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“I’m nervous.”
“You don’t need to be nervous.”
“But what if –”
“No,” Alix said. “No more ‘what if’s’. Marc was super happy you asked him to the dance. Super happy. So you’re going, and you’re going to have an amazing time. Got it?” She pulled her attention away from her math book to glare at her phone, as though force alone would get through to Nathaniel.
There was a long pause.
Alix glared harder.
“Okay,” Nathaniel said at last. “Okay, you’re right. About Marc, anyway. But I don’t think you’re right about not coming to the dance. Don’t you want to hang around with everyone?”
“Nope,” Alix said, leaning her chin on her hand. Gross couples hanging out doing gross things? She honestly couldn’t think of anything that she wanted to do less. She thought about having to watch Nathaniel and Marc make eyes at each other, or having to watch Adrien and Marinette sneak kisses when they thought no one was looking, or having to watch Juleka and Rose smile soppily as they slow danced, and shuddered.
Nathaniel sighed. “You don’t have to have a date. You could just come alone. Kim, Max, Lila, Chloé, and Sabrina are all coming alone,” he pointed out.
“Not interested,” Alix said firmly. “You go. Have fun. Rock Marc’s world. I’ll hear all about it tomorrow.” She reached out before he could argue and hit the end button.
Silence filled her room for a few seconds before it was Alix’s turn to sigh as she looked down at her homework. Honestly, this wasn’t really how she wanted to spend Friday night. But all of her classmates were going to the dance, and that was exactly where Alix didn’t want to be. The only other alternative was hanging out with Jaliel and that was even less appealing than the dance.
“Life was way more fun when we were kids and everyone thought that everyone else had cooties,” she muttered, closing her math book.
She had known this time was coming. They were all teenagers, so it was natural. And Nathaniel was right when he pointed out that not everyone in the class was dating someone – though in all fairness, Kim and Ondine were still an item. It just so happened that Ondine had a swim meet to attend this weekend, and of course that took precedence over a dance.
But it still made her feel awkward and weird, and a lot like she was being left out, and Alix didn’t like those feelings. She just didn’t know what to do about them. No one had ever come right out and asked her why she wasn’t dating anyone, but she still felt like they all wondered. It just felt like no one was brave enough to ask her to her face, and that was annoying for reasons she couldn’t properly express.
Maybe because she wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud.
She clenched her hands into fists and breathed out slowly, trying not to let her frustration get the better of her. Stewing in negative emotions were an excellent way to get Hawkmoth’s attention, and actually she’d been wrong before – the thought of getting akumatized was even less appealing than going to the dance or hanging out with her brother. She never wanted to get akumatized again if she could help it.
“That’s the spirit, Mini-Me!”
“What the –” Alix spun around in her chair so fast she nearly toppled over.
Bunnix grinned at her. “I’d apologize for coming in without being invited, but this is technically my bedroom, so…” She looked around. “Wow, this is totally nostalgic. I haven’t seen my room this way since I graduated from lycée.”
“What are you doing here?” Alix demanded, baffled and delighted at the same time. “Wait, is there an akuma?”
“Nope, no akuma. Besides, if there was an akuma, why would I come see you? I’d be off helping Minibug and Kitty Noir,” Bunnix said, walking over to Alix’s bookshelf.
“I helped last time,” Alix pointed out, though honestly, she hadn’t done much.
“Yeah, but I’m afraid that was a one-time thing,” Bunnix replied. She turned around, putting one hand on a cocked hip. “From now on, you should keep your distance from akuma fights until Minibug decides to give you the Rabbit miraculous.”
“I always keep my distance from akuma fights,” Alix said suspiciously. That suggested that there would be a time in the future where she wouldn’t be keeping her distance… but that didn’t make much sense. There was nothing she could do to help Ladybug and Chat Noir right now. To intervene in an akuma fight would mean getting in their way, and that wasn’t helpful.
“Sure you do,” Bunnix said with a knowing smile. “Just… try to keep that in mind for the future.”
“Okay,” Alix said slowly. “So… you came back in time just to tell me to stay away from akuma fights?” She looked Bunnix up and down, getting a better look at her future self now that they weren’t embroiled in an akuma fight. She wouldn’t go so far as to say that she had a glow up, but she had to admit that her future self looked pretty damn cool – even if apparently that growth spurt wasn’t going to be as big as Alix had hoped.
“Ah, that would be a no. I actually came back for a much more important reason,” Bunnix replied, and Alix felt herself straightening up without even thinking about it. Bunnix had said that there wasn’t an akuma, but clearly there was something going on.
“Do you need to see Ladybug and Chat Noir? Because I can’t exactly help you with that. I don’t know who they are,” Alix said, watching as Bunnix picked up her math book and started leafing through it.
“I know. You won’t learn who they are for another five and a half years, given or take,” Bunnix said absently.
“Whoa! I’m going to know who Ladybug and Chat Noir are?” Alix exclaimed.
