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You pulled me, saying you wanted to see the stars
At once, I placed the moonlight in my eyes
Perhaps it's only a silly wish at this point. If one reaches the conclusion of all, the finale of the show, the end of the journey—what comes next?
A happy ending full of dreams turning into reality and comfort in the newfound safety of making it until that desired end? A satisfying, steady return to normality, akin to a newfound calm after the storm passed?
Tartaglia—no, Ajax —doesn't know what should be coming next, what the right course of action is. He doesn't care if his desire might be overwriting whatever this story's true ending is, he believes in his beating heart and that what he wants .
So, the moment the Abyss is a shattered reality, now visible and not apart of the world anymore, and the deities' godhood lies at the feet of mortality, he lets himself breathe.
Her steps echo around the hallway, heels digging into glass shards and dress wafting behind her, it's usually white cloth painted in an alluring color of crimson. Her sword dissolves in the air as she comes to halt in front of him. Scratches on her face, cuts all over her arms, a terrible laceration on her stomach but her eyes are calm and her posture is steady, more so than it ever was before—she looks every bit the warrior she is. Like that, he can feel the thrill in his vines, and yet, it's not as urgent anymore, not as overtaking. He used to feel like he was drowning in that battle lust. Now, though, it's muted, not as distributive anymore.
So, he sees it clearly in her. Reaching out, he opens his arms and catches the body barling right into him. As reticence passes between them, he makes his most selfish decision.
To the traveler with the now once more broken wings, he asks a cruel question.
“Will you stay with me?”
It feels like he’s stabbing her, tearing right through her skin and flesh—yet he feels relieved when she weakly nods her head. Ajax chuckles tiredly, looking up at the sky with his barren eyes.
He’s told her from the beginning, that he’s kind of a bad guy.
Every time I look up in the sky
There’s not a single star
Traveling with Lumine, truly, without the shackles of the Fatui binding him to unkind responsibilities, has quickly become one of his favorite things to do. The traveler has always been and always will be an interesting and exciting company to him, but seeing her truly as a traveler and not as someone searching for her lost kin, is a surprisingly big difference. Lumine has already changed quite with her original powers being given back to her but with the lack of concern over a missing brother? She’s outright vibrant to the point it takes Tartaglia’s breath away.
Her usual apathy has dulled down and she’s been more active, more interested in her surroundings, in Teyvat. It’s not like she hasn’t been curious before but now her curiosity is just more intense, stronger than before. He appreciates that, he truly does. After all, there’s nothing more intriguing than to see her chase that curiosity—the fights, the discoveries, the experiences, he loves them all.
But she can’t deceive him. He sees right through her need for exploring. Whilst he’s that she partially really wants to take in Teyvat and what it has to offer without terrifying concerns in the back of her mind and issues thrown onto her shoulders, threatening to drown her, he can tell she’s desperate to forget.
The lack of her wings, for now, they are truly gone.
The gaping pain that clenches around his heart whenever he remembers that he’s part of the cause, is almost unbearable. Yet, she’s decided to stay down on this faraway planet for him, and whilst he can’t erase her longing for the sky nor her occasional wishes to depart to other worlds, Ajax is going to do his best to make her happy. She can’t be happy all the time but he doesn’t want her to be sad all the time either.
Yet, no matter how many good memories he makes with her, no matter how much laughter she gifts him with, he will undoubtedly, never get over that quiet, conflicted and yet desolate gaze she wears whenever she stares at the night sky—it reminds him of his own gaze after the Abyss feasted on his soul.
She’s searching for a star.
That sky, filled with constellations made out of lies and broken desires, does not hold the star she wants to see. Most likely never will. Yet, she insists on staying up on some nights in want to see the stars. And every single time, without hesitation, even if it hurts him, he’ll tell her the same thing.
“There’s not a single star, Lumine.”
Among those fake constellations, there will never be one. That’s the price of power made out of greed, that’s the price of playing the hero.
Sometimes, he wonders if she’d be happier with her wings. He knows the answer already though.
And yet—she let them be taken from her in exchange for those counterfeit constellations.
