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"Chuuya, Dazai is almost certainly dead at this point. You understand what this means?"
"I don't care" Chuuya really didn't care. "That dimwit Dazai is still inside there. I need to give him a smack, or I'll never get over it. I am hanging up." Chuuya ended the call, tossing his gloves out of the plane.
"Are you really going?" Tsujimura was her name.
"Yeah." For Chuuya it was not even a question.
She raised her voice: "It's no use! That thing is a monster beyond human comprehension. Fight it, and you'll die!"
"That's not a reason to chicken out and go home. Do you know when it's alright to chicken out and go home?" he had turned his back to her, ready to jump.
She responded: "I do not."
"There is no such time." Chuuya sprinted forward and jumped out of the airplane, falling towards the ground, where the dragon was awaiting him. In his fall he activated corruption.
"Grantors of dark disgrace, you need not wake me again."
His skin started glowing red, his eyes twisted into his skull and Chuuya knew, that this could be the last time he uses corruption. But at this point he didn't care about himself anymore. He had to find Dazai, if not to save himself, then at least to see his face, one last time. Hit him, one last time. See him, one last time.
He fought the dragon creature with all his might. He got thrown to the ground, but that would not stop a gravity manipulator. Chuuya would get back up and fight. And as he was delivering his final blow, to end the fight between him and the dragon, he was screaming, no roaring, only one word.
"Dazai!"
It was what had corrupted Chuuya's mind. Dazai, where the hell are you? Please, Dazai, you idiot! You have to be alive! Dazai, save me!
The dragon detonated, and Chuuya found himself floating. Infront of him, Dazai. He looked like an angel. A dead angel.
Chuuya felt his arm pull back, and he felt his hand punch Dazai in the face, hard. Dazai's body floated away from him, due to the impact of Chuuya's fist. Chuuya coughed, he knew, his time was running out. This ability, will be the death of him. And the only person, that could save him, that would keep him safe, was a merely alive body, floating through a timeless space. Chuuya saw his own blood in front of his eyes. He knew, that the time had come. At least, Dazai would die with him. At least Dazai was there, in his very last moments.
He felt the familiar touch on his right cheek. He had felt this touch so many times. And then he heard that familiar voice.
"You used corruption, believing in me? How beautiful."
He felt his mind returning to his body, as he answered, not even sure what he said, not sure what Dazai even responded. And all of a sudden gravity felt too real, and it pushed them towards the ground. Dazai had placed his hand onto the back of Chuuya's head. Chuuya's face was dangerously close to Dazai's lap.
"Let go, asshole!"
But Dazai kept him in place. Chuuya felt his body weaken. He tried to resist, but he drifted into his familiar sleep, right there in Dazai's lap. And all Chuuya could think about, as he lost consciousness, was, that he will wake up alone again, that Dazai would leave him again, the same way he left him, after they had dealt with the guild. Dazai always left him, and this time would be no different.
Chuuya woke up. His jacket neatly folded under his head. The familiar scene filled him with with a bitterness, and he felt a choke build up in his throat. It was, as it always had been, Dazai was gone. Chuuya was left behind.
"Chibi, are you awake?"
Chuuya shot up and darted his head around, looking for the owner of the voice. There was only one person, in this entire world, that would call him Chibi. His eyes hovered over long limbs, covered in bandages, dark hair, Dazai. Chuuya jumped up, instantly writhing from the pain and falling back to the ground. He winced.
"Dazai, are you okay?" He tried to hide the panic in his voice, because Dazai looked bad. His white suit had blood stains around the abdomen, his head hanging, not looking up at Chuuya.
"I am fine, don't worry" Dazai answered with a weak voice.
Chuuya started crawling, ignoring the pain in his limbs. He had to get to Dazai. He reached him, wincing in pain, and pulled himself up, to sit next to Dazai. But Dazai didn't move.
"Please, Dazai" Chuuya's voice was trembling, "I didn't come to save you, for you to die now!" Dazai took a shaky breath, looked up at Chuuya and-
That dumb smile. That dumb smile he always had on his face, everytime he made Chuuya worry. And Chuuya was sure Dazai was about to say something to match that dumb grimace of his. And usually Chuuya would punch him, kick him, show Dazai, that he was angry. But not this time. Chuuya couldn't take it anymore. His eyes teared up and he felt his emotions wash over him.
Dazai realized a bit too late, that this was one joke too many. Whatever comment he was about to make, got stuck in his throat, when he saw Chuuya's face change.
"Chibi?" He whispered. He was in total disbelieve that Chuuya was actually crying right now. They had been through so many situations together. Dazai had pulled that joke so many times, and all he got for it was a well deserved punch. But seeing Chuuya like this... It hurt! He pulled Chuuya into his arms, and he felt a burning in his chest. Chuuya was sobbing into Dazai's coat, and Dazai held him, rubbed his back and whispered comforting words into his ear.
When Chuuya found his composure again, he did not even have the energy to punch Dazai. He just laid there in Dazai's arms, listening to the quiet mumbling. And his sadness got washed away, replaced by something stronger. He was angry, and he needed to let Dazai know.
