Work Text:
“What does the ‘J’ stand for, Jschlatt?” Tommy asked.
“You know, literally everyone asks me this. I guess I’ll tell you guys. Alright, gather around, everybody, Mr. J dot Schlatt is gonna tell you what the J in my name stands for,” Schlatt beckoned everyone around. Everyone in the room gathered around, and Schlatt began his tale.
“It all started with my grandfather, whose last name was another name of vague German descent, Jingleheimer. He and my grandmother had two children, my mother and her brother, John. My mother married into the Schlatt family, and she and my father had me. I was named after my uncle. His full name was John Jacob Jingleheimer, and his name is my name, too.”
Everyone around him blinked.
“My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schlatt!”
“You cannot be serious right now,” Tubbo deadpanned.
“Jesus, you wonder why I never tell anyone. I tell you my sad story of how I am named this absurdly stupid thing and why I only go by my last name and you say I’m joking. Think about it, there has to be a reason I don’t mention my name. It’s stupid, that’s why.” Everyone had finally registered his story, and were all laughing at him.
“You- oh my god, it makes so much sense.”
“I’m named after my Uncle. His name was John Jacob Jingleheimer, and his name is my name too. And now, whenever I go out, the people will always shout; ‘John Jacob Jingleheimer Schlatt’!”