Sometimes, Ajax hates how kind she is. How much she falls into the role of a hero when people need her. Even though both of them know it’s not a role suited for her. Never has and never will be
I won’t leave you alone
Don’t let that moon get lonely
It’s on such a night where no star shines bright enough to be seen by those grounded to earth and mud, that he finds her sitting outside, glancing up at the pitch dark of the sky. Of course. The star she’s searching for won’t be found that easily, if even. He’s not sure what it’ll take for her to find it—and he’s not sure if he’ll be able to handle it.
“Lumine,” he calls out her name as he sits down beside her, scooting closer to wrap an arm around her. She isn’t cold but has no visible signs of the weather affecting her, but to him, she seems cold anyway. That’s why he’ll warm her up. He always will. “Found your star yet?”
He always asks her that and her response is always the same.
“Not yet.”
Both of them know that the answer might never stop being the same, that maybe that’s just how life works. Maybe that’s just the weight of one’s decisions.
“But… the night’s pretty,” she continues, smiling slightly. He raises an eyebrow at her, silently asking her a question. That’s when she turns to gaze at him, golden eyes more luminous than any star might hope to be.
“The darkness and the presence of the moon remind me of you.”
His breath stops and his eyes widen a bit.
“You’ve always been as calming as the moon’s light, Ajax.”
Sometimes, he ends up falling again. Not into the Abyss, not out of uncertainty and mishaps. Sometimes, he just falls and falls for that soul sitting beside him at the moment.
And that’s the only time he wishes to never stop falling.
Her smile is bitter though; no matter how much she likes him, he isn't the one she's trying to see. So, pushing those ugly feelings down, he chuckles. He's been selfish enough, hasn't he?
"Tell me, what kind of person was Aether before the Abyss?"
Her breath halts—everyone avoids the name like the plague when around her. He can’t be one of these people, not anymore. Instead of the expected sadness or anger, all she does is smile. Tired. But excited.
“Aether… Aether genuinely wants to do good—I don’t think I’ve met anyone with more goodwill than him.”
Ajax wants to protest, wants to remind her that she’s the one who sacrificed her beloved wings to allow this world to continue floating amongst the constellations.
But she looks so alive, so animated, in a way she never looks for anyone else. Not even for him. His heart aches—but he’s got one thing Aether hasn’t got any more, not since the fated day he made his selfish request.
Lumine right by his side.
This is something that Aether might never have again. Something that Ajax took for himself without considering anyone else.
Something that Lumine let him have.
He doesn’t feel bad about the childish satisfaction building in his heart.
As he doesn’t feel glad about the painful ache in his heart.
She’s right beside him but that doesn’t mean he won her attention nor her affections.
“Really? Must have taken a lot to fall into the Abyss.”
She stills. But she doesn’t say anything.
He hates it.
Call me out on it, scold me, come on.
Notice me, Lumine.
I’m right by your side, after all.
Why were you so sad all day? You’re the most special on this star
She’s told him tales of worlds with heartless diseases. Diseases that are so unimaginable and yet so painful.
Diseases where people cry blood until nothing is left off it in their body.
Diseases where people grow wounds, each deadlier than before.
Diseases where people cough out flower petals as the price for unrequited love—sometimes he wonders, if that’s one illness he would have if he were in that world. If he’d be stuck loving her so badly that a whole flower would grow inside him, piercing through his lungs until he bleeds out from the inside, unable to breathe.
When he stares at her, stares at the pain etched in her face, he feels like he might have it anyway, despite Teyvat being the wrong world. Feels like he could really start coughing out flowers, trying to desperately hide them from her.
But why should he?
Why should he hide them from her? What if he wants her to see his pain, guilt her into reciprocating his lamentable feelings, until she’s really his , his, his and he hers —
But in those moments, where he holds her shaking body, notices how she tries to bite back the sobs, he hates himself just a bit, hates her just a bit, hates Aether just a bit.
But mostly, he detests Teyvat. He’s in love with someone who’s drowning because of this horrendous world. So, he holds himself back. He holds himself back so much it hurts.
“Girlie!”
She twirls around, her eyes piercing right into him. Watching her stand there under the sunlight, he’s reminded of the fact that she’s there. Sometimes, he wakes up thinking she chose Aether.
(Maybe she should have. Maybe that would have been better for them all.)