"You left, without a word." Chuuya felt Dazai stiffen underneath him and the mumbling stopped. "You left, without a word!" Chuuya's voice was louder now. "Do you even have a clue, how it felt? Being left behind?" He spat the words, angrily, but still in Dazai's arms.
"I am sorry..." Dazai's whisper was barely audible.
"Sorry for what? Being a traitor?" Dazai remained silent. "You betrayed the Port Mafia, no, you betrayed me!" Chuuya felt bitter, angry, upset. He had bottled up these feelings for years. Dazai never came to face him. They only met through Dazai's scheming, Dazai's calculations.
"I searched for you, for so long. You had disapeared and all I was left with, was some stupid flowers. Is that how you break up? Is that how you end things, Dazai? Not a single word?" Chuuya started to push himself away from Dazai and Dazai let him. His body was still aching but he had to get away from Dazai. He couldn't stand being close to him, not when he was so vulnerable. Dazai would just use that moment to get to him again, to pretend, that nothing happened. And Dazai did not deserve to ignore how Chuuya felt. Dazai dropped his arms, he tried to say something, but the words just wouldn't come out.
"I hate you Dazai, I despise you. You left without a word, and then you show up, you act as if nothing happened, when so much happened. So many nights I waited, so many times I anticipated. Don't you feel anything? Do you just hate me, too?" Chuuya's voice broke and he let his head drop.
"I-", Dazai cleared his throat, "I don't hate you... I can't hate you." He finally spoke.
"Then why did you leave?!" Chuuya shouted at Dazai, tears streaming down his face. His eyes were pleading. Pleading at Dazai, to not say it.
"Chibi," Dazai's voice was soft, affectionate, "I could never hate you. I could never hate the person I love."
Chuuya started sobbing. Why did Dazai have to say that. He felt strong arms wrap around him, and he felt, how Dazai was shaken by sobs himself. They both just layed in each other's arm, crying out all the pain, that had accumulated for years. All the tears they didn't shed, all the words they couldn't say, all the moments they had lost. Chuuya was so angry. So mad at Dazai, for everything that happened. He blamed Dazai for everything bad, that had happened in Chuuya's life for the past years, ever since he met him.
After a long time of holding each other, crying and comforting each other, Dazai started speaking. "I never wanted to leave you. But when Oda died, I realized, I can't continue living like that. The only way out was to go into hiding. I couldn't tell anyone where I was. I couldn't trust anyone."
Chuuya scoffed: "You couldn't trust me?"
"I was a Port Mafia traitor, you probably wanted me dead." Dazai said bluntly, and Chuuya had to admit to himself, that he indeed had wanted to kill Dazai, but for different reasons.
"There was not a day I didn't think of you, Chuuya. You have to believe me" Dazai's voice weakened. "You know, there was a time I couldn't take it. I thought it would be easier for you, easier for me, if I just disapeared. But every time I was ready to end, what had started 22 years ago, every time all i could think of, was how devastated you'd be. How you would deal with it, how you would live without me. And, Chibi, I did realize something I do not want to die."
Chuuya raised his head to look at Dazai. Dazai had always talked about suicide, ever since he met him. Dazai never was fond of living, but his ideal, of the perfect end to his life, kept him from doing it.
"You do not?" Chuuya whispered.
"No, I think I want to live. You made me want to live again, Chuuya. I don't want to die, I want to live with you." Dazai put more emphasis on the last word.
Chuuya was processing, what Dazai had just said. "Live... with me?" Chuuya's eyes filled with tears again. He thought of all the times he couldn't deal with the pain, the heartache, anymore. All the times he had used his knife, to keep himself going, all the times he had to reassure himself, that he was alive and that he had to keep going. To hear Dazai say these words, after all these years of pain, all these times of uncertainty of whether Dazai was still alive or not, all these moments he was angry at Dazai for joining the Armed Detective Agency. To hear Dazai say these words now, it filled him with warmth that he was unfamiliar with.
"Chuuya, are you smiling?" Dazai looked at him in disbelieve, and Chuuya's hands instinctively shot up to reach for his face. He never smiled, of course he did have his vicious grin, and an evil laugh, but a real smile? It must have been years.
"I guess, I am, Dazai" Chuuya pressed his head against Dazai's chest.
He let the warmth take over his body. He felt content, safe. Dazai grabbed his face and tilted it upwards. He pressed his forehead onto Chuuyas, and Chuuya closed the gap between their lips. And he felt the pain wash away from him. God how he had missed that feeling! He had not felt Dazai's lips on his in over four years. It felt better than it had in his memories, it felt so fucking good. Dazai's tongue nudged his lips and Chuuya opened his mouth to let him in. The sensation washed over him. So many kisses they didn't have, so many moments they lost. It all didn't matter. This moment was all that counted.
And Chuuya knew, that Dazai would leave him again, when the sun rises. He knew, that they would go their separate ways again, at least for now. But he also knew, that Dazai wanted him. That Dazai would come back to him. And that was enough for now. That was all the reassurance Chuuya needed. And when Akutagawa stood in front of him in the morning, helping him up, and walking him home, Chuuya felt happy, he felt reassured.