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Seungmin drives, Changbin reaches out to interlock their hands from the passenger seat while Seungmin’s Day6 playlist plays and Changbin complains about how he wants to listen to something new but still makes no effort to change the song. Many things change, but these moments never do.
<<
The first time Changbin sees Seungmin’s car is the saturday before his senior year of high school starts and he tries hard to look impressed but realistically—
“How old is this car?”
Seungmin looks at him like Changbin just committed a crime. “Alright, then keep walking to school.”
He gets into the car and turns it on before Changbin can even react. When he does react, Seungmin is already about two meters away, driving so slowly the car is barely moving and Changbin has no trouble reaching him and getting inside the car. He throws his biggest smile towards Seungmin, who immediately looks away—Changbin doesn’t miss the way his lips turn upwards, he counts that as a win.
“So,” Changbin starts.
“No.”
“What do you mean no?” He protests. “I haven’t even asked yet, dude.”
Seungmin turns to look at him, grabs the aux cord and connects it to his phone that immediately starts playing his Day6 playlist. He turns to the road and starts driving faster.
Changbin groans. “How did you even know I—”
“I know you.”
That makes Changbin smile. It’s fine, he knows he will get Seungmin to give him the aux cord sooner or later.
>>
Their first stop is a convenience store where Changbin runs directly to find a toothbrush while Seungmin gets snacks. He thinks a pink toothbrush will do—Seungmin always uses a blue one, so there should be no problem—and he hopes that’s all he forgot to pack or else Seungmin won’t stop nagging him about it.
The five aisles of the convenience store are empty, only a guy dozing off at the counter and Seungmin murmuring as he evaluates chips. The sun is barely starting to come out outside and the light is just enough so that Changbin can see the eyebags under Seungmin’s eyes and he’s glad he got his driver’s license a month before because Seungmin already drove all night and Changbin isn’t sure of how long it’ll be until his body gives out and he’s too sleepy to drive.
He looks at the bag of Cheetos in Seungmin’s left hand and the bag of Lay’s in his right hand. He puts back the Cheetos and intertwines his fingers with Seungmin’s now free hand. Seungmin looks up at him and blinks once. Twice. The sun shines through the mountains on the road and illuminates Seungmin’s eyes from the windows. Changbin thinks—not for the first time—that Seungmin is the most beautiful person he knows.
“You should get some tea, I’ll drive for a bit,” he whispers, perhaps because he doesn’t want to wake the employee at the counter, perhaps because he hasn’t seen Seungmin this relaxed in a long time and he is too afraid to break the moment.
Seungmin blinks once more. Changbin rubs the back of his hand with his thumb.
“Tea has caffeine,” he states, but his eyes soften. “And these brands are more sugar than anything.”
Changbin shrugs. “Then get water. Just rest.”
Seungmin stops to stare into Changbin’s eyes, Changbin wonders what is going through his mind. He nods with a small smile. The sun has completely risen.
<<
Changbin spends his last year of high school making sure his grades are decent enough to go to art school and joining Seungmin on pointless drives around town. He thinks it’s all fine until his parents find out about art school.
They aren’t angry, at least that's what they tell Changbin, but the disappointment is clear and it makes him feel like the most horrible person in the world.
(He thinks about his sister the day she left for college. She looked at him like she was sorry and told him that she’d always be there for him. Changbin has spoken to her about three times in four years. Sometimes she shows up on his Instagram feed and he likes to believe she’s happy.)
His dad tells him he can do better, his mom says they can’t afford it; he knows they’re lies.
Seungmin looks at him from across the table with a frown and takes a sip of his iced latte. “What do you mean you’re not going to college?” If it was someone else Changbin would think he’s being judged. It’s just Seungmin, though.
“I did not say that.” Seungmin sighs, Changbin understands he is worried.
“Why are you doing this?”
Because he has no future, he thinks. Because he needs to think more before making a decision that will disappoint his parents again. Because he’s scared of being the person he wants to be.
“You’re being more dramatic about this than me,” he points out instead. Seungmin gives him a look. Alright. “Plus it’s only a year. I need to work to pay for school.”