“Want to—” he halts in the midst of his words and ponders for a moment, “want to eat something together?”
Today he won’t ask for a spar. Today he’ll ask for something else.
Lumine raises an eyebrow at him, “no fighting? Are you alright?”
“Of course, I am! Today’s just a rest day,” he tells her, chuckling, “even the greatest warriors need to rest, you know?”
“... Sure, it’s been a while.”
The last time he properly invited her out, was before she lost her wings. When Paimon was still there. When Aether was still missing. When he still was yearning—
Ah, it’s not like he stopped yearning now, or?
“Do you think we can go watch the stars after we finish the food?”
He yearns and yearns.
That’s the only thing Ajax knows how to do. Yearn from something.
Yearn for freedom from his boredom, yearn for safety, yearn for his family, yearn for climbing back up to the surface, yearn for staying there to defeat everything, yearn for returning to the darkest places of Teyavt, yearn for the blonde-haired traveler, yearn for—
Yearn, yearn, yearn, yearn.
His heart is already filled with too many aches. With too many things he desires.
Ajax wants and wants and that’s why he’s meant to fall.
“Yeah, no worries there, girlie. You know, I’ll always watch the stars with you.”
Will always bleed and ache for you, is what he doesn’t say. He wants to, wants to stab that metaphorical knife into her and twist it until she feels his pain, and yet, at the same time, he doesn’t want to ever see her in pain.
Things shift. They always do.
One day, out of nowhere, the pain dulls in an unpredictable way. It’s still there, it’s still present in the way she moves and watches the world.
“I’ll be alright,” Lumine mutters, smiling slightly. They are lying on the beach, sand uncomfortably everywhere, huddling close to each other but not too close. The sky might be pitch dark but his eyes have adjusted to it, therefore he can make out that her gaze isn’t directed at him but past him, on whatever she sees beyond him. Does she ever gaze at him? He can’t remember. Her hand is clutching his, their fingers entwined. He can hear her breathing clearly in the reticence of that seemingly everlasting night.
Like that , Ajax thinks, she seems harmless .
Fragile, breakable, like glass. Will he break her? Will she shatter? If he touches her, if he whispers her name, if he acknowledges that she’s lying beside him—this fleeting reality seems and feels like a dream, one he perhaps will not be allowed to keep. He prays that isn’t the case. For once, the ever so strong ex-harbinger prays and hopes—these shallow depths that should have taken it all, could never fully vanquish the desire for light.
“You’ll be alright,” she continues her words, and even though her gaze isn’t set on him, Ajax feels like she’s seeing right through him, right into his mind, crawling all over it and prying open these thoughts and wishes he’s hidden. Yet she cannot even tell that she’s the reason he isn’t alright. Why can’t she tell?
“You can’t know that,” he mumbles in reply as he tightens his hold on her hand, “we shouldn’t dismiss reality.” You are here, you chose me, you are here, you chose me—
“Toy seller,” Lumine mutters and finally, finally her eyes are on him, their molten gold stabbing into his heart. “The tides will drown us alive until we sink to the depths of the unknown, of the scary. We will pray to survive, we will pray for a more gentle death.”
Then she chuckles.
“However, we will be alright.”
“... Why?”
Oh no, he’s letting himself hope again. Oh no, he’s falling again. Falling into her.
“Because humanity found ways to conquer the tides because the unknown will become the known and we will eventually stop fearing that what isn’t fearful.”
“ Because,” Lumine mumbles as she draws him into an embrace, her small arms wrapping securely around him, “our useless prayers will reach the currents of the wind and travel to shells on the beach, picked up by others with the might to help.”
“The art of drowning, Ajax,” the traveler mutters, “is to drown in peace.”
He hates her.
Ajax loves her.
You’re floating around like a sky that lost its star
The path we took is like a constellation
Let’s follow that path
The morning after he wakes up alone and he knows what’s going to happen. Dragging himself out of bed, each movement tiring and heavy, he dresses in his usual monotony—day by day, night by night, it’s always the same shade of gray. He should be rushing. He should be chasing her, hoping to grab onto her, to stop her from taking that leap.
But he’s not going to do it.
It’s not like she can fly away anymore.
