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Lilian laid her back against the headrest, a sigh escaping her lips. The quiet ticking display that showed the time the only other thing breaking the silence. 4.36 am, it showed, and it meant a chaotic night of driving, of hurting and wounds, of being-too-late and too early was behind them. The last patient she had treated was hopefully sleeping now in Riverclan camp.
Moto shifted in the passenger’s seat next to Lilian, and she looked at her friend, her body almost too tired to raise her heartbeat at the sight of the other woman. Moto’s ginger brown hair was a mess, some strands sticking to the headrest. Dark rings lingered under her caramel brown eyes, her dark blue hoodie dirty, a dark splatter of blood dried on her sleeve (Lilian’s mind numbly remembered that it probably was Misty’s). Moto blinked the sleep away, and returned Lilian’s gaze.
They stayed like that for a moment, too tired to move, to speak, alone in the cold grey morning. The rest of the parking lot was empty, which made sense for a Saturday, and heavy clouds covered the sky, breeze barely strong enough to move a leaf. It was bound to rain today, Lilian thought, and for a moment considered trying to muster up the strength to open the windows of her car and let some of the pre-rain air inside. Get the stench of blood and sanitizer out.
The quiet was deafening, almost, but had a weird calm to it. It grew heavier, and Lilian turned her gaze out of the windshield, staring at a tree.
Moto hummed, her voice slightly hoarse, “I’d say good morning, but well…” she trailed of, and Lilian picked up tiredly, “It’s neither good nor morning, is it?” The other woman nodded in the corner of Lilian’s eye, “Yeah.”
Silence reigned again, in which Lilian wanted to get up and strangle the bird that dared to sing. Were bird even awake at five am?
Was she even awake? Or had this entire night just been a dream?
That would explain why all of it only seemed like a blur, patient to patient, plaster and gauze, a broken arm here, a cut across the temple here, a fire wound on the shoulder here, giving out pills, medicine, cooling pads, hands a rhythm that goes from steady to trembling, tears, sweat, dehydration making her vision blurry, keep on helping, just keep-
“Alei?” a voice interrupted her thoughts, and Lilian jumped, someone had used her middle name, who even used it, what-
Warm hands trapped hers in her lap, and Lilian stared down at them, at the pale brown ones, then at her own, crescent fingernail shapes dug in, leaving imprints, and they were still fidgeting why were they moving-
Lilian relaxed back into the seat, and her fingers stopped moving, holding onto the other hands with her thumbs slightly.
“Sorry.” Lilian mumbled, “Don’t know what came over me.”
Moto’s smile was warm and understanding, answering, “No need to apologise. Panic after a night like this is simply human.”
Lilian nodded numbly and pressed down the tinge of sadness when her friend pulled back her hands. The silence was back, and although it wasn’t as chocking as before, Lilian still wished there was something to fill it with. The display blinked as 5.07 am, and the woman tore her gaze away from it, not willing to accept the fact that she had been awake for almost 24 hours. What she needed was coffee, or just home, a quick call with her sister, and then sleep, sleep, Lilian would even accept some sofa.
Eyes growing heavy and mind slowing down, she was almost asleep when suddenly a too cheerful, too bright melody interrupted her. Lilian shot up, trying to identify the music, and her gaze landed on Moto.
The other woman was fishing for the sound on the backseat, and emerged with her phone ringing. Lilian wasn’t fast enough to read what stood on the display of it, what bright white name had interrupted the quiet, when Moto stared at it, brow furrowed, then picked up, bringing the phone up to her ear, starting at Lilian, who frowned back, worried.
“Hel-,” Moto started, then back away, eyes wide, when a stern voice barked loud enough for Lilian to hear “MOROZOVA!”
Lilian, in her deprived state, couldn’t immediately pin the voice, only weak anger building up at the woman who was shouting at Moto. Moto in turn seemed calm though, if not still exhausted, answering, “Stars, Leonie, why so loud at five am? There has got to be someone you just woke up.”
Leonie, who Lilian now recognised as Riverclan’s leader Leonie Fuhr, shot back, “Don’t ‘stars, Leonie’ me right now. Where are you, Morozova?”
Moto sighed as she looked around vaguely “In a car.” She sounded hoarse, “On a parking lot. Somewhere. Around. Why?”
Leonie’s sigh got the connection crackling, “Just checking in on my Clan. Misty sent some people out to get coffee and breakfast, Willow is half asleep on the floor, and the only ones awake are me and, well, the people who are out.”
Moto let out a long breath, fingers carding through her messy hair, “Tell Willow she should go to sleep. I’ll come in a bit and check on the wounded.”
“Alright. Have you slept at all?” The worry in Leonie’s voice was astounding to Lilian, never having heard the leader’s softer side before. She could only assume she was witnessing this because Leonie didn’t know she was here.
“I have not, not really. We’ll stop by a McDonalds or something on the way to you and I’ll sleep during the day.”
“We? Never mind, I don’t really care right now. Don’t die though, please.”
