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I Am Narcissus And You Are My Reflection

Summary:

An insulting article of a gossip magazine puts Dick in an awkward situation.

Although Jason jokes along with everyone else, the truth is he is not even a little happy about it.

Notes:

I started this on Sunday, the perfect day to be sappy, but didn't get to finish it until today.

This might be the first time I actually thought about a title before writing a story.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Richard Grayson, more precisely, Dickie Grayson, though no longer considered the most eligible young bachelor in Gotham, since it is plainly clear his younger brother, Timothy, is to inherit the Wayne company, is still regarded by many as a, one shall say, "great catch".

The young man is getting closer to his thirties and surely, he will not follow the steps of his stubborn adoptive father who seems to want to remain unmarried. One would say it is a good thing that Brucie Wayne has enough tact not to bring shame to a wife, or at least, his wife. But coming back to dear Dickie, who can charm anyone as well as Brucie but fortunately- or is it unfortunately?- shows more restraint when it comes to appear at the cover of the usual gossip magazines. The young man is close to an age that many consider to be ideal to leave the irresponsible personas behind and embrace the world of adults. More like the transitioning phase between being a child to being someone who wished they could be children again, either to change their life choices or to never grow up at all. The part of life where some find themselves pretending they no longer care for the childish lifestyle they once loved and some naively believe they can keep having it. Sure, some people do manage to do so. Brucie is, after all, the greatest example of the exception to the rule. But Dickie? One can imagine him settling down. And one can only hope he does so with a woman. It would be a most unfortunate waste for the man not to grace society with children. Biological children. God forbids he follows his adoptive father on that. He is, after all, a perfect and oh so rare specimen-

"Stop it. I've heard enough absurdities for one day," Dick says with an exhausted sigh as he sits on the sofa next to Damian.

They are at the usual living room at the Manor, being summoned by Stephanie who wished to share with them the latest "news".

"No, please. Do continue. I am very curious to know what the point of this 'wonderful' text is," Jason mocks, "And you are doing so great, Steph, reading it like you are Lady Whistledown, even if it is poorly written."

"Thank you, my Lord! It is humbling to have one acknowledeging my efforts," Steph says with a bow.

"I was going to say I am shocked to know that you watched Bridgerton, but on second thought, I am not," Tim says while sipping his coffee.

"What is that supposed to mean, brat?" Jason glares at the teenager, "You think it is too fancy for someone like me to watch? I have actually read it, oh 'most eligible bachelor of Gotham'."

"Please, Jay, don't say that," Dick says, his tone not hiding the distaste for the title, "Tim is still too young for that. If people start thinking of Tim that way, I can already imagine the old perverts circling him on the next gala."

"You talk like I'm not of age," Tim argues, "I'm nineteen. You were surrounded by those 'old perverts' way earlier than me."

"That is because he did not have an older brother or sister to catch their sight, like you do," Jason scoffs, "Not to say, Dick here grew up faster than you, if you know what I mean."

"Jay!" Dick warns, though blushing.

"Well, although you are trying to provoke me, I find that I am lucky in that aspect," Tim shrugs.

"Yeah? You don't get any problems when trying to get into a club, or something? That boyfriend of yours, Kon, has he been mistakenly arrested for dating a minor, yet?"

"Ha ha."

"You guys stop it!" Steph almost yells.

"Hey, what's got into you, Steph? You are not jealous that we are talking about superboy dating your ex, are you?" Jason asks in a playing tone but actually surprised.

"What? No!" Steph makes a face as if she did not even consider the matter.

"No need to act to offended, Steph," Tim says a little annoyed.

"No, no! You guys are not seeing it?" She continues.

"What?" Jason and Tim say together, Dick not even paying attention anymore to the conversation.

Steph points in Damian's direction. The teenager in question is sitting still, next to Dick, going through his phone.

"Oh!" Jason and Tim say at the same time, as if they practiced before.

Suddenly everyone, except Dick, who is concentrating on his book, or trying to, looks at Damian. After a moment of awkward silence Damian finally admits noticing their gazes.

"What?" 

"Did you listen to the article I was reading, about Dick?" Steph asks tentatively.

"Yes."

"And, and what do you think of it?" Tim continues, perplexed.

"Nothing," Damian says as if unaffected.

"Nothing?" Jason presses.