Seungmin wants to ask about his parents—he knows better than anyone that Changbin’s parents have always been willing to pay for whatever he needs—but he doesn’t. He continues drinking his latte and remains quiet for the rest of the time they spend at the coffee shop. Changbin is thankful for him.
When the sun is going down and their drinks are long gone Seungmin tells him before standing up, “I’m proud of you.”
Changbin wishes he could read Seungmin’s mind.
>>
It’s around three in the afternoon when Changbin’s phone rings and it doesn’t stop. He’s driving, the music volume is too low to actually understand the lyrics and Seungmin has been asleep for about six hours minus the stop they made to get gas and eat something. Seungmin stirs awake, rubs his eyes and puts his glasses back on.
Changbin almost curses at his phone. Seungmin grabs it.
“It’s your mom,” he mutters. Changbin feels himself starting to panic. He stops the car almost abruptly and thanks the skies there wasn’t anyone driving behind him. Seungmin places his hand on top of Changbin. “Just move the car out of the road, Binnie. It’s okay.”
He breathes in. Out.
He moves the car, Seungmin undoes the seatbelts and Changbin closes his eyes for a few seconds. The sun is high in the sky, so bright it’s almost too much. His phone finally stops ringing and he opens his eyes.
Changbin has never been able to figure out what it means when Seungmin is staring at him, it drives him insane, now more than ever he just wants Seungmin to say something, anything, instead of just looking at him. It’s quiet for what feels like hours until Changbin’s breath evens out and he notices that at some point Seungmin grabbed his hand and started drawing lines on his palm. When Changbin looks at the time it has barely been two minutes.
“Do you want to call her back?” Seungmin asks at last. Changbin stops.
Despite it all, he loves his parents and he knows they love him. He owes them an explanation.
He nods. “But not right now. The next stop.”
Seungmin says okay, they switch seats and Seungmin’s playlist grounds him.
Thirty minutes later Changbin paces outside of the car as he waits for his mother to answer the phone. It isn’t too long before he’s bombarded with questions about where he is.
“I left a note,” he explains.
His mom sounds like she’s on the verge of tears. Changbin wishes he was a better son. “It only says you left with Seungmin, we—” She takes a deep breath. “You… you took your things.”
Seungmin is inside the Seven Eleven next to the gas station. Changbin can’t see him but he almost feels Seungmin’s eyes on him.
“Nayeon called me.”
His mom pauses. Changbin can hear her breath hitch and he almost wishes he was back home holding her, telling her it’ll be okay. Seungmin is now at the counter and Changbin can see him clearly. Maybe things happen for a reason.
“What—”
“She found a place for Seungmin and I to stay at and…” He remembers the acceptance email sitting in his inbox. “I’m going to start the semester at school in three days. Art major.”
Seungmin walks out of the Seven Eleven with a hesitant smile and candy in his hands. Changbin knows it is all worth it. Clouds cover the sun and he’s not being blinded.
“But what about money?” She asks and it sounds like she’s already given up.
Seungmin offers Changbin a lollipop. “We’ll figure it out.”
<<
He doesn’t cry at his graduation.
Wooyoung holds his and Yeonjun’s hands, sobbing and complaining about how much he’ll miss them and how they have to call him often after he leaves. He’s going to California with Yeosang like he’s always dreamed. Yeonjun is going to New York to study fashion. Jiwoo tells him she’s only going to college an hour away from home, that she hopes they still hang out. Most of his generation cries, if only a little.
Despite what the bitter taste in his mouth may suggest Changbin is happy for all of them.
Seungmin gets him yellow tulips and greets him along with Changbin’s parents. They congratulate him, tell him he did well, and leave him to hang out with his classmates. Seungmin stays.
“Congrats on getting out of here!” His tone is sarcastic. “Don’t forget about me now that you’re an adult and all of that.”
Changbin looks at the flowers. Tulips are expensive.
“Nah, I don’t know what you cursed me with but I’m pretty sure I’m in this friendship for life,” he laughs.
