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It feels like a slap in the face when Seb tells him the news. “What do you mean you won’t be here for Valentine’s Day?” Is it just Carlos or is the world ending?
Seb sighs as he closes his locker, and normally Carlos would think of his voice as twinkling bells, but right now every syllable feels like a sharp jab in his chest. “My parents are taking me out of town to this auction for the new livestock we’re getting. I know it’s really last minute...but we can still FaceTime and everything!”
Carlos frowns, eyebrows pulling down with worry. “Are you sure you have to go? I mean, it’s our first Valentine’s Day as a couple. It’s kind of a defining moment in a relationship.”
“I know, I’m really sorry, Carlos,” Seb says, shouldering his bookbag. “We can celebrate and do all of our Valentine’s Day plans when I get back, okay?”
Carlos feels like those icicles glinting dangerously in the East High parking lot that he passed on his way inside. They looked so strong, so unbreakable—until you brush against them, just the teeniest bit, and the world around you is sent shattering into shards of it.
Maybe Carlos is too much of a hopeless romantic. Maybe that’s why it feels like he’s suffocating when he feigns a smile and says, “Sure, yeah. Of course.”
Seb grins before squeezing Carlos’s shoulder, and they make their way down the hall together like they always do, bumping hands but never holding them. Carlos is almost used to the ache of disappointment that’s inhabited the place where his heart is supposed to be.
Not even being in the rehearsal room is enough to make Carlos feel better about the fact that he’s going to be alone on Valentine’s Day. He thought now that he finally had someone to share it with, he wouldn’t have to feel sad and watch all the other couples surprise each other with gifts and be sickeningly sweet in the hallways, but it looks like this year will be no different after all. Just Carlos and his lonely self per usual.
He doesn’t get to pity himself for much longer before EJ Caswell’s standing in the doorway, looking about as weary as Carlos feels. “You know, it’s bad enough that we have to meet outside rehearsals, but on a Friday? Really?”
Carlos rolls his eyes, more annoyed than he really should be as he drops his bag on the floor. “We could always cancel and just let you trip and fall during the ballroom scene.”
“Ugh, fine. Let’s do this,” EJ sighs.
Carlos presses play on the “Tale as Old as Time” track from the boombox and makes his way to the middle of the room where EJ’s standing. He knows he should be used to it by now, especially with it being his second musical as East High’s resident choreographer, but the idea of having to dance one-on-one with EJ is making his stomach lilt with that thrilling zing you get when you ride a rollercoaster. Slowly, he puts one hand on EJ’s shoulder, the other clasping the hand on his right. “Five, six, seven, eight,” he says, and they begin waltzing.
It goes smoothly for all but ten seconds before Carlos forgets to spin out when he’s supposed to, teeth digging into his bottom lip at the mistake. “Let’s take it from the top,” he says. This time, they get about thirty seconds in before he steps on his foot, EJ sucking in a breath at the accidental contact.
Carlos mumbles out a half-hearted apology as he pauses the music, not having felt this out of his element in...well, ever. “Dude,” EJ says. “Are you okay? No offense, but you seem really out of it.”
Great, he thinks, it’s noticeable how much of a mess I am. “I’m fine,” he huffs. “Now, from the top—”
“Carlos,” EJ says, eyebrows furrowed, and the fact that he actually seems concerned makes something in his chest ache. “Seriously, are you sure you’re okay? I mean, we can do this another day if you’re not feeling up for it.”
“Listen, I know you don’t want to be here, but we’ve got a show to do,” he snaps, and he can see the concern on EJ’s face shift to painstaking annoyance.
“Okay. Then maybe you should start dancing like it,” EJ retorts.
Carlos crosses his arms; he knows he probably deserves it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. “Maybe I could if you weren’t distracting me with your terrible dancing.”
EJ glares. “And maybe I could actually dance if you were a better teacher.”
Carlos blinks hard, fists clenching at his sides before he releases them. “You know what, EJ?” he says, ignoring the way his voice cracks like fissures in worn glass for his own dignity. “I don’t need this, especially not today,” He picks his bag up off the floor, knuckles white from how hard he grips it. “And if you really want to know why I’m so upset, maybe it’s because my boyfriend isn’t even going to be here on our first ever Valentine’s Day as a couple, so. Excuse me for being distracted.”
“Carlos…,” EJ says, and Carlos doesn’t even have to glance up to hear the hurt in his voice, his stomach twisting with a sickening mix of sadness and guilt.
“I’ll see you later,” he says, shaking his head as he storms off. Great. As if this day couldn’t get any worse, he’d had to go and start an argument with EJ Caswell, all because he couldn’t keep his stupid feelings in check.
A couple days pass after the whole fiasco with Seb and EJ, and even then, he’s still feeling pretty crummy about it all. Not only did he not get to say bye to Seb before he’d left, but EJ had completely avoided him at rehearsal yesterday, not that Carlos can even blame him. With a sigh, Carlos walks into school, his heart feels heavier by the second as he sees couples giving each other sappy smiles and heart-covered teddy bears.
