Work Text:
He was exhausted. Work had been hectic, more so than usual. He just hadn’t gotten a break, not even to sleep. And whenever he did, he just couldn’t sleep. Schlatt groaned. There was some noise out in the foyer that wouldn’t stop. It sounded like demonic British wailing. Why so specific? Don’t ask him, man, he’s just calling it like it is. Another wail was heard, and he finally slammed what he was working on down on his desk, marching outside.
Quackity is holding a baby, panicking. It was wailing, screaming about something. Quackity was frantically shushing it, pleading with it to stop. He froze when he saw Schlatt.
“Schlatt! I’m so sorry, I’ve been trying to get him to be quiet, but you can see how well that’s turned out…”
“Gimme the baby,” Schlatt instructed, reaching for him. Quackity backed away from him, holding the screaming infant away from him.
“What are you gonna do?” Quackity asked, suspicious.
“I’m gonna make it stop.”
“Are you gonna kill him?!”
“No, I’m not gonna- just give me the baby,” Schlatt growled, finally reaching the baby. He takes the baby more gently than everyone thought would happen, holding it properly. “So what did you do.”
“I don’t know! We changed his diaper, we fed him, I don’t know what he wants.”
“Did you burp him?”
“What?”
“Oh, my god Quackity, have you ever even held a baby?” He gently shifts the child to rest against his shoulder and pats the baby on the back until it burps. Some of the crying subsides, and it slowly stops. Quackity and Fundy stare in awe and the baby stops crying and starts playing with Schlatt’s horns.
“So who’s baby is this? I know it’s not yours, Fundip, I feel like yours would be a bit furrier. Quackity, if it’s yours I’m gonna slap you,” he threatened, leaning his head over as the child grabbed and tugged at his ears.
“No, it isn’t mine, it’s, um… it’s Tommy.”
“It’s Tommy’s kid? He’s a minor! What’s he doing going around having kids?”
“No, no. That is Tommy.”
“What the fuck.”
“We don’t know, he just showed up here!”
“Alright, well we can’t just toss him out, so I guess we gotta babysit him.”
“Yeah.”
“And I’m busy, so I guess you gotta babysit him,” the ram says. Schlatt tried to give Tommy back to Quackity so he could continue working, but as soon as he tried, Tommy started wailing again. Groaning, he takes him back for the sake of silence. “Fine! I guess I’ll babysit him.”
Schlatt takes him up to his office and clears a spot on his desk. He puts a little blanket pile there to let Tommy sleep while he works, and sits down. The child Brit fell right asleep.
“I envy you, kid,” he said softly.
About an hour later, there was more noise downstairs, and he heard shouting. Tommy woke up and started crying again, and Schlatt picked him up to calm him down. Loud steps are heard going up the stairs toward his office, and he turns to face the door, still holding Tommy. Wilbur, Tubbo, and Technoblade burst in, and Schlatt immediately shushed them.
“Shhh! You’re gonna make him start crying again! I have a bad enough headache as it is.”
“Oh boo hoo. Give me my brother,” Wilbur demands.
“Sure.” He begins to hand him off, but he starts crying again, grabbing at Schlatt’s ears and horns. He pried the little hands off, grimacing, but the child won’t stop screaming.
“Jesus, take him back!” Wilbur handed him back to the ram, and Schlatt soothes him, letting him rest against his shoulder and rubbing his back. “Why do you know how to deal with kids?” Wilbur asked. Quackity and Fundy popped their heads in. Schlatt glanced briefly at Tubbo before his eyes went back to Wilbur.
“I guess I’m just more competent,” he said, setting a now sleeping Tommy on the blanket, gently wrapping him in it before handing him to Techno, who glanced around uncertainly.
“Hey, why me?” He complained. “I don’t need this.”
“Well if there’s anything dangerous, you’re most likely to be able to fight one-handed.”
“No thanks. Think I speak for all of us when I say that for now, he’s safer in your hands.” Technoblade said, handing him back. Wilbur nodded in agreement. Schlatt felt a warmth in his chest, at their decision to trust him, but he didn’t say anything. He just nodded.
“Is it okay if we stay in L’manburg until he turns back? Or until Phil gets here?” Wilbur asked.
“Sure, if you can say it correctly,” Schlatt smirked.
“You’re a bastard.”
“Be a shame if I woke the baby.”
“Guh, fine. Manberg.”
“Thank you. Yes, you can stay.”
They left shortly after that, going to go visit some people. They came back a few hours later, with Phil this time, when they went up to Schlatt’s office, Schlatt had fallen asleep on his couch, Tommy sleeping on his chest. Quackity sighs.
“Finally. I don’t think he’s slept properly all week. It’s Thursday! I’m honestly wondering how he was even standing,” he says offhandedly. Wilbur states between the two.
“Why hasn’t he been sleeping?” He asks.
“No idea. Don’t ask him now.” Wilbur nods. Phil wrote something on a sticky note, and gently stuck it to Schlatt’s forehead. The ram stirred slightly, but did not wake up. Phil gently took Tommy, not waking him.
Everyone left again, and Quackity thanked them for getting Tommy. They all went back to where they were staying, and a few hours later, Phil got a call from Schlatt. Good. His note had requested that they spoke.
“Hey, Schlatt.”
“Hey, Phil. What did you need?”
“I wanted to say thank you for taking care of Tommy. I know you guys are kinda on opposite sides at the moment, and I know he can be a pain, but thank you.”
“Hey, it’s no problem. Besides, it’s practically payback for taking care of my boy this whole time.”
“Tubbo is a great kid. Very well-behaved.”
“Yeah, I’m proud of him.” Phil could hear the soft smile in Schlatt’s voice.
“Can I ask why you let him come on Wilbur’s side, then? Thought you’d’ve liked to spend more time with him.
“Yeah… after I exiled Tommy I knew I’d messed up, Tubbo just wasn’t the same. So, when I heard that he was a spy, you know, I wanted him to be happy, so I let him go after the festival.”
“Well he is indeed happier.”
“Thank you.”
“You should sleep more, Schlatt. You sound tired. When we came and got Tommy, you looked exhausted.”
“I’m busy, Phil, it’s not like I haven’t been trying.”
“I know. But you do need to sleep. Why haven’t you?”
“I just can’t. I dunno why, I just can’t.”
“Okay. Well, take care of yourself, Schlatt.” The ram let out a soft chuckle.
“That’s a good one, Phil. Have a nice day.”