Seungmin pauses. He looks at Changbin and then his gaze turns to the flowers and he frowns. Changbin wants to ask what’s wrong.
“I’ll get you ice cream?”
Changbin barks out a laugh. “Since when are you so nice to me?”
Seungmin rolls his eyes. He grabs the flowers from Changbin’s grasp. “Forget it, I’m never doing anything for you again.”
Changbin raises his hands in surrender and pouts when Seungmin refuses to give the tulips back.
He ends up paying for the ice cream.
>>
They ask for one bed on purpose. The motel is pretty cheap, but Changbin thinks it's a bad idea to spend more money than necessary in two beds anyway—Seungmin agrees. That is until Changbin remembers what happened the previous night, right before he decided to take his sister’s offer to help him find an apartment and run away with Seungmin.
Seungmin gets out of the shower when Changbin is contemplating whether it’s a bad idea or not to ask for a different room. He falls onto the bed and Changbin realizes he’s making it weird for no reason. This is Seungmin.
He looks out the window, the sun is nowhere to be seen. Changbin lays next to Seungmin and lets out a sigh. He’s exhausted.
“Did you know you talk with your hands?” Seungmin’s eyes are closed. Changbin is about to ask him to repeat himself when he continues. “It’s cute. I remember the first time you showed me one of your paintings.” Changbin remembers, too. He had been terrified. “You were explaining every detail and you looked so excited and your hands… you couldn’t stop moving your hands while you talked. That’s when I realized.”
Changbin freezes. Seungmin opens his eyes.
“I’m glad I’m here with you,” he replies in hopes that that’s enough. Judging by the way Seungmin caresses his cheek and doesn’t hide his smile, it is.
<<
They’re at the coffee shop when Seungmin’s mother calls him. Changbin listens for hours. When they hang up, she sends pictures of her dog—she tells Seungmin she’s having puppies.
Seungmin’s mom is too far away for them to meet the puppies.
“When I get out of here I’m taking you to meet the puppies,” he says with so much determination Changbin has no choice but to believe him.
>>
They reach Seungmin’s mom’s home in the early afternoon. Her smile is so beautiful Changbin wonders how he forgot. They hadn’t seen her in too long.
It’s the way she holds Seungmin when they hug. Seungmin is much taller than her and yet he looks so small in their embrace. He looks like he’s about to burst of happiness. Changbin is happy as well.
The house is small, walls painted colorful and plants all around, furniture cramped but comfortable. It feels like a home. Soft and safe. Changbin wants a home like this.
They have lunch and meet the puppies. Seungmin’s mom offers them one.
“We—” He can’t even try to say no because Seungmin’s eyes are bright and hopeful when he looks at Changbin. He gives up like that.
As soon as Seungmin hears Changbin’s sigh he cheers, telling his mom how he would love to adopt a puppy. The sky is clear and the day is warm.
They don’t stay long after that, they still have three hours of driving left. Changbin texts Nayeon asking her if they’re allowed pets. To Seungmin’s delight she says yes.
<<
Changbin asks for the day off at the bakery to attend Seungmin’s graduation. He paints tulips for him. It’s the first time he’s seen Seungmin cry since they were kids.
Seungmin is going to the same university as Jiwoo, just an hour away, to become a lawyer.
Changbin hasn’t talked to Jiwoo in a year.
He stays the night at Seungmin’s. They eat the carrot cake Seungmin’s dad and stepmother bought as a celebration gift and talk until their throats are sore. Changbin realizes he loves Seungmin more than anything.
Seungmin is holding his hand even when Changbin wakes up and he thinks he wouldn’t mind spending forever like this.
Seungmin moves to his college dorm two weeks before classes start. Changbin stares at his inbox and wonders.
He receives a call from his sister for the first time in way too long. She wants to know how he’s been, she asks about college, he finds no reason to lie to her. She asks about Seungmin. Changbin tells her he misses him even though he just left. Nayeon hums.
Changbin wonders how she may have changed in the time he hasn’t seen her.
He isn’t sure of why but he stops her before she can hang up.