"Nothing."

"See?" Dick says relieved. He was, after all, paying attention to his youngest brother's reaction, "Dami here knows how to ignore this kind of nonesen-"

"Nothing is what Jo-Anna Lewis, or rather Chrissie Collins, the author according to what I found in my research, is going to become when I pay her a visit tonight and-"

"Dami!" Dick scolds, "Please promise me you will not do anything regrettable, specially because of something so ridiculous."

"Why would I regret to have Collins regret her own words?" Damian asks with a serene face and calm voice.

"Come one, Damian, you are fifteen, not a kid anymore," Tim makes the mistake of commenting, "One would think you would outgrow your obsession with Dick."

"Tim!" Dick says, eyes going wide.

"Oh, this one was good. Now I have to do one better to have Dick say 'Steph!' as if scandalized," Stephanie mocks.

Damian stays silent, his piercing gaze the only indicator that he was not amused with what Tim said.

The thing is, Damian has changed from the little boy who would rage out all his emotions whenever he felt offended. His idea of growing up was becoming more subtle about his emotions, though. Probably learned from his father. But he still is the devil's spawn. He just got even more dangerous and cunning. 

"Anyway," Dick says before there is a showdown between his two younger brothers, "This is a gossip magazine, it is just another article like many others. Nothing new. Bruce had hundreds if not thousands of them written that are way worse than that. So, let us just ignore it and move one, shall we?"

Silence falls in the room, as if everyone is contemplating.

"Sure," Steph finally says, "I have to go get Cass at the airport, anyway. I rather not get late while trying to survive a fight between the two kids, here."

Damian and Tim turn their heads in her direction, obviously insulted with being called "kids". She just shrugs.

"Say hello to her for me. I might not be here when you girls get back," Dick says, "And please do not tell her about the article."

"Oh, she already read it."

Dick only sighs.

"And we have already planned to drive to Miss Collins' house directly and-"

"Steph!"

***

But Dickie? One can imagine him settling down. And one can only hope he does so with a woman. It would be a most unfortunate waste for the man not to grace society with children. Biological children. God forbids he follows his adoptive father on that. He is, after all, a perfect and oh so rare specimen and his rather delicate features would only help improve the standards of beauty. His genes must surely be passed on.

It is infuriating. 

Jason wishes he was reading a paper copy of the article so he could just rip it apart. He wonders how this kind of words are still considered acceptable to be published. This kind of objectification is something still very common, unfortunately, but he thought that this belittlement, mockery even, of adoption, and these homophobic comments disguised as a vain concern for the society were not welcome anymore.

They are pretending this is just another trash story that has no impact on them, on Dick. The playful display from before being just that. But they know better. Jason knows better. 

Dick is not Bruce.

Bruce does everything to be scorned and ridiculed by the Gothamites. It takes great effort for a man who barely smiles to play the part, even though it seems to come easy to him. But for Dick is not so simple. For Dick it is easy to be charming. He is like that even in real life, when he is not pretending to be Dickie. Sure, the interests he discusses with the high society guests of the events he goes to are not really his, but he is very much himself when, for example, is being officer Dick Grayson. The man in blue uniform, although he hides secrets, is very close to the real one. That is why these words are, in a way, directed to the real Dick. At least Dick might see it like that. Because he cares. 

And this article? This article is going to have unfortunate consequences, where he will have to reject many young - and not so young - ladies and pretend it does not affect him that much.

If Jason knows Dick at all, it will. It does. And Jason would like to think he could not care less about Dick's feelings. That he would hide his own from himself as well as he does to all those around him. He tried, he really did. But he is not Bruce Wayne, he cannot manage his emotions as the old bat does.

So, it is no wonder that, right now, Jason is fucking pissed off.

***

Jason cannot believe he agreed to come to tonight's gala.

The old man believes there is a good change that the event will be interrupted by robbers trying to get the stupidly expensive rocks that are on display that once belonged to a Monarch from fuck knows where.

After Collins' shit post the attention on the Waynes is at its peak, making it hard for them to do the usual investigations, thus leaving that work to Jason.

