight?”
“Nope, totally free tonight.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, we can go.”
“Oh excellent!” the lady across from them exclaims, “This is going to be great! Sorry, we didn’t even introduce ourselves! I’m Nemuri and this is my husband Tsunagu Hakamata.”
“It’s nice to meet you both,” Tsunagu began, extending his hand over the produce table to shake Izuku’s hand, “Izumi and?”
“Katsuki,” the blonde next to Izuku said, extending his hand towards Tsunagu, “Katsuki and Izumi Bakugou.”
“It's nice to meet you both!” Nemuri exclaimed, “Here, give me your phone so I can text you our address and then we will see you at our place at 7! Don’t bring a thing.”
“Okay sure thing,” Katsuki replied as he handed his phone over to Nermuri to type in her details before sending herself a text.
Katsuki and Nemuri iron out some of the details before the two couples said their goodbyes with the promise to meet up tonight, much to Izuku’s chagrin. He already struggled with keeping his lies straight for this short interaction, he didn’t want to continue it into dinner.
As soon as the Hakamatas disappeared from sight Izuku extracted himself from Katsuki’s grasp, pushing himself away from the man. Izuku made sure there was some distance between them before whirling around to face Katsuki, flames burning in the depths of his eyes.
“Izumi?” Izuku spits angrily.
“Kind of sounds like Izuku, I guess?”
“Wife? Pregnant wife?”
“What? You were just standing there, staring at me like some weirdo might I add, and I panicked!”
“Yeah, that’s an understatement. That’s the most ridiculous thing for your brain to come up with.”
“Listen I’m sorry, but at least we get a free dinner tonight.”
“Please, we’re not going. I’ve hadn’t even met you until five minutes ago! I’m not going anywhere with you.” Izuku yells, garnering the attention of every other person in the produce department.
“We have to go!”
“What? No, we don’t? We’re never going to see those two ever again!”
“We can’t stand up a dinner date! That’s rude and we have better manners than that. I wouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t have a decent set of manners.”
“Good thing we’re not married then!”
“For tonight at least we are.”
“Whatever! Fine! If you must insist, give me your number or whatever so we can meet up tonight and go to the Hakamata’s place together.”
“No way!”
“What?”
“I have seen your sense of dress; I don’t trust you to dress nicely for tonight.”
Izuku looked down at himself again, taking in the dirty hoodie and black leggings he was wearing. He’s not surprised Katsuki doesn’t think he has a sense of style.
“Fine. Let’s go clothes shopping.” Izuku relented.
“Good, I need to buy you some dresses and stuff.”
“What?”
“We need you to pull off the housewife look. Let's go check out and we’ll go hit up the clothes shops,” Katsuki says, giving Izuku’s outfit another unimpressed up and down.
“Fine. Can’t leave without your precious pineapple now, can we?”
“Of course.”
“What do you even need it for?”
“None of your business, now go grab me a nice box of chocolates to take tonight as a gift.”
“They said to not bring anything?”
Katsuki looked at Izuku from the corner of his eye, his disdain obvious in the heavy set of his brows.
“First rules of a dinner party, idiot. You always bring something.”
And that’s how Izuku found himself in Katsuki’s apartment surrounded by mountains upon mountains of shopping bags. He wasn’t even sure why they needed the majority of this stuff; it was only for a night. But Katsuki had been adamant, pulling what he considered a cute dress in his size off a coat hanger and a bra with a modest cup size. Izuku had tried to convince him to buy him some lingerie instead, holding up a lacy, racy red number to his body with so many straps he wasn’t even sure how he would actually put it on. The look Katsuki had given him was worth it though, a slight pink blush painted its way from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, imagining Izuku in the garment. They had decided to forgo purchasing the lingerie, much to Izuku’s disappointment, but they had bought him a pair of fashionable kitten heels to finish off the look.
Izuku looked at himself in the floor to ceiling mirror in Katsuki’s room, twisting this way and that as the hem of the skirt brushed over his freshly shaved legs. It was a strange feeling. Katsuki had done a good job with him, his eyes were lined with a tight line of black and his curls were tamed into some semblance of a hairstyle. Izuku honestly didn’t know he could look so good or that he could pass for a female. His baby face played well into the look, the chubbiness of his cheeks emphasised with a light dusting of blush and something Katsuki called highlight.