“I was accepted into some schools.” One of them is fifteen minutes away from where she lives—she says as much.
The silence is heavy, he almost thinks Nayeon might have hung up. The call is still going.
“You could move here, you know.” She doesn’t ask, she understands. “You don’t have to waste your entire life pleasing them.”
He hangs up.
Two nights before Seungmin starts school he calls Changbin at two A.M. Changbin almost doesn’t answer, but he’s always been bad at telling Seungmin no. He waits a second, then he answers.
“I’m outside of your house.” Seungmin hangs up.
Changbin’s first thought is that this is a joke, but he realizes when he looks out his window that, sure enough, Seungmin’s car is parked outside of his house and Seungmin is leaning against it, tapping his foot against the concrete.
Changbin runs down the stairs and miraculously doesn’t slip because of his socks.
When he opens the door Seungmin looks up with a pained smile, like he regrets whatever choices he’s made to get here. This is the most vulnerable he’s ever been in front of anyone else, Changbin knows.
He reaches out for Changbins hand. They remain silent.
The light posts dimly illuminate Seungmin’s face. He’s beautiful. Changbin decides it’s time he tells him. Seungmin beats him to it.
“I’m in love with you,” his voice is firm but he’s shaking. Changbin opens his mouth to reply but Seungmin is stubborn when he wants to make a point. “I’m in love with you and I don’t want to be a lawyer and I’m going to leave this town.”
Changbin remains quiet. Seungmin pulls his hand away. There are some stars in the sky, Changbin grew up with them. He grew up with Seungmin.
“Well,” Seungmin hesitates. He takes a step back. “That’s all. I’m leaving— I’m running away, so…”
Changbin thinks of his sister, of his parents, of his inbox. He thinks Seungmin and everything he feels around him. He decides.
“I’m in love with you, too.” Seungmin looks up. “Let me get some stuff, I’ll go with you.”
The stars in the sky are the same no matter where you are. Seungmin and Changbin are the same, too.
>>
They reach the apartment building around six P.M. Nayeon is waiting for them when they park the car and the moment he gets out of it, Changbin is crushed in the warmest hug he’s ever received. He had missed his sister more than he realized.
Seungmin introduces himself, which makes Nayeon laugh because she’s known Seungmin since he’s in kindergarten.
“I’m Changbin’s boyfriend,” he says confidently.
Changbin stops from the back of the car where he’s getting their bags out. “What?”
Seungmin looks at him like he’s unbelievable. Nayeon seems amused.
“Dude, I told you I’m in love with you.” He carries Changbin’s painting supplies. Changbin begins to argue. “You said it back! You— you came all the way here. With me.”
“Yeah but…” He trails off.
But what.
“I’m sure you guys will have plenty of time to discuss it, but right now we should go inside.”
The apartment is small. Kind of empty, too. There’s a mattress, a couch and a fridge, which isn’t the worst case scenario, Seungmin at least made sure to bring blankets and pillows from his college dorm. They definitely need to get food soon, though—and jobs to pay rent. They’ll figure it out.
Nayeon leaves them to rest after she promises Changbin to come over to catch up the next morning.
They’re alone.
Seungmin fills the bowl his mom gave them with some food and the puppy sits at his feet. He looks happy. Changbin knows it’ll all be okay.
“It’s just that you didn’t ask,” he says quietly.
Seungmin looks up. “Ask what?”
It makes Changbin feel stupid.
“If I wanted to be your boyfriend.”
“You’re kidding,” he deadpans.
Changbin shrugs. Seungmin walks towards him with a small smile on his lips. He places his left hand on Changbin’s neck and with his free hand guides Changbin’s hand to hold him by the waist. Seungmin pulls him close. Changbin’s heart jumps.
“Alright then,” Seungmin giggles. Changbin melts. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Changbin pretends to think. “Only if you pay for the dog’s food.”
Seungmin laughs. They have a lot to figure out but, as the sunset washes the room pink from the window, Changbin decides they will be okay. The entire world could change but they—these moments—stay the same.