Jason, obviously, has already done a sweep through the place and found nothing. Chances now are that there will be no attack, or the attackers will be amateurs. Those one can take out easily so, no one can judge him if he has been paying more attention to a certain blue bird than anything else. As expected, Dick has already been accosted by many single ladies who are trying to see if he likes it and puts a ring on it. It seems he does not like it. Ha. This is not the 1800s, they do not need a match so they can survive in society. Fuck off.

It is entertaining to see the expressions of the women. Some are sad - Jason cares not - some are mad - serves them right - some are indifferent - good for them. It is not that Jason is insensitive to women's emotions, or does not respect them. He does, a lot, but no one can convince him that these women are truly in love with Dick when they do not even know him. They are gold diggers. And the only willing gold diggers Jason does not detest are those who are honest about it. So, yeah, it is amusing to watch this show on that aspect. What is not so funny is how Dick today seems to barely keep his own true feelings from reflecting on his face. The ordeal is clearly taking a bigger toll on him than Jason expected.

As Jason prepares to go to him, to allow the man a little break, another young girl approaches the bird. They talk, they laugh, she says something, he replies, and then, then her expression turns serious as she speaks some more, Dick's eyes going wide, almost hurt, and she leaves.

What the fuck was that all about? 

Dick, as usual, quickly composes himself and smiles warmly at the man who comes to greet him, as if nothing happened. But then there is something off about him. Is he trembling?

Dick excuses himself and leaves the ballroom. Jason does not waste time and follows him.

The place is a huge mansion owned by the host of the party who uses it regularly for this kind of events. As such, it is filled of many large rooms, many of which are prepared to accommodate a couple of guests, may they find the need for some privacy. 

Jason will never admit that he is quick to find the room Dick chose to be alone because he knows well the scent of the bird's cologne. People might end up thinking him a weirdo, or worse, an obsessed stalker. Truth is, he knows the scent well because the stupid sentimental man still uses the same aftershave Jason once gifted him, back when he was still Robin and idolized Nightwing.

He knocks on the door, to give the man inside a warning, and enters. There he finds Dick who is standing by the sofa, straightening his suit, his back to the entrance.

"Hey," Jason calls.

"Oh, it's you, Jay," Dick tenses for a second before relaxing. 

Weird.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Dick lies.

"It was a rhetorical question. I know you are not okay," Jason insists.

"Shouldn't you be out there on the lookout for any attackers?"

"Yeah, we both know there is little chance for that to happen," Jason snorts, "And Babs is still monitoring the place. Anything strange I'm sure she'll be the first to know and will warn me."

Dick nods. Everyone knows that Oracle is always the first one to know about basically anything.

"In any case, we should go back there," Dick says.

"No, we shouldn't. You came here to be alone because of something that girl said."

"Then why did you follow me, if you know I wanted to be alone?" Dick points out right away and a little aggressively. 

Jason can see how the man is uncomfortable, but he also believes he does not want to be alone. Because Dickie bird is always like that. He is very emotional, but in a family that treats the showing of feelings as a disease, he resorts to go to a corner to cry alone, not to bother anyone else. Anyone else do not even know how to deal with it, anyway. 

Dick deflates, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that."

"It's okay. I know I am pushing. But that is only because I don't mind lending an ear. Believe what you may, but I also didn't inherit the emotional constipation of the bat family."

Dick chuckles and that is a win.

Jason closes the door and goes to sit on the fancy sofa, right next to Dick. The bird sighs and also sits.

They stay silent for a while, before Dick starts to speak, "Do you think I'm arrogant?"

"What? Are you really upset that some girl you probably just met said you were arrogant because you rejected her as Dickie Grayson?" 

"She said more than that," Dick gives him a small smile, "And it is not just that. I know most of these women were just trying their luck to grab some money, but I could see that others were really hurt. This last one, after I rejected her as politely as I could, she asked me if I knew about the story of Narcissus, 'the arrogant beautiful man who would reject everyone without a care until karma made him taste his own medicine'."

Jason rolls his eyes, "For fucks sake, does she know the stories about him? Because, let me say, in most of them he is a tragic victim of people's believed entitlement to his body."

Dick looks to him, eyes wide open, almost begging him to continue.

