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“Wright - Phoenix. I’m… taken.”
Phoenix blinked. “What?”
Edgeworth sighed, clutching his own arm. “I’m not available. Romantically.”
Phoenix’s jaw dropped. “You’re what?”
“What part of this do you not understand?” Edgeworth snapped. “No, I will not go on a date with you, because I am already romantically involved with someone.” He shook his head. “I appreciate that it is difficult to put yourself out there, and I would like to continue the platonic relationship we’ve developed, but the answer is no.”
“But - but who?” Phoenix sputtered. “I’ve never seen you with anyone.”
“It is a private relationship, and I would like it to remain that way.”
“You can’t - “ Phoenix stopped and took a breath. This was always a possibility. Sure, he’d been in love with Miles Edgeworth literally his whole life, and sure, he’d changed his whole career track to find him again, and sure, every time they met his heart raced, but none of that meant that Edgeworth had to feel the same way about him. He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat and hoped the hollow gaping hole in his chest wasn’t visible, despite how it felt. “Okay,” he said, breathing out slowly. “Yeah. That’s… that’s fine. I’m - “ He forced a smile. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”
Edgeworth looked suspicious. “Thank you.”
“But you’re really not gonna tell me who it is?”
“No.”
“Then how do I know you’re not making it up to let me down easy?”
“Because if I was rejecting you, Wright, I wouldn’t cushion it.”
“Ouch. Okay.” He perked up. “Wait, so you’re only saying no because you’re with someone? So if you weren’t you’d say yes?”
Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. “I would consider it.”
Phoenix nodded slowly. “Alright. Well. Uh. Still friends?”
Edgeworth rolled his eyes. “Still friends. Now go away. I have work to do.”
Phoenix couldn’t let it go, which really shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone. It wasn’t like he was planning to, say, sabotage the relationship so he’d have a shot. That would be crazy! Haha.
He just really needed to know.
So, Edgeworth wouldn’t tell him who he was dating. That was fine. There was one other person he was sure would know, and he’d be a lot easier to get answers from.
Phoenix caught up to Detective Gumshoe outside the precinct. “Hey, Gumshoe! Can I buy you lunch?”
Gumshoe brightened. “Really? Thanks!” Then his eyes narrowed. “Hang on, why?”
Phoenix stuck his hands in his pockets. “I just have a question for you.”
Gumshoe snorted. “No way, pal. I’m not giving you any information.”
“It’s not about a case,” Phoenix said, stepping into Gumshoe’s path before he could pass him. “It’s, uh, a personal matter.”
Gumshoe blinked. “Personal?”
“Yeah. Well, kind of.”
Gumshoe sighed. “What’s the question, pal?”
Phoenix blurted it out. “WhoisEdgeworthdating?”
Gumshoe tilted his head. “Huh?”
“Who,” Phoenix repeated, trying to enunciate, “is Edgeworth dating?”
Gumshoe went pale. “H-he’s not,” he said. “Dating. Anyone.”
“I know he is,” Phoenix replied, crossing his arms. “And I’m sure you know who.”
“W-why would I know? I don’t! I don’t know anything! I’ve n-never even met the guy!”
“So he is dating someone,” Phoenix said. “And it’s a guy.”
“Aw, c’mon, pal.” Gumshoe’s shoulders sagged. “You don’t gotta be all lawyer-y at me.”
“I’m always looking for the truth,” Phoenix declared. “So. Edgeworth is dating a guy. And you say you’ve never met him?”
“T-that’s right!”
“How do you know Edgeworth’s dating someone?”
“He… uh…” Gumshoe rubbed the back of his head. “Mr. Edgeworth got flowers? Yeah, that’s it! They sent him flowers?”
Phoenix shouted, “Objection!”
“Hey, keep it down, pal,” said Gumshoe, glancing around.
“Those flowers,” Phoenix continued, “were from Wendy Oldbag.”
“Y-yeah! You figured it out, pal. He’s dating Wendy Oldbag!” Gumshoe grinned, the corners of his mouth trembling from nerves. “I guess she just wore him down, you know? Hah, weird couple, but guess it’s, uh…”
“And I know that’s not who he’s dating,” Phoenix continued, “because she’s not a ‘guy.’”
“Uh - that’s - I - I mean, sometimes I say ‘guy’ but it could be a lady. I say it all the time!”
“You say ‘pal.’”
“I also say ‘guy,’ pa - guy!” Gumshoe winced as the word left his mouth.
Phoenix shook his head, smirking. “Just make it easy on yourself, Detective, and tell me the truth.”
“I am! I really - I mean, I can’t - “ He sighed heavily. “Okay, okay, uh, I can’t tell you who he’s dating because, um…” Gumshoe trailed off, looking skyward in thought. “Because it’s another lawyer!” he shouted. “Yeah! That makes sense. He’s gotta keep it quiet or he’d be in trouble.”