Katsuki knew his stuff.
He’d attributed it to his parents working in the fashion industry, Katsuki had mentioned while he was zipping up the back of Izuku’s dress. Izuku had never had an urge to wear a dress in his life before but he honestly was blown away by how good Katsuki had made him look. He was in what Katsuki had said was an A-Line cut dress, tight at the top and flowy at the bottom. The dress was black with bright purple flowers all over it. The dress had short sleeves to cover Izuku’s toned biceps, helping him pull off the pregnant wife look. The outfit had been finished with the black kitten heels they bought, Katsuki thanking Izuku for being so short his feet were small enough to fit into the largest size in the women’s department.
“Well look at that, you look like my cute little wife,” Katsuki had said, emerging from the other room of his apartment in a deep blue dress shirt and black slacks, complimenting Izuku in cool colours.
“We do look some kind of beautiful don’t we Katsuki?”
“Understatement. Now let's fix that flat bra of yours.”
“What do girls normally stuff this with?”
“Um, I don’t know. I’ve heard my mum say they use chicken fillets but that must be for a short time or whatever cause it would be unsanitary for a long period of time.”
“Mmm-hmmm, that sounds gross,” Izuku agreed.
“So, maybe other food?”
“Yeah, I guess. What about that pineapple you’re so crazy about?”
“No. I bought something better.”
Katsuki then proceeded to pull a packet of All Might Flakes from the cupboard, throwing it at Izuku.
“What? My boobs are going to be crunchy! Everyone’s going to hear it!”
“My original idea was cooked rice but I ran out so.”
“This is ridiculous, how do you run out of rice?” Izuku says, as he still proceeded to open the cereal box and fill zip lock bags with what he considered a good ‘booby’ amount.
“I’m sorry All Might. I promise I still love you,” Izuku whispered as he gently stuffed his bra with the zip lock bags.
The two of them are about to leave for the Hakamata’s house, Izuku waddling out of the bathroom in the kitten heels he’s yet to get accustomed to. Just as Izuku was going to turn the corner into the living room he heard Katsuki speaking quietly to someone.
“Yes, I know it's your birthday. Sorry, I can’t spend the night but I had to make a sacrifice to get you this pineapple.”
Izuku was confused. Was Katsuki on the phone with someone?
“I hope you enjoy your little treat. I know you’re not allowed to eat it often.”
At that point Izuku decided to fully turn the corner and enter the room, only to find Katsuki holding what was the biggest, fattest bearded dragon he’d ever laid his eyes on. The bearded dragon was cradled in Katsuki’s arm, a small party hat tied to its head as it munched on a piece of pineapple.
“Happy Birthday Frances.”
“His name is Frances? Very regal.”
Katsuki jumped back in shock, not expecting Izuku to be done so fast in the bathroom.
“So that’s why you wanted the pineapple?”
“Yes. He gets it every birthday cause it's his favourite and he’s not allowed to eat it often. It’s like a little treat,” Katsuki grumbled quietly, face red in embarrassment.
A soft smile spread across Izuku’s face, tickled with the knowledge that he was being forced to pretend to be Katsuki’s pregnant wife all so Frances could have a good birthday. It made the lies Izuku was about to tell more bearable. But only a little bit.
So that’s how Izuku ended up in the Hakamata’s lounge room, relaxing on their couch as he snacked on the All Might flakes stuffed into his bra.
“Stop eating your tits, dumbass.”
“I’m hungry and I literally have snack pockets right here. No wonder girls use them as storage.”
“We’re about to have dinner. Stop eating and at least pretend you want to be here.”
With those words, Katsuki turned back to their host Tsunagu, to talk about their respective jobs, Izuku finding out that Katsuki was actually a research and development chemist in the cosmetics industry. Damn, he had the brains and was hot too.
"Come on everyone! Dinner is served!" comes Nemuri's voice from the kitchen.
The spread the Hakamada's have put on was spectacular, Izuku isn't sure how they managed to get it done in just that afternoon. There were a variety of cooked meats and vegetables with their accompanying condiments. The spread was beautiful and disappearing quickly, all four of them loading up their plates with food. Izuku's plate was teeming with food but still Nemuri insisted he take more seeing as he was eating for two now.