"Look," Jason started, "I'm sure you see it the same way, right? Like, that one that says that he, like just a teenage boy, was really popular with both men and women because he was ridiculously beautiful, and he wasn't too happy about it. Some tell that he would be a brat when rejecting his suitors, but hey, it must be tiresome to have so many people approaching him for his ass and probably care not for his heart. Oh, and that other one with the Echo nymph? That says she fell in love and just straight out reveals herself tried to hug him out and he just shoves her away, because who is this crazy stranger who is clearly overstepping, right? That Nemesis goddess then decided it would be appropriate to lead him into a pool for him to see his reflection and thus having him falling in love with the man he had not first realized it was himself? Making him kill himself when he found out? Like, Narcissus was not even a narcissist."

Jason stopped to take a breath, noticing Dick was still staring at him with is eyes wide open.

"Wow," Dick whispers, "I didn't know you were so passionate about the story."

Jason then realizes he was basically ranting about a myth and blushes in embarrassment.

"I mean, I never really gave much thought about it," Dick continues, "I remember feeling that his punishment was too harsh, but then again, all these Greek myths always feel so dramatical, and so unnecessarily tragic."

"Yeah, they do. They are cool, though. As long as they stay just as myths, and plot for books, movies and videogames. Also, as long as people understand that most of it entails overreactions."

Dick laughs, "Yeah, no. People tend to take these stories literally and believing the moral of the story sides with the ones that survive."

"Yes, just like that silly girl who thought you were a cruel man because you feel you have the right to decide for yourself with whom you want to be with, even if that someone is not her or any other woman in that ballroom."

Dick gives him another smile.

"For real. Everyone who knows you knows how you dote yourself to your partners. How caring you are."

"It still hasn't work out that well."

"In a way, it did, since you are still friends with your exs. But from what I heard, you were not at fault that things didn't work out."

Dick's smile now is sad. Why? Jason is sure he is saying the right things. Is he not? They are right and true. Right?

"I had my part in it, I guess," Dick sighs again, "Thanks, Little Wing. I think we really should be going back, now."

Dick moves to get up but Jason grabs his wrist and pushes him down. He does not even know what he is doing. The act itself feels too pushy now and he hates he has done it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it to be so aggressive," Jason admits. 

Dick just stares at him.

"I- hum. Look, I can see there's something more bothering you. I know I don't have the right to know what it is, if you don't want to share but- just- I just want you to know you can tell me, you also don't have to keep it to yourself, okay?" Jason says. 

"No, I can't," Dick looks away.

He is not trying to force Dick to confess whatever is troubling him, although it might seem like so. What he really wants is to be sure Dick understands he does not have to hide anything, not from him. That he is there for him, if he so wishes. Right now, it feels to Jason that Dick is just closing on himself because he does not believe he has any other option.

"Yeah, you do. I may even be able to help you." 

"No, you won't," Dick insists.

"And how do you know that? Is it because you think I'll go full on Damian mode and plot to murder whoever put you in this situation?"

Dick takes a sharp inhale and quickly gets up and turns away from him, in an attempt to hide his face.

"I'm sorry," Jason hastes to say and follows his predecessor, "It was a joke, and I should know better than to joke at this moment. Sorry! I'm here for you," Jason exhales before saying the next words that he so does not believe in, for obvious reasons, "We are brothers, right?"

Dick does not reply. Instead, he just freezes at the latter words. It is then that Jason notices the reflection on the window that shows his blue bird crying. And does that not break his heart.

"Hey," he quickly moves to stand in front of the other man, "I'm sorry. I'll stop. I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"It's not your fault," Dick whispers, trying not to sob.

"Yeah, it kinda is. I should know better than to push like that."

"No, I'm just being silly with all this story of me being Narcissus and you being my reflection and I just-" 

"What?!" 

Has Jason heard it right?

Dick stops himself, eyes going wider than before and looks to Jason in shock.

"What do you mean, I'm your reflection?"

"N-nothing, I-"

Nuh-uh, sorry Dick, but now you must tell everything, as it seems to be about me, Jason thinks.

"You are either saying that you love me, or that you see me as your doom," Jason concludes, "And I'm more inclined to believe the latter, so explain, if you please," Jason's self-deprecating side and lack of confidence does not let him believe his blue bird could possibly reciprocate his feelings.

"Fuck," Dick says, hands going to his head, "Fuck, sorry Jay. I didn't mean to put you in this position."

"Why do you think I'm going to - what? Hurt you? Destroy you? Kill you? I thought we were past the time you didn't trust me."

"No, it's not that, Little Wing," Dick hurries to explain, "I trust you completely. I just- shit. It's both, okay?"

"Both? Both what?"

"Love and doom!"

Jason freezes.

"I love you, okay? But we all know you are not into men and you just admitted to me you see me as your brother, so yeah. Although I don't plan to starve myself to death, it still hurts. Sorry, I didn't want to put you in this position, but you insisted to know so, it is kind of your fault. Now, please leave, I just want to curl myself in shame in that corner over there and-"

Dick stops talking as soon as Jason finally breaks out of his stupor and brings his hands to steady Dick's face so he can look him in his eyes.

"Who the fuck told you I'm not into men?" Jason asks.

"What?"

"You are the one who only dated women, of what I know," Jason continues.

"I-Wait!"

"Like, I never really hid my relationship with both Kory and Roy when we were the Outlaws. You never noticed?"

Dick's expression turns into something that would look comical if not for their current situation.

"I, I thought it was just me being jealous and thus imagining things," Dick admits.

"Yeah, no. That was actually me trying to get you out of my head. Don't think why it would work when one of them was your ex."

"Wha-?"

"Yeah, Dickie. I love you since I wore the pixie boots. Sure, after the crowbar incident there was a period I could just feel anger and hate, but I'm way past that."

"But you just said you see us as brothers."

"Because I thought that was what you wanted to hear. What would let you feel comfortable with sharing with me. Now, can you stop the denial? I can't barely contain myself from kissing you, right now, but I won't until you accept it."

"I accept it!" Dick almost squeaks.

Jason leans down to do what he was holding himself to do when there is a knock on the door.

"Dick, I know you are in there. Are you alright?" Bruce's voice is heard from the door.

Fucking great.

"Yep!" Dick shouts from the door. "Never been better!"

"You sure? O said you seemed to not being feeling well."

Oh, that is right. The place has been bugged, including the room they are in. Great. Once again, Babs knows about something before anyone else.

"Yeah, I wasn't before," Dick rushes to the door and opens just a bit to talk to Bruce, "I was tired of the attention, but I'm okay now. I won't go back in right away, though. I still need to regain more energy to face more 'heartbreaks'."

"Hm," Bruce says, "Have you seen Jason?"

"Have you tried somewhere outside to see if he went for a smoke? It is unlikely the event will be disturbed, so he might feel like taking a break. He hates these things, anyway," Dick says, avoiding to lie. He is good at it when it comes to ordinary people. But against Bruce it is next to impossible.

"Hm, I'll check. Make sure to not take too long in there," Bruce says before leaving.

"'kay!"

He shuts the door.

"So," Jason starts, "O was listening."

"Yep."

"And she probably is still."

"Most likely," Dick says as he walks in Jason's direction.

"Another thing to save as future blackmail, I guess. The sappiest confession of the bat family."

"Definitely," the bird puts his arms around his shoulders and neck, now full of confidence.

"She has enough tact to know when to stop listening, right?" Jason tries. He wants to continue what they were starting so much.

"Of course, she already has enough to keep us in line. And it's not like anyone would want to hear us doing anything else."

"You know, I think you are right," Jason agrees, wrapping his arms around Dick's waist and pulling him closer, "I trust her on that."

They both lean in to meet each other's lips.

***

Tack tack

The shortcut on the keyboard stopped the recording both of the sound and video.

Tack tack

Now even she is not listening or watching.

Barbara still has eyes on the corridor and the outside, so she will be able to turn it back on when she sees them leaving the room. At this point, one will leave through the door and the other through the window.

She did not mean to eavesdrop on the conversation. She had been worried for Dick when he suddenly felt he had to leave the ballroom and was looking so depressed sitting on that sofa, so she tipped Bruce about it.

Then Jason was in there and everything started to turn out for worse. When the misunderstanding was finally lifted, Bruce was so close she panicked. Luckily, Dick managed the situation, and everything turned out right.

She laughed out loud when they were begging her to stop listening to them. She will leave the lovebirds alone, naturally. But they do not need to know she will keep track of the time they spend in there.

The end

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed!

I know it might feel it lacks more hints that Dick was into Jason from the start, but I kind of wanted to keep it on Jason's PoV (and that he wouldn't notice) and not turn this story bigger than it is.

I would love to read your comments.

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