“Another lawyer?” That would make sense, if Gumshoe wasn’t still fidgeting and avoiding eye contact. “A prosecutor?”
“Uh…”
“Because I know a lot of the prosecutors.”
“Then it’s a defense attorney. Yeah.”
“Hmm.” Phoenix tapped his chin. “Can you describe him to me? Then you don’t have to name him.”
“I… uh… I guess I can, a-and then you’ll stop asking, right?”
“Sure.”
“Okay. He’s, um, he’s got black hair, and brown eyes - err, blue. Brown? I forget.” Gumshoe/s tone grew more confident. “He’s always wearing a blue suit, and his hair is all spiky, and he shouts ‘Objection’ really loud - “
“Gumshoe. You’re describing me.”
Gumshoe froze. Then he looked at Phoenix. “Oh. I… I guess I am, huh? Hah. That’s a funny coincidence!”
Phoenix shook his head. “You’re not fooling me one bit, Gumshoe.” He toyed with the magatama in his pocket. It wasn’t like he needed it to know Gumshoe was lying, and he knew what he was lying about, he just didn’t know why. Still, he held it in his hand and just like that the Psyche-Locks appeared. Three of them, with one centered over Gumshoe’s heart. “You know exactly who Edgeworth is dating, so spill it!”
“Urgh!” Gumshoe flinched, then sighed. “I can’t, pal,” he said, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. “He’d be so mad at me if I told you we - “
They both froze.
“...ed,” Gumshoe continued, “is… bad.”
Phoenix grimaced. “Excuse me?”
“Weed is bad,” Gumshoe repeated. “Don’t do drugs.”
“That’s not what you were going to say.”
“Yeah it is!”
“You were going to say that Edgeworth would be mad at you for telling me weed is bad?”
“Yeah! B-because he… likes it?”
Phoenix stared blankly at Gumshoe. “You’re going to tell me that Edgeworth loves weed and somehow that’s less embarrassing than who he’s dating?”
The first lock wobbled, then shattered. “He’s not embarrassed!”
“Then why’s it a secret!”
“Because he - he can’t tell anyone because it’s - the President!”
“The President?”
“Uh-huh!”
“Of the country?”
“That’s the guy!”
Phoenix pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d underestimated Gumshoe’s obstinance. “Fine, then, how did they meet?”
“Um, Edgeworth ran into him at a hockey game?”
“Edgeworth was watching a hockey game.”
“...playing.”
“Edgeworth met the President at a hockey game he was playing in.”
“Yup. President was on the other team. Real dramatic!”
“Gumshoe. I can’t believe this is the point I’m calling you on, but Edgeworth doesn’t play hockey.” The second lock jiggled as Gumshoe flinched. “He can’t ice skate.”
The lock shattered, leaving just one. Gumshoe groaned and clutched his chest like he could feel it break.
“C’mon, pal,” he pleaded, “don’t make me tell ya.”
“You know who Edgeworth is dating but no one else does,” Phoenix said, almost to himself. “You were trying to cover it up. You say it’s not because he’s embarrassed. Maybe… maybe you were telling the truth when you said he had to ‘keep it quiet’ or ‘be in trouble.’ Because it’s someone he shouldn’t be with.”
“Nnngh… stop, pal…”
“The only person I can think of who Edgeworth might get ‘in trouble’ for dating would be someone he worked with. Someone who you’d have a vested interest in protecting as well. And that someone…” Phoenix stepped back and extended his arm, suddenly fully confident in his conclusion. “Is you!”
“Nooooo!” Gumshoe grabbed the sides of his head as the last lock shattered. “How’d you figure it out? I was so careful!” He sighed, letting his hands drop again. “Okay, fine. I admit it. Just - just don’t tell anybody else, please?”
“Why are you hiding it?” Phoenix asked. “Don’t tell me Edgeworth told you - “
“Not at all, pal. It was my idea.” Gumshoe rubbed the back of his head. “Look, I know I’m not exactly the prettiest face or the sharpest needle, but he’s kept me around anyway. He’s way outta my league. I just don’t want to make him look bad. And you know his career’s important. People might get the wrong idea if it got out he was dating his detective.” He sighed deeply, practically hunched over in despair. “Why’d you wanna know so bad, anyway?”
Phoenix opened his mouth, then stopped. He swallowed his original reason and said, “I wanted to make sure he was with someone who’s good for him. And I think that’s you.”
Gumshoe looked up. “You mean it?”
“Yeah.” Phoenix patted him on the shoulder. “He’s lucky to have you. And don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. But I don’t think you should feel like you have to hide it.”
Gumshoe smiled faintly. “Thanks, pal. You’re a good friend, huh?”
Gumshoe stuck out both arms, and Phoenix really had no choice but to go into the hug. Gumshoe was a damn good hugger, warm and strong and soft, and it helped to make the hollow feeling in his chest a little lighter. He knew it would go away eventually, but knowing that Edgeworth was in good hands… it helped.