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Stiles was shaking his head to rid himself of the nerves that had been vibrating through him all day long. His dad had gone back to check that everything was ready for him in the venue. Scott had run back to find his other sock because he wasn’t about to get married with non-matching socks or even worse, no socks at all. Stiles had smelly feet on a good day, and now that he’d been sweating buckets for at least six hours, he was trying not to think of how bad it would smell by the end of the day. He had a feeling he wouldn’t care though. He just had to get through the day and marry the love of his life and everything else would fade in comparison.
There was a knock on his door, he was fumbling around the bow tie, trying to fix it.
“ Come in, Scott, and you better have the right sock or – “ The door was opened, but Scott wasn’t there at all. Stiles’ eyes settled on Derek’s figure reflected in the mirror, in an all-black suit and a beard longer than it had ever been. Stiles’ fingers stilled around the tie, his breathing tripping around the wave of emotions crashing onto him. He couldn’t believe Derek was there after all this time. On Stiles’ wedding day.
“ Derek,” Stiles breathed out his name, breaking away from the daze he found himself in, as he turned away from the mirror to face Derek. Derek gave him a smile that he’d never seen on him before; something soft and familiar about it. Like a distant memory coming to life.
“ Congratulations, Stiles. I – Cora thought I should come by, see you before the wedding but – I wasn’t sure it was the right call. To be honest, I’m still not sure. I procrastinated until it was your actual wedding day.” Derek huffed out something like a laugh, still standing right outside the door.
“ Uh, come in, come in.” Stiles haphazardly moved his arms around, looking like he was letting Derek in or pushing him further away. One or the other. Derek lifted a questioning eyebrow like he was asking Stiles if he was sure, before he stepped into the room, closed the door behind him.
“ Do you.. need help with that?” Stiles furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, still not quite sure if this whole thing was a lucid dream. If he was maybe still suffering through the aftermath of his bachelor party.
“ Your tie.” Derek clarified, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. He never should have listened to Cora.
“ Oh, yeah, that. I got it. I think. I’m not sure.” Stiles turned back to the mirror, losing what was left of his grip on the tie. Derek smiled to himself like he was remembering something, shuffling closer to Stiles, moving his head like he was asking Stiles for permission. Stiles didn’t know what exactly Derek was asking for but he took a single step away from the mirror and towards Derek. Derek stood between the mirror and Stiles, fingers knowingly fixing the bow tie.
“ You always struggled with anything formal-wear.”
“ Yeah, dude, I would rather be wearing literally anything else. If this wasn’t my wedding day, I wouldn't be caught dead in this.” Derek looked like he was adamantly trying not to look up at Stiles, not to look anywhere near him. Stiles harshly swallowed, wishing he hadn’t spoken at all because now, he could see all the love lost between them. All the years that had gone by and all the ways they’d both changed. Too much to recognize one another but not enough to be able to co-exist like they hadn’t thought the world of each other once upon a time.
“ I bumped into him in the hallway. He seems like a great guy. Happy. In love.” Derek’s fingers uncoiled, dropping by his side, as he stared at the bow tie like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
“ Yeah, I got really lucky with him.”
“ Are you? Happy, I mean?” Derek’s eyes lifted, looking between Stiles’, trying to read them the way they used to be able to.
“ Yeah. Really happy, actually. I know you probably hate that I’m saying that, especially with – “
“ No, Stiles, I want you to be happy. I would never wish anything bad upon you. I’m not that kind of person and we’ve been through way too much for me to find any sort of pleasure in you being miserable.”
“ Yeah, I – I know.”
“ Then why would you say that?” There was something bitter and frustrated in Derek’s tone, as he stepped away from Stiles completely, hands now resting against his waist. He kind of hated how he felt like he had to defend himself again.
“ I don’t know, I just – why are you here, Derek?”
“ I told you – “
“ Yeah. Cora. Since when do you just listen to what Cora says?”
“ Since when do you know what I do or don't do with my sister?”
“ I’ve known you for years, Derek, give me a break, man.”
“ No, no. You knew me for years. You don’t know me now. You haven’t known me for almost seven years. You have no fucking clue who I am now, Stiles.”
“ Okay! You’re right, I don’t. Did you come all this way to have this argument with me? On my wedding day?”
“ Fuck, no. I don’t – “ Derek had to pause, breathe through the overwhelming feelings of rage and regret that weren’t his anymore. He ran a hand through his hair, tugged until he fell back into who he was now and not the heartbroken young adult feeling like he was losing everything all over again. “ I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea. I’m – I think I’m just going to go.” When Stiles didn’t say anything, Derek nodded to himself, knowing that this was the right thing to do. That he should have dropped it a long time ago. He walked away from Stiles without looking back, went to open the door, when he felt a tug deep within him. Like maybe he wasn’t all the way done.
“ Do you at least treat him better than you did me? Do you make him feel like he’s someone? Like he’s your person?”
“ Derek, I – “ Something gave in Stiles’ being, a shaky breath falling past his lips, his face falling onto itself like he was in pain. “ I didn’t know what the hell I was doing back then. Everything was new and – it always felt like I was playing a losing game of catch-up. Like there was no way this would have ended any differently, so I stopped trying to salvage what I knew I was meant to lose anyway. I started working towards that ending because I was so scared it was going to catch me off guard and – destroy me. It wasn’t fair. I know that now, but I didn’t know it then.” Derek let Stiles pull him back into the room, guide him down into one of the chairs. Once Stiles was sat down in front of him, he took a beat to himself before carrying on.