“Of course you do. You can look through all of time,” Bunnix said, looking a bit amused. “It’s pretty hard to miss, given how much Ladybug and Chat Noir affect things.”
“That’s… wow.” Alix sat in stunned silence for a moment, trying to wrap her head around that. She knew the identities of Paris’s superheroes! Forget growing taller. That was the coolest thing in the world.
Bunnix smiled indulgently. “Focus, Mini-Me. I did say I was here for something super important, right?”
“Right! So what was it?” Alix snapped to attention and stared eagerly at her future self. She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it wasn’t what Bunnix said next.
“I wanted to talk to you about why you’re not going to the dance tonight,” Bunnix announced.
Alix stared at her.
Bunnix merely stared back, still smiling.
“You’re… you’re joking, right?” Alix said after several seconds. “You came back in time to talk to me about a freaking dance?!” Her voice might have gone a little shrill on that last word, but seriously?
“I’m not joking at all,” Bunnix said. She sat down on Alix’s bed. “I know why you’re not going.”
That made Alix pause.
Because of course Bunnix would know, wouldn’t she?
She hadn’t told anyone yet, but her future self… she’d lived through this already…
Alix clenched her hands into fists again. “Then you know why I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I do, which is why I’m here,” Bunnix said, leaning forward.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Alix said.
“Actually, it makes perfect sense, Mini-Me. Who better to talk to you about this than someone who has literally been exactly where you are now?” Bunnix said reasonably, crossing one leg over the other. “I know what you’re going through and what you’re feeling.”
“Do you also know what’s going through my head right now?” Alix asked dryly.
Bunnix made a big production of tapping her chin and humming loudly. “Hmm… something tells me that it’s a bunch of curse words that Dad would be really mad to hear you saying out loud.”
“Got it in one,” Alix said, crossing her arms. “I don’t see why we need to talk about it. I’m fine.”
“You’re about as fine as I was when I was in your position, which is to say that you’re not fine at all,” Bunnix replied. “Look… I get it. It’s awkward to feel different from everyone else. But did you ever stop to think that Juleka, Rose, Marc, and Nathaniel all feel different too?”
“That’s different,” Alix objected, then realized how odd that sounded. “I mean, it’s different from me. They still want all that gooey, gross stuff. They just want it with someone who is the same gender that they are. That’s a hell of a lot closer to being normal than someone like me, who doesn’t want it at all.” She stared at Bunnix, daring Bunnix to contradict her on this.
“I know,” Bunnix said, her expression softening. “I get it, and you’re not wrong. I just meant that not everyone around you is the same, and sometimes that’s really easy to forget when you’re locking yourself up in your room.”
“I’m not locking myself up in my room. I just don’t want to go to the dance,” Alix said.
“Why not?” Bunnix asked.
Alix hesitated for a moment, but realized that, if ever there was someone who she could tell, it was her future self. So she said, “I feel too weird when everyone is doing couple-y shit around me. It’s awkward. I feel like they’re all staring at me and wondering why I’m not doing couple-y things too.”
“Would it make you feel better to know that none of your friends are thinking that about you? I can guarantee that they’re all way too busy thinking about themselves and their crushes,” Bunnix said.
“Not really. Maybe a little. I just – ” Alix shrugged her shoulders and sighed. She didn’t know how to put it into words, but romance had always made her feel uncomfortable.
“It’s weird,” Bunnix said.
“So weird,” Alix agreed, a little relieved that Bunnix seemed to understand what she meant.
“So… you’re just going to spend the rest of your teenaged years locked in your room?” Bunnix asked.
“I’m not locked in my room,” Alix said, exasperated.
“You kind of are. And I’m just saying, your friends dating isn’t going to go away. In fact, as you get older, it’s only going to become more prominent and more serious. I won’t criticize you for trying to avoid it, but I do need to tell you that if your primary focus is going to be not being around people who are dating or acting like romantic idiots, you’re going to miss out on some really fun experiences,” Bunnix told her.
Alix scowled. “Are you saying I should expose myself to stuff that makes me uncomfortable just because I might miss out?”
“I’m saying that I’ve been where you are, and that there was a lot of fun stuff I could have missed out on if I’d decided to avoid everything. I don’t like being left out of things, and I know that you don’t either. Plus, you said it yourself: you’re more concerned with what other people are thinking about you. I think that’s what you’re really uncomfortable with,” Bunnix replied. She sounded so gentle that it made Alix’s stomach twist: she hadn’t realized that she was capable of being that gentle.
She sat in silence for a moment, thinking about that. Much as she hated to admit it, maybe Bunnix was right. Watching couples do stupid mushy stuff was awkward and it always would be, but it really wasn’t that hard to ignore. Her friends were pretty good about avoiding overly gross public displays of affection. But what Alix couldn’t ignore was the looming thought that maybe people were wondering why she never wanted to do any of that.
“What do I do then?” Alix asked. She hated how small her voice came out, but she couldn’t help it. This was all so much harder than she had been expecting it to be.