She’s stuck on the ground, to the earth, with him. Because he shackled her down.
Remember me
One day, out of nowhere, he wakes up to the memory of their first meeting, of the Golden House.
— She’s anything but weak. It’s how he considers her first, hearing rumors and words from La Signora’s squad. But then she stands on her legs with victory in her hands whilst he’s on the ground and like that, just a little bit, he thinks he’s looking at someone quite akin to a deity—there’s a shudder on his back and coldness in his vines, perhaps that honorary knight doesn’t have the same ideals of honor.
Perhaps, just a bit, there caged under her gaze, he falls —
It’s when he finally breathes in and out.
When he finds her later, lingering near the docks of Liyue, staring up at the sky once again, he knows.
It’s daytime.
There’s no star visible.
“Lumine,” he mutters, staring at the way she turns to face him, staring at the question in her eyes, “will you come to Snezhnaya with me?”
She freezes.
He will run away, that’s what he always does.
Ajax just hopes that this one time, she will run with him.
Then she smiles at him.
He reaches out his hand.
I tried to look for something like you
I tried to pull you
As they wander he starts to work on something. He’s used to sewing stuff, his mother had taught him so he could fix up Tonia’s clothes and dolls. He’d spend hours making little clothes for her dolls so she’d smile and be happy.
That’s why he falls back easily into it, spending a good part of the boat ride sewing and sewing. Lumine stares at him in wonderment.
“What, girlie?” He speaks up one evening, grinning slightly, “didn’t expect this?”
She shakes her head softly.
“No,“ she admits but then quietly she adds, “it fits you though.”
His eyes widen.
Huh?
He looks up and stares at her.
She’s smiling at him.
At him?
He returns to his work, entangling thread by thread. When did things start to shift?
Every time I look up in the sky
It’s when they are finally among his family, basking in the warmth and comfort of a house full of people, that he hands her the plush.
She’s sitting outside at the pouch, looking up at the sky. But she’s humming a melody—gentler, warmer.
He sits down beside her.
“Hm?”
As she stops humming, she turns to face him.
And stares right at the face of a plushie.
Her eyes widen, she’s completely stunned.
“Hey,” Ajax whispers, “there’s not a single star in the sky today as well.”
Then he gently places the plush on her lap.
“But he’s right here near you despite that,” he mutters, staring at what he created. “In his own way.”
She doesn’t reply, too engrossed with the plush of Aether on her lap.
He’s tried his best to get all the details right. He hopes he did.
He hopes she’ll stop drowning—and if not, that she’ll at least let him drown with her.
There’s not a single star
It’s after she gets used to sleeping in the same bed as him, being woken up by his siblings every morning. It’s after she gets used to snow angels and snowball fights, to the taste of blini with self-made jam or honey. It’s after she gets used to how easily he holds onto her hand, hugs her from behind, or picks her up to twirl her around.
It’s after he realizes that when she stares at the sky, clutching the plus he made her, that she’s smiling.
“He’s somewhere out there, isn’t he?” Ajax points out one day, sitting beside her. “Traveling amongst all these worlds.”
She blinks, staring at him. “Do you mean Aether?”
“Yeah? Who else,” he replies. “Hope he’s doing well.”
She smiles. “Hope so too. He might visit soon—it’s been a while.”
Ajax halts, thoughts going into overdrive. “Visit… soon?”
“Yeah.”
“He can do that?”
Lumine stares at him now, blinking. “Of course? Unlike me, he decided to keep his powers, after all.”
Huh?
“Aren’t… aren’t you searching for him in the sky—that one star you always want to see?”
Silence passes through, a strange feeling building up in him.
“Once in a while,” she tells him, shrugging, “but most times, I’m not.”
She stares at the night sky every day.
“Then what… what are you searching for when you look at the sky?”
Wind breezes past them, her hair wafting gently in the air. Surrounded by land covered in white that gleams lustrously under the moonlight, she smiles at him, her eyes twinkling with such warmth that he feels himself melting under her stare.
He’s falling and falling and falling—
And then, naturally, he lands eventually.
It’s alright, you’re my universe, shine bright for me
“I’m searching for Monoceros Caeli. Ah, but I found it once again today."