Absentmindedly, Carlos twists open the combination on his locker, and he definitely doesn’t expect to be assaulted by the bright red and pink roses sitting on top of his textbooks, along with a box of chocolates so big that he’s baffled they even fit in his locker at all. Immediately, he pulls out his phone and calls Seb, the smile overtaking half his face as he realizes what he did for him. “Seb, I can’t believe you did all this!”
“Did what?” Seb laughs in confusion.
Carlos frowns. “The chocolates and flowers in my locker?”
“What? I didn't send those,” Seb says. “That reminds me, though. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Something in Carlos’s chest drops; he should’ve known it was too good to be true that Seb had done all that for him. “You, too....,” he says. “But if you didn’t put these in here...who did?”
“That would be me,” says a voice next to him, and lo and behold, there’s EJ Caswell standing next to him and holding a teddy bear with a heart between its paws.
Carlos’s mouth hangs open, and he can’t help but stare at EJ in blank surprise as his mind tries to comprehend what’s happening. “Seb, I’ve got to go,” he says, hanging up despite the fact that Seb is still talking.
“Sorry I didn’t put this in your locker,” he says, his smile dazzling as he hands Carlos the teddy bear, acting like this is all perfectly normal. Carlos is pretty certain that it is not . “I didn’t think it’d fit with...well, you know.” He gestures to his stuffed locker.
To say the entire exchange feels like a dream is an understatement . “EJ...what is all this?” Carlos asks, almost tempted to pinch himself to see if this is real, because why else would EJ Caswell be giving him presents on Valentine’s Day and acting like they’re...you know. Together.
“Well, I wanted to apologize for being such a ‘beast’ at rehearsal yesterday,” he says, laughing at his own pun. Carlos is in such disbelief that he just blinks. “Also, I know it must be hard, not being able to celebrate Valentine’s Day with Seb, so I thought I’d, you know, fill in.”
Carlos takes a few minutes to reply, the gears in his head feeling like they’re on overdrive. “Listen, if this is your way of apologizing, you really don’t have to. I mean, it was mostly my fault for taking my feelings out on you, so…”
“Still,” EJ says. “After what you said the other day, I mean, I don’t want you to spend Valentine’s Day by yourself. And it’s not like I have a date either, so I figured...why not celebrate it together?”
The suggestion makes every nerve in his heart stand on end. “EJ, I don’t even know what to say…”
“Just say yes and I’ll forget that you called me a terrible dancer,” EJ jokes. “So...are you in?”
Carlos, least to say, has no idea what to say to this proposition, still trying to wrap his mind around what’s happening. He especially doesn’t expect himself to say, “Yeah. Okay.”
EJ smiles, letting out a relieved laugh. “Good, cause that would’ve been kind of embarrassing if you’d said no.” Carlos smiles back, can’t even help it. “So...I’ll pick you up at eight?”
He nods, ignoring the way his heart beat is roaring in his ears. “Yeah, I’ll see you then.”
Later that night, EJ picks him up and Carlos thinks his pulse might leap out of his skin. The pressured air of EJ’s car is so quiet it’s almost loud. They don’t exchange any words except slightly awkward ‘hey’s’, and all Carlos can hear is the deafening hum of the engine. EJ doesn’t even think to put music on, or if he does, chooses not to, and Carlos is so nervous that he doesn’t even care.
After about fifteen minutes of driving, EJ pulls up in front of Big Red’s family pizzeria, Redonovich’s.
“Surprise.” EJ says, his voice cracking slightly. He looks at Carlos so openly that it feels like he has all the power of the world in his hands. He’s not sure what to do with it.
“Me and Seb were supposed to come here,” Carlos echoes emptily, and he doesn’t like the way EJ falters at the words, doesn’t like the way his stomach twists into a knot.
“Oh...do you want to go somewhere else?”
Carlos shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. Let’s go.”
EJ opens the big glass door with the logo printed on the front for Carlos, and they slip into bright lights and casual music. A friendly hostess seats them at a table, and before they can even catch their breaths, Big Red pops out of nowhere, bright and cheery as ever. “Hey, guys! Are you on a double date, or something?”
“Nope, it’s just the two of us,” EJ says.
“Oh...am I remembering wrong or aren’t you, like, with Seb?” Big Red asks Carlos, scratching his head.
“Oh, we’re not, you know, together,” EJ says. “I mean we’re here together, but not...together together.”
“Oh, yeah, totally,” Big Red says, though it’s obvious he doesn’t understand at all. “Anyway, what can I get you?”
They both rattle off orders, talking at the same time and stumbling over each other, and EJ lets Carlos go first. It’s not the most swift exchange, but there’s a sigh of relief sitting on his lungs once Big Red whisks away with their food and drinks written down in his chicken scratch. Carlos absentmindedly munches on a breadstick when he catches EJ staring at him.