“We won’t,” Moto answered, a small smile touching her lips, and Lilian looked away so her thoughts wouldn’t focus on that. “See you in a bit.”
Leonie cut the connection without a goodbye. Moto put her phone away into the pocket of her hoodie, pulling a hair tie from her wrist and gathering her hair into a, still messy, but much better bun, and looked back at Lilian.
Lilian smiled, hands finding the steering wheel, “McDonalds?”
Moto grinned tiredly, but it was a grin nevertheless, and lifted a shoulder in half a shrug, “Unless you have a better idea to where I can find a coffee and some cheap fries?”
Not even thinking about it, Lilian already typed in the address of the nearest one, “It’ll have to do.”
The nearest McDonalds that popped up was surprisingly the one Lilian always went to, usually with Sybil, when her sister or Lilian herself needed an out, or a quick lunch. It was familiar, and she appreciated that, that was what she needed in the moment.
Moto hummed slightly and scrolled through something on her phone, “Black coffee and Espresso? That’s what I’m taking, anyways. Fries, as well… you want something else?”
Turning on the blinker and throwing a quick look over her shoulder, Lilian answered, “That sounds good, and uh, an apple pie.” They were shitty, but they were what Lilian craved right now, pure sugar and false flavours.
Moto didn’t comment, only nodding and leaning back again.
The ten minutes that it took them to get to the fast-food place were filled with the radio, and Lilian’s hands clutching the wheel tightly, and she was almost sure her hands would leave imprints on it, having grabbed it so hard the entire night long, from when she carted herself and Moto from Thunderclan to Riverclan and back.
Coming to a halt at the red light, Lilian actually heard the radio then. Trashy mainstream music ended, and the 5.30 news came on. “New reports coming in from two Clan camps.” The speaker was saying, and Lilian’s knuckles turned white, “Something big happened this night; witnesses report at least three explosions on Thunderclan territory, we’re guessing about fifty people involved, including the respective leaders of River-, Thunder-, and Shadowclan. Sightings of Windclan are few. The majority of those fifty are, presuming, wounded, some gravely, and reports of deaths haven’t come in yet. The Clans are silent still, and we’re-,”
Moto’s hand turned the reporter off. Lilian was grateful for that- she didn’t want the events of last night replayed falsely for everyone to hear. Hopefully her father, or Leonie, or maybe even Blake would get a half-assed statement out for the press to eat before eight am.
“All they’re playing is last night.” Moto murmured, mostly to herself, but Lilian agreed anyways.
“Stars knew they would.” She replied just as quietly.
Moto stayed silent, shifting slightly, gazing out the window.
Lilian threw her a quick look, before focusing on the street again. “You don’t- you don’t believe in them, do you? Stars, I mean.” She continued, careful to not look at Moto.
“The stars? Of course I believe in them. I think they’re giant balls of fire, lightyears away from us, only enjoyable as specks in the night sky.” Her voice was even, and calm, and even though she was disagreeing with what Lilian had been raised with, disagreeing with their entire lifestyle, Lilian found herself smiling, “You know what I mean.”
Moto chuckled, “I do. So, no, I don’t believe that the stars are the- the souls of our dead ancestors. It’s kind of morbid to think about, isn’t it? Dead people in the sky, watching our every move.”
Lilian shook her head fondly, not answering her friend. Redirecting the conversation to “Go inside or drive-thru?” she took the turn to McDonalds.
After a moment of hesitation, Moto answered, “Drive-thru. I’ll order.”
Lilian obeyed and pulled up to the speaker, leaning back a little to let Moto more space to bring through their order, trying not to blush when the woman leaned on the steering wheel, far too close to Lilian for her think.
“We’ll have two black coffees, two Espressos, two fries and an apple pie.” Moto said clearly, lingering a moment before leaning back into her seat. The tired voice of the worker was ruffled through the speakers, “Just a moment.”
Lilian rolled forward a little to receive the order and pay, taking the paper bag and smiling slightly at the worker, who didn’t bother to smile back. “Ketchup?” he asked, and when she nodded, passed over the packets.
When she reached for her purse, Moto slapped her hand away, “I’ll pay. You’ve been driving this poor car all night, let me do a favour.”
Before she could argue, Moto had already given the guy his money and was prompting Lilian to drive away. Sighing unnecessarily, Lilian turned the car again and parked in the empty parking lot.
Silence filled her car when the motor turned off, before Moto tore open the bag. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
A laugh bubbled in Lilian’s chest for no reason, and she gladly took the paper cup of coffee Moto held toward her. It was cheap coffee, not especially good one, but it helped her gather her thoughts and washed some of the tiredness away.
Minutes filled with sips and fries, her apple pie lying in the middle, Lilian allowed herself to think, now that she had caffeine input. Her father had been dangerously injured, with a bloody and shattered leg, but Lilian had somewhat managed to help him and call an ambulance. Her mother and sister should be fine, and Bradley, though almost having his skull pierced in half, was being watched over by Sybil so he’d stay put and rest.
Lilian debated calling Sybil now or later, and settled for later when Moto threw a napkin at her, triggering another laugh. Stealing a fry in return, Lilian gathered up her empty packages and the espresso cups and threw them back into the bag. The apple pie was still untouched between them, but she picked it up now, considering Moto for a second, how she was holding her coffee, both hands wrapped around the cup, blowing even though it cooled down ages ago, which was adorable-
Lilian flushed and bit into her pie so she wouldn’t accidentally say something stupid. Swallowing, she couldn’t stop herself from asking still, “Want a piece?”
Moto glanced up at her, then at the pie, and grinned, taking it from the offering hand, “Sure! I’ve never had one before, so I don’t even know what it tastes like.”
Lilian smiled and blushed a little when Moto took a bite and handed it back, “Wow, okay, this is really-,”
“Sweet?” she finished, grinning slightly.
Moto nodded and leaned back, “Yes, very much so.”
Lilian started the car up again, still smiling, and they fell into comfortable silence, occasionally chatting, then growing quiet again.
Half way to Riverclan camp it started raining, and Lilian smiled as she listened to the soothing sound of it. The rain would wash away the dirt, the blood, and when it would eventually clear, bring a new era. And as ridiculous as it may sound in Lilian’s head, she knew it was true- Henry was dead, and Bradley would be okay, and the Clans would start up again.
She was sure of that.
“I like the rain.” Moto said suddenly.
Lilian looked away from the road for a short second, then back, smiling softly. “Me too. Especially the sound of it.”
“Yeah…” Said sound filled her car, drops on the roof and the hood, windshield wipers doing their work, and for once Lilian was glad that she didn’t have to think about driving, the roads empty at almost 6.30, the only hindrance that stopped her from letting her muscle memory take over being the rain. It’s nice though, driving mindlessly, Moto in the passenger seat, and knowing that this wasn’t the reality Lilian lived in- where Moto was in the passenger seat, next to her, and the Clans were at peace- dampened her mood just slightly.
They were close to Riverclan’s camp now. Lilian had seen the sight of it so often in the past few hours, her mind filled the blanks of where it was too grey or too rainy to see the building. She got as close as possible to it, so Moto wouldn’t have to walk much, then held onto the brake. There wasn’t much light on inside, only few windows lit, shadows moving around. The usually beautiful paint on the walls were tinged grey and dim, and Lilian thought she saw a part of the stone fallen off, and a “bomb” of ugly black paint covered half the door. It were the signs of a past war, and the woman was glad she had enough self-control to not let her mind fall into the depths that were her memories- the hood of her jacket also covered in black sprinkles, and a bright purple bruise the form of fingers on her arm where someone had grabbed her too roughly. She knew Sybil had hit the person across the head for harming her sister, and the thought made Lilian smile and starting to be okay again.
“So,” She started, cursing herself for blushing for no reason, “I guess I’ll- see you around.”
Moto smiled and nodded, gathering up her jacket, phone, and the backpack full of her medical supplies and other things. With one hand on the door, she paused.
“Alei.”
“Muira.”
Moto’s second name slipped past Lilian before she could stop herself.
Biting her tongue, she watched her friend, who smiled in her hesitation. “Thanks. For everything. This night. The car. Your help, you know.” Moto added when Lilian looked at her in confusion at why the Riverclan healer was thanking her.
Then she smiled back, just as quietly, just as privately, “Of course. I’m a healer; I have to help.”
Moto’s gaze was well concealed, selfish hurt, and Lilian opened her mouth to correct herself, before shutting it again, not sure what to say. “Yeah… I guess you are.” Moto mumbled.
Then she looked up at Lilian, who gulped at the look in her eyes, and her breath caught when Moto leaned forward the small space between them, catching Lilian’s lips with her own.
It was a short kiss, a ‘thank you, this doesn’t have to mean anything’, and it tasted like cheap coffee and false apple sugar, but to Lilian, it was everything. Her mind sped at thousands of miles an hour, and short-circuited at the same time, because Moto was warm, and sweet, and she was kissing Lilian-
It ended too soon, and Moto was already halfway outside with a way too cheerful and too functioning (how was her brain not fried?)
“Take care! I mean it, Alei.”
“Y- you too.” Lilian whispered automatically, bringing a hand up to her lips. She numbly registered Moto waving, and Leonie leaning in the doorframe, arms crossed.
Lilian wasn’t sure she was in any state to drive, but then gathered up her thoughts and rolled down the (now empty) passenger’s window, shouting, “Get some rest, Muira!”
The healers locked gazes for a second, and Lilian felt warm all over, then started driving away.
Syb was waiting for her, and Thunderclan needed their healer back, but for the ride, Lilian let her thoughts linger on Moto, and Moto’s lips on hers.
Peace may finally come to the Clans, and Lilian was positive she’d sort out what was happening between her and her friend. The promise that she had felt in the kiss was still there, and it was a promise Lilian sure intended on keeping.