"So, how did you guys meet?" Nemuri asked.
"Supermarket-" Katsuki said at the same time that Izuku said:
"Childhood friends-"
The other couple shoot each other a weird look at the outburst, Izuku deciding to power on with his story; if Katsuki was going to force him to pretend to be his wife he was going to make up their story.
"Katsuki always says we met at the supermarket, our mothers knew each other beforehand and introduced us there but I don't remember meeting him until kindergarten. We were such good friends until middle school where he made a new set of friends and started to tease me. We had a bit of a rough patch. But we made up in highschool, becoming friends again and deciding to go out. And as they say, the rest is history."
"That is so cute!' Nemuri exclaimed, "You two were each other's fated lot, always destined to find each other."
"Yeah I guess we were," Izuku said, turning to see Katsuki was staring holes into his now empty dinner plate in sheer embarrassment; the cute meet story too much for the tough guy with a spoilt bearded dragon to handle.
“You guys must have the funniest stories about each other,” Tsunagu chimed in, seeming to enjoy Katsuki’s embarrassment.
“Yeah,” Katsuki began, “like that time you absolutely face-planted during the athletics carnival in primary school. You bombed every event. So useless I started to call her Deku.”
“Yeah and Katsuki is such a baby most of the time I call him Kacchan. Everyone is always surprised when such a scary man has such a cutesy nickname.”
Katsuki turns to Izuku, halfway out of his chair in anger. Those comments really pressed his buttons it seems.
Good.
“Ha ha, oh my,” Nemuri begins awkwardly, “you two sure are a spitfire couple. I love to see that. Surely that must translate into the bedroom right?”
Apparently, Nemuri knew no bounds, and tonight neither did Izuku.
“Oh yeah for sure! We’ve definitely got some exciting things in our drawers and whatever but what really surprised me was how hard Kacchan came the one time I put my little finger in his ass.”
“Izumi!” Katsuki shrieked in disbelief.
“What babe? I was just being honest. And I mean if you wanted me to peg you all you had to do was ask.”
Katsuki shrunk back down into his seat at those words. His face a mixture between sheer embarrassment and intrigue, almost considering letting Izuku fuck his brains out. At least Izuku actually had the equipment for it and they didn’t need to buy anything from the store.
The other couple at the table were speechless, Tsunagu sending his wife bewildered looks from across the table, the second-hand embarrassment from the other couple on the table making him uncomfortable. Nemuri on the other hand seemed to be loving every minute of it, apparently incredibly interested in their sex life.
“I’ve asked Tsunagu to let me peg him time and time again. I even have a collection of dildo sizes for him to pick from! He just won’t let me do it.”
“Alright babe, it seems you’ve had enough to drink tonight and we need to get you to bed. Sorry to cut this short guys.”
“Nonsense! We haven’t even had the dessert yet!”
But apparently, Tsunagu was a force to be reckoned with when he wanted his way, ushering his wife to bed and seeing Izuku and Katsuki out.
They stood on the footpath outside of Hakamata’s house, taking in the stars that sparkled in the night sky.
“So,” Katsuki began, “do you reckon we will ever be invited back?”
Izuku laughs at the thought. There was no way Tsunagu would have them back, no matter how much Nemuri enjoyed their company. It made their life easier though, no need to explain the entire Izuku being a boy and Katsuki being desperate enough for a pineapple for his bearded dragon Frances to lie to them.
“No,” Izuku says with a smile, “I don’t think we will.”
“That’s too bad. I kind of wanted to see you again.”
“Really?”
“Really really.”
“Just checking, but you know I’m not actually a girl, right?”
“Yeah, I’m well aware. Your tits are looking a bit deflated. You’ve eaten like half of them.”
“Well, in that case, I would love to see you again. A proper first date.”
And with a fervent press of their lips, Izuku and Katsuki sealed their fates, tied to each other for the rest of their lives; living through celebration after celebration of both their anniversary and Frances’ birthday with pineapple chunks and tiny birthday hats.
They wouldn’t have it any other way.