“What?” he asks, a little self-consciously and a lot suspiciously. He’s not used to people looking at him, let alone people like EJ Caswell, co-captain of the waterpolo team. Before last year, EJ hadn’t even known he existed, let alone celebrating Valentine’s Day with him like...like he wanted to.
“Nothing, I guess I just…,” EJ starts, then stops, then starts again. “What’s with you and Seb?”
“What do you mean?” Carlos asks, almost defensively, even though he almost definitely knows what EJ means.
“Well, I saw that he almost stood you up at the school dance, and now Valentine’s Day? Doesn’t that make you...I don’t know...upset?”
Of course it makes me upset, Carlos almost says sarcastically, but as he’s shown Carlos the past few days, EJ genuinely cares. In a weird, unexpected sort of way that Carlos didn’t see coming.
“Yeah, I just…,” Carlos sighs, and this conversation seems almost too heavy for the almost cartoonish atmosphere, “I feel like I always put so much effort in, you know? But farm stuff always ends up coming first. Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, or I’m being overdramatic, but...it really sucks.”
EJ nods sympathetically. “Maybe you just need to find someone who’s a hopeless romantic, too,” he suggests.
Carlos nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “Yeah, maybe.”
When Big Red comes around with two Diet Cokes and a meat lover’s pizza, Carlos is almost relieved he doesn’t have to look into EJ’s imploring face anymore.
Carlos sidles back in the passenger’s seat as they leave Redonovich’s, buckling his seat belt as EJ pulls out of the parking lot. “So, where to now?” he asks.
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that,” EJ says. “It’s kind of a surprise.”
“Oh, really?” Carlos asks, raising an eyebrow. “Should I be worried, or…?”
“I guess you’ll have to find out,” he grins.
It’s not long before EJ turns and parks next to a basketball court, and it’s definitely not what Carlos was expecting, to say the least. “You’ve met me, right?” Carlos asks, staring skeptically at the dark court. “Why are we here again?”
“ We are going to take a little stroll down memory lane,” EJ says, grabbing a basketball Carlos hadn’t noticed before from the backseat. They both get out of the car, Carlos wrapping his arms around himself at the chilly night air. “Specifically when you had to fill in as Chad during the musical last year.”
Carlos scoffs in amusement. “Right. There’s a reason that was my one and only time in the spotlight.”
“What are you talking about? You did great,” EJ laughs, bouncing the basketball towards Carlos. Carlos watches it dribble on the ground for a few seconds before he grabs it and bounces it back. “Honestly, I can’t believe you never auditioned for anything.”
“Please,” he laughs. “My talents lie with dancing. Besides, I’d much rather leave the acting to you,” he says. “I know I shouldn’t say this since I work with the director and all, but...you being Beast was basically a no-brainer.”
“Thanks,” EJ smiles, and for some reason, it makes Carlos feel warm despite the cold around them. “Honestly, I was a little worried after not getting Troy, but...I guess I finally found a way to perform authentically. You know, without looking like I’m having an allergic reaction,” he jokes. He holds the ball and aims it at the goal, the basketball swishing through the net with ease.
Carlos meets his eyes, and he knows exactly what he’s referring to—that day at the El Rey—and something in his stomach twists. “Yeah, well, you still need to find a way to dance authentically,” he teases.
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” EJ groans, throwing his head back. “I’m never going to get that down, am I?”
“Of course you are, come on,” Carlos says. He holds out his hand, ignoring the way all his nerves stand on end as EJ takes it.
They begin their waltz, both of them dancing around the basketball court in tune to the imaginary song playing. The dance comes so naturally for them this time that for a moment, Carlos actually forgets that it’s just for the show. “See, I knew you could do it,” he says.
“Well, only because I have such a great teacher,” he says. He twirls Carlos, watching him spin out before pulling him close to his chest, and Carlos swallows. He thinks if he listened really closely, he might be able to hear his heartbeat.
As they keep dancing, EJ dips him, meeting his gaze as he asks, “Carlos?”
Carlos swallows hard, the look in his eyes so intense that he can feel his heart thundering in his chest, and honestly, he’s not sure what he’s hoping for him to say. “Yeah?”
“Have I ever told you I’m a hopeless romantic?” he asks, and for once, Carlos doesn’t think. This is a dance where he doesn’t know every step, doesn’t have every movement planned out, so instead of thinking and analyzing every possible detail, he doesn’t. All he knows is he wants one thing, and right now, that’s EJ.
Carlos leans closer right as EJ crashes his lips against his own, and though he’d had absolutely no idea what to expect, it definitely wasn’t this—the feeling like his heart might explode into a billion fireworks and be consumed by the butterflies overwhelming every fiber of his being. He presses closer to him, feeling warmer than he has in a long time.
Honestly, he’s not sure what’ll happen afterwards—what he’ll do about Seb, specifically—but right now, it doesn’t matter. All he knows is that when he’s kissing EJ, his chest doesn’t ache with that void of disappointment he’s gotten so used to over the past several months. Instead, his heart glows and burns brighter than Carlos even knew it was capable of.