“ I was a shitty boyfriend to you. I was.. mean and bitter and impossible to please. I didn’t know what I was looking for so everything felt like it wasn’t enough. Like it wasn’t exactly what I needed so I didn’t want it. I made you feel like I didn’t want you. Fuck, Derek, I’ve been keeping my distance all those years because I hated who I was to you. I hated what I’d done to you and I didn’t want to remind you of that. Or, maybe I didn’t want to be reminded of it, I don’t know. I used to be a good person, anyone else would have said that about me back then, but I know I was awful to you. Not on purpose, but it still happened and I know it screwed with your head for a long time. Who knows, maybe it still does.”
“ We’re not those people anymore, Stiles. If we were, I probably wouldn’t have showed up here today.”
“ Why did you show up here? I’m not asking to be rude and it’s totally fine if you don’t want to tell me.” Derek huffed out a chuckle at that, feeling so many bad things draining out of him the more he talked to Stiles.
“ Cora mentioned something about closure, I don’t know. I guess, I was curious. I wanted to know if you were still the Stiles I knew but you’d found the one for you anyway. Maybe I just wanted to see who was finally worthy of you, if – like, I don’t know, maybe it was me? That caused us to crash and burn back then?”
“ It wasn’t. You have always been a good man who knows what he wants and who he is. It just took me longer to get to that point and by the time I did, it was too late for us.”
“ Yeah, I dodged a bullet there for sure.” Derek gave himself a moment to torture Stiles a little, before he cracked a smile, pulling a relieved laugh from Stiles.
“ You did, no argument there. But hey, we’re here now, that counts for something, right?”
“ Not to me, but to that poor guy who’s about to be attached to you for life, whether he likes it or not.”
“ I’m not that bad, shut up.” Right as Stiles’ laugh started echoing louder and more freely, the door to his room was pushed open and in came a flustered Scott with three different pairs of socks, none of which fit the single sock that Stiles had on.
“ Stiles.. Derek.. Hi.” Scott spoke around the sock he had in his mouth, waving a hand that held a different pair. Derek got to his feet, waved back at Scott and tried not to laugh at his horrified expression.
“ I’m going to go but – you’re not, Stiles.”
“ I’m not what?”
“ You’re not that bad. Even at your worst you weren’t that bad. We just weren’t good for each other.” And it was like all the years of guilt and self-loathing and doubt that Stiles carried on his shoulders were lifted. Like he’d gone all this time waiting to hear this. To hear it from Derek, because he was the one who’d truly seen the worst of Stiles. Stiles threw his arms around Derek and pulled him into a hug that they’d both been aching for, since they had been wrenched out of one another’s lives.
“ I’m so sorry, Derek, for all of it. You didn’t deserve that. You are such a good man and you deserve to be loved in ways that – that I don’t understand yet. I’m sorry if for a second, I made you doubt that.” Derek nodded against Stiles’ shoulder, tried to fully take in the feeling of him in his arms, the imprint that he left against his chest, and manifest all the love that came with it, but it wasn’t there anymore. There was still love, because he would always love this man, but that love was nothing like what it used to be. He no longer saw life through him. He no longer lived and loved for him. He didn’t despair for his approval. And in that moment, Derek realized that he was never the one for Stiles. He was someone, just like Stiles was to him. But life never stopped when Stiles was no longer part of Derek’s. Derek stopped grieving and hurting and raging though. He stopped starting and ending with his love for Stiles. And Derek didn’t know exactly what that said about them, but he knew it to be true.
“ It’s good to see you, Stiles. And – I really am so glad you’re doing okay. Congrats, again.”
“ Thank you, Derek. I’ll see you soon, hopefully.”
“ Yeah. See you.”
They both knew that it probably wouldn’t happen. This was truly the last time they would ever see each other. Their roads were unlikely to cross again unless one of them worked for them to. But the finality coating this moment, left the taste of goodbye in their mouths. This was it. For good this time. It was just nice to share that hope, even if unrealistic and absurd. It didn't have to be true to give them something to look forward to.
Stiles chose a pair of socks that didn’t match his suit but at least they matched each other. He was late because he couldn’t stop crying after Derek had left, not because he was doubting his decision to get married, but because everything hit him all at once and he felt so bad for the kids they were that tore through each other’s hearts. He wished he could have told the younger version of himself that he had to release, to not try so hard to have a grip over everything and everyone because he was so scared of being left behind, of losing again. He wished he could have told Derek that it wasn’t his fault, that he had to love himself and learn about the type of love that he needed to accept and all the things he shouldn’t have had to deal with. Scott hugged him through it, then once he was collected enough, he went to get the sheriff to walk with Stiles down the aisle and he took his place as the best man.
The ceremony was beautiful. Everyone was crying by the end of it. They laughed and danced and fell in love with the life they had together. The family they had around them. The people they grew into. Derek wasn’t seen at all through the night, but Stiles made sure to text Cora his gratitude before falling asleep. He got a brief response the next day; a smiling emoji and a glad it worked out. And that was just that. The end they always feared they’d have to face. Only, it wasn’t all that scary anymore.