Bunnix patted the bed beside her. Alix hesitated for a few seconds before she got up and moved over to sit down beside Bunnix. She would have pulled away if Bunnix had tried to hug her or anything like that, but luckily Bunnix didn’t – well, of course she didn’t. This was Alix’s future self, so she knew how Alix felt about things like hugs. That was a lot harder to remember than Alix would’ve guessed.
“You could start by talking to a couple of your friends. Like Nathaniel. Take it from someone who has been there. He was very understanding,” Bunnix said.
“I guess I could do that,” Alix said slowly. The thought of talking about it was scary, but Nathaniel was probably the person she would choose if she had to pick someone. She knew he had struggled a lot with being bisexual. His feelings for Marc had been really confusing at first, and he and Alix had had many conversations about it before Nathaniel got up the courage to ask Marc out. She remembered being super proud of him for doing so, and suddenly wondered if Nathaniel would just feel as proud of her if she got up the courage to tell him the truth.
“Expectations are hard. It sucks when you don’t fit in with what society thinks you should,” Bunnix said.
Alix looked over at her. “So you still feel this way?”
“Oh yeah. If anything, I feel it even more strongly than you do. I’ve never really dated anyone. One-night stands are great, but I’m perfectly content on my own,” Bunnix said confidently. “No one could ever match my personal brand of awesome, you know?” She winked at Alix.
“We are pretty awesome,” Alix said with a small smile. “So… you think I should go to the dance?”
Bunnix shrugged. “That’s up to you. But I personally think an evening hanging out with my friends sounds like way more fun than doing math homework.” She made a rude gesture towards the desk that made Alix giggle.
“Yeah, you’re right. It does. But what do I do when people start slow dancing or making eyes at each other?” Alix asked.
“I usually just ignore it,” Bunnix admitted. “It’s awkward at first, but then I got a little more used to it.” She leaned over and lightly bumped her shoulder against Alix’s. “Besides, it’s okay to speak up if you’re feeling uncomfortable. You can ask people not to make out in front of you, you know.”
“Eww,” Alix said, crinkling her nose at the thought, and Bunnix chuckled.
“I know, right? But it gets a lot better once we all grow up a little,” she promised.
“I’m holding you to that,” Alix told her.
“You do that, Mini-Me,” Bunnix said, still laughing. “I guess that means it’s time for me to fly.” She got up.
“Wait!” Alix said.
Bunnix stopped. “What?”
“Is there a word for you? Me? Us?” Alix said. She didn’t know why it mattered suddenly: labels weren’t that important to her. Yet she wanted to know.
“It’s called being aromantic. Look it up someday when you don’t have a dance to get to,” Bunnix said, smiling. “See you around, Mini-Me!” A brilliant flash of light blue light lit up the room, forcing Alix to look away. When she turned back, blinking spots out of her eyes, Bunnix was gone.
“Aromantic,” Alix murmured. The word sounded kind of familiar. Perhaps she’d heard it from Nathaniel or had come across it while she was reading up on bisexuality to help Nathaniel.
Either way, right now it didn’t matter.
She had a dance to get to.
Collège Françoise Dupont was lit up by bright lights when Alix arrived. She’d changed into a pair of black pants and a bright blue shirt – no way was she wearing a dress! She thought she might stick out, but as she walked into the gym, she noticed a lot of other girls who were wearing nice pants and pretty tops too. It made her feel a little more at home.
“Alix!” Nathaniel called out. He appeared at her side as though by magic. “You came!”
“I changed my mind,” Alix said. “How is your date going?”
Nathaniel blushed, but looked very happy. “It’s really good. Marc let me hold his hand!”
“That’s great,” Alix said, genuinely pleased for him. “So… um, I came, but I don’t want to do any of… that stuff.”
“That stuff? What, you mean like holding hands?” Nathaniel’s eyebrows furrowed.
“Or dancing slow songs, or any of that dating crap,” Alix said. “Ever. It just doesn’t interest me.” She looked at him hard, daring him to comment.
“Oh.” Nathaniel sort of paused for a moment, then he shrugged. “Okay.”
That was it. Just okay.
Alix’s loud exhale of relief was hopefully hidden beneath the even louder music.
“But I do know something you will want to do,” Nathaniel said, smiling wickedly.
Alix gave him a suspicious look. “What?”
“Kim has named himself King of the refreshment table because no one can beat him in an eating contest,” Nathaniel replied.
“He what?!” Alix exclaimed, outraged. “No way! I can beat his butt in an eating contest any day, any time!”
Nathaniel grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that cause Marinette convinced her parents to cater for free and I’d like to be able to eat a macaron without Kim being an idiot about it. Could you go put him in his place?”
“Just show me where he is,” Alix declared, rolling up her sleeves. She followed Nathaniel through the crowd, all of her attention focused on the dessert table and the fact that Kim was strutting around like a proud peacock. There was no way she was going to let that stand. She marched right up to him and challenged Kim to an eating content, which of course she won.
Turned out